Thursday, October 30, 2008

And Now the Conclusion of The Spider Wreck Chronicles

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Ok, I think yesterday's post was getting a little Wreck-less there, what with the cute dreadlocked spiders and all. Sorry. Here, this should help:

One smashed spider extraordinaire, coming up! Don't you just love those bloated little legs, the pimply red dots, and how they moved him after air-brushing the board? Oh, and just to mess with your sense of perspective: that red thing above the eyes is not another unibrow; it's his mouth.

I'll give you a moment to reorient yourself. (My ear hit my shoulder the first time, too.)


Now brace yourself, because next up is the most frightening Spider wreck I have ever seen.


Tell me that doesn't look like a demon-possessed Mr. Snuffleupagus from Sesame Street. Remember Snuffy?

That's truly terrifying, people. What next, a zombie Micky Mouse? Stop messing with my childhood icons!

Now, I'm told these cookie decorations are supposed to look like spiders on their webs:

But I'm pretty sure they're squashed ants on target boards. C'mon, four legs? How lazy are these decorators getting?

Of course, some err in the other direction:

That's 10 legs on the guy on the right. I'm also wondering if these spider puff balls are solid icing, 'cuz if they are then I couldn't think of a more appropriate inscription. Yeesh.

Thanks Caycee H., Shawn A., Kayla B., and Vanessa C.!
The Courteous Chihuahua said...

At first glance, I thought pic #1 was Michael Jackson's missing glove.

P.S. - It's about time you got this post up. I have to go to a meeting!! ;-P

Anonymous said...

That top cupcake spider only has 6 legs, so technically it is a long legged cockroach!

hillary said...

Congratulations, Wal-Mart, you are the first creators of the Tick Cake. Eeek!

The Kitchen Gadget Goddess said...

I think the last one doesn't have ten legs - their meant to be pincers! Also, I think they're cupcakes, adding even more to the wreckiness!!! LOVE IT!

Liz said...

I'm really impressed by the script on the Satan-Snuffy Cake... HAPPY HALLOWeen...

Melinda said...

These cakes are INSANE!! Poor Snuffy! :(

Laura said...

Since when did they stop teaching the fact that spiders have 8 legs? ...or did spiders change since I was in grade school? Scary stuff here. :)

Liz said...

The left blob of icing on the last picture looks like it's bleeding.

joyce said...

EEEeeekkkk is right. A commenter from yesterday had it right, and has ruined it for me---these are TICKS, not spiders. Thanks.

Todd said...

Possessed Snuffy, or Cthulu? Either way, it's terrifying. Great work as always!

Pork with Bones said...

Those last ones look more like ticks than spiders. Enormous, bloated ticks, after a feast. Eeeeeek, indeed.

Brian said...

That's not Snuffleupagus, it's Cthulu!

Ia! Ia! Cake Wreck fhtagn!

Also, if you look closely at a tarantula (an occupation I'd advise you against), you'd notice that in addition to its eight legs, it has two smaller leg-like appendages called pedipalps. Since those icing-ball creatures bear no other resemblance to any known spider, I have no idea what I'm going on about.

amy :) said...

i think the worst ones are the cookie "spiders." and i love how half of the web on the bottom left one is squiggly, and then the decorator obviously thought, "nope, that looks like crap, too" and didn't even bother to do the whole cookie the same way. classic.

Funnelcloud Rachel said...

Come on people, spiders have 8 legs! I don't think a single one of these examples has the right number of legs. Smashed spider #1 only has 6. And the 4-legged spiders...maybe a bratty kid tortured it by ripping half its legs off?

The demon Snuffy...I just have no words for that one!

Jessica said...

Uh...spiders have 8 legs. I don't think ANY of these have 8 legs. Apparently, math - or at least counting - is not a valuable skill for cake decorators.

Carrie said...

Eeek is right!!! I am so dying right now because that second one does look just like Snuffy!!!lol!!!
And I cannot believe an actual bakery had those "spider" cookies in their display case...my 5 year old could make better looking spiders than that!!!

Anonymous said...

I'm disturbed that the squashed ant cookies are the color of mold.

HorribleLicensePlates said...

That "Eeeek" cake is great. I wonder what is going through the mind of a Wal-Mart cake decorator when they decided on an inscription. I'd like to think it's something like, "Man, this cake looks like crap. Eek! Uh, dude, that is perfect!"

Sue said...

The squooshed ants are the best. Those are definitely unattractive cookies.

Your blog is the best. I've given you an well-deserved award. Check it out.

Sexy Witch said...

4 or 10 legs? I think these decorators need to take a basic entomology course.

wickedrebel said...

Woah! Six legged spiders? I do like the one that looks flattened!
The kind of spider I like! Keep up the great blog...it really brightens my day!!!

Leslie said...

Alright, get a young priest and an old priest. Snuffy, is there anybody in there with you?
Snuffy: Sometimes...
That second cake is SCARY. Or maybe poor Snuffy isn't possessed and he just wanted to dress as Samara/Sadako from "The Ring" and the long black hair got a little out of control? Hmm...
The first cake looks like spiders usually do in our house....smashed beyond recognition. And again with the six legs. *scratches her head* Can nobody count?

Vic said...

Who ever thought black icing would be appetizing? Even Pepto Bismol comes with a warning that it may turn your tongue and/or stool black and it's pink!!!

Cassykins said...

I totally see Snuffy!

WakeGrace said...

SNUFFYYYYY!!!!!


*runs to corner rocking and crying *


he was my favorite too.

also that CCC looks like most of the spiders in my house after my shoe finds them.

kaishay said...

That one looks more like Cousin It on a bad hair day!

Oh well.. at least it would be in-keeping with the Halloween Theme!

MeilingM said...

The first spider, besides only 6, albeit quite plump, flattened legs, was perhaps not purposely moved after the board was air-brushed. It looks like he was centered when the board was colored, but shifted on the way to the house where this picture was taken. Both of these problems are due to the cupcake-i-ness of the spider creation:
1) Spider legs the thickness of cupcakes makes for very wide spider legs.
2) The cupcake paper, as opposed to cake, on the bottom means he's fairly mobile in his clear plastic domed traveling case.
So, once again we see why CCC are a bad idea. QED

Flartus said...

I nominate those alleged "cookies" for the Wreck Hall of Shame. I can't think of anyone I know who couldn't do a better job of making spiders. (or ants, for that matter)

Wait, I take that back; my 5 year-old nephew *might* have trouble. But I'd give even money on him, truly I would.

*James* said...

Those spider cookies look like they were saved from last halloween. Not too appealing I gotta say...

Love your blog!

Anonymous said...

None of these spiders has eight legs! The first wreck only has six!

Roscoe said...

I love the spacing of the word Halloween on the second cake, too. Scary, indeed!!

Stephanie said...

I think I wet myself over demon-possessed Snuffy.

random me said...

No Way! I get to be the first to comment??? I'd like to say that I love cake wrecks and have been following the spidery extravaganza. I kinda liked the muppety spider yesterday. My hubby laughed hysterically while reading your "rasta" talk to me out loud. Todays wrecks...well exactley that. WRECKS! But can I politely point out one thing thats bothered me in all spidery posts? WHY can't anyone count anymore??? 4 legs, 6 legs, 10 legs? I think mybe 1 wreck actually had 8 legs. Talk about not being able to properly recreate something with life-like features. Its almost as bad as using horrible quotation marks!!!

love ya!
sp

Fleeting said...

Okay, I think I would have done a better job of doing spiders when I was elementary school than the "ant on bullseye" cupcakes! There was so much wobble there... I hope either the decorator is severely geriatric and caffinated, or else has Parkinson's, because whose hands shake that much!?

Cortney said...

Goodness! I had milk almost come out of my nose this morning I was laughing so hard. The Snuffleupagus cake is horrible, poor little kids! And I agree about the ants on targets!

Charlene said...

Someone needs to buff up on their spider anatomy. :P

Mari said...

Oh wow, more spider wrecks. xD

Awww. The last one reminds me of the little sootballs from Spirited Away though. And those things are adorable.

Anonymous said...

That snuffy spider looks like Cousin It to me!

Kelley

Trevor said...

Okay, i have to disagree with you on the last one. Those aren't 10 legs on the one on the right. The front things are supposed to be pincers, like on an ant. So I think they are 8 legged ants, as opposed to spiders (Not that it makes it any better).

And the possesed one made me think of the Swamp Thing. You probably never saw that movie though.....

Anonymous said...

Problem- the first one? Not a spider. Only 6 legs. Or, something happened to 2 of them. Poor thing.

jemmo said...

Also on the hyper-podial spiders, the one on the left appears to have a splotch of ... blood? Eeek is right.

Etiquette Bitch said...

yecchhh!!!! that second one is just gross. i do not want cake today.

Rea P said...

The first cake has only six legs, not eight, so even if it was meant to be a spider, I'm seeing a tick. The kind they tell you to watch out in the spring because they carry lyme disease.

Ew.

Bekka said...

Actually, the second one looks like a brown Cthulhu.

geeky Heather said...

"demon-possessed Mr. Snuffleupagus"

LOL!!!!

jen shikami said...

I remember Snuffy, but it looks more like a demon-possessed Cousin It to me. :D

sarah said...

microwaved Snuffie.. how could they!?

catmania said...

EEEEK is right! Were these decorated during take your child to work day? I am still scratching my head at the first one, never mind the 6 legs again, but if you turn it so the "mouth" is facing front, the writing is upside down. Love your blog, it is the first thing I look at every morning at work.

Skittl1321 said...

Well now we know where the missing legs from yesterdays spiders went! They are on the last cake. (I think the decorator meant for them to be pinchers in the front)

All this black icing - ew- how do you eat it?

The cupcake creations are so hard to make look nice, but I'm always impressed at the effort. I worked at a school that did not allow you to bring in a cake that needed to be cut, so cupcake creations were the only choice...

Robert said...

What really freaks me out is the number of people who keep putting (insert random non-8 number here) legs on their spiders, instead of the standard 8. Are we to assume that these are maimed spiders? That IS scary!

Maya said...

Snuffleupagus? My first thought was Cthulhu.

Anonymous said...

It appears that bakers are not aware that spider's have 8 legs. 8 People!! Not 6, not 2, not 10. Even little kids know that. Wreck-tastic!

Aimee said...

OH MY MY MY! Ok, the flat spider, just laziness. BUT WHAT THE HECK is the deal with that hairy "Ode to Tarantula" crap. Yea, lets bring that out at the party. All the kiddies will go a runnin.. Yea Memories!

sciencegirl said...

is it too much to ask, (of cake decorators as of filmmakers), that arachnids have 8 legs and insects have 6? 10 appendages are for squid!
The best strategy to take here may be to Eat Them All Real Quick so we don't have to look at them any more.

Becky said...

OMG that Snuffleupagus thing is SCARY. I hope no one buys that for their children...can we say nightmares???

Marybeth said...

There are so many things to say, but I want to be sure there's enough room for all the comments - So, I'll just stick with the putrid color of the frosting on the squished ant / spider cookies.
N-A-S-T-Y...It looks like mold or something. Ick :o(

Abbi said...

EEEEEEEEEK is right! Good grief!

KPP said...

Maybe the last spiders have 8 legs and 2 pincers. That would make me go "Eeek!"

spartangogreengal said...

hey now.. take it easy on the poor decorators!! not everyone had a college course in invertebrate biology and knows that arachnid species have 8legs!
and, by the way, ants are insects and should have 6 legs.
Yes, both are members of the Arthropod phylum, but belong to different Classes!

yousuckatcraigslist said...

I want to cry.

Jennifer said...

"You're the only one who can see me, Bird. IN YOUR NIGHTMARES."

LaurenH said...

The last one kills me!!!!

I think because.....OK, so we have a ten-legged spider (perhaps so he can share with some of his friends above...?) And I can see that maybe the idea was to make the front two pincers (yes, that's soooo much better)

But look at the one on the left. I'm assuming there is a leg behind the shine of the packaging and I still count....nine. Either way, he's a mutant!

Karen and Kyle said...

I thought the pimply 6 legged CCC was bad...until I saw the other wrecks on this post. In comparison, that first one is almost decent. Only in comparison and only almost decent...just to set the record straight!

Mella said...

And again with the legs . Is it that hard to remember basic biology

writtenwyrdd said...

That last one looks remarkably like two bloated ticks, which is even worse than bloated spiders with stubby legs.

These are definitely all wrecktastic.

Anonymous said...

Um, sciencegirl, octopi have 8 legs (or arms if that's your preferred term).

Anonymous said...

Not Mr. Snuffleupagus...Cthulu.

msyendor said...

Cake #2 - Agree with earlier posts -- Dear Snuffy has been eaten by Cthulu or The Swamp Creature. What would really make it a ick-tastic would be to change the colors to 'camo' or decomp. green & brown. Then I'd buy it & serve it up at my sci-fi halloween party as a Klingon petit-four (?)

Meli said...

If it were the icing balls in the last one that had 4 limbs instead of the ant cookies, they would have made awesome soot balls! (From the movie Spirited Away.)

But then there's still the black icing... which is disgusting. Even if someone made soot balls on purpose and were really cute, I still couldn't eat one. Black is a horrible color for icing. How much food coloring do they have to use to make it BLACK and not grey?

Janus said...

If those were solid icing, I would be going for them first.

And I think the two front thingies on the one you said had 10 legs are supposed to be antennae.

Anonymous said...

I think the spiders in the last pic are complete with pedipalps. Those help spiders sense objects and aid in prey capture and feeding. They're part of the mouth, and not legs.
Just FYI. :o) (I have a tarantula btw)

The first 'spider' is so sad looking, and the demonic snufflupagus? Ugh. LOL

~Amy B

Kirchy said...

I think 2 of the legs on the last post were supposed to be part of the mouth, mandibles or something like that

Fluffy Cow said...

8 is not hard... 8 is easy. Right after 7. 8 is great!

These people have jobs????

Anonymous said...

Eight legs, people, EIGHT LEGS! Isn't that one of the first things we learn as children? Octogons and spiders - EIGHT.
I'd say that they haven't been watching Sesame Street, except that one Snuffy-like cake begs to differ.
Is it wrong that after reading this post, I'm craving cake?

briana said...

what's up with all these cake decorators forgetting that spiders are arachnids and thus have 8 legs?

Andy Lester said...

I think the one you say is like Snuffy is more like Man-Thing.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Man-Thing

Lindsay Blattel said...

I TOTALLY thought it was Snuffy.

Amanda said...

O M G Must. Breathe. I'm holding my sides from the Snuffy one.

cupcakefan said...

Okay, you got me. That CCC is awful. It's only missing tire tracks.

Giant road kill spider.

What's he so damn happy about?:-)

Peggy said...

The spiders with 10 legs must have nicked them from the 6 legged spiders!

I LOVE this blog! My pal and I laughed ourselves into sore bellies on Monday night looking at all the cake wrecks. Must have been why I slept so well that night. Thanks!

Anonymous said...

It's not Mr. Snuffleupagus, I think it's Cousin Itt from the Addams Family!

Elizabeth said...

this blog is crack for the soul.
Did the Walmart spiderball on the left have 8 1/2 legs? It's hard to tell. But, EEEEEK inded!

FreedomFirst said...

Squashed ants on target boards - right on! I think you found the perfect description.

JulieZS said...

Snuffleupaguss cake looks more like Cthulhu to me! Oh and by the way Cthulhu For President!

Scrivvet said...

Holy cheez, that Spiderupagus is one nightmarish-lookin' creation. And you just know that the icing is the cheap kind you buy in a can at grocery stores; that spider no doubt has a clayey, flakey texture and enough sugar to burn the roof of your mouth off. Urgle.

SarahSilent said...

The last ones remind me of the Soot Sprites in Spirited Away. Kinda cute in a not-spidery kind of way...

Jessie said...

When in doubt, find out...
If you don't know what something looks like but want to draw (or make icing pictures of) it, then get a reference picture first!

I figure the first cake only has 6 legs because cupcake-legs are just too fat. I also can accept the idea that the last cake has 10-legged spiders because 2 legs are supposed to be palps. But those cookies? No excuse.

Kelly said...

These are definitely more wreck-taculous than yesterday's spiders. The Snuffy spider is creeping me out! Yesterday an example of an unintentionally good version of a muppet character; this one is definitely an unintentionally bad version of a muppet!

ksaldria said...

The second one scares me o.o

Anonymous said...

To the anonymous poster who replied to sciencegirl:

Yes, octopi do have eight appendages, hence the name. However, squid, which is what sciencegirl was referring to, have ten: eight arms and two tentacles.

-phantomcranefly from livejournal (on a school computer so I can't log in)

lilianril said...

It amazes me that it is so difficult to count to 8 for so many people...

Marin (AntiM) said...

Or maybe the extra legs on the spider on the left are a failed attempt to represent the tibial hooks male tarantulas have on their front legs to restrain the female's fangs during mating.

Because we know most grocery store bakery artists arachnologists by education.

Brianna McCarthy said...

I'm very disturbed by the Devil Spawn-Snuffy cake.

And Hillary @9:33am is right -- Wal-Mart, that's a tick cake. That ain't no spider!

dakota said...

The Snuffleupagus spider actually looks more like Cthulu...

um... lol, like a lot of other people said.

holly said...

I thought the second one looked like Davy Jones from POTC.

John (the hubby of Jen) said...

Wow,

I actually get to correct you guys for once.

Cthulu

Actual spelling: Cthulhu

AWWWWWYEEEEAHHHH!!!!

MaryO said...

Oh Lord. Another ROTFLMAO entry. Squashed ants, yep. I C that 2 ! And I think I might be a little too old to know Snuffleupagus (sp?), but I definitely see Cousin It as did several other (I presume) Boomers did. I'm not sure about Cthulhu either, but I'll take your fan base word for it! I'll have to Wiki that one. I agree with the replete tick observation too. Yuck.

Daeni said...

Not snuffleupeguss...Cthulu!!!

Kelli said...

Actually for Halloween there is an official Disney trading pin of a zombied Mickey, with creepy eyes and all.

misa said...

Any kid who has seen a tarantula can tell you that the spider that appears to have ten legs actually has 8 legs plus in the front it has 2...ummm...don't know the actual word for them but when I was a kid we called them spider weenies. (though those are rather long ones...)

KE said...

As a Dr. Who fan, you should recognize that Cake #2 is CLEARLY an Ood, not a spider. I mean, come on, isn't that obvious?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Doctor_Who_Planet_of_the_Ood.jpg

diddlesgirl said...

oh my goodness. my two year old has much better names for these cakes. the first is a duckie, the next is "fiderman", the others are all octopus or pirates... this makes much more sense than spiders!

janet said...

Eeeeek is right...

Anonymous said...

the 9th and 10th legs on the last cake are obviously pedipalps

that's what they look like to me, and that would make them actually fairly anatomically correct, that is if they had a cephalothorax and an abdomen instead of just one...

of course you could argue that its a harvestman which appears to only have one body segment and also has 8 legs + 2 pedipalps


oh god I'm arguing about spiders on a cake blog.. mmm im going to be quiet now

Kamity said...

Those spiders on those webs aren't bugs. They are cats.

Mary Lasse said...

Many of these photos violate several basic spider principles.

1. Spiders have eight legs (not two, four, six, or ten...and heaven forbid a spider with an odd number of legs).

2. As far as I know, spiders don't have googlie eyes. I'm not sure I could live in a world where the potential of a spider with googlie eyes chasing me is possible. *shudder*

3. Spiders don't have smiley faces. And they especially don't have SQUIGGLY smiley faces that push the boundaries of physics.

I realize that there is a time and place for spider cakes and spider cupcakes, but is this batch of The Spider Wreck Chronicles the, err, "best" that cake decorators worldwide can offer?

How sad...and UTTERLY AMAZING.

Lindsay said...

on the first picture you forgot to mention the fact that its missing two legs..
Maybe I'm wrong but since when do spiders have 6 legs?!

Charisse said...

And the worst thing about picture # 1?!?!?!? ITS A CUPCAKE CAKE WRECK!!!!!!

Mrs. Tantrum said...

Those spiders from yesterday were in fact the ones that were at the store that I was yelled at for trying to take pictures. They are all kinds of day glow horror now, and most only have 4 legs on one side. (if they are there tomorrow morning I am buying one and taking its picture then sending it to you after letting everyone at work scarf it down.)These people are "professionals"? Bacon who is 4 could do a better job on no sleep and blindfolded than these people!

evil and demented little cooker girl said...

i was laughing so hard when you said this "Tell me that doesn't look like a demon-possessed Mr. Snuffleupagus from Sesame Street. Remember Snuffy?"

haahahaha
:)

Stephanie said...

Ok I wouldn't have picked out that the red line on the first one (the "squashed ant") is a MOUTH because usually the direction the inscription faces is the direction you supposed to look at the cake from. So, since the text faces towards the camera, I vote it IS a unibrow! If the text faced the the same way as the supposed smile, THEN it would be a smile.

I just worked on spiders in my invertebrate zoology course at uni so I yelled at the screen with all the wrong-legged spiders. My husband threatened no more cake-wrecks if I couldn't behave myself. But I MUST MENTION ticks and mites are also arachnids and also have 8 legs. So these are more like beetles than ticks.

Mon said...

The second picture, with the "Happy Halloween" writing, i've figured out what it is....

It's a Chthulu cake!

The literary world's most unspeakable horror in sugar and chocolate.

Actually, if it actually is a Chthulu cake - it's really pretty awesome. However if it's a spider, then, well, yeah - it's just kinda sad.

Amanda M. said...

i do believe the legs at the front are supposed to be pincers... ridiculously long pincers.

Laurel said...

Oh hell.. you made me snort!
A demon possessed Snuffy? I lurve you!!



I love your blog.. and this time.. the Muppet fanatic in me coudln't resist and had to post!

THANK YOU!!

-Laurel

Tamera said...

At first glance, "Snuffy" looks like Chewbacca to me.

joared said...

Well, I like Snuffy a lot better than Barney -- now he's a real Halloween fright year 'round.

langtry said...

The cake that you think looks like a demented Snuffy reminded me of the evil possessed warthog-like creature in Hiyao Miyazaki's "Princess Mononoke". It's a great anime film from the true Master of the genre.

Anonymous said...

those extra legs are pedipalps -- short arm-like things the spiders use to help push food into their mouths

moose said...

The "demon-possed Snuffaluffagus or whatever cake is actually Cthulhu!!! And while looking through the other comments, I found somebody else found this!!! Amazing. Now I need to learn to speak Cthuvian.

Limegirl said...

langtry: I was just gonna say!

Demon Snuffy = Tatarigami/Demon Boar

Click here, see second from bottom.

Everyone have a look, the resemblance is striking, even if it was accidental!

LinuxChik said...

Oh my word. That "demonic Snuffalupagus" monstrosity looks like the cursed boar god in Princess Mononoke.

The Mother said...

Aww, c'mon! 8 legs and 2 pedipalps, very accurate from an arachnid point of view...

Shannon

Perry Strange said...

oh my God...

the first two are adorable.

... I'm serious.

Anonymous said...

Your designation of number 2 as Sunfalupagus is generous! I think he looks like Swamp Thing on a bad day!

TwistedSerenity said...

I absolutely love your blog! It's so refreshing and humorous! You go girl!!!!

Anonymous said...

The "demon-possesed Snuffy" looks more like the Boar Demon from Studio Ghibli's Princess Mononoke. Picture here: http://www.onlineghibli.com/mononoke_hime/newimages/DemonBoar.jpg

Katherine said...

i think the decorator of the "eeeeek" cake meant the spiders to have pincers; that's why they have 10, um, appendages.

Cupcakes Lady said...

Woah! Six legged spiders?
The kind of spider I like! I'll be on this blog every day for the rest of my life xx

Orion said...

I just found this website today, and have been going through it like water in a desert! I love the cakes, and the comments. They're amusing, often bringing smiles, but nothing made me laugh out loud until the possessed Snuffles cake. You were spot on there, Jen.