Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Santa Gets the Shaft

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

We've already seen some flagrant Santa-abuse this year, but here's a Christmas count-down of some more ways the big guy gets no respect.

We start off with your no-frills decapitation (under dome), courtesy of Giovanna B.:

This isn't horrendously wrecky, but it looks exactly like the bleach-bottle Santa crafts my grandmother used to make, so I had to post it. Here, I found a picture of one over on Thrifty Fun for reference:


Next there's the beret-wearing, chin-melting, something-seriously-wrong-with-the-whiskers incarnation:

Huh - I've never seen a handlebar mustache grow all the way around the nose like that, Shelby B. You think it's a French thing?

And speaking of disturbing facial hair, it looks like Mrs. Claus needs to get her hormones checked:
Maybe she's born with it, Darla D. (Maybe it's Maybelline.)

Apparently Deon M.'s local decorator didn't get that new CCC Puzzle pan from Santa this year, and decided to lash out the only way s/he knew how:

Poor Santa. You'll thank him later, dear wreckerator; he's only saving you from yourself in the long run.

Suzanne G., this next little holiday vignette makes me feel a song coming on:

Here goes - y'all feel free to join in, now:

"Santa got run over by a snow plow,
Walking home from our house Christmas Eve,

You may say there's no such thing as Santa,

But once you see this stain you may believe."




"No respect! I get no respect around here! That's a lump of coal for you, Jen! And why the *%&! do I never get a proper nose, anyway? Is it so hard to give me a frickin' little nose?!? Huh? I just - I'm so - I can't even talk to you anymore! Geez. Somebody get me a hot cocoa."

I'd fetch that right away, Alden M.
Karen Kaye said...

Is it my imagination or does that first wreck have "monster cake" on the tag? Very telling...

mooP said...

And it looks like that second cake is a cupcake cake too! Oh the horror!

Angel said...

Hilarious! Thanks for a great big chuckle to start Christmas Eve.

Just missing the tire tracks...

Becky B said...

I had gotten away from that song this whole season. Never entered my head. Thanks, Jen! LOL. HAve a Merry Christmas!

MissMary said...

I thought the first one was a character from Futurama.

W.V. -

presogl: When a peeping tom presses his face against the window.

JAMIE'S CREW said...

That last one - looks like a angry Santa. Frightening!

Etiquette Bitch said...

i think in CW5, santa is supposed to be making snow angels. i think it's kinda cute...

Kat said...

the CCC Santa isn't soooo bad, at least he got a nose?!?

lol, these are great great great as always! Love it!

Zitny Clan said...

Merry Christmas Jen! Thanks for always starting my day off with a laugh! :)

The Courteous Chihuahua said...

Jen,

No Christmas gifts will be opened at my house until I've had my morning laugh, so I hope you plan on posting early tomorrow. My family thanks you!

Chris said...

Oh my - that first Santa's been hittin' the 'nog hard and heavy for YEARS...

Ross said...

The third one from the bottom needs tire tracks going over it to complete the road kill santa effect.

Anonymous said...

The first one looks like the head in a jar from the movie Silence of the Lambs! Love this site - always makes me laugh in the am!! Thanks!

Mia said...

is it bad that i actually kind of LIKE the last one? i would totally buy that. angry!santa rocks.

Suzanne Dargie said...

These are SO funny! The "Santa got run over by a Snowplow" one made me laugh out loud, as well as the "Angry Santa" cookie telling you you're going to get a lump of coal!
(I'm gonna get in trouble laughing at these so much at work.)

Jolene said...

I like how the tree is growing straight out to the side on the Santa got run over wreck... the plow wasn't happy with just taking Santa down, had to get that tree too!!

D.T. Kelly said...

I swear, that one looks like Santa is on a luge.

Flartus said...

Oh, this is very merry! But it makes me wonder about the potential trauma of bringing in these treats for young children. "OK, who wants a piece of Santa?"

Sounds like another one of those wrecktacular holiday movies that shouldn't be made.

Merry Wreckmas, Jen!

Scritzy said...

The Santa in the snow obviously fell off that Norelco electric razor he's been riding for 110 years.

Merry Christmas to all and to these cakes ... GOOD NIGHT!

Word verifcation: eentrevm. Um, yeah.

Laura said...

Jen, I'm still waiting to hear your comments about why the majority of the Santas have major sunburn. Do you think it's a thinly veiled public message on the perils of skin cancer? Inquiring minds want to know...

Gayle C said...

"So, Clarice, what did you find in the storage shed? SANTA's head in a jar!? Hmmm, that can't be right..."

eilbeback said...

This is the best blog EVER! I love checking in daily just to see what you have to say. WV= realpho (as opposed to fakepho)

The Hrudowsky Family said...

The last one is VERY scary!

Jenni said...

Okay, I'm surprised no one else said it, that second one looks like a santa pig! Seriously looks like a pig with a santa hat, mustache and a white sluffly dress. That doesn't even look like a beard!

O.K. said...

the second one looks like those pig people things from dr who...........

El Comodoro said...

I'm still calculating how many metric tons of icing were used on the snowplow crimescene.
Mmmmm....is for murder!

The Lewis Family said...

Ha, those are awesome. Love your site!
~C

Lynda said...

"Maybe she's born with it - maybe it's maybelline!"
I spit my coffee out on that one!!! LMAO!!!

Dave D-O-Double-G said...

I believe Santa is being mugged in #5. "Stick-em up Fat Man."

Kyle said...

I am guilty of selling a lot of those Roshco CCC molds to young mothers and also grandmothers. I am so ashamed.

HorribleLicensePlates said...

Haha Santa still looks a little contagious today. Hilarious.

cheepette8 said...

I just showed my 5 year old daughter the last cake and she said "why's he so mad" and then she said "I think he looks like the Grinch".

Mari said...

Oh my, that one santa is the color of pepto bismol. Looks like he has high blood pressure!

Mary B said...

Bring me the head of Santa on a plate...

Anonymous said...

Haha, great cakes. The 3rd one is the most disturbing, it looks like Michael Jackson in a Santa suit.

megryphon said...

I think that "Dead Santa in the Middle of the Road" is really doing a body surf down the icing hill.

o<\\\\\\\\];^) Jan the Gryphon
http:/gryph-wotd.blogspot.com/

wv: humiats - feeling another song coming on

April said...

My favorite part of the snow-plowed Santa scene? The tree sticking straight out the side of the icing hill. What was the decorator thinking (smoking) when he/she did that?

Lisa said...

Thank you so much Jen for your blog! I never laugh so much as I do when I'm reading your comments on all these cake wrecks. Thank for making our Christmas a LOL one :)

j said...

Is Santa really a pig?

Reese said...

When my three year old daughter saw that last santa wreck her response was "Oh my!". Santa sure is angry there isn't he?

Calantha said...

#3 reminded me of that B.C. comic trip where the blonde lady says, "I did wax my eyelashes a tad heavy."

Never mind the melting chin, that one looked like ALL the icing was about to start drip-dripping off!

Cassykins said...

The second one looks like Kirby standing on top of a cloud while wearing a Santa hat. I still can't explain the mustache, though

delaney55 said...

Those are so bad but I hope they are all from supermarket bakeries and not a professional bakery. What do we expect for cheapo, grab the grocery clerk and make them a decorator, cakes?

FreedomFirst said...

ROFLMAO!

vixen said...

OH MY FREAKING GOD! That first cake is identical to one I saw today at a local grocery store's bakery dept. Even down to the squashed hat in the plastic dome.

I kinda thot of it as Santa's Disembodied Head. LOL

I so wanted to take a pic of it but there were a ton of people around and I didnt want strange looks..LOL

There was a pretty scary looking black/dark green christmas tree one with purple and dark blue ornament dots. Darn I knew I should broke out the camera. LOL

Eric said...

The last Santa reminds me of the robot Santa Claus on Futurama who thinks everyone is bad and goes around killing people on Christmas.

I prefer my Santa's on the jolly side, thank you very much!


www.goinggreenaccidently.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

That last Santa looks like he's got some Jiffy Pop stuffed inside his hat. Ouch. No wonder he's angry.

joyce said...

Thank you for the smiles, gasps and giggles. I am up at 3am trying to thaw the frozen turkey. Ha. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year of Cake Wrecks!!! Wreck on!

Sport's Mom said...

Scary. Just plain scary.

Amy said...

Perhaps the decorators had a little too much Captain in their Eggnog? Yikes.
And the Crime Scene Santas? Where's the chalk lines?
~Amy B

Calico said...

LMAO!!! *Tears* @ Mrs Claus and Maybelline! Love it!
"Thank"-you for ALL the Laffs!"

Kilsph - what I wont name my first-born.

Jodi said...

OMG those are so funny! I was actually LOL. Thanks for your blog - it is a great read!

craftywitch said...

regarding the overly blushy santa (maybe she's born with it), my 4 year old and I are sitting here when she says "Hey, it's a Mrs. Claus cake!" ... I guess that only emphasizes what you were saying huh? :)

Krys said...

FYI, I think that the very last Santa might actually be Schmutzli, who is Santa's companion in Switzerland. Schmutzli follows Santa around, and for all the bad kids, Schmutzli will fill their stocking with coal. I am a US citizen currently living in Switzerland, so I caught a picture of Schmutzli (with his donkey - no clue why there is a donkey) at our local Christmas Market here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/kwestfield/3125532511/in/set-72157611423438227/

bliz said...

It looks like Michael Jackson posing as Santa Claus... and maybe annoyed that the parents have discovered his new master plan to lure kids onto his lap now that they closed up Neverland Ranch...

racheld said...

I do believe the bleach bottle Santa IS the BBS---the two pics are exactly the same, right down to the arrangement of the strands of yarn.

Amanda said...

Holy COW that last one looks frightening. It's as though Santa was possessed, with those narrowed eyes and evil, smug smirk. -flees-

kait+nate said...

From my boyfriend:

"It's Bonsai Santa!"

XDD

(ref: http://www.ding.net/bonsaikitten/) Ps. dont go all peta on us, Bonsai kitten was a hoax D:

Stoich91 said...

Laughing so hard I almost cried...but don't worry, Santa - it's not you. It's the simple problem that bakers clearly have a hard time decorating cakes to look like cartoons, human beings, pop culuture figures, anything that looks edible, in general, etc. :)

Craig said...

#2 isn't Santa, it's Porky Pig taking a bubble bath.

#3 Maybe Santa just wanted to, you know, "try something a little different"...

#5 is a wreckdition of the animated holiday classic, 'True Confections: Frosting the Snowman Admits Putting Santa on Ice'. Please tell me there is cake under there. Surely that isn't solid frosting...

Anonymous said...

all that 5th cake needs (the one with the flattened santa)is some reindeer prints

wv: inglum...i'm inglum over the errors on some of these cakes.