Thursday, May 26, 2011


Thursday, May 26, 2011

Sometimes I find a wreck or two that makes me feel all poetical and stuff.

These...[dramatic pause]... are those wrecks.

Barren winter tree
on a giant bare cookie.
Woo. Celebration.

Circle of sprinkles
instead of decorations
because it's break time.

A fish in the sky.
She turned me into a newt!
But...I got better.

Packing foam peanuts,
A big shiny pile of...wait.

Is that Tiana?

Blue, orange, yellow.
A cheerful makeover for

the eye of Sauron.

And now, let's hear a piece from the king of beat poetry himself:

(via wimp)

Spot on, Data. Spot. On.

Thanks to Ellen B., Rachel W., Jodee R., Meg G., & Lizzie B. who also have hedonistic predilections for demonstrations of affection, but we don't talk about that.

Note from john: Today's comment board kerfuffle shall be titled: Orange: One syllable or two?
Libby said...

The title of this post, as well as the post itself, was, as usual, a win. Something tells me that the wrecker of that first cake is a lonely artist, frustrated with the lack of opportunity for True Art in his lowly job as a giant cookie decorator... it just speaks to the soul, doesn't it? ((mocking))

wv: Clereti. Not that we get a whole lot of clarity with these cakes...

Orange: One and a half syllables. There now.

Anonymous said...

Ah, got to love a Monty Python reference. :D

Scorp said...

This was a funny post. And, I have to say orange is a stupid word. One or two syllables? We will never know. I have to say 1 though.

Suzanne said...

Did cake #4 spring a leak?

Judy K. said...

These cakes truly are
pathetic and quite scary
Where's cäkenschmööscher?

Becky said...

Data is the man!
Were those cakes made by children?
I could do better.

Trevor said...

I'm sure that someone else will have noticed this, but I'm terribly amused by the wording on the sign behind the, um, whatever she is, cake.

"Your celebration cakes deserve the freshest ingredients" Or something to that effect. Well, good to know you'll be eating fresh packing peanuts, isn't it?

Anonymous said...

If you're from Texas, orange is pronounced "Arnge", thus one syllable. If you speak the Queen's English, then 2 syllables...and it rhymes with......drum roll please.....DOOR HINGE! TADAA!

Stephanie said...

I think this is my favourite CW post ever. Not so much because of the cakes, but because you've managed to combine LOTR, Monty Python, and Star Trek in a most appealing (apalling?) way. Oh, and wrapping Data totally made my day.

WV="minesse" Minesse are shaking from all of my laughter at this post

Anonymous said...

#1 - I look at all the lonely...tree?
#2 - Could be an outline of a face?
#3 - wow
#4 - Is that a dress or?
#5 - An eye or?!

Beth said...

Data rapping made my day! We saw Brent at Detroit ComicCon a couple weeks ago, which also made my day.

Merriam Webster renders the word "orange" as "or·ange", clearly two syllables.

Gianisa said...

Trivia of the day: the word "orange" comes to us through juncture loss, where the original letter sounds like it's part of the article and gets moved over. Basically, it started out as "a norange" and ended up as "an orange". We get the word from the original Sanskrit: nāraṅgaḥ

It has 0.75 syllables, +/- 1.5 syllables. :)

Anonymous said...

I'm not sure I agree with Data. I'm pretty sure my 9 cats are sentient and if they ever learn to get along, they're going to overthrow the regime (me). Still awesome, though.

Bonus internets for the Python reference.

Now for the kerfuffle. Anonymous at 10 a.m. is right about the Texas pronunciation: one syllable with an "ar" sound at the beginning. In the various places I have lived I have heard one syllable (orrrnnj), two (or-unnj, or-anj), or even three (or-un-ju) with the third syllables sometimes having a slight "chuh" sound.

Carol said...

Darn...I'll have to wait until this evening to see the video! Hate that work blocks all the videos you post! (don't suppose you'd consider always posting the URL [to youtube?] under videos?)

And the first time I read orange...I read it as one syllable....but when I saw it threw the count off, I decided to read it with two. ;) So I go with......two if you need it for a haiku!

Laura said...

I kinda like the little fish/frog thing. One of the few "cute wrecks" out there.

JessicaT said...

Nope, purples!

jo said...

wow, who knew cakes could be such great fodder for haiku! BRAVO. those were brilliant. they almost helped to elevate the cakes to art. (ALMOST.)

great Monty Python reference!!

do you just crack yourself up writing this stuff?

Anonymous said...

WHAT ON EARTH?! I can't grasp the logic behind this. I hope you have military sweets for sunday :)

Crystal @ Cake Decorating Mom said...

The first one looks like a palm tree with snow on it. Am I right?!

Morgan said...

love, love the reference to Monty Python ... one of our favorite quotes and used rather frequently here in our home ... all with, "I'm not dead yet ... I'd like to go for a walk!" :)

Anonymous said...

The orange Epcot.
I'm heading for the bunker.
Save me a seat, please?

This actually made me nostalgic for the haiku wars my friend Travis and I had many moons ago. Rapid fire emails on various topics. We once composed a total of 15 haikus on the subject of Sonic. Specifically their tots and limeade. Classic!

Anonymous said...

WV: Moonsi

For many moonsi
have contemplated "orange"
One syllable? Two?

Tricia L said...

Cake #1 looks much like my first attempt at painting pottery. Keeping in mind that I have no artistic talents whatsoever. That first piece I call my "primative period" work. I think perhaps practicing on giant cookies would be better. You can eat your mistakes.

Loo-E Loo-I said...

LOL, the one fish/newt is from a kid's song: "Hole at the bottom of the sea"

Still not a pretty cake tho'!

I say "ornge", not "or-ange".

MissNay said...

Ode to Syllables:

Gold jacket green jacket who gives a profane word for feces?

Denise said...

Love your haikus! The cakes on the other hand... well... could use some work, but at least they serve a purpose for comedy on your blog.

BTW Orange is 2 syllables, generally with with every vowel comes a syallable, bot always because of silents vowels and letters, but generally.

BADKarma! said...

What's better than cakewreck haiku?



(It's "O-Range". Every pronounced vowel marks a new syllable. Just sayin').

Still Singing said...

In Tennessee, from whence my husband came, it is pronounced ORNJ - which word you hear quite often, as the TN Volunteers are ORNJ and white, and people shout out on a continual basis, "GO BIG ORNJ!" (They also sing Rocky Top on a continual basis, but that's a topic for another conversation...)
In Maryland, we give "orange" the usual 2 syllables, and we also prounounce things like Maryville - "mary-ville", not "merravul". ;)

mel said...

The "Circle of Sprinkles" cake, as you refer to it, was made by a graduate student majoring in both baking and philosophy and is their combined final exam. The white, of course, represents Tabula Rasa, or the blank slate we all start out with, while the multi-colored sprinkles naturally represent the cultural, ethnic, socio-economic and various other elements of diversity that contribute to the nurturing of the human being. You'll note that the circle is imcomplete on the right side -- the circle is not unbroken, it is not fully formed...will it or can it ever be? Space limitations prohibit a thorough analysis of this masterpiece, but that is a brief summary of this ingenious work that provides both food...and food for thought. It is truly a unique doctoral dessert-ation.

wv - clamism: the tendency to be quiet when in a group

Anna N. said...

I personally pronounce "orange" as one syllable, but most people I know pronounce it as two syllables so both pronunciations are valid.

Great post as usual!

Holly said...

@thesacredandtheprofane I'd have been more impressed by that if the subject had been the hedgehog instead of the drive-thru =oP

Anonymous said...

@ mel

That was a WONDERFUL disertation, you should do that for a living (maybe you already do!) Make WRECKS of all kinds pretty for society :)

zombecakes said...

The blue, orange yellow one looks like the eye from Battlestar Galactica :)

Daisy said...

Jen, you never fail
To outdo yourself each time
Haiku for the win!

Anonymous said...

On the Tiana cake, the sign says you deserve the freshest cake made from the finest ingredients. Guess we should get our cakes elsewhere then, cuz that just doesn't look fresh or fine to me.

wv: ferspil. Because America.

SaraCVT said...

Cake #3 made me think of this:

Sharks fly through the sky
Pretty girl sings to calm them
A Christmas Carol

jiniz said...

I'm going out on a theatrical limb and say that first one is for the cast party of a community theatre production of "Waiting for Godot."

Anyone? Anyone? Just me? Damn.

Banana said...

if it were spelled "ornge" then maybe it would be one syllable.

Anonymous said...

Clearly Data was supplying the missing Vogon poetry from yesterday!

wv - poldi. Let's poldi's people and see what dey tink.

Anonymous said...

There's a frog on the log in the hole in the bottom of the sea....


The Fancy Pansy said...

In defense of the fish, that's the "frog on the bump on the log in the hole in the bottom of the sea"

flying gargoyle said...

Is that Oscar the Grouch peering out of the waves on the third cake?

Unknown said...

Eye of Sauron FTW.

Once upon a time in my nerdly youth I had Data's poem committed to memory, along with the Ode to a Small Lump of Green Putty I Found In My Armpit One Midsummer's Morning. Alas, the fatigue of parenting has eroded both to mere snippets of genius...

tiny p. elephant said...

Love the froggy!!

Hahah I love Riker falling asleep during Data's ODE TO SPOT!!!

Queen Julian XIII said...

Jen deciphers cakes:
monty python, star trek,
and lord of the rings.

Badcookie said...

You win 1000 interwebz with your Monty Python and Lord of the Rings references.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for not taking liberties with the haiku format like so many ignorant westerners.

Auto Title Loans said...

And who says that Tupac and Biggie are dead? You should really look into being a poet instead of master of finding terrible cakes. Brilliant, absolutely brilliant.


Joanna said...

I love knowing there are other people in the world who have a sense of humor nerdy enough to combine classics from science fiction, fantasy, British comedy, and Japanese poetry all in one post.

I can only sit in awe of such greatness!

Jolene said...

Hahaha! That's great! My children are doing Haiku's today for Language Arts funny stuff!

Jennifer said...

Awesome! That's what I needed before my job interview! Thanks, CakeWrecks! I'm in a great mood, laughing and ready to go! :-)

craftinqueen said...

To bunker we go
to miss controvery on
how to say orange.

wv cytorb. A cyborg's daily multi-vitamin supliment.

Lauren said...

@ Still Singing:

Maryville = Murvl :) And anyone who actually pronounces it Mary-ville will be mocked. It's taken me a while to get used to it, too.

And you're right about ornj. "Big or-ange" just doesn't sound right.


The orchestra conductor woke up to the sound of his obolarm.

pemberliegh said...

kerfuffle: For artistic reasons, I say orange can be either one or two syllables; but if you ever make it one, please spell it or'nge.

Anonymous said...

Orange - as many syllables as it takes to make your point!

Anonymous said...

Along the same lines as "orange" -- I've been saying "pile" repeatedly under my breath trying to make it one syllable.

I've failed. Am I missing something?

Ellen said...

Haiku on seeing the lonely tree cookie:

I leap with great joy
The photo I submitted
Is here on Cake Wrecks.

My feelings are mixed
Because my last initial
Is not P., it's B.


But really, I'm thrilled! To have sent a simple picture and get the reward of Jen's humor, Python and ST-TNG references as my reward is my idea of a celebration (hmmm... maybe I should go buy a big cookie with a depressing image on it, just to calm myself down).

Libby, next time I'm at that store, I'll see if I spot a Great Artist moping behind the counter.

Jiniz -- I don't remember a production of Godot in the area at that time, but, perhaps . . .

I suspect, though, that the cookie was a depressed comment on the blizzard-filled winter we were having when I took the pic.


The snow, not the art.

Craig said...

But is it really an EPCOT if no one gets all torqued and offended and stuff?

No one is taking the tone of the 'English teacher from Heck,' either. Going to the Shelter for this is like wearing a raincoat in a fine mist.

The word 'orange' always makes me think of two things: Orange Julius (yum!) and the Cars' 'Bye Bye Love'.

I asked my dog his opinion of the orange controversy, but he made no reply. He loves carrots, though.

Jen B said...

Why is there a poo waterfall on the tiana cake? I thought that was her dress?

john (the hubby of Jen) said...

Hi Ellen,

We had the picture named Ellen Practice so we could find it in our mail folder.


All fixed now.


john (the hubby of Jen) said...

Ah, Craig, but I didn't declare and Epcot. I simple declared an anticipated kerfuffle.

Totally different.

And just so we're clear, Orange is nearly exactly two syllables or less.


Unknown said...

I love the sign on the wall behind the princess? cake. You deserve the finest cake with the freshest ingredients....and a DEMENTED decorator.

Doctor Tarr said...

Those are so awesome
The poems, not the cake wrecks
The cakes kind of suck

drgns4vr said...

@ mel--there will be points deducted for no footnotes.

Several years ago at the library where I was gainfully employeed in preparation for a program on Cowboy Poetry, some of the staff wrote haiku about cattle. We called the resulting small collection Cowhide ku.

WV Daniz What the nice young man said to his date at the prom. "May I have this daniz?"

Barbara said...

I guess making a circle is hard work since it doesn't seem to be quite finished. That's probably about as well as I'd do if I tried decorating a cake. Well I could always try stick figures.

I'm not even sure if I want to know what's going on with the packing peanuts cake. It is always good to eat things when they're fresh.

elissa said...

Tiana needs the little Dutch boy to come stick his thumb in her dress. Umm... I did not just say that.

laurie pink said...

Orange is only one syllable if you pronounce it 'awnj', which is an alteration by dialect. I'd say, if you want it to be pronounced a specific way in order to fit it into a haiku, it needs to be indicated in the spelling. Hence the word "o'er" in poetry of yore, or "belov'd" in hymns.

There! I have fixed everything!

emilina said...

thumbs up for the Monty Python quote XD

Melinda said...

I made a rather wrecky cake myself yesterday, but that Tiana cake makes me feel much better!

Sharyn said...

@mel -- brilliant analysis.

In my ignorance, I thought the "Circle of Sprinkles" cake was the letter "C." Apt, because it starts the word "confused." Your post changed my life. Suddenly, everything makes sense. You have broadened my horizons, unclogged my arteries, and -- miraculously -- balanced my checkbook. (Thanks for that last one, really...) Now, my poor, misbegotten "C" is elevated. Thanks to you, "C" is for clarity.

(By the way, "doctoral dessert-ation" is a TRULY groan-worthy pun. I'm SO jealous -- I wish I'd thought of it first.)

NiteNurse said...

Note to John (HoJ)--an aside: I actually spent time this afternoon with a cat named Kerfuffle. Really. Better--and rarer--than the name Spot.


omniscience said...

8 out of 9* dictionaries agree** that orange has two syllables

* the chemical dictionary did not care to report on the subject

**they did not, however agree whether the 'r' sound was part of the first or second syllable.

Lindsay said...

-Tries to say "orange" with one syllable and fails-

Two. Certainly two.

archersangel said...

that round-ish thing on the last one; if you squint and look at it with a dirty mind, it kind of looks like um....something else.

Adele said...

The 'Eye of Sauron' cookie cake looks to me a heck of a lot more like the Eye of Jupiter, from Battlestar Galactica ( for example). Starbuck is decorating cakes now?

Lizzy Leigh said...

The Tiana cake...I love the sign right behind it saying "you deserve the finest ingredients". But not the finest in decorating apparently!

Ellen said...

@ John (hubby of Jen and ever-patient editor):

Y'know, I posted that comment, went out to work, and thought "Hmmmmm . . . did I ever *give* them my last initial or last name?"

Why, no -- no I hadn't! Your solution was clever.

I actually didn't care, I just couldn't resist the second haiku.

If I send something else in, I'll sign the email "Ellen B."

That's B.

As in Ebcot.


Anonymous said...

There will always be a special place in my heart for a certain very special android.

Loki said...

This is weird, but when I scroll down I get a message from the site saying "start below fold". Care to explain?
Also, I love this blog. It's amazing.

creeandme said...

Possibly the frog is Kermit in the opening of The Muppet Movie. Damn fish knocked the banjo out of his hand!

Anonymous said...

wv: beriedru

How exciting! Data was sitting right beriedru at the convention!

CaroleM said...

I know other people already said it but b/c it's in my head now...
"there's a frog on the bump on the log in the hole in the bottom of the sea...."
ok I'm good now. thanks!

Arlene said...

Oh man did I laugh at the Data Raps vid lol. I honestly wish there were more sprinkles on that second cake therefore my ode to sprinkles: More sprinkles or the cake gets it. Doesn't matter if it rhymes not lol.

Jude said...

"M-U-R V-U-L, Murvul, Murvul, MURVUL!!!"
Yes, my parents went to, I mean, Maryville College. :) My skin turns purple and orange in honor of them (or because I have Reynaud's, but that's a boring answer!).

"Ornj you glad you're a VOL?!" (for those from that other school nearby)

@mel, brilliant. Overwhelming. I am blinded, in awe, humbled, and enlightened. Best part, I'm about to go visit my philosophy major best friend and then my philosophy major brother. While they,, DISCUSS your theories, I will eat cake. All will be happy. :D

WV: molessup: Traditional greeting on October 23rd. "Moles'sup, dude?!"

Krantz said...

Jen and John (and all those who work for CW):

I cry with laughter,
At those wreck-a-licious cakes
And I love haiku.

That was terrible... but I tried! I tried so hard!

wv: sosemar. Those wreckers are sosemar(t).

Abby said...

Oh Em GEE! DATA! That's the best!!

Anonymous said...

@Holly- you made me laugh. Now I know you read both CW and Epbot like me. ;)

and @mel- sheer brilliance. Hats off to you.

Anonymous said...

Wow, I'm on geek overload from this week- Monty Python, the Guide, the Rings, ST:TNG...I'm too tired to keep typing all the references (which makes me a slacker, I know).

@mel- even though it sprained my brain, I stuck with you and got to the delightful dessert-ation! :D

mmm,Sonic tots.

-Barbara Anne

[okay, I say orng but, if we're really supposed to put a syllable between vowels then licious is 3 so Krantz's beautiful attempt is marred. pppppbbbbbttthhhhtttt to grammar and read them however you feel most comfortable. I have spoken.]

Amelia Antwiler said...

I just love that you used the word "Kerfuffle".

Anonymous said...

I'm calling shenanigans on the person who claimed "orange" used to be "norange."
Hilarious, but I hope you don't actually think it true.

Brandi said...

As a writer of bad haiku, a Monty Python lover, and a Trekkie.. I loved this blog the best...


Anonymous said...

Monty Python AND Lord of the rings references?

You've outdone yourself.

Jenn said...

Lord of the Rings and Monty Python and the Holy Grail references FTW! Funny enough, those two specific cakes are the ones that I can't understand the most.

Jay said...

I am having the weirdest sense of deja vu. Just minutes before opening this post I was pouring juice for the kids and wondering why on earth my husband pronounces it 'ornj' when it is clearly two syllables. Haiku rules rule.

wv: loeste - One syllable? Two? Three?

Melinda said...

My daughter had to write poetry for science on the circulatory system. We chose haiku, as it was never specified what kind of poetry it needed to be, and wrote several of them while driving to the next town to do a little shopping. We were pretty proud of our creations, and especially of this one:

infarction: as serious
As a heart attack.

BJ said...

I love your creative haikus!!!

Haiku Joy said...

Little haiku heart
Squeals over chocolate kigo.
Ah! Cakey poets!

The deep, sweet inhale:
When life-battered, Cake Wrecks is
My life's saijiki.