Don't you hate it when the cake eavesdrops, Anne L.?
The alien armada, coming in for a landing.
Inmagine is a stock photo site, so here's hoping this is a joke, Emily S. Or maybe an ad for Big Love? (Gorgeous cake, though, huh?)
I can forgive many things, Dawn M., but forgetting to ice the cake is not one of them.And here's another classic, found by Lynna at World's Ugliest Wedding Cakes, I believe:
Wow. Remember when Beanie Babies were such a great investment, because their value could only increase? Kind of like our houses four years ago? (Oh, SNAP, economy.) Yeah. Those were good times.Tune in tomorrow for part two, because oh yes, there are more.
|
139 comments | Post a Comment
Wait a minute! Each wife doesn't even get a layer of cake on her own wedding day? Whatever. :)
Yowza. O.O What is with the 3 brides? O__________o
OMG the Armada cake is HUGE (not to mention ugly)! How many people were invited to that wedding? Also, RED ICING!? I have never tasted any that was not bitter, even when made with "no-taste" red food coloring. So why cover the whole cake with bitter, red icing? They probably ended up throwing most of that cake out.
WV:CRALOW - crawled low to the floor as in - I cralowed out of the reception hall when I saw that cake!
Ha ha ha, the polygamous cake was definitely inspired by Big Love. The cake topper resembles the women from that show.
The first one defies gravity to an extreme extent...what is that thing reinforced with?!
The first wedding cake reminds me of the birthday cake Fauna the Good Fairy tries to make for Briar Rose/Princess Aurora in "Sleeping Beauty".
i will never forgive them... a cake without icing is like... a cake without icing!!!
I can just see the guy who allowed his wife-to-be free reins for the wedding ("whatever makes you happy, honey") and walks into the reception to find the Beanie Baby cake. One would assume he already knew what he was getting into.
It took me a minute to get what was off about the Inmagine image. Then I figured it out. Poor sap!
The alien armada cake - oh my! Hope there were enough guests to eat all of that. I had a small two tier cake and a sheet cake for 100 guests and I and my mom still had to take a bunch of cake to work (very happy co-workers that day!)
The beehive cake... could be misinterpreted as flies on poo.
The first one isn't a wreck, is it? Because I like it. The second and last ones are monstrosities. The rest? Eh.
Eesh....that last one makes my eyes bleed! I can only imagine what the bridesmaid dresses looked like *shudder*!
My three year old, who checks this site daily with me, was very concerned about the "naked" cake. Honestly, what is the point of cake without icing. Too funny.
I kind of like that beehive cake. It definitely needs some bigger bees, though.
Jen, your comments are even better than the pictures. Alien Armada indeed!
The third one I'm guessing is a wedding in salt lake city hmmmmm?
The first cake looks like the nose off of a Dr. Seuss character...
Genuinely took me a while to find the 'Baby in the last cake - who'd have thought fluorescents could provide such convincing camouflage?
I love your blog its so funny and all of the cakes are so hilarious. ♥Darla
mercy, I can't imagine any of those especially the armada. How in the world would you cut these????
World's ugliest wedding cake has a winner. The last one.
Just mailed today´s entry to some friends of mine who asked me to do their wedding cake, asking if I should use any of these as inspiration - can´t wait to read their answer!
Thanks Jen for your hilarious blog!
What a pity we don´t have such a fancy cake tradition here in Germany, in comparison our cakes, although yummy, are mostly boring and un-wreck-able!
Those first two are awesomely made if not really my choice for a wedding cake.
The latent hippie in me kind of likes the psychedelic cake at the bottom.
And the latent dirty mind in me thinks the top cake is making subtle commentary about the groom's virility.
The beehive is cute, but a cake without frosting is not a cake.
too funny! alien armada coming in for a landing, indeed! Right on, Jen!
some brides don't like icing, and we once enjoyed a delicious cake iced with fresh fruit. it might make the ugly list, but it tasted great. kinda like strawberry shortcake.
C'mon Jen- these are SO not wrecky enough! (Well, except for the beanie baby one and the un-iced bee hive thingie.) What's wrong with the first one? It's not all that different from the recent Sunday Sweets leaning wedding cakes!
FLMAO!! omg i remember the beanie babies thingie. all my friends were buying SO many of them.. pfft. losers. lol
that first cake is not ugly.. but so lopsided that it looks friggen not nice at all. ew.
and that bee hive cake is disgusting. it doesn't look appealing to eat at all. yeck..
Hey, I like the psychedelic one. Do they have wacky flavors? A dose of "Vitamin A"?
I know several people who had a cake that resembled the Alien Armada....minus the Armada. It was those aweful cakes with the staricases, and all the wedding party standing on it. My grandma would paint the dress of the girls to match with nail polish every other week for a different wedding. I HATED those cakes!
i actually kind of like the beehive cake...although it IS weird that it's not frosted at all. Maybe they just don't like frosting? Still, I'd be a little disappointed if someone handed me a piece of cake with zero frosting. :(
I hate icing and despise cake, so I am all about that totally cute little beehive. Here's the thing, though. I think it's iced. Look where one layer merges into another, I'm not sure how to do that without icing. Too bad, too, because I would love me some un-iced wedding cake.
Armada cake is hideous. Quite possibly the ugliest thing I've ever seen. More the fault of the cake stand and less the fault of the cake, but still, who does that?!?
wv: misbow - The practice of covering up a mistake with a bow, ie. some of these cakes could have used a couple of misbows.
Ok, so I'm totally intrigued by the beehive cake. Was it baked in a enormous pan and the carved? If so, you gotta admit, they did a pretty good job. Or maybe its layers, with a coat of buttercream covered with some sort of crumbs? I must know how this abomination with created!
i guarantee you the "armada" cake is from a wedding or two good, catholic italian kids who got married in the church then had the reception in the church hall/basement. that is a CLASSIC 70's cake italia. mind you, i am not bashing in any way shape or form italian weddings and/or cakes. why? because if i had that cake at my wedding, my Old Country grandparents and 200 relatives that i've never met would have cried with joy. the more extravagant, indulgent, and complicated the tiers are on a classic east coast italian wedding cake, the better lol. LOVE IT.
Hey, my son had the weirdest wedding cake I ever saw. It was a cake ... without CAKE. It was styrofoam and it's not like they had a sheet cake in the back to serve. No, they served cookies and ice cream. Even weirder is they took a photo of them pretending to cut the styrofoam cake. And weirdest of all is that when I asked the my daughter-in-law's family why they didn't have a real cake, they said they didn't LIKE cake! Beyond comprehension as far as I'm concerned. I love my daughter-in-law and since we are having a real cake for my granddaughter's and her baby's 1st birthday next week, I'm hoping we've converted her to right thinking.
The leaning one is bizarre but not very wrecky, but WHOA - the armada cake is wreck enough for the rest of the year! Who would want that eyesore at their wedding? And HOW many people were they trying to feed??
Megan @ adventuresofacarnivore.com
I might be sick, but I looooove that last cake. :) Want!
The fact that it's a polygamous cake does not mean it takes place in Salt Lake City. Any legal wedding anywhere in Utah would not have 3 brides...just sayin'.
Okay just how old is the bride that would order a beanie babies wedding cake anyways?
The beehive cake has icing. It's just covered with cake crumbs.
Still makes it look a lot less appetizing, though.
I love the first cake!!! Seriously, I do.
I think the bee hive cake IS frosted- perhaps a little too well! Look at the base and layers. No seams. I think someone frosted a cake to look like... an unfrosted cake!
That cake with no icing is either a beehive or a pile of poo with flies on it. Either way, ewww.
The first one is pretty cool, but being from Utah (or having lived here long enough to pass as a native), I had to laugh at the 3 brides- 1 groom cake. Hah!!!
Maybe the "no icing" cake has the icing on the INSIDE! Ya...that's it....it's like the HONEY inside the HIVE...yeah...I'm sure that must be it....yeah.
Love the polygamist cake... what a crack up!
That first one looks like a severed arm. Huh.
Angie (from over at www.HalfAssedKitchen.com)
When my almost-6-year-old saw the alien armada cake, she rolled on the floor and laughed theatrically. Maybe it's time I explained to her that "rolling on the floor laughing" is just a figure of speech.
However, when I left the computer unattended for a moment and she spotted the beanie baby cake, she exclaimed that it was "So pretty! And romantic, with a teddy bear on top!"
I suppose this is why they don't let 6-year-olds decorate cakes (although that's exactly what I'm going to to at her birthday party this weekend).
Oh, also, I had a Dilbert moment when I read that the first picture was sent in by Anne L. There was a bit character named Anne L. Retentive.
WV: sufferd - I think you have all sufferd my stale wit enough for one day.
The first cake looks like it had an unfortunate encounter with the headsman.
I actually think the beehive cake IS frosted, and then covered with brown sugar or crumb topping to make it look like a beehive. In any case, it's different and creative.
The psychedelic one is... interesting. As for the age of the bride, well I have known some women old enough to be grandmothers who were obsessed with beanie babies. Let's just say age =/= maturity.
Anyone else have the theme song from the movie "Mars Attacks!" playing in their head when they look at the armada cake?
I assumed the beehive one was coated in honey!
Is it me or does the first one remind anyone else of a Fimble? (www.bbc.co.uk/cbeebies/fimbles)
The bee-hive cake would have been perfect if it had only had the most obvious frosting: honey glaze!
My 3 year old was on my lap when I opened the site and promptly said about the first picture, "Look! It's a caterpillar!"
I don't know if you've ever seen tackyweddings.com but this one ties right in with today's post.
http://tackyweddings.com/2008/12/25/ultra-tacky-backyard-wedding-and-the-worst-wedding-cake-ever-made/
Frill-necked lizard cake!
When threatened with marriage, turns
crimson and attacks!
Those are some..interesting cakes there!
~Amy B.
The groom on the polygamy cake does have a pretty big, uh, top hat. Maybe that's part of the draw for those stupid little icing women...
That beehive cake gives me the heebie jeebies. If it has insects burying into it, real or no, I don't want it...
The first one reminds me of some kind of worm coming up out of the table.
Bride to Baker:
"I want one of those topsy turvy cakes, but turv it all to one side. You know, sort of like a half eaten croissant."
The red fleet of cakes totally cracks me up. Can you imagine walking into a reception and seeing that? I think I'd take my fruit salad and hide under my table.
I kind of like the bee hive cake though. And is it really not iced, or did they ice it in brown? I couldn't really tell on my screen. However, I think it would be more appropriate for a child's party than a wedding. Points for creativity though.
I wish I'da thought of the icing-less cake when we got married. Neither of us like icing. We scraped it off before we fed each other. There is never icing on cakes I bake and when I store buy them, we scrape it off!
Different strokes for different folks!
These are like good cakes that took a left at Albuquergue. They just didn't quite make it.
The first one looks like an elephant snout coming up from under the table.
So, did they have the Beanie Baby bear and match the cake to it, or did they dye the bear to match the cake? Maybe the bear just got in the way of the unfortunate air brushing. TAKE COVER!!!
WV - trusnoup: A very honest private investigator.
Okay I found the wedding site where those red cake monstrosities came from. Here it is:
http://tackyweddings.com/2009/01/14/super-ugly-wedding-complete-with-santa-wedding-dress/
Is it weird that I actually like the beanie baby cake? :( I'm a sad, sad person.
The top wedding cake looks like it was assembled with some skill... which makes me wonder why they used that skill to craft a replica of the sand worms from Dune...
Not convinced that the polygamist cake is a wreck simply because there are three wives. Being polyamorous is no worse than being monogamous, as long as everyone's on board with the situation.
The first squinty one reminds me of a role of sushi or something cause of the middle of the top layer. Ick.
That polygamy cake with three brides...... oh no. They did not go there.
I actual eally like the last cake. The colors are blended well, it's nice and neat. Not wrecky at all to me. =)
Hey, I had to do a triple take on the beehive cake... it IS frosted. Pure genius. It looks like it was frosted and then dusted. If no frosting, wouldn't you see the line between one cake and the next? And the bottom is kinda smeared.
I really think that the beehive cake is frosted and then made to look brown...
That alien ensemble is THE ugliest thing I have ever seen! I would choose the florescent number over that monstrosity any day of the week!
You don't serve slices of that red cake. You just pick up individual tiers and toss them like Frisbees to each table.
The Beanie Cake hurts my eyes! It really does! What in the world? I'd love to hear the story behind it though.
About that second cake..... um, yeah.... You think that there was some "not being outdone by the jones" going on?
WV Mented, "I mented the cake to lean that way"
From looking more closely at the photo of the beehive cake, I would say that it IS frosted and then "dusted" with something like finely crushed graham crackers..which might taste pretty good. However, it definitely would have been prettier with some flowers and larger, less realistic bees - and no butterflies!
There are no words for the Armada. Good Lord!
"Also, RED ICING!? I have never tasted any that was not bitter, even when made with "no-taste" red food coloring."
You just reminded me of my great-grandma's birthday cake yearrrssss (17? 18?)ago. We still talk about how awful that red icing was!
The beehive cake IS iced, but is also dusted with powdered chocolate. I have seen one before. But, as said before, the bees need to be bigger.
The red one.... What the hell were they thinking!?!
omg! that first cake is crazy!!! how is it not falling over?!?!?!
I like the beehive cake (and if you look at the base you can tell that it is frosted, peeps), but all I can think when I see the "Big Love Cake" is that I don't remember Ginnifer Goodwin being bald.
I would love that beehive cake if it had a drizzle of white frosting over each of the rounded edges to look a little more appealing.and to look like it didn't taste so dry!
Cake without ANY icing = no cake I am partaking in!
ahh! I'm on Cake Wrecks! :D
The "alien armada" cake display cracks me up. When I first saw it, it immediately reminded me of the plate spinners at the circus - complete with Sabre Dance playing in the background.
Yaaaaah dit dit dit dit dit dit dit dit....Yaaaaah dit dit dit dit dit dit dit dit...
LOL!
I've seen a couple of cakes around here that resemble the alien armada. It's a Samoan tradition that you have as many layers for how old the bride is. Then you give out a layer each to the most respected people in the room...but everyone else just gets a slice.
...but it still looks awful.
That first cake looks like an obese tapeworm all prettied up and powdered for its wedding day. It's the precious little pink rose on top that gives it away. Chibi Shai Hulud is just getting into position to devour some poor bastard with that pastel pink mouth.
@ Laurie 10:30 - We had a styrofoam cake at our wedding because the caterer said they could ONLY do fruitcake ONLY with royal icing. This was in 1984 when wedding cake technology was presumably in the Dark Ages. My fiance and I hated those kind of cakes, so, intimidated by a imperious caterer, we had to acccept a styrofoam cake. For actual consumption purposes, we had a dessert table that was blessedly free of styrofoam, royal icing and fruitcake.
Wow - 23 cakes at one wedding. I shudder to think how ridiculous the rest of the wedding was. I agree the beehive cake is frosted - in beehive-colored frosting. The Beanie Baby cake is awesome, even if it is nasty fondant. If you go to Inmagine, you'll see some of the keywords for that photo are traditional, customs, nobody, four, several, and a few.
@ Nathan:
I like the way you think (because you think like I do)! >^~-^<
Your mentioning the plate spinners/circus theme actually triggered an image of something in my own mind in a very similar vein!
The first thing I "saw" here was a wildly innovative carnival ride!
(Yes--bring on the Sabre Dance; it's perfect!)
Just imagine...
The riders not only get a dizzying thrill from spinning clockwise AND counterclockwise (and uuup, and dowwwnn) inside the giant cake "layers," but at the end of the ride, they get to EAT the ride.
Then they throw it up.
What more could one ask for in a cake/ride/wedding combo?
eeek!! Scary scary stuff!!
Wow, I needed to get out my sunglasses to be able to focus on that beanie baby cake. It hurts!
The "uniced" cake actually looks like it was iced and then covered in Nilla wafer cookie or graham cracker crumbs.
I'm guessing the giant red octopus-spaceship cake is from a Chinese wedding? Isn't red a typical wedding color in their culture (color of good luck or joy or something like that).
That psychadelic beanie babies cake burns the retina. Seriously.
Also, that first wedding cake is cool. Not one I'd order, but rad nonetheless.
LOL! My almost 4 yr old daughter loved the last cake! She said she wanted it for her birthday.
The alien armada cake is featured at this website:
http://www.geocities.com/ghettofabwedding/
I love the caption they put on the picture. The mothership has landed indeed! I wonder what they did with the leftover cake.
It's a Christmas-themed wedding as you can plainly see, judging by the bride's Mrs. Claus dress, the color scheme, and the Christmas trees and wreaths.
I really like the beehive cake!
that last one is interesting, but for a wedding cake, I don't think so.
http://www.kitchenkapers.com/nordicware-beehive-pan.html
voila. Beehive.
the last one was just wrong in so many different levels. hilarious! but wrong.
Oh my god, the Alien Armada cake! roflmao!
When i saw the first cake, i wanted to laugh while asking my self.Why it was nnede to be like that?! lol..;D Now i know base on the tittle, "Weird Wedding Cakes" haha.. Thanks for sharing.Have a great weekend.;D
Travel and Living
Job Hunter
Judy said Okay I found the wedding site where those red cake monstrosities came from.
Well, at least seeing that answered the question of just how many people they were expecting at the reception: a lot!
Cake 1: How in the world do they get that to not fall over?
Cake 5: Owie! Should have had a sunglasses warning! Next time, they should make sure the wreckerator isn't a stoned hippie with an airbrush.
Why would multiple people in a successful relationship with each other be a joke, exactly?
Yes, I think the beehive cake is iced as well, just camouflaged with a dusting of some sort to resemble a skep.
And to Anonymous from Germany: I've had baked goods from your neck of the woods (or wald) and let me just say give me German torte/cakes any day over most of the stuff that passes for "cake" in the US. No offense to most of you US pros, but even a fancy decorated cake is just artwork unless it tastes wonderful. I can count on one hand the number of times I've had memorably good cake here.
Best cake I've ever eaten in my life: a roadside restaurant in Dingle Bay, Ireland. I'd sell my soul for the recipe.
I have to say, once you get past the idea that the bee cake isn't frosted, it's actually quite beautiful and a very clever idea. I say that because I love bees, and I love honey. To diopsideanddiamonds, it doesn't really look like poo. It looks like what it is, a skep. When you see it, think of Pooh, not poo. Bee-sides, sometimes, cake is better tasting without frosting, and I am imagining right now, that cake made with my absolutely delicious rum-cake recipe....mmmmmmmm ;)
Erin G.
That ferris wheel cake...Mama Mia! Just how many people was that intended to feed? A small nation?
"French for "albino booby tower".:
naaahahahahahaaaaa, totally dying here
I really like the first cake - I think although it's not exactly pleasing to the eye, it does show creativeness on the part of the couple and the cake is well decorated considering it's leaning tendency. Perhaps it's providing cover for the kissing couple haha...
It's a crime to not ice a cake, so I'm really hoping the beehive cake is iced and then dusted with cinnamon to make it look more realistic (if that's how you want to describe it).
Please put "albino booby tower" on a t-shirt. It's almost as good as "falker satherhood".
the cakes are only as crazy as the person who pays after they see them!! btw i think the bee cake is iced, but then coated with brown sugar or cake crumbs to give a real look to the hive? the red cake scares me, i fear sleep. all i can think is red room red room red room.
man, the 1st one would have been nice if the cake was standing straight up and down. so sad
omg,i have socks that look like that tie-dye cake!!
I liked the bee hive cake, but I think they should have used a bee hive colored frosting rather than leaving it naked... also, the butterflies hanging out seem kind of out of place. *shrug*
#3: Really? That's considered a wreck?
Are there going to be cakes for same-sex weddings posted too? Interracial weddings?
The un-iced cake would be great as a beehive. It'd be perfect there.
http://www.inmagine.com/rbv012/rbv0120640-photo
That site also has creative uses for those ditzy plastic toppers.
Hey Anonymous,
Yeah, cuz polygamy is EXACTLY like same-sex or interracial marriages.(/sarcasm)
Btw, how's life on the compound these days? I hear the new electric fence is keeping the runaway-bride problem down to a bare minimum. But, you know, that's JUST LIKE mixed-race or gay marriage... so s'all good.
(Waits to see if John will let this comment through...XD)
so many cute and interesting wedding cakes. wow...
Not convinced that #3 is a wreck. In the US, polygamy is often mentally associated with cultish religious behaviour. But it's a valid choice when everyone involved is a consenting adult. Wreckfail, in my opinion.
I asked my four year old what he thought of the first cake and he says, "Horny!"
After recovering, I said, "You mean like a bullhorn, right?''
"Yes, mom, what other horny would there be?"
Phew, we're still safe, but that's one messed up-would have been pretty cake!
Heeeyyy!
I would TOTALLY use the last cake at MY WEDDING. :(
Tye Die is SO rad.
I must admit, I love the last cake. I am a sucker for color.
You know, just because some people out there have screwed-up polygamous marriages doesn't mean some of us out here don't have awesome, egalitarian, queer polyamorous marriages that totally rock the house.
I suppose that's a little overly complicated for the person who made the "life on the compound" comment. Since, you know, all those people not like you are exactly the same as each other.
I've been with my partners for five years. We have multiple college degrees, are very independent-minded people and live quite happily together. I wish I could trust the world enough to use my blogger account in making this comment, since it has my real legal name attached to it.
I love the Beanie Baby cake! It's pretty!
I thought the Red behemoth might be for the Chinese acrobats.
Too bad the "hive" looks like poo.
I just have to chime in on the shark fin cake. One word: tampons!
That is all.
Polygamyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!
I love the Beanie Babies cake, but the "alien armada" one is so flutin' garish!
must.steal.beanie.baby.quote. <3
Am I the only person who thinks that the "eaves dropping" cake might be a metaphor for the wedding night?
I think the beanie baby cake looks cool!
I think the first cake must have been "Alice in Wonderland" inspired.
Im a hippie retro girl,so I REALLY dug that colorful cake!Im a cake dec and I do airbrush some of my cakes like that.
My brother in law had a skull wearing a top hat on his wedding cake... yeah, good way to start your marriage.
carrie f.
Well that one with three brides can be Muslim wedding cake ? Just an idea I guess ( they are allowed 3 wifes you know )
Judy said...
The third one I'm guessing is a wedding in salt lake city hmmmmm?
Lol Great My idea but closer to home I forgot about those great folks with many wifes as well :D
I'd suggest that those making cracks about Mormons and polygamy try getting correct current info. As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, based in Salt Lake City, UT, I can definitely state that we haven't practiced plural marriage since God withdrew authorization for that practice in 1890. These days, you get excommunicated for that.
Can't speak for the offshoots that have formed new churches of their own rather than accept that withdrawal of Divine permission for polygamy.
Honestly, I really like the first cake.
The second cake makes me want to cry... and hide my tongue from the extremely bitter frosting...
I like the third cake. I am not into polygamy, myself... however the comment about all the polygamists living in a compound honestly just makes me shake my head in disbelief about how uneducated people are about lifestyles any different from their own. Just because someone is different from you, doesn't mean you need to chastise them for it... =/ Many polygamists in the US are very educated, strongly-willed people. Just because some polygamists have messed up, doesn't mean they all do. Plenty of other religious beliefs have gone HORRIBLY WRONG in certain situations... other Christian beliefs... Muslim beliefs... etc, the list goes on. Not just Polygamy.
Anyway, the cake is very well done. It's not a wreck at all in my opinion... in any sense. Wreckfail... imho. Nice concept and beautifully constructed.
As for the fourth cake... it's definitely frosted... there's no seams and it's smeared at the bottom, as the other people said... it's probably frosted and covered with some sort of crumbly stuff... (wow technical terms here!) It looks really yummy to me :)
I actually like the fifth cake, but I think that's just because I have Synesthesia >___>;;;
Are you guys all zonked out blind? The beehive cake IS frosted- look at the bottom edge of the bottom layer. It has been frosted and then had cocoa powder thickly dusted on it. Geez!!
I love the beehive cake! And it's got to be frosted to hide the cake seams, right? Though I am required to make icing-less cakes in our house all the time. I know, sounds weird, naked bundt cakes and bald cupcakes... but it's certainly less trouble and less calories!