Monday, June 29, 2009

Tassel Hassles

Monday, June 29, 2009

Hey, look! Amber went back to school!

Looks like her folks are still using the same bakery, though. (Piles of dead leaves are such a "hassel", aren't they?)

This next Wreck sees Amber's "hassel", and raises it a "taffle":

If only it had been in quotes - "taffle" would leave so much more romper-room for the imagination, don't you think?

Speaking of lots of room, Courtney M. asked the bakery for a Star Wars graduation cake, and this is what she got:

Well, Courtney, there is a lot of space...in space. So, you know, it could be a metaphor.

Where some Wreckerators call it a day after a lime-headed Yoda and a plastic grad cap, though, others keep going, and going, and...

...going.

'Scuse me, Mr. or Ms. Wreckerator, but I think you missed a spot. Could you cram a few more "09"s on the top? Oh, and while I have you here, a few questions:

1) What are you congratulating math for?
2) Does that inscription really say "this book is for smart people only please donoot atemple to open if you are not smart"?

It does? Ok, then my next question is...

3) For the love of crossed-out-but-not-corrected spelling errors, why? I mean, wouldn't only the really dumb people try to open a cake that only resembles a book in that it is somewhat flat and rectangular? Or am I over thinking this? (Don't answer that, Wreckies; I'm talking to the decorator here.)


Jess K's mom ordered a graduation cake for her brother. To keep it simple, she asked for the cake to read "Woo-hoo Tommy!" Instead, she got:


Unintentionally appropriate with a side of sneering sarcasm. I like it.


Sabrina S., Jess G., & Maureen, you each get a gold star beside your name on my monitor. (Granted, this may make typing a little more diggifult, but fortunetly I learned to typr by touch.)
chelsea said...

I think that Yoda is cute!

Miranda said...

Ooohhhh. Those are abysmal!

VW: rudinput

I have some rudinput for these people who can't spell or follow directions.

The said...

I think math is being congratulated on finally shortening the quadratic equation. Instead of "x= + or -b, times the square root of 4ac, all over 2a, it is now simply =+squareroot. Nice.

Erin

VeggieT said...

ROFLOL! That's hilarious, I wonder if Cake Bakeries around the world wait for girls named Amber to come, order a cake, so they can wreck it....

Also I think you have that second cake entirely wrong, you see Rhianna just graduated from a vocational school, see? Oh you don't? Well She went to a Candy Making college, with a masters in the taffy-puller. So that cake was supposed to say "The Taffy's worth the hassle" yeah......... That's it....

Danielle said...

The only thing that would make that math book cake better would be if it were a CCC!

drgns4vr said...

tassel, hassel, taffle--don't worry, who'll ever notice, but the math thing is just uggggly.
Boo Hoo, indeed! But at least he got sprinkles.

Annimal said...

I think I shall forever ponder a Taffle's worth.

Lindalou said...

Who even knew that "the tassels worth the hassle" was even a graduation saying commonly known. Maybe it's only "shared" in the cake wrecking community.

LaurenH said...

On the first one: since the whole phrase is in quotes and obviously they're quoting SOMEONE since someone...ah...attempted the same phrase on the next cake, are the quotes REALLY that wrong on the first one...?

I mean there's plenty of other things wrong, like how it's feeding time for the leeches up in the corner! I'm just not really having a problem with the quotes.

I AM having a problem with congratulating Math! Why does no one want to congratulate Physics!?

Julie said...

...I just don't understand why we are congratulating math. What did math do for me lately?

sleeplessnights04 said...

Boo-hoo Tommy...so-what? He didn't graduate? LOL

jayspec said...

The second cake is clearly using the f-shaped ligature-s, fashionable in the 18th century. Thanks, wrongly-maligned wreckorator, for keeping archaic but still-classy font choices alive!

knitorpurl said...

Perhaps Tommy didn't actually get the diploma, which would make the boo-hoo appropriate. Either way, poor Tommy.

Skye said...

These are truly awful! You didn't even mention the weird scribbles-that-could-be words on the bottom of the math cake! What is that? "nadondoom"??

Sharon said...

At least the tassel wasn't worth a Hasselhoff cake.

Sarah said...

Notice the 6 on the Math cake looks like a chewed up piece of gum?

Melinda said...

I just love the Boo hoo Tommy cake. I think that one deserves to be made into a wreckerators apron.

Em said...

I love the math cake. Love it. But the one that really got me was Tommy's. I laughed, I cried. It was like a Broadway play without the music. Fabulous!

wv: poksp- This generation's Great Gatsby. The entire thing takes place on Facebook.

Anonymous said...

These are so wonderfully terrible.

I am glad you spelled out the writting on the math cake, my head couldn't take looking at it that closely.

Becky

Joshua said...

Jayspec is right on the theory. Although it's not a ligature-s, it's a Long S. I formed a currently ſolo movement to reſtore the uſe of Long S to common language. The only reaſon it was abandoned to begin with is that printers were lazy and cheap. So I've ſtarted uſing it in daily writing where appropriate. many of my more learned friends underſtand and have no problem with it. Others ask me why I'm writing Fs inſtead of Ss :)

Emily said...

Jen, you did it again, left me speechless! "lime-green Yoda head" LOL too funny! I find myself quoting you in the announcer voice from the Muppet Show, "Space In SSSSPPPPAAAAAAAAACCCEEE!"

darkshines said...

At least Tommy got sprinkles!

Melissa (& Billy) said...

I do NOT want to know what's on the first cake. It looks like...well, I won't say but it's just barftastic.

I think that's the cutest Yoda ever! Just make him a little bigger and voila!

It's too bad about the boo hoo cake. It's actually very tastefully done and looks quite festive.

Wreck on!

marybindc said...

I hope Amber went to the University of Texas, because there is no ohter reason for that color of brownorange.

WV: drati. What some recipients of these wrecks say when they see the cake.

DangGina said...

"Boo Hoo" cake is FUNNY!

The orange one that just doesn't stop? Oh. My. Heck. Love it. I'd laugh so hard if I got a cake that busy with words...even if the words made sense. Bwa ha ha!

Anonymous said...

At least the Wreckerator responsible for the "Boo-hoo Tommy" cake has excellent cake-handwriting. (Is there a word for "cake-handwriting"?) The mistake looks much classier that way.

Jennypen said...

I got my own space... in space. Boosh Boosh Boosh! :D

Amy said...

It's seeming more and more obvious that bakeries should require a dictionary..or several..in the kitchen at all times!

~Amy B.

Morgan the Muse said...

Boo hoo Tommy, that is my favorite.

Redd said...

Perhaps the recepient of the "Math" cake is of Welsh decent, and was named after Math fab Mathonwy. Or something.

Anonymous said...

The Math one is nauseating....

Rhianna said...

Long time lurker, first time commenter.

Wow... That wreck was so bad I never even got to see it.
I guess its better that way. I mean they shouldn't make fun a persons FAFFLE! I may studder alot but a cake is just mean!

Anonymous said...

I'd love to get the "Boo-Hoo" cake for my nephew, Tommy, who is a very sensitive soul. Poor kid cries at everything.

Melinda said...

Not to echo the other Melinda (I need an avatar to clear up any Melinda confusion), but the Boo-Hoo Tommy cake was my absolute favorite. I was reading along grinning until I got to that one, then I burst out laughing.

wv: Bleth, what the wreckerator wrote on Beth's graduation cake.

Anonymous said...

Oh my, the math cake...just...oh my.

sendingtheclowns said...

jayspec said...
"The second cake is clearly using the f-shaped ligature-s, fashionable in the 18th century."
***********************
Okay...I'll bite. WHY, then, is the word "Hassel" NOT making use of the same type of "s"? Both words are on the same cake, for corn's sake.
Wait! Wait! I know: the cake was STARTED in the 18th century, and FINISHED in the 20th.
Yah?

Nitrocat said...

Obviously looking up the word "hassle" in the dictionary was too much of a bother too.
Hassel was a Norwegian scientist. Yep, that's just what I'd want on my cake.

sendingtheclowns said...

I, for one, am not likely to try and OPEN a math cake...at least not until I've checked it out of the Librarakery.
I prefer Pi anyway.
>^ee^<

James, Andrea, and Clara Smith said...

I think the Math cake is hideous, but it does have some promise. I think the scribbles are attempting to illustrate a corrected paper by a teacher. I think the cake is attempting some sort of mental flashback of 12 years of school. Still VERY poorly executed.

Colleen said...

Jen,
How about bad TWILIGHT cakes?? That would be awesome! Or maybe a Twilight Sunday Sweets?

Angie said...

Personally, I'm smart enough to not try to open a math book after college... much less a math CAKE. Yikes.

Altho, if all the math books were really made of cake, I might have done better in calculus.

wv: genne
The Genne was obviously not paying attention when these people wished for non-wrecked cakes.

sendingtheclowns said...

Amber's and Christian's cakes both have a mortarboard-on-a-black-saucer thing going on--what's up with that? Since WHEN do mortarboards have BRIMS on them?
It looks weird.
I mean this sincerely: aside from that small glitch, the cakes are truly lamentable.

Amanda said...

I really want to know how the decorators even let these abominations leave the store!
The Yoda one is hilarious just because of the weirdly placed "decorations" and the lettering that gets bigger and smaller throughout...

WV: raxobarf -- these cakes must have come from raxobarf.

Lael said...

I have not laughed this hard in two months.

Luke said...

Maybe the wreckerator of the "taffle" cake was using the Long S letter, common in English until it became an obsolete letter some 150 years ago. "Taſſle" reads the same "tassle" in this regard.

MalMal said...

On a related note, because it's in your comments:

Is there a difference between Wreckers and Wreckies? Like with the Star Treck people? Some of us just enjoy Cake Wrecks and know the terminology and can reference our favorites, and some of us go driving from bakery to bakery searching for Wrecks, and even attend conventions dressed up as our favorite Wreck? If so, I believe that my invitation to the last Cake-Con was lost in the mail. I *totally* would have come as a naked baby on a carrot.

I'm hurt, guys... really hurt.

Julie H said...

"Boo Hoo Tommy" made me laugh til I cried! Maybe the Wreckerator was combining "Woo Hoo!" and "Boo Yah!"??? Ok, mebbe not.


wv: huralls (slang) combination of "Hurray" and "Y'alls".

sendingtheclowns said...

MalMal said...
"... I *totally* would have come as a naked baby on a carrot."
*********************
And would you be sporting a Mohawk haircut as well?
I'll ask this, too (as long as we're riding the train to Fantasy Land): Where would you get a big enough carrot to ride in on?
Ahhh...the images cavorting in my mind (of a carnival-like atmosphere for a "Wreckies" convention) are MORE than tantalizing...!
=^~,~^=

Cyndi said...

I apologize in advance. I can't resist.

in best Barbie voice

"Math is hard!"

*withering sigh*

Rooz said...

In partial defense of a mostly indefensible wrecktastic cake, my partner's name is Math, so that is one plausible possibility for the "why?" question.

-Rosalie

MA said...

Did anyone watch Cake Boss tonight? The Doves in the cake idea freaked me out alot, but the execution was incredible!
And those "exotic" cakes as Cake Momma called them. ahem, um... well let's just say that they were incredibly detailed, and the client very happy. Jenny, did you see it, and what did you think?

Lee said...

I'm pretty sure I saw that math cake as a greeting card. It would make more sense that way. Still ugly as a cake, though. Another thought - maybe it was supposed to be for Matt instead of Math.

twitchywoman said...

The Boo Hoo one made me laugh for quite awhile. Especially the caption.

Stillapill said...

Actually, I think the baker of the Math! cake is getting a bum deal. I think the person ordering it brought in the graduate's math book and asked for an exact duplicate of the cover. Hence, you have a monstrosity of bored and somewhat deranged writings of various unknown persons over a multitude of years. (We all know how much time passes before they spring for new textbooks.)

Morgan said...

That deaf dumb and blind boy sure cries a lot.

jackie31337 said...

"Taffle" reminds me of the old-style S-that-looks-like-f that you see, for example, in the US constitution.

Various spellings of "hassel" mean "hazel" in several Germanic languages, and are the basis of the word for "hazelnut". I'm not sure whether the tassel is worth a hazelnut though.

twinklescrapbooks said...

If you ignore all the mistakes and just look at the color of icing on all the cakes, you will still be reaching for pepto-bismal!! Seriously the colors should be banned LOL.
tina

lainielou said...

The penmanship on Tommy's cake was lovely! At least he's got that going for him.

My rehearsal dinner cake was a bit of a wreck. I'll have to scan that in and submit it.

Elaine

Anonymous said...

Well, I waf going to fay what Jayfpec faid, but no need to be repetitive. :)
Erin G.

LI Laura said...

It cracks me up that "Congratulations" is finally spelled right, but now they can't spell "hassle."

Hyena Overlord said...

Choice of icing colours...Fail.

wv: dualed...a term used to describe someone who has role played two characters in RGP chat rooms. Dualling is usually forbidden.

The Little Jewelry Box said...

LOL!!! This is hysterical!

Anonymous said...

That last one made me try to pass my coffee through my nose! (yuck)

Thanks for the laugh.

WandaV

MalMal said...

Of COURSE I would have a mohawk. As for the carrot, well... let's just see how well this Miracle Grow really works, shall we?

I really think a Cake-Wreck-Con would be awesome. As long as nobody came as Olivia (of "Push Olivia Push").

wv: dieramp. Certain onramps in the LA freeway system.

gabi said...

this post made snot come out my nose. and i don't have a cold. not even allergies.

i love you.

Running 365 said...

Boo-Hoo! I think that is my ultimate favorite. I almost lost my pudding cup I was laughing so hard.

I think the who decorator who correctly spelled "Congratulations" (even though she messed up both "tassel" and "hassle" pretty royally) deserves some credit though!

Crazy Cat Lady said...

Can someone tell me what wv stands for?

Lynn said...

I must say they are all awful in their own ways but I have to admit, I smiled when I read your comments and I saw the happy face Yoda cake ( you already know my opinion of plastic junk on cakes )...

I can't remember the little guy looking so cute or carefree ! LOL

Anna said...

For a math graduate, this cake must be sort of depressing. It just screams "Congratulations for getting a degree in absurd gibberish that I'm not gonna pretend like I care about! Here, stuff it with a square root with a plus sign."

Gladys said...

Holy McMoly. Wowzerella, even. Those colors, for heaven's sake.

The...ahem, "patriotic" cake with the airbrushing...all I could think of was that the eagle had eaten a boatload of mixed berries before he took flight over THAT cake...urgh.

Also, that MATH!! cake clearly has a mistake...7 divided by a does not equal oddly-angled different-colored 09. That's just fail.

(Hey Crazy Cat Lady! "wv" is the word-verification thingie we have to type before our comments will post. For some reason, the ones here at Cake Wrecks are--like Cake Wrecks itself--awesomer than the rest, and thus are very receptive to having Wrecky definitions made up to fit them. For example, mine:)

wv: aphicke. The cake looked as though it were infested with aphickes; then again, perhaps some pesticide might have improved the flavor.

Rusty and Bandit said...

That third Yoda/Grad Cap cake is going to have me scratching my head for days...make that weeks.

merceb said...

Your blog makes me happy.

sendingtheclowns said...

@MalMal:
Alrighty, then! That's settled.
We'll watch for such a gathering, and I'm confident that all in attendance will be on the lookout for a naked, Mohawk-headed person with a HUGE carrot.
I agree: Olivia should be barred from our convention. There has to be *some* measure of decorum.
=^~-^=

Yummy in my tummy said...

"Taffle"- gotta love it. LOL!

Home of The Angry Walnut said...

I don't think the words are crossed out and not fixed... There is a brown squiggle nowhere near a word. I think those are poorly placed confetti/streamers. I guess that would mean the spelling is just atrocious.

Crazy Cat Lady said...

Thanks, Gladys!

Joanna Schaff said...

Those are not "f"s in Tassle they are clearly old fashioned long "s"s. The decorator has some sort of degree in Old English but doesn't get to use it a lot.

Rachel Leastlikely said...

wow, the wreckerator of the second cake is clearly from the early 1800's. those ff's look strikingly similar to the weird-looking s's you used to see in old-timey type.

Karen E. Rice said...

Sorry, I disagree. Those are Fs. If they were Ss then the ones in "Hassel" (sic) would look the same.

Lily said...

I'm going to go against the crowd and say that I love the math one. I think it must be a joke, crossed out spelling errors, nonsensical messages, it must be a wreck on purpose. Math's celebrators hopefully asked for it to be that ugly.

I just pre-ordered a cake to say, "Happy New Years! Congratulations on Your no Babies '09. For Serious, bros. Mission Accomplished!" the baker kind of looked at the form, asked me if I was sure that was what I wanted, repeated it back to me, checked the punctuation and capitalization, and asked me for a color scheme.

I hope that the math cake was made by an equally dedicated baker.

Osaka_Mary said...

I've read a little bit about handwriting analysis. In the "Boo-Hoo Tommy" cake, the Y has a little claw on it. People who do that feel guilty about something and subconsciously try to create reasons for people to get angry at them.

whirlofwings said...

My favorites were Rhianna's taffle cake and Boo-Hoo Tommy! I can't believe how awful these cakes are!

Also, I have a hard time congratulating Math. I think they should make a Biology cake. No wait.... considering the way Wreckerators make frogs, that's not a good idea.

Cupcakes Lady said...

"At least the tassel wasn't worth a Hasselhoff cake." - great comment. Made me laugh xx

Anonymous said...

Maybe the congratulations was supposed to go to Matt, not math. It is a post on misspellings after all...