Friday, August 27, 2010

Perfectly Punctual

Friday, August 27, 2010

Anyone who claims punctuation doesn't matter has clearly never read Eats, Shoots & Leaves.

Or seen any of these cakes.


Well, well, well, "Emily." (IF that's your REAL name.) Just what are we celebrating here, hmm? Perhaps a sham cover operation for impostor Hello Kitty cakes?


Parenthetically speaking, can we all please agree that parentheses really never belong on a cake?

The fact that the left side looks like a "C" isn't helping.

Then again, I bet this group of birthday gals was the most popular party at the restaurant. ("Hollaback, girls!")



You know what they say: "The only thing that conveys exuberance better than an ellipsis...


[sing-song] "...is a peeer-iod!"

And there was much rejoicing.


No, seriously. You should have SEEN this rejoicing. It was off the hook. Totally crazy.


Of course, for the Wreckerators who aren't satisfied with traditional, "real" punctuation, there's always one of these options:

That thing after the "Wow" is called a dinglehopper.

And this is the "wavelamation":

See how well it distracts from the misspelling? You can barely see the "differance!"



Nichole P., Lisa M., Luisa F., Rebekah, Millco, & Vanessa B., maybe we should all start using Victor Borge's phonetic punctuation while ordering:


Sure, it won't help any, but I'd pay good money to see someone try.


And by "good money," I mean a nickel.
Fluffy Cow said...

Witty commentary, pathetic cakes AND Victor Borge?

I love you guys.

The Boob Nazi said...

haha I thoroughly enjoyed that book as well.
My niece went through a quotation-mark-in-the-air period. She once used it for her aunt's name. It was hilarious, like she didn't believe it was really her.

Kat said...

Oh! Thank you, thank you for the Victor Borge reference!!! He's such a legend, and yeah, he has particularly useful ideas for those ordering cakes.

When I was a teenager, my piano teacher asked me if I was going to see Victor Borge's show. I said: "Victor Borge, who?" Alas, I didn't go, and it was one of his last performances before his death. One of the greatest regrets of my life. :/

Toriisen said...

ROFL! I rememeber watching a video about that guy when I was a kid with my parents. And you post it the day my mom comes out to visit. Thanks Jen!

Tricia L said...

The wreckiness of the decorations more than distracts from the "punctuation".

#1 Hello Kitty after being run over by a steamroller

#2 Chocolate ooooozzzzzing over the edge

#3 "I didn't know Rick was so fond of roses."

#4 "Wow, that's really orange icing. UT fan?"

#5 LBah?

#6 "Is that a nightcrawler? I'll get my fishing pole."

Anonymous said...

Hooray for the Victor Borge clip. Hadn't seen that one in years.

AmyRaz

WV = pirsp, which is the phonetic spelling of one of those Borge noises, I'm sure

Trevor said...

LOL This is great. I was thinking the wavelamation was a cross between a question mark and an exclamation point. Maybe they were a little confused on their feelings?

Let Them Eat Cake said...

wavelamation: disguising a question mark as an exclamation point. "No, really, we *mean* it. Sincerely (wavelamation)"

ClothDragon said...

But it would be a good nickel, right? Not one of those plastic things they use to teach kids the value of money?

Anonymous said...

That last cake's "wavelamation" looks like it could have been a question mark.

Sharon said...

LOVE LOVE LOVE Victor Borge! Thank you for posting this.

Sharon's Edible Art

Amy said...

Never mind the odd punctuation, what is going on with the all girls/call girls cake's icing? Is that some sort of melted fudge icing ON TOP of the traditional buttercream? Yuck!

Sharon said...

Ohhh...just had to post this. The word verification is "flogin". Every wreckerator should be subjected to a flogin when they mess up.

Sharon's Edible Art

Anonymous said...

These things are hilarious. I mean, did they miss English class EVERY DAY in elementary school? And I LOVE that video :). Thanks for the laughs! (*Shwick* *Pboik*)

Sarah said...

Victor Borge and badly punctuated cakes! What more could I ask for on a cold wet Friday in August?

You rock - thank you.

KellyK said...

No way is that a dinglehopper...it doesn't look like a fork *or* a hairbrush. :)

Anonymous said...

That so-called grammar book is inconsistent prescriptivist tripe. :-)

Anonymous said...

Ah, thank you for the Victor Borge vid. So many memories of watching him as a kid!

Somehow, I could imagine a call-in for a cake, using his punctuation phonetics... the wretched wreckorators would likely SPELL OUT the sounds.

I'm not sure I really want to think about that.

BTW - FTW with the (all girls)!!

~~Di

wv - ciallin... uh, isn't that a brand name of something in wreckorator speak?

Gary said...

Well, I hope the Call Girls did have a happy birthday. I'm only sorry I wasn't invited to their party.

Gary said...

The Boob Nazi sez:
"My niece went through a quotation-mark-in-the-air period. She once used it for her aunt's name. It was hilarious, like she didn't believe it was really her."

Hmm, if my aunt went by "The Boob Nazi," I'd be tempted to put that handle in quotes, too.

Rachelkachel said...

I think you mean ellipsis, not ellipse. My favorite punctuation mark...

Gary said...

Clarification: I have several aunts, and none of them is called "The Boob Nazi." I was just thinking hypothetically, back there.

Julie said...

LOVE Victor Borge! But that phonetic spelling might get spit all over the cake counter when ordering in the store.

Hello Kitty appears to have severly swollen glands, and I think Cindy may actually be celebrating her 50th delivery as a midwife, hence the space in Birth Day.

WV: talited "Who needs talited cake decorators? Vive la differance!"

Anonymous said...

hey i think a dinglehopper is the bent up for that ariel uses to bursh her hair out on the little mermaid...wow i just realized i watch entirely too much tv with my kids! lol :)

Elissa said...

I love Victor Borge. That video cracks me up every time.

I don't thing phonetic punctuation would do a darn bit of good with wreckerators, though. You'd just get a lot of cakes with "Pfffff Bbt" on them.

WV: bacen. It's surprising how often bacen shows up on cakes.

Angela K said...

Your...(my) "HEROE" !

French Bean & Coffee Bean said...

Wow. I friend of mine recently returned my copy of Eats, Shoots and Leaves after a two-year hiatus and I've decided (for old time's sale) to re-read it.

Then I see your post. Freeeeaaaaakyyyyyy!!!

-French Bean

Anonymous said...

Love Victor Borge, but thought the video was boring. Haven't had my coffee yet. I thought that one cake said "Wowth" -- I was disappointed that it wasn't for Elmer Fudd.

Anonymous said...

Victor Borge**!!

He's one of my favorites*!!

*note the keeping of theme with extra punctuation

**I'm probably the only person 25 or under that has ever heard of him I swear.

ladyrazorsharp said...

Poor Hello Kitty. She looks like she has a goiter or the mumps.

Dinglehopper is my new favorite word. I plan to use that as often as I can today.

Victor Borge: Always classic. As I recall, he did a version of this piece on Sesame Street, teaching kids about punctuation. That's where I remember him from. =)

WV: Badish: The phonetic spelling of a cymbal crash. As in: "bump-bump-badish!"

GrnEyes said...

Oh my, it appears that Hello Kitty has a thyroid problem!
Love the (all girls) cake, can't imagine what would prompt them to write that, couldn't they have just said "Ladies"?
My favorite thing about Rick's cake is not only the anticipation but the sudden change of capitalization! (Note the D in birthday)
Oh and Cindy's cake, well that's just a prize, not only multiple periods but a whole mishmash of mixed capitalization! This cake is NOT case sensitive! :)
Both those punctuation marks on the last two cakes appear to be sea-sick exclamation points. Oh and let's also not forget how the "M" in "make" appears to have an extra leg! Guess that makes their "differance" MMMMMMM good!

Amy Park said...

I love to hate unnecessary "quotation marks" and apostrophe's. I once passed a bar with a sign that said: NO ONE UNDER "21" ADMITTED. (*wink, wink*) Really, the only thing on that first cake that should be in quotes is "Hello Kitty." Thanks for making my day, as usual.

Arguing with a Doughnut said...

One of my favorite things is the "sarcastic" exuberance. I have a shirt that says:

"ACTORS" do it on stage.

"ACTORS"!?!? Haha!

Crissylady said...

I'd just like to point out that the video is almost a wreck since whoever posted it called it Phonetic Pronunciation instead of Phonetic Punctuation. At least they spelled it right!

john (the hubby of Jen) said...

Gary,

I actually laughed hard at your comment. I love The Boob Nazi but I think I might put air quotes around that too.

"Like, oh my gosh! My aunt Julie (") The Boob Nazi(") she is like... so... cool!"

See? It kinda works.

john

ps. I thought everybody had an aunt they called The Boob Nazi.

Sheri at The Loopy Ewe said...

While I like dinglehoppers and try to use them in writing as often as possible, that is clearly a dead exclamation point, which is not nearly as exciting.

Lou (Rogue) said...

Wow the call girls one. Too good.

Also, "differamce" is what that cake is really saying.

Forgotten Fancy said...

I'm taking a business communication class right now and read Eats, Shoots and Leaves. It's just crazy what you see sometimes from "professionals". Love these!

Hey, I got your book today! It's awesome :)

Anonymous said...

Cake #1: Go figure. The wreckerator forgot the quotations around Hello Kitty because I’m really sure that’s not Hello Kitty.

Cake #2: I was thinking about the How I Met Your Mother episode about Woo girls. What's a Woo Girl? A Woo Girl, is a type of young woman, who like the Cuckoo bird or the Whip-Poor-Will, gets the name from the signature sound she makes. "Wooooo!" A woo can be elicited from a certain song coming on the jukebox ("Sweet Home Alabama" plays); to half-priced shots; from a ride on a mechanical bull; to, well, pretty much anything.

Cake #3: What’s up with the small D in birthday? Also makes you wonder if there was some sort of inside joke with that cake...

Cake #4: HaPPy 50TH. Birth Day CiNDY. O.M.G. Some in cursive; some not. Some in lowercase and caps. Happy 50th what? Anniversary? Customer to get a cake from this bakery? Poor, poor Birth Day Cindy.

Cake #5: It could be WOW+. The wreckerator thought a regular WOW wasn’t special enough for LBah. I dunno, looks like it might be a snarfblat to me ;-)

Cake #6: Wavelamation looks like a word verification.

Imagine how much fun emoticons would sound phonetically? :-)

wv properma: When people use a comma properly.

ladycrim said...

Just when I thought this blog couldn't be any more awesome, you added a Victor Borge clip. Thank you!

Molly Malone said...

Spelling and punctuation are two of my biggest pet peeves! If I received a cake like any one of those I would have to beat the giver to death with a whisk!

Steve the Pocket said...

Isn't a wavelamation one of those terms Mort Walker came up with?

Everyone else has said it, but props for posting Victor Borge. We own a tape of one of his performances (probably the same one PBS re-airs roughly once a year during pledge week). "That is my reward. The rest goes to the government."

CAPTCHA word of the day: "blersac" - no definition, but once when we were playing Perquacky (it's like Scrabble with dice) late at night, and we were starting to get high from the sleep deprivation, we started making up words and one of them was "quirplimbersak".

Meg said...

Of course, this means someone has to send you a video of them trying to order a cake using verbal punctuation. And by "someone," I mean "someone other than me."

Siouxzr said...

I am so impressed that some one knows enough call girls turning 30 at the same time that their names apparently won't all fit on the cake. On the other hand it could be a tribute to thirty year old call girls around the world.

Woo hoo!

Jenn said...

I LOVE that book! Eats, shoots, and leaves is my favorite grammar commentary. I need to put that on my kindle.

Also, that last cake! It looks like they got stuck deciding between a ? and ! and decided to split the difference. (excuse me, differance).

Winona said...

A Victor Borge mention makes any day better.

Courtney C. said...

I love the book Eats, Shoots and Leaves! If you haven't read the children's book edition that goes with it, do it! It's great!

WV: winsides- ex: "There were no winsides to those wrecks."

Lisa said...

I love Victor Borge. The End. (Mostly because I have no original thoughts about these cakes.)

wv: arymo (Remember the Arymo!)

jilly-bear said...

Love Victor Borge... I dont make the sound effects but I do say

"However (comma)"

daughtersheart said...

Thank you for referencing two of my favorite punctuation-related things: Eats, Shoots and Leaves & Victor Borge's brilliance. (And this, kids, is how we correctly use a hyphen, commas, parentheses and a colon. Class dismissed.) ;)

Sam Gamgee said...

Eats, Shoots & Leaves and Victor Borge???

I love you.

Kelly said...

Video comment: I had a professor who did that routine during freshman orientation in college years ago. I'd never watched the original. Thanks for sharing the fun.

Emily said...

I'm still laughing at the first- not just over the punctuation! My friends nicknamed me Hello Kitty!

Joanna said...

Hurray hurray hurray for the "Eats, Shoots and Leaves" reference!! This is why you are my favorite blog!

Eli said...

Love the "Rick" cake - the ellipses make it seem like there's more to come. I know there's not because it's just a cake, but a girl can hope!

Anonymous said...

This is why i love/ always read cake wrecks. i was having an awful day and this made me laugh at the right time. thanks so much for putting a smile on my face!

caferacers66 said...

not that I support big pharma but frankly the dinglehopper looks like a little blue pill might help.

Melinda said...

Rick's cake really makes me wonder what the "other shoe" is. "Happy Birthday Rick...but I want a divorce." "Happy Birthday Rick...sorry about the syphilis."

Anonymous said...

I love that Victor Borge. I loved when he was on Sesame Street when I was little.

Anonymous said...

Ahh the power of puncuation

Anonymous said...

Stop! Stop! It hurts! It hurts! No more Cake Wrecks today! IT HUUUUUURTS!

Rebecca

Anonymous said...

Ah, these cakes always make me laugh.

Loved the Monty Python and the Holy Grail reference too! :)

-Katy

Craig said...

I think extraneous quotation marks have a snarky quality, which must explain their current popularity. Or perhaps the intent is to make the reader think the cake is talking. I know I was fooled.

#1 An alias had to be used because "Emily" wasn't supposed to know about the secret genetic engineering program involving Hello Kitty and a squirrel.

#3 That could be a flirty ellipsis, or it could be a 'watch your back' ellipsis. Maybe both. Ulp.

#4 CiNDY had only been out with Mr. Movie Phone a few times; she never imagined that he would call in a cake order on her behalf.

#5 "The customer wants two exclamation points after 'Wow'? Check. Whoops, forgot to plan ahead again -- well, I can still squeeze in the second one."

#6 sets a new standard for passive-aggressive inscriptions. The wavelmation is just straight enough to qualify as an exclamation point, yet curvy enough to suggest a question mark. Sneaky, especially when combined with the clever use of a newly-coined word.

Ah, the great Victor Borge. From the days when people could go to a live show and not have to make a mad dash for the ear bleach immediately afterward.

Cutelilsnot said...

I laughed so hard at Victor, my hubby opened the bathroom door and asked if I needed help. After starting school (4th grade) this week, Mr. Borge was JUST what I needed - wellllll...Mr. Borge AND Cake Wrecks :)

Anonymous said...

If Leah is 13, why are there only 10 candles on the cake?

Anonymous said...

Maybe they added the extra lil dots on poor ol' Ricky's cake so nobody would notice that they demoted the "d" on Birthday.

Fysh Phoenix-- said...

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 Eats, Shoots & Leaves rocks my socks! Especially the illustrated edition with all the sweet panda pics!

Anonymous said...

I always laugh so hard at your posts, but today decided that I had to leave a comment. Thank you SO much for the video... I have tears streaming down my face!!

Arlene said...

That first cake should also have "Hello Kitty" since that thing looks more like a mouse with skinny legs than the cute kitty lol. Imposter! As for the 30th birthday cake for call girls.. lol that is how it looks to me. Makes me wonder who picked this cake up from the bakery.

MissNay said...

A rare comedic genuis that man was...

hyphen8 said...

Like I didn't already love this blog: you just had to put in a Victor Borge link, didn't you? I actually saw him once, and he really truly was that funny.

I bet he would've loved your blog too.

Word verification: hypitic
Somehow oddly appropriate for me.

Nette said...

The "Happy Birthday Rick..." cake also looks weird because she put a capital "D" in "birthday." Who capitalizes in the middle of a word???

richyisrichy said...

on that last one did anyone else see "you make a differance?"

Becka said...

Hehe, I once used that Victor Borge sketch at a speech competition... and won. Teehee.

MissRon said...

Oh my! Victor Borge is hilarious! I personally prefer his 'Inflationary Language'. Hilarious stuff! Man, I need to upgrade from my VHS tapes of him to dvd I think. And records to cd's!

JennyF said...

I LOVE Victor Borge -- my parents took me to see him in concert when I was too young to get half the jokes. Thanks for including his video in this post, I had forgotten how funny he was.

Anonymous said...

Love that book! That should be required reading.

Anonymous said...

Actually, I think the dinglehopper looks sort of like an alef (Hebrew letter) so it seems somewhat appropriate for Leah's 13th birthday!

Anna said...

I love the word wavelamation!

Anonymous said...

I try to use the word "dinglehopper" any chance I get. See; I just used it.

The Smiths said...

You are amazing. I owe my mental health to your amazing ability to make me literally "LOL" nearly everytime I visit this site. Really. I am thankful for the years you add to my life when I belly laugh my stress away. Whatever you get paid for this, it's not enough. Thanks!

shikishinobi said...

I studied Professional Writing and Editing for a year, drilled in the basics and advancements of writing and editing for both novels and journalism. What we have here is a failure in standard english, which seems a pretty good prerequisite for writing anything. Lordy!

Jade Carver said...

You absolutely made my day with the Victor Borge reference. He is my favourite comedian ever. I have one of the CDs of a live performance of his, I've listened to it so many times I just about have it memorised :)

sophia said...

Happy Birthday to Call girl belated.........

Sylvia said...

he he! Dinglehopper! Great word. I would like to see more cakes with dinglehoppers on them please

Daverator said...

it looks more like a question mark that they're trying to disguise as an exclamation - "You Make a Difference?"

Cari said...

Did you really reference Eats Shoots and Leaves? My fave! And right along with a Victor Borge post!! You've been my unofficial favorite site for quite some time. I hearby upgrade you to "favorite". You are "welcome".

Ami said...

Thank you for sharing the Victor Borge link! I'd never heard of him, but he is absolutely amazing! Clean and classy humor. :)

Cupcakes Lady said...

Love Victor Borge! Thank you for posting this. xx

Bhakti said...

Dear Jen and John---You must stop. You are getting me into some deep trouble here in the altered state of New Jersey.
I am disabled, therefore, I live with my parents who are almost 70 years old. Quite frankly, they need their beauty sleep and they can't get any when I am lying here on the couch in the living room laughing my buttocks off (I wish I could laugh my butt off...well, about 5-10 pounds of it, anyway, considering I can't exercise...due to the fact that I'm a crip ass).

"Well, Well, Well, 'Emily' (if that IS your name)" made me laugh so hard my neck almost broke. In fact, if it hadn't already broken once and wasn't made out of titanium plates and screws, I'm sure it would have broken.

I need to go put ice on my neck. The ice bills are piling up. Medicare doesn't pay for ice. I think you should send me some ice since laughing so hard at your blog makes my neck hurt.

I love "your" blog because your the best in the world and no one could ever be as funny as you're.

Thank you for the laughter!!!! Seriously, I cannot begin to telling you how much joy bring you to my life.

Under Neat That,
Bhakti


wv "icsoch" Your blog icsoch a blessing!