Thursday, September 17, 2009

Not-So-Passive Aggressive Cakes

Thursday, September 17, 2009

You know that feeling you get sometimes, where you think everyone hates you and is secretly plotting your demise? (No? Just me?)

Usually that's called "paranoia." Unless, of course, you're in one of these bakeries:

Then it's called "reading the room."


Betcha never knew someone could give you the finger while wearing a baseball mitt, now, did you?

They're watching. Alllllways waaaatching.

Of course, some decorators can be pretty subtle:

"Why did he have to roam alone? WHY?!?"

While others just let it all hang out:

"Grrrrr..."

At least some places still offer truth in advertising, though:


The lawyers insisted.


Magic Girl, Julie D., Alanna F., Terra B., Rhoni L., & Bonbon, these "cakes" make me think we should be nicer to decorators. They could snap at any moment.

- Related Wreckage: Passive Aggressive Cakes
Melinda said...

Haha! "Cakes" is exactly what I would call these. Great sign!

Half Assed Kitchen said...

I wonder if they also have "pies" and "doughnuts". Those are scarier than the creepy crawlies (if that's possible).

Anonymous said...

"Cakes"?

Nice...wonder what they really mean.

Dean J.

Katie said...

That one with the toadstools would be pretty darn cute, if there were only a fairy or an elf or something to explain the footprints...

Taylor (My Older Brothers) said...

That first one is that girl from Heroes whose eyes bleed black stuff and she kills everybody around her by making their heads asplode. But at least she's smiling now.

Auntie Meme said...

This is one of my favorite categories. You can just feel the mood of those decorators. But what's with the boobies with the go-go fringe?

hartman said...

Hmmm, I don't think I'll be ordering any "cakes" from that company. Wonder what they are really selling?

Love this blog! It makes my morning every day!

Melonie said...

I love the fact that my 11 year old daughter laughs hysterically at the "cakes" sign. An 11 year old gets why it's wrong, but a grown-up store employee can't? At least there's hope for future generations.

HorribleLicensePlates said...

Yeah nothing like a unibrow on a cookie sandwich! Mean cookies are not tasty.

Miranda said...

WTF hahahaha look at the big cookie one... *This* you call decorating, people? That looks like it belongs on Homestar Runner or something, getting sold by Bubs at his concession stand!

And that little landscape clearly says "go jump in a lake". Ahemhem. We are on to you guys!

Anonymous said...

LOL LOL!!! THese are wonderful!

My favorite is the baseball mitt, emerging like the lotus-glove-of-Zenlike-mindfulness, and the baseball bursting forth in the middle of it like some mandala.

I am still alguhing about it.
:-D THANKS. Great way to begin the day. Lily

Kashmir said...

Cake 1 - Alice Cooper lives
Cake 3 - Geico!

Let's hope these taste better than they look.

Marie said...

OK, who else did see naughty cakes in the third picture?
(Hiding in shame)

Marie said...

OK, who else did see a naughty cakes in the third picture???

(Hiding in shame)

Beth M said...

i HATE the random use of quotation marks!

Christopher said...

Aww... I thought the third one(s) were cute.

But what were they thinking with the fifth? Or was it just late on Friday and they had a bag of icing left over?

laura said...

Wow. Quotation mark "Cakes" ? Love the baseball glove.

Jolly said...

oh my, that "grrr" one... what was the decorator thinking?!

Maddie GIrl said...

Why did he roam alone? Because of those shrooms! :-D

qandlequeen said...

WAIT! The one with footprints? What's with the giant mushrooms? They're like trees for something that makes such little footprints.

Pam said...

Loved this post! I actually liked the "go jump in a lake" cake. Or maybe I should say "cake."

Paigealicious! said...

Is that last one from a bakery in Milwaukee?

Harley Quinn said...

Anyone else notice that the 2nd cake is also labeled as a Rotissarie Chicken? It must be from the same place that makes "cakes"

trishki said...

OMG, I love the Gnome Death Cake. Awesome.

Amy said...

What is the bakery called again? Anger Issues Bakers Inc?

~Amy B

Terry Lee said...

okay, now i'm paranoid. are y'all making fun of my comment yesterday when i said "cakes"?!?!

breathe. breathe. sorry. not only am i slightly paranoid, i'm a middle child. 'nuff said.

i actually like the pink and green floral trim on the first cake. too bad about the bleeding eyes. she should have that looked at.

The Honorable Mayor of Bethville said...

The top one looks like Coraline's "other" birthday cake.

mudslicker said...

Oh, silly us, that's not a baseball mit and ball at all..it IS a rotisserie chicken with the giant egg it laid.

eilbeback said...

What's with the blueberry-tipped boobs in #3?

I Love Baby Quilts! said...

I think maybe the second to last cake is supposed to be a roller coaster. I wonder how many people will have said this already by the time the comments get moderated!

I agree Kashmir, Geico! Totally.

Hey Pagealicious, what's with the slam against Milwaukee? Milwaukeeans represent. East side till I die.

Paigealicious! said...

Dude, no slam against Milwaukee...I agree, Milwaukeeans (East Side!) represent! I'm just pretty sure I saw that sign (or one just like it) in a bakery window on the East Side...

Lucille Ball Jr. said...

oh, that second one!

Michelle S. said...

I accidentally forgot the "s" in blogspot and I ended up on a bible college website...it's creepy! Why would they have the name cakewrecks?

Anonymous said...

Wow, first "Suicide Encouragement" cake I've ever seen!!

"Hey, see that body of water over there? Next to the deformed mushrooms? Go drown in it!"

legalsmeagol said...

The Flying Spaghetti Monster! May you be touched by his noodly appendage! I'm talking about the googly-eyed cupcakes.

Lisa Leggett said...

The creepy little dudes with the big eyes that are allllways watching remind me of The Fry Kids from McDonalds... creepy indeed.

LeAnne said...

I see the smurf village but where are the smurfs? Oh wait, now I see...the footprints...follow them and ye shall find... :)

Ry and Kris Jones said...

I would have to say that this is one the funniest posts here on cake wrecks,ever!. I love it!!. Also thank you for providing me with a laugh to start my day, every day.

Kristy

Rebecca F. said...

OMG, the footprints one made me laugh out loud in my living room. Who thought up that design?? And how wrong is it that I want one too?

You're the best Jen!

Danyelle said...

The baseball mitt made me look twice - I thought maybe they had put a CCC on TOP of a cookie cake. The misshapen outline was very reminiscent of a dreaded CCC.

Anonymous said...

Not to go all serious on everyone, but those mushrooms really look like the poisonous Amanitas! Maybe that's why the footprints lead to the lake! So the people giving the cake were not only saying go jump in the lake, they were saying if you don't, we'll give you giant poisonous mushrooms to eat!

Evey said...

The one with the footprints is my favorite, lol. National Missing Children's Day, perhaps?

Karen said...

Oh, man...that "cakes" one really reminds me of one of my old jobs. I used to work at an Old Time Photography studio, and the owners put quotes around everything that they wanted to emphasize in their ads and price sheets. They didn't understand that it looked sarcastic. (ex: now "only" $25! it's a "deal"!)

Adnoxious said...

That sign is amazing. Not only for the quotation marks, but check out that font and perspective. How creative! If you stare at it, it looks like a giant ship determined to run you over.

adnoxious.blogspot.com
Taking aim at lousy advertising

Goof said...

Regarding Michelles find. Yikes! There is a religious site that is cakewrecks.blogpot.com !!!

Why the heck call it cake wreck? and ya gotta wonder what "Blog-pot" might mean? LOL


Anger cakes, Grrrrrrrrr!

LOL

Lizzie Fish said...

i love the gnome one! omg! great meatloaf! =)

Bree said...

I also saw that the unfortunate baseball cake had been placed into a rotisserie pan. That's the second one on this site! Kind of makes you wonder about what goes on in the back rooms of the grocery stores.

Anne said...

Maybe the last bakery specializes in CCCs and has finally recognized the fact that they're not actually real cakes.

Maybe I'm giving them too much credit.

Word verification: abitrin, a new pain reliever designed expressly to relieve headaches brought on by poor icing and misused quotation marks

cindy said...

My 4 year old say the cupcakes with eyes and I qoute "that is SOOOOOOO scary." The footprint cake is "weird" and the last cookie drunken nose thing, is an elephant cookie. I was amused by her assesments of the cakes.

Heather said...

I was having a crappy day until I got my copy of CakeWrecks in the mall! I read it from cover to cover while my daughter napped. So hilarious. Thanks Jen!

Anonymous said...

That sign is definitely in Milwaukee, most likely East Side...looking at the big image, there is a Shepherd Express newspaper to the left of the sign. Local Milwaukee paper, usually found on the east side of town. After work I may troll the streets for that one.

archersangel said...

in the third pic; the eyes follow you wherever you go. creepy!

JM said...

The "Cakes" sign is at Peter Sciortino's Bakery at the corner of Humboldt and Brady, 6 blocks from my apartment. Come to laugh at the sign (I always do), stay for the delicious pastries. Even the macaroons are transcendent.

Paigealicious! said...

Psst...I think it's on Brady Street...

sendingtheclowns said...

Oh, I LOVE misplaced quotation marks!
There's a little (tiny) family-owned "store" down the street from me that has this sign in the window:

"FRESH"
"SMOKED"
HAM
"GRINDERS"
MADE
"DAILY"

I'm "not" making this up.
=^~~^=
***
As for the little footprints cake...truth be known, I'm a little less concerned about where the little feet were going than where they CAME from.
Do we have tiny elves hiding INSIDE of our cakes, just waiting for an opportunity to come out and take a stroll across the tops?
>^??^<

Stephanie said...

The "always watching" cupcakes (I think that's what they are) cracked me up!

Sili said...

The fourth is pretty good, I think.

And no. three makes me think of The Flying Spaghetti Monser (MYBTBHNA).

Just Me,Pilgrim said...

Some of these cakes need an anger management class.

And... "Cakes"? Yahh...come on in and have a "Cake"...no really, its cake. Suuure it is....

Courtney C. said...

What in the heck IS that cookie cake???? It just looks like the leftover icing at the end of a long shift that the wreckerator did not want to have to clean up or put back in the tub of icing.... so he/she just squeezed out all of their frustrations which ended up looking like a mouth so they put teeth and eyes on it and call it... wait, i dunno what they call it!!!! UGH!!! Well, I call it crap...

G.H. said...

How terrifying. Who are these decorators and why do they still have jobs?


http://confessions-of-a-waitress.blogspot.com/

Christy Joy said...

I am geeky enough that all I could think about over the first one was "Who watches the Watchcake?"

Anonymous said...

I'd buy that cookie cake in a second. Mmmmmmm..........frosting.

Elizabeth said...

I love the cookies. I'm seriously tempted to make those. What's truly scary is all the icing it would take to make them. *Cringe*

agirlinherkitchen.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

Yeah...yeah, that's right. "Cakes".

cryandwriteasong said...

I'm so glad that legalsmeagol and Sili thought the cupcakes looked like the Flying Spaghetti Monster too. First, I laughed. Then I wondered if I was the only person crazy enough to instantly think of good ol' FSM.

Morgan said...

The footprints one... what were they thinking? "What's adorable?" "Fairies." "Alright, great, but can we make it more adorable? What's more adorable than just fairies?" "Fairy... suicide?"

iCasey! said...

He wasn't roaming alone, because you know that Jesus was carrying him...

Suzanne Dargie said...

Watching...they're always watching...I laughed pretty hard at that!!!!
I was also thinking that the Toadstools By The Lake cake should have a Smurf reference. The Smurf equivalent of "Friday The 13th"?
And "cakes"....yes the Lawyers...I'm SURE it has something to do with legal jargon and technicalities.

Anonymous said...

My theory on the first cake -

Someone started to make a simple smiley face with just two vertical lines for eyes and a curve for a mouth. Then they realized they had scaled it totally wrong, and it only occupied a small area at the center of the cake.

So they started to elaborate, adding a lower lip, dimples on the corners of the mouth, and large pupils. The mouth turned out, if not actually good, then passable. They eyes on the other hand...

Katie said...

Haha omg that cake with the foot prints leading to the water - that's terrible, but it made me laugh!

frigglesnitz said...

Having played baseball against my husband at his company picnic, I was aware that one could flip the bird inside a baseball glove.

Michelle said...

LOVE the footprint one. I see that cake and just imagine a poor depressed woodland gnome wandering off by himself to just end it all.

Anonymous said...

Hey, the third ones down are Flying Spaghetti Monsters! He is reaching out with his noodly appendages!

125azul said...

They're all brilliant, always, but today that last one is especially brilliant ;)

kokonatsu said...

For some reason that landscape cake remotely reminds me about Bond-film 'You Only Live Twice' and that garden in it..

Angie said...

Yikes. Just. Yikes.

Etiquette Bitch said...

I want that "catcher's mitt" cake for my Sister In Law. She deserves about 10 of 'em.

thanks for my laugh!

Sheila said...

I didn't see eyes there... I saw mini boobie cakes. Ha!

VickiB said...

I want to shop at the place where they sell the "cakes" -- quote marks seem to have replaced everything bolded and underlined. I have a client (print and web) who insists on every other phrase being bolded and underlined (and most in italics, too). I must not let him see the quotes!

Shelley Dayton said...

I needed that laugh. Thanks!

holly said...

With the footprints, I just saw an adorable little faerie-cake. I don't like to think that the faerie drowned, so I'm just going to go with swimming and right now she's submerged. Or maybe she came out of the lake and flew away, like a hatchling?

At first glance, the googly-eyes reminded me of the Fry Kids. But then I thought Geico.

wv: tinket The sound a faerie makes when she lands.

Jack McCullough said...

I suspect the third one--the little cakes with the googley eyes--are supposed to be the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Not the best FSM food rendition I've ever seen, but it makes it a little more comprehensible.

SyracuseWolvrine said...

am I the only one that sees the Cheshire Cat in the picture right before the sign?

Anonymous said...

lol why did he have to wander? why? LOL! so funny. these "cakes" are the best thanks Jen! ur comments r just as funny as the cakes!
by~Jenn

bonbon and sapid said...

Hey Paigealicious!-

Yes, the sign is from Peter Sciortino's Bakery on Brady. I haven't had their "cakes" but the have the best cookies.

-bonbon

Silvergoth said...

I "heart" Cake Wrecks, so I had to share this with you: http://www.unnecessaryquotes.com/

Christy said...

Haha! This is SO funny! I can take credit for the footprints cake.

... 'twas a year or two into my decorating experience and an order came through describing a cake with a small pond, miniature mushrooms and flowers and fairy footprints from the pond. Yes, indeed, the footprints are going the wrong way. I hand painted the feet making that mistake and everyone was happy with the cake and didn't notice...

I am honored to have my cake show up on this blog! It is hilarious! Thanks for a great laugh. It is never good to take yourself too seriously and this experience proves the truth of that statement!

Thank you!!!
Christy G.

Anonymous said...

My son said "EWWWW eyeball worms!" about those lovely pink iced cupcakes with the scary eyeballs.