Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Sick as a Dog

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

We've learned from a recent survey that 76% of our readers get their news exclusively from Cake Wrecks and the Fun Facts on the underside of Snapple lids. So today, in Part 12 of our medical news series, "Congrats! You're Contagious!," we'll be teaching you how to recognize an onset of Rectal Arthritic Bubonic Inner Ear Scurvy (aka "R.A.B.I.E.S.") in your furry friend.

Stage 1: Upon initial infection, your dog may show unusual signs of perkiness and energy.

Sparky may even rummage through your holiday scrunchie drawer and attempt to accessorize.

Stage 2: Several minutes after becoming infected, your dog may appear nervous or scared.

Hiding behind word-shaped shrubbery is common.

Stage VII: R.A.B.I.E.S. will cause Munchkin's eyes to water and turn a slightly pinkish hue:

Also known as the "Tammy Faye Baker Phase."

Stage 6: Foaming at the mouth:

After eating poo.

Stage 6: Lashing out with erratic behavior.

Also known as the "Your Kid's Gonna Need Therapy" phase.

Stage F: Dry, patchy skin.

Accompanied by KISS makeup and a wang beard.

Stage 9: Inexplicable weight gain.

And loss of limbs and neck.

So be sure to keep an eye out for any signs that your little Gnarls Barkley may be infected. After all, you don't want to experience the final phase of the R.A.B.I.E.S. virus:

Total protonic reversal.

Yeah. That's bad.


Thanks to Megan, Anna M., Katy P., Angela L., Jason, Stephanie A., Ashley J., Tiffany H., and Alexander B. Now stay tuned for parts 13 and 14 in our medical series: "Lady Lumps," and "Chlamydi-huh?"
The Boob Nazi said...

The pinkish-hue eyes dog is reeeaaally scary. It reminds me of Bunnicula.

Oldish Lady said...

OK, how many people on here actually remember Tammy Faye?

Hysterical. Great way to start the day.

Trevor said...

Those poor dogs. This makes me happy not to have one. I'd hate for him to catch this!

SuBee said...

I hate when that happens.

jebus llama said...

"Hiding behind word-shaped shrubbery is common" haha! Geez that one was terrifying...it definitely looked like it was going to leap off the plate and eat anyone who tried to eat it!

David L Rattigan said...

You know I just tried posting this to Facebook and couldn't because it said it was content that had been previously marked as spammy. Had to fill in a form to report it as non-spam. Is that a Facebook-wide problem? Or is that to do with my own settings?

Stella said...

HA HA. The fourth pup looked kinda cute until I read the poo part. yeesh!

@ Oldish Lady, yes, I remember Tammy Faye >>shudder<<

David L Rattigan said...

Hmm. Wouldn't post using the "share" feature, but managed to post the link fine directly to my wall. Ah well.

Sharon said...

"Tammy Faye Baker Phase"-love it!

Wuh? No mention of Cujo?

Sharon's Edible Art

ASterling said...

These weren't up to your quality, but still funny . . . now I want to know how to take the best cake pictures!

http://asterling.typepad.com/incipit_vita_nova/2011/01/amateur-cake-wrecks.html

Anonymous said...

Were stages 3, 4, 5, 8 and A-E too horrific to share? ;-)

Anonymous said...

I love the erratic numbering of stages, and the descriptions of the symptoms. Hilarious!

My name is Michelle. said...

That tongue was WAY too realistic on the stage 6 cake. Ew.

Anonymous said...

Aaaarrrgggghhh!! That one with the teeth! It's not even fully canine!! The eyes!! My Eyes!! Aarrggghh!!

Kay said...

Wow - a Tammy Faye doggie. ~shudder~ It is comforting to know, though, that I'm not the only one who remembers her.

WV: rabutles - What's left after the final phase of R.A.B.I.E.S.

Fluffy Cow said...

*giggling*
Number 2 reminds me of the drawings from Hyperbole and a half.

Christy said...

My 4-year-old daughter was watching over my shoulder as I read this. She is obsessed with dogs, and was excited at first. When I got to the Gene-Simmons-esque cake, I heard her say, "Mommy, is that a doggy cake or a piggy cake?"
When I got to the last one, she said, "That one is a potatopus."

CK said...

We recenly lost our family dog, a 17-year-old Bichon Frise. As he got older, the enzymes in his saliva caused the fur around his mouth to turn brown. "Stage 6: Foaming at the Mouth" looks EXACTLY like my old friend!

Although, if I were going to order a cake of his face, I wouldn't have ordered it with brown fur. Cause you know, it looks like poop...

Gween said...

Any post that finds a way to combine Tammy Faye and important safety tips from Egon, is a +20 in my book.

Melissa said...

You guys crack me up everymorning.
I love this blog.
You're so witty.
I'm sure you hear that all the tiem though.
This post had me laughing so loud the neighbours came to the door.

Melanie said...

Haha! I liked reading this on my Google Reader because the ad at the end of the post was a Banfield free pet exam ad.

Mary Connealy said...

I'm sure you've heard this before, but you guys are really, genuinely FUNNY.

:)

LeftWingLock said...

At least the dog in the Inexplicable Weight Gain stage looks happy...none of the others do.

And add me to the Tammy Faye list. I remember though I have tried to forget.

Anonymous said...

Wang Beard. Bahahaha.

Anonymous said...

It's a good day when I read a Ghostbusters reference. :)

Excellent post, as usual.

Dani said...

Actually I kinda like the fourth one down. Maybe 'cause I'm getting used to seeing totaly ruined cakes on here. I can at least tell what it's supposed to be....or it could be 'cause it looks a bit like the dog my husband had when we met and I loved her.

NiteNurse said...

Totally disturbing cakes+excellent commentary. Nice goin' Assistant--Number 1. BTW-- how many total possible posters/moderators does CW have? Obviously there's Jen; John, husband of Jen; you (are you a friend and/or relative of theirs?)---but are there any other associates?



Sadly, I can remember both Tammy Fay and Cujo. That was a fun sentence to write.

Terrell

Anonymous said...

On the second cake it looks like there is some sort of template/base (very shiny)over the cake that the decorator just piped frosting into (the grooves). Am I the only one that sees that?

Kelly's Korner said...

OH man, that post was ruff!! Haha! "Oldish Lady" may not believe this, but we were JUST talking about Tammy Faye last night at dinner! I don't remember why but it definitely involved makeup.

Jennifer said...

I have tears running down my eyes... Definitely one of the best!

And, once again, my 2 year old looks at these wrecks and proclaims "CAKE! CAKE! CAKE!" ... She frightens me.

Anonymous said...

The cake with the weight gain looks like either a sloth or a Wampa Ice Creature on happy pills.

WV: maulers. Need I even MAKE a joke here?

Tom said...

I don't exactly know why, but it's the dog cakes that LITERALLY have me laughing so hard I have tears streaming down my face! Thank you for the laughs!

Tracy A said...

Timely Tammy Faye reference. Their son's autobiography was featured on MSNBC yesterday. Looks to be a good read.

Cakes are scary.

WV: Phing--all through the post I kept asking "What is that phing?"

Elizabeth said...

My 2-year-old responded, "oh, puupy dog" to every picture until we got to the end and she responded, "what that mommy?"

Alison said...

Stage 6 was almost a cute cake until it went all feral and bitey.

Anonymous said...

Love the scary dog cakes...btw, it is Tammy Faye Bakker, with two "k"s.

I ran into her once here in Charlotte at Burlington coat factory. She was tee-tiny and told me she really thought the better deals were at Ross.

Danger Boy said...

I think stage 9 is actually a 3 toed sloth.

Pup Fan said...

Bunnicula! I'm suddenly back in third grade. I may just stay there for a while.

JamesterCK said...

I was giggling quietly to myself until "wang beard". Then I completely lost it! Still laughing about it...husband is looking at me like I'm crazy. Thanks for the good laugh today!!!

Adorably Dead said...

At first I thought stage 6 dog was really cute, then I realized it had a mouth full of needle sharp teeth. Now I'm scared.

BADKarma! said...

"Total protonic reversal"... **spewing coffee all over my monitor**

Jeeze... Thanks, guys!

Aliza said...

A giggle-worthy post, as usual! Although, as a dog person, I'm offended that people would even *think* to associate these wrecks with dogs. Dogs deserve much better. Maybe these are cats? (evil cackle!)

@OldishLady-- add me to the list of those who remember.

Numbering-- 1, 2, 7 (VII), 6, 6, F, 9, final.... O.o, you've been staring at photos of too many wrecks. Step away from the computer :)

#1 at least looks happy. I want some of whatever it's on!

#6 is horrific... and thoroughly unappetizing.

#7 the bloating has turned it green-tinged?

#8 bright pink and eyes falling out of the head. Yeah, that's what I'd bring to a dog lover

Amanda said...

The white poodle licking its mouth would be kind of cute if it didn't look like it had an eye infection.

Craig said...

#1 No one names their dog 'Cupcake'? This could be why.

#2 shows the importance of planning ahe.

Happy Rirthday (?)...well, you know who you are, even if anyone else wouldn't. Remember, it's the thought that counts. Not the best argument to make here? Well, ya got me there.

#3-8 Oy.

wv: loroc A candidate for the name of the recipient of #2 (it's even in the same shade of green).

Jen said...

@ David L - thanks for letting us know about the FB glitch, David! We had that happen once over a year ago, so we'll keep an eye on it.

@NiteNurse - It's just the 3 of us (me, John, & #1) writing over here. We also have Wrecksistant and Wrecky Minion who help with e-mail, but those two lovely ladies don't actually post anything on the blog.

Eli said...

I was literally laughing out loud throughout! Wonderful!

Cheri said...

Thanks Number 1! This one really had me giggling.

Anonymous said...

""When I got to the last one, she said, "That one is a potatopus.""

I am so glad for 4 year olds, cause my first thought when I looked at that one was "What is that?" I think she hit the nail on the head, it is a potatopus! :) Love it!!!!

Ms Dreamer said...

Ok, the total protonic reversal just made my crap day so much better. :)

Laura said...

I literally had to close the page and come back to it after I'd finished eating. Of all the horrid cakes you've featured, these are the ones that made me gag! :)

The Beaudoins said...

"Kiss makeup and a wang beard."

biggest LOL of my month. thank you!

collectonian said...

David: apparently it is a Facebook wide issue as I had the same problem when I tried to do the share. I noted that they were blocking a popular and well loved blog, that produced a NYT Best Selling book :-P

CarynSKA said...

You have shown me yet again that it is a BAD IDEA to read Cake Wrecks during class. I'm cracking up in the back row and my professor is very confused.C

Claudia said...

Protonic reversal = "the fluid consistency of snot"

Yeah, that IS bad!

Wibesh said...

This blog is amazing, the dog cake look so yummy on the one side, on the other it would be ashame to wreck suck a beautiful thing....

Pauline said...

I don't think the Tammy Faye Baker cake is Tammy. I think it's an OOKPIK (look that up from the 70's)

Brenda said...

The 2nd Stage 6 dog (the one being held up in a car) is actually pretty good. The tongue is very realistic and the rest of it isn't bad. The photo is from a bad angle so you can't see the added dimension of the snout. I didn't make this cake or anything, the tongue caught my eye so I had to look closer.

Anonymous said...

Ah, there' nothing so cheery as a canine corpse cake.

Anonymous said...

Why, why, why, oh why would someone want a cake in the shape of their beloved pet? Eating a pet like cake seems pretty sick to me. Of course, these poor "dogs" might be a little safer. But still, couldn't those wreckers do better by man's best friend?
I'm just glad my daughter didn't see the potatopus cake, she would want one as a pet- after all it is pink.

Nick said...

They are amazing cakes!

Barbara said...

Stage 6 just might give me nightmares. As for Stage 7 sadly I'm suffering a little bit of that right now but not as bad as that poor pooch.

Micalah said...

They don't even look like dogs! :)

Lauren Helen said...

Oh, no! Total protonic reversal! When we watched A Very Potter Musical, I was probably the only one of my friends that knew that total protonic reversal was a reference to Ghostbusters :)

Alma said...

You can add me to the list of those who remember Tammy Faye and that HAS to be her dog!

plus I love the 6, F, 9 numbering! This blog always makes my day better :)

Marnie said...

Aww, now I thought stage 6 was kinda cute.

Anonymous said...

My face, looking at these cakes

D: D:

Koli said...

no sleep for me tonight

Anonymous said...

"wang beard"

O.M.G.
can't breath for laughing!!!!

-Barbara Anne

Anonymous said...

Anonymous (January 19, 2011 5:08 PM) said...
"Ah, there' nothing so cheery as a canine corpse cake."

LOL! Canine Corpse Cake, the new CCC!

Mousse Cakes said...

Yet another fantastic post! These cakes look amazing!! You really inspire me!

Rita said...

My dog's name is Sparky, and he probably would rummage through my accessory drawer. Though he probably would just eat the scrunchie (if I had one - i haven't had a scrunchie since the early 90's)...

Arlene said...

Oh those poor little..er cake things. Dogs you say? I see only scary critters that want to eat me lol.

Anonymous said...

The second to last cake sorta reminds me of our Shi Tzu, Biscuit. But, you know, BEFORE his yucky liver disease. And his passing on to a greater place. And he was white and yellow. And had his neck and legs. and he wasn't immensly obese.
[:(]
-B

The Black Dog said...

Eating poo, wang beard, and total protonic reversal? Another home run today!

Though I will now have to watch my dogs to make sure it doesn't happen.

Angie said...

The white dog with brown on the muzzle and around the eyes looks very much like my Bichon Frise. Tear staining and some staining around the mouth that turns the fur a brownish color is actually very normal for the breed. I actually think the cake is fairly well done, knowing an loving a dog that looks like that ;).

Anonymous said...

76% of your readers get their news from Cake Wrecks? Statistics are easier if you make them up as you go!!!!!

Ruthie said...

The haunted look in the eyes of the second one will stay with me a long time

aimee said...

Are these from the rare breed Wrecksican Sprinkleless?

Random Acts of Douchebaggery said...

Between the random Barenaked Ladies reference and the spot-on cat dialect, this is my favorite post you've done in a while. Thanks!

Tracy, said...

Just frickin' awesome, guys! You posted these on our Matriarch Dog's 13th bday! For which the whole pack shared a white cake, white frosting + coconut cake! Yes! Seriously! What?!! - if we bought her a dog cake we wouldn't get any cake. What kind of bday party is that?!
So HAPPY BIRTHDAY again to our new teenager, Jubilee and off I go to swipe the last piece of cake before MY Jen gets home... NOM NOM NOM....

Clumber, and you ain't seen a hyper dog until you've seen a whitecake + frosting dog!

Amanda said...

I had a really stressful day, and this made me put it out of mind. You guys are the best, as always. Thanks

Anonymous said...

I believe the Wang Beard is actually a Wang Tongue. And now I can't get "Every body have fun tonight; every body wang tongue tonight" out of my head. Curses!

- Kate

Shawnette said...

HaveN'T you always wanted a mon-KEY?? BNL and Ghostbusters in the same post...way to make a lousy morning better.

Karen said...

kiss makeup and a wang beard - I am dying, hahahaaaaa!!!

Anonymous said...

Anyone notice how many times the baker had to croos out and restart the name s/he was on the second cake? I guess that they tried to cover it up with the lie, "It's grass".
-B

Anonymous said...

oh...ohgod... i was laughing so hard i had to get up in the middle of these to pee. ohhh god. why? really..i mean..WHY?