Wednesday, October 29, 2008

The Spider Wreck Chronicles

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Not long ago I told you all about a Wreckporter who was foiled in her attempt to photograph a spider Wreck. Since then many of you have sent in photos asking, "Was this it?". Of course I have no way of knowing, so we'll just have to ask Mrs. Tantrum. So, hey, Mrs. Tantrum, was this it?


For what it's worth, this one isn't TOO bad. Other than the fact that the legs are sprouting out of its face like whiskers, of course. And all that black frosting. And the disturbingly ambivalent mouth expression. And the fact that it's a CCC. Yep, not bad at all.

In fact, from what I've seen that is actually the most popular style of spider cake out there. Here are some more colorful models:

This one at least has its face in the right place (always a good thing), but I'm not sure what's going on in the mouth area. Plus, that Haunted gingerbread kit in the background is pure Wrecky gravy.

I would be remiss if I didn't include the steamrolled model:

Plus, yellow? Really? This looks more like a colorful dust mite, or maybe an alien brain with tubing attached, but a spider? No way.

Or how about this guy - or should I say 'girl'?

Sure, she looks more like a muppet with dreadlocks and a bald-spot than a spider, but she's so gosh-darn cute!

Speaking of dreadlocks...

Cha mon, dese be some hoppy Rasta spiders! They be jammin'. And really, have you ever seen pipe cleaners look so delicious?

Alyss H., Rebecca S., Valerie S., Katie M., and Tina F., tune in tomorrow for the terrifying conclusion to...

[dum dum da dummm] The Spider Wreck Chronicles.
PerkinsClan said...

And silly me always thought spiders had 6 legs! They must still be attached to the steam roller somewhere.

David Gale said...

You forgot to note that the makers of the yellow "spider" and the pipe-cleaner-leg "spiders" apparently can't count. Or else they forgot how many legs spiders have.

(The one in front of the haunted gingerbread houses may also have this problem, but it's hard to tell because of the glare on the box...)

The Kitchen Gadget Goddess said...

I don't think the yellow one is a spider - it's only got six legs! Maybe it is a happy dust mite!

Chris said...

That muppet spider is dawlin'! :) I think (gasp!) that I would consider buying it! :)

And you are RIGHT! I have never seen such delicious pipe cleaners! I have some just like that. I think I'll have to go taste them. Or, maybe not. ;)

Mary said...

Actually I would not want to eat any of them..very suspicious looking lot of cakes/cupcakes. Yuk..

But as always you make me laugh! I look forward to more Chronicles.

BTW..you have me lurking in the bakery at the stores looking for wrecks. It does become an obsession.

sharalyns said...

Argh! I have seen the first one in all the stores here, but in dark purple... That yellow one only has 6 legs! It's not an arachnid...

I have a pumpkin wreck I need to send to you--gotta get my hubby to get it off my phone first though...

Kiera said...

AAAgggghhhh!

I STILL can't see any of the pictures! One day they just stopped working. (sob)

What's going on??

Julio said...

The first one...blegh. All that black icing can't be good for one's
physiology.

The second spider looks like it's made out of a blue and pink afgan throw blanket. And the yellow one is just too much.

The Muppet spider is cute. I'd buy it just to have it sit on my desk and it would put me in a good mood every time I'd look at it.

Laura said...

The Rasta spiders are kinda fun!

alanna rose said...

And I thought all spider had eight legs...

Emma said...

Not to be a huge nerd but I noticed that some of the spiderwrecks don't even have the right number of legs... insects have 6, spiders have 8!

catmania said...

OMG - once again you have made my morning! These spider-wrecks are enough to send an arachnophobic running and screaming from the room. My personal faves are the muppet with dreadlocks and the rasta spiders, they look kind of like a ding-dong with eyes.

HorribleLicensePlates said...

I think the first little guy is kind of cute.

The rest of the cakes are nightmare-worthy.

Megan said...

Hahahaha They be jammin'. You crack me up!

All Adither said...

I like the muppet spider. Kind of reminds me of Abby Cadabby.

Angie (from over at www.HalfAssedKitchen.com)

Tracy O said...

Oh, dear Lord - I'm not sure what color I would make a spider cake if I were to make one, but these are OFF the list! What about chocolate - Why can't we just make them chocolate? And that yellow one (and the Rastas, I think) only have 6 legs - I guess that would explain the looks on their faces - I guess amputation makes you cross-eyed!
Thanks for the laughs - I really needed that today!!!
Tracy O

Elvira said...

Adding to my list of things that should never be eaten = Black Frosting, Black Licorice, Cakes with spiders or spider themes (real and/or decorated.) ::throws up::

CC said...

The muppet one is so cute! But the others are....scary! Especially the 1st one - oh my gosh!!!

Sarah said...

huh, i kinda like that first one...though it does remind me of the cookie monster cake.

Flartus said...

Bwahaha! I love the yellow smooshed one. That's what happens when Mr. Spider scares me in the bathtub.

I have to disagree with you slightly on the first one--that confused expression is perfect for a CCC. "Am I cake? A herd of nifty one-serving treats?? Or a giant glop of frosting????"

I do honestly feel sorry for it.

Anonymous said...

As atrocious as the Halloween cakes/cupcake monstronsities are ... I can't wait for Thanksgiving.

You can only ruin a spider, ghost, whatev, so far and in so many ways.

Turkeys are going to be fun.

Anonymous said...

I love the title for this post!

The fourth cake looks like a winter cap with legs and a face.

Melissa

The Honorable Mayor of Bethville said...

My first thought was wondering what color someone would poop after eating that much black frosting.

My mind. It is in the gutter again.

mattschuette said...

Wow, I thought it was common knowledge that spiders, like all Arachnids, have eight legs. Six legs is the tell-tale sign of an insect, and ten a typical crustacean. Cake designers take note: spiders have eight legs! I'm actually pretty sure that reiterates what many Kindergarteners and first graders are learning right around now.

C said...

Ack! Bugs! Hollowe'en bugs! Run!

Sorry. Some of these wrecks are just wrong! All together now: How many legs does a spider have? EIGHT! Maybe they're Hallowe'en daddy longlegs? Boo!

(Aren't we all scared now!)

RubyT said...

Doesn't the yellow one only have 6 legs? One of the rasta spiders looks like it only has 7, but I can't quite tell.

--Ruby

Tabitha (From Single to Married) said...

Those are hysterical!! Love it!

Karen said...

Apparently these "decorators" aren't aware that spiders have 8 legs, either.

Rnee said...

Is it bad that I really like the Muppet one? I mean, if I were expecting a spider, I'd be disappointed, but those insane colors and the cute face! It's so bad, it's good.

Olivia said...

And what's with the six-legged spiders? (the yellow and the two black)

Anonymous said...

okay, the pink, yellow and green spider is downright adorable! The yellow dust mite....ughhh.

NP said...

Did we notice that some of these poor creatures only have six legs? Hrm.

NP

wpb30635 said...

Ow My eyes!!!!!
Some of those should come with epilepsy warnings.

Snowberry and Lime said...

Hilarious cakes, as usual! You gotta give the sesame street spider some credit for at least having 8 legs though.... apparently that is not a given with its yellow variety. :D

Veronika

WakeGrace said...

BAHAHAHAH the rasta ones are my fav! and the muppet one just may give me nightmares.

Jenn T. said...

8 legs. EIGHT. Spiders have EIGHT legs. You'd think they could at least get the anatomy right. The yellow one & the Rasta spiders (I think) only have 6. Man, what kind of cake decorators are these people?

Calli Arcale said...

Goodness. What pops instantly into my mind (besides WTF?) is "how difficult is it to remember that spiders have eight legs?" They're pretty famous for having eight legs. I mean, ask a grade-schooler about spiders, and they'll tell you that they live in webs and have eight legs. So why do so many cutesy-wootsy-crap-spiders have only six legs?

(I do not expect an answer. I'm sure the answer is along the lines of "why do some people use double-quote marks to indicate emphasis?")

GreenEggsandSam said...

OK, this is my very first comment on your blog! I was recently referred to your blog by a friend. I don't do cakes. I just have funny friends and we all have pretty great senses of humor (if i do say so myself). SO, I recommended your blog on my blog...blah blah blah...and now we're all enjoying you via googlereader.

Moving on...
About the yellow spider cake...I'm wondering if the prosthetic shop is working on the other 2 legs and if they will soon be forthcoming or if yellow spidey will always only have 6 legs instead of 8, after the accident.

Looking forward to being a faithful reader for years to come...
-sam
www.MusingsWithSam.wordpress.com

Anonymous said...

You didn't even mention that the yellow one only has 6 legs! It apparently lost two in the steamrolling incident.

teacherlady said...

Maybe the yellow dust bunny is making that face because not only is it a wrecktastic spider, but it has lost its seventh and eighth legs. Poor dear.

J. Applebee said...

Rasta Spiders are just the best! They have an innate sense of rythm, they are relaxed and chilled out. And they only eat flies if the flies want to be eaten.

I also love the transgender rasta spider too -- Queer Rastas don't get nearly enough exposure on the web, so you get bonus points for that!

Anonymous said...

Non-food on a cake should be an immediate wreck qualifier.

Happy Halloween!ERtripomgomgomgomg

Poetry Sue said...

My eyes can't handle the assault... I would almost say these are the worst cakes I have ever seen.... but there are so many wrecks to choose from...

Anonymous said...

The multicoloured Muppet spider-thingy is just too bright. Yuck.
The poor flattened yellow dust mite is very sad..
~Amy B.

yousuckatcraigslist said...

I hope I never see a pinata-colored spider in real life.

Kameron said...

That first one is either an Albertson's staple the nation over, or it's from my local store, because I passed by it last week and wished I had my camera! But really, I think that one's the tamest of the bunch here. At least it's BLACK!

Brianna said...

Ha ha ha! I love the "muppet" one! I stared at it for a minute, then read your comments and thought "that's exactly what it looks like!"

And....yummmmm pipe cleaners, they're my favorite :)

janet said...

Dude, did they all get those spider CCCs out of the same craft magazine or something?

debbiearnn said...

Those pipe cleaner ones do NOT look like spiders...they look like children...for real. that's cute.

Mella said...

And the yellow spider is missing two legs. Maybe she (yes the cake looks female to me) got attacked by some vicious cake wrecker

Hi Kooky said...

Love the first cake. Judging from the spider's expression, he looks like someone just stepped on him.

Fluffy Cow said...

I like the muppet spider too. *smiles*

Leslie said...

Mmm....pipe cleaner. *nom nom nom*
I love those Rasta spiders. Won't be showing this entry to my hubby because he's insanely arachnophobic but these are definitely pretty wreck-tastic.
Personally I think the six legged ones are happy Halloween fleas!

Miranda said...

I like the spider wrecks except for the yellow one, and except for sticking pipe cleaners in food. But the others, you know, more fodder for my Halloween party! I just need the "grass" decorating tip and I'm ready to go!

(yes, I know, how did I get by decorating all these years with no "grass" tip?) meh, I dunno!

--gothchiq

our3qtgirlz said...

Yeah--for some reason I'm drawn to the muppet spider--I just want to take him home.

I must agree, it is a tragedy that someone plucked off those spiders legs.

And a note on face-placement. Yes, it is more accurate to have the face on the front (side), not the top (where it looks like a flattened octopus). But, when going for more accuracy, these cake decorators go and ice the sides of the cupcakes--and I'm betting they leave the paper on. Gah-ross!

Miranda said...

Hey, Julio?

The best way IMHO do do black icing is to first use plenty of dark chocolate cocoa powder. You don't need all that much black coloring then.

Carol said...

I'm kinda digging the Jamaican spiders, mon!

You think the person who decorated the muppet spider got an order for "Animal's head on a platter"? Cuz that's what it is lookin' like.

Anonymous said...

Never mind the legs...why do all these spiders have crossed googly eyes?

Sari said...

Oh my goodness, do you know what all that black icing will do to everyone's teeth and lips?

Amanda said...

Cracks me up that most of those don't have the right number of legs!

Kelley with Amy's Angels said...

I have to stop reading this blog at work because it causes uncontrolled laughter.

Which causes my co-workers to look at me and say "What's so funny" and then I have to fess up I'm reading a blog rather than contacting my students.

LOVE your blog!

Giusi. said...

you are so hilarious. hahahaha

April said...

The muppet spider is adorable! I'd so buy it.

thebuglady said...

I think the technicolour one looks like the muppet puff balls that sang notes when bonked with a mallet by the conductor.

LaurenH said...

Not to mention on the first one, who would want to ingest frosting that color!? Forget black poo, I'm willing to bet that stuff had dyed your intestinal wall and stomach lining black as well!

And while looking nothing like spiders, those brown butterballs at the end ARE adorable!

MaryO said...

OMG !!!!!!!

I am laughing soooooooo hard I think I might need a change of underwear! The spider wrecks just got funnier and funnier as did the commentary... Oh mon.. most hoppy Rasta spiders. Geez. And for what it's worth.. the muppet multicolored arachnid was AB-SO-LUTE-LY wreckdorable!

Hilarious!

usda said...

the 1st one reminded me of a cross between cookie monster and coolio, maybe

Anne said...

LOL! I can't wait to see what you post tomorrow.

I have to say that while everyone is commenting on the fact that spiders have 8 legs - not 6 like the yellow dust mite, no one has mentioned that spiders also have 8 eyes. I do think that 8 eyes on a cake would definitely amp up the creepy factor, but maybe the placement of the 2 googly ones that they do have isn't so off after all....

Klucky said...

I saw these...erm...cakes when I was grocery shopping a few nights ago but didn't have my cell phone with me! Glad to see others did!

Summer said...

I hate spiders and dust mites. So these wreck were extra wrecktastic for me.

I'll have to say the CCC with the ridiculous amount of black frosting is my favorite wreck of them all. It's probably the ambivalent mouth expression that did it. ;)

rachelle said...

I haven't read your comments, but spider legs actually do come out of their head, not their abdomen :)

Emily said...

The awesome disco-spider looks more like a creation from Viva Pinata than a Halloween cake. ^_^

Emily

Ronnica said...

I distinctly remember learning that spiders have 8 legs in preschool. Seriously, people.

Karen said...

The first one looks like Cookie Monster dipped in black ink!!

Marissa said...

I actually reall LIKE the muppet with dreadlocks one!!! granted, its no spider but it is cute.

the one with pipe cleaners scared me. i can see 2 of my 4 kids eating them...or trying to. ewww.

Anonymous said...

The good thing about the rasta spiders is you can use the pipe cleaner legs to scrub the stains off of your teeth and gums after consuming all of that black icing!

Monique D.

MaryO said...

Man, there is a whole lotta talk about bug anatomy. Your fan base must be really brainy! Eight legs (I gotta agree - I learned spiders had 8 legs. I know I'm of the Boomer generation, but I don't think spiders have changed that much), 6 legs, yellow, black, multicolored. For what it's worth here in So Cal we have some very lovely black spiders with yellow markings; but they don't look like ANY of the Spider Wreck cakes represented. I kinda feel sorry for the little yellow dust mite/spider. S/he looked like s/he may have been squashed by a truck. Poor thing.

Anonymous said...

Kiera,

Try right-clicking on the picture spot and choosing 'show picture.'

Sinead said...

Not only did I get to laugh my head off at some of those cakes, but then my daughter added even more humor--"That first one looks like a spider that got squished long long ago!" lol

Beckie said...

Black frosting = purple hiney. Learned that one after my mother-in-law made my 2yo a Mickey Mouse B-day cake.

Cellar Door said...

I like miss muppet cake of the colorful spider! It's delicious looking! I bet kids would love it, too.

Beccy said...

Walmart is FULL of cake wrecks and cupcake cake wrecks. From square pumpkins to ccc similar to the one you just posted!

The Ferber Family said...

i think i'm mostly disturbed by the number of people that think spiders have 6 legs... it's EIGHT people, EIGHT.

Lancastermom said...

Those are the funniest spiders I have ever seen. I personally like the rasta spiders although they do look delicious! Thanks for the laughs everyday!

Christie said...

The best part of the yellow one, is that it only has 6 legs - spiders have 8 legs.

Valerie S. said...

All of the spider cakes we saw at our local store had 6 legs, all 4 of my children were quick to point this out! I was afraid they were gonna get us caught taking the picture!! The yellow one really caught my eye...you should have seen the orange, white, and black swirl one, with a bright pink mouth!

Berit said...

I actually think that the pipe cleaner spiders look adorably cute!

Wade T. said...

The yellow spider and the Rastafarian spiders only have six legs :(

Jennifer said...

I actually like the muppet looking spider.

after a recent experience with a soccer ball cake with black icing- to put it nicely, the black metabolized a weird green color.

Also, for you first time moms- the same happens with grape pedialyte, so don't freak out if your sick kid suddenly has neon green poop.

Anonymous said...

Well you know,although it varies most spiders have more than two eyes. Triffles, triffles.

Anonymous said...

The yellow one minus the legs looks kinda like a squished Lisa Simpson.

Cagey said...

As an actual invertebrate enthusiast myself (and owner of one, pink-toed tarantula) all of these anatomically incorrect so-called "spiders" are actually TICKS.

Jana said...

Wow, my kids would love those cakes, so they will never see them! Hey kids, here's some extremely dyed icing to get you bouncing off the walls, then we'll all go trick or treating! Crazy, although they are kinda cool, and I love the comments you make about them!

Tracy said...

OMG that black frosting is so nasty and bitter when you put that much coloring in it.

Anonymous said...

Speaking of trifles...."trifle" only has one f.

Kahla said...

I thought spiders had 8 legs... at least that's what I teach my first graders. Maybe they were just so tasty someone had a couple as a snack and that's why they're missing?!?!?

Mad Izatie said...

i like the colourful spider. the red, green and yellow one. :D not bad at all.

kisekileia said...

I'm amazed that nobody else has said that the yellow one looks like a cross between a spider and SpongeBob SquarePants.

Cathy said...

The first one looks like Cookie Monster dressed up for Halloween...I mean look at those eyes-they're definitely Cookie Monster eyes, and the fir-if it were blue, it would look just like Cookie Monster with 8 legs. Even the mouth looks like a skinny Cookie Monster mouth.

Kelly said...

Bad spider, but great muppet! I like that one. I thought it looked like a Fraggle. Remember Fraggle Rock?! Ahh...cakes that bring up great childhood memories!

Chezza said...

I wish I could get a good picture at our local store. We have some scary looking wrecks.

Caroline said...

It's giving me a headache...

Mama said...

i thought of your blog when i saw the top cake today at the store.

Havocec said...

I happen to know that black icing turns your tongue deep blue. I bought Dad a cake that was supposed to be decorated to look like a speed limit sign for his 70th b'day.

They put too much black icing around the edge. Turned all the elderly aunties tongues blue. Strangly, it matched their hair.

So it wasn't a total bust based on entertainment value. And it was butter cream, yummy.

The last two cakes are too cute.

Miranda said...

I've always thought black (and red) frosting had a really nasty taste from the coloring. Does anyone else notice that? I have had people tell me I'm crazy, but I swear that I can tell the difference in taste between black and, say, yellow, icing without seeing them.

So that all-black spider. ... yikes! That's one of the few cakes I could easily pass up.

A said...

This blog of yours wouldn't be nearly as hysterical if it weren't for your fantastic writing and stories behind the pictures!
Love it, keep it up!

echidna girl said...

very cute but I can't imagine wanting to actually eat anything those colors

Ms Unreliable said...

The yellow one reminds me of a termite, no idea why.

The colourful one looks like Animal (the Muppet) going through a rebellious phase.

scrappinfox said...

OMGoodness! This is my first visit to this blog, and I about fell off my chair! This is just too much fun. I happen to like spiders, so it was appropriate to jump in on the SpiderWreck Chronicles. The cakes with 6-legged spiders were especially disturbing; why add insult to injury? Thanks for a wonderfully hilarious blog. I'll definitely be back!

Anonymous said...

@cagey:
Um, TICKS are also arachnids and also have 8 legs, just like spiders and mites. Self-proclaimed experts should check their facts.
Alex

Queenie Jeannie said...

Thank you!!

That's all I can type while laughing this hard....

Kiera said...

I've tried using Firefox instead and just clicking on the picture, but it's telling me that the picture links themselves are of a pornographic nature and won't let me lookie at them. (Perhaps I shouldn't be looking at it at work, sigh...)

Hmmph. This sucks!

Cathy said...

Yes, I agree with the nasty taste of black frosting. I have found a wonderful welcome replacement for black food coloring (which, by the way, I never use anymore). I make my black frosting using Hershey's Special Dark Chocolate Cocoa. Turns out black every time, and tastes GREAT! No more bitter black frosting. Try it.

manicpaniccomix said...

The pink one is totally Grateful Dead, man.

diddlesgirl said...

ok, the two year says . . . in order of appearance: cookie monster, elmo, big bird, hermie, and octopus . . .
perfect sense to me!

diddlesgirl said...

the snuffalupicus cake looks like chewbacca or maybe the nasty guy from pirates of caribean. or maybe a dark colored wraith.

Colleen said...

um don't people know that spiders have 8 legs. i mean get real, at least give them 8 legs. so funny. the blog sure does make me look at the cakes in the grocery stores now.

KayƩ said...

OMG! I have a pair of earrings that look a LOT like the she-dreadlock spider!
And the last ones are adorable!

Anonymous said...

Oh my gosh. A friend and I just laughed so hard, soda came out of our noses regarding the "rasta spiders..."

Thanks for the good laugh!

Happy Halloween!

JennyF said...

I think I'm going into a sugar coma just seeing all the frosting on these. Ugh!!!

Kyra's Mama said...

I'm just imagining the multiple panicked E.R. visits when one parent brought the black spider cupcake-cake to the class party and then the rest of the unsuspecting parents were frightened and surprised by the mysterious green poo that inevitably follows the eating of too much black frosting...

Freezair said...

@Miranda: Don't worry; you are not alone! Some people are, in fact, more sensitive to bitter flavors than others. Like me, for instance. I always hated store-bought cakes--no matter how nice they looked--because I tasted all the frosting colors, and it was naaaasty. So I agree--blech on that frosting!

Anonymous said...

I'm with those who see Cookie Monster in the first cake. But to me, it's Cookie Monster assimilated by the Borg.



-- extrajoker

ockitty2003 said...

I love how that one cake looks like the head of Animal from the Muppets. Lol. I wonder what these bakers are thinking when they put so many colors of icing on one thing of cake.

Catherine Googleberry said...

That first spider's "mouth"...?

Words.

Cupcakes Lady said...

The colourful spider, the red, green and yellow one, is good...even though I don't like spiders. Not sure i cud eat it...but to look at it is cool ;) x