Now, Mike doesn't usually concern himself with our "professional-only" rule, but for this feature he did obtain permissions from the bakers in question - just so you can have all the guilt-free chuckles you like. So, enjoy!
In cakery--as in many things--good intentions and earnestness can only get you so far. And then you need good looks. Right? Imagine a world where Ross Perot has his own reality dating show on Fox and then tell me I'm wrong.
So when I swing a callous word or ten at these cakes based on the, uh... "likeness" of Daleks (mechanical mutant aliens) from the BBC TV series Dr. Who, remember that I'm a shallow, shallow man fixated merely on appearances. My words do not reflect upon the care, goodwill, and love that went into these cakes.
(Although, for my money, "love" means giving someone at least a halfway-decent-looking cake. C'mon, people.)
For the record, this is what an actual, honest-to-goodness Dalek looks like, for you non-adherents of esoteric British sci-fi TV shows:
And now... won't you join me in my callousness? (Or in my shallowness. Reader's choice.)
5)
This bloated bastard is the Dalek cake that ate the Dalek cake that had been recently chastised by its doctor for its dangerously unhealthy weight gain.
4)
Kind of a sad little guy, isn't he? I look at this and think, "The perfect 40th birthday cake for the man who's given up on his dreams."
This started down the road for "Dalek cake," but took an unexpected detour at "Nah, let's just cover a banana with whipped cream and stick some chocolate balls on it, because I've got a wicked case of the munchies after that bong hit I just had."
I'm sad to report this Dalek looked perfectly respectable before an ugly incident with an angry, runaway microwave.
Is it just me, or does the top half of this "Dalek" remind you of the giant, asteroid-dwelling creature from The Empire Strikes Back that tried to eat the Millennium Falcon?
Bad space snake. Bad.
Find more awful geeky cakes (and awesome geeky cakes!) at Great White Snark.
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86 comments | Post a Comment
umm.Destroy all humans? *Can't remember if that what they said or not*
I knew someone who was a fan of that show.I dont think I'd show these to them.I'd feel bad for makeing them cry.
And now that I look at the actual dalek.That could have easly been duplicated useing melted chocolate,poured into a pan,set in the fridge for a few hours,cut into shapes,then stuck together with more melted chocolate.
Damn I wanna try that now...
Where do I begin? I know what a Dalek looks like and none of these are it!
4)Looks like a cannibal or at the very least, one of Survivor's immunity idols
3) Is that a pickle on the right side?
2)Microwave cakes never work.
1) Rather upturned peanut-butter jar-ish, isn't it?
Bring on more, I say!
Kat
All I can think of to say is, "Holy Crap." Hysterical.
I think Number 4 is the best likeness.
Maybe number 1 was trying to do Davros. In buttercream.
You know, buttercream is hard to sculpt...
Exterminate! Exterminate!
You are not the only one who first thought about The Empire Srikes Back when seeing the last one >_< One could actually say it was intented to be an asteroid worm and I wouldn't doubt at all.
I absolutely love both Cake Wrecks and Great White Snark, enough that you're both in my sidebar for daily clicking purposes. You guys have just brought me to a Saturday morning of geek-tastic joy. Thank you thank you thank you!
I've pondered how I could do a decent Dalek cake... the basic answer is that it would be really hard. I've seen a couple of gorgeous professional cakes done, but most of the amateur cakes look... well, about like what you saw above.
Holy cow, the last one looks like a post-digested peep that's coming to exact revenge. *shudders*
Hilarious! I like nerdy cakes, myself, and can imagine doing a dalek or R2D2 at some point. But not if they come out that badly!
More proof that Daleks have no sense of elegance . . . but can be funny as heck! :D
The last one is most definitely a space snake from Star Wars...love it!!!
*falls over laughing* Sharing with all my nerd and geek friends, yes sir! Poor mutilated Daleks...
I saw this on Engadget today and thought of your blog.
http://www.engadget.com/2008/10/25/crapgadget-not-even-suitable-for-gag-gifts-edition/
Thought you needed the Cake shaped USB drive :-)
http://vavolo.com/Func_info.asp,Func_ID,71,mode,1,Func_Name,Cake%20Royale%20USB%20Drives,,.htm
Hooray for Dr. Who! (and also hooray for the sci-fi channel showing season 4 on fridays! because i am deprived of the bbc :( )
But... those cakes are rather sad. I think I'd be okay with getting 4 or 2.. but the rest? I don't care what you're trying to make, those cakes are a crime against humanity!
Thanks for the huge laugh this morning! I only know of Dr. Who from my father watching it when I was a child. I wasn't even familiar with this character and even I could appreciate these hilarious "look a likes". So funny. I just think they look like pieces of giant poop (can I say that)gone very wrong.
LMAO those cakes need to be exterminated.
Bring on the TARDIS cakewrecks!
The whipped creme covered monstrosity looks like he's got a bloody eyeball protruding on it's stalk, his mouth is open in a silent scream, and he must know THe End Is Near.
Never did get into Dr. Who.
Those are just so sad! Mostly they look like no other thought other than "hey lets make a dalek cake" went into it.
As a trained pastry chef (went to school and everything) and a devoted Doctor Who fan, these cakes are doubly bad, which makes this post doubly awesome.
Number 2, (since you were counting backwards) looks like a gay dalek with all it's pretty colored lights (m&m's) and such.
I was a bit relieved to see they weren't supposed to be professional cakes.
I don't think anyone would have been able to guess what they were really supposed to be unless they were told.
Funny, I thought I was the only one who knew about Dr. Who (the original) LOL!
putting a lot of stuff on top of each other doen't equal cake or decoration
I laughed! I'm a Dr. Who fan and this post cracks me up. Thanks so much.
To you good folks who commented on just how very hilarious this post is:
You are attractive and savvy people who will go far in life. Fact.
Who the hell knew Dalek cakes were so popular?
Sadly...I am one of those closet geeks that knows exactly what a Dalek is...although, I would not make that public by going all cakey like that...
Eek! Exterminate! Destroy the Dalek impostors!
Exterminate! Exterminate!
I love daleks! I bought a dalek cake from Sainsbury's not so long ago. Very pretty thing, although it was extremely dry so we really don't eat it. It just takes up space in our fridge.
Anyway, the last cake seriously just looks like poop. Space poop.
hmm, maybe these cake wreckers were as traumatized as I was by the scary bits when I was a wee kidlet and my big brother watched Dr Who religiously every Saturday night, and this is how he or she is exacting revenge or exorcising bad memories.
Ex-ter-min-ate!
Is it bad that I saw this and immediately wanted a Dalek cake that shows the inside of the Dalek casing? Because *that* wouldn't be gross or anything.
Hilarious post!
Does that last one look like Cookie Monster dressed in chocolate for Halloween to anyone else?
You will obey, obey, obey. You will obey.
Lifelong Dr. Who fan here!
I swear that one was really not a cake but mashed potatoes and olives.
And that pretzel, just a little too phallic.
The last one was too much like a stuffed rodent.
alisonh, I was going to say that it looked like a sad sock puppet.
How fantastic!!! And now I have a new blog to stalk!!
For the true Doctor Who fans... my hubby is a sci fi geek, big Dr Who fan... our daughter's name is Teagan.
As if I didn't love this blog already...you're a fellow Whovian!
Wow though...I wouldn't even have realized some of those were meant to be Daleks. That was just SAD. I'd hate to see their interpretations of the sonic screwdriver.
Who decided that a Dalek would be a good model for a cake, anyway? People! Stay away from the 3-D cake creations, unless you're a licensed professional!
Those are so bad. I would love to see a good one, if there is one out there.
ahahaha, I love the Missed Marks cakes...fantastic!
this was an excellent guest post...long live the great white snark!
Yaaaaaaay Dalek cakes! This made my day.
[major Who nerd]Is anyone else reminded of The Happiness Patrol? All this candy abuse...[/major Who nerd]
*ahem* Anyway, I recently discovered this place and am absolutely loving it. And thank you, GWS, for doing this feature.
I'm curious to find out from the submitters of 4) and 3) what they used for decorations on the cakes?
I've always thought the Daleks were pretty funny looking anyway... come on, with the plunger on top and the cake beater arms??! :-)
But to me, most of these efforts look more like Mr. Hankey...
Goggle fraking damnit...
I'm going to have to make a dalek cake.Or at least a dalek version of those chocolate rabbits you can buy at easter.Its been bugging me all day.I can't stop thinking about how to make it,what to use,and where the hell I would put the damn thing after it was made.
I don't even watch the show...
great. now I have to poop.
Number 5 would be a lot uglier to me if it didn't appear to be covered in peanut butter cups, which I love.
im sorry.
that last one, looks like a pile of horse poo, maybe cow.
if you're lucky.
poor dalek really has taken a beating.
xo millie
www.crooked.blogspot.com
the one with the chocolate balls hanging off of it looked as if it were attacked by giant mutant mosquitoes. totally unappetizing.
Um...on #5...are those cocktail weiners?
Yes?
Yeah, I thought so.
Nr 1 is great :)
I've seen some pretty awful Dalek cakes before, but these infinitely outshine those on the wrecks-scale.
Thank you - Thank you - Thank you! When the world seems glum, I shall think of the Dalek cakes and all will be well!
Love your blog
IPA
Cake AND Doctor Who - talk about a dream date.
Surely a TARDIS cake would have been easier, except for what would have to be toxic amounts of blue food colouring.
And can I point out that no true Whovian geek/nerd (yep, that would be me) would ever, ever refer to the Doctor as "Dr". Almost as big a sacrilege as those cakes!
A few of these Dalek cakes sure look like they are on personal dishware. Are you sure they are Pro Bakery cakes?
These are so awful, they barely even resemble Daleks. Yet, upon seeing them, i have the sudden desire to make my own, proper dalek cake, one that even the Doctor would like, despite the fact that the sight of them evokes fear in his heart.
I remember coming across a clip of Blue Peter that showed how to make a dalek cake...Most of which probably ended up like this. It involved a couple of jelly rolls set on end, I think.
By the looks of it most of those Dalek-cake bakers followed the instructions on the BBC Blue Peter website and when you take that into consideration you have to admit they're pretty good.
I certainly followed those instructions but I'm not telling you which of those cakes I made.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/cbbc/bluepeter/central/thingstodo/bakeit/dalekcake
ROFLOL
must destroy
must destroy
someone please please set the daleks after these cakes.
they are absolutely the worst representations of a dalek ever. a turd with chicken pox comes to mind when i looked at a few of them.
"I'm happy you're glad."
"I'm glad you're happy."
(shoutout to anonymous-@8:48) :)
Well, it was nice for the loved ones in question to *try* and please their Whovian family members....
Hilarious pics, though. Thanks, GWS!
for this feature he did obtain permissions from the bakers in question
Both Tom and Colin? I'm impressed.
This is foolish. The fact that anyone would want a dalek cake is sad enough. Would you expect it to look 'realistic?' That's like wanting a cake to realistically look like a worn out pair of shoes. What's the point?
i am somewhat embarrassed to admit that we had dalek cakes at our wedding. let me say, they were for the groom's cake, and they were just the toppers for cupcake tree. i think, considering how nerdy they are, they came out pretty well...
http://www.flickr.com/photos/pyjammy/423543116
and three years later, they are STILL in our freezer, looking somewhat worse for wear...
Extermi-cake!
i never thought i'd feel bad for a dalek, until i saw them all sad and melty!
ps- thank you eli for your extermi-cake comment. it made my day!
No, that last Dalek wreck looks like an Ewok! XD
Never seen the Doctor, but my friend and her family love that show to death...=)
Wow - those cakes need to be exterminated...
seems like those cake makers totally gave up and threw something together...
i looked at these dalek cakes and i felt tears in my eyes. i've never felt so sad looking at a dessert before
These cakes are HILARIOUS! However, isn't your mission to display professionally made cakes? I don't but the "professional" label for any of these cakes. I mean, we can see the emptied bowl of frosting emptied candy bag in that last pic! Since when do professional cakes get served on regular dinner plates?
If, however, you're now including all wrecky cakes, then great. It's still pretty darn funny :)
I love our site!
I love those poor little wretched cakes.....
oh wow, this was so funny. Here I am sitting here at work trying so hard not to laugh. There are small tears running out of my eyes and my stomach is vibrating. Oh man, those are some of the saddest cakes that I've ever seen.
um, even my two-year-old is at a loss for words... the last is a frog.. the others are not even cake apparently!
Yes, but what the heck is breakfast juice (#5)?
I'm going to have to go with Dalek 1 looks more like Mr. Hanky the christmas poo from South Park. Dalek 2 wasn't such a bad effort really. Still, not good looking cakes.
Ewwww! I hope they taste better than they look!
(I'm here via the doctorwho Livejournal community.)
Rose Cat
Me and my friends made a Dalek cake that I think tops that.
http://echidnite.deviantart.com/art/DALEK-CAKE-65501753
I am simultaneously proud/ashamed.
i'm crying with laughter.
funniest thing i've read online in months.
I looked at the birthday one and thought "Well, you know, for a 4-year old it's not too bad. It's colourful and recognisable and 4 year olds don't care that much." Then I saw that it was actually 40... Ouch.
Extermicake!!! Extermicake!!!
As a Dr. Who fan, these cakes were PAINFUL to look at! Awesome.
I have unlimited sympathy for anyone attempting a Dalek cake, having made one myself for my step-daughter's 8th birthday (pictures here). She seemed happy, if not massively impressed, but her big brother and one of our other friends (who is in his 30s) both made very impressed sounding noises!
The most astonishing thing I learned from this post is...You're a man??? I've been reading all the posts and thought you were female the whole time! Now I may have to re-read all the posts!
Oh good lord...
I must say, a Dalek cake has gotta be one of the hardest things to do (and yes, I too have made an attempt for a friend's birthday - pics at sugaryflower.blogspot.com if you're interested), but still...
Thank you so much CakeWrecks for making me laugh - again! Love the site...
My kids are recently indoctrinated Whovians, so I had to search this poct for them...had them on the florr.
Jenna
"We are the superior beings"
Obviously not...
EXTERMINATE the bakers!
My son would love the Dr. Who ones. I'll need to show him. xx