Tuesday, September 9, 2008

The Painted Cake Cometh

Tuesday, September 9, 2008


This cake is absolutely stunning - kind of like a sharp blow to the head. I know that I was forced to stare in stunned silence for a moment when I first saw it: the thought of eating that much Pepto-colored paint put me in cerebral lock down.

Still, if ever a herd of curly teal amoebas were to migrate across a shockingly pink desert, I imagine it would look something like this. (They even sent the little ones on ahead, see?) And I'm sure it can't be easy to get something edible to look so glossily non-edible, so props where they're due and all that.

But the plastic grad caps - why? No, seriously, for the love of all things cakey, why?

And I'm not going to even mention the spacing, except to say that someone should be staying after class again.


Hey, while your retinas are still smarting, check this action out:

Now, I don't know if it's because orange is my favorite color, or because those giant pillow-y swirls look so softly smooshable, but all I can think about when I look at this is how much I'd like to attack this bad boy face-first, T-Rex style. RawrMmmmmmmm.

Yep, nothing brings out the carnivore in me quite like sugary baked goods. (Oh, wait...)


Libba Roberts said...

the teal "amoebas" struck me as looking as if their bodies were partially underwater. you know how you might draw some monster with portions of tail appearing? haha... very hilarious!

Anonymous said...

With the pink cake, it is amazing to me that someone with such lovely handwriting (with icing none the less!)couldn't make simple flowers or figure out spacing!

Meg said...

Jamie Glass? Wasn't that Jan's imaginary boyfriend on the Brady Bunch?

Laura ~Peach~ said...

now what could you possibly have agains pepto pink and green turds ... LOL ack. sorry the orange is not much better in my book~

yokaye said...

Hmmm..pepto bismol and cheeto dust. Big yum. ;)

wordalchemy said...

Perhaps you've got an unresolved childhood memory of Creamsicles, Jen... :)

What I love about that cake is the orange dusting over the word space (I dare not call it a ribbon) - to 'tie it in'.

Julie said...

Is color blindness a prerequisite of being a "professional cake decorator"?

What the h*ll are these people thinking?

Sometimes Sophia said...

Hilarious!!! Love your blog!!

KraftyKerilou said...

That orange color reminds me of Tang! Looks like they sprinkled it all over the top!
Kerilou

skatej said...

The color on both of those cakes made me want to vomit. Pepto never sat well on me...

CRUSTYBEEF said...

suddenly Desperately Seeking Susan has found her mate with that lovely pink cake.

The orange cake looks like it has a creamy vanilla inside--like a misfit in the twinkie factory.

(I'd eat it too)

Andrea said...

Wait a minute, Kathryn and Jamie can't help that the school colors of their alma mater (von Rosenhof High - home of the fighting amoebas!) is pepto and teal. Very unfortunate.

The Courteous Chihuahua said...

Are bright pink and teal the school colors? I guess Kathryn and Jamie were the 2006 valedictorian and salutorian at Hair Designs by Mr. H. Beauty College.

BTW, Jen...you weren't far off. That herd of curly, teal amoebas were actually migrating across a shockingly pink "dessert".

Anonymous said...

The first cake was surprisingly not bad on the eyes...aside from the gross pink.

The second one actually hurt to look at. No lie.

jaxx79 said...

OMG! The orange cake hurts my eyes. Is that Kool-aid sprinkled on top?

Carol said...

At least the first cake isn't all monochromatic.

kdbasher said...

Wow! Imagine what that cake might look like under black lights - it might just glow brighter! LOL!

It's so sad that the spacing is so bad because writing is pretty decent.

This cake, and your whole site for that matter, begs to have a new show developed, "Unsolved Cake Mysteries."

Valarie said...

I wonder if they took a bottle of Pepto in to the decorator and asked them to match the color kinda like they do with paint at HomeDepot...hmm.

That orange is blinding! (but it does look yummy!)

Jennifer Foster said...

Makes me wonder more about the actual decorators of these cakewrecks. Do they really think those are nice cakes? I mean, do they take pride in their work?

Because I would have to cover my face in shame if they were my cakes. You'd find me cowering in the corner!

Irishgirl said...

OMG! I can't stand pink and green together. But this cake reminds me of a line from Steel Magnolias where M'lynn says about Shelby's wedding decor, that it looks like someone threw up Pepto Bismol all over the church.

craftygeekmama said...

First thing I thought upon seeing the pepto puke cake- "Blinded by the Light!"
The second one is actually pretty compared to the pepto one.

Megan said...

Glass of 2006?

Anne Marie said...

The orange cake oddly reminds me of peeps LOL

Anonymous said...

I thought the first cake said "Glass of 2006." I think that the decorator could benefit from a remedial cursive-writing class.

Chaucer's Bitch said...

I want to poke my fingers in the swirly orange thingys. Mmmm.

Juliet said...

The colours on that first cake... my retinas are still burning!

Deborah Godin said...

Since recently discovering your blog, I have come to the opinion that whoever said "A little knoweledge is a dangerous thing" was ooh so right. Cake decorating equipment in the hands of the wrong people is the culinary equivalent of loose nukes. That top one, the pepto-teal thing...I'm torn between wanting to know and not wanting to...but what kind of cake (color) is underneath that?

AppsNChaps said...

What is sprinkled all over the orange cake?? Makes it hard to read! And they probably should of hand written the text to not only avoid Happy Birthday becoming one word, but make sure people know it's Dale's birthday, not Dall's.

The pink cake just makes me want to vomit. Just. . . *shudders*

Fluffy Cow said...

Ow. Ow ow ow!!

k-bro said...

How very, umm, Miami Vice.

kate said...

Congratulations Kathryn and Jamie Glass!

tiny-little-dot said...

I already thought you were awesome because of this blog, but now I learn that your favorite color is orange? Mine is too, and I share you T-Rex-y inclinations towards that cake. You have surpassed all expectations.

Maire said...

My Eyes! My Eyes! I think i'm blind now.

Jessicalovescake said...

I just found this blog and I am LMAO in my office!

It is a shame that 2 obviously talented people are so frigging color blind.

Is Pepto the new black?

Kelly said...

I'm not saying these cakes are magnificent, but I don't think I'd called them "wrecks" exactly. Maybe just not up to par. I don't think the color choices are THAT deplorable - I mean, I kind of "get" them.

Crochet by Momma J said...

My eyes! My eyes!!!

Dawn said...

Okay, the first cake is gawd-awful ugly, BUT...my actual Alma Mater (Sweet Briar College) is pink and green all the way. And probably most of us would not have a cake that was quite that...colorful, we might get a cake that is pink and green. Hopefully, white with pink and green accents.

Leslie said...

My eyes...they burn!
Somehow though this reminded me of your technicolor poo discussion. I'm wondering if the pink or the green would win in the..er..end.

Kansas girl said...

Those teal things look like something I would make, in an attempt to fill the empty space in a reasonably decorative manner, if I was bored with traditional flowers and things, and wanted to try a different shape. And that is why I don't decorate cakes.

(The only cake I make routinely is angel food from a box, and it doesn't last long enough to get icing of any kind put on it.)

Becky said...

I don't think our bodies should ingest such bright colors.

sues2u2 said...

lol & some more lol!!!! I started to cry from laughing so hard. Thanks for the laugh, I soooo needed it.

Debby said...

Jan's "boyfriend" (note correct use of quotations! I'm already a better decorator than some of the pros who created these lovely confections!) was George Glass. I'm kind of sad that I know that.

I would gobble all of that yucky colored orange frosting right up! Butter cream frosting is good!

sunshyne said...

I love your blog! :)

Orange is my favorite color, too, but it's a hot mess on that cake. If the cake was a different color, it would look yummier.

Anonymous said...

It's the orange cake had an air brush explosion with all those freckly things on the top. How bizarre! But yet, the writing is also orange which leads me to think it was actual orange icing & not air brushing... perhaps a combination. Either way... so so frighteningly bright.

Dessie said...

In fairness (to who? The cake maker? I don't know), my mother used to make luminous cakes much like these - not professionally, mind.

She was of the belief that more colours were a very good thing, and so cakes often had blue sponge, green icing and red piping...

whywouldyouknitthat said...

UGGGGHHH looking at those giant globs of icing make me nearly go in to a sugar enduced coma. Did they take the tip off of the bag on that one or what?!

Dea said...

Wonder what color the poo shall be after these bad boys.....DOH!

Susan said...

Before Hurricane Andrew in 1992, it was the law in Florida that all buildings had to be painted the colors of that first cake.

Maybe their school is PAINTED those colors.

eley said...

Cheetos flavored Cake...that is all I can say

Lindsey said...

Honestly, I don't think the first cake would look so bad if that pink color wasn't associated with Pepto Bismol. When I bit into it I would be expecting to taste Pepto, which is just gross. But if it weren't for that it would be cute.

The second one... GRAAH.

*~ Jane ~* said...

I LOVE YOUR BLOG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The orange cake comment is toooo funny!!!

Thanks so much for providing me a good laugh everyday!

Anonymous said...

Ok, so maybe Im just a pervert but am I the only one that right off the bat thought "why is there a weiner on that cake"? I had to look for a few seconds before it clicked that it actually class

Bianca said...

Someone mentioned peeps for the second cake. That'what I thought, except I thought more of microwaved peeps! (Have you ever seem them fluff up in the microwave?) mmm...

caradea said...

Wow! A Tang cake! You shouldn't have. Especially those Tang sprinkles on top...

Kansas girl said...

I shouldn't comment twice, but this suddenly reminded me of a birthday cake I had when I was maybe 4 or 5. One of the few things I remember about that party is the weird and kind of bitter taste some of the frosting had, and I think it was the darker-colored frosting (dark purple maybe?) that was bitter, as if they'd had to add so much color that it overwhelmed the frosting. I think that's one reason I don't go in for really vivid food colors like these. Even though food coloring is probably better tasting now than in 1971 or whenever that was.

One of the few cakes I've tried to "decorate" was a pro cake from an AWESOME bakery, and wasn't really the right kind for icing decoration. So I stuck little plastic graduation-cap-shaped picks in it and called it good. (And it WAS.) So I don't have a problem with the plastic hats on this cake. I think they're cute, but even if you hate them, they're the least of its problems, no? The cheesy gold paper stickers on them are worse than the caps themselves, actually.

Anonymous said...

I wonder if the frosting on the first cake was also *flavored* like Pepto Bismol.

Dougster said...

Very funny blog!! I voted for you. I do a blog about traveling the USA in a truck and wondered what do I have to do to become a blog of note. I looked a several and kept saying "mines better than this one". Then I stumbled upon yours and Kudo's to you very funny and well done.

Sarah said...

yummm cheeto cake!

Laura/Notepad said...

The second one reminds me of a creamsicle....and now I really want one...thanks. :P

thenewsarahsundae said...

I kind of like the orange one...

Etiquette Bitch said...

hey, where did my comment go? all i said was the orange hurt my eyes.

AsTiMa said...

The pepto cake cracks me up! I love how they weren't sure how to spell Kathryn. The afterthought of the n looks more like... Congratulations Kathry...n?

Brandy said...

See, now, I would T-Rex that orange cake to save others from having to look at it!

We're such givers!

Rawrmmmmph, indeed!!

Shannon said...

The 'amoebas' look like the mutant offspring of that green gloopy stuff with raisins that crawled off John Cusack's plate when he prodded it with a spoon in Better Off Dead.

Valerie Phoenixfire said...

LOVE your blog.

That orange cake looks delicious!

Reo said...

Vivid Cakes(tm)... now with twice your daily allowance of Pink, Green and Orange!!!

Holly said...

Ha! The orange cake matches my living room!

No lie - my living room is retina-burning orange. I think that's what the paint can called it anyway ...

Cindy said...

The orange one is very hard "on" my eyes, but I would "still eat" it. ;-)

whizz said...

I think I figured out why this cake is so horrible to look out. The pink is the exact colour negative of the green! Use a photo editing program to "Negative Image" and the colour just swap around. How head wreaking is that?

JetpackAngel said...

I work at a Wal-Mart, and even before I discovered this blog (or worked there) I liked to cruise by the bakery on occasion and see if they'd whipped up anything interesting. Now that I check this blog every night when I get home from work at o'dark-hundred, I also check the bakery on an almost nightly basis. Nothing good so far, unless you count the small cupcake-cake with a bold green swirly mass of icing, decorated with... little plastic hot dogs and hamburgers. Like a Tiny Plastic Sword for drinks, but... hamburgers and hot dogs, on a green cupcake-cake. I took a shot with my phone but the quality sucks.

I don't get it, either, but it was funny.

Oh, and the orange cake looks DELICIOUS. Just be glad it's (probably) not a lemon cake, or your eyes WOULD be bleeding. God, can you imagine that cake in Eyeball-Vibrating Neon Yellow?

~JetpackAngel

Elvira said...

F.Y.I. Jamie Glass is the little brother of George Glass (Jan Brady's "Boyfriend") And for what it's worth the orange cake, however hard to look at, makes me hungry for fluffy frosting like that. yummmm.

Beckster said...

WOW....

(i got nothing)

janine said...

I think the first cake must be for members of the Alpha Kappa Alpha sorority who are not known for their holding back. I recognized those colors immediately, because my senior year of college I moved into a recently vacated AKA house and EVERY room was in those colors. It had a pink toilet!!!

Yénifer said...

Orange is my favourite colour, too! But trying to read what's on that cake is so painful to me.

"Pepto pink and green turds" is a very apt description of the Glass of 2008 cake. That one is making my throat and stomach hurt.

P.S. I LOVE the blog. It's extremely hilarious!

mavis said...

except for the plastic hats (mad crazy), this cake was just my style. very retro, it kind of bespeaks the golden age plastic and aqua teal.

i wish i would have got a shot of my brother's graduation cake. when he was little he would say, "i'm serious, i'm a near genius!" so we had, "reuben is a near genius" emblazoned across the top of his costco cake. only my mother ordered it and it came out "reuben is a near genisus." i had to smash it a little before it was served to make it look like a sad accident.

Anonymous said...

The first one looks like one of the teletubbies had the runs...

K2 said...

my first thought.....the little singing slugs from the movie "flushed away"......toooooo funny!! Jen you really make my day!!

Ruth said...

I happen to love the orange cake as well, particularly as it is displayed against such a lovely complimentary shade of blue.

I'm serious, I kind of love it.

halfgk said...

I looks like the Sta-Puft Marshmallow peep!!!

Anonymous said...

Am I the only one who thinks the first one looks fine? Not a cake wreck at all in my book.

Pink = Strawberry, not Pepto, IMO.

Anonymous said...

The orange monstrosity? It's a Kraft Mac N Cheese cake - lookit it. Betcha the curls on the top represent the macaronis, and the sprinkled stuff on the top is the cheese...

Alli

bionelly said...

Lately I've seen cupcakes that claim to be flavored like Hawaiian Punch, Sunkist and 7Up (I haven't gotten up the nerve to try any, though!) I wonder if that orange cake is a full-sized version of the Sunkist cupcakes?

halfgk said...

... I meant, IT (the yellow cake at the end) looks like the Sta-Puft Marshmallow peep!!

Anonymous said...

Yuk! Pepto-bismol! the worst medicine ever, the orange cake however, is the most appetizing Cake I have ever seen on this site,
YumYum!