Friday, February 12, 2010

...But the Words Get in the Way

Friday, February 12, 2010

It's not always easy to express your feelings on Valentine's Day. Fortunately, these Wreckerators are here to help.

A-HAH!
This explains all those "Marry Christmas" cakes!

Happy Valentines + 'Day'

Yep, that's a first.


I'm continually amazed at how many Wreckerators botch the classic "Bee Mine" pun. It's not like it's that hard, guys: if there's a bee on it, write, "Bee Mine." If there's NOT a bee on it, write "Be Mine." That's it! And yet...



(Granted, you'd have a hard time convincing anyone those are bees.)


The fact that this was on clearance makes me oddly proud of the buying public.


Of course, no V-Day is complete until we explore some alternate spellings of "Valentine's":





Still, always remember this, my dear Wreckies: At the end of the day, what matters most to your S.O. is that you tried.

See?

(No, I don't think this vintage Wreck is professionally made, but it was just too cute not to share. I mean, c'mon, who wouldn't love to come home to this? Am I right, ladies?)


JuliAnn J., Linda R., Abby D., Shannon L., Vickie M., Maria P., Eunice S., & Carrie M., I tried to say "I love you"... but then I realized that was wildly inappropriate. So, uh, hey, good job!

- Related Wreckage: Valentine's Variety
PerkinsClan said...

The next to last one looks like it was iced with tapioca pudding. Yuck!

Fluffy Cow said...

Those jet engine caterpillars give me the creeps... too many flames.

I tried. *giggle giggle*

Anonymous said...

I love how the "I tried" cake is actually dated! "I tried" one year. Isn't that good enough? does this guy do it every year and he has the cakes dated so he gets credit? "I tried 1979" "I tried 1980" "I tried 1982" (because of course, they were separated in 1981).

Or even funnier, what if he tries to use the same year every year? in 1985 "I tried 1979"--doesn't it still count? because of course 1979was during the honeymoon phase of the relationship and he doesn't want to try anymore beyond ordering this reminder cake.

Meanwhile, wreckerator, bees have six legs and two wings, not six orange thorns!

wv: fredis. I'm fredis not a bee, but something else...

Tigerwolf said...

#1. Why, no; I don’t think you’re particularly merry at all. Kind of a downer, actually. Go away!

#2. A real princess would have found a bakery that knew what the heck they were doing.

#3, 4, & 5. BEE MINES!!! LOOK OUT FOR THE BEE MINES!!! EXPLODING IN THE AIR!!! SPRAYING HONEY EVERYWHERE!!! AAAAUUUUUGGGHHHH!!!!

#6. “Spell check on aisle 6!”

#7. OMG, that pink gel looks like something that oozes out of a recent injury!

#8. I really hope the guy got something. Out of this! I mean, y’know, like personal fulfillment or something! Er, uh… Okay, I’ll just shut up now…

^..^

WV: poloso. "How was the polo?" "So-so."

Bek said...

This is why I'm wishing everyone a Happy Chinese New Year this year instead ;)

I've explored our grocery store's bakery aisle for weeks now - nothing this tragic, but I did see a CCC trying to represent a chocolate covered strawberry. Made me wish I had a camera phone.

Bakingdom said...

Boy, am I glad I didn't mess up my own blog post today (devoted almost entirely to "Bee Mine")! The "Bee Mine" thing has always been a pet peeve of mine. It's such a cute pun...done right.

That last photo is too cute! And that's a pretty good try, IMO.

The Shitty Astrologer said...

Har-Har-Har - those are damn funny! Love the "I tried" message, even the cake looks tired of the whole Valentine's racket.

Gary said...

Does that cake above "Merry Me?" say, "Always Wiener"?

Steve the Pocket said...

Remember kids, take your valetins!

Miranda said...

Hah! Or you can do like us, skip the wrecks and head to a fondue restaurant. om nom nom nom!

Rachel said...

Man, if my man (for any reason) gave me an "I Tried" cake, I might just fall for him all over again. That's got to be the sweetest thing; it's proof that the best things come from the heart, not from the store.

Rian said...

Was #4 'be mine' with the killer bees taken at the Mall of America? I swear I saw it there but didn't have a chance to grab a photo.

Lisa T. said...

Think of all those young bees schlepping every day to work in the bee mines just so we can have big cookies with hardened frosting on them. This is America people, stop the maddness. Just stop it.

Taylor@MyOlderBrothers said...

So, the last picture wouldn't load for me here at work. I tried clicking on it to see what the cake was and I got a screen that said, "Your page is blocked due to a security policy that prohibits access to Category Adult/Sexually Explicit."

If I get fired because of Cake Wrecks, I'm gonna be mad.

Also, is there an alternate link to the last cake picture?

RoseAnn said...

The curtains in the "I Tried" picture look just like the ones from our house growing up. And I could see my dad doing something just that classy. LOL

Nee S. said...

Would you also take a cake made out of Play-doh ? Because I made one , and it even has little Play-doh candles on top of it !

(from my daughter Hannah, who is 12)

Anonymous said...

Wow, nothing says love like flaming caterpillars. "You set my (blank) aflame"--caterpillars do not usually come to mind.

Bee mine's? There's not supposed to be an s at all, then to add punctuation???? improperly? *faceslap*

The Valentain cookie was kinda nice looking, except for the stupid spelling.

Valetin's. *faceslap again* Not. even.close. sorry, wreckerator, with the funky icing.

Maybe "merry me?" is a wishful thinking sentiment, as in, the giver is hoping the receiver will so be grateful for the the cookie gift that the giver will get lucky and the receiver will make them "merry"...*nudge nudge wink wink*

*SIGH* The irony of "I tried" is that they didn't even finish icing the trim on the cake. Is that what they meant? Is the pretty heart next to it what they attempted to make? Is that a lid? maybe they should have just covered the pitiful cake with the one to the right.

Was that thing even professional? Was this an "I tried in our relationship in 1979 by buying this sorry-ass cake"? "I tried to do something this year for Valentine's Day since I never made much of an effort before" or was it from the wreckerator to their boss an "I tried 1979 to make a valentine cake but I ran out of icing or I'm too much of a dolt to make this cake look nice or finish the trim" and the boss didn't notice it in the display case, or maybe the enterprising boss told them to put it out for sale anyway to see if some fool would buy it as an apology cake because we can't waste cake! sugar, flour and butter cost money!

*catches breath* I'm so confused.

john (the hubby of Jen) said...

Awwww Taylor,

What a shame! That last picture... WHEW!!! That is some sexy, naughty stuff!!!

Bow-Chica-WAH-WAH!

Aww yeah, baby.

john

Julie said...

I was shopping yesterday, looking to pick up that last minute card for my honey....

Maybe I should have shopped a little earlier because I couldn't find a Valentain Day card anywhere - I guess they ran out. All they had were Valentine's Day cards. So I left the store empty handed and very disappointed.

Guess I'll just have to drag out the youngin's crayons and construction paper and make a card myself.

everythingisjustwonderful said...

That "I tried" cake is too freaking cute! I'd die if I got that for Valentines!!

Josin L. McQuein said...

Those aren't just bees. They're bees on a cookie cake -- ON CHRISTMAS GARLAND!

Anonymous said...

Hmm... that last one has inspired me. Should I get my valentine a cake inscribed with, "This is the best I could do"? Or maybe, "Hope you're not too disappointed?"

Taylor@MyOlderBrothers said...

Thanks john. I'll take that as a "no" to the alternate link, then. I guess I'll never get to see the last cake. I feel so left out! It's like high school again!

Terry Lee said...

huh. who knew there were "valentains" suited for vegetarians? go figure.

being a carnivorous kinda gal, i prefer my valentine cakes made with some good ol' animal fat.

now that's what i'm talkin' about.

Anonymous said...

Those 'bees' look like poisonous caterpillars with carrot oars.
robin

Noni Mausa said...

Those caterpillar bees are actually African Jet Powered Attack-bees. They defend the hive with their savage pollen-powered flames, and preserve their honey in a high humidity jungle environment by heating it and storing the dried honey gum in special wax chambers. Quite an exotic cake!

Cher' Shots said...

I would like to believe that the 'obvious clearance' cake was iced with the color blind in mind! One can only hope! Happy Valentines :)

Deanna said...

I choo, choo, choose YOU!

Melissa D. said...

Do you think it was "Happy Valentines + 'Day'" or was that "+" in there supposed to be the "&" for "MJ + Brenda." which is almost even funnier to me that the wreckerator thought would fly.

Happy V-day . . . always get a smile from you blog! thanks.

Lorinda said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Stella said...

Thanks John for putting it so succulently...made my day.

slicescakes said...

Okay, I definitely read "Happy Valentines + M.J. Day, Brenda" On that cake.
Weird.

LeftWingLock said...

I never knew I was supposed to sign the cakes I gave to other people and have their names look as though they were an afterthought. I must remember this next time I order cake.

The "Bee Mine" cookie has not one, but two correctly spelled "Be Mine" picks on it. Did they not look at them or did they point and laugh and comment on the poor spelling skills of flotsam makers?
Inquiring minds want to know...

Feisty Irish Wench said...

makes me want to run out and MERRY a vegetarian

Abby Normal said...

My company’s nanny-ware is blocking that last picture. That’s never happened on this site before. Considering some of the other cakes I’ve seen here, I can hardly imagine how naughty it must be. But strangely, I’m having a hoot trying.

Laura said...

That second one is one crowded cake.

Christine said...

I love Valentines Day, the cake wrecks are awesome!

Siouxzr said...

I love that one of the flame squirting bees seems to be pooping out the frosting that dots the "i".

Shelley said...

Princess Courtney just needed to spring for a bigger cake for MJ & Brenda. I love how the wreckerator snuck in some tiny parentheses around Day, so we didn't *accidentally* read the cake as Happy Valentines + MJDayBrenda.

Anonymous said...

Not to sound mean, but the picture with the heart that spells " Valentain"
Is not mispelled, it's in french ...

Lauren Borquez said...

Least the poor guy tried on the last ones..the "Be" "Bees" are just sad lol

Anonymous said...

Julie, just make sure you write "I tried" on it. Or "I tried 2010"

Poor Taylor. This is what it was: a picture of a half a dozen red roses on a table with a heart shaped cake propped in front of it. to the right of the heart shaped cake was a pretty heart (a box lid? a template? who knows) the heart shaped cake had medium pink icing smeared on top and a darker pink blob smear (another heart?) on the right of the heart. In BIG UNEVENLY SIZED CAPITAL LETTERS in red (or dark pink) the wreckerator wrote "I" (on the left of the heart smear, and underneath that) "T R I ED". (my quotation marks) Underneath that the pointy part of the heart's bottom, where the cake actually looks a little smooshed, they wrote a wavering
"1979". ("I TRIED 1979" for the total inscription, in three rows.)

THEN, the cake sides are white, like they only smeared pink icing on the top. dark pink trim encircles the bottom edge of the cake. but the top edge of the cake was trimed only 3/4 of the way around. The smooshed bottom point under 1979 has no pink trim. Pink icing with white on the side underneath. Ugly drapes in the background.

hope that helps! don't know what's so racy about that that the picture is blocked...

FelixAndAva said...

"I tried" was cute. :)

Nikki said...

Ahhh the thorned bee, such a lovely depiction of this seldom seen shy creature. In its evolution the queens of this species traded its wings for 6 thorns, not to be used for defense but instead to dispense an irrisistable pheremone that signals the males to come mate after which a highly fatal poison is releaesd killing them instantly. How Romantic!

loved the "I tried" cake, I totally awwed at it!

wv: Stalerp. The burp inducing indegestion one gets from eating clearance wrecks. "I bought this cake for 75% off because it was covered in pooperflies! I got the stalerps from it though, I think it was sitting a little too long before I came along.

StephakneeSays said...

I totally want the "Bee Mine's" one!

I'm going back to my Kroger in a minute, and I hope it's the same one that cookie is in!!!

Laura said...

Valentine's Day deserves to be wrecked! For my husband and me, this holiday is a "don't go there" day - we don't observe it. (Long story...)
But the last one was cute, I have to admit.

Totally enjoy this blog for the wrecks, but also for the witty wordplay - can't get enough of bad puns for a good laugh!

Happy Every Day!

The Black Dog said...

Ack! Two of the wrecks are blocked at work, will have to check at home

The Boob Nazi said...

Bee Mine's was my favorite. hahaha

drumnate said...

Maybe it is Valentin's Birthday and so Happy Valentin's Day. Okay, I'm sure it's not.

Today I can blame your for Gloria Estefan looping endlessly in my brain.

Michelle said...

Did anyone else notice that just one of the "bees" was missing its flaming orange thorns? I mean, the thorns definitely aren't all that awesome-looking, but why leave the one little guy out????

I Love Baby Quilts! said...

I love how Princess Courtney's name being on the cake was wayyyyy more important than the actual recipients' names! It's all about meeeeeeeeeee!

Shirley said...

Can I throw in a completely non-cakey bit of trivia? St Valentine's remains are in Dublin, Ireland (so how many other Dublins are there? Oh, right) http://homepage.eircom.net/~seanjmurphy/irhismys/valentine.htm

lizzied said...

"Valentain" made me laugh out loud.

Anonymous said...

Those "bees" look like they're on fire.

Leia said...

So I'm at work and the last pic and third-to-last pic are blocked because of "adult content." HA! Can't wait to get home and see them!

Jonathan said...

I think that the second cake is meant to say "Happy Valentine's Day MJ + Brenda."

Dan Bradbury said...

Bee Mines,

You know I always wondered where bees came from after getting all those birds and bees talks as a kid!

Who knew that you mine bees like you do gold and diamonds. So that's why we associate gold and diamonds with love! Suddenly life makes sense!

Elizabeth said...

Bee Mine's. I love it! That should be on a card!

agirlinherkitchen.blogspot.com

Kate in Italy said...

Valetin sounds like another one of those 'Man's little helper' prescriptions...

Anonymous said...

"Merry Me?" Hmmm. As one named Merry, I have to say, "No, that cookie/cake is not me! *G*

Mostly posted because of my wv today: rillact. As in "I dunno how to rillact to these odd sentiments, rilly I don't!"

Merry at Annie's Book Stop/Sharon, MA

Rita said...

How funny!

The second cake has to be one made for a couple of my online friends! MJ is the most amazing woman I know and just got back from a very long say in the hospital. She has spinal muscular atrophy (as does Princess Courtney) but keeps such a positive attitude and helps out so many other people with the disease.

Merry/Marry is quite entertaining. :)

I can't figure out why bakeries haven't printed out a cheat sheet of all the holiday words and phrases... I guess that would make sense...and spoil our fun!

Fanboy Wife said...

I wonder if we'll get to see some Presidential cakes as bad as these!

Nads' Bakery said...

That last one is absolutely priceless! Adorable!! My ex-boyfriend baked me a cake in a shape of a castle before.. He called me his princess. Too cute..

Elizabeth said...

Anonymous @11:29 said "Not to sound mean, but the picture with the heart that spells " Valentain"
Is not mispelled, it's in french ..."

Well, Anon, not to be mean, but "Valentine" in French is "Valentin", after St Valentin, the guy for whom Valentine's Day is named. "Valentain" is French for...um...nothing. :)

Gary said...

Abby Normal said...
"My company’s nanny-ware is blocking that last picture. That’s never happened on this site before. ..."

About four people have said this now. I must be missing something huge in that picture, because to me it looks like possibly the least naughty thing ever to be on Cake Wrecks.

Susan said...

You know, Valentain.

Rhymes with Frankenstain.

Oh, wait...

Confusing said...

I know someone who would probably love to get a "Happy Valentin's Day" cake, but then his name *is* Valentin.

FelixAndAva said...

I'm reading on my home system, so blocking isn't an issue, and I honestly cannot see anything in the images or text that is not completely G-rated. Why some of the images are being blocked by filter software is totally beyond me.

john (the hubby of Jen) said...

To those claiming Valentain is French,

I believe the French spelling is actually Valentin and the "in" sounds like "ain."

Unless I'm wrong.

I don't think I am.

Unless I am.

john

Marie said...

Hmm maybe the "I Tried" cake refers to someone possibly not making a mess in the kitchen while coming up with said cake and to throw off the wife he bought some roses.. lol

Farila said...

LOL.. the bee or be mine cakes are hilarious

Katie said...

Not only is "Valentain" misspelled if the wreckerator intended to use the French Valentin, but if he/she intended to use French, then "Happy" and "Day" are uh... wrong.

Katie said...

Ugh. That'll teach me to post late at night! I got the Valentain and Happy Valentin's Day cakes mixed up.

I don't believe Valentain means anything in any language.

Another says "Happy Valentin's Day." In which case, choose a language and spell the words correctly. Franglais does not count as a language.

Anonymous said...

Nope. They are bees. Pandora bees.

Gary said...

"Valentain" is not really misspelled, because "Valentine's Day" in Spanish is "Dia de San Valentin." ... Oh, wait ...

Rosa said...

Bee Mine's???? Ugh. C'mon, decorators of the supermarkets, learn to spell!

I love the "I tried" cake. That is too cute for words.

Anonymous said...

Re the blocked pics. Could be something in the file nales setting the filters off. Or your work is sick of you laughing and having fun, instead of working and being miserable?
Dara

Anonymous said...

The third to last one:
Don't know if someone has already mentioned this, but Valentain is french for Valentine. So I guess it kinda works?

Anonymous said...

That "bee mine's" cake sounds like something Gollum would say; you know "bee mine's precious". :P

Anonymous said...

I swung by Tomb Wrecks, just to see if it was remotely close to the hilarity that comes with Cake Wrecks...

I have to say, there is nothing funny about that at all! I am very open minded, and love looking at tombstones (www.findagrave.com) but the stuff that is being made fun of a lot of the time are ppls nick names, and choices of pictures. Our Tombstones are a lasting memory of what we are in life, and if what you were in life happened to be your nick name, or golf/hunting/cars etc...then that is what it was. Spelling errors are unfortunate!

I find Tomb Wrecks to be right up there with teasing the unpopular folks back in school. Just in poor taste...funny tombstones are the ones that were left to be witty ie:
"John Penny's epitaph in the Wimborne,England , cemetery:
Reader, if cash thou art in want of any,
Dig 6 feet deep and thou wilt find a Penny."

Amelie said...

My god, all the fuss!!
Guys, if you don't know french, don't assume a word you don't know IS french...
"Valentine's Day" is "St-Valentin" or "Saint-Valentin" in french.
Trust me. Or trust http://translate.google.com/?hl=fr#en|fr|valentine%27s%20day

Synthia said...

The person who decorated #4 clearly saw Avatar shortly before decorating...(Everything had six legs and/or wings)

Debra said...

I asked my ix year old what he thought of these cakes and he goes "Oh yes those are bees, or they could be poisonous callapitters."

Anonymous said...

I think the one that says "+ MJ day"is supposed to be for Michael Jordan's birthday... my husband always notes that it coincides with valentine's day. Fortunately for me it helps him remember the occasion.

Cristisha said...

I think the last cake is from someone who loves someone else named "Tried." LOL

-Christie

entropy-of-kura said...

I love that the "Bee Mine" cake has a little plastic thing on it that says the very same phrase, but properly spelled.

Glasgow Cakes said...

Those bees look like they'd enter your head through your ear and feast on your brain, like something from Wrath of Khan.

Bre said...

The top pic is from a Paradise Bakery! I used to be a baker for one of their locations in Phoenix. I always made sure to spell correctly so that I didn't end up on here!