Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Now THAT'S Italian

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Today's post has a special Read-Along Feature!
Press play before scrolling down to get the full "Italian" flavor.





Ay everybody! Giusseppe Sarducci here froma Ma Biga Freakin Italiana Cake located ina beautiful downtown Trenton. We specialize ina making da biggest, freakina cakes you ever dida see. An we gotta somatin new!

Looka dat!

Even da leetle Bambina, she knows! She'sa sayin, "Ay! Dasa one biga freakina cake! I mean looka dat! What isa dat, lika twenty-seven feet a cake?! Who needsa more cake dena dat?!?

Now you might be asking youself, "Isa ma cake gonna be so beautiful like the one ina da picture?" You know it!

Firs, we starta wita da cake which isa twelve eenchess high, ten eenchess wide ana twenty-seven feet long. Den, we squeeze rowa after row ofa brown "icing" ona top.

[kissing fingertips] Bueno!

Denna, we take what we lika to call "dirt" ana we put dat ona top too!

Isa so beautiful!

Finally, we taka a biga tubba cream, ana put DAT ona top, too!

Everyting go ona top!

Ana one more ting! Ma uncle Guido, he make'a da bessa squiggles ana dots you eva dida see so we puta dose ona da cake too! It's mucho cucina bella farfalla cappelini lasagna!! Mach schnell!

So calla Ma Biga Freakin Italiana Cake today. Because ifa is nota Freakin Big...

...is nota cake! Ciao!


You mighta wanna check out our Five Minute University too!
Nancy said...

oh lord, just looking at all that frosting makes my teeth hurt!

J. R. W. said...

LOVE it!

Actually, the final product didn't look THAT bad... unless all of that stuff is icing. In which case-ew!

The Boob Nazi said...

What a lovely cake... and hilarious post.

Donkaloosa said...

LOL! Y'all have WAY too much time on your hands!!!

emilysandlin said...

LOVING the way you threw in the German! Hahahaha!

Miranda said...

I'd eat it!

Then again, I'm Italian. Say, you know we don't really talk like that, right? :P

But we do like cake as much as anyone else does! Hmm, I feel munchy now.

VW: clueyin. Don't know what goes into that cake? Let me clueyin.

Tricia L said...

That's one freakin' abig cake.

Until I started reading CW, I would have pushed my way to the front of the line for a slice of that. But after months of reading CW, all I see is poo. May be the reason I'm losing weight. Thanks CW.

More audio segments, please!

Dr. Russ said...

I just spit my morning soda all over my screen because I was laughing so hard. What a wonderful way to start the day--even though, I have to clean off my desk now.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the Cake Boss transcripts, I have missed the past few episodes!

coeurdechoeur said...

I almost choked on my cereal when you got to "Mach schnell!"

Well done.

wv: ungsto - Ungsto hungry! Ungsto want eat!

lizzied said...

when I got to the last picture, I tried to say to myself, "WHAT THE F* IS THAT?" ...but I think it was my outside voice.

Donna said...

This post gave me indigestion for the rest of the day! Great laughs though!


WV: elamel - Italian version of lame

ComfyDenim said...

In the spirit of random accents - I'll say, "That's a bloody brilliant post!"

Oh, look - WV is "Bless"

bless you for making me laugh.
Keep up the good work!!!

Brittani said...

Best way to start the day.

And I agree with Tricia. More of these audio posts would be fantastic. Mach schnell, Yates.

Reverend Ref + said...

LOL

This is even better than the song where Number One learned the dog died.

Thanks for starting the day off right.

Jim Todd said...

Holy [insert favourite exclamation here]! That's a lot of icing!

Great job with the audio clip. I'll echo what others have said: more audio, please!

bamatam said...

Hilarious--Love the audio!!!

Elissa said...

The end result is actually pretty spectacular. That first picture, though? All I can see is hot dogs.

Renee said...

Great post John! Bueno!

WV: fantshea is that like Italian for fantistical?

Anonymous said...

Up until, oh, the third time I looked at the cake I really thought all of the brown icing was hot dogs. That is just not ok.

Gary said...

Uh, the children's eyes are blacked out? Are they criminals defendents, or on the run from the cops, or something?

Anonymous said...

OMG that is funny! Thata isa soma caka!!

KC

Anonymous said...

That was great! Just when you think CW can't get any better, it does!

Babs said...

You peeps is crazy.

Anonymous said...

I've just decided that women with morning sickness need to wait until later in the day to view CakeWrecks. That cake just turned my stomach.

Ice Queen said...

Too funny. :D

The petite Fours and bon bons just gave it the perfect finishing touch.

MetalRose said...

Best. Post. EVA!

Three Turtles and Their Pet Librarian said...

That - the 'finished' product - is the ugliest thing we have seen in a LONG time. And, we are turtles - we basically swim in our own poo.

wv - thyovenu... we got nothin'. Does sound vaguely Italian, though.

Sheri said...

WOW for the end product, that was mouth dropping. Wondering how big a tip they had to use to write on it.

Like someone said, I can't see chocolate now without seeing poo!

Loved the audio!!!

Sheri

Jamie said...

For those first three pictures, all I could think was, "why so many hotdogs?"

Well, that, and "the Yates only seem to get awesomer with time."

Anonymous said...

Love the voice over! Great addition to the post. (though, you know, it wasn't really necessary, as I hear those voices when I read your posts... )

Gotta say, you got me with the mach schnell. Shades of Dorapost.

Keep 'em rollin'.... with laughter.

~~Di

Her Self said...

Is it just me, or did John sound like Rosanna Rosanna Danna?

Megan Self

Come At Me Bro said...

Oh myy!

madrobins said...

What on earth are the big piles of pink frosting at the ends? They're like clouds--I keep seeing different shapes in them ("Oh, look! It's an elephant! No, it's a pig. No, no, it's a baby seal! It's a dinosaur! A pink elephant dinosaur made out of frosting!")

Yikes seems insufficient.

abi said...

There's CANTALOUPE stuck in that icing. WITH THE RIND ON. Doubleyou. Tee. Eff.

WifeOfSeth said...

Does anyone else see where the puffy pink frosting at the bottom says "Happy" something..?

Anonymous said...

Is it my imagination or are those pink squiggles in the last one supposed to be the words "Happy Birthday"? Well, the first part looks kinda like "happy" maybe.

Dassa lotta cake.

Chrissy said...

Actually, for future reference, Bueno is Spanish. Buona is Italian.

Anonymous said...

Hey! John got CAPS!

Esty said...

Hotdogs? Intestines? Poo?

None of these things belong on cake.

wv: oravora. "That's the Oravora, Alice."

Anonymous said...

That made my day.

Easier2B said...

OMG! Freakin hilarious!

Alyssa said...

LOL! Love this! I think this kind of commentary would benefit many posts :)

ladyrazorsharp said...

Urgh. Just...urgh. At all stages of creation. =P

Your 'Italian' was much better than the cake itself! =D Reminds me of Brak and his "Learnin' to Talk Italian" lessons. "La porta facta la zuppa: The door is made of soup!"

Sandi said...

Is that a dead pink bunny face-planted in the cake? Sadly, I couldn't get the sound to play.

Vicki said...

Heh heh! You're spoiling us. First the musical, now the read along. Pretty soon you're going to have to add audio to everything.

I loved how there were random words used like lasagna and then the German came in.

Anonymous said...

Più appaganti!

Stephanie said...

I also saw hot dogs on the first picture. I love hot dogs as much as the next person, but NOT on my cake!

Anyway, this post was hilarious, as usual, and the audio made it that much funnier. Great job, John! :)

Karen said...

"It's-a me, Mario!" is all I could think of while reading that. As an Italian from NJ, I can tell you I've never seen a cake like that before, and also, ewwwww. Also, half my relatives do actually talk like that.

Chasmosaur said...

Oh c'mon - go for the less obvious Don Novello reference and write a Lazlo Toth letter.

Because those pink squiggles in the last picture? The first five are "Happy" if you look closely. I don't think the rest are "Birthday" - I'm guessing by the little white dresses it's confirmation or something. This level of wreckiness screams for a Lazlo Toth letter.

Brittany Blais said...

I got a little bit of a JarJar Binks vibe from this post. Hilarious!

sarah said...

looks like a long line of doodoos or hot dogs and meatballs all piled up. definitely not attractive and does not look very enticing.

Angela K. Nickerson said...

That cake is to Italy as "Jersey Shore" is to Italy... not so much!

Daya said...

i didn't think it was possible to love this blog anymore but you guys make it better and better all the time!! More videos!! More voice overs!!! This is afreakin' awesome!!

Heather and daughter said...

Uh... Yikes!

My 3 yr old said "oh look at that dragon."

I like her version.

ClaireBear said...

It was really difficult to react to the horrifying photos and follow along at the same time. I mean, I needed a lot of time for the mess to sink in.

Okay, I'm exaggerating a little.

The important thing is, "mach schnell" was the icing on-- wait, um, I can't say it that way... ummm... it was... the best way to end a string of random Italian words put together. Yeah.

Freaking comedy gold!

Anonymous said...

A little confused here. So, is the Italian theme just for fun or does the cake actually represent Italian culture in some way. I'm half Italian and like the others on here, I've never seen a cake like this, so I'm just trying to figure out where the Italian comes in. I did think the captioning was hilarious though!

The Alphabet Gang said...

Hey, John, I tell-a you what. That-a voice, he sound-a awfully familiar! Maybe he's-a Father-a Guido Sarducci? I can-a hear it-a now. Father-a Guido sez, "Find-a da Pope in-a da cake." Hey, dat's-a million-a dollar idea, I tell-a you what! :D

Ah, the joy of fantastically over-done and politically incorrect accents. Love it? Fug-gead-aboudit!

Carmen, the Un-Stalker

john said...

That looks like 1 inch of chocolate cake on blocks of styrofoam. I'm not sure that really qualifies as a "cake".

Actually, aren't we looking at 2 different, um, ... purportedly cakelike objects?

Marie said...

Brilliant!

matthewrmt said...

I LOVE this cake--it is a hedonistic cake/pastry orgasm! The pink stuff looks to be baked meringue.

Sometimes, it is wonderful to go so completely over the top!

I'm going into a diabetic coma just looking at it--and I'm not even diabetic!

Rebecca said...

Does anyone else think that in the first photo, it looks like the cake is topped with hot dogs?

deb in atlanta said...

Love the Father Guido Sarducci-voice. Too perfect for that perfectly, ummm...errr..big freakin' cake.

jennifer m said...

I guess I'm the only person to find the commentary offensive, and I'm not even Italian.

You don't have to post this comment, but I thought it was important to tell you that I love CW and enjoy the posts, but lately it seems a little desperate, as if you're trying too hard to be edgy, especially with the profusion of R-rated posts. Some are funny, but how about a more balanced blog?

There are so many wrecks out there - there has to be plenty of material you can work with that isn't insensitive to a culture or ethnicity, or reminiscent of a phallic object. JMHO. :)

crydwynn said...

Great post.

And Renee, I think "fantshea" is Sean Connery for "fancy." Heh.

WV: nutst. How Wisonsin folks say nuts. My hubby sticks a 't' on the end of anything that ends in 's'.

Anonymous said...

This was a hilarious post! Include more audio clips in the future!!! :)

Lida said...

I completely agree with Elissa. I was a little confused. This is CakeWrecks. Why am I looking at hotdogs? haha.

Barb Koumjian said...

I appear to be the only commenter who saw pink elephant-like critters at the end, so do I need to examine my imbibing habits?
Also, I appreciate that CW Equally uses the Opportunity to embarrass every culture it can sorta pronounce.

WV: jacksw: gender-specific chainsaw

john (the hubby of Jen) said...

Jennifer M.

Jen and I spend a HUGE amount of time looking over every post for anything that might be offensive. You'd be surprised how hard it is to catch everything. But I wanted to address your points because I think they're interesting.

First off, there are never any "R" rated cakes on our site. Don't get me wrong, there is innuendo. But no child will ever look at one of our cakes and think they're anything but castles and space shuttles.

Secondly, there was nothing derogatory about today's post. It's just a funny Italian accent and several people have already commented that some of their relatives sound just like that. So the questions are, is it insensitive because I am not Italian? Is it okay if I have an Italian background? Why does nobody give us a hard time when we use a British accent?

I think the most important question is whether you associate accents with lack of intelligence, because I have a huge amount of respect for people who are bilingual. I guess I've always thought that an accent should be a source of pride. My father, the most intelligent man I know, speaks English with a Canadian accent.

On another note, yes both of the cakes in today's post are from Italy. I don't know if it's a traditional style but even with the poo and dirt I'd still eat it.

john

Amanda said...

Now that's what I call ridiculously large!

Anonymous said...

..is the last one the result of a mass vomit?

Mary said...

I think I just threw up in my mouth. In a good, non-mean spirited way.

Sariah said...

Brilliant!!!!!!!!!
I cannot stop laughing.

My name is Michelle. said...

If you would have asked me a year ago if Cake Wrecks could get any better I would have said no, but you guys just keep getting better. I love Cake Wrecks!

Anonymous said...

HH
Now that has to be the funniest post yet...the music, the speaker, the cake
a total package!!!

French Bean & Coffee Bean said...

Whoa. How many people does that thing feed???

-French Bean

leannwoo said...

Oh my...Thanks for the laugh. I loved having the audio to this post! It was perfection!

sami said...

Please, oh please, do more posts with listen-along features.

This? Was histerical!

The Captain's Blog said...

I think I just developed diabetes from reading this.

-Sea Nymph- said...

Mach schnell!

morriganscrow said...

Ahh, Cake Wrecks! Where hilarity and nausea wrestle for dominance on a daily basis.
And now with a multi-sensory experience - as if the nausea and hilarity weren't enough!

Queen Julian XIII said...

Just for the record, I LOVE LOVE LOVE your humor!!! I can count on Cakewrecks to make my day, every day!!! Carpe' D'Cake!!!

aliceinwonderland14 said...

so. freakina. funny. bueno!! (kisses fingertips)

Cheri said...

Wow.
Thanks John, I really needed that laugh today. You two have kept me in giggles during a hard time this summer.
Thanks!

Anonymous said...

Just because lots of people seem to like the pidgin Italian doesn't mean it isn't offensive or in poor taste.

Re-cast it with "oh lawdy, lawdy me, dis shoa am some nasty cake right heah". Howabout "Ah so! Dis cake is vely, vely, flightening!"

Offensive? You bet.

Generally speaking, exaggerated stereotypes about the way other groups of people are supposed to talk are offensive.

wurd nurd said...

John, dear, just because you use a fake accent doesn't make it offensive. Using an unnatural accent, *while* using fractured/uneducated language *and* casting a particularly disgusting culinary "achievement" by a very specific culture (as well as claiming to be "inspired" by Jersey Shore) makes it possibly offensive. Personally, I wasn't offended by today's post, but all of the above reasons made it pretty uncomfortable to read and, perhaps as a result, made this the most unfunny post I think I've ever read on this blog. Such a shame, since you and Jen have been one of the rare beacons of consistency in an otherwise inconsistent interwebz. And to address your comment about not being reamed for using British accents: using a British accent is not ridiculing the British culture; however, using fractured English with a stereotypical Italian accent is to abjectly ridicule a culture that had previously, and continues to suffer bigotry, discrimination, internment (yup, during WWII) and racial violence (no help from shows such as Jersey Shore and Jerseylicious). And to be perfectly clear, I am not Italian, nor is anyone in my family Italian; I just happen to know a bit about the history.

Amazing Cakes By Vanessa! said...

In regards to being offended by the "Italian" accent:

Get a life.

Have you ever sat at a major airport and watched the people? How many of them can you identify with a nationality or region by their dress, way they walk, or speech? Are you unfairly applying bigoted labels to them? What do you really know about a person by looking at them or listening to them? Reality is that we all prejudge based on appearance and speech. You may try to consciously stay neutral or be unbiased, but it is really difficult if not impossible.

Language and cultural differences are part of who we are as humans. We can either celebrate those differences, compliment other regional and national differences by recognizing them, or we can try to be homogenous white bread and Jell-o nobodies that don't offend anybody by being different.

And even then SOMEBODY would take offense. It's human nature.

Aviatrix said...

No Italians I know speak like that, but I thought it was fun, and only mocking in exactly the same style as of the possible thought processes of every wreckerator featured here. There's no implication that poo cakes are a function of ethnicity, and I read the silly Italian as mocking Jen and John for inability to produce more authentic Italian, not denigrating the real language.

My word verification is puglusi, which is probably really bad Italian for poo cake.

john (the hubby of Jen) said...

Anon @ 4:59,

Interesting. I almost didn't post your comment because it just sounded so racist. What I have a hard time understanding is if it's ever okay in today's culture to point out any difference ever. For instance, what if I said that a cake looked wicked good, ayuh? Is that wrong? What if I told you I was from Maine and that's the way I speak naturally? I guess I always consider the tone of the writing when casting judgment. Did the writer intend to be cruel? When I wrote this, I intended it to sound like the SNL character Guido Sarducci who I think sounds pretty cool and witty.

Wurd Nurd,

First off, both of the cakes are from Italy, I used no broken English only an accent, and I made no references at all to Jersey Shore. I've never even seen the show.

The idea that accent equals ridicule is absurd. Colloquialisms denote location of birth and nothing more. Accents of a foreign origin generally mean a person is bilingual. Neither of those warrants scorn.

Finally, I'm mostly Irish. You know your history so you must know that the Irish people are some of the most hated and persecuted people in the history of mankind. So the question is, should I write a letter demanding that General Mills drop the accent from the Lucky Charms commercial? Would that be an overreaction?

I'm sorry you didn't like the post.

john

Stoich91 said...

Hey, there! Just a shout out from 100% authentic Italian, here...a few comments for those who thought the post was racist:

1. Although the accent was pretty good for an American, I can promise you that you will never walk into someone in Italy that talks like that. The accent was purely for comical effect.

2. I am an Italian near-purebred, and I do not sense any more derogatory stereotyping in this post than is included in Cake Boss, a leading TLC tv show. No offense taken!

3. I loved the creativity and humor! This was a great post. People who have a problem with it are most likely

a) not Italian
b) overly sensitive (eg. no sense of humor)
c) think about being politically correct so much that they become unpolitically correct, themselves, by posting such absurdities
d) (most likely) all of the above

I am not offended in any way and I thought this was hilarious. Meh, I give you both full permission to censor any more of these comments with nonsense about racism. It's a shame we live in a society where any gesture at an individual being a different nationality and not a communistic-ly identical being is counted as "racist". Italians are glad about their heritage and do not mind other trying to imitate or humor themselves with it, as long as the respect is maintained!

Wreck on! :D

Anneke (Mudhooks) said...

I likea da special Read-Along Feature! Grazie!

Bethany said...

LOVE THE AUDIO!!!

MollyB said...

"Re-cast it with "oh lawdy, lawdy me, dis shoa am some nasty cake right heah". Howabout "Ah so! Dis cake is vely, vely, flightening!""


I've never heard anyone speak like the first example, but if you drop the "ah so" (short for "ah so desu ka" meaning something like "I see"), the second part is exactly how my mother in law speaks. If her son, my husband, is imitating her, it's how he talks because it's how SHE talks, when she speaks English. She cannot say my name; she can't even say, properly, the names of her 3 children (r, l, and v are prominent in them), because those consonants simply aren't in her language of birth, and it's HARD to learn them (as hard as it is for an English speaker to learn THEIR languages and get THEIR consonants perfect) And since she's bilingual (trilingual actually, having been forced to learn Japanese in her childhood, but she won't speak that), she speaks English quite a lot.

Noticing differences isn't racism, and if you think that simply noticing a difference IS racism, then that's in *your* head from how *you* feel about the group of people being noticed.



And FWIW, they aren't on the planet anymore, but my first stepdad's grandparents, from Italy, certainly DID speak like the post! Sounded very much like the character of F.G.Sarducci. Absolutely. English classes have almost surely gotten better, and probably more people take them, when coming over...the step great grandparents didn't take classes, they just had to learn on the fly...

So that's at least two old-school, long-dead, Italian-born people just from my extended family who did speak like that...


For the record, if I didn't see that cake being made, I'd eat it and most likely love it. I love cake and love icing!



WV: poressm...I'd need to poressm beer, which is what I prefer with cake. while eating that cake b/c the icing would make my mouth dry out!

Terrrs-uh said...

OMG I JUST DIED LAUGHING!!!!!!!

Carrietastic said...

Heh! It certainly does catch my eye!

Let Them Eat Cake said...

"Cake Wrecks! Where hilarity and nausea wrestle for dominance on a daily basis."

T-SHIRT!!!!!!!!!!!!

Culinarychiq said...

Um, is it wrong that I read this whole thing with the voice of Mario from Super Mario Bros. in my head? Itsa me, MAARIO! LOL

Anonymous said...

I'll admit, I kind of read the comments primarily to see how many people flipped out to the effect of "OMG that is the most racist post I have ever seen!!!" It took a long time to get to any negative comments, so my hopes were temporarily lifted, though predictably dashed.

I think you and Jen do a fantastic job of being funny while providing those with sensitive tastes a way out (when you put disclaimers on the phallic posts, for example.) I also think it is great that you often address the overly offended in the comments, no matter how overwrought the complaint-- they should at least appreciate that. I equally applaud you for not backing down on your decisions. I'm sure that you and Jen put a lot of thought into what you post or don't post, and anyone who reads this site regularly knows you do not set out to be hurtful or offensive.

Keep up the good work.

Oh, and I too thought the first one was some sort of weird sausage collage.

--kate

Anonymous said...

Seriously?

foreign accent = comedy is so . . . old timey

I'm a little disappointed that this is the best a couple of brilliant nerds could come up with. But I guess you can't win 'em all. Tomorrow is another day.

SuperDaisy said...

Ha!
The Alphabet Gang beat me to it-
I wasn't able to play the audio clip, but i heard Father Guido Sarducci's voice anyway!

Whatever happened to that guy, anyway?

Cara said...

I guess I'm someone who doesn't really have a sense of humor, then.

But I think that the issues are:
1) First, as many people have said, if the cakes are Italian, as in from Italy, then the accent really doesn't match, as you are using a stereotypical Italian-American accent.

2) While I hear you that you are Irish and they have also been persecuted, as someone of Italian heritage, I am wondering how often people have truly treated you differently for being Irish(-American?). There have actually been many times in my life as someone with a very Italian last name that people have used this accent, or asked me if I have family in the mob, or asked me if I speak Italian, or if I listen to opera at home, etc. even though I'm a third-generation American.

Of course, some Italian-Americans don't mind continuing to be portrayed as the white "other," hence the currently popular TV shows. And maybe it's just a Jersey thing, as I really don't know anyone who actually speaks like that (I am from upstate NY).

What you were doing in the post wasn't merely pointing out a linguistic difference, therefore, as I'm sure you know that most Italian-Americans don't speak the way you did in the post. You can say it's all in jest, and I'm sure it was, but I hope you can at least appreciate while some people find it offensive because it continues to stereotype, not just because of the use of the accent, but because of what the accent itself connotes.

SuperDaisy said...

Just read the rest of the posts, and I have to say-
Yeah, john! and Stoich91! and MollyB!

That is all.

Carrie Miller said...

I'm so glad that Father Guido Sarducci could lend a hand!

john (the hubby of Jen) said...

Hey all,

So comments were fun but I'm just gonna go ahead and shut them off since the only ones we'll get from this point will be telling me what a hapless schmuck I am. Alas, maybe you're right. I would encourage you to read through the comments as I'm sure your concerns were voiced already and your feelings on the matter represented fairly. Please allow me to end with this:

-I was not implying anything about the Italian people.

-I did not mean to imply any stereotype.

-I do not believe I said anything in the post that was derogatory to Italian people.

I simply tried to make a few of you laugh with a story about a fictional bakery and a fictional baker with a cool accent. I hope some of you enjoyed the post and I am truly sorry if you were offended.

Best,

john