Monday, January 31, 2011

Oh My Stars!

Monday, January 31, 2011

As I'm sure you've all heard, there was a bit of a dust-up recently over whether or not our astrology signs have changed. Betrayal, bewilderment, boredom...there was a veritable gamut of emotions running wild.

Fortunately, CNN has since assured the world that my not being a Taurus is total bull. Whew! However, just for fun, let's take a look at these "new" signs and how they might have changed our lives forever.

Or...not.

Capricorn: Jan. 20 – Feb. 16
Capricorns are known to be obedient and dedicated. If you ask a Capricorn to do something, you can be sure it is going to get done...

...literally.

Aquarius: Feb. 16 – March 11
Aquarius is represented by water, which fits this sign's creative, "free flow" personality.

"That'll be $28.95, please."

Pisces: March 11- April 18
Pisces is an emotional yet generous sign. These selfless individuals will give until it hurts.

Or until they run out of room.

Aries: April 18 - May 13
Much like their symbol the ram, Aries are fearless creatures. They forge boldly ahead, letting no man, beast...

...or periwinkle border stand in their way.

Taurus: May 13- June 21
Taurus is a sign that never backs down. This stubborn bull will stand her ground through all of life's challenges.

"Look, the writing on the order form says 'Blinday.' END OF STORY."

Gemini: June 21 - July 20
Gemini is often of two minds, waiting to make a choice until the very last minute.

When it's over she'll know if she can write "happy" or not.

Cancer: July 20 - Aug. 10
Cancers are rooted in the past, home and hearth. You can trust a Cancer to feed you, mother you, clean you, feed you, love you...

...and feed you.

And then maybe eat you.

Leo: Aug. 10- Sept. 16
Leos are very ambitious - shooting for the stars, taking on large projects, and sometimes getting in over their heads.

Or King Tut's, as the case may be.

Virgo: Sept. 16 - Oct. 30
You can always count on the reliable Virgo to deliver steady, consistent results.

This is more of a virtue if they know how to spell.

Libra: Oct. 30- Nov. 23
Libra has a clear sense of right and wrong, and is always a fair and impartial judge. However, Libra also craves communication and loves an opportunity to prove her intelligence.

Yes, thank you, Libra.

Scorpio: Nov. 23- Nov. 29
Sharp-shooter Scorpio has no problem telling it like it is. Scorpio is honest, direct, and lays everything out in black and white.

Scorpio is usually free most Saturday nights.

Sagittarius: Dec. 17- Jan. 20
Nothing can slow down a carefree Sagittarius. Her spontaneity and drive keep things fun and interesting:

...and also covered in SPRINKLES!!! Wheeee!

Wreckiuchus: Nov. 29- Dec. 17
Wreckiuchus likes to hide in plain sight, often going years before revealing himself to those closest to him.
Some skeptics say Wreckiuchus doesn't actually exist, but if you cross your eyes and stare really hard, we think you'll get the message.

The message being that you look pretty silly with your eyes crossed, of course.


Thanks to Kailee M., Sarah C., Maggie B., Jinglei, Aaron, Jordan F., Niloufer R., Anony M., Heather & Mikki, Katie O., Elizabeth, Stina, & Valerie M., who should all look before they leap, take advantage of sudden windfalls, and explore new opportunities today. And then maybe buy their favorite bloggers a snack. (We like Bugles.)
The Boob Nazi said...

hahahaha this was great. I'm glad I haven't changed from being a Scorpio. It describes me so much better than a Libra. ugh.

Catstina said...

I almost commented that you had the dates wrong on the Zodiacs, then I went back and reread it... Very clever!


WV:Viract-Apparently sometimes I o-viract!

Susie said...

Also ... do you suppose that overstuffed baby was REALLY named Petter?

Anonymous said...

I'm that new wrecky sign, which is so appropriate. I can't decorate cakes to save my life, I have eye problems, and I am a rather private person.

I'm also clumsy, so I do wreck things by accident.


Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!

Tara said...

When, oh when, is it appropriate to stick a doll head and arms on a cake???

mimiheart said...

I apparently have two signs. I now get to show off my intelligence to you as a Libra with the no-holds-barred black-and-white delivery of a Scorpio. This could be fun. Of course, if you combine this with my original sign of "I like sprinkles" Sagitarius, there could be much hilarity in site.

Anonymous said...

actually, Susie, *maybe*...the style of the date (both the lettering and the period between the dates) is a pretty big sign that this is a European cake...so yeah, the kid's name might just be Petter.

It also means that the kiddo in question was born on February 7, not July 2.

Loo-E Loo-I said...

Great post! LOL!

Yeah, everyone in my family is astrologically screwed up now. I don't know who I am anymore *sob*sob*

I was a Leo and now I'm on the cusp of Cancer. So, I guess now I'm very ambitious and shoot for the stars when I feed, mother, clean, feed, love, and feed my children. Then I get in over my head when I eat them.

That Virgo must have carved potatoes instead of pumpkins for Halloween.


wv: fronsts: Frosting fonts.

Athene said...

Haha! I love them. My mom's birthday often falls on Mother's Day, so the 'Gemini' cake is actually rather appropriate for her. The Cancer baby cake is frightening, though. Yikes!

SDLantos said...

This is one of my all-time favorite posts... GO PISCES!!! YAY!!!!

w/v: ampliy - I wouldn't want to ampliy that those cakes are wrecktastic, but they are!

Karen Valinda said...

So I was taken more by my first knowledge of the new dates- Thank you Cakewrecks for educating me!- than the wrecks, initially.
If you knew my Scorpio mom and were trying to imagine her as a Libra, you would understand.
I was worried about the date gap and THEN saw the new "sign" and had to laugh, my dad the cake decorator (Wiltons ala the 70's) lands smack in the middle. Very Nice. Now I want to make the cake pictured here for his next birthday

Tricia L said...

Gosh, the Scorpio one is so right on. Thanks for a hearty laugh. I'm saving that photo to email to "friends" on their own blinday's.

I believe the last one was done by a new wreckerator who has had too much experience removing graffiti from walls at school during detention. (If you don't know what I'm talking about, go back and look at the sides of the cake. Squint if necessary.)

Anonymous said...

the last cake might make you cross eyed but it says or almost says happy on the side.

Sharyn from Superior said...

I just thought of a slogan for the bakery that made the "Cancer" cake: "Everything's better with a big slice of Petter!"

Now, about the potential astrological shake-up. Let's all take a deeeeeeeep cleansing breath and balance our chakras -- or our checkbooks, or whatever... Chances are your sign didn't change -- some articles say it only applies if you're born in 2009 or after, others say it doesn't alter western astrology, others say the stars are a guideline, but solstices and other stuff really set the dates. (Thank you, Google.)

I think the new sign is an opportunity to pick and choose which horoscope you want to believe today. If your "old" sign suggests you're about to be hit with an asteroid/plague of locusts/amoebic dysentary and the "new" horoscope suggests an upcoming lotto win, I know which one I'd go with. As I stayed a Leo in both the old and the new system, I'm stuck looking for asteroids -- or Cake Wrecks falling from the sky, which could only improve these cakes. Yikes!

Momcat said...

I am a Taurus and I love being a Taurus and if they try to make me an Aries I'm just going to change my blimday. So there.
WV: Scend. I'll scend you a picture of my blimday cake!

zombiekim said...

Astrology is my cupcake-cake. *ptooie!* Except not, since cupcake-cakes are actual, real things...
Anyway, that Sphinx cake is TERRIFYING. Oh mah gawd.

Anonymous said...

points to "Capricorn" for some really lovely lettering work. :)

Aliza said...

I don't really follow horoscopes, but I have to confess that I'm not happy going from a Capricorn to a Sagittarius. I went from a sign that suits to one that doesn't!

That said... yup, love the Capricorn cake.

It's sad that I can look at the Aquarius cake and think "that's not so bad" because I've so much worse here!

I bet that Pisces cake made some kid VERY happy. And the parents saved on birthday gifts

Taurus: Nice lettering, but why is there a second border? And it's hard to tell if that's "blinday" or "blirday". Given the pinkish tones of the top of the cake, it looks like it's already been scraped and redone, so they could've redone it again

Cancer: I know there's concerns about childhood obesity, but that's getting ridiculous! (And isn't that Feb 7? So why is it in July? Nevermind)

Virgo: what is a "happy october" anyway? At least the cakes look nice even if they don't make sense

Libra: i think they judged the other cakes horrendous, and opted for this show of good taste (choc dipped strawberries!)

Scorpio: ROFLMAO! **LOVE** this one! I so have to use this on a friend for their next birthday!

Sagittarius: Sometimes, sprinkles are not a plus!

Wreckiuchus: It looks like the airbrush imitated a hose flinging itself around. It managed to write a word to express it's joy at being let free to romp madly

dorothywillis said...

"This stubborn bull will stand her ground . . ." Have they changed the sex of bulls too?

Alisha said...

Have you tried the new caramel Bugles? They will be my undoing. Mmmmm.

mladybright said...

Petter? Peter? Eh?

lol - at Scorpio being only 6 days, so the "happy" new sign of Wreckiuchus could make its debut!! Kudos!!

I'm glad I'm still a Pisces no matter what the wackos say. That said, I'll give something... Send me your address, I'll send Bugles. Once I get them off my fingers. They make lovely nails.

I rather like the happy birthday with all the sprinkles. My husband would be overthemoon to get such a cake. I'll have to remember that next January. Tahnk you for inspiration!

~~Di

Anonymous said...

My astrologer assures me that this sign-changing nonsense is just an astronomer trying to make himself important. That having been said, the descriptions of the signs were very accurate. Nice to know you folks have a good solid knowledge of the subject matter! Alkmic, y'all!

Fluffy Cow said...

"And then maybe eat you"
HA HA HA HA HA!!

*sigh*
I'm STILL a flotsam covered Pisces.

Layne said...

Hee hee, "blinday" reminded me of the recent 30 Rock episode where Ken, Jenna and Kelsey Grammer were scamming the ice cream store!

len said...

I've barely come to terms with being labeled a Libra, there's no way I'm going to accept being a Virgo. There just has to be a better horoscope system, perhaps a dessert based one. Being born in late September, I would most likely be a slice of warmed-up apple pie, though sometimes I'd envy October and their pumpkin roll with cream cheese filling.

MommaDuck said...

I too am a Taurus and always will be. I am not an Aries. I'm a bull by golly!

Anonymous said...

I love the ellipsis on the "Grooms Cake". So unnecessary and weird.

The corpulent baby is also pretty spectacular.

--kate

Anonymous said...

I see Snow White isn't just lolling about eating bon bons now that she is married to Prince Charming. She went out and got a job as a traffic cop.

Polly said...

The roses on the birthday/mother's day cake are perfect!

My BF thinks fat babies are adorable, but changed his mind when I showed him the baby cake.

cq75 said...

Even though the periwinkle boarder did not stop them... at least the Wreckerator spelled "Congratulations" correctly. That's an accomplishment.

As for Octuber... I feel almost like I need to pull out the crock pot and make stew. Or go start a round of chemo. Not quite sure yet.

WV: hylog What wreckerators imbibe before attacking random cakes with an airbrush.

hollyml said...

"Octuber" isn't misspelled. Those cakes were obviously presented in celebration of the birthday of a potato with eight arms.

Kelly aka STITCHNMOMMA said...

Love the Gemini cake and I think my Mom would appreciate it. Her birthday is close to Mother's Day, so we've been known to do a combined celebration...lol!

Jenni said...

Babycake... you got the creepiest little babycake...

Rachel said...

Hahahha. That baby cake reminded me of the movie Seven with Brad Pitt.


"What's in the baaaaaaax????" an overstuffed baby cake! oh god whhhhhyyyyyyy?????

pikkewyntjie said...

Petter's not fat! He just needs his diaper changed, really, really badly!

Anonymous said...

Oh, well, poo. I like being a Scorpio, sharp and direct. With 'the change' to Libra, I'm now Judge Judy. ('cept without the robes and the TV show)

Kerry said...

The baby cake looks like Mr. Creosote's love child!

Waffer thin mint?!

Esty said...

Speaking as a former Libra and newly minted Virgo (ugh) I kan spel much betre than that.

Craig said...

Capricorn: This one has it all: attractive cake, passable icing penmanship, "extraneous quotes" AND it's literal! What's not to like?

Aquarius: $28.95? I think Aerosmith said it best when they sang, "Dream on, dream on..."

Pisces: How is Snow White supposed to ride that bike in a long skirt? The dwarves can get a lot more mining done with their new truck, though. It's always nice to see classic stories updated.

Aries: I'm pretty sure 'congratulations' (oh, the irony of correct spelling under such circumstances) is written in marker on the cover. This might win the labor-saving award for 2011.

Taurus: Blinday, already? Where does the time go -- I haven't made out cards or anything. Maybe it's supposed to be Blingday, and the recipient was about to score some major ice.

Gemini: I think the conjunction of 'birthday' and 'Mother's (or Father's) day' has to be the holiday ripoff to top them all. I would vote to move the birthday celebration so that each gets its due.

Cancer: (If ever there was a sign that needed a different name...) "We join this delivery, already in progress. The baby is pre-dressed to protect sensitive viewers."

Yes, 'Petter' is a name. No, I don't know why or what it means, I just know that I have heard of people being called that. Perhaps this child is destined to become a veterinarian. Or a breeder. Before that, very 'popular' in school.

Leo: Ya learn something new every day -- so Tut wore specs! Or else he was an early incarnation of Harry Potter...

Virgo: If my birthday was in Octuber, I know either of these cakes would make me feel downright special. "If we're all special, that's the same as saying no one is." -- Dash

Libra: Yes, clearly labeling things is important. Why do I think this reception featured assigned seating and name tags.

Scorpio: If Scorpios had Libra's clarity of communication, this cake would read, "Don't invite me to another party of yours ever again."

Saggitarius: The theme of this cake is, "Some joker loosened the top on the sprinkles container. Hardy har har har."

Wreckiuchus: Pronounced: 'Wrecky-yuck-us.' Wreckerators born under this sign are really into subliminal messages. They also get really happy when they get a new toy, er, tool, such as an airbrush. Also inordinately fond of the color pink.

SoupAddict said...

On the first cake, it looks like they attempted to fix - or do something to - the printing on the word "Write."

"Does dat belong der?" "Dunno. Lemme see what da cake looks like wi'doudit." "Nah, put it back."

Chocolatier said...

My mom's a Cancer...I'm kind of scared now.

Fysh Phoenix-- said...

Bravo! A theme carried-through to its logical conclusion.

...*squints*...

...happy?

...just happy, in pink? Well, not LITERALLY happy in pink...

The word verification is "clingla"; that's funny because I am tired.

Jenny said...

Interesting astrology related cakes.

Catstina said...

My goodness people, read the article linked in this post. Your signs did not change if you follow the Western Zodiac, which most (if not all) of you do. You are still what you thought you are.

Anonymous said...

The Octuber cake, maybe someone celebrating a possible world record? http://www.worldamazingrecords.com/2010/09/world-biggest-potato-set-world-records.html

wv: yessoid = otherwise known as an unfilterd, unprotected, unsecure computer system

WashingtonPharmGirl said...

I am glad to be a gemini. I just eat two cakes. One for me and one for my twin out there somewhere. Yum!

Anonymous said...

I am a Libra by the standard system, and a Virgo by the Wrecky system. Either way, all of these cakes are HILARIOUS.

-Jacob

wv: bevers. These cakes look like they were decorated by bevers.

Anonymous said...

I'm just like my Dad, a typical Virgo. Virginal or vaginal! 100 million people a day, perfectionist? actor, clown and all round Hard! Working! BUSY BODY! LOL! Oh yeah, and in the chinese year I am a RAT!

Can I please have a complementary copy of little cake wrecks! mailed to me in the post! With no pages stuck together! LOL!

Anonymous said...

I can't be the only one disappointed that the Scorpio cake didn't have 8 o's

SuBee said...

Tomorrow's my Blinday! I want a cake with princesses and dinosaurs, but I'm afraid all I'm going to get is "You are sooooooooooo old."
Sigh...

Jabby said...

As a Sagittarius, I totally agree with the sprinkle cake! Mounds of sprinkles make me go squee inside! Even if I fear my teeth hurting from all the sugar after actually eating a overly-sprinkleful cake

KIrstie said...

Hey Jen and John!
I live in England with my husband and was just channel surfing a few minutes ago when I caught some talk show with Kate Hudson (whom I love!) laughing over something. I paused briefly to see what it was, and Lo and Behold they were talking about the cake wrecks book! They showed at least 5 or 6 cake pictures including the classic Carrot Jockeys. Maybe you knew, but in case you didn't it's called the Graham Norton show, and all three guests, as well as the host himself were raving about it! At the end, Kate even asked if she could keep it! =)
I was so excited that they liked it, and it's not even my book, lol! Just thought i'd let you know!
Hope you're having a great night.
Kind Regards,
Kirstie

Anonymous said...

This relates to yesterday's Sunday sweets, Cute Cthhulu cake. Reminded me of this youtube video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FOHJUrcVdJk&feature=player_detailpage

If that doesnt link, just search for "Lil' Cthulu"

Melissa said...

"And then maybe eat you"
HA!! Loved it :D

MissNay said...

*gag* no Bugles! Pirates Booty is the way to go. Or Pop chips Barbecue flavor.
The sprinkle cake was flippin awesome.

Katie said...

Best entry yet. Oh my gosh, that made me laugh SO hard.

Craig said...

@Kerry -- LOL! I was going to go for something like "Dune: The Early Years," but wasn't sure I had the right story; I was thinking of that movie where humans have 'evolved' into something resembling giant worms that float just above the ground (yes, there really is such a story; it wasn't a dream). Anyway, I should have been thinking 'Python' instead. That kid definitely needs a bucket.

By the way, Bugles rule. But not when jammed into the top of a cupcake.

Donna said...

My August 24th birthday will always be Virgo...King Tut's head be damned!

Tricia L said...

Emailed the Scorpio cake to a friend who is celebrating her 52nd birthday today. She email back "LOL". Of course, she was out of town today and couldn't slash my tires.

Sarah said...

Okay, I know I'm being annoying, but you know a "gamut" is something that you run, not somthing that runs, right?

However, the mix up lead to this sill phrase running around in my head. "In Solviet Russia, gamut runs you."
You have to do it in your worst Russian accent, it's better that way.

Anonymous said...

"When it's over she'll know if she can write "happy" or not."

yes, peed on myself laughing. thanks ever so much.

-Barbara Anne

Arlene said...

Hmm so if I just toss a gazillion sprinkles on a cake it will turn out beautiful? Lol love the Taurus horoscope. Fitting since I am one. And yup I would just dare anyone to try and say I made the cake wrong. Hilarious cakes today.

Carrietastic said...

Wowee wow. My guess is this was a hard entry to put together, but SO worth it. Thanks for the yuks, as always!

Fatima said...

Firstly, I LOVE your blog and also LOVE all your charity work and initiatives that you do.

I had such a fun time laughing at this post, was really great, Thank You!!

s said...

Awesome! I'm a wreckiuchus! (wreck for short?)

Anonymous said...

Good god these cakes-the mind boggles O_o, as for the astrology signs-they are crap, and they always have been

Bell said...

Didn't like it the Aquarius one D:

first of all it's a air sign, not a water sing..

All the others are gr8, though!

(sorry about the crappy english, brazilian girl here)

RepubAnon said...

Maybe the "Octuber" cake was for the 8-potato version of the Octomom?

Norwegian said...

Hilarious post, thanks a lot!

Since I'm Norwegian, I thought, I'd comment on the cancer cake. (Now, there's two words I never expected to see together!) Petter is a Norwegian name, it's got the same root as Peter (as some commenters cleverly observed), the greek name Petros.

The baby is probably not born on 7th feb., though, as Norwegians (silly people!) don't normally celebrate birth with cake. The date on the cake is more likely to be his baptism day.

Anonymous said...

#1: I don't know if the wreckerator is Kailee, or the birthday recipient. Was the order form Write "Happy Birthday" Kailee!! Or write "Happy Birthday Kailee"!! since there are no quotes on the cake, I'm assuming that's where all the trouble started...come to think of it, maybe that's why there's quotes on cakes in the first place. someone put the instructions in quotes and wreckerators transcribe exactly what they see, misspellings, bad handwriting and all perhaps.

*squints* wait, there ARE quotes on the cake! smooshed in with all the lovely handwriting. I think Kailee is the wreckerator and the double quotes exclamation points were from her angry boss.

#2: the bakery trainee discovers the airbrush gun. slap an Ariel or Nemo figurine on there and voila!

#3: what did they do, clean out the toybox? How do Lightning McQueen, Spiderman, the Hulk, trucks, motorocyles and Snow White with dwarfs et al. belong on the same cake??

#4: classic. curling ribbon, a crooked border, a misaligned Congratulations crawling over the border. at least it's spelled right.

#5: is this foreshadowing of the vajazzled vajajay in the 2/1/11 post? Happy "Blingday" perhaps? are they having a Tajazzle party?

#6: Birthday, Mother's Day, eh. An argument can be made that someone's birthday is the day that made their mother a mother (officially). but why isn't it "happy"?

#7: OMG call DYFS! someone is overfeeding that kid! it's grown to monstrous proportions! (and why am I know thinking of "Fat Bastard?")

#8: looks like something from my first grader's art project during the Egypt segment.

#9: aha! this bakery must be near an office zone for two Octuber birthday cakes to be ordered. Unless...it's the same office, two years in a row, with the same clueless wreckerator who never learned to spell. or look at a calendar. how. sad. I like the swirls.

#10: Captain Obvious strikes again! or maybe it's Not-So-Obvious that's a groom's cake. I mean, where's the fish? the decapitated deer head? the car? a Groom's Cake for the groom with no hobbies. or a bridezilla's new spouse who doesn't want to give him anything "tacky" for her big day

#11 mesmerizes me with those swirls. it's like an insulting crystal ball or something.

#12: I wonder how that's spelled. can't tell under the sprinkles.

#13: is that the zodiac for the 13th constellation rejected by the Babylonians? The irony as the wreckerator attacks the cake with an airbrush gun spelling "happy"

Selky said...

As an astrologist I thought I'd comment. I was surprised that no one pointed this out yet, but Aquarius isn't represented by water. Aquarius is an air sign. The symbol is called "The water bearer" but its represented by air.
Also, the astrology change thing is nonsense. I actually feel super sorry for the poor astronomer because his words were taken out of context. What he was trying to explain was that it used to be when you looked up in the sky during the time of Libra you would see the libra constalation. Because of the change of the earths movement away from the constelations this means that now you won't see libra when you look up. What he meant was that astrologers always say things like "This is the time of the Sagitarius, during this time of year you see the archer in the sky" etc. which is now incorrect. Japanese astrologists have always adjusted their charts to this movement, however all other astrologist don't because of the placement of the other planets when you were born.
Kinda confusing, but anyways....
Great post!

Anonymous said...

i think your dates are wrong. my burthday is at the end of march and im an aries

ViolaNut said...

Meh. I'm still a Pisces, no matter what rubbish they come up with. ;-) Sun, moon, AND rising sign, no less (I was born during a total solar eclipse). I wouldn't wreck a cake that badly though (I do actually have enough self-awareness to understand that I have no decorating ability whatsoever. ;-) ).

B-Jo said...

this was AWESOME!!! And as far as I am concerned, I am far too Aquarian to change now... combine that with my Chinese Animal the dragon, and well, you have a recipe for a potential wreckorator...

RedHead said...

I'm a Sagittarius and I WANT SPRINKLES!

I also manage to be that new sign that no-one's heard of. Yay for awesome birth-dates.

Doris Sudduth said...

Thanks, guys! I needed a good laugh and was browsing what I've missed.

... :D

Anonymous said...

I think you really nailed the Scorpio personality. I am flattered.
-Olivia

BethanyB said...

I would so buy the Scorpio cake. Hilarious!

Anonymous said...

I am also sad that the Scorpio cake has 10 o's instead of 8. That would've eaaaaaaaasily made it one of the most amazing wrecks!

So worry not, other anon, for you are not alone in your disappointment.