Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Going Through a Rough Patch

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

It's the quintessential symbol of Halloween: the Jack-O-Lantern. Fortunately, it's also one of the easiest designs for a baker to make. Just take one round cake, ice it in orange, add a cartoony face, and...voilá!


AAAEEIII!!

Er. Heh, sorry. Let's try that again.

Voila!

That's...not a cake.


[rolling up sleeves] Voila!

Is that...plastic?

Cheater.



Voila!

A Pumpkin Poo-nicorn. Well. That's a first.


[through gritted teeth] Voi-la.

What the...what IS that? Come on, seriously, there's no way you could make this thing look less like a pumpkin!


Allow me to retract that last statement.


Knock, knock.

Well? Orange you glad I didn't say "voila?"


Hm. Maybe the problem lies in trying to make the whole cake look like a pumpkin. Maybe if the baker just drew a pumpkin ON the cake...

[blinking]

Um...

[more blinking]

Voila!



Dorota, Carra M., Melody N., Shanna T., Andrew M., Ted, Donny & Amanda, Kaitlin K., & T.A., don't ask me; I'm going with "abstract jack-o-lantern."
Rachael said...

Lol! I always enjoy your posts! It does seem like pumpkins ought to be pretty easy but after seeing these maybe not!

Anonymous said...

Let me first thank you for knowing the word is "voila", not "wa-la" or "walla"! And what is that non-cake monstrosity?

lizzied said...

laughed so hard I snorted. loudly. at work.

you're the best.

Miranda said...

@____________________@

Were these decorators stoned? "A hur hur hur, I know what'll be funny! I'll make the worst pumpkin EVAR!"

I mean... this has got to be one of the easiest designs to get right, if one makes any effort at all!

Erin said...

well, that is impressive. good work, Jen!

Peg said...

Yuck! Those "pumpkin" cupcakes look like orange poo, I'm not eating those!

J. R. W. said...

The first one is pretty well made, just... ech.

Tricia L said...

Well, see, that last one is photographed upside down. See the little pumpkin stems at the bottom? They should be at the top. Then it would be very clear that it's a ... uh ... well ... um ....

Linda said...

Poo-nicorn. I love you...

mn_me said...

Have these bakers ever SEEN a real pumpkin? huh? huh?

(head plant)

omg

Legion said...

I think I'm in love with cake #7.

No really. It's so awful that it's kinda great.

Flartus said...

"poo-nicorn" LMAO!

Yeah, you deserve all the accolades and success. Keep 'em coming!

Anonymous said...

I actually kind of like the first one. I mean, it's pretty well made, and well, jack-o-lanterns are SUPPOSED to be kinda scary, right?

Yes, I know I have bad taste. *looks down in shame*

Laura said...

I'll give them the crappy spelling on cakes... people can be bad spellers... but apparently this group is BLIND and has never seen a pumpkin before. They do realize this is a typical KINDERGARDEN art project, right? To draw and decorate a pumpkin... *headdesk*

Anonymous said...

Wow, *snork* these are GREAT!


NOT!

(but the comments are OMG funny!)

Kay said...

Maybe it's just the mood I'm in today, but I kinda like #1! And #7 would be great if it hadn't cracked.

Allicat said...

How... how do they live?! Do people actually buy these? Maybe we should set up FUD (the Fund for Useless Decorators)

Helena said...

POO-NICORN :D:D:D

That just made my day

Meghan said...

So I know its not a cake but the rice krispy pumpkin is kinda cute (*hangs head and shame and banishes self from cakewreck fandom*) but anyways loved the comments...as for the last pic...vagina pumpkins anyone? LOLZ

McConnehey said...

My 2 year old who loves pumpkins said "whats that" to every picture. And when I told him it was a pumpkin he laughed!!!

LaurenH said...

Ummmm....that last one is dirty, right?

(And I'm not even going to talk about 'poo-nicorn' with a slight change in hyphen placement)

Are you SURE this blog is PG-13?? :)

Niki said...

I think the last photo looks like halved apples. Yeah, that's it.

I'm usually up for all the frosting I can get but I've never seen orange poo on cupcakes before.

Caroline B said...

If there isn't a cartoon character called Pumpkin Poonicorn, there darn well should be!

Megan said...

Pretty sure I thought the top cake was going to jump out of my computer screen and try to eat me! If the goal was to scare me, it worked. ahhhhhhhhh!!!

Ha ha ha. Thanks for sharing!!

Mary Connealy said...

The second to last one with the angry face with the crack through it? That one's pretty good, except for the angry face and the crack.

thesacredandtheprofane said...

Pumpkin poo-nicorn should be the Band Name of the Day.

WV:gospine. The other bakers in town were gospine about Loretta's inability to make a jack-o-lantern cake.

Larisa said...

I ♥ Poo-nicorns!

from someone who lives next to Walla Walla, not Voila Voila.

Craig said...

A kudos to you for knowing the correct spelling of 'voila'. (Going for the reverse EPCOT here, after yesterday's 'orange alert' scare.)

I always thought a jack-o-lantern was pretty much impossible to screw up. I should have remembered: Any time you think a concept is foolproof, some fool will prove you wrong.

Stacy Q said...

Wow! I was going to comment about the 3 noses on the 2nd cake, but they just kept getting worse and worse (love the title "pumpkin poo-nicorn," BTW!) until there's no comments anymore, just mouth open, head tilted to the side, saying; "Whhaaaa?"

Mary said...

Ya know that first one is kinda cute. The poo-nicorn is just ewww. lol

Carmen @ Life with Sprinkles on Top said...

I'm skeered of that first one.

Audra,Tony,and Erinn said...

HAHAHAHA She said POO-NICORN!!!! HAHAHAHA...... *Sigh*.(wipes eyes) thanks Jen I needed a good laugh.

Anonymous said...

Umm, I'm going out on a limb here and saying that I LIKE the first one. And the second 'not-cake' (being a fan of rice krispie treats). Please don't eject me from the fan base.

poonicorn - *snort* --ah, where does that hyphen go?

I'm beginning to believe that wreckerators think we're all really stupid, expecting us to accept what they do.

thanks for the laughs.

orange ya glad... rofl!

~~Di

Anonymous said...

#1 AttACK of the Kiiiiillller TOmaTOEs!

#2 A giant popcorn ball. Does it have 3 noses or 3 cheeks?

#3 A peach-colored pumpkin? They can’t even get the color right. The plastic face is creepy.

#4 Pumpkin Poo-nicorn *snort*!

#5 They put the pumpkin in a vice.

#6 They put the pumpkin in a vice and put a sad face on it. I’d be sad too....

#7 Am I the only one to see something “odd” with the stem?? Orange you glad to see me? I am!

#8 Orange and brown poo? Looks likes someone’s digestive tract doesn’t feel well.

#9 Umm…yeah. Abstract pumpkins is what I’d go with too ;-D


wv - demplabi: Demplabi the worst pumpkin cakes I've ever seen!

Kara Lynn said...

The "voila" through gritted teeth just needs some babies on those carrots and it's good to go.

Michelle said...

The third one from the bottom looks like what Meatwad would look like dressed as a pumpkin for Halloween. I thought it was actually kind of cute! The rest were hideous!

Jennifer said...

Pumpkin poo-incorn is probably one of the funniest things I've ever read in my LIFE!

WV: unwqe - To be seen on a future wreck instead of the correct spelling of unique.

Kayleen the Violinist said...

Pumpkin Poo-nicorn??? BAHAHAHA!

Chris said...

Jen,
You owe me one keyboard to replace the one that I ruined when I snorted Coke Zero at the pumpkin poo-nicorn! I can't even type that without laughing! From now on, no more drinks until I am done with this site.

Awesome!!

Heather D. said...

Can you say peach, or orange... anything BUT pumpkin. The Poo-nicorn made me lol and my daughter had to come look, she's calling them all "monsters" hahhaa

chiquita13ster said...

I also liked the first one, more than just" it's not that bad" but iffi ordered a pumpkin cake and that's what I got, I'd be pretty pleased

joyce said...

these "cakes" are truly shudder worthy. hard on the eyes. for sure.

I can't believe anyone actually pays money for them.

I agree---I don't think these decorators have actually seen a real pumpkin, even though they had to trip over them getting into the store this time of year.

Krys72599 said...

I simply have no words.
Every time I think you HAVE to have run out of bad cakes - after all, how many REALLY, REALLY bad bakers/icers can possibly be out there? - you post another collection of not-to-be-believed cakes (?). I would be so darned embarrassed... Even on my worst day, when the only decor available was either (a) sprinkles or (b) gel icing in a tube, NEVER were my cakes this bad. Even if I THOUGHT they were... Thanks for my daily laugh!!!

Sif said...

This is now one of my top five favorite posts.

Anonymous said...

the pic 3rd from last looks like meatwad from Aqua Teen Hunger Force!

msyendor said...

In the spirit of Holloween "WTF is that? Aaagh!" then Cake #1 is a win.

So are the poo-cupcakes because I'm shudding what you'd have to eat to get orange out the other end.

WV: Ingorne. Igor's busy right now harvesting fingers for cupcakes, this is his part-time assistant.

BADKarma! said...

Is it just me, or does that last one look vaguely... Gynecological... To anyone else, as well? (blinkblink)

WV - strumed: the wreckerators strumed und dranged, but still couldn't come up with something that looked like a pumpkin. Mein Gott!

Kaaren said...

Tee hee.

Every time I see "Voila," I am reminded of someone of Facebook who wrote something like "Wahlah! Here are the pictures!" Took me a sec to wonder WTH they were trying to say. Then it clicked.

Michelle said...

That first cake looks like what would happen if the YouTube character Annoying Orange got gussied up for Halloween. Scary!

Anonymous said...

#1 looks likeit was enjoying being in a barroom brawl, blood at the lip, black eyes, etc.

#2 --is it made of caramel corn? it looks like something out of Spongebob Squarepants.

#3 what a peachy cloud! with a plastic face

#4 poonicorn!! eww!

#5 looks like something that only comes out at night and creeps around in nightmares and horror fillms.

#6 Oscar the Grouch's lonely orange cousin? wearing a muzzle? and a dorky hat? maybe it's a bullying victim pelted by vegetables?

#7 what a grumpy orange

#8 anemic peppers--very pale!or are they knockwurst? or organs?

#9 What are those tiny green birds doing flying with those time travel thingies from Harry Potter?

Marcy W. said...

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Pumpkin Poo-nicorn! It doesn't get any better than that!

Bluefairy said...

Actually I really liked the first two cakes. Sure, they don't look like pumpkins at all, but they do look Halloween-ish and they're rather cute.

The other cakes were indeed complete wreckies.

Anonymous said...

Oh. My. Those last two make me feel dirty.

StaceyLeigh said...

hahaha! The next to last one has "poopkins" on it! I was waiting for you to say that!!

Christy said...

i actually kinda like http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_wGr8njEWjtI/TLeKfk9GVxI/AAAAAAAANd0/Cz0HXwCe-x0/s400/Donny+%26+Amanda+L+-+pumpkin.jpg

Anonymous said...

I wasn't going to post a comment, but my WV was "diast"; as in "those cakes are diasterous" (did I spell it right? ;-)

The Lunar Fox said...

"Pumpkin Poo-nicorn" made me laugh waaaay too hard. Thank you!

Anonymous said...

Thank you for all the laughs. My hubby and I love it!

Anonymous said...

That last cake looks more like orange vulvas were drawn on.... perhaps its their Snookie-o-Lantern cake?

kater said...

so i'm not the only one who thought that last cake looks like it might have been a rendition of a series of ladies in the stirrups. good to know it's not just me.

wv: rerche - some of those cakes are so bad i had to go rerche. pass the disinfecting wipes.

M.D. Rhodes said...

*dying laughing, brb*

Monica said...

OH MY! That was a good one today!! thank you for the laugh!! I snorted too, just not at work!!!

Wendy said...

You keep using that word "voila." I do not think it means what you think it means.

Sarah said...

I shall take the idea of a ballad for the poo-nicorn...and run with it!! Silly,whimsical (but also serious!:) couplets will be here within the next few days!!!

morriganscrow said...

POO-NICORN?? *diez and iz ded*

*resurrects* CCCs gussied up as mutant gourds of dubious ancestry? PTOOOIE!!

Anonymous said...

@Mary, ummmm that last one is a little....shall we say....feminine. Ah-hem. Moving on, yes, please ;) .

TSJ said...

Have to say I kinda like the frowny one towards the end. But the others... sheesh!

drgns4vr said...

Now I know why there is a reason I hated carving Jack-o-lanterns. I could have had a less dangerous time just slapping icing on a cake--any cake.
True story:
Several years ago I had a call at the library reference desk asking how to spell fu-ella. Stumped, I asked if she could put it in a sentence.
"Sure. The caterpillar made a cocoon and fu-ella--it's a butterfly."
Ah, yes! Voila! I can spell it for you.

Amanda said...

Oh my goodness! I love this blog, but have never commented before, but I had to seeing as how my 18-month old daughter started pointing to her bottom and saying, "bootie! bootie!" when I got to the last picture. Hilarious!

The Mocha Monster said...

The first cake looks kind of like a Goron from Legend of Zelda
http://www.zelda-gc.com/dossiers/races/gorons/gorons1

See, they could be...distant cousins twice removed?

KritterBugg said...

Oh gosh! Pumpkin Poo-Nicorn! I LOL'ed at that one! I just can't imagine what they are thinking when decorating these things?!?

DK @ http://sweetsbyd.blogspot.com/

Nicole said...

I think you have a new mascot: the Pumpkin Poo-nicorn!

It can duel with Carrot Jockey for supremacy.

Cervus said...

I kind of like #7, the "angry face" pumpkin. If my cake cracked like that, I'd have that expression on my face, too.

Anonymous said...

my son said the fourth one looked like a guy with a drill in his head

Megan said...

I showed this to my aunt and her response was, "Oh My God, those are being sold??? This makes me want to go bake a cake." I think you have another fan:)

MissNay said...

Did anyone else have the pear tree unveiling flashback from the last cake here?

God help us all.

Anonymous said...

I HAVE to figure out a way to use poo-nicorn in everyday conversation. Just too funny! Thanks!

The Royal Buffington's said...

Those last ones look like prostates.

Anonymous said...

Actually, that first one is pretty cool...

StinkerBelle74 said...

I *LOVE* these! Your site always makes me laugh (usually in the library, out loud, and then everyone looks at me funny...)

Also, you give me hope that I can definitely find work as a cake decorator, because I certainly can't do any *worse* than these...not without trying, anyway :)

tinypurpleelephant said...

all are awful, though there is one if it were supposed to be an orrange, it would be ok

what really funny is that i bet they all taste great

ILZE said...

I laughed 'till I cried while reading the post, then I laughed 'till I cried all over again as I read the comments.

Danielle said...

Poo-Nicorn! I almost peed my pants reading the caption!

The last cake looks a little like an outline of some female parts...hmmm...

Mago said...

Poo-nicorn? omg that is perhaps one of the funniest things I have read on-line. ever.

I love your sight. a novice decorator, it gives bolsters my confidence :)

Bethe said...

I would like to know what that first cake was eating to make the "blood" drops

Bethe

Anonymous said...

Dear lord, have any of those people ever seen a pumpkin?

Keisha said...

The last one looks like sliced tomatoes. :)

Chasing The Dog said...

#7 looks like Meatwad.

Angie said...

I agree that the first one looks like it was well done, except for, you know, missing the mark and creeping me out. But it would have been nice.

The last one is just disturbing. I'm sure THAT wrecorator was stoned. Or should be. With ccc 'stones'.

Anonymous said...

hahahaha! this may be one of my favorites yet! and not that this is the worst offense, but what's with the pumpkin with three noses across its face? or was it three rosy cheek blushes? oh dear...poor pumpkin-creature.

Elisabeth said...

I would totally buy the one with the crack in it...if it didn't have a crack in it. Otherwise, it's freakin' adorable!

Shalmeno said...

Okay, the poonicorn alone makes this my all time favorite post, but the comments are also cracking me up.

@Bad Karma!
Best use of wv EVER. Thank you for the laughs! (Or better put, danke schön!)

Arlene said...

Would love to yell Abracadabra and turn the wreckerators into these horrific "pumpkin" things. But then all of us would have to run and hide from the evil unleashed lol. Man Halloween really gets me.. weirder than usual.

pikkewyntjie said...

What is #2 made of anyway? (yeah, I know, #2 - ha ha!) I'm guessing corned beef hash.

WV: lopowine. No snarky comment, just funny.

Maru said...

I didn't realize ATHF's Meatwad was a pumpkin cake.

Noortje said...

I laughed so hard my coffee came out my nose. I actually sprayed the screen when I read the Pumpkin Poo-nicorn :)

julie said...

number 1 looks like Paul Stanley (In full Kiss make-up) after he had a bad reaction to some shell fish.

TravelGoddess said...

The last "cake" looked like it was decorated with "female parts" seen in abstract. and the poo-nicorn cake is just twisted. I do like the pissed off pumpkin cake. looks like he is DARING you to eat him.

Ally Copper said...

Pooh-nicorn!!

Hilarious.

sweet said...

Delicious cake!!

Pauline said...

It never ceases to amaze me how a humble cupcake can be made into something so hideous. It must take practice :)
Pauline

Amanda said...

That last one is just.... whaaaaaat?

Jo-Momma said...

First off, I think the first cake is cute. Secondly, LOLed at the "pumpkin poo-nicorn." And lastly, maybe that one pumpkin is scowling because of the crack in the icing?

marilole said...

Ok.. I am laughing so hard that tears are running down my cheek.. you comments are hilarious

Jane said...

This is the best post ever! Thank you!

As far as I know, the word is spelled "voilà". :-)

lisadh said...

Hilarious post!

I kinda like Mr. Grumpy. He looks fun.

fieldguidetohummingbirds said...

Popcorn?? *whew!* I though it was a dome of ham salad with slices of hard-boiled eggs for eyes.

Niki said...

I.can't.breathe!!

I'm pretty sure we used those line diagrams on that last cake to label gynecological parts on my Anatomy final exam a couple of years ago!

Anonymous said...

Love that second one - I so want one!!!!!

Camille said...

Am I the only one that thinks the cake with the crack and the grumpy face might actually be a pumpkin PIE with a face drawn on it? Just wondering....

Shinnewn said...

The first pumpkin is kinda awesome. Kisstacular! And I likes Frowny McFrownface. But the rest of them, especially that last one, uh...you're on your own. Good luck. (flees for her own mental health)

Dirk said...

Baby poo cupcakes

Heidi D said...

I actually think that first pumpkin cake is...kinda awesome.

AquilaLorelei said...

Am I the only one to see the Nazi "SS Lightning" in the plastic eye-pick things on #3? Honestly, it's unnerving me a little!

WV: losins: Those bakers are losins their minds if they thought any of these would pass muster!

Anonymous said...

well, sorry for the disagreement, but I don't see why the pumpkin pie third from the bottom is a wreck? I think it's quite well done and pretty cute. Especially given the expression on a PUMPKIN pie...wouldn't you too be frustrated with the tortuous grinding and scalding - er, I mean blending and baking in an oven - if you were a pumpkin being turned into a pie? How very undignified an end to its happy days growing in a pumpkin field...sure tastes good though!

RobinSara said...

Ohhhh my *wipes tears of mirth from eyes*

#7 is "The grumpiest orange in all the land"

If you don't get the joke, there is a Halloween song called "The meanest pumpkin in all the land"

Kim said...

I'm a new reader to this blog, and I have to say that I NEVER stop laughing. Not only are the cakes, CCC, cookies, pies, etc. hysterical, but the comments are spot on! Poo-nicorns. OMG! *headdesk* How can people be so....so.....so....I don't know. Someone help me. When I am reading this site, my hubby wants to know what I'm smoking! Keep up the good work!

wv-dectrani--We need some dectrani to learn how to do our jobs!

Caitie said...

i thought the first pumpkin wasnt so bad :) just...... weird looking.

Anonymous said...

Okay, I'll say the first one isn't bad. it's actually kinda scary.

The rest? Blech...

Molly said...

As a decorator for a major grocery chain, I sadly recognize many of these cakes. They're very poor renditions of the pictures the company sends us. This is (almost) what they're supposed to look like. When I get these pictures, I just throw them out. The last pumpkins were supposed to look modern and "stenciled". Bleh!

Annette said...

Now that was funny! Good commentary. I think the first one was actually kind of good, the rest, LOL!

Katie said...

The 3rd from bottom looks like an angry meatwad from ATHF.

Bridget Delaney said...

That last cake, made me think, "Um, peaches?"

Anonymous said...

the third from the bottom one? that's totally meatwad from the cartoon aquateen hunger force! seriously...look at it! it's meaty!