Friday, October 24, 2008

Wrecktastic Pumpkin Parade

Friday, October 24, 2008

With Halloween fast approaching, bakeries are churning out the ghoulish designs faster than you can say "baffling unibrow":

Is this a pumpkin, Jacob L., or breakfast? I'm seeing scrambled eggs and a spotty banana here. And a rat with wings. But let's just ignore him and hope he goes away.



This looks like it was made from upholstery foam and melting plastic, although Lauren D. assures me it was tasty upholstery foam and plastic. So, you know, it's got that going for it.


Shannon B. found this one. Not only is it a seriously wonky pumpkin with drippy mold issues, it's also being served on a platter of earthworms. Eeewwww. (Also, what is that thing behind it? A giant yo-yo?)

Then there's the half-pumpkin-wheel with telephone-cord-tailed mice:

Very, er, curly, Melody P. Yeah, that's it: curly.


And lastly, Leilani
S. shows us how Krispy Kreme is getting into the spirit of things:

Wow, those pumpkin donuts almost look too good to be true, don't they?

Ah, right: that must be because they are:

Anonymous said...

Aww I thought the Krispy Kreme pumpkins were quite cute and was all set to tell the boss I'm running to get us some donuts then you ruined my happy ending with that last pic.

Phooey.

Not your fault I know but I'm totally passively-aggressively taking it out on you that I have a donut craving now. :P

The Courteous Chihuahua said...

So funny!!!

Picture #4....looks like those mice got the poo scared out when that giant pumpkin landed on them.

horriblelicenseplates said...

Is that second cake a twinkie cake? That sounds good right about now.

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

Why does NOTHING look as good in person as it appears to in an advertisement?

Hallie :)
http://wonderfulworldofweiners.blogspot.com/

spartangogreengal said...

wow- nothing like some false advertising. And haven't any of those wreck creators ever SEEN an actual pumpkin in their lives before?? I mean COME ON!! Just COME ON!!(a la "jimmy" from south park)

Shadow Shaivya said...

The last cake isn't true.

I refuse to believe it.

I absolutely refuse to believe it.

You just put it there to make me squeal, it's just photoshopped, not real.

I know I'm right.

Anonymous said...

I got the Krispy Kreme pumpkin donut at my local store and it was exactly the same as in the picture - and delicious of course - so it must have been bring-a-3-year-old-to-work-day at the store that made this one

Kitty said...

Those doughnuts are never worth it anyway!! Is that second cake made completely out of lady finger cookies sprayed orange? That's what it looks like to me!

Alix said...

My favorite has to be the truncated half log pumpkin cake with overcooked green vermicelli icing. It doesn't get more appetizing (or authentic!) than that.

Lose That Girl said...

I think cake makers feel they get a free pass to make the most horrendous creations just because it's Hallowe'en. The cakes are supposed to be scary and gross - but I think they take that brief a little *too* literally!

That pumpkin cake that looks of foam cushioning looks like it's about to collapse from all the mucky green goo on top. Icing never looked so vomit-inducing.

Slave Driver said...

Fabulous! That's all I have to say.

Tisha_ said...

That Krispy Kreme "pumpkin" made me laugh out loud. LOL!!! That's hysterical.

Marianne!! said...

I have to go to KK to get one of those doughnuts now. Hopefully it won't look like that.

Amanda said...

Are those twinkies on the second cake!? Spray painted orange?!

And why on earth are mice on the oddly shaped half pumpkin wheel??

And...the doughnut...is sad.

Mandy said...

I don't think the first one is bad.

Katy said...

I'm confused...
why does the mouth/banana in the first photo have eyes?!

mooP said...

On the third photo, the strange cake in the background, my first thought when I saw it was that it was a giant clam! A giant yellow clam! :)

Shannon said...

Man I saw the Krispy Kreme ads for the pumpkin doughnuts and i seriously wanted one. Not anymore. Thanks for saving me from that disaster.

Kiera said...

Hey! Why can't I see the pictures?? I haven't been able to for three whole days!

[Storms off and rolls around on the floor throwing a tantrum.]

donkeyinawhitecoat said...

But seriously. What is that second one made out of? ladyfingers dipped in cheeto dust? Spray insulation?

Also the "avantgarde" bakery punkin with mold issues has also apparently been "pooped on" in place of a stem.

Anonymous said...

I'm going to give a pass to the donut because if Krispy Kreme is anything like Tim Hortons, their bakers are not trained in decorating or hired because of artistic skills.

I used to bake at a Tim Hortons, and I was a good baker, but when it came to donuts and cakes and cookies that had to be decorated with faces or something fancy (which happened very rarely, maybe twice a year), I was hopeless. I tried my darndest, but often it's next to impossible to make something look as good as it does in advertisements.

Kat said...

Every pumpkin does indeed have a face of it's own :) Amazing.

Actually, it almost inspires me to decorate a pumpkin cake for my family!

Courtney said...

I am at the beginning stages of starting my own cake business and this is great. I love this sight as a how to guide for me not to mess up and end up on here but i reassure you i will send you all my messups lol. You had me laughing for hours while my husband looked at me shaking his head!

Sari said...

At first glance, that 4th pumpkin looks like it has actually landed on the mice like the house in Wizard of Oz. The little mice look trapped under the curliest pumpkin that ever grew.

Deborah Godin said...

It may be a while before I can eat slivered almonds again.

Kameron said...

So funny! Why do so many of them look MOLDY???

C. Beth said...

I need to go buy one of those Krispy Kremes and eat it just to put it out of its misery.

Emily said...

I refuse to believe that the cakes in the third picture are actually for sale. You can't just throw icing on some cake, call it decorating, and expect people to buy it. It's called a spatula- for the love of Mike, please use it to smooth the icing out!

Melinda said...

That first one looks a little like Jack-O went Geek Squad or something!

Angela said...

Why are there eyes inside the mouth on that top one? Did it eat a better looking pumpkin cake?

Clair said...

It looks like a dog has expressed his dislike of the third one by leaving a little present behind. euwww
Clair

Sarah Rosales said...

I love the pumpkin donuts. Very sad interpretation of what it is supposed to look like. But, I am pretty sure that's what you are going to get when you go to the store. They wont look anything like the advertisement!

Kansas girl said...

'k, I just have 2 things to say.
The first pumpkin, that thing at the top looks sort of like a silhouetted hamster in a pile of greens. Which would actually be cuter than the cake is otherwise. (Come on, work with me... ears at the top right, paws up to the left...)

Second pumpkin: Maybe black airbrush on something that's supposed to be a vegetable is not the best plan. That stuff totally looks like mold.

P.S. I am totally loving my CAPTCHA this morning. "morkpron." Morkpron! Morkpron! I don't know what it means but it sounds funny. (And the first garment I ever bought myself was a T-shirt with a picture of Mork on it... Mork pron? Er, no.)

Leys said...

On Pumpkin Wreck #2 my 6 year old son said, "Yuck, I wouldn't like a cake that had FISH STICKS in it".

Lala27 said...

Is cake #2 made with orange spray painted twinkies?

Calantha said...

Cake #1 is awful. It looks like a cackling escapee from the mental ward.

It took me a moment to realize that the foam cake did NOT have mold growing on the side, and #3 just looks weird.

Alicia said...

That second one looks like it's made from Twinkies... which is pretty much the same thing as upholstery foam. Gross.

Melanie Beasley said...

Ha ha! The actual pumpkin Krispy Kreme looks embarrassed to be so far from the advertisement. Love the phone-cord mice, if they were real animals they would probably be popular pets.

Edith said...

Thanks for the first loud laugh of the day. This was a hilariously written post.

Balgram said...

Ugh. It's like all the cake decorators are trying to terry you this year. I want one of those cakes for my Halloween party:
"I dare you to eat the earthworms."
"Ewww! Only if you eat this mouse---curly tail and all!"
"Blegh. Dare's off."
-Balgram

Hi Kooky said...

I'm baffled by the decorators who think that "mold-on-a-pumpkin" is a good look. Cake #2 (although it possesses a pleasant, scalloped shape) looks as though it's LEAKING fuzzy mold.

The doughnut makes me laugh. Somebody's grumpy!

Bakermum said...

Ah Wrecktastic Halloween!! I can't wait to see some more! I was in an Ontario Wal-Mart the other day and was SO upset I didn't have my camerea. Not only was it Frankenstein but it was a CCC!!!!

Keep up the great reporting!!


Kara aka Bakermum

mike. said...

#1 What's with the eyes...in his mouth??

#2 A moldy Twinkie cake stuffed with seafood salad(?). And don't even ask me what's going on up top.

#3 While you're looking at the earthworms and the giant lemon yo-yo thing in back (which looks tasty, actually), I'm fixating on that enormous coiled turd sitting on top.

#4 Again with the coils. Either those mice have been stepped on, or their suffering some major intestinal issues.

Probably from eating that cake.

Funnelcloud Rachel said...

Pumpkin #3 - Er, it looks like someone dropped trou on the top of the cake. What the...?

kristy said...

thought you might like...
http://www.flickr.com/photos/rabi/1807263878/in/photostream/
Kristy

The Crossing said...

first!

kristy said...

You probably already know of...
http://cupcakestakethecake.blogspot.com/

Kristy

amyd said...

Why does the sticker on the lid of the first pumpkin cake say "Variety Pack"? Isn't it only one cake?

Cortney said...

None of those looked even semi edible! And who wants to have worms and mice next to their cake???

Anonymous said...

The Krispy Kreme in our area closed.

Now I know why.

Anonymous said...

KRISPY KREMES ROCK!

I think I may get a dozen of these for my son's party next Friday. He goes to a Christian school so it's called a Hallelujah Fest. No ghostly celebrations in the presence of God!

Sherice

Leslie said...

Every day, thousands of mice are involved in easily preventable curling iron accidents. Please, won't you give generously to the telephone-cord tailed mouse fund?
Honestly my first thought was "Oh those poor mice...did they eat too many greens or are those meant to be tails?" Probably just the rodent lover in me overreacting.
All the cakes are remarkably wrecktastic. My favorite though is the Krispy Kreme donut because my daughters and I just had a lengthy discussion about how things never look as good as they do on the packaging - as evidenced by last night's abysmal tv dinners.

Tabitha (From Single to Married) said...

so funny! Just found your site and I'm loving it! Those pumpkin "cakes" (using the term loosly here) are hideous! I hope they tasted better than they looked - if someone was brave enought eat them. :)

Melly said...

That is about the most frightening doughnut I've ever seen.

I'd still eat it, though. Like it was my last meal on earth. LOL

Jim and Garret said...

The Krispy Kreme was the best one, especially knowing what it was supposed to look like. How sad.

Berit said...

hahaha I'll go for the curly pumpkin to match my hair ;-) Btw just in case you were wondering where all those doggy creations came from:
http://www.amazon.com/Hello-Cupcake-Irresistibly-Playful-Creations/dp/0618829253/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1224860776&sr=8-1

Cupcakes in dog shape, can it get any better? :-D

Anonymous said...

All I could think of when I saw the first pumpkin, was the nerdy kid with oversize plastic glasses and braces on his teeth. You know the kid..he's now a multi-millionaire and you wish you'd have been nicer to him.:o)
`Amy B.

Rachel said...

My favorite part is the neat pile of dog poo on top of the wonky drippy moldy pumpkin. Yum!

Kari said...

Those pumpkin donuts look so cute in the ad, but the real ones...ew. It's really sad, especially because it's frowning.

RecoveringActor said...

Um... what did that first pumpkin wreck eat... and why is it starting at me through the mouth!??

Miss Heather said...

OH YAY! I'm the FIRST COMMENT!! :) I read this blog every day but I never comment because there are SO MANY comments on each post. I decorate cakes and I think your site is just fantastic. It's the funniest thing ever and it makes my day each time I read it. Thanks for providing humor in something people take so seriously. :) YOU ROCK!

Havocec said...

ugh..the thing with the worms..and then the thing with the mice..worst disappointment would be the doughnuts..can you sue for false advertising.

first! I think:)

Erin Bradley said...

Awww. I would totally eat that little pumpkin donut. He's cute!

Anonymous said...

oh my gosh. that krispy kreme is beyond sad.

Anonymous said...

What's with the "Variety Pack" sticker on the 1st cake? A variety of what? Poor decorating techniques? Is it a cupcake cake with a myriad of mystery flavors?

Anonymous said...

1st cake: Petey the Pervert Pumpkin daring kids to eat him.

Amy W. said...

Wow. Not only is the first one ugly, the decorator can't count. One of anything is not a variety pack. :P

Traci! said...

I love that we're ignoring the rat with wings in hopes he goes away. Bless his heart!

Kelly said...

Even the doughnut-pumpkin seems displeased with itself. Aww.

John (the hubby of Jen) said...

Hey all,

Sorry about the delay in moderating comments. We're out of town and someone who is supposed to be doing it for us (I am not naming names) is dropping the proverbial ball. So, ahhh, whoops.

I'll make sure it's better tomorrow.

John

Judy said...

So did anyone else notice the little "bird droppings" on the front of the face of the twinkie pumpkin???

*~*Cece*~* said...

Good thing I dont' like donughts or that might've turned me off them forever.

our3qtgirlz said...

To Kiera--
I had the same issue 3 days ago. But if I click on the title of that days blog (i.e. 'wrecktastic pumpkin parade) on double click where the photo was supposed to be, they suddenly appeared. I haven't had a problem since. I thought I'd pass that on because it's just not the same without the photos. Hope it helps!

Mark and Paula Alford said...

Well, maybe the decorator of the first cake knew that a unibrow is one of the sure signs of a werewolf. I'm guessing that was just a super smart cake decorator getting the most Halloween bang for your buck.

Bob said...

Obviously that Krispy Kreme was not from a "participating store". :-)

libushe said...

Hi, I thought you might like these ones (some look like Photoshop, but I don't think I've seen most of them in yout blog)
http://koukou.livejournal.com/840615.html

Crochet by Momma J said...

Are those dead mice under the wagon wheel!

Marianne
www.crochetbymommaj.etsy.com
http://crochetbymommaj.blogspot.com/

Misty said...

i must tell you this comment has nothing to do with this entry. i wanted to comment on the fact that your blog won the award for funniest! because it definitly is! i checked out those other two...not so funny to me! the first time i read your blog--about a month ago?--i was crying from laughing so much. i literally sat there and read every entry all the way back to the beginning! just wanted to share with you what i learned by looking at the other 2 "winners"! i love cakes (eating them). and icing. i like when the icing is so sweet your cheeks tighen up and kinda hurt just a little? mmm-mmmmmm!

Dea said...

Bwaha! Those are some seriously bizarre pumpkins!

lrmaggie said...

My friend got the pumpkin Krispi Kreme the other day, it looked just like the pic, but it was empty inside! LAME! Everybody knows if you have a solid (sans hole) donut, it must be filled with yummy goodness.

hollyml said...

Oooh, I bet I know why it's a "variety pack"! It's a CCC! That would explain why it is NOT ROUND! ('Cause, you know, I very much doubt that the supermarket baker trimmed a round cake into that less-regular shape for artistic effect.) And you see, there are a variety of different flavors of cupcake under there.

It does not explain the eyes in its mouth though. For that, there is no explanation.

Elizabeth said...

When I got the grocery circulars this week, I squealed with delight... There are so many potential wrecks advertised there. I can't wait to get there and take some covert pics. I love "Halloween"!

Angie said...

That Krispy Kreme pumpkin looks a little to scary to eat.

Anonymous said...

Is the pumpkin with the mice supposed to be for a Cinderella themed party? Some little girl might like that sort of thing.

Homer.Want.Donut.Now.

Tracy said...

I recently found your site and I absolutely love it! I laugh out loud when I see some of your postings. Your captions make them even funnier!

Cris Cohen said...

They each look like some sort of decorated fungus.

Katie said...

What about the nice turd mound atop the pumpkin on the bed of earthworms?!?!?!?!

Morgi said...

I shouldn't read this at work, it always makes me laugh until I cry.

Every time you say "So, you know, it's got that going for it." I laugh a little harder.

Man, just when I thought Krispy Kreme donuts couldn't get any grosser you bring us this. I'm so glad Dunkin' Donuts is finally back in Indianapolis!

Lucy

Michele said...

ROFL!!! That donut is cracking me up! Too funny! Thanks for the laugh!

Kathie said...

The pumpkin sitting in earthworms is scarey. By the way, I love your blog. It is always good for a bit of cheering up, especial if one of my cakes doesn't turn out quite like I had hoped.
Blessings from Costa Rica

Aaron James Patterson said...

You forgot about the pile of dog poo on top of the third example. That's a pretty unappetizing "pumpkin stem."

msyendor said...

Aww. Poor little pumpkin donut. I'll be happy to help put it out of it's misery. (setting up another caffeine-IV drip)

Karen Sugarpants said...

That first one looks like McLovin/Fogel from Superbad...ha ha! Great blog!

Anonymous said...

That second cake looks like it's hollow and full of cream. Ew. D:

More importantly, though, it looks like it's been dribbled with mid-90s Nickelodeon slime.

Marlee said...

I think you should send the Krispy Kreme pictures to these folks: http://thewvsr.com/adsvsreality.htm

Anonymous said...

okay, people!!

not twinkies!!

orange ladyfingers. tho, where you get orange ladyfingers is waaaay beyond me!

Kiera said...

Thank you our3qtgirlz!!

Anonymous said...

i'd still eat that krispy kreme and probably lick my fingers afterwards.

KPP said...

So...the unibrow cake has eaten another cake, right? That's why it has eyeballs in its mouth?

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry but the drippy mold one....that doesn't look like a stem on top...stare at it for a minute, do you see what I see?? I feel like I need to go grab a pooper-scooper..

ksaldria said...

That pumpkin doughnut looks so sad! :(

Anonymous said...

Is that a giant T*** on top of #3? bleh

FreedomFirst said...

Wow, I actually think #3 is a totally appropriate Halloween cake. It's just gross enough without being a complete failure.

I wanted to take a photo of a pumpkin cupcake wreck at the grocery store yesterday, but I didn't have my camera, and it seemed a bit too cliche. You know, the kind of thing that is too common to be "wrecktastic", no matter how "wrecked" it is. But still, it was really sloppy. Cupcakes peeking out all around, some only half frosted.... Sheesh.

asillylittlegirl said...

Hey, this is Cake Wrecks! Not Donut Wrecks. Don't ruin it for me...my favorite thing in the whole wide world that I would cheat on my diet is a BOX full of good donuts. Not the stale grocery store kind, but the awesome real bakery kind. And next to those comes the Krispy Kremes. I'm gonna go get one of those pumpkin donuts.

Kara said...

Re: Upholstery foam cake
Did someone just draw the face on with a Sharpie?

Re: Earthworm cake
What is that poo-looking stuff coming out the top?!

mary said...

It's more than a little alarming that several of the pumpkin tops look like perfectly swirled poops.

Come to think of it, when is brown icing ever a good idea? I have to think most cakes with brown coloring don't look very appetizing.

It seems that some hues just aren't cut out for cake decorating...

Julie said...

This is by far the funniest blog I've read and I read some funny ones! But yours made me laugh until I cried and it was painful to try to do it quietly as not to wake my triplets!
So glad I found you today - THANKS!
Julie

Kirsten said...

LOL!
I love the krispy kremes the best!!

Christy said...

What a disgruntled Krispy Kreme employee!

Angie said...

LOL!! That first one is like a dork pumpkin..Or a teenage pumpkin in the awkward stage with the big glasses and braces and the unibrow ;-) I LOVE your blog!

Anonymous said...

brown, as in chocolate, mocha, etc. would be fine.
but brown icing as unexplained poo presence?!? no. just no.

Arun kumar said...

Hi! You have a Great blog!!
How about exchanging Links?!
Visit my Blog & if u like it,pls add it to your Blogroll and I too will put a Link for your Site on my Blog!!


www.garunkumar.blogspot.com

Mad Izatie said...

i'm trying to lose weight but this blog (even with the sometimes UGLY cakes) makes me want to have something sweet. I babed batches of cookies last week.

these cakes look sad. depressingly sad...

Kaishay said...

oh good god... i'm not even a cake decorator and i could do a better job of those doughnuts.... whoever did those ought to be shot!

shannonb said...

I took the shot for #3. I also thought it looked a little poopy on top. I just thought it was gross. I wanted to mention I think the 'clam' in the back was actually a really poor attempt to make a full sized cake look like a cupcake. I know, weird, but not as weird as the cake in the back left corner of shot. The cake decorators at the grocery store have gone on this day-glo kick and are making all these cakes in clashing neon colors with thick piped icing... ugh.

carrie said...

Ok... I just need to mention the fact that Pumkin #1 looks like it ate someone. See the eyes peeking out of the mouth? Very scary, indeed.

And, who pooped on top of Pumpkin #3? Is it just me, or is that a big turd?

Anonymous said...

I'm a doughnut fryer--BTW outside of the lovely sugary world of Krispy Kreme, doughnut frying=working graveyard shift.

My first thought upon looking at those pumpkins was "Oh dear holy god what sadistic manager decided that would be a good idea?"

...and I fry doughnuts so I can be an artist in my "real" life.

Brian said...

Actually, the one looks like a Twinkie cake, not upholstery foam....and that makes it extra delicious! Actually, they may have started some horrible new trend...cupcake cakes weren't enough, now it's Twinkie cakes!!!

Anonymous said...

The Krispy Kreme ones are good!! I've gotten them a few times over the past few years, and they've always looked like the picture. There's some sort of stamp that they use at mine. Don't get discouraged!

Anonymous said...

I don't think that last picture is a Krispy Kreme. The ones they have in the Krispy Kreme stores look exactly like they do in the advertisement. Someone was just fooling around with the last one, I think.

Jug said...

I do not get the mice on #4. Did they intentionally squash the mice under the pumpkin?

Cupcakes Lady said...

Fright night in the kitchen ;) xx