Wednesday, September 2, 2009

If You Want Something Done Right...

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

"Darling, I don't mean to criticize - because I appreciate your ordering the shower cake, I really do. It's just that...well...I asked you to get a baby basket."

"And I'm just not sure this is conveying the right message.

"No, dear, it will not be fine; now it looks like we're hosting a baby funeral!

"Hm? Well, what about your cupcakes? How are they supposed to help?"

"Aaaaauuugghh!

"Well, what did you expect me to say?!? Yes, I think everyone will 'get the visual', dear. That's the problem.

"Because it's gross, that's why!

"Now look, I need you to go back to the bakery - are you listening to me? - I need you to go back to the bakery, and get another cake. And remember: We are preparing for a new life. Happy, cheerful, life. We are avoiding death, mmkay? Got that? Good. Now hurry up; the party starts in an hour."


[Later...]



Dylan B., Angie F., & Meghan E., I'm told that cupcake is vegan. Anyone else find that ironic?

And speaking of which, if you live in Utah and are imagining all the events you could liven up with some gourmet vegan fetus-cupcakes, then you can order them here. (Uh, I don't think they call them fetus-cupcakes, though. And please don't tell them I sent you. Heh.)


- Related Wreckage: You Say Goodbye, and I Say Hello
MarliO said...

Congiulitings? Am I reading that first one right?

Anonymous said...

I'm just not even sure what to think about those cakes. What were they celebrating in that last one?

Holly said...

the fetus cup cake shop failed to list "plastic naked babies" on their "Fillings" list...just saying
-holly

Anonymous said...

Holy. Crap. And I barfed in my mouth at that middle one.

Taylor (My Older Brothers) said...

The first cake makes me wonder why people at bakeries don't double check things like that. Just in case it might be the wrong order and horrify everybody who sees it.

The second cake looks like Neo took the red pill and got freed from the Matrix... as a baby.

Fluffy Cow said...

#1 seems like plain bad judgement

#2 cracks me up (love the little hand)

#3 is downright scary.

Catmania said...

OMG - all of these are horrific! I sincerely hope that the recipeint had a good sense of humor!

WV - nuumbe - After looking at today's wrecks, my mind will be nuumbe for the rest of the day

Wide Awake Wife said...

That cupcake is um. . .interesting. I think I would have freaked out if I ate one of those! I hope no one choked on the little babies! OMG I hope the little babies aren't edibile!!!


mysleepinghusband.com

Amanda in Austin said...

I will never be able to erase the vision of that baby cupcake from my memory. The horror. The horror....

Susan said...

oh.my.god.

~Susan

grimperspective said...

Responses in my head, in order of appearance:
1. Seriously? Frosting on a baby casket, seems morbid and unbalanced...oh, wait, it's a "cake."
2. Ew. Gross. Ew, ew, ew EW. (cheeks puff out, slight urping noise, taste of vomit in back of mouth) Eeewwwwwww.....
3. What the F---?!!! Why am I even surprised? Where's the coffee?

Kelly said...

I can usually figure out what the "professional" baker is going for, no matter how poorly executed (pun intended), but I am at a loss this time! What could the first cake have been other than a casket? A headstone? Is that better?

The cupcake seems a bit morbid, but I worry more about the choking hazard...who expects plastic babies in a cupcake?

Is the third cake one cake!? Again, I am at a loss. I would love to hear the story behind these!

WV: somindi - As you care, so care I. As you mind, somindi.

Cyndi said...

I think that last cake is the scariest thing I've ever seen!

WV - lavisho - For the price people probably paid for those cakes, I'd expect them to be more lavisho and less scary-o!

Jackie said...

Re the cupcake: I think that's a baby shower game (although a highly disturbing one). I want to say it's Creole in origin, but the internet isn't being helpful right now.

Anonymous said...

Wow...that cupcake may be the worst thing ever created. How absolutely disgusting!

Mo said...

Is that fetus made of plastic? What a party pleaser! They must be stealth weapons for radical pro-life rallies.

"We'll choke those damn pro-choice bastards one cupcake at a time!"

diddleymaz said...

What....on.....earth....were....they.....thinking?
No wait...they cant have a thought in their heads!
Product of the Dumb and even bl****! bakery.

Suz said...

Oh. my. gosh.

Anonymous said...

wow..that cupcake is truly disturbing. blech.

Tony said...

Oh my. So disturbing. I can see and appreciate lack of decorating talent and poor grammar, but just who on earth thought these were ok?!

WV: satint - I was looking for a cake to cheer me up this morning, but this satint.

Elizabeth said...

Those are the worst!!

Karey said...

verrrrrrry disturbing! yikes!

Emily said...

I think this is the single most horrifying cakewrecks entry yet. I don't know if I'll ever be able to bite into a cup cake again without the fear that a bloody fetus might come spilling out of it.

frigglesnitz said...

Wreckorators of the world-
Just because you can, doesn't mean you should. The first and third cakes...well, just oh dear.
What a terrible tribute to the miracle of birth. Those "afterbirth cupcakes" are foul. Seriously? Placenta?

WV-fessubb- Whoever made these wrecks, needs to fessubb.

SuSuseriffic said...

He he he ... I like then in a dark funny way he he...Thoose cupcakes are GREAT!!!!

Kate said...

Miscarriage cupcakes... that's sick!

chicken lips said...

I'm expecting my first child (due in Jan) and I love most of the creepy baby shower cakes you've featured....however, I have to say that the baby casket and the last "celebrating life...avoiding death" cake is a bit much. What was that baker thinking? "No...no need to clarify, I'm sure this is what the hostess wanted". Yikes!

Crystal Copeland said...

I find these very very disturbing.

The Boob Nazi said...

ooo I live in Utah, and I'm super excited about ordering some birth vegan cupcakes.

Caitlin said...

Ok, so the cupcake, I thought I had a twisted sense of humor, but that just brings it to new lows. To me it says: "Here, we're going to give you a glimpse of childbirth, in a cupcake, complete with realistic bloody goo". What is wrong with people??

And the 3rd one, I'm at a loss, I'm curious as to the intended purpose. Did someone have a combined baby shower/funeral?

Bri said...

Hot damn...That cupcake...I wouldn't eat that.

And what's the occasion for that last cake? So Morbid.

Erin Headley-Morris said...

The cupcake in this post is probably the most disgusting wreck to date...maybe I'm wrong, but I would rather eat one of the poop look alikes than this...at least they're chocolate.

knitorpurl said...

We have entered a truly bizarre dimension.

I am trying to wrap my mind around the cupcakes- do they bake a potentially lethal plastic in with the filling or are the baby and blood-like filling injected after baking? Either way- yuck.

And that last cake- I do not think there is an explanation that could cover that.

Laura W <3 said...

all of those are horrific! However... those cupcakes would be pretty awesome for a halloween party!

Taylor said...

Sorry, but I'm gonna recycle a joke here....

"What should I do for the baby shower?"
"Definitely feed us cupcakes."
"Cupcakes?"
"Yeah, feed us cupcakes."
Hmm, fetus cupcakes. Weird, but if that's what they want.

Anonymous said...

I think the vegan fetus cupcake is probably the single most disgusting thing I've ever seen, and I watch those parasitology TV shows for fun! I went to that vegan baker's website and they have the audacity to say they use "butter cream frosting". HAHAHA! Seriously? Vegan butter cream? Talk about irony there, Jen!

WV: ungrat - onomatapeia for the sound I made when I saw that cupcake.

Fluzz said...

Okay, that "fetus cake" is the first thing on cake wrecks I would never eat! Up until now I'd be able to eat the cakes but that cupcake just makes me feel sick!

The last one looks like it should be for Final Destination 2 when they manage to get the baby born.

blueraindrop said...

by the head on the sono on the 3rd cake, it looks like the baby was not expected to live long after birth. if that makes a difference. but still...

Giana said...

My brain refuses to accept that theses could be real. Oh, dear God...I think the worst part is people ordered these! The first one could be all the wreckorater's fault. But someone said "Hey, you know what would be great? Cupcakes that gave birth! Yum!" Oh, and the last one....I don't even have words. Wow...

Curses said...

@Jackie

It looks like the cupcakes could be a variation of the King's cake game, which I know is popular in New Orleans because of Mardi Gras. I know a fair amount of Greek and Serbian folks who make King's cake for Epiphany, too, so I don't think it's just a Creole or bayou thing.

A King's cake has an object baked into it, traditionally a bean, though I've also seen marshmallows, jellybeans, plastic babies, and small crosses used (depending on the baker's fondness for choking hazards). Whoever finds it in their slice is the king or queen of the festival (in my case, a church Epiphany potluck) and has to make next year's cake.

I've heard that the plastic baby represents Jesus (which makes sense for Epiphany but not Mardi Gras), but I've also heard that it started when a New Orleans bakery ran out of beans and started sticking tiny kewpie dolls in their King's cakes instead. I don't want to know why they had so many of those lying around they could start a whole freakin' tradition...

King's cupcakes do seem like a convenient update, but I think that if you insist on strawberry filling, opt for the bean.

minisuperbias said...

I live in Utah - I can't wait to check this out!!! Although, their website doesn't list "babies" as one of their fillings...

Lynds said...

my god.

Jennie said...

Oh. My. God.

No. I don't even want to know the story behind the last one.

And I can't believe I'm about to say this, the words don't sound right in my head, but that is the most disgusting cupcake I've ever seen.

Wow.

tuddswife said...

I know that our local bakery tapes the tiny plastic baby to the side of the box of the king cake in order to avoid the choking lawsuit -you place it where you want in the cake before you serve it! Man is that scary.

Lori T.

Cari said...

I don't usually comment, but I have to say I literally gagged when I saw that cupcake. Melting plastic babies out of chunks of ice at receptions seems so much better now. That's so wrong.

Chris, Gina and Hunter said...

That cupcake is the most disgusting intended for consumption item I have ever seen. I could not believe that was ever created. Not even for Halloween.

I am going to go look at lolcats now.

Aleta said...

I suspect that last cake is meant to celebrate the fact that somebody decided not to abort the baby. Or maybe someone very old is having a baby?

I'm not sure what brand of my ire is most raised--political or tasteful.

Nichols said...

wow..ahhh, wow...i don't even know what to say those...

the plummer said...

Con...Congra...Congri...Congraiutilitings?

Pink baby coffin AND misspelling. GOLDEN.

Suburban Princess said...

Oh dear! It always amazes me that the bakers dont ever double check the orders!

Anonymous said...

I have a theory for the last one. It's an evil joke-cake for a pregnant woman whose baby shower coinsides with her 40th birthday. That's just cruel. Imagine the hormone-induced wrath one would face for presenting the preggo with that cake!

Tigerwolf said...

All I can say is, give that little naked baby a carrot and a Mohawk, and send him on his way!

^..^

Smokiechick said...

If it weren't for the hysterical running commentary I would have been outraged and nauseated... But because of the imagined dialogue I nearly snarfed my coffee. Congratulations! Proof that the written word still matters!

jen said...

Ohhh. Emmmm. Geeee. The second one made me a little ill, and then I read the comments and realized I'd missed the BABY coming out of the cupcake, and now I'm REALLY ILL.

Samantha said...

The last cake is very strange. What circumstances would inspire such a bizarre cake?

the Provident Woman said...

That's so funny!

Evalis said...

no matter what the occasion, putting 'congratulations' on a coffin shaped cake is hilariously passive-aggressive. In the baby case, it also happens to be a bit horrifying too.

As for the cupcakes... words fail me.

Its been said before that sonograph cakes are a bad idea. That being the case, the less said about that last one, the better.

Melinda said...

I told my husband about the baby cupcakes. He wants a boob shaped version with cream filling. He thinks that's appropriate. My bet is men did order these cakes. Ha!

donkeyinawhitecoat said...

What. the. H?

WHAT?

High Heels and Huntin' Boots said...

Those are creepy!

desibarbossa said...

My faith in humanity. The cupcake destroyed it.

Rachie said...

I'm kind of ashamed to admit I'm from Utah right about now. Wait, what? Nothing.

Starbunny said...

Blarf! A wombcake with baby and afterbirth filling. The only thing missing is an umbilical cord. I don't want to know what flavor that filling is.

Word Verification is : exlpo

How fitting.

blueraindrop said...

found the name of issue on third... anencephaly

see how back of the head isn't filled in and rounded?

some of the sonos here look a bit similar http://babyfaithhope.blogspot.com/2008/12/our-journey-so-far.html

so the baby wasnt likely to survive very long after it was born.

Rachel said...

Okay "Preparing for a new life/ Avoiding Death"??????????????

I'm not sure which is scarier, the people who ordered that cake or me for wanting the backstory.

Gladys said...

Yeeeeoookay, look. Cake is meant to be the last bastion of HAPPY in the world. When you come home from a long day at the wage-slave cube farm, finish reading the papers about the death of the economy and the fact that you will NEVER EVER get to retire, not EVER; when you've paid your bills out of the freshly-deposited paycheck and realize that you will be eating ramen for the next two weeks...

At the end of all that, there should be CAKE (glory-noise SFX)--the final remnants of purity and pure JOY in the world.

These cakes? There ain't no joy in these cakes. There's not even any joy in the same ZIP CODE as these cakes. These, in fact, do not qualify as cakes--they are malevolent, saddening imposter-creatures. And that cup"cake"--no matter WHAT the "explanation" might be--is unconscionable. That is a large order of EEEEWWWW, with a side of BLARGHHHHH.

Now, having said that...Can anyone else admit the possiblity that the last cake is really TWO SEPARATE, unrelated cakes in very close proximity? I'm reaching here, I realize, but in the absence of a logical explanation, my mind reaches for the next best thing.

(That cupcake....maaan. Did I mention "EEEEEEWWWWWWW"? I did? Well, consider this a reminder, or something---EEEEEEEEWWWWWW.)

Anonymous said...

Ha, it's funny because men (particularly husbands) are totally incompetent! Like "According to Jim" and those yogurt commercials! Hahaha!

The musishian said...

I swallowed a bug!

Because my mouth was agape for so long after looking at today's wrecks.

I'm stunned speechless.

Anonymous said...

I LOVE this website, but I must say that this post today was a little on the awful side. Slightly insensitive. I know it's meant to be funny, but it wasn't. Sorry.
-Sarah

Amanda said...

Melinda - I don't know about you, but boob cupcakes sound way better than plastic baby cupcakes. The red filling is what did me in. I'll join the gagging now, thanks.

R. said...

Oh, what a marvellous idea - I'm so doing those cupcakes for Halloween!

Kristina said...

O.M.G.

Kage said...

It took me a second pass to realize there was a plastic baby in that bleeding cupcake. Creepy.

Katie said...

Now you've showed some crazy stuff before, but this one is ridiculous. I can't believe there is actually a cake that says "Celebrating new life" "avoiding death" on it. CRAZY!!!

Dennis said...

@Fluffy Cow:

That's not a little hand. That's a little baby - with two little hands (and two little feet - awww aren't those wittle toesies so cute! ... uh, sorry, as you were).

Melissa (& Billy) said...

You know, the first one wouldn't be so bad...except for the COFFIN HANDLES on the sides.

The others...Oh. My. Heavens. I don't think there's enough brainbleach in the world, especially for the 2nd one.

I should just keep a supply of Unicorn Chaser at my desk for just such an emergency...

Anna said...

I simply can't believe anyone would be so tasteless (pardon the pun) as to make cakes like that. Who hears "baby casket" and feels good about themselves writing congratulations on it. I couldn't have done it, even if it was for a paying job. WHY didn't it occur to the bakery to inquire again if that was really what was ordered? Basic common sense!

I do find the cupcake funny, but only for a Halloween party. And that last cake is just the height of horror. Are they effing serious? H-O-R-R-I-B-L-E !!!

Anonymous said...

I'm horrified. There are no words. As one who was twice knocked up and had showers of her own - I cannot fathom the "WHY" behind all this.

Here I sit in stunned silence.
Stephanie C.

Anonymous said...

Oh poor Fluffy Cow....yeah...it's not a hand.

Amy said...

Bad day for the bakeries, eh? Everyone got the order wrong.

The vegan cupcake is a "taste" of irony.

~Amy B.

wv: "change" We so need to change bakeries, dear!

Deray said...

I threw up a little in my mouth! yikes!

Cookie said...

I'm not sure which one is worse, although that cupcake, wow. Really not the right visual for a baby shower.

Dawn said...

oh my gosh, I have tears in my eyes from this one. SO friggin hilarious and WEIRD.

Those cupcakes are disgusting looking. I mean, it takes a lot for me to not want to eat a cake, but I think this is the first time I really could NOT stomach it.

Anonymous said...

These are possibly the most disturbing cakes/cupcakes I have seen here. And that's saying a lot! Just...wow. No words.

Sara Otterst├Ątter said...

Okay, it wasn't just my eyes, that I saw a pink coffin or a pink graveyard. Good, that my phantasies didn't fool me, but the cake is still creepy. The "pro-life"-cupcake is extremly creepy. And dangerous. Imagine, someone swallow this plastic baby. I mean, in the worst case scenario you can truly say: "A new life doesn't avoid dead." And that is a good lead to the third cake. This is creepy and unlogic. Have you ever heard, that someone stopped dying because a baby was born??? Or didn't I understand the secret logic behind that. I mean, I am a foreigner. Maybe it is a common term in the U.S.A. that I just don't know?

a. said...

OMG.
The cupcake made me throw up in my mouth a little bit.

Philangelus said...

So, nine years after my infant daughter died, they finally came out with a cake we could have used for her funeral. It certainly would have livened things up at the luncheon after the burial.

What the heck were they thinking?

Rebecca Knight said...

The cupcake one actually made my stomach twist. Thank you for a little dose of horror this morning! :P

Bryanna said...

K the last cake made me laugh so hard. I could not imagine having that at a baby shower. The first on was akward and I agree with the other posts you think they would check these things. Ans the cupcake words fail me.....

cep said...

When looking at the last cake, my husband exclaimed, "As if the one on the left with all the flies wasn't scary enough."

Kore said...

This is really helping me stick to my diet.

Anonymous said...

Ack! These cakes actually existed?!!??

Jen said...

HOLY. CRAP. I thought those baby oozing cupcakes were bad until I saw the life & death cake. I seriously gasped and covered my mouth I was so shocked!!

Alessandra said...

I think the cupcake is an arrangement, a custom made bad joke. The victim places the fork into the wreck to be... (surpriiiise!), an idiot comes out of somewhere laughing insanely: Just kiddin, just kiddin...(mmmmuaa-ha-ha-ha-haaaaa)[snif-snif]...gimme a hug (aaaaaaaa-hahahaha-mmmmuu-huhu-hahaha-...haaa..!)say hello to the camera sweetie.(captures kodak moments)...Larry you can bring the caaaaaake!!

By the way, number 1 should be in the cover of a CD featuring the single Gothic Pinata Cake.

Anonymous said...

Wow. What on EARTH were those wreckerators thinking??? There's no way they can pass that first one off as anything BUT a pink coffin (hostess was ticked at the mother-to-be, perhaps?). The fetus cupcakes could have been cute if they'd made the filling pretty much ANY other color (I'm from Mardi Gras country, so I got the idea). The last one, though, baffles me. My parents lumped my brother's Christening and their marriage vow renewal into one lovely ceremony and had one cake (lemon--no specific theme), but I can't think of any combination of parties that would lead to that monstrosity!!! And, of course, someone gets a piece with baby head on it. That's appetizing. Yeesh...

Dana said...

I am disturbed by these cakes... the 2 sided one really has me perplexed. What occaision could that even be for?

Anonymous said...

Great day in the mornin'! What in the hell are those supposed to be?!?

Diane Conn said...

I'm thinking the cupcake, however disturbing, might have just been an unintended wreck. Maybe they just ordered strawberry filled cupcakes and wanted to add the traditional Mardi Gras baby everyone keeps mentioning. Not realizing what the end result would look like.

No one in their right mind would make that on purpose!

blueiguana42 said...

Stunned. I. am. stunned.

Which would be my reaction if I got the first one. I would not be able to stomach eating the second or the third.

Until this blog, I never thought that I would say that.

Jen, please find out the story behind the last cake. I am hoping that there is an explanation that makes it less horrific.

Mandy said...

What the...?!?!

Lorraine said...

Some people should just not be allowed out of their houses.

Chelsea said...

I am horrified to say that I do live in Utah and will forever fear baby showers now just in case those cupcakes are masquerading as fertile wombs. This is why I'm not having more children.

jennypenny said...

now THAT was genius!!

bats :[ said...

An improvement on the "Joy of Birth" cupcake, with the blood and afterbirth and baby: a thin strand of a red Twizzler for the umbilical cord.

Okay. That's the reason I don't post here very much...

laura said...

Funny But I have the greatest WV

WV: deder- These cakes are deder than usual

Anonymous said...

Proud to say I am from Utah, even prouder to say I have zero plans to order the vegan cupcake!
First time I have gotten a little sick to my stomach from reading this blog. Yuck.

h mitsumori said...

haha wow.. the birthing cupcake is my favorite, so gross

Laurie Green said...

I'm a little skeptical about the authenticity of the cupcake. There is nothing on the bakery's website to indicate that they made or sell the cupcake with the baby in it. In fact, it looks like a decent bakery. I'm wondering if the baby wasn't added later after the cupcake came home.

Faytbrady said...

Man walks into a bakery
"Er hi, we're having a party and we'd like a cake in the shape of a baby basket."
"a Casket? Oh I'm so sorry for your loss."
"Loss????"

HOW did no one twig???

Anonymous said...

I'm I just stupid. . .what could possibly be a reason for getting a cake about celebrating life and avoiding death? I just don't get it!

G.H. said...

How strange

http://confessions-of-a-waitress.blogspot.com/

Little Lovables said...

Oh my gosh. They keep screwing with pregnant hormonal people and someone just may get shot up with one of those things.

Little Lovables said...

as for that cupcake... it is probably a baby shower game.

"whoever gets the baby in the cupcake wins a special prize!"

Cake_or_Death said...

#1 A tiskit, a taskit, a cake shaped like a casket... in pink no less. What message are we going for here?

#3 *brain attempting to process juxtaposition; brain seizing up in effort*

#2 Sweet. Jesus. Can't unsee this!

Okay, baby in a king cake is one thing. But baby sliding out in gush of simulated blood??? Wow. Even my exceptionally warped mind is appalled and revolted.

Dawnspring said...

That baby cupcake totally made my day and cheered me up! (wait, lemme explain!)

A few years ago my then roommate and I made a Cthulu jello mold for a Halloween party, and in each of his tentacles we had a little plastic baby. We made a sign to put next to the dish that warned against eating the babies, but it just maked the dish that much funnier. It was the hit of the party! Our friends still bring it up at ever Halloween party since.

I'm so gonna have to make those cupcakes this year!

The first cake is just hilarious, but the last one is totally creepy. 0_o

Unfortunately, this post is just more proof in my theory that baby shower cakes are the most twisted, evil things on the planet.

jessica said...

The cupcake made my jaw drop. And I too had to go to the bakery website where there was no 'fetus' listed in the fillings column.

Tara said...

Really? Do you have ANY background whatsoever on the last one? That's just bizarre.

Carrie said...

I think it was the moment of shocked understanding coming so suddenly, but the cupcake made me laugh HARD -- harder than I have in quite awhile. Now that I've read the rest of the comments, most from the horrified camp, I'm beginning to think there's something wrong with me.

Anyway, thanks. :)

Colony's Cakes said...

i live in utah, and I LOVE it! funny, I love your blog!!!!!

Kristine said...

I think I have to say that this is your most disturbing entry. EVER. I think I'll spend the next week trying to get those images out of my mind, especially that cupcake. *shivers*

Anonymous said...

Due to slow business volume during holiday weekends, Cakewalk will be CLOSED July 23-26

Must be those special UTAH holidays....

malia said...

So I looked at the vegan bakery's myspace page and they have the afterbirth cupcake in their photo gallery!

http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=viewImage&friendID=198678706&albumID=1272178&imageID=10064494

But what is more disturbing is the first comment, "super cute."

That cupcake is neither super nor cute!

More like bloody disgusting.

Pippa said...

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! What was anyone thinking having a baby body inside a cake? That's not cute, that's not even vaguely related to a good idea.

Sack all the staff at that bakery now.

acomedianswife said...

I too really want to know the story behind the last cake. Seriously?!?!?

Michelle said...

Here I am in Utah, a state I love! I love the people, I love the mountains, I even love the snow. Why is it then that I am embarrassed that I live in Utah right now?

Anonymous said...

Oh, my God, Jen. You've outdone yourself. Where do you get this stuff???

Anonymous said...

I find the cupcakes funny-gross, not pukey-gross. I think I'd laugh if I bit into one of those. Haha-ewww.

But the last cake. WTF. I know there's a lot of wtf moments here, that's the point. But really - avioding death? WTF?

Becky

Etiquette Bitch said...

as soon as they pass the law banning CCCs, they then need to pass the law stating that no life-like baby likeness (read: ultrasound, color or otherwise) shall ever grace a cake or cake-like food.

YECCH!

nicole said...

Wow. Gross. Sad. I think these are the worst I have seen.

ComfyDenim said...

***Shudder***

Emily said...

Dear Anonymous, July 24th is Pioneer Day, celebrated in Utah & Idaho. If you had ancestors who died in starving frozen chunks crossing the plains in the dead of winter to avoid being tarred and feathered by their own countrymen, you'd celebrate, too.

Any-whoo, totally disturbing entry, Jen...and seriously, let us know what the deal is with that last cake, cuz OMG...

Anna said...

That is just so, so wrong...

Fanboy Wife said...

Here a few more reasons I shouldn't have children!

Bin said...

So, not only do the cupcakes contain little plastic babies for the baby shower guests to choke on, they also have all that liquid red goo that will make everyone's nice party dress look like they have been coughing up blood!
Runny fillings in cupcakes is a no-no!

Lynn said...

Ewwww...this post takes the cake for horrid and bizzare !

Ali said...

For real, get off the cupcake. It just lacks the caption "You got your little plastic toy in my jelly filled cupcake!" a la Reese's PB cups. And then it would almost make sense.

And the casket is weird and unfortunate.

But HOLY CRAP what is going on with cake number 3???????? There is something profoundly unwell lurking in that frosting.

Kelly said...

That cupcake is the worst thing I've ever seen! OMG! Ha ha ha!!!

Jacq cooks said...

for CW#1, I am just choosing to believe that this is a congratulatory cake for the #1 female casket salesperson at the Happy Times Mortuary. Obviously a full-size casket replica would be an overabundance of cake; hence, the miniature version -- not a casket for a baby, just a "baby-size" casket.

Or the wreckorator misread "basket" as "casket". Common error. Usually a result of coming into the world in the form of: bleeding cupcake.

Katy said...

Oh no. Those cakes are disasters.

BillyD said...

The cupcake looks less like childbirth and more like the chestburster from Alien, imho.

Irma said...

Even assuming the Casket Cake wasn't for a bay, but, say, to congratulate a woman who was just certified as a mortician? It's still fugly and wrong.

Melissa (& Billy) said...

@blueraindrop: Thanks for posting the link to Faith Hope's blog. I have been introduced to more amazing folks through Cakewrecks, which is very interesting indeed. Faith Hope and sweet baby James are probably having a great time playing together in Heaven.

E.M. Green said...

This comment brought to you by all the prior comments that intrigued me enough to comment.

The last cake would have been decent if it hadn't insisted on taking a Halloween graveyard scene on one side. Or pink, mutated, lady bugs infesting the other.

Okay, so the sentiment could have been nice if it hadn't been done in such a haphazard way. Because if you've found there's something physically wrong with your child and there is a doubt of the birth going well I can see wanting to reflect as much on the centerpiece a.k.a. the cake.

I can't see it wanting to be done in such a rudimentary, hapless sort of way. Because, really, all the second half of the cake needs is bats and a yellow moon.

And if it is, indeed, for a mother pregnant with an anencephalic baby...well, tasteful would be a helpful adjective for constructive criticism. A tombstone? Really?

My word verification looks to be parwe. As in these cakes didn't make PAR so WE quit.

MC said...

On my screen, that cupcake goo is vaguely orange. Aah, I said, so that's where carrot-riding mohawk babies come from! They are born bald, and brought down to us by sweetly frosted cupcake angels. The carrot puree is obviously for comfort in transit.... musta been a bumpy landing though :)

... okay, so that helped me over the grossitude!

MC: First-time poster from New Zealand

WV: renail: keep trying those funeral cakes until you renail it!

moonfall86 said...

I'm surprised no one has suggested it yet...judging by the crucifix and the word "Congratulations," I think #1 may be a First Communion cake (or maybe confirmation?) I haven't been inside a Catholic church in a long time, but don't they store the communion bread and wine in a little shrine thing? The cake may be that instead of a coffin.

#2 is probably someone's idea of a morbid joke. I know plenty of people who would think it's funny. I've never seen a King Cake made as a cupcake or with fruit filling. They're usually elliptical rings of cinammon dough with glaze and colored sugar on top.

I'm guessing #3 is either two cakes placed together for a funny photo or for someone who is both pregnant and has recently had a brush with death.

moonfall86 said...

#1 might also be a poor attempt at making a Bible-shaped cake, if the "handles" on the side are meant to be pages or a book's binding. Either way, I prefer to think this is meant for a religious ceremony other than a funeral.

Anonymous said...

RE: the Pioneer Day comment -
And does that bakery make Pioneer Day cakes for the holiday, complete with said frozen, starved to death chunks lovingly recreated in frosting or fondant?

Scritzy said...

Okay, I know in the old days, favors were put in party cakes.

But a baby in a cupcake? Surrounded by what I hope is strawberry Jello?

Oh dear GOD.

I'm going to have nightmares.

Katie said...

Okay, those cakes are totally messed up! Why on earth would you have them at a baby shower?

tcsumner said...

Congrats on the article on The Daily Beast! I am looking forward to buying the book and giving it to my friends for xmas.

S.Mack said...

Does no one else find it hilarious that the Cakewalk website has a section at the bottom for "Caketasrophes"?!

Anonymous said...

These all seem like abortion cakes/cupcakes.

Anonymous said...

Oh my gosh, that's really a casket! There are even little frosting handles on the side! How could anyone think congratulations were in order on a cake like that?!

Bernadette said...

Moonfall:

What you are thinking of is called a tabernacle and it looks *nothing* like that first cake, even though there are innumerable variations of form. (And as a side note, only the "communion bread" is reserved there, more correctly termed the Eucharist.)

-Bernadette

Anonymous said...

I normally love this site, but as one who had a miscarriage and knows many other women who have lost babies, today's post struck me as a bit insensitive and just made me sad. Sorry to be Debbie Downer.

John and Sarah Sperry said...

Oh my gosh, those are so revolting!!! The cupcake made me ill.

Tammi said...

I come here to shake my head in wonder at the craziness that is our human imagination. It never fails to disappoint.

To those who say "this post was insenstive to women who've experienced miscarriage" folks, I think everyone here gets that. Indeed, with 25% odds of having a miscarriage, the likelihood that others here have experienced it is high. Jen is right in showing these because they are WRECKS. There very existance is insensitive, and if seeing them lined up here keeps some other baker from making these WRECKTASTIC choices, bring it on for us to openly ridicule, I say!

Thanks, Jen, for the continuing good work. These are, indeed, revolting!

Anonymous said...

...they're not 'happy abortion' cakes are they?

Because that is just... wrong

Solveig said...

I wonder if the Vegan Baker Shop wonders why they suddenly have 40000 site hits today, but none tomorrow ... heh heh!!!

berecca said...

For those of you who don't live in the south, here's a little background on the plastic baby. Yes, it is plastic, and no, it is not intended to be eaten. It is a cajun custom to hide a little plastic baby into a "King Cake" (you can Google that and see) at Mardi Gras time. Everyone knows it is there, so no one chokes on it because they are on the lookout. If I remember right, the baby is (or was originally) supposed to signify the baby Jesus? All I know is, in my family if you get the baby in the King Cake, you have to bring the King Cake next year.

Now, that being said.......what.the.hell??? What were these people thinking???? Ew!!

Annie said...

Dear God....do these people think at all???

Anonymous said...

If you follow the myspace link given earlier for the vegan cupcakes and click through a bit, they also do a lovely line of vegan chocolate mint decorated with plastic green soldiers so maybe they have a thing for small chokables.

As to the third, the only possible explanation I can think of is someone is pregnant after cancer and being told they couldn't have kids. Even then, it's tasteless in the extreme!

LisaMama said...

I am hoping we can get an explanation of cake #3. The first 2 seem like regular goof-ups, but #3 looks like they got exactly what they ordered. One comment said that maybe a pregnant woman recently survived a life-threatening situation, so they were celebrating both. I think that's the most happy explanation we can hope for.

Miranda said...

What the CRAP. omg. omg. omg. Is there something in these bakeries that causes brain damage, or something?

GROSS.

Listen, when a jaded old goth is appalled, you know you've really gone too far! X(

Anonymous said...

That middle one is the grossest thing I've ever seen!

Philangelus said...

@blueraindrop, my daughter Emily's sonogram picture didn't look quite like that (with anencephaly). The baby on cake #3 has too much forehead formation to be anencephalic.

I couldn't get a good enough view of the sonogram, but it looks like it's just shadowed, and someone istrying to say "Hey, don't die in childbirth, y'hear?"

MJS said...

The cupcake people also have a special zombie cake and solider cupcakes ... their minds seem to be a bitXXX lot twisted.

Lindalou said...

I rarely comment because I'm sure someone has already said what I wanted to say and they probably said it better.

But, seriously - these cakes can't be real. No one in their right mind could possibly think that cupcake or birth/death cake was a good idea.

I am just continually amazed at what you find out there.

Anonymous said...

Actually, the vegan cupcake makes the MOST sense... Vegans are allowed to eat humans, since they could (hypothetically) agree to be eaten.

Oh, vegans.

Audrey said...

oh that last cake is awful!

Christy D said...

I'm also hoping that the last cake is for a 40th birthday/baby shower... Haha, you're old and avoiding death... and congratulations on your baby! Still weird but at least maybe harmless?

CappuccinoLife said...

You know, I think all these insane baby shower cakes could be chalked up to the hormonal nuttiness surrounding childbearing. Some of us just plain go bonkers when we're pregnant, and I think it might be contagious. Obviously it must be, since there are people actually agreeing to make these cakes.

amanda said...

BEST. POST. EVER.

What in the world were they thinking? I hope the mother to be will be let off with a slap on the wrist when her justifiable homicide charges finally come to trial.

wv heendso- Heendso you see why party planners are always a good idea.

April said...

OK, did anybody else notice that the cupcake bakery also has dillo cakes? What do you think they look like? Pretty much what I thought they would look like...

Anonymous said...

I come to this site to laugh when I'm down. This post I found to be insensitive. I am carrying to term a baby that will not live more than a few hours after birth. I know these were meant to be funny, but in this instance they are not.

SarahSilent said...

Ok, I usually just read and never comment. But after seeing the baby cupcakes I really felt the need to leave a comment just to say ew, that is really gross and kinda creepy.

ari said...

I don't understand the last cake. The first and the second, okay, they're weird, but I can think of situations where they are possible cake choices.

I don't understand the situation that would merit the last cake. I don't understand what you would have to order to get something like that.

I am confused, and sad, and hopeless, and oooh, a cupcake!

<3 ari

Veggiet said...

Umm, I am befuddled... Though I must say that last cake would win first prize in the "Worst baby shower cake, ever" contest!

brista said...

Maybe the last one was for an office babyshower/"over the hill" b-day gathering similar to Ashley Glen's Eeyore Eagles b-day cake. But whatever the reason it has a fetus photo on it. CREEPY! Those sonograms are super weird on their own; slapping them on a cake makes it sooo much worse.

The Bride said...

Please tell me this didn't ACTUALLY happen. Please? Restore my faith in humanity.

Cakewalk Vegan Bakery said...

I am proud to say I am the "twisted mind" behind the baby goo cupcakes. Just to clarify... I own the bakery, and the cupcakes were for my baby shower and meant to be a fetus and the goo was meant to be blood. I did inform people that there were things inside to be aware of before consumption (to avoid chokings).

I'm really excited that so many people were so disturbed by them! I have also decided that "plastic babies" needs to be added to my list of fillings on the website, I have had a few people ask me to make them since the originals.

cannwin said...

I can't believe that third one is a real cake?! What on earth is the purpose? What's the reason? What kind of party are they taking that too?

Hope the baby does well and that you don't die.

Hmm, thanks... I think.

margot said...

I've never seen anything that made me gasp in horror like that cupcake. Anyone who has lost a child/grandchild would be heartbroken at seeing this.

Melissa said...

I have been following the site for quiet a while and I have to say this is the first post where I absolutly could not believe my eyes. Bravo.

Sarah said...

OMG. Those cakes are just - wow. What were they thinking??!
But as for that cupcake - now we know how carrot jockeys are born!

Ruthdigs said...

How ironic is it that the bakery lists a section titled 'Caketastrophe'? lol lol lol

Sad Rabbit said...

Oh jeez..i am crying with laughter at the welcoming new life avoiding death cake.

Anonymous said...

Our daughter just died 3.5 months ago after she was born and that last cake was just a bit depressing :(

Liz said...

OMG!! I can't stop laughing! Best cake ever!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA.

Anonymous said...

wow i am crying from laughing...!!!!
#1- ummm weird and kind of morbid..
#2- pretty funny if you have a twisted sense of humour..
#3- HAHAHAHA so utterly ridiculous i cant even imagine the looks on the guests faces if this was brought out!!!

Anonymous said...

um...darn tv and its effects. Sadly, I found the cupcake weird...and then I read that it was a vegen cupcake, and about laughed my head off. ^^'

the last cake is just horrid. I don't know what's creepier. The 'avoiding death' addon, or the picture of the baby.

Anonymous said...

those are disgusting!

Lotte said...

*LOL* Jen! I love your story! :D

I'm gonna start looking for Wrecks here in Sweden! :)

Anonymous said...

people just get so literal

venusrain said...

I just. Wow.

The cupcake is gag-inducing, which is bad in and of itself, but the third?

Just... What could possibly justify that juxtaposition that isn't made of tasteless? It's so horrifying it looped back around to hilarious.

Gary said...

The flies on that last one are the crowning touch. Brilliant!

Lindsey said...

The last one is a side-by-side, they just so happen to be celebrating a baby shower for one person, and a 50th birthday for another. We do them at my bakery for multiple celebrations.

whizkidforte said...

The first cake should have been iced all white with gold handles - it makes it even creepier. Ouch.

RachelB said...

Maybe the 3rd cake was one of those cases where a couple has a second child with intentions of using cord blood stem cells to cure a disease in the first child? I know it's reaching, but that was all I could come up with in my active imagination.