Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Down With EPP!

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Friends, countrypersons, cake lovers.

Today I come to you on a matter of grave concern. (And no, I don't mean that one.)

You all know of my longstanding stance on that most unholy of creations; the cupcake cake. [patooie!] Well, friends, today I bring a new acronym upon which I must heap disdain and revile-attude of such revulsion that I actually had to make up a word just to describe it.

That acronym?

EPP.

And it stands for...

Edible Photo Printing.

DUN DUN DUNNNN!!!

BEHOLD!! THE EEEEVIL:

No, not Hannah Montana. (Although there are times...)

DUN DUN DUNNNN!!!

A hat...wearing a guy?

DUN DUN DUNNNN!!!

I don't even...

DUN DUN DUNNNN!!!

Ok, you have GOT to be...


DUN DUN DUNNNN!!!


Excuse me, are you done?

Sound guy: Um. Yeah.

'
Cause I'll wait.

Sound guy:
No no, please. Continue.

You're sure.

Sound guy:
Yeah, yeah, we're good!

[meaningful glare]

Sound guy: [innocent smile]

Alright. Now then, as I was say....


DUN DUN DUNNNNN!!!



Thanks to Grace W., Dana W., (not related) Silvia C., Lara K., Kelli, and of course my favorite Wreckporter, Jo...

DUNN DUNN DUNNNNN!!!
Holly Denghel said...

There are just no words for some of those.

Sandye said...

But - what if I totally want a cake with a picture of a guy staring down my cleavage???
~Sandye

Donkaloosa said...

Makes me lose my appetite. Besides being ugly, I don't think I want to eat the image of someone I know.

WV: frivela --- these EPP cakes are just frivela and should be baned.

Zazoo said...

I know for a fact that vampire guy drives a schoolbus.
In Teaneck,NJ.
Really.

Wendy said...

Really I am speechless. Wow! I cringed a little remembering the one time I purchased a photo cake. For my husbands birthday I had his photo put on the top of the cake. Sadly, it scared my little 3 year old and he refused to eat any of Dad's face. He was a little terrified of the CAKE!

Donna said...

And here I thought the Hannah Montana cake was a better likeness than her singing!

Bakingdom said...

As always, Jen, it's your commentary that really has me rolling today! Hilarious doesn't do today's post justice! XD

But beyond that, you HAVE to be kidding me, right?! WHAT are these people thinking?!

Of course, that being said, *hangs head in shame* I actually think the one with Robert Pattinson is hilarious!

Fluffy Cow said...

Ooh... bad, bad, bad.
But I am wondering.... where DO those sound guys learn that innocent smile?

Amanda Mac said...

aaaahhhhhh!!!! My first scrapbook pages, awful as they were, were better than that hideous wedding cake?

What were they THINKING????

Lady Anne said...

Um, is that bottom one supposed to be a wedding cake? Are those shots of the happy couple through the years? What, what? Oh, Good Lord, deliver us!

skinner studio said...

The last one is fantastic! I couldn't think of a situation where such a cake might apply - but if one ever comes up I'm going to run with it...

Sandy also in Fla said...

OMG. these have to be some of the worst cakes I have ever seen. #2-I had to go back a few times to figure out it is a guy's face peeking through a hole in a sombrero. What???

And that last cake, I was thinking this was a wannabe scrapbooker trying to show the family her mad skills at a family party! "Wait-I'll do the cake and boy, will YOU be surprised!!"

Jen and co... Luv ya bunches!!

Sandy

Trevor said...

There are times when EPP isn't bad, honestly. It CAN be well done. no, really. That said....

these are NOT examples of that. In the slightest!

Jenni said...

I did NOT know that was a hat... It still confuses me, even knowing what it is now. Some bakers know nothing of crunch! Err, I mean perspective.

Anonymous said...

ACK!! Someone asked me to make a cake with EPP the other day and I said.... NO! Which was nicer than what I was thinking. These are too funny!

You down with EPP (Yeah you know me)
Who's down with EPP (Every last homie)

mesto- "They made a mesto them cakes"

A Girl In Her Kitchen said...

The hat wearing a guy cracks me up!

http://agirlinherkitchen.blogspot.com

mimi said...

I just need to use the word verification, since it totally describes those cakes: poodurey.

I need to put some guy staring at my cleavage!
No! It's poodurey!

Stella said...

Hannah is busting out all over and such a little head to boot! Really people, a full pic, or nothing at all. Wait. Then we wouldn't have cake wrecks...carry on!

Alison said...

The RPatz/Twilight one actually is kinda cracking me up.

Mary Connealy said...

The Twilight guy one photoshopped to be staring at the neck of the birthday girl...okay staring at the NECK. The NECK.

Sure it's not what Vampire Boy seems to be staring at but let's just pretend, okay?

Anyway, it's kinda funny.

Anonymous said...

Um.. does the top of that sombrero look like.. um.. anything in particular to anyone else?

Ok,, getting my mind out of the gutter.

My mom's 80th birthday cake had an edible photo of her nekkid bum baby picture. It was actually sorta cute, but of course everyone cut around the butt and wouldn't eat it. hehehehe..

Joanna said...

Wow. Just....wow.

It's like cake versions of the pain: "wallowing in freakish misery forever."

Tamara Marnell said...

Personally, though I think the tween heartthrob from Twilight looks delicious, I'm not particularly inclined to eat him. I assume his noble blood-sucking character would do the courtesy of the same towards me, and go feed on a cake with a rabbit on it instead.

Anonymous said...

OH MY! I'm glad ytou told me that was a sombrero......cause it totaly looks like it couls have used a smiley face to cover it up like the cake a few weeks ago.
CW Fan

Michelle S said...

Horrible!!!! And the last one is the worst!! Although I do think the one with Edward is pretty funny! =)

Anonymous said...

I don't think I've ever before really considered the emotional damage that the two of you risk on a daily basis. Here we of the internet audience sit, enjoying carefully meted doses of wreckiness and the ameliorating effects of witty commentary and/or sound effects. But you guys have no such luxury-- stuff like this floods your inbox daily, with no witty buffers or warnings of what lies ahead. An e-mail may contain a relatively innocuous sperm balloon or a run-of-the-mill butchering of "Congratulations"...or it may contain something far more sinister, like a really, really, creepy Miley Cyrus shrunken head.

You are to be deeply commended for your bravery. And your therapists deserve commendation too, because I'll bet this stuff prompts some weird discussions. :)

--kate

Brooke said...

Giant cookie? Check. Undersized copyrighted image? Check. Edible ink? Meh, it'll do...

Angela said...

Call me crazy but I've seen EPP's done well and I could really see a cute wedding cake coming out of that! Maybe the engagement picture on the top side and then the bride and groom figurine on the very top. You're have to have a very photogenic couple though.

Flartus said...

AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

postmommy said...

Is that Twilight guy looking down that lady's shirt? Or is he just going to bite her in a second? I can't figure it out...

Anonymous said...

I kinda like the sombrero cake - it cracks me up.

DD said...

UNbelievable.

drumnate said...

I thought the Twilight/Photoshop/EPP was great IF it was meant to be funny. If so, being an EPP makes it even funnier. If they weren't trying to be funny, well that's just a whole 'nother session of therapy.

Jean Bean said...

I'm not down with EPP (yeah you know me!)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6xGuGSDsDrM

Just keepin' it real. :)

kayk said...

Apparently Hannah Montana has microcephaly. That could explain quite a lot.

And if the Twilight one isn't bad enough, it's also printed backwards (check the writing on the bus).

abi said...

I suppose I'm only reaffirming my status as a preschool mom by saying this, but your DUN DUN DUNNNNs reminded me of this Sesame Street clip from a couple years ago:
Law and Order: Special Letters Unit.

CHUNG-CHUNG.

Anonymous said...

Is it just me or is Miley Cyrus's head WAY TOO SMALL for that body? As if that was the only thing wrong with it.....

Anonymous said...

First, I LOVE the sound guy.

Second -- **sigh** Twi-moms. **sigh** An entire coven of cougars. **sigh** *shaking head*

If I picture is worth a thousand words, I think these just screamed my last novella.

~~Di

Craig said...

It's hard to maintain a sense of proportion with some of these wrecks, especially #1. Really puts things in perspective, doesn't it.

From there, we could segue into perspective of another sort, such as the whole 'giant boobs on a cake for a 9-year-old' thing, except that there appears to be only one and it seems to be located just above the tummy area. That makes it ok. OY!

Mel V. said...

My Mom, handing the bakery girl a photo of a gorgeous red Ferarri: "And put this picture on the top. It's for my daughter's sixteenth birthday."

"You're getting her THAT car?!"

"No, just the cake."

Thanks Mom. Love you too. At least the cake was tasty.

Anna said...

The R.Pats EPP is funny. I kinda want one with my photo in his grasp.

Becky said...

Oh my gosh, I was busting up at the Photoshopped picture of Edward Cullen and the random woman. I'm still laughing...

Gary said...

Oh, my, Hanna Montana has grown. Her head hasn't, though.

NiteNurse said...

jen, Jen, JEN (hand in air waving frantically)!!! I need to know something really important, Jen! If we always spit after the mention or sight of a dread CCC (patooie!), what must we do at the sight of an EPP? Snorts, fur ball noises, growls, weird fart-y sounds with the armpit?? Inquiring minds want to know....

( I like to get my disgust etiquette Just Right.)

thank you, Terrell

uldihaa said...

Aww, there's no sparkles on the Twilight cake!

I am disappoint.

jo said...

that edible photo paper is scary to cut into. like a skin!

meanwhile, I love the Julius Caesar reference! and the scary cakes. Hannah put on some pounds. the sombrero dude looks like he's being chased by a giant alien thing about to eat him (the blue thing would be the mouth. or squirmy tentacle like body)

Edible photo paper on a cookie? seriously, wreckerator? you know they use photo paper too much at that bakery, considering how green that printout is. toner's going, people!

the Twilight cake is just scary. seriously, lady? you're that into young vampires that you photoshopped him with his arm around you? and you're old enough to be his mom?? meanwhile, is he checking out her boobs or what looks like a raw steak in her hand?

I'm going to a family reunion next week and they did ask for pictures. I'm hoping they don't stick them in icing to a faux wedding cake. Scary! (but if they do, I'll send you a picture!)

Flea said...

GAH!!! That last one ... GAH!!!

Mamakitty1978 said...

You know never have I looked at a cake and though you know what this needs to taste better......Paper! Oh and the ones with printed heads and cake bodies *shudders* ummmm no!

Daniel said...

Those... are pretty bad...

kristina said...

The key to doing EPP right is to have the image NOT be a person...I cheated and did EPP for my brother's graduation cakes because he wanted the college seal and the mascot (Illinois State University Redbirds anyone??) and I know I can't pipe good enough for that...the EPP was definitely the way to go...

Anonymous said...

Are you sure that the pictures on the last cake aren't actual pictures...and not edible paper? They're kind of glossy, don't you think?

WV: "esiewat"

Herouth said...

Wait, that's EPPcot!

Danger Boy said...

That last one...it's like a badger ripped out my eyes, dragged them through a photo album, and then ate a cake. And then gave me my eyes back. Maybe he's a nice badger?
I digress.

Anonymous said...

I think the wreckreators ate too much ink from EPPs to have proper judgement.

Anonymous said...

argh.

Jennifer said...

I saw that last cake and all I could think was "wtf?wtf?wtf?wtf?wtf?"

MLClark said...

Question for the estimable Jen! Have you ever seen photo prints used outstandingly *well* on cakes?

That last one, the wedding cake, makes me wonder if the concept could have been more effectively carried out if the photos had been made of uniform size and maybe staggered throughout a modernist/cubist cake design. Am I crazy? Do prints ever turn out well?

Just curious, thanks!

Brittany said...

BEST POST EVERRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

I think my eyes just spontaneously combusted....

Andrea

Anonymous said...

You know, I blame the people who ordered these cakes as much as the wreckerators. I mean, it's not like they just happened to have a photo of your daughter that they stuck on a mermaid-ish cake. Someone had to think this would be a good idea....and oh how wrong they were.

Andrea

Rhonda said...

I want to make the Twilight cake for my hubby. I know it's awful but if I could just see his face when I presented him with that. Actually I won't because I'm making a portal cake for his birthday but it would be awesome.

Anonymous said...

OH MY GOSH~ THE WRECKTITUDE! *stares dumbly at last cake... which, oddly enough, stares dumbly back*

Jennifer said...

I kind of like the wedding cake, actually--hope it was what the couple wanted. However, I am by no means an arbiter of good taste.

Books Dudes Will Read said...

Along with the babies in blankets, this is possibly the most disturbing wreckeration I've seen. And I'm a sick person, just confessing that up front, but the hat wearing the guy did not look to me like a hat. The shape & color took me to another place south of the border. Aye, chihuahua!

Aviatrix said...

Most of them, especially Hannah Montana, look like a giant amorphous cake creature has almost completed assimilation of the photographed victim.

Monica said...

Oh lord, EPP on cookie cakes is a really bad idea. Here in Chicago, earlier this year when the Blackhawks made it to the playoffs, the grocery stores were scrambling to make hockey-related cakes. I saw a cookie cake with the Blackhawks mascot. For those not in the know, it's a picture of a guy's head, and I swear he looked like a Martian. The coloring was so off his skin was green.

Laura P. said...

oh. my. gosh. i thought the first one was bad, and they kept getting worse. thanks for the best laugh of the day!

oh, on Sunday, I went to a graduation party and the cake had e.p.p. on it of the diploma. it was placed crooked on the cake. i just smiled and cut myself a piece of cake.

purplewowies said...

What is that last one? A family... tree... cake?

And what would happen if a CCC (patooie!) and an EPP combined?

I'm starting to think buying that nuclear fallout shelter might've been a good idea.

Julia said...

That last one makes me feel a bit ill...

Anonymous said...

Looks like Miley's put on weight.

Amoniel said...

I know how you feel.
And these, these are just horrifying.

Anonymous said...

That "friends, countrypersons, cake lovers" remark... Was that a Saint reference, or am I going mad?

Isolder74 said...

Boy am i behind the times!

Why take the bother to sculpt a cake to look like a Fire Truck or a Star Destroyer when you can just print out and put a photo of one on a easy to make sheet cake.

I am so staying behind the times!

WV --> bedop

Bedop..I think I heard that associated with a cowboy or something.

Emily said...

The wedding one, well, it....
dun Dun DUNNNN!!
....takes the cake!
(Sorry, couldn't resist).

pookusmaximus said...

wtf. no. NO.

Rebecca said...

I'm going to make an exception for the one with Edward Cullen because it's SO cheesey, between the EPP and the Twilight reference, that it's hilarious.

BTW, what's up with the weirdly misplaced boob on Hannah Montana?

ash said...

No words can describe what I just saw. I will say that there are some BRAVE cake decorators out there that are copying copyrighted images though.

whirlofwings said...

Wow.... the wedding cake is just awful. And the Edward cake is just as bad!

julie f said...

I also think the Twilight one is hilarious! The rest are pretty awful uses of edible images- but they can be done well

Anonymous said...

maybe it's the 2(+) glasses of wine I've had, but there's just something I like about that wedding cake... hmmm...

kittyknitter said...

Does anyone else zero in on the Hannah Montana HAND but me? It is so hugely deformed I couldn't stop laughing! Pardon my frivela-ness!

Name: precmem1948

tiny purple elephant said...

no words...none....

Evan said...

The last one probably isn't a wedding cake in my opinion. It's a family reunion cake, with the matriarch at the top and various family members, grandkids, cousins, play cousins... I would love to see the other sides I'm sure it has the other branches of the family.

Nahhh said...

That mermaid cake had promise...

Anonymous said...

I'm of the opinion the edible photo printer should never have been invented. Just, no.

JennyLoo said...

The wedding cake makes me think of something the brides on My Fair Wedding would show David Tutera. He'd look at it and try not to laugh and then turn it into something fabulous. It's an original idea with terrible execution.

Angie said...

Oh. My. Dear. Lord.

Sera said...

Eating your beloved's face is wrong on soooo many levels I don't know where to start!

Paper and Food said...

Who, just who comes up with this stuff? I laugh so hard every time I visit this site!

Isolder74 said...

Anonymous said...
I'm of the opinion the edible photo printer should never have been invented. Just, no.

You do realize that they are printed in an ordinary ink jet printer using special edible color ink and special sugar paper for the paper.

I think the special paper actually makes normal inkjet ink look off color so think about that when you see these and normal inkjet ink isn't guaranteed to be non-toxic.

Cynthia said...

Oh, come on. The Twilight one is hilarious and not wrecky in the least.

My mom loves to get EPP ice cream cakes with pictures of us as toddlers for our birthdays. It's...something.

RPattz Cleavage Chick said...

It's hard to contain my laughter with the thought of the picture of my cake is on Cake Wrecks! I am indeed the woman in the picture with RPattz and yes it was meant as a joke and I LOVED that cake when it was brought out to me. It was a surprise for my birthday from my friends last year and I had tears rolling out from laughing when I saw it.

Craig said...

There are printers that print directly onto frosting, also. Alas, 'Edible Cake Printer' sounds rather redundant. And would be, in an ideal world.

I prefer photo + cake to a photo cake. You can look at the photo while eating the cake, the photo doesn't get all carved up, you don't have to wonder what 'edible' ink is made from (and how they verified that it was safe to eat), and so on.

Having followed CW long enough to have some idea of how wreckerators 'think', I have to wonder how many photo cakes have been produced using regular ink.

By the way, that HM cake is from her "Make sure your plastic surgeon isn't a cake decorator on the side" tour. It was a brave comeback -- she had briefly considered a new career as a baseball player...

Arlene said...

I never thought something could be worse than a dreaded CCC. I was so wrong I think I will go hide under my bed until it is safe to go into a bakery again lol. Oh man are those scary. Who would eat them??? WHO?? Sad and they make great Halloween cake wrecks!

SoupAddict Karen said...

You know what's coming then, right? An EPP cupcake cake. Oh, the possibilities....

Anonymous said...

wv: jujud - Past tense of juju (EPP ...bad juju!)

LOL @ Herouth...EPPcot!!!!

Just a thought for the sound effect of an EPP cake. Seeing how these cakes kinda made me throw up in my mouth a little, the "sound effect" could be of the upset stomach sort. They are a vomitous mass after all.

If these cakes are ever done well, perhaps you could showcase them in Sunday Sweets.

Elizabeth said...

So I just can't get "Down with OPP" out of my head now. lol

Aliza said...

Oh my. That fish cake was sure to give the kid nightmares (what was the parent thinking when ordering that?). The wedding cake wins points for creative display of coupledom, but the lack of aesthetics and taste --- ugh! The cookie was a perfect example of wreckerators expanding their repetoire of ugliness, and the hat band with the face was weird.

The twilight cake (thanks to the comments for explaining what that was about), though, was clever-- I think that's an example of EPP done right.

And I must confess to having ordered an EPP cake once. It was to launch a workplace charitable giving campaign, featuring the campaign's logo. If it's to help the United Way, that's ok, right? Please say "yes"! ;)

Katie said...

I, too, think the Edward one is hilarious!

nancy b said...

I humbly beseech you to change one of the captions...that's not a hat. It's clearly a mexican space ship.

Anonymous said...

@ Anon 6:50 PM
If I'm not mistaken, the original quote is from Julius Caesar (Shakespeare) and goes: "Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears..." It's the beginning of a funeral oration for the murdered JC (that's Julius, not Jesus).

EPP can work very well if it's not a photo especially. My sister had one with Disney (Minnie Mouse, etc.) characters and it was adorable. However, weird to cut into and tastes funny. but it looked great. as long as it's not crooked, or on a cookie...it's made to blend into icing (background, etc) and a cookie just doesn't work for that!

meanwhile, Jen, have you done a Twilight ZONE post using Twilight cakes?

loved the text today. how do you always manage to keep it new and fresh?

Anonymous said...

I'm the friend of Cleavage Chick up there ^, the same friend who used the paint program to shop the Twilight photo. It was indeed a joke, one that even non-fans of Twilight thought was funny the night we surprised her with the cake. We still talk about it a year later! I can't believe it ended up here, though!

Jenny Jo said...

I really think these might be the worst cakes ever.

I also really enjoy how Edward Cullen is totally oggling that lady's cleavage.

Hungarican Chick said...

Hanna Montana is a pinhead!

Anonymous said...

Down with EPP?! Yeah, you know me.

Gale said...

Oh, EPP are worse than CCC (cup cake cakes)...cause I've actually seen cute cup cake cakes, but I've yet to see a photo cake that wasn't hideous! (OK, but since I've only actually seen them here maybe that's a tad unfair...but I have no evidence any good ones exist.)

Tricia L said...

A friend of mine knows the guy who invented edible ink. I'm sure he would be pleased with today's CWs. (Though not as happy as the day you posted the CW with the sprinkles on edible paper. That one cake used enough ink to buy him a sports car.)

Heather said...

I was a little scared for a second. My last name I Epp so I was thinking "What did I do?!" and then I saw the cakes...
Yeah.
DOWN WITH EPP!!

Jennifer said...

I am dun dun DONE with EPP.

Edward's really hot for the lady bus driver.

Jenniloo said...

1. The Edward cake is not printed backwards. The bus says "Tiki Tours".

2. Edible ink is not ink. It's mostly just food coloring put into a food-grade plastic printer cartridge. The manufacture of edible inks is regulated by the FDA. The ink and edible paper have no taste and the paper should dissolve into the cake and become one with the frosting. This means it should be as easy to cut through the photo as the buttercream below it. If it's not done with the correct paper, the EPP is hard to cut through and can be peeled off the frosting. This is not supposed to happen and I'd be wary about eating the cake because I'd wonder what else they did wrong.

Ellie said...

While these are horrifying examples of the art, EPP is better than some options. For my 10th birthday I wanted a Star Wars cake. We had a semi-professional baker who was a family friend make it. Imagine my dismay when I run up to my cake, look at the badly printed Star Wars scenes all over it and am told i have to *pick them off* of my cake before I can eat it! Oh the horror of frosting laden paper and the mangled remains of Birthday Cake. I'll eat a hat wearing a guy over that any day.

Good Remedy said...

There are so many ways to do EPP right! Why would anyone choose their own face? Check out Bakerella's Valentines Day cookies for How to Use EPP and not WRECK! http://www.bakerella.com/valentines-day/
~Peggy

deltoncraft said...

Great post, thanks for the laugh! The toy story one is just SAD and the last one has rendered me speechless - What the?!!??

Cupcakes Lady said...

Edward Cullen and the woman. Killing myself laughing here. ;) xx lol