Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Seasonal Non Sequiturs

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

I appreciate that some decorators are trying to think outside the traditional wreath/stocking/tree box, but then again...

For the granddaughter who loves dissecting frogs - formaldehyde frosting optional. (And you know, without the comma "Love Grandma" becomes more of a command. A really creepy one.)


Have a cake left over from Halloween? Meh, just slap a Santa hat on it.*


The head of a flower, the face of a snowman, the body of a slug, and a candy cane for a...belt buckle. (Please, let's just go with belt buckle.) "Let it Snow"? How about "Let it Go" - as in, away. Far, far away.

Brace yourself for this next one:

The mind, it boggles. Is this a frilly white Santa caterpillar, crawling up a red boulder? Or has Santa sampled some Wonka chewing gum (with cherry pie dessert)? The back certainly does nothing to clear up the mystery:

What IS that little bump? A tail?

Even more baffling, the decorator thought this was such a smashing design that s/he made it in miniature as well:

Now the bumps are on the side. What does it mean?!?

Try to picture those "cakes" without the plastic Santa heads for a moment. I'm getting a real "raw meatballs sitting in radioactive waste" vibe - how 'bout you?

Thanks to intrepid Wreckporters Brittney E., Meredith O., Kelly D., & Heather K.!

*I'm told this is actually a Grinch cake. Not sure that alleviates the wreckiness, though.
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Alix said...

BELT BUCKLE!! I wet my pants.

Aviatrix said...

"Frog laid open in dissection" was the first thing that crossed my mind when I saw that first one, too. For the Santa-headed blobs I'm thinking leftover football cakes, with the white fuzzy stripes covering up the stitching.

Taryn(gasped) said...

Oh. my. gawd.

These are the most wrecky yet!

EEK at that "Grinch" cake!!

WHAT were these people thinking?!

Word verification: ookimpr: I'm speechless.

Anonymous said...

I'm wondering if those Wonka'd Santas were originally turkeys of some sort, for Thanksgiving...

milkyway said...

Jen, you've missed the most important point of all. In this season of commercialism and such materialistic focus, a few brave decorators are doing their part to cut down on the money spent(or the desire to spend money) by those feeling the economic pinch.

We should be saluting these fine men and women for their frightening creations. After all, they've pointed us to the PERFECT Christmas gift. For the person who has it all... give them a dose of non-reality. Clearly, they're using a product that we should all buy our loved ones for Christmas. ;)

Megan said...

Yeah, I suspected grinch, but that doesn't diminish the wreckiness. It's still godawful bad.

Erin T. said...

The Grinch cake looks more like Oscar the Grouch!

Erin T.

Kate said...

A grinch? A GRINCH? I'm still working under the assumption that it's a yule-tide Oscar the Grouch. And as far as the poor Santa trapped in a meatball, I wonder if it's red velvet cake underneath? Imagine the faces of the children when Mommy cuts that one open at Christmas dinner.

Hyena Overlord said...

That's just all wrong. Creepy and wrong.

wvotd jahetual. Those cakes scared the jahetual out of me

pednurse said...

So now that someone has beheaded the Grinch and preserved his head in a jar.....does that mean Christmas is safe forever??? LOL

Leslie said...

You're a vile one, Mr. Grinch. No really, we mean it. That looks more like Oscar the Grouch on steroids.
As for those horribly bloated Santa cakes, I don't know what to say. It disturbs me a bit that they had to write "Santa" in black icing so we'd know what it really was. I'm not sure if I like your theory about the Wonka gum or if Santa is just having water retention issues.

The Dutchess of Kickball said...

That is not the Grinch, that is totally Oscar the Grouch with a Santa Hat.

And the complete mystery cake. I assume it was a Santa Head on a football.

Flartus said...

Man, those last ones are mystifying. Does Santa boast the mullet to end all mullets? Or has santa become a mullet, writhing like a mermaid on a red-hot lava rock?

My mind is boggling, and it hurts a little.

word verification: whiesman. "Why oh why?" they whined as they followed the star. "It's all just gonna end in wreckiness in a few thousand years."

Anonymous said...

That second photo looks more like Oscar the Grouch than the Grinch.

That's it -- Oscar with a Santa hat on his head. Or road kill on his head. Hmmm....

Christine #2 said...

Weird....

Anonymous said...

What the flaming hell? I especially love the first one. What is that, some kind of pine tree gremlin? Better be good this year or instead of coal, you'll get one of these little guys popping out of your tree on Christmas morning! The green freaky head under glass is great too. And I can only guess that Santa has some REALLY big, tied back hair on those last cakes, and that he apparently no longer posesses arms or legs. Perhaps a run in with tree gremlins?

Fluffy Cow said...

I am laughing so hard it hurts. Literally. Too many sit-ups on Monday, but... uh.... I'm gonna go laugh at the meatball santas again!!!

Elyse said...

I believe that the top "frog" is also a Grinch - his heart is growing three sizes (right through his chest). The bandy-legs are just because he's had a bit of chaffing from riding around in that sleigh.

maria said...

DUH- That's obviously Walrus Santa.

He's really tiny and rides on Rudolph's nose while Human Santa is out delivering his presents, and leaves all the good little Pinnepedia boys and girls bukkits under their Christmas icebergs.

Cassykins said...

Oh my those Santapillars are terrifying

Zed-Aitch said...

Maybe the bump is a scrunchy at the end of his mullet?

Zita

mimiheart said...

The Santa-Bowling-Ball creatures are going to haunt me with the green thingy. It managed to scare my three-year-old.

wv: sterop, when a stereo flops

All Adither said...

All I could think of is that it looks like the whale who swallowed Jonah-Santa.

Angie (from over at www.HalfAssedKitchen.com)

The Pink Queen Albatross said...

The one cake looks like Oscar the Grouch with a Santa hat. When I read how "love grandmom without the comma is more like a command" I started thinking of the movie Zoolander and the weird hypnotic "Obey my dog!" line. And the weird Santa lump cakes are beyond weird.

yani said...

Hummm maybe it's santas bags ( get your minds out of the gutter, it's those bags he use to bring gifts) it would explain the little tail and all....but not the decapitated santa.

writtenwyrdd said...

I always laugh at your posts, but "please lets just go with belt buckle..." ROFL!

rishabree said...

Thank goodness you managed to explain the green monster - but the huge santa pimples are still utterly baffling.

Anonymous said...

Santa stuffed in his toy bag? Love Santapillers, imagine the adorable caterpiller/santa cake that could be made! Not that caterpillers have ANYTHING to do with Christmas, just cute!

Dodi said...

I drop by every morning for my first laugh of the day, and you NEVER disappoint!

The wonka santa has me crying... this is the greatest blog of all time.

yousuckatcraigslist said...

I also thought Oscar the Grouch for the green thing.

And I think that those are depicting the return of the Great White Santa Whale. It's a Norwegian folk tale in which The Great White Santa Whale crawls up on the rocky shores of the fjords and blows presents and candy out of its blowhole for all the good little boys and girls.

Or something like that.

Anonymous said...

I agree that the grinch is Oscar the Grouch. I think perhaps the Santa blobs are supposed to be santa hats. That would sort of explain the "tails." Why there is a santa head on them I cannot explain.

Wonderful wreckiness!

Alyson Button Stone said...

Wow, Santa-pillars! I was under the impression that insects didn't believe in Santa Claus.

In all seriousness, I believe the large red blob thing the Santa head is sitting on is his sack full of gifts. That, or it's a cocoon?

three08 said...

aww, belt buckle? but the alternative is alliterative!

KPP said...

Grinch...right.

Maybe the last ones are leftover turkey cakes? And they just stuck Santas on them? Maybe? I don't know.

Denise said...

Nightmares of Santa slugs will now dance in my head.

Anonymous said...

Obviously the command to Love Grandma went unheeded since Gabriella has sunk to a new low. Now only did she not get a real cake, or a even CCC, but a decorated cookie cake. Wow. Remember when getting coal was an indication of bad behavior? Gabriella must be one bad kid!!! And can a frog have pointed ears? Part of me loves what looks like a snowflake on a pine branch, but the candy cane is comically misplaced. Just in case you thought cake mistakes took a holiday...here's proof that a wreck can happen 24/7....

Mandy said...

I agree, I think that the first cake was probably intended to be the Grinch with his larger heart, but my first thought was Kermit.

D.B. Echo said...

"Bring me the head of the Grinch on a platter! Under a glass bell jar! Or a plastic dome. Whatever."

Those Santa Slugs look like baby Harp Seal pups trying to avoid getting clubbed to death in the annual harvest by donning Santa masks. "You wouldn't club Santa to death, would you?"

megryphon said...

Instant reaction: Muppet cakes!
First cake: Poor Kermit!
The inscription looks like: "Merry Christmas Godzilla Love Grandma"
I didn't know that Godzilla had a Grandma, but there y'go.
Second cake: Oscar as Grinch.
Third & so on: Mahna Mahna, Doot doo de doo-doot

o<\\\;^) Jan the Gryphon
http://gryph-wotd.blogspot.com/
word ver. phiessea - the sound made by the bloated santa cakes when cut

kjl said...

Elyse, good call on the dissected frog actually being the Grinch! With regard to the Santa balls, I just have no words except what the hell. I just don't even know what else to say.

GM said...

The Grinch cake looks like a green koosh ball that somebody slapped facial features and a hat on.

The Santa-pillar has me speechless. And what the heck are those green blobs? . . . Wait, I've got it. Maria is right: It's Walrus Santa, and the green blobs are the icebergs he leaves the bukkits under.

Chelle said...

So funny. *tear*

Jennifer H in SC said...

I was thinking with Yani at first .. santa's bag o' toys, but why no body? is he IN the bag? Then i remembered the cheesy movie about 4 years ago "slither" THAT'S what they were going for!!! the girl in the barn who eventually exploded into lots of the worm looking things that are crawling up this santa!
Whew glad i cleared that up in my head!

Emmers said...

wh..the last one.

why?

WHY.

Anonymous said...

As if it wasn't bad enough, I think Gabriella's name is spelled wrong. Unless her name really is Gabreilla. Good news is you can scrape icing off a cookie without too much damage. Happy Froggydays everyone!

WV is phiallik as in phiallik candy canes are inappropriate decorations.

--Becky

domino_dreams said...

At least the Grinch/Oscar the Grouch head looks like it could be something... I mean, normally I can make some sort of sense out of even the worst wrecks, but those Santa blobs have me completely stumped. I have NO clue what the baker could possibly have been thinking, but whatever he's smoking, I want some!!

word verification: quepi.. that's what he was smoking...

Pata Fria said...

Maybe the big red blob is Santa's body?? And the other things are mittens???

domino_dreams said...

OH! I figured it out!! The santa cakes are the result of the baker having made WAAAY too much white frosting and needing to get rid of it before it gets thrown out. And the santa heads are leftover from making christmas decorations.....

Tabitha (From Single to Married) said...

"let's just go with belt buckle" - I agree! What were they thinking?? :)

Passion Fruit said...

Awesome Wrecks!

I think these have to be some of my favourites!


Brianna McCarthy @ Passion.Fruit
http://briannamccarthy.blogspot.com

Erin said...

The snoman has to be a Thansksgiving left over, that is totally the shape of a cornucopia. Maybe santa just had some bad eggnog?
WV:aseste-Could you please aseste me in figuring out what happened to santa?

Bonnie said...

These just keep getting better and better!!! I agree with Elyse, I think the first one is also an attempt at a Grinch...note the heart...

The second one is...horrible...similar to those baby cakes for showers...who is going to cut into the decapitated head?

And on the santapillers, what's up with the large one floating in blue with giant green blobs on it. I think it's more like Santa Monster. And what really cracks me up is that, similar to the 'Fireplace' wreck, the decorator had to label 'Santa' on it so everyone would know who it was.

So, here's our verse for the day:

On the third day of Christmas Cake Wrecks, Jen gave to me, three Santa Mullet Monsters, two attempts at Grinchiness, and a blooming snowman with a candy cane "belt buckle"!!!!!!

~Bonnie B~

Jen Shikami said...

The kid's name is "Gabreilla"? EI?

madrobins said...

I thought #2 was supposed to be Oscar the Grouch as Santa Grouch (can you tell I've seen too much Sesame Street?). Looked at that way, it's still a little off base for the holiday, but a slightly more successful cake.

There are no words for the Fat Santa cake. I thought of the Violet Beauregard blowing up like a blueberry too. ::shudder::

Bethany2v said...

I think the santa ones could possibly be a santa hat, it would explain the "lump" on the end. It'd just be the fuzzy ball that is normally on those hats. The only thing unexplainable with that theory is why there's a santa head on top... WEIRD!

Deborah said...

Santa says "The spice must flow."

Nicole said...

My daughter said the Oscar one with the Santa hat looks like a cat in weeds. I guess the eyes must look cat-like to her.

HorribleLicensePlates said...

BWHAHAHA I can't stop laughing about the belt buckle and the snail santa, classic!

Ross said...

I think the last ones are Santamaids or possibly MerSantas sunning on a rock to let the sailors know that the presents are due north.

Penny said...

Wow...now I think these may be just one of the wreckiest post EVER!....though the wedding cakes take a close second.

Hey Jen,
what not to crochet paid tribute to cake wrecks today by featuring a CROCHETED cake...with a swan on it!...check it out. http://whatnottocrochet.wordpress.com/

oh and the wv for the day: ingessed: what I don't want to do after seeing these cakes.

Theresa said...

"pednurse said...
So now that someone has beheaded the Grinch and preserved his head in a jar...."

That's exactly what I thought - but he's supposed to be good now. You know with his new and improved heart. Poor headless grinch.

Anonymous said...

I am pretty sure that is meant to be a bag of toys... the bump is the gather at the end where it is tied up... why, however, they decided to adorn it with Santa's head is beyond me.

5thsister said...

Egads! Frosty sure is frisky!

Leslie said...

So...confused...

Banana said...

I said a curse word out loud when I saw the santa cake. The one that was once considered bad enough to give movies automatic R ratings.

(the word verification that I have to type is "biting us" haha)

Laura said...

Someone needs to start a shop called "Cake Wrecks". They are so funny, I would love to order one for a party. Quite the conversation starter. I guess in that case, I could just make my own. Undoubtedly, it could be an entry in your cake wreck blog.
Laura

What's Her Face said...

Yeah, the Grinch if he is standing under a VERY powerful air vent. I can see that...

CaliGirl9 said...

I am making an appointment for nightmare therapy. Those cakes are pushing me to the edge of sanity! Scary stuff!

Happy Halloween!

What's that you say? It's Christmas time? Those are Christmas cakes?

(Dialing the phone faster.)

Amy said...

Santa's eaten so much milk and cookies he's turned into Jabba the Hut!!

Dissected Frog..EWWWW!
~Amy B.

Play Parks said...

Hilarious!! My first time here. You are headed for my Google Reader. I linked from Twitter. I'm telling everyone I know about this site. We can all use a laugh. It's funny when it's not YOUR cake.

Bekaboo said...

Pause, I think the bump on the side of Santa could possibly be one hand?

Sara and Randy said...

Those santa (?) cakes are unbelievable. Just- whoa.

word verification: layse: how a wreckerator would spell lazy on a cake, because said person is, well, lazy.

Anonymous said...

I thought it was Oscar...
and all I can say about the Santa slug is that it recalled Alice in Wonderland, or perhaps more aptly Jefferson Airplane's White Rabbit.

Ali said...

Santa caterpillars!! I am STILL laughing!! Now I have to go stare at them some more; they are just BIZARRE!

christeljoy73 said...

The Santa blobs/cakes made me think of the movie Slither.

*James* said...

I don't get the 'grinch' cakes...I was just like huh???

word verification: nouns
first time i've actually gotten a real word :)

Katie said...

I thought the Grinch cake was supposed to be Oscar the Grouch. Hmmm...

alisaz said...

the creepy crawler Santa has got to be one of the funniest cakes I have ever seen. I understand artistic vision, but this is just pushing the envelope. And that flower Snowman!!! I mean... it must be cold there, am I right ladies? Am I right??

Alexis said...

I...think the Grinch wreck is kind of cute. Even though it is unequivocally a wreck and doesn't resemble the Grinch at all whatsoever.

Heather said...

Ooh! After staring at it long enough, I think I finally understand what the snowman CCC is supposed to be (well, as much as one can understand these things...).

The green slug part is supposed to be his scarf, and then he's missing a body underneath that. Why the scarf needs a candy cane in it, I don't know, but it's a better place for a candy cane than his, um, "belt".

utaduta said...

its fudggy the whales christmas buddy. santa the great white whale.

Bittersweet said...

A belt buckle. Mmm ya okay.

And isn't that Santa coming out of a chimney and the white frosting is the smoke that's billowing out?? I'm positive that's what the "decorator" was going for!

rrr said...

Oh! Oh! *tears in my eyes*
LOLOL!
Frilly Santa catepillar!
Oh! My sides ache!

Deborah Godin said...

I really don't think the person who made those cakes should be allowed to roam at will in society.

Tamatha said...

That doesn't look like the Grinch. I totally thought that it was Oscar the Grouch. As Oscar, it's a pretty cute cake, I think.

Anonymous said...

those santas are REALLY creeping me out...eww!!!

Bonnie said...

I love you guys! I come here first thing in the morning to get my laugh from Jen, and then after lunch to read the comments...and they just crack me up!

Rishabee....Santa pimples????? I just laughed so hard I snorted...

Word verification: borieran....Cake Wrecks is anything but borieran!

KimikoMuffin said...

Hmm ... Santa the Hutt, anyone?

Stunbunny said...

I believe that's the particular shade of green that, when used in the rain forests of South America, says "I'm highly poisonous! Don't eat me!"

Anonymous said...

Thank you once again Jen! You made me laugh aloud - the folks sitting next to me in the airport probably wonder what's going on. The world definitely needs more wreckiness as comic relief.

The Ferber Family said...

grinch, eh? i was leaning more towards a festively decapitated oscar the grouch, but i'll take your wrecky word for it.

Wild Child said...

Actually, that Grinch cake reminds me more of Oscar the Grouch who seems to have donned a Santa hat.

jengersnap said...

Something must be wrong with me. I laughed out loud at work from the depiction of Santa getting freaky with the reindeer rears, right down to the brown stubby tails. I just fear asking where Santa's hands are.

WV: flesse. The biproduct of beard on bump friction.

Juliet said...

The Santa-pillars are just so... weird. So weird that they existed outside my imagination until today.

>Deborah said...
>Santa says "The spice must flow."

Oh Deborah thank you! Yoiu beat me to it, but I was on my way to making that comment! All he needs now are those glowing blue eyes.

Julie said...

Grinch, grouch.... they sound similiar.

iheartyourguts said...

I think the leftover Halloween cake is supposed to be a Grinch. SUPPOSED to be. I have no suggestions for the red mound of Santa....

Scritzy said...

Cookie Cake: Badly-executed Grinch. Although maybe "executed" is a more apt word that I think. You WILL love Grandma, or the Grinch dies! Bwhahahahahaha!

Snowflower: Um, yeah. Maybe after hitting the wassail bowl one time too many.

Green head: Definitely Oscar the Grouch in a Santa hat. I have an Oscar ornament that looks like it. Sort of.

Big-bloated-football-shaped-flowing-tresses-Santas: This is some baker's revenge. Has to be. It's the only explanation.

Unless that baker had too much wassail, too.

Word verification: uniondm. They may be college-educated, but they certainly don't have their uniondm.

The Chic Cakery said...

Duh! It's a beached Santa whale! *smacks forehead*

Anonymous said...

Usually I can at least sort of see what the decorator intended...but those last two....NO IDEA! (However, they may be my favorite Holiday wrecks so far!! I laughed out loud at my desk!)

And a side note...the "grinch" cake...it looks more like Oscar the Grouch to me...

MaryO said...

Oh dear lord. I MUST remember to take a change of underwear to work in case I P my pants reading CakeWrecks. Signing on and viewing the Wrecktastic has become part of my morning routine!

Santa Slugs, Santapillars or Santa on Steroids - take your pick! And I'm not touching the Grinch in weeds or dissected Grinch - too gross! I definitely get the radioactive vibe on the last one!

I'm howling, ROTFLMAO !! Thank YOU!

Foxy said...

i think the santa-piller is supposed to be a hat of some sort...

Suetois said...

I'm pretty sure the white stuff on Santa's back is his bag. The bag comes up over his shoulder and down into the little bump which is his mittened hand holding the end of the bag.

heathernkids said...

I love Oscar the Grouch with a santa hat!!

blackberry said...

You're a loser. I was trying to eat my sandwich and almost choked. This is my #1 site.
Merry Christmas Everybody!

Julianne said...

I love your blog, and I read it religiously every day. I've seen every single cake you've posted here, and there have been some scary ones...

but never..

NEVER

Have I been so traumatized by a cake as the Santapillars. I think I might have nightmares about that tonight! *shiver*

Suzi said...

Oh No! Oscar the Grouch has jaundice!

Kimberly said...

OH no, you totally bruised my ribs today! How could you hit us with four like that in a row? Ha ha!

and those meatball santas - hee. Now I want to buy one...

Anonymous said...

Hilarious. Bravo, Jen, as always.
-Deb

Anonymous said...

uuuuuuuuuhhhhhh

Jonathan said...

The surrealists strike again!

Kelsi said...

I want a Santa caterpillar. It looks adorable! And fuzzy.

As long as it doesn't talk. Talking caterpillars are Right Out.

Lady Éowyn said...

Here's hoping the frog with the really big lips is not a depiction of Grandma. Heh, because whatever it is has a vital organ showing through the scalpel slice.

Very poor Grinch, but I disagree about Oscar... he doesn't look like him either. Looks more like a furry pea with snake eyes.

I can't get over the Santa blimp though. :D Or is it a Santa duck? The first one does appear to be swimming... around seaweed... And that'd explain the tail.

Word verification: misistslo. "I'll be home for Christmas. You can count on me. Please have snow, and misistslo... and presents under the tree..."

miss boo said...

I thought the Snowman Blossom said "1st it Snors", and I'm not ven kidding.

Those Santa...things terrify the living daylights outta me. If you were cleaning in preparation for your holiday party, pulled up your mattress, and found a colony of misshapen Santa cakes milling about, you would cancel the party and move to another state.

At least I would.

DangGina said...

What the AYCH was up with the creepy frog?

When I first saw the "grinch" cake I was thinking more along the lines of Oscar the Grouch. Wearing a Santa hat.

Also...that's the fattest Santa I've ever seen.

IDBUG said...

Oh my, we've got dissectable frogs, Oscar the "Grinch", Wonka dinner gum with blueberry pie, AND a Dune reference?! This thread has EVERYTHING!

Everything, I tell you!

Lisa said...

I think the "Let it Snow" cake is a snowflake on an evergreen branch. The frosting pine needles are actually pretty good, and I like that the snowflake is actually the right shape. Weird cake, but relatively well done.

sweettc said...

You know what I get one accidental Santa slug. I dont really understand the need to make it in mini form. Did they really think it looked better in the smaller version.

I think some was dipping in the egg nog a little to early.

Charming Handle said...

I just noticed that the Grinch cake HAS a Santa hat on it! It's the flat top of the cake and it comes off to the side. I guess they get points for adding it?

momseyeview said...

Grinch? I thought he was some sort of albino Santa Merman!

Anonymous said...

i needed that santa blob--laughed til it hurt

Caeli said...

I totally have those Santa Slugs all figured out. That first ginormous santa ball is Santa's little head sitting atop his bloated body, and that additional blob at the end of the white fluff is actually his mittened hand holding the sack of toys that's connected to his head. In addition, the little santa blobs are again, bloated santa bodies and the extra blob hat thing on each one is his hand, emerging from his bloated meatball body.

Oh, and my first impression of the green head was that it was Oscar the Grouch, not the grouchy Grinch.

Julie said...

I saw a head-scratcher of a trapazoidal Christmas present cupcake cake gone wrong at the local Meijer today.

I circled the bakery for 10 minutes waiting for the store manager and bakery worker to get away from the case so I could snap a pic, but to no avail... They were guarding the monstrosity. Must try again this weekend.

Picture this.... It was an elongated cupcake trapazoid on its side; "wrapped" with 3 different styles of "paper"-combos of red, blue and white; with two vertical, parallel white "ribbons" so its "paper" was equally divided; plus what I assume to be a half-assed frosting "bow" in the upper left corner.

WV: zoodo..... Brown frosting makes cakes appear to have zoodo on them.

Blandwagon said...

I prefer to think of the Love Grandma line as more of an Austin Powers thing...

"Hey there sonny, they call me the Love Grandma. Wanna come over for some home cookin'?"

Yénifer said...

A SANTERPILLAR!!! This is hilarious!!

Or from another angle, it does look like a whale.

I have no idea what it's supposed to mean! Is that an island, or some kind of partially-submerged turtle? But then what is the whale-looking stuff?

These wrecks are REALLY weird...

John Seavey said...

I knew that after a hundred comments, I wasn't going to be the only person to make the "Santa/Slither" connection. I'm just now picturing Kris Kringle, saying "There's something wrong with me..."

(Word verification: Curdu. Obviously the long-lost tongue of the cheesemakers of ancient Wisconsin, no longer spoken save in half-understood fragments at the mystical ceremonies of Burnett County.

BarbJ said...

As I was lmao at the Santa Slug my 6 yr old came over to see what was so funny. He stared at the screen and then said in utter bewilderment "Mom? What IS that? Did someone make a Santa Turkey cake? Why?" Which made me almost fall off my chair I was laughing so hard!

damsel-ophelia said...

Radioactive meatballs...maybe they're just trying to bring life to "It's Christmas at Ground Zero"!

joyce said...

My husband wondered if maybe the Santas were in their sacks of toys?

Anonymous said...

I thought it was a combination turkey-santa cake ... like it could be sold Thanksgiving through Christmas. I thought "turkey" (after briefly considering football/holiday bowl games) b/c the "bump" looks like the drumstick (except there's just one:)

Michelle said...

I love the "Grinch" cake. I'm sorry, but that looks more like Oscar the Grouch with a Santa hat, and we all know that he doesn't have that kind of Christmas spirit.

My 6 year old says the Santa caterpillar cake is "Ca-razy!" Future wreckporter perhaps?

cadylee said...

Those are "Dune" Santas, for sure.

Adria said...

I'm a lurker around here but have never posted a comment. However, this one warranted a post.

What IS that thing at the very top of the "snowflower"? Upon close examination, I believe it to be holly (which of course makes TOTAL sense). But at first I thought it was a giant green bug. Ew. How...authentic.

Calantha said...

My first thought at seeing #4 was "Santa joined ZZ Top?"

I thought someone at the bakery came up with the bright idea of making a festive green alien cake. "I come in peace this holiday season, Earthlings." The Grinch? Surely you jest.

WV: enticre - These wrecks have failed to enticre me into doing business at those bakeries.

sendingtheclowns said...

GUYS!!
Don't you see what's transpired here (with the first cake, that looks more like a cookie)?
Look at the box. Its top is flopped open, reviling--I mean, revealing the cake /cookie, and the little, green, homeless, unfortunate creature, who had jumped /climbed in, looking for a warm place in which to spend a night.
Who knew that the lid would come slamming down at closing time?!
LIGHTS OUT!! Sleep well, my lovelies! The baker heads for home...
This is what was found the next morning. A scene fozen in time, a face (little and green) contorted in horror at seeing that there was no escape...
...I can't go on. *sniff*

Lizzi said...

The Santas remind me a bit of Santa in "The Nightmare Before Christmas" except that they (the cakes) are completely horrible.
Word verification: bleeplin, as in "who let the bleeplin decorator run amok?"

Anonymous said...

Is that cake for someone named "Galneilla" or what?

April said...

Whoa--Santa the Hutt! Those things scared the bejeezus outta me.

Anonymous said...

Santapillars???
I saw Mr Creosote (from Monty Python's The Meaning Of Life) dressed up in a back-to-front Santa suit.

Better get a bucket!!!

They may have skimped on the pate but they certainly didn't skimp on the frosting!!!

That snowman-flower-slug creature with a candy cane for a belt buckle missed his calling - he's even scarier-looking than all the strange creatures in one of the bad drug trip hallucination scenes from Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas.

Anonymous said...

too many posts b4 me to read them all, But Santa looks like a mermaid! (merman) see the blue water and green seaweed floating around?

Feisty Irish Wench said...

I didn't read the comments yet, but my first thought is that I see Oscar the Grouch. And upon a page search (handy dandy CTRL+F)I see that others do as well.

word verf: fulph - the noise made when one is consuming any of the above cakes...or looking at them.

Anonymous said...

After having stared at it in baffled horror for ten minutes, here's my take on the Santa cakes:

Santa's sleigh obviously crashed while he was over a major body of water. He bailed out and all seemed lost...but wait! The Elf R&D department were clever this year and came up with just the suit for emergencies like this. With one pull of the ripcord, Santa's suit inflates instantly into a rubber dinghy and he floats fearlessly upon the waves, trailing seaweed! Now all he has to do is wait for Rudolph to pick up on his GPS signal and they'll have the old boy back in no time. Yeah, the cargo of toys was sadly lost in flight, but it'll make some people stranded on deserted islands very happy this year.

Monica said...

Once again, I'm literally in tears. Santa caterpillars! Oh my God. I love it.

Dani said...

santa mermaids, perhaps?

April said...

Grinch or not--it's still horrible!

Rayezin said...

The Santa-meatball worm masterpiece is seriously reminding me of that movie The Thing. Any second that Santa head will sproud white frosting legs and crawl away.

Get me a flamethrower!

Kaylanah said...

whoa... raw meatballs in radioactive slime? Or Invader Zim?

http://art2.server06.sheezyart.com/medium/157/1571440.jpg

Either way - creepy yet hillarious!

Anonymous said...

Baker: "Mr Snowman is that a candy cane or are ya just happy to see me?"

Snowman: "C`mon, you can`t blame meeee, that cookie-cake frog/grinch/creature is practically asking for it!!!"

Susan said...

Scary. Awful. But those white blobs of extra frosting in the twin Santa caterpillars climbing on red boulders are very very appealing.

Very appealing indeed.

ern said...

I those are supposed to be mullets on the Willy Wonka santas.

sendingtheclowns said...

I am ever so weary of (okay, SO bleeding sick of) seeing "Let it snow!" on everything. Like we can STOP the snow. OR the song. (If only!) A snowflake leering at us from a branch wouldn't have been too awful had the snowflake been MUCH smaller; better yet would be to have more OF them. Without faces. Why settle for "just plain goofy," when you COULD have had "almost interesting."

Anonymous said...

You. Are. KILLING. Me. !!!!1!!1

Zombie Edward said...

OMG! Santa has morphed into a Tremor!
(You know, the eighties movie with Kevin Bacon?)

Ann said...

I don't know...maybe it's just my weird taste, but I think the snowman slug flower is kind of cute.

laura said...

It doesn't look so much like a Grinch as it does a baby seal body with Santa's head attached. I can't figure out which I find more disturbing.

Kris said...

My vote's for a Santa bride!
The big tuff of white is the veil. And the bottom with the little red bobble is the train of the dress.
And the second with the two smaller ones is two santas getting married. So they support homosexuality and political correctness in one shot!

And I loved the belt buckle comment. ;) It reminded me of potter puppet pals...

plumtreeblossom said...

The "Love Grandma" command made me laugh so hard that my cat abandoned my lap!

Margo S. said...

My first thought on the top pic was that it's a (somewhat anthropomorphized) disemboweled green cat. Clearly I have issues, too.

Wrecktastic, all.

Vellum said...

...I have stared at and returned to the velvety Santa blobs several times in the last few days. I can not find any conceivable reason for why they look the way they do. My brain says that maybe, just perhaps, if the Santa heads were flipped around, the long white stuff could be his beard. Or his trim. But now he's just got tons of hair down his back. Or his coat is on backwards.

~* N *~ said...

Those santa slugs are the oddest looking cakes I've ever seen.

But why would anyone ice the plastic tray??

..::Angel::.. said...

It's a caterpillar of a Santa, making his way up Ayers Rock.

AmyDahart said...

I'm thinking Santa the Hut.....and all he wants for Christmas is a Princess Leia cake (wreck).

Mel Celestial said...

Hee hee... the dissected frog reminded me of this person's post on Deviantart. As for those wriggly and fat Santas... they should help me to stay away from pastries for this whole season, I'm sure.

aceiatx said...

I think the red blobs are Santa's body, the tail looking blobs are supposed to be his arm/hand and he is holding a white sack slung over his shoulder.

I note that this is so confusing the decorator actually had to write 'Santa' on the big one.

Little Miss Cupcake said...

OMG, I am laughing so hard I am practically peeing my pants. You commentary as usual is spot-on and hilarious! Thanks for making my Xmas more merry!

Arjun and Indira said...

OMG those last few santa ones made me laugh so hard, I am still laughing. In the spirit of living in Florida, it reminded me of a manatee...hmmm manatee santa...now there is something you don't see everyday!

Thanks for this blog, when I am down I come here for a few good laughs and it does the trick EVERY time!
Damiane'

Anonymous said...

oh, i've been going through your blog with my husband & roommate- we've laughed ourselves silly over many of these wrecks but the "santa caterpillar" nearly made me wet my pants. nothing like a good cake wreck to brighten your day!

Oliphaunt said...

It's obviously a Santa "Metamorphosis" from Kafka, people! This guy wakes up one morning, and he's a giant sluggy bug of some kind, just like poor Santa here. I was traumatized for days when I read that story as a kid; betcha the decorator read it shortly before doing these cakes.

Jen said...

Okay, so a friend directed me here, and it's been funny so far going backwards, but this one just made me LAUGH!! :-D Santa Slug!

Sand Mama said...

OMG! I just found this post. Its pre- gastric bypass santa? maybe??
I'm actually laughing so hard I have tea coming out of my nose!!!
Fantastic blog!

Kimmygintx said...

LOL It looks like Santa had, eh, a little too much turkey I suppose?

Anonymous said...

Late post is late, but as far as I can tell, that last bunch of cakes is Shapeshifting Santa in Seal form.
Why? God knows. o__O; Yes, when I hear "Santa" all I can think of is the cuddily marine mammal the Seal.
whut.

Anonymous said...

I though tht ecaption 'I'm told this is a grinch cake' pertained to the meatball santas. I mean, it made sense in a Nightmare-Before-Christmas kind of way, I mean, didn't they tie up Santa in that movie?

tabasco58 said...

Geeeeeez..........was laughin so hard......couldn't stop......and scared the heck out of my cats...........whoahahahhahhahaaaaa..
.........pleeeez......stop it!!!!!...
pain in my belly......

Liza said...

I laughed till i cried... I love your wacky commentary to the pictures.

OMG, my belly hurts

clairebear said...

The Santa cakes made me laugh so hard my jaw hurts and tears are in my eyes. And it doesn't help that you're a hilarious writer! I laugh my butt off, then read the next sentence and laugh my head off! Quit it!

(just kidding. go ahead and continue.)

EEM said...

The grinch cake looks like oscar the grouch with a really bad hairpiece! and why do ppl insist on doing cupcake cakes? They just look so bad no matter what you're doing!

isabellerogers said...

Must...Love...Grandma...
Okay, everyone, who wants SANTA BLOBS?
ME!

WV: dencin. Sounds like diaper cream.

Fanny said...

My sister and I think it’s a worm!?! Maybe....Maybe just a little?...


HAHAHAHA
Sarah

RedHandedMabel said...

Actually, that HAS to be an Oscar the Grouch cake. What else could it be? And though, yes, still disturbing, that thought makes it.. Well, understandable.. Okay okay, look, just let me think it's Oscar, okay?!?!? Geeze! *Puff..*

Anonymous said...

OH dear goodness. The santa caterpillars are had me loling. I looked at a lot of cakes on this site and that one kills me the most. I also want to know "what does it mean?!"

Tom said...

Oh the Santa creatures are a riot! Scary-funny! Or funny-scary! I almost DON'T want to know what the baker was going for on those! Yikes!

Maybe they're SUPPOSED to be Santa Slugs...that might explain how he's able to get up & down chimneys, although it'd take him years...DECADES...just to make it around the world at that speed! Not to mention how he'd have no way to carry his sack of toys!

Uh-oh, now I want a Santa-slug cake! :-) "Merry, um, something-or-other!"

Anonymous said...

I can't stop laughing. Betsy

Anonymous said...

I'm guessing that Gabriella is a biology major, and her grandma just wanted to acknowledge that. The "grinch" cake sure looks like a bad imitation of Oscar he grouch. And the "Santa in the elephant poop" was the tragic result of good old Saint Nick deciding to add Dumbo(who is now an adult flying elephant) to his reindeer line up for added power. :P

Anonymous said...

I think the Santa with the Blue around it was originally an island.

pinkandfabulous said...

It's the Santa Slug! Mutated after he survived the big cherry bomb in the sky.
Oh and those are not meatballs those are giant boobs! They bounced off and went rolling through the grass like bowling balls taking out a couple of Santa impersonators as they went.

Anonymous said...

holy cow, that second cake looks like a head specimen in a glass case, something out of a sci-fi or horror film!

Kelsey said...

Don't you people know anything?! The second one is definitely Oscar the Grouch holiday style.

Aliceone said...

I am eternally grateful for your site. I stop by often to catch up. The stories and photos ruin me, reduce me to gales of laughter, complete with tears. I laugh so hard I can't talk and my partner is drawn over to see what is causing all of this mayhem. The caaakes...

Anonymous said...

I laughed so hard....what in the world??

katydid25 said...

I'm really not understanding WHAT the heck those mermaid santa's are. Its so confusing! Im thinking its supposed to be mermaid santa who has surfaced to sunbathe on a boulder in the sea (kinda little mermaid-esque) Notice the blue "water" and green "sea-weed/algae" thrown on there... ? just a guess. I really have no idea. I love the "love grandma" command. That made me laugh hysterically outloud at work... at my desk.. then everyone was all like "whats so funny..." .. nothing. nothing at all people. get back to work.

Anonymous said...

Oh my god!! And I'm sitting at my desk at work, too. I laughed so hard -- soundlessly -- that I got nauseated. GREAT STUFF!!

Anonymous said...

It's Santa The Hutt.

RundesNettes said...

That's not a frog, that's the mistletoad!

Bel

Mel said...

I realize this is way after you posted... but I think the last one might be a Santa head on top of a Santa hat. The decorator didn't have a way of differentiating the hat from the fold, so the mermaid-blobs are the fold of the hat (which would normally be red). Then the red meatballs are what would normally be the white puffs. Why the Santa head is on top, I don't know.

Anyways, that's my theory and I'm sticking with it.

Anonymous said...

I was laughing so hard about the Santa cake, I actually started to drool...

Anonymous said...

Lord have mercy!

It looks like Santa wandered down the wrong chimney and got his head stuck on a pike as a warning to others.

ChezJulie said...

Laughing so hard at frilly white Santa caterpillar that I'm crying.

Briessa said...

I thought those bottom cakes might be sort of a "Santa in an Iron Lung" theme...except the iron lung is, yknow, seasonally decorated.

Anonymous said...

Come on... Clearly the wonka santas are santa hats with the plastic santa on top. Why on earth you would stick santa's head on top of it I can't answer. Maybe the hat alone didn't relay the christmas cheer, but if you add a disembodied head on top...that says "Happy Holidays"!!

Summerset said...

I laughed so hard at the commentary for the caterpillar Santas that my eyes were watering and my stomach hurt! Thanks for the great laugh!

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