Friday, December 25, 2009

Make Today Marry

Friday, December 25, 2009

Marry who, you ask?

Why, marry Christmas, of course!


And going by this next cake, I'm guessing "Christmas" is a small plush snowman:

Although that giant smear of icing does make you wonder what it *used* to say.

Here they got "Merry" right, but....

(Correction: I meant to say "however." So stop looking at me like that.)

Here's an interesting one:

"Alue"?

[blink blink]

Yeah, I got nuthin'.


If you've been reading this blog for any length of time, then you know how important it is to get those writing and grammar skills ingrained at a young age.

Like so.

Now, it IS Christmas, so I'm afraid the big guy has to make an appearance:

And I am so, so sorry.

He does come bearing greetings, however.

Although if you misspell "Christmas," then he's going to go all stony faced.

Still, I can't think of a better harbinger of Christmas cheer than a really, really constipated Santa:

Dude. Nick, seriously, try a little coffee or something. I think you're about to put the "pop" in "apoplexy."


Well, happy Christmas, my dear Wreckies! Oh, and Krystle M., Michelle I., Jane K., Travis P., Sarah, Merideth S., Nils T., & Lisa H., also don't forget the importance of proper fiber intake. Just sayin'.

- Related Wreckage: In So Many Words
CookieMonster said...

Oh, my! I can hardly believe the wreckage. Very, very funny!

Tanks for given me a Chistmas chuckle.

Kashmir said...

Why is Santa's head on top of a big, red chicken carcass? *shudder*

Anonymous said...

'alue' is Finnish for 'area', but that probably has nothing to do with it

Angie said...

#4 says Awe My Gosh Santas Here. Bad apelling and missing apostrophe. Awesome.

Leona said...

LOL I love the constipated Santa. So sad on the mispellings. Although, if you write fancy enough, you might get away with it :D

zekesmom10 said...

Funny, you have several optional explanations for ALUE. I immediately thought ALLIE, but that is probably because I have a niece with that name...

Diane1611 said...

I think "ALUE" is the second cake is supposed to be "ALLIE" (if the "L"'s are too close together) but I could be wrong.

Thanks Jen and John for all the wrecks and all the laughs! Merry Christmas, everyone!

360_gandering said...

"Awe my gosh" probably started out as "owe my gosh", which would be a cute pun on the spending that happens in the name of Santa.

Bonnie the Beautiful said...

Merry Christmas! The constipated one made me laugh :)

Katie said...

Santa is apparently a giant red turd. LOL

Zhoen said...

"A Merry Messy Christmas." `Christmas' as an H in it, Mr Baldrick.

Baldrick: Oh....

Ebenezer: ....and an R. Also an I, and an S. Also T and M and A ....and another S. Oh, and you've missed out the C at the beginning. Congratulations, Mr Baldrick! Something of a triumph, I think -- you must be the first person ever to spell `Christmas' without getting any of the letters right at all.

-Blackadder Christmas Carol.

Lisa said...

Merry Christmas! My husband got me a Cake Wrecks shirt for Christmas, so now I'm an Official Wreckporter :)

Have a great day everyone!

tanglegirl said...

re: the final picture of the day - are we certain that it is not meant to be Marty Feldman dressed as Santa? Igor (that's pronounced eye-gore) says Merry Christmas...

Kaaren said...

Hurray. I received not one, but two Cake Wrecks books for Christmas. LOL!

Heather said...

Merry Christmas Jen & John you brighten my day every day of the year. May cake decorators everywhere continue to be blind and illiterate.

Melissa said...

That Santa looks exactly like some of the turkey wrecks we saw a month ago! Only red, and with a face at the top. Which really doesn't help.

After a season working at the mall where it was forbidden, despite the fact that neither I nor anyone else have even heard of someone being offended by it: MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Noni Mausa said...

The "shrunken head" Santa is just heading off to give presents to Beetlejuice and all his little friends...

Fanboy Wife said...

I'm a little worried about the digestive track of whoever has to eat "constipated Santa."

Anonymous said...

It's a shame I didn't see this parade of wreckage before Christmas Dinner; that first Santa cake would've helped me resist the calories!!

That said, a sincere and heartfelt 'Marry Christamus' to the CakeWrecks team and its readers.

Anonymous said...

Out on a limb here, but is alue actually alleluia / hallelujah? in a kind of weird mixed up way?

Anonymous said...

That last one is beautiful. In a Cake Wreck kind of way, I mean. Merry Christmas and happy winter to all.

Allybally said...

Yeah, I think that the cake with "alue" is really supposed to be "Allie", like somebody before me already said. Or maybe I just saw it that way because that's my name. XD Anyway, loved the post! Thanks for keeping us laughing, and merry Christmas! :)

Suzy said...

ALLUE is supposed to be AWE. As in AWE MY GOSH. Which is really supposed to be, "Oh my gosh!" At least, that's what my family decided!

Suzy said...

To add to my other comment, I think it's supposed to be "OWE my gosh." But, yeah. Still way off!

Nona said...

Wow the last one was very creepy!!
Thanks for all the laughs and the charity thing was a hit here at our home. Insead of giving to many we decided to give to St. Jude and give monthly too!! Great idea!

studiorose said...

Christanus!!!! I can't breathe!

Well, I'm off to do actual cooking, the usual effect of which is depicted in the final photo. (I'm more of a take-out kinda gal, but people expect kitchen stuff this time of year.) You guys have a wonderful day, and thanks for another awesome year!

faunablues said...

Stony-faced Santa might also be dirty from all those chimneys. What, is he supposed to bring a billion moist towlettes with him?

Terry Lee said...

these are all laugh-out-loud hilarious! especially the pin-head red turd santa!!

thanks for all the wreckage and laughs, jen and john.

hope y'all have a very merry christmas!

Anonymous said...

A marry christanius to you all!!!

andygirl said...

One of my fave posts so far!

What exactly are Christamus and Chistmas? Are these new holidays? And Xmast? Is that a part of a ship? I feel quite stupid.

But the constipated santa takes the cake *ba dum bum CH*

Diedra said...

Wishing you and your family a very Merry Christmas Season.

Juno said...

Took me a bit to realize that "alue" is actually "awe". Which still doesn't make sense. "Awe my gosh"? I personally thin it was meant to be "Oh my gosh", but was done by someone with a strong southern accent. Merry Christmas Y'all!

Becky said...

Now, the ALUE cake - correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm reading:

"HO HO HO - Alue My Gosh Santas Here"

OR

"HO HO HO - Gosh Alue My Santas Here"

Um......???

Etiquette Bitch said...

Jen - I admire and am inspired by your dedication! Posting on Chistmus! Excellent.

"really, really constipated Santa" had me guffawing.

Valerie said...

Always a high point of my day! Thanks for all the humor you bring to all your wreckie fans.

Morgan said...

My dad got your book for a Christmas present and we've been laughing over the wreckage all day! Merry Christmas

The Doyles from South Dakota

Kate said...

Okay, my best guess on #4 is "AWE my gosh," which is still horrifically wrong.

Emma C. said...

I think Santa ate too many cookies...

Laura47 said...

Thanks for taking the time to give us a Christmas Day laugh! Alue my gosh, what a Merry Christanus we're all having! :)

Iris said...

ALUE --> AWE

This makes it "Awe my Gosh" as in a sadly misspelled "Oh my Gosh."

I stand in awe of the baker's spelling skills. As in, "aww what a shame."

Anonymous said...

I think alue = AWE, with a really blocky W. And it should have been Oh.

Jasry said...

That is how my 8-yr old son spells merry, too. However, he IS 8, and not a professional baker, soooo....
Marry Christamus to me, I got the Cake Wrecks book from Santa! (Hopefully not a constipated Santa, tho.)

Anonymous said...

I THINK that what appears to be 'ALUE' is actually 'AWE', although it should (in that case) be 'aw' or 'aaw' or 'awww' or...

And a comma should follow 'aw'. I may just be out of my mind, and seeing things.

Anonymous said...

That snowman looks so cute, I'd only hope it was not edible because I'd feel so guilty eating it.

And hahaha, that one Santa (I think it was the first Santa cake) reminds me of that bad guy in the Buffy episode "Bad Girls" with the tiny head and the grossly obese main body.

No offense meant to the overweight around here.

Hollie said...

My favorite "Chistmas" present this year, my Cake Wrecks book! Thanks for the laughs this holiday! My whole family was cracking up while looking at some of the wrecks!

Jen@Scrapingirl said...

After the crazy two days I've had. Furnace decided to go out, and my son decided to not like anything he received, and my daughter crying all day...I REALLY needed that laugh. Merry Christmas!

tsherlin said...

Finally read all the old blogs. Yay! Merry Christmas and let the wreckage live on well into the new year! Great blog! ;-)

For the Love of French said...

Went to high school with a girl named Christmas Carol.....suppose they are talking about her?

cath said...

Santa brought me the Cake Wrecks book and I can only read a little bit at a time. I'm 7 months pregnant and it just hurts to laugh that much!

thecatsmeow said...

LOL...thanks for the Christmas laughs. That constipated Santa had me just about falling out of my chair!

Miranda said...

I'm guessing #4 was supposed to be a "Oh my gosh, santa's here" and there wasn't enough room to fit "dontcha know";)

Promise said...

Merry Christmas John and Jen! Thank you so much for all the hilarious wrecky goodness!

proudmamablogga said...

I think it is "Awe my gosh."

Peachkins said...

Awesome wrecks- I think my favorite was constipated Santa. Also want to say, my parents gave me the Cake Wrecks book for Christmas. When I opened it, my mom mentioned it was a used book. Apparently both my mom and dad read the entire thing before they wrapped it. Two more fans for you and your blog. Marry Christmasus!! :)

Lady Anne said...

My grandson's godmother is named "Merrie". One year Matthew came from Sunday School with who pictures he had colored. "Who is that?" I asked. "Mary. Not Aunt Merrie - the other one - Mary Christmas." Ah, yes, Mary Christmas and Joe Chanukah. I remeber them well.

Matthew is going to grow up to be a cake decorator.

Erica C. said...

It actually WAS a "marry" Christmas for me because I got engaged today! :D

Natalie said...

I got your book as a Christmas present today! I literally read the entire thing immediately. I love, love, love it! Merry Christmas!

Bilby P. Dalgyte said...

Merry chrisanuws? What? There is just... This post makes me speechless. I lol'd indeed very much so. So much wtf!?

Dr. Rob said...

"Alue" is a reference to the Aleutian chain of islands that are in our fine state of Alaska. The tale told is that the natives of these islands (known as "Aleuts") once believed in the fire god "Mygosh" who was responsible for much of the volcanic activity that is distinctive of this region. The Aleuts would offer sacrifices to Mygosh every December to appease him and prevent dangerous eruptions. "Ho-Ho-Ho" was the chant they would shout when they offered their sacrifice of cake to the angry fire god.

Mygosh was said to be married to Santas, the Aleut god of reindeer. The cake was thought to calm Mygosh because Santas actually made pretty good cake (specializing in German Chocolate), and so offering Mygosh this sacrifice would reassure him that Santas still loved him.

I hope this clears this up.

Jules<3 said...

I'm pretty sure it says "AWE my gosh Santa's here!" not ALUE. i may be wrong but i'm pretty sure. anyways, this post is hilarious as usual

lisadh said...

Merry Christmas Jen & John!

I thought this post was hilarious (not taking into account that I am now an official Wreckporter - HA!). Too bad about the little snowman - I thought he was very cute. Leave it to lousy "spelling" to ruin a pretty cake.

Anonymous said...

I THINK the "alue" is "awe" I could be totally off BUT it could be "awe my gosh Santa is here" or whatever it says... that's what I saw at least :P

Michelle said...

My pic is the 2nd one from the top...blue/green snowman theme. That snowman is actually a plush toy, so it's not made of anything edible, unless you're a dog. Marry Christmas y'all! Woof!

Summer said...

love the "i'm so sorry" - very doctor who. speaking of, did you see the end of time part 1?? eeeee!

Jami said...

I'm not reading all the comments (64 at this point) but did anyone else catch the "drumnset"? I'm assuming you meant to "space" when you hit the "n" instead. ;) Happy NewnYear! :) :) :)

Ann said...

Santa really takes a beating this time of year... I shudder to think what indignities the "New Year's Baby" is going to suffer in the next several days...

Hot Tub Lizzy said...

ALUE is AWE in..um... "blockish" letters.

Anonymous said...

Constipated Santa is hilarious! His face is so pink! He also looks insane.

But that snowman is adorable. Is he edible? or stuffed?

Then what's with the pile of mushroom turds?

And Santa's face is full of soot! WTF? How is that supposed to be appetizing?

marry xmast, everyone!

Alyssa said...

an alternative to the alue= awe as in 'awe my god' that occurred to me was that perhaps alue was a misguided attempt to write 'alleluia' which is often found in catholic mass/ hymns, which is an alternate spelling for 'hallelujah'. but then the religiosity would be kind of out of place. so maybe it IS awe!

Anonymous said...

I think ALUE may be Allie....not that it matters :)

Shawna said...

My sister's middle name was Alu, which was close. (No, she's not dead. She changed it a few years ago when she also changed her first name - and last name for that matter - to something that was more "her".) I think it means "potato" in Trinidad.

Anonymous said...

so so funny. my sides hurt. that little beetlejuice santa sent me over the edge. thank you.

Shana said...

I have to say, the writing on that ugly brown crusted cake-like-foodstuffs, the one that says... Er... "Merry Curistmas"? The text on that is beautiful. Props to whoever wrote it, as it was probably one of the redeeming qualities of the cake-like object. :D

Anonymous said...

About the "Merry Xmas" cake. I know plenty of my classmates who write in abbreviations like that. Hm, maybe my English teacher and parents have a point when they say too much texting is a bad thing.

And as for the "alue my gosh" cake, maybe it was ordered. And maybe said orderie (yes, that is now a word) had a strong accent. And when said orderie showed up, they refused to buy the cake. So said cake was put out for sale.

Either that, or the cake decorator was just stupid. And blind. At least half blind. Cause if that's the case, the decorator needs:
A. new glasses
B. new contacts
C. new guide dog (cause it looks like a dog did the writing)

Mrry Xmas, wrckprtrs!
-Madison

Anonymous said...

I think the "Alue" cake says "Awe my gosh gantas here" This websiteis so funny. I love it! Unfortunatly, I don't think there are any Wreckie bakeries in my town.:( Sob, sob,tear,tear

Chava Malka Cooper said...

that last santa made me laugh out loud!

Dawn said...

Alue, My Gosh Sartas here??? It's an R not an N, and no apostrophe either??
Alue? Awe? Allie? Will we ever know for sure?

Cupcakes Lady said...

Constipated Santa looks like one of his eyes are about to blow out! lol l) xx

Anonymous said...

Here's my guess on the Alue cake. I have no idea where the Alue/Allie/Awe thing is supposed to fit into this, but I think maybe the rest of the cake is meant to say, "Ho ho ho my gosh, Santa's here!" Get it? It's a pun... sort of. Maybe it's for a kid named Allie, and it was really supposed to be "Ho ho ho my gosh, Allie, Santa's here!" Or something. Who knows, really? xD

Sarah Irene said...

Well this was posted in 2009, so I'm sure you all know by now... but the "alue" cake actually says something about Santa at Epcot... yup... that's it. :D

Anonymous said...

Constipated Santa. I have to admit I laughed so hard that I peed a little.