Friday, October 10, 2008
Friday, October 10, 2008
"Laura, so help me, if you run blubbering to the bathroom one more time I am going to fail your cotton candy rear faster than you can say "contralulations". Which, incidentally, is what you wrote on your cake:"
"And Laura? What in the name of all things holy is UP with that apostrophe? Does Ronan belong to Contralulation, whatever that is? Oh for goodness' sake...here, take a Kleenex. I don't see what you're crying about, though; I'm the one saddled with teaching you bunch of imbeciles.
"Ah, Chris, I see this isn't quite so funny to you now, is it? Mr. Chuckles looks a little worried! Could it be because you made the EXACT same mistake as Laura?"
"Who's the big man now, Chris? Huh?
"And Katie, could you please remind the class of the very first thing I said to you all when we started last week? Oh, I'm sorry; you don't remember? Well, obviously you don't remember, Katie, because what I said was 'there is no 'd' in congratulations'."
"Way to go, Katie; you inserted a 'd' and omitted the 'i'. Now, class, 'omitted' means 'left out' - I don't want all these big fancy words to overtax your teensy little brains.
"Sarah, this looks like 'Congratwat Jody Clarry'."
"Maybe if you would stop focusing on your cutesy little flowers for a few seconds, you could attempt to center your inscription, eh? How's that sound? Honestly, class, have you undergone some massive brain-wipe since The Art of Spacing? Do you remember NOTHING that I taught you?!?"
"Alright, moving on: Doug, let's take a look at your cake:"
"Say, Doug, why don't you do us a favor and just say the word you wrote here, hmm? No, really, I want to hear you pronounce it. Go ahead.
"I'm waiting, Doug. No? Nothing? I see.
"And finally, there's Beth's cake:"
"Beth here apparently thinks my years spent teaching have left me blind as a bat. Wow, it's like I can't even SEE that gaping hole between the 't' and the 'u', Beth! And I certainly would never notice the 's' is missing, or the fact that the 'g' stands out more than my wife at an anorexics anonymous meeting. Nope, this cake looks A OK to me!
"Well, since I'm obviously not getting through to you numskulls, we're just going to have to try a slightly less traditional teaching method. The metal pens you see before you are not airbrushes, class; they're tattoo pens. Now, pay VERY close attention, because you're really going to want to get this next bit right..."
Becky W., Claudine, Katy B., Liz P., and Terricha, class dismissed!
Wreck the Halls
What's a Wreck?
What's a Wreck?
A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.
Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)
Praise for the Book
- “Will have you laughing so hard you’ll forget to eat!”— Washington Post
- “a hilarious winner” — The Oregonian
- “a fantastically gut-busting book”— NPR
- “It’s all here, each wreck a disaster of hilarity.” — BookPage.com
- “Hysterically funny!”— Epinions.com
- “laugh-out-loud funny”— The Times
- “Yates’ sharp humor makes the funny even funnier.” — The Dallas Morning News
- “an amazing laugh-out-loud book”— The Book Triblog
What the fans are saying
- "I was laughing so hard, I couldn't catch my breath."
- "As funny as the blog that started it."
- "WAY better than I expected!"
- "Cake Wreckery at its best!"
- American Mensa:Top 50 Websites of 2010
- Amazon: Top 10 gift books of 2009
- The Orlando Sentinal “Orbbies”: Winner Humor
- 2009 BlogLuxe Awards: Funniest Blog
- 2009 Bloggies: Best Writing of a Weblog, Best New Weblog, Best Food Blog
- The 2008 Weblog Awards: Best Food Blog
- Blogger's Choice 2008 Awards: Best Humor Blog
Where's the book?
We don’t have any copies of Cake Wrecks for sale here, autographed or otherwise. We decided the shipping and handling costs would be too high to make it worth your while. So instead, buy your copies locally or online and then order personalized bookplates: it’s cheaper, easier, and I think even looks a bit nicer.
Payments must be made through Paypal, which accepts all major credit cards. Sorry, but that means no checks or MOs or barter-based chickens.
We ship everything first class USPS, and will do our best to have your package in the mail within 2 days of your order.
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