Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Sam's Club

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Frequently, a bakery will receive a kit of plastic flotsam to construct a cakey character. This past week, the character of choice has been dear old Uncle Sam. Or at least, I think it has.

As a reminder, here's Uncle Sam:

Cake, you say? Your wish is my command, Sammy!


Pinstripes have never been more slimming.
Why, you can practically see right through him!


I was unaware that Uncle Sam had access to my grandfather's closet:

Remember: The higher you hike your pants, the more you love America!


Here Uncle Sam stars (and stripes) in "Red, White, and You!: A Musical"


Aaand...Jazz hands! Kick, ball, change... kick, ball, change...


Sweet Betsy Ross' ghost, are those cannonballs in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?


Ug, I can't look at these wretched CCC's any longer. I need to see a real cake that actually looks somewhat like the famous personification of our Federal Government, Uncle Sam. C'mon, bakers!


A Shih Tzu wearing a popcorn bucket. Wow.
God Bless America.


You know, Asia P, Shelley B., Kayla T., Jordan J., and Beckie, that last cake could also be rock guitarist Buckethead, famous for shredding out tunes while sporting a Kentucky Fried Chicken bucket on his head. Hey, I smell a conspiracy! Or maybe just too much icing...

Tricia L said...

"A Shitz Tzu wearing a popcorn bucket."

Did not see that one coming. Should have learned by now not to take a big mouthful of water BEFORE scrolling down.

Anonymous said...

Shitzu wearing a popcorn bucket - hahaha. Did you notice the eyes follow you everywhere?

Amanda Mac said...

The commentary on the last one made me spit my coffee all over the computer screen. :)

jo said...

A Shitz Tzu wearing a popcorn bucket. ROFL

That description is spot-on! Meanwhile, #3 looks like an anatomy lesson gone astray. A skeleton with two femurs and no ribs....but a skeleton nonetheless.

and call me crazy, but I like the cannonball jacket. it's cartoonishly festive, albeit lumpy.

my s-i-l has a shitzu. I have to to show her that picture....she'd buy him a cake.

The Thomans said...

I just need to point this out (and I'm not sure why - normally I can just let my inner Spelling Police lay dormant, but for some reason I can't this time): Shih Tzu. I would not know this is the proper spelling, except that we have a Shih Tzu and I made myself learn how to spell it correctly).

Also, "Jazz Hands" Uncle Sam is really amusing me.

LeeAnn said...

Jazz-hands Uncle Sam has some... ahem... suspicious red bulgy areas in the lap region. He really likes Independence Day... or has gout.

The Thomans said...

I just feel the need to point this out (and I'm not sure why, because normally I can keep my inner Spelling Police in check, but...I can't): Shih Tzu. I wouldn't know this except that we have a Shih Tzu and I forced myself to learn the proper spelling.

Also, love "Jazz Hands" Uncle Sam.

corianne said...

*sigh*

Jen, it seems your work is never done. This post has convinced me to go on a nationwide tour of bakeries, to decry the evils of CCCs.

wv: nerchie
quite coincidentally, this was the sound I made in the back of my throat upon seeing these wrecks.

Lauren Borquez said...

"A Shitz Tzu wearing a popcorn bucket. Wow."

Umm yea that just totally made my day LOL

Anonymous said...

Uncle Sam #3 might want to make an appointment with his urologist! Yikes!

Cara said...

I think that "Shitzu" looks more like a "Maltese"! ;o)

postmommy said...

Oh man...I just snorted coffee out my nose. That last one is especially horrifying. I'm always in awe in how people can make these things and not be totally embarassed by them...

Anonymous said...

Shitz Tzu wearing a popcorn bucket - hilarious. I'm crying from laughing so hard.

Galadriel said...

Those CCC's look like a cross between Keebler Elves and Colonel Sanders.

Trevor said...

That last one looks like someone's version of a Greatful Dead piece of art, doesn't it?

Half Assed Kitchen said...

I think that last one is a Pokemon character. Or something? A snowman?

Kimberly Chapman said...

Geez, I always knew Uncle Sam had a pair but the drooping codpiece on Fabulous Musical Sam there is downright creepy. Or maybe he just needs his prostate checked. Either way...nrrrrggghhhh*shudder*.

BADKarma! said...

A VAMPIRE Shitz Tzu wearing a popcorn bucket. Look at the eyes...

WV - Shallie - The eternal wreckorator's dilemma: "Shallie use the flotsam kit, or shallie just invent my own special, unique wreck?"

Jenni @ Project Cookie 365 said...

I-yi-yow! Those are some... err... interesting Uncle Sam CCC's (Pattooie) I can't wait until the world gets over this CCC fad.

kosmic said...

At least the shoes got a break on the last one!

NYCGirl said...

I think the third one is Uncle Sam-as-football-player. Or maybe a football player's x-ray.

The last one has demonic eyes. :(

Beth said...

The last one is hysterical!!
My 4 yr old daughter said it was terrible.
Next time I make popcorn I'm going to check the house for any stray shitz tzus first...

S said...

*blink* He looks like Colonel Sanders in those plastic heads. :|

David said...

"A Shitz Tzu wearing a popcorn bucket."


AHHHAHAHA! Too funny!

Connie Moreno said...

These are GREAT...horribly great!

Moggypie said...

Definitely,the shih-tzu wins, paws down. Seriously though, all that plastic crap. It ends up in landfills and the ocean, doesn't it? That's about as depressing as their role in making ugly cakes and depriving bakers of their imagination and skills. Even if the latter are dubious :)

Keeley said...

Laugh out loud funny today Jen!

All those Uncle Sams are kinda bow-legged. With really big blue hips. "Do these cupcakes make my hips look big?"

That shitzsu will haunt me in the movie theater from now on, with its big blue eyes boring into mine every time I reach into the popcorn bucket. Do you hear cellos?

Anonymous said...

It's Shih Tzu.

gingerzing1967 said...

Nevermind that the words "Uncle Sam" and "CCC" should not be in the same sentence when ordering --or ever. However my mother disagrees with the last one. It is not a Shiztu, but an albino hamster with a hat.

the rabbi's wife said...

I really thought the original Uncle Sam had a striped hat,not all white like the example pic. Not that it's any excuse for the CCCs...

Joshua said...

The "shih tzu wearing a popcorn bucket" looks like everyone's favorite paper-thin rapping dog, PaRappa the Rapper.

The Boob Nazi said...

That last one made me laugh so hard.

Bree said...

I think we've got a post where the actual cake is worse than the CCC's!

My mom has a 3 month old Shih Tzu puppy and it was like her face was staring back at me, begging her to save her from the wreckerator.

Anonymous said...

Jen: it's Shih Tzu, not Shitz Tzu. Tsk Tsk Tsk. :)

Anonymous said...

bwahahahaha those are fugly

Karen said...

um, speaking of ball change, anyone notice that the positioning of the "leg" cupcakes in the third CCC was a bit, uh, unfortunate? The white icing looks enough like pant legs that the spillover of the red looks waaaaaay too much like a stuffed groin...

Anonymous said...

People, UNITE!
Refuse all flotsom in protest. Depictions of Uncle Sam are butt ugly and just wrong.
Let stores have to get rid of these horrors.
Jen, love your bonmots.

mocking

Fanboy Wife said...

Do other countries have to put up with this sort of nonsense?

Anonymous said...

Better watch out...PETA will come get you for the Shitz Tzu comment...

Keeley said...

Oops I apologize, I didn't look at the post closely enough--kudos to Number 1 for the laugh out loud funnies today.

Luna Nightshade said...

hahaha, the "musical" sam has one giant ball, lolol.

Anonymous said...

cannon balls indeed. the popcorn bucket was just in need of blue star stickers...ahahaha!

Alison said...

Yet another reminder to never think that wrecks can't get any worse. And I thought yesterday was awful....

Christine said...

That last one looks like Dr. Seuss' Cat in the Hat.

ladyrazorsharp said...

You know, the first one wasn't that bad, but unfortunately it just went downhill from there. Although I will say that for CCC's (ptoie!) with plastic flotsam, these are probably some of the least offensive examples thereof. Which is scary.

The last one--I dunno, I was thinking more of a KFC bucket than popcorn, but I understand where you're coming from. ;)

Suzanne said...

Sorry, but that last one is just plain evil. The eyes!

WV: uncysor. I'd give my uncysor for a cake like that!

Anonymous said...

Dude. Those are some serious 'muffin-tops'. Poor old Sam's been putting on some weight over the years. Aren't we all.

More cake, anyone?

Rachel said...

The last one the hat kinda looks like the hats worn at Hot Dog on a Stick!! Those were GREAT!!! I love your blogs. I always have to go on here once a day.

Anonymous said...

Popcorn, fireworks, tomayto, tomahto – hey, they both explode! And what's more patriotic than exploding things? ;-)

Anonymous said...

*Shih Tzu

Mary Connealy said...

Blogger is acting weird today.

Heather said...

I have never laughed so hard at Cake Wrecks until today. The Shitz Tzu comment had me laughing so hard and now I must figure out how to get sweet tea off the keyboard!

Mary Connealy said...

Just when I started to blame all the cake world's ills on the cupcake cake.

Char said...

Down with CCC's!!!!

Anonymous said...

Laughing out loud at work here, but fortunately no one else was in the office at the time. A Shitz Tzu! Popcorn bucket! I'll bet he's one happy puppy after eating all that corn. Isn't popcorn patriotic?

wv: poplafts - staccato laughter brought on by viewing Cakewrecks' popcorn pup.

Jackie

Anonymous said...

My 16 yr old son has decided that I must give warning before opening Cakewrecks.

He can leave house prior to the weirdly scary bursts of laughter, howls, hoots and cackles.

*popcorn bucket* Hoo.. breathe... breathe.... breathe...

~~Di

Laurie said...

The first cake made me think Colonel Sanders with a codpiece. Just remember, there are people out there buying these things and bringing them to family gatherings, where the rest of the family has to decide if it's a joke or not.

Catherine said...

Fosse fosse one, fosse fosse two.....

elissa said...

That's not a popcorn bucket. It's a fried chicken bucket. Everyone knows that.

"Guppy" Honaker said...

The Uncle Sam "I Want Cake" was my favorite. Wish I had seen that before baking my 4th of July cake!

- David

Aloe Vera 101
Holistic Health Info.
Forever Living Products

Anonymous said...

Notice the placement of the price tag on "Red, White, and You!: A Musical" Did someone actually pay money for this?

kisekileia said...

I was also thinking Cat in the Hat for the last cake.

Anonymous said...

I was creeped out by the last one (it looks sort of zombieish or something if you think it's a human), but then I read your comment, and I couldn't stop laughing. A shih tzu in a popcorn bucket...that's going to keep me laughing for days.

T said...

as bad as the CCCs were (and they were hideous) the popcorn bucketed dog cracked me up!!!

Anonymous said...

I'm a little concerned about where the price sticker is on the "musical" version. It makes me think of one of the bars you put on the screen to cover up something inappropriate.

Anonymous said...

"Did you notice the eyes follow you everywhere?"

OK - I feel like an idiot even admitting this, but after reading that comment, I actually scrolled back up and than swayed back and forth in front of my computer screen to see if the eyes really DID follow me!! They do. Spoooky!

Jody said...

Jody

LeftWingLock said...

I love little foofy white dogs, so that last cake is my favorite. It's also flotsam-free, which makes the blue zombie eyes and the demented little smile seem far less creepy than the dirty old man ccc's that preceded it.

Tammy Jex Mayrend said...

You all killed me with the witty retort as well as the cakes themselves... THANKS GOD I wasn't drinking a beverage at the moment.

Erin - Thrift Madness said...

"A Shitz Tzu wearing a popcorn bucket. Wow. God Bless America."

LMFAO!

Anonymous said...

My two-yr-old walked up when I got to the last one. His reponse? "Scary." I was thinking how much it actually did resemble our Shitz Tzu.

Anonymous said...

I was looking at the last cake, staring actually, thinking how much it actually does resemble our Shitz Tzu, when my 2 yr old walked up and yelled "SCARY!" at the screen.

Anonymous said...

I can't tell you how badly I need an
"I WANT CAKE!" poster for my kitchen! Especially around the 4th of July....I didn't see one in the "stuff" section...any chance?

Isolder74 said...

Of course all of those seem to be the Evil creature known as a CCC. Is there such a thing as a good CCC or is that an impossible thing to make?

ladyrazorsharp said...

@Rachel--LOL you are so right! The Shih Tzu's headgear DOES look like the goofy caps worn by Hot Dog on a Stick employees! The thought crossed my mind but I wasn't sure if anyone else outside of Southern CA would get it. XD

roballen said...

The last one looks like that demented Cat in the Hat in the horrible live action movie of a few years ago.

And yes, its eyes do follow you.

Anonymous said...

I'm with Rachel. That last one is definitely working for Hot Dog on a Stick.

sarahbeara78 said...

Um...so, is it just me or does "grandpa" Uncle Sam have an extreme muffin top going on there?

Jan C. said...

Right on, Tricia L. (Commenter No. 1)!

Chaos6267 said...

I think it looks more like big foot with a really bad Ki adi mundi wig. maybe... nice commentary by the way. My brother rwads this blog too but doesnt comment and he was drinking soda... and it came out his nose... it was HILARIOUS!

Wolvie Girl said...

I cracked up at the shih tzu wearing a popcorn bucket. And Uncle Sam really ought to stop wearing that blue coat. It makes his bum look big :D

Laya said...

Shih Tzu. Heh. Popcorn bucket. Heh heh. It could also be an albino Ewok. LOL. With a popcorn bucket. How I love this blog!

(PS. I've been stalking this blog for a long time now, but this is the first time I've posted a comment! Yay!)

Barbara Anne said...

"A Shih Tzu wearing a popcorn bucket." OMG I'll NEVER look at Uncle Sam the same way!!

MissNay said...

'Sweet Betsy Ross's ghost' is my favorite thing I have heard since
'60% of the time it works - every time'

You just trumped the line that brought my husband and I together...

Jenny said...

I just wanted to point out that the Red White and You cake isn't a CCC - it's a "Pull Apart Cake" according to the label next to Uncle Sam's bulge. hahahahaha

dawn said...

I see Uncle Sam with LOVE HANDLES. The last one? That looks more like some skull with a warped looking chef's hat.

Craig said...

I could buy the Shih Tzu theory, were it not for the glow-in-the-dark eyes. I know dogs' eyes shine under certain conditions, but these have a light from within that icing eyes shouldn't have. Ulp.

Now, look at the 'mouth'. Coal? Could this be the return of Frosting the Snowman?

I have to give them this: They didn't resort to plastic. They also didn't get anywhere near a reasonable facsimile, but they refused the siren song of flotsam. Integrity lives!

Arlene said...

Lmao to that last cake. It does look like a dog with a bucket on its head. As for the others.. why do they all have the same Uncle Sam decorations are they all from the same wreckerator? If so that person must be stopped immediately lol.

chunter said...

The Uncle Sam template looks more like Colonel Sanders as a cartoon.

J-Designer said...

Man! Totally had cakes with this same plastic Uncle Sam stuff @ our 4th of July Celebration...didn't get a pic of it though...didn't have my camera

Isabella said...

My only question, really, is why does Uncle Sam suddenly look like a cross between Colonel Sanders and the Keebler elf?

Terri Coop said...

Boys and girls of the spelling police. Jen often misspells words on purpose to help make her point.

Now, look at the post carefully and look at the photo.

::wait for it::

::wait for it::

Don't get it?

::sigh::

Go back to editing wikipedia articles!

Terri
www.whyifearclowns.com

WV: "plarr" Correcting SPAG in a blog post makes me go "plarrrrrr"

~* Aria *~ said...

That "musical number" Sam is actually kind of cute, like he's just going to go with the flow and make the best of being a cakewreck.

The Black Dog said...

"A Shi-tzu wearing a popcorn bucket"

BRILLIANT!

~Nikki~ said...

#1 and #2 are actually kinda cute!




check out my blog: nikkiscakery.blogspot.com

Juno said...

I have never heard (read?) sarcasim as well done as the "Shitz Tzu wearing a popcorn bucket" comment. You literally made me laugh till I cried. Well Done!!

Turnabout Musical said...

Funny enough, "Redd White & You" is a song from "Turnabout Musical".
Listen here: http://www.4shared.com/file/91678169/674bf01d/Redd_White_and_You_-_Demo__Balanced_.html

Just made me smile, haha.

J├ęssica said...

Adorei o site.;)

Anonymous said...

I LOVE BUCKETHEAD. That last cake reminded me of him before you even mentioned it :)

Sarah said...

I read your blog all the time and I don't usually comment, but I just had to share this!

Ok, so I was trying to babysit my 21 month old baby sister and read Cake Wrecks at the same time (very difficult!).

Anyways, I had the baby in my lap and when the picture of the Shizu Uncle Sam loaded the baby pointed at the screen and yelled out "Doggy! Doggy! Doggy!!!" I laughed so hard I think I peed a little. Even the baby sees it!

Anonymous said...

I'm a cake decorator and when I need a truly hearty big belly laugh I come here to your site. I'm wiping tears from laughing so hard right now on the Shitz Tzu wearing a popcorn bucket. I knew I liked your humor; I love The Far Side too...
Susan J.

Amber said...

I actually pee'd a little in my undies when I saw that last one! Wow, there are no words....only pee
-Amber

Anonymous said...

Dear Amber, when I read your post:
"Amber said...

I actually pee'd a little in my undies when I saw that last one! Wow, there are no words....only pee
-Amber
August 10, 2010 11:14 PM "

... it made me laugh 'til I cried... until... there was only pee. I did laugh at the Shih Tzu especially its spelling (my SIL has one of these 4-legged dustmops). Very funny but until your post, I swear only my own family has ever made me laugh so hard! Thank you for that, Amber!

Dear Jen, let me tell you why I love this blog so much! My sweet late Grandma and I had our own ongoing hideous cake story spanning over forty years, so these "wrecks" touch my heart. She would have loved them too. Often she and I would talk for hours long-distance and she had such great wit that there "were no words... only pee" and rather than hang up, we'd both put down the phone and go potty, then come back and talk and laugh some more. Thank you for reminding me of how very funny she always was. Makes me understand the meaning of "priceless".

Keep up the great laughs, Jen!

Love and hugs,
WD <3

Katie C said...

On "pinstripes have never been more slimming"--
The pinstripes may have been slimming in the area they covered, but if you look directly above, Uncle Sam's rather creepy-looking muffin top reveals the truth: the pinstripes only "slim" you by repositioning those few pesky pounds.

Haiku Joy said...

I'd call dibs on Sam's
cakebrains, but guess who beat me
to it? Zombie-pup.