Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Sarcasm! Wow, That's ORIGINAL!

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

John (that's my husband, for you newbies) is an absolute master of sarcasm. This is not a good thing. Half the time even *I* can't tell if he's being sarcastic or not, which has led to more than one tiff around bathing suit season. ("Wow, your butt looks fantastic in that. No, really.")

I think the problem is he's too subtle. If you're going to be sarcastic, and you actually want people to know it, you have to give them some clue. You know, like this:

Is this person really glad you're "here"? No, of course not. Just look at the signs!

1) It's misspelled, thereby signifying "your" not worthy of spell check.

2) There is no exclamation point, since that might betray some small enthusiasm over the prospect of your presence. Can't have that, now, can we?

3) The gratuitous quotation marks positively reek of passive aggression. Visions of jilted dates and stranded little leaguers spring to mind.

All that, with only three little words! This baker is superb.

So, how can you, the consumer, incorporate a little sarcasm into your own cake orders? Here are a few handy tips:

1. Add quotation marks to everything you don't really mean.


"Quotation marks: allowing you to tell lies with a clear conscience since 1945."

2. Omit enthusiastic punctuation.

Just try to read this cake without sounding sarcastic. Yeah. Exactly.

3. Misspell their name. (Especially effective when combined with tip #1 or #2.)

Now this is what I like to call a "sarcasm score!" Present this at the after-game dinner and just watch all those mopey, dejected faces turn into bright red, angry ones in no time at all!


Mary Anne E., Angela M., Sarah C., & Janet R., you guys are absolutely "awesome."

- Related Wreckage: Say What?
Taylor@MyOlderBrothers said...

"Mellisa" looks familiar. Was she in that Dark Crystal movie?

Half Assed Kitchen said...

great "blog post"

Amanda M. said...

The third one I read as "Way to be Bob" at first... talk about even more mean and sarcastic!

Terry Lee said...

looks like poor mellisa has more to worry about than if someone's truly proud of her.

that's one of the worst cases of strabismus i've ever seen (and i was a school nurse for 17 years!).

i'd say a visit to the opthamologist is in order. or i guess you could just smear the icing and go for a dazed look.

Christine said...

I "loved" this post. No, really.

Adnoxious said...

"Way to go Hott Shots" is amazing. That's one step above getting a cake that says "Smooth move X-Lax." Would hate to see the decoration on that one though.

adnoxious.blogspot.com

Tina said...

The lady's face on the second cake's really scaring me. She's just.. staring. Being all "yeah, I'm proud of you I guess".

Anonymous said...

"Your" just some poser in a parka. :)

Charles said...

Hey, thanks for the Dr. Horrible reference!

Ellen said...

I think you'll "enjoy" this comic today: http://wondermark.com/556/

Mike said...

Wow. Also, is it really spelled "Mellisa" and not "Melissa"?

Stacey said...

Wow - Melissa really got the shaft with her cake. Her name may be misspelled (Mellisa?) and apparently she is cross-eyed. How flattering!

Babsiegirl said...

"Way to Go, Jen!" No, seriously! It was a great entry!

the Provident Woman said...

I love sarcasm!

Natalie said...

Wow. These cakes are so "good." It's really inspiring to see such outstanding examples of "bakers" with "talent."

Anonymous said...

I wonder if "Mellisa" is a misspelling, too. If not, it's her parents' fault...

HorribleLicensePlates said...

I really "hate it" when "people" use quotation marks for "emphasis."

2BThinAgain said...

lol.. I just picture Geoff from Ace of Cakes saying "Way to go Bob..."

WriteCards said...

And let's not forget the messy handwriting in the first one . . . at first glance, it looked like it said, Glad your "I-pere". (Sorry, I don't know how to really do the quotation marks around a quoted item when said quoted item includes UNNECESSARY quotation marks! (How's that for sarcasm?!)

- Red Handed Mabel said...

Wow. Another Dr. Horrible reference! I just fell in love. Again.

Amy said...

Sarcasm..the best! LOL
~Amy B

Siouxzr said...

No wonder Mellisa is cross-eyed. She's trying to figure if this cake makes her nose look big. I'm wondering why is her nose in 3-d? It's very wrong to to use cake to make people feel self-conscous

Heather said...

Of course their proud of Mellisa. Being the first female member of the hair club for men and all!

:::b r a n d i::: said...

Bob's cake cracks me up. There is simply no way to say that without sounding like a jerk. Hee.

Silvergoth said...

I especially like the use of regular *and* stone ground dijon mustard icing on the Hott Shots cake.

LiteralDan said...

This is an awesome post. I would love to eat one of these "cakes"

sleeplessnights04 said...

What did poor old Bob "do"? :oP

Raspberry said...

I am so sorry I missed your Denver signing last night. I wanted to go SO BAD but had a prior commitment. I know you have no idea who I am, but somehow I still feel the need to beg for forgiveness.....
A Devoted Reader
twoandahalfbooklovers.blogspot.com

jennakat said...

Woo-Hoo!
"way to go Bob".
LOL!

WATERBABY CHRISTINE said...

Youve scored yet another Jen. And hows the "tour" going?

wv: grarp
Quit with the grarping about punctuation and cut the "cake"!

Gilsner said...

ha ha ha, I love it! No, really, I do!

I am also a master of sarcasm. So much so that my coworkers have requested there be a sign for when I'm being sarcastic. Voila:

http://www.signingsavvy.com/sign/SARCASTIC

We are *so* cool (insert sign here)

histmedphd said...

Nevermind the fact that the baker misspelled "your." Or, let's hope it's an intended mistake.

blueiguana said...

"Great" post, Jen. One of your're (sic) "best".

blueiguana said...

Bob has me laughing so hard it hurts!

hartman said...

It was great meeting you and John last night. I hope you enjoyed your short stay in Denver.
Way to go Jen
Your the "coolest"

Janell said...

Yay for a Dr. Horrible reference!

Buffy said...

Made me think of the last episode of Castle with the "your" vs. "you're" debacle:

"Whoever killed this woman also murdered the English language."

I "love" Nathan Fillion.

mary said...

Dr. Horrible reference in the title for the win.

Michi said...

October is National Sarcastic Appreciation Month. This would've been perfect for tomorrow. "way to go"
;)

This Side Up. said...

"lovin' it"

Anonymous said...

On my way to work, I pass a bakery advertising "homemade" cakes. So are they really mass-produced in some nasty dingy thousand-cakes-per-hour factory? Apparently not, the lady behind the counter told me they did that so "the sign will 'speak' to our customers"... eek!

MC from NZ

WV: diefo: Someone's gonna diefo abusing de punctuation like dis.

Dutchgirl said...

With the Dr. Horrible titel, whats not to love? thanks jen! (and yes, i mean that!)

Shelley Dayton said...

Thanks again. This site is a guaranteed laugh for me. BTW, the word verification I had to enter says, "flingend."
What the heck does that mean? Sounds obscene.

Angie said...

I don't know what's more sad... these wrecks or the fact that my mother-in-law wouldn't see a problem with them. (My son's birthday card was signed, "All Our Love" - and the quotations were really there.)

Kella said...

I like how the phrase 'Quotation marks: allowing you to tell lies with a clear conscience since 1945.' was IN quotation marks. Does that make it a lie?

Anonymous said...

*loves the Dr. Horrible reference*

Kate200 said...

Didn't Kanye West have his name misspelt on his birthday cake, sometime last year I think? And the error wasn't picked up until it was too late, i.e. the birthday boy spotted it for himself.

It must be devastating to have a massive entourage of "friends", only to find that none of them even knows how to spell your name!

Would love to see what the cake looked like, and what the mis-spelling was! Kaney? Kayne?Kanyay?

mandy moorehol said...

disasters!! i saw a thank you cake today with a picture of tom hanks and it said T.Hanks
-mandy
-http://www.mandymoorehol.com

Karen said...

What's up with the misplaced apostrophes? No one studies grammar anymore?

wv: droolly. These cakes make me droolly with rage.

Jacq cooks said...

You can tell these cakes are heartfelt because they didn't use the sarcasm font.

Re: Adnoxious
Have actually seen a cake for a lacrosse team celebration (Lacrosse is sometimes abbreviated as LAX - get it "LA" plus "X" or cross?) with the delightful sentiment:

Way to Go Lax'ers

No quotation marks needed for that one!

WV: sticali, as in "If you swing your sticali, you are a LAX'er!"

VeggieGirl said...

Longtime reader, first time commenter here!! :)


JUST received my copy of your new book in the mail today!! So excited - keep up the wonderful and hilarious site!! Love it!!

Jen said...

I totally LOLed at the Dr. Horrible reference! Thanks! :D (Or should I say "Thanks")

Evie said...

Your grammar nazi skills are "awesome". In the first cake, "your" is the kind of "spelling" mistake you make if you choose the wrong homophone.

Renny said...

Being the queen of sarcasm I adored this post. "Seriously." My favorite by far.

Renee said...

It was "great" to meet you last night. LOL!

Truely it was great to meet you both.

Pink said...

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Kaylen said...

Yay for Dr. Horrible references!

mizzyN said...

if someone really gave me a cake to sarcastic it is kind of good as you get to eat for free but at the same time be annoyed that someone is ready to part with their money just to annoy me.

feathergirl said...

The Hot Shots cake FTW. It's the best way to tell your kid that his team just isn't that great at soccer while telling your team that they're great at soccer.

the Lichtes said...

I respectfully disagree with your quotation mark interpretation. I think the baker is in fact glad, but it seems that the recipient of this extraordinary creation has missed his or her own party and is not in fact "here." Maybe they needed to rearrange their sock drawer....

V said...

"Way to Go Bob" is, of course, what you say to someone who's just won a floating contest.

...yeah.

WV: comiest. These are the comiest cakes I've ever seen.

Britwreck said...

OMG- Well done for being featured in 'The Sun'! It's Britain's biggest circulating paper I think- It's huge, trust me! Congrats!

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/features/2662883/Bungling-bakers-are-shamed.html

Jess said...

Hey Jen, thought you might like to know that your blog is featured in a Australian news site :)
http://news.ninemsn.com.au/glance/870259/dodgy-bakers-exposed-on-blog

John Seavey said...

I'm trying really hard to take it on faith that you're right and that's a capital "G", but it looks an awful lot like a capital "D" to me.

Which would make it "Way To Do Bob". Assuming the lack of a comma is deliberate as well, this presumably celebrates an office romance that was kinky, but unspectacular.

ChiTown Girl said...

Hey, Jen! You're in my town (sorta) today!! Here's an article about you from today's Chicago Sun Times. http://www.suntimes.com/entertainment/books/1799952,CST-FTR-cake01.article

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the Dr. Horrible reference!
We've seen GOOD Dr. Horrible cakes...have you found any bad ones?

Anonymous said...

I read your blog daily - but I have to say it always makes my day when I see a Dr Horrible reference. Thanks for keeping the geek alive!

Giusi. said...

HAHahAHHAA love it.
really.
:D <3

Anonymous said...

I thought it said "Way to go Hott Shota" which would make it wrong in even MORE ways.

Kiera said...

Dr. Horrible quote title!

Blondie said...

Am I the only one who thinks Mellisa's nose is a little ... umm ... phallic?

Drew said...

You quite possibly have THE best blog of all time, period! And that's not sarcasm . . .

Kathleen said...

Love the Dr. Horrible reference in the title!

The Project said...

I just wanted to jump on the I-Love-You-For-Using-A-Dr.-Horrible-Reference-As-The-Title bandwagon. This is without a doubt one of my favorite websites. I hope you and John are feeling better!

Cupcakes Lady said...

Wow. I s it really spelled "Mellisa" and not "Melissa"? Class. xx