Wednesday, May 5, 2010

The Princess Bridal Cakes

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

"Mawwiage!

Mawwiage is wot bwings us togevaaah...today."



Plus everyone's favorites: the missed marks!

As always, we start with the inspiration cake:

Oooh, aaahhh.

And follow with what was actually received on The Big Day:

Ewww, awwww...


"Mawwiage: that bwessed awangement...."




"That dweem..."


"Wivin...a... dweem!"

"Stand your ground, men! Stand your ground!"


"So tweasure your wove."


And your airbrush.


Skipping to the end...


The chocolate coating makes it go down easier.
But you shouldn't go swimming after for at least a good hour.


Stephanie M., Anony M., Amanda C., Ann B., & Jennifer, are there Wrecks ahead? If there are, we'll all be fed!


Note from John: Um... just so we're all on the same page, the first cake in the pair is what the customer wanted and the second is what they got. Carry on then, carry on! (mmmm Fruit Newtons)
«Oldest   ‹Older   1 – 200 of 222   Newer›   Newest»
Taylor said...

"Man and wife, say man and wife!"

etiquette bitch said...

I dunno, a lot of these "wrecks" actually weren't that bad. (Sorry, guys, I know you hate it when people say that.) I think the Cake gone Worst was the White/Blue/Purple circles.

Jenniffer said...

Oh wow! Now THOSE are some funny cakes, but I do feel bad for the poor brides that walked into THAT on their wedding day!!

-Jenniffer
http://cupadeecakes.blogspot.com

Jessica said...

I'm confused, are these all wrecks or non-wrecks or a mix?

Anonymous said...

This is my favorite commentary in a while... absolutely love the Princess Bride.

That second miss? So horrendous.

Rachel

Karina said...

Hooray for the Princess Bride! Bye bye boys, have fun storming the castle!

And yeah, those cakes are truly awful.

Anonymous said...

Anybody got a Peanut?

MegRN said...

that post has made my entire day...combining my favorite blog with my favorite movie....my life is complete! :)

Deirdre said...

I would give full marks to a decorator who said, "I can't do it exactly like that." To have someone say, "Sure, I can replicate that cake," and produce something so far off the mark is just wwong on so many wevels.

But twue wuv is in my heart for CakeWrecks and Princess Bride references!

The Boss Bitch said...

'Then why is there fear behind your eyes?'

Because some of those cakes are terrifying.

Dani said...

Love, love, love the Princess Bride commentary. Some of the cakes just slightly missed the mark while others were way off.

Stop that rhyming ... I mean it. Does anybody want a peanut?

Melissa said...

Okay, so I've never commented before, but I LOVE your Princess Bride references this morning! Thanks for making my morning!

Alison said...

Inconceivable!

eboucher said...

Why would anyone order a black wedding cake! Beyond me...

Galadriel said...

I loooove your Princess Bride theme today!

The "stand your ground" bit was particularly apt. Wellllll done.

As an aside, I started off my marriage ceremony quoting "Mawwiage...Mawwiage is what bwings us togevvah, today."

Stephanie said...

"Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You wrecked my cake. Prepare to die!"

Diana said...

Only one word applies here: INCONCEIVABLE!

jo said...

hi-LARIOUS commentary today, Jen! chocolate coating will go down easier...are there wrecks ahead, we'll all be fed. LOL

some of those inspiration cakes were SO PRETTY. inspires me to send my wreck to you. been meaning to do it....

NotAppealing said...

Mawwiage... Mawwiage is what bwings us togevvah... today.

And the love of Cake Wrecks. Awesome post!

Robin said...

Inconceivable!!!

I don't think some people are understanding that these are cakes that were requested, followed by the cake they actually got. The roses on top of that last one seriously scare me!

Stella said...

Princess Bride? (yeah I got the reference too) Hmmmm...I had Madeline Kahn as Lili Von Shtupp...maybe it was just me. ; )

Tracy O said...

I do not think that cake looks like you think it does... (to paraphrase)

GeekGirl said...

Ohhh... those poor brides.


"He said "to blave""

Rosie_Kate said...

LOVE the Princess Bride theme!

XOXO said...

My god, Jen.
My fave website.
My fave movie.

It's too early in the morning for this kind of glory.

The rest of the day will pale in comparison.
Always remember:
You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles.

Carrie Penny said...

I really wasn't a bridezilla or anything, but as the inspiration cakes are so lovely and give the statement, "I am not redneck white trash, make my wedding a day to remember" and the actual cakes scream "I HAVE NO TASTE AND THE PBRs ARE IN THE COOLER BY THE DANCE FLOOR"... I think I would have freaked out and possibly spent my wedding night in jail for physically assaulting the person who have the guts to deliver those cakes to my wedding...

Aliza said...

I'm not sure what's wrong with the gold cake, other than it's a LOT gold-er than the "inspiration" cake (actually, I think it looks better with more gold... but I don't havea close up so maybe I'm missing something). And at least the two chocolate ganache ones looked tasty. (OK, I confess, I'm of the "if it's chocolate all is good" school of taste-buds!).

v said...

I think the first 'wreck' wasn't so bad (definitely not as pretty as the model cake, but still), considering some of the wreckier cakes I've seen here. And the airbrush one would have been a beautiful cake if someone had just hidden the decorator's airbrush. Kind of a shame to ruin it like that, but I guess that keeps this site running!

Kimberly Chapman said...

Great, now I'm having ideas for a Princess Bride cake that I don't have time to make...

Anonymous said...

The fact that the "what they wanted" cakes are all so stunning only exacerbates how excruciating the Wrecks are.

I love these 'compare and contrast' posts. :D

Mel said...

After seeing the resulting cake I keep hearing that muted trombone go: "Wah wah wahhhhh..."

I cannot get enough of the wedding cake wrecks.

Amy said...

I'm getting married in October, and every time there's a "Missed the Mark" post, I have a small panic attack. :o)

Helen said...

man and wife

Anonymous said...

"Man and wife." Although, after I got married, I wouldn't want to share any of those cakes with my guests!

Suzi said...

Ok, so I'm with V above me here. The first wreck is slightly more forgivable than the others because at least you can tell what the inspiration was. The others on the other hand? Who knew that a cake could look antiqued? Oh the things I learn on this site!

Vic said...

Is it just me or is there a dead angel straddled on the bottom tier of the gold wreck? Kinda broke my heart.

Anonymous said...

Oh, what I wouldn't give for a holocaust cloak! To cover those hideous cakes with!

Venkman's DogMom said...

Even if the thrid Missed Mark had turned out well, I still would consider it a wreck for that dang "Bride dragging the groom to the alter" topper. I HATE those; I think they're the tackist thing ever!!!!

Miranda said...

And extending this principle, you can see why I'm divorced. I was promised a marriage like the first cake. I got one like the second.

Anonymous said...

Still not feeling bad for the people who get wedding cake wrecks.

They get what they deserve if they don't do their homework properly and pay a cheap price for something that's (almost by law) always expensive.

But hey, their pain is our pleasure. Schadenfreude!

dmvgirl said...

To the pain...to the pain means this: that some baker is going be in a lot of trouble once the bride gets a hold of him/her

Anonymous said...

Someone needs to tell the brides: "Get used to disappointment."

sendingtheclowns said...

my ...GOODNESS...................................................................................................
(Man. There are just some times when you wish you were DRUNK.)
I laughed so hard that our cats and our dog were tilting their heads at me.
The first *replicant* isn't toooo bad, as long as you don't actually see what it's SUPPOSED to look like first. (THEY obviously didn't!)
The second one, though. They have GOT to be kidding! It looks like PLASTIC! The bottoms cut off of black garbage buckets wedged together with.. with..????
More PLASTIC!! That's IT!
That last REAL cake-chocolatey, sprinkled-with-flowers oh-so delicately- is GORGEOUS, period. But the...but the...but the...
Oh, hell.
The random sprinklingness of the tiny "flowers" is the only thing they had even CLOSE to mediocre.
It's all downhill after that,
what with the plastic, tangly vine, and the shiny...leaning...blobs...
Someone dragged that in for ME to look at-?- I'd think it was a big old pile of moose poop, fresh out of the woods.
Pitiful.
=^G.G^=

Anonymous said...

I can hear the decorators talking to the freaked out brides now:
"Let me 'splain. ... No, there is too much. Let me sum up..."

Christie said...

@Anonymous: Best.line.from.the.whole.movie.

(I'm referring to, of course, "Anybody want a peanut?")

Angie said...

Wow, that second mess is a steaming heap of special. I want to know if the person who created that gem thought it looked good? Or even remotely close to the inspiration?

Kate said...

You know you've been on Cakewrecks too long if you think that the first one isn't actually all THAT bad!

Holly said...

As you wish.
Loved, Loved, LOVED this post. Nothing like a little Princess Bride to start my day! Just watch out for the ROUS

Keeley said...

Why do I see wreck #3 and think: "yellow mold climbing the cake"? Maybe the bride on the topper is trying to keep the groom from stepping off into the fire swamp?

SG said...

Pardon but I have a question/soap box... Why do they make such awful wedding toppers and make them in mass? At Walmart last night I noticed the same topper that is on that wreck. AND THERE WERE 12 OF THEM in stock right there! Surely the average bride doesn't want to be dragging her man to the alter on her cake and the average groom doesn't want his sweet bride pushing him around before the reception rice is thrown. Really is this a good idea?

Kelly said...

Best. Post. EVER!

Dottiepark said...

I see several possible instances where the original cake was done in fondant with gum paste flowers...sometimes brides ask for buttercream instead, and you have to be really REALLY good to achieve the one look using the other medium.

Keeley said...

Hey, anybody else notice that the first inspiration cake is sitting on a beautiful silver cake stand, and the gold airbrushed wreck is sitting on a tarnished version of the same stand?

Rhonda said...

Looks to me that the brides to their inspirational pictures to amateur cake artists, so they can get a cheaper cake, and expected the same results. I'm sure the cake decorators did their best with what experience they have.

Stephanie G. said...

I LOVE YOU FOR YOUR PRINCESS BRIDE POST!

Roo said...

The first "wreck" is not actually so bad. No.. it's not EXACTLY like the inspiration cake, but it is pretty.

sendingtheclowns said...

Mel said...
"After seeing the resulting cake I keep hearing that muted trombone go: "Wah wah wahhhhh..." '
******
OH, TOO PERFECT!!!! (Now I'LL be hearing that every time, too!)
There should be a sound clip attached to all of those "Not Quite There" results. wouldn't that be fun???
=^~.~^=

Those poor people...!!
Hope they didn't mind too much.
*SNORT!*

Emily said...

I perhaps love you both even more than I did simply because the abundance of Princess Bride references.

Decadent Housewife said...

The airbrushed one would pass at a golden anniversary.

Kelli said...

I know! Those cake decorators must not have been left-handed! What other explanation is there?
(LOVE Princess Bride!)

Jolyn @ Nuance Occasions said...

As a wedding planner, it truly hurts my heart to know those brides were disappointed to have received those wrecks instead of their inspiration...and double shame on those cake designers who said they could duplicate those cakes...not even close {I'm no cake baker but I bet I could do a better job - that's saying a lot!}

Jolyn | Edmonton Wedding Planner

Shannon said...

Let me just say that the judicious use of Princess Bride quotes just made my day. :)

Thanks Jen!

Anonymous said...

I love this post!

It's a combination of two of my favorites: _The Princess Bride_ and "missed mark" wedding cakes. Keep up the very good work :)

-Amy
http://stuffwriterslike.com

BecBec said...

Do you think they are using the same icing we are using? Inconceivable!

yarndork said...

I saw the link via your facebook page, and this post is worth coming out of lurking to comment on. Princess Bride is by far the best movie EVER for one-liners. I just wonder 2 things: when the bride requested the cake, did the decorator say "As you wish"? And when the cake was delivered, did the decorator then say "EVERYBODY MOVE"?

Natalie said...

These were painful.

Erin said...

I kinda feel bad for the brides, but I'm guessing they're taking a picture from a magazine of a cake that probably costs $1000 and then expecting a less experienced baker to do it for cheaper. On the other hand, the bakers need to tell them if what they want is beyond their realm of expertise.

Wrench said...

Some of these really aren't horrible; definitely not what they're supposed to be but certainly not wrecks. Others, however.... eeeeek. Of course, considering that my mother got my wedding cake from Costco and the decorations from Wal-Mart (loooong story involving a wedding I had to plan from across the country -- bottom line, don't let someone else plan your wedding unless you're VERY pushy and VERY specific about what you want!), anything looks better to me than what I ended up with!

A Girl In Her Kitchen said...

Great post today! It doesn't get better than the Princess Bride.

On a personal note, I did get in trouble for rhyming once. I couldn't understand why my Art teacher threatened to send me to the Principal's office if I didn't stop rhyming...with my friends...at our own table...while we were working productively...not being disruptive at all! I guess Mrs. M was actually Sicilian.

http://agirlinherkitchen.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

That one cake looks like it's wrapped in toilet paper. Just saying. --Alison

Anonymous said...

This was my wedding. I showed the baker a gorgeous cake with basket-weave-looking icing and fresh flowers on it ("Oh, yes, I can do that! It will be so pretty!"), and I got a plain white cake with sad, grandmotherly silk flowers poked into it.

Christy said...

If I got one of those, I can guarantee someone would wish they were mostly dead. LOL

Anonymous said...

ROTFL!! Love the Princess Bride quotes. And perfect for the wrecks features. Yeek!

Jenni @ Project Cookie 365 said...

HAH!
The funniest thing about this post is that a friend and I were definitely messaging Princess Bride quote back and forth the other day!
Inconceivable!
I don't think it means what you think it does.

I think missed marks have to be my favourites!

WV: masmo. I think a masmo might just be a R.O.U.S. En Garde!

Tricia L said...

The first inspiration cake looks like the folds of a beautiful satin wedding dress. What they got looks like toilet paper draped around the cake.

I sometimes wonder if people who order cakes actually look at the photos of cakes the bakers have done in the past (not just some sample book). If there isn't anything that looks remotely like the quality you are looking for, DON'T ORDER!!! It's that simple. You get what you pay for.

Melissa said...

Those are some serious wrecks. I am totally nerding out over the Princess Bride commentary, though.

Katy said...

Possibly my favorite movie of all time! Made this post all te better :)

Stephanie M. said...

Yay! Pairing my wreck with my favorite movie does take a bit of the sting out! :)

I'm actually the bride with that first cake in her wedding album. Unfortunately, we did pay close to a thousand for that "not too bad" thing. What you're not seeing (because my florist and photographer did their best to hide it) is the fact that the "fabric" detail is only tacked onto the front and the back end is actually sinking in on itself (in an air-conditioned room, no less!).

The bakery had multiple examples of their work (in photos and in person), and they all looked positively scrumptious. I think we just wound up with either the new guy or a sub.

Have fun storming the castle!

KittyKat said...

This combines one of my favorite websites, with my all-time favorite movie!

Very well done, and the comments had me in stitches. My kids asked me about five times if I was OK, and when I read the comments aloud we were all very amused.

Amy said...

Love that movie!!
This is why I am terrified of ordering a wedding cake!

hsfisher95 said...

AHHH, THE PRINCESS BRIDE...
MUCH LOVE for the PB and CW, ooh a fantastical combination.

Tiffany said...

I agree with MegRN - combining my favorite blog with my favorite movie is just BLISS! Pure HEAVEN!!

"This is true love - you think this happens every day?"

Jerry said...

I'm loving all the Princess Bride quotes. The cakes are sad and hideous but the quotes have made me happy.

I know somebody suffered humiliations galore when they delivered these cakes.

Sheila said...

Death (or horribly mangled wedding cakes) cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a little while. (while you scream at the wreckerator!) Love this blog and the Princess Bride references were "icing on the cake!"

Val said...

Perhaps the decorators had six fingers on their right hand? That could make draping a bit inconceivable. ;)
~Val

Anonymous said...

Im sorry but these are ALL cake wrecks. This is a wedding cake people - no one wants a cake that kinda sorta is like their dream cake. If you cant do a decent draping tell them to go somewhere else. ugh. In a perfect world you really only get one wedding cake in a lifetime - that being the case these are serious fails. Its not like you can say last years birthday cake was bad but this years was so much better.

Dread Pirate Roberts said...

@Stephanie M.
That sucks. But I like to imagine the decorator saying this while they were making your cake:

"You truly love each other and so you might have been truly happy. Not one couple in a century has that chance, no matter what the story books say. And so I think no one in a century will suffer as greatly as you will."

The Shelley Family said...

oh my goodness! i would cry if those "wrecks" were my wedding cake!
that last one looks like it is made out of toasted marshmallow....think campfire =)

Anonymous said...

So, John, does it hurt when Jen gets credit for your outstanding work? You and Number1 are worthy subs for her and this was a GREAT post - thanks!

John and Sarah Sperry said...

Yeah, yeah, a good hour.

Christina said...

Jen - I love you. If you lived closer we would definitely be friends. You make me laugh with all your inside jokes, that really, no one but me should know, and yet you say them all the time. Makes me smile. Thank you.

the Drunken Housewife said...

I think that first, drape-y cake isn't a wreck. It doesn't look as perfect as the picture, but it looks very good. The bride in that case picked a very fancy and difficult cake and got something which obviously the baker put a lot of effort and skill into, which actually did resemble her picture, and I think it's silly of her to be claiming it's a wreck.

Surely you're not lacking in real wrecks here? That one wasn't ugly or funny; it seems kind of nitpicky to call it a wreck.

On the other hand, that black and blue shiny cake is a nightmarish excrescence of sugar. Shudder. Whoever got that one must have had quite the expression on her face when she beheld it.

Rebekah said...

Hahaha! This post couldn't have been more awesome. The Princess Bride + wedding wrecks? Priceless.

Stephanie said...

best. post. ever.

Melissa said...

@Stephanie M:

That was a thousand(ish) dollar cake? Wow, yeah, that's a wreck. It'd be excusable coming from someone who does cakes once in a while, and is a friend of the bride's aunt, so she only charged half her normal rate, and the bride just insisted... But from a very expensive place? Wow.

Also, favorite type of post + well-used Princess Bride quotes = one very happy reader. Thank you for making my morning!

Goueznou said...

"It doesn't get eaten by the wedding guests at this time."

Really, the biggest problem with the gold-airbrushing one is that there doesn't seem to be any gold airbrushing at all in the inspiration. The gold is in the background of the photo, behind the cake. Which makes me the wreckorator looked at the photo, threw it away, and went off to do the cake. And then when they were almost done, they thought, "Wasn't there some gold on this?"

My wv is "hateds". I have nothing to add to that. Except I was hoping it would be "blave".

dietplaid said...

The first comparison was the definitely the worst, but the rest weren't tooo awful. Anyway, have fun storming the castle!

vmdesign said...

dmvgirl's "to the pain" comment tops them all.

Anonymous said...

My thought on looking at the cake with the two plastic characters ?
"I would jump of this horrible gooey thing too, buddy !"
Thank you for the laugh, Jen :)
- Naomi
WV : ostedi
On Wednesday, you get Weddings Wrecks, on Ostedi, you get Divorce Wrecks :D

Anonymous said...

Bow down to the cakes of slime, the cakes of filth, the cakes of PUUUtrescence!

I second the motion to hunt down those bakers and count how many fingers they have on their left hands.

-Liz in Seattle

Mandi said...

YES!!! LOVE LOVE LOVE the use of the princess bride. LOVE!

Sharon said...

The first cake isn't so bad a wreck...although it does look like it is bandaged.

The 2nd one...doesn't look like anything edible. If it wasn't on Cake Wrecks, I'd have guessed it was crowning achievement of an eight-year-old's pottery wheel class.

3rd...the roses are pretty. The ribbons are...yeah. If I got my hands on that topper, it'd would get a zombie face touchup.

4th...didn't look so bad until I zoomed in and saw the airbrush had been used after the trim was added.

5th...oh lard...meringue flowers...poo ribbons..shiny shiny sloppy icing...random silk greens...lopsided.... /facepalm

2 and 5 not only demand a refund, but a written apology.

Moira Cooper said...

*LOL* Ok, I have to share:
For our wedding, we had the minister start our ceremony with the opening lines from the wedding in the Princess Bride. We'd had friends threaten to do it for months, and they were all in shock when the minister did it, speech impediment and all. Totally hilarious. Funnier, I had family that hadn't seen the movie, and thought something went wrong with the minister. Double funny!

Fie upon this quiet life! said...

Ye gads. I hope they didn't pay for those cakes. The wedding cake business is such a racket.

Anonymous said...

Most of those cakes aren't that bad. They're not perfect replicas, sure, but they're still nice-looking cakes that were close. I'll bet the brides went to some cheap place like Walmart with fancy, hundred dollar cakes saying, "make this" not thinking about the fact that your average baker isn't at the level of the cakes they wanted.

But still, you quoted the Princess Bride so I'm distracted enough to move on.

Anonymous said...

I looked at the first pair and said, "Oh, hey, that's not that bad." Then I looked at the second pair and said, "Now THAT one, on the other hand..."

MeMaw said...

Honestly, this is a public service you are doing for all future brides, grooms, mothers thereof, and bakers wearing targets on their white jackets. You have no idea what kind of potential there is for things to go wrong at a wedding until you have gone through it, and by then it's too late.

Don't ask a beer baker for a champagne cake. Also, beware the kindly offer of a free wedding cake from a non-professional baker unless you are prepared to see it beneath a banner of Carrot Jockeys! It's worth the cost of the cake to not have to forgive someone who meant well and tried real hard. Or, who did what they could do once they figured out that what you asked for was beyond their capabilities.

wv : immene. "Did that cake melt on the way here? Immene, you did a wonderful job on that shiny cake, Bea!"

ladyrazorsharp said...

First one: Actually not too bad. A little clumsy but it's a pretty reasonable facsimile thereof.

The rest, wow. Just...wow. The phrase "It's my party and I'll cry if I want to" comes to mind. So wrecky that they'd even make Princess Buttercup lock herself in the castle garderobe and wail.

SO glad I dodged the wrecky bullet at my wedding. The bakery DID forget the topper (our initials that I'd dressed up with crystals--not very expensive) but it looked all right anyway. Maybe they were going to put them on and thought, "No, it'll be a wreck if we put these on!" =D

Shadow Rider said...

Wuv, twoow wuv..

JennyF said...

The first one doesn't miss the mark by much, but the rest?

what's up with the nasty yellow flowers? And the bride on top of that one looks like the Queen of Slime, the Queen of Filth, the Queen of Putrescence. Boo Boo!

Ayre said...

I would be one ticked off bride!!!

Laura P. said...

PRINCESS BRIDE!! Jen, I LOVE you!! Seriously, this post was so hilarious! I just about had turkey sandwich all over my monitor with the "stand your ground" Comment paired with the topper on that cake. too funny! All those poor brides.

wv: disors - short for the disortors all these wrecks were on a wedding day!

Reading Rachel said...

The black, white and purple one was the worst. Oh and the chocolate/orange one was pretty bad too.

Health Test Dummy said...

No more rhyming...and I mean it!

(anybody wanna peanut?!)

Anonymous said...

This post is making me hungry for an M.L.T. (you know... a mutton-lettuce-and-tomato sandwich where the mutton is nice and lean...)
Thanks for making my day!
- joules

Sariah said...

I haven't commented in a while, but I just had to tell you how much I love you. I can not get enough of the commentary on every post, and this one is one of the best. Seriously, both Jen and John (hubby of Jen)... You. Are. AWESOME.

Galadriel said...

Good grief, those of you saying "obviously the bride was just cheap or didn't do her homework" are jerks. Bride #1 already posted that she paid nearly $1000 to get something that IS NOT what she asked for.

For my wedding, I went with THE person in the area who was highest recommended, I checked out her work beforehand, and I paid what she was asking for my cake. It came with columns I hadn't asked for--that were wobbly--and the top toppled before we even had the ceremony. Fortunately, 1) my sister in law did a great job saying it, and 2) that was the only disaster at my wedding, so I'm not complaining much. But blaming the bride because someone else screwed up or did a poor job is just mean AND stupid.

~ ~ ~

Sorry, Jen, I don't think there's a pic of the toppled cake, or I would definitely submit it.

Anonymous said...

Oh! I just got the chocolate coating reference! :) Not even Miracle Max could fix these Wrecks!

Majka said...

Usually, I give thumbs up to the amateur baker who says: Of course I can do this!
Reading the comments - the only cake where I would say caution, not for every baker comes from expensive bakery. WOW!
All the others are sad cakes, because the baker was simply to lazy to give their best. Even a half blind Aunt Maud would see this and try to correct her wreck. I wouldn't expect perfect cake but even an inexperienced decorator can present decent work - it takes only some time and dedication. And buy the flowers if you cannot make them yourself, or explain the bride silk or real ones are the way to go!

Anonymous said...

To the blame-the-bride-ers:
Not everyone can afford an extravagant wedding. If your daddy paid for a $10000 one for you, nice for you. Research does not equal results as promised, some people claim results they can't or don't deliver.
I got a beautiful and delicious 3 tier cake for under $300 from Publix. Many of these wrecks cost way more than that.
Saying that anyone "deserves" crap like this on their wedding day because they aren't rich like you is exceptionally RUDE.

Also, I theorize that the people who don't get "inspiration" and "what they got" must be decowreckers in real life.

Alex

Ps. I looove these wanted/delivered wreck posts. My fave alltime is still the "plaid" Inspiration vs Perspiration.
Pps. Didn't appear to post so disregard if it did twice (didn't get my "your comment..." Response.

Martha said...

For the third one, I have a hunch that whoever took the design in to the decorator, took it in and said something to the effect of: I want it to look like this, BUT...
...all buttercream, fondant; no inedible parts, so no ribbon, no flowers; must make buttercream flowers.
So really, she didn't ask for the first cake at all...especially if she went in with a request to replace that flower topping with a tacky figurine of a bride yanking her groom around topper.
Decorator may not have executed 100%, but whoever ordered that is more than likely to blame, too.

I will say, that after reading this blog, when I got married a few weeks ago, I was so excited to see my cake. It searched so hard and worked on the design. I figured it it came out as beautiful as the inspiration drawing, GREAT! And if it turned out fugly, GREAT (send it in to cakewrecks).
It turned out gorgeous. :)

Anonymous said...

I don't understand why, when the inspiration cake looks like it has shiny shiny ribbon, someone thinks it's a good idea to recreate it in roughly cut fondant icing. Wouldn't a ribbon be easier?

Anonymous said...

Perhaps the (wrecky) bakers were from Guilder. Or maybe they should be sent back to where they were, unemployed, in Greenland!

Clearly, these brides fell victim to one of the classic blunders. The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia. But only slightly less well known is this: Never go to Walmart
when CAKE is on the line.
A-ha-ha-ha! A-ha-ha-ha! A-ha-ha-ha! *THUD!*
- joules, with thanks to http://scripts.popbang.co.uk/p/princess_bride/index.php

Jenn said...

Princess Bride!!! Best movie ever!! I actually walked down to the musical theme song. Anywho...

I would cry if on my wedding day I imagined what they showed me in the picture and got that instead. I would cry, and then I wouldn't pay :P

As for the last one though I don't really mind it. I think it's like the buttercream version of the picture which never looks as good but taste 10x better. Though that one doesn't look too shabby.

Quisty said...

Aw man, I'm gonna have Princess Bride quotes running through my head all day!

Seriously, inconceivable that some wreckerators don't know how to properly support a cake. It's basic common sense, no?

Sharkface said...

Ahh! Okay, they're all bad, but number 2 is just indescribable.

Melyssa said...

Wov, Twu Wov.... (just not for those cakes.. ouch!)

Kayla said...

The sad thing is that I realy wanted my preacher to talk like that for out wedding but i didn't think he would go for it. lol! Best movie EVER!

Katie said...

Best post ever! The Princess Bride is my FAVORITE movie. That and Star Wars.

Although, a couple of the "wrecks" were actually not so bad. Not as good as the inspiration cake, but not so bad. Specifically, the one with the red roses (the first one) and the white/gold one with the blossoms all over it.

The black/blue/white circles thing was horrifying though.

Anonymous said...

The cakes are fairly wrecky, but the comments about how people deserve perfection on their wedding day are a hoot.

The minister Robert Fulghum has a great story about weddings that go awry. One copy is on the web here, although it's wrecked by an annoying popup.

greengeekgirl said...

Although I do feel bad for the brides that get 'wrecked'... it makes me wonder 1) what kinds of bakeries they're taking these photos to and 2) whether said bakery exhibits the ability to create a cake like that. Cos, with a less expensive bakery... that's about the result one should expect :D

Sparky said...

I'm going to be saying "Mawwidge! Mawwidge!" all day today, thank you.

Those cakes were amazing. I'm not sure if that's good or not.

Emma9405 said...

Best blog. Best movie. My head just exploded.

TOPS 5247 Lw. Sackville said...

The wrecks are deserving of the fire swamp! Thanks for the chuckles this morning.

Scarlett Robyn said...

The first one wasn't that bad, but the second one....

Melinda said...

I really only see problems with the second and the fourth. The ugly one with the blue, and the chocolate one. The gold on the third might be a little dark. And the one other cake was not too bad really, except for the topper. Number one, I don't see anything wrong with.

Anonymous said...

Boooooooooo! Boooooooooo! Boooooooooo! Boooooooooo!

Melody said...

You know what I noticed? Most of the "inspiration" cakes are in fondant, and the wreck was tried to be recreated in buttercream. Now, as any good decorator knows, you can't do NEARLY as much in buttercream, and even for the things you CAN replicate, you have to be extremely skilled.

Anonymous said...

The Princess Bride FTW!!!

andygirl said...

I was there. An old man said man and wife.

Rhonda said...

The first one with the draping really isn't that bad considering. Making a fondant drape look good is surprisingly tricky, especially on a large scale like that, so unless you're willing to pay big bucks for an excellent decorator it's not going to happen.

Anonymous said...

"They were both poisoned. I've spent the last 2 years building up an immunity to Wreckiness." ;-b

Also, as someone who loves to imitate the priest in the marriage (sorry, "mawiage") scene, that is some of the BEST phonetic spelling I've ever seen!

WV- pensor: (said in heavy Chinese accent) "The customer wrote very specific instructions for the cake, but they wrote it in pensor, not pen, so it got smudged. I just airbrushed the crap out of it.

Zombie Edward said...

To be fair, the first wreck could have been sooooo much worse than that. Yeah, it wasn't a prefect remake but I would have been happier getting that one over any of the rest of those monstrosities.

Anonymous said...

Feed the cakes to the R.O.U.Ss! The bakers too, while you're at it.

Tamara said...

What a public service! I had ~NO~ idea that this could happen!!!

For our wedding we went to the cake place, looked through thousands of pictures, picked one, paid $300 (which also included a couple of hundred very lovely invitations) and on our wedding day the cake, looking identical to the photograph, arrived.

I never knew how thankful I should be!!!! And to Stephanie M. (cake #1) you have my condolences. May your marriage be as beautiful as your cake was disappointing!

rigby_321 said...

Wow.

Dear Jen and John,
I just spent the last week (or three) reading your entire blog, from start to today. Thanks for all the laughs. This blog is fantastic and I shall continue to follow you daily!

luv,
Jen

NBB said...

That first one might not resemble the original too much but it doesn't look too bad :)

But the others... I hope the marriages won't be
as disastrous as the cakes.
-Nina

The Black Dog said...

The first cake isn't so bad, it at least made a very good attempt at the original design.

The second cake though, that's just horrible, they didn't even bother getting the bottom "bands" straight on the cake.

Anne said...

I don't care if these cakes aren't as wrecktastically awful as some of the other inspiration vs. perspiration wedding cakes, the Princess Bride commentary is wonderfully awesome. To log on to find this a day after a Star Wars quotation competition with friends on Facebook is making this one fantastic week.

Anonymous said...

Cake #2: I think a "decorator" would really have to work very hard to make that one as ugly and hopeless as it appeared. Also, did you notice that the top tier is sitting on a very obvious foil-covered board of its own?

Cake #4 ( the gold cake): Part of the beauty of the inspiration cake was the fact that it was so "dream-like": white cake, white flowers drifting down from the top, posed on a white fragile-looking pedestal which is sporting a pretty bow. The cake plate has a gold ring around its surface, which is what probably inspired its creator to add "just a touch" of gold.

The disaster cake however, looks heavy and anything but dream-like. The big tarnished silver base on which it is sitting adds to the ugliness of this particular cake and helps make it look HEAVY. Silver does not match anything on that cake whether the silver is tarnished or brand new gorgeous.

I would seriously like to know the reactions of the brides to these cakes (especially #2) upon seeing them.

KT

Anonymous said...

OMG. I don't know what's funnier, the actual post or the commentary today! you guest posters are spot on with your Princess Bride comments today! Bravo!

Let me try:
Baker to MOB as she hears commotion from the bakery kitchen: I'm explaining to you because you look nervous.
Mother-of-the-Bride: I wasn't nervous. Maybe I was a little bit "concerned" but that's not the same thing. (she leaves)

Bakery owner to loose-cannon wreckerator, demanding he turn over the piping bag: For the last time, surrender!
Wreckerator: DEATH FIRST!
----------------------------
OR

Wreckerator: Your vote of confidence is overwhelming. Look, are you just fiddling around with me or what?
Wreckerator's friend who's been making wise-ass comments: I just want you to feel you're doing well.
Bakery owner storms in and turns on the wreckerator: And you-- friendless, brainless, helpless, hopeless! Do you want me to send you back to where you were? Unemployed in Greenland! (Baker storms out)

Friend: That Baker, he can *fuss*.
Wreckerator: Fuss, fuss... I think he like to scream at *us*.
Friend: Probably he means no *harm*.
Baker: He's really very short on *charm*.

not my gift today, folks. But thanks for the warnings anyway, of what "my" wedding cake may look like, if I live to see it before being strangled on my wedding night.

--Princess Buttercream

wv: menate. The menate the cakes no matter what they looked like. But the bride was still upset at the ugliness of the wrecks.

Julie said...

"He said 'to blathe'...it means 'to bluff'"

Love the references to The Princess Bride.

I have to agree that not all of the "wrecks" were really not all that terrible. They definitely did not match the "wanted" pictures, but for the most part they weren't too bad.

Kate said...

The first cake looks like Ace bandages. Gross!

Damon said...

They aren't as funny without your commentary.

Judy in SATX said...

To Stephanie M

Good for you for having such a great attitude, and to your photographer and florist for making the cake look as good as it does. Your baker didn't get to keep the whole $1000 quoted for the cake I hope!

BADKarma! said...

ROFLMAOH at the whole "Princess Bride" sequence. Especially since it was so very appropriate!

aims said...

There's is nothing like a Princess Bride!

Anonymous said...

Actually, the much criticized "tarnished silver thing" under the gold airbrushed mess appears to be the same stand as under the inspiration photo for the first draped cake with roses. Guess it goes to show that a poorly-executed cake can even make the stand look bad!

And the plastic ivy wrapped around the last one...good grief!

My condolences to these poor brides on receiving such deceptively promised cakes!

Jaye said...

Love the Princess Bride reference :-).

To be honest, I didn't think the first one was all that bad...other than what appeared to be the leaves on the bottom being half-swallowed by the cake. All in all, not bad, I don't think. The rest of them, though, well...

Fanboy Wife said...

I love these "missed the mark" cakes. Are the decorators really that incompetent that they can't tell the difference between their cakes and the goals? Or, do they just hope everyone else is blind?

Anonymous said...

Geez, I was going to say something funny about the Princess Bride comments but I keep getting that movie mixed up in my mind with Spaceballs! "Hey Abbott"!

How do these bakeries stay in business?? I guess the lesson here is to see ACTUAL samples of cakes a bakery does and not go to a random baker and ask for "this here picture".

Marie said...

I would be so pissed off if I received the second cake. We'd be heading to People's Court.

Cat said...

wuv it.

That first wreck cake looks like it has toilet paper wrapped around it! o_O

Summer Knightly said...

Ah! Princess Bride, a classic. Lovin' the quotes...

"My name is Inigo Montoya, you wrecked the cake, prepare to die!"

I know, I know, someone said it already, but I wanted to say it again.

These wrecks are truly "inconceivable!"

WV: "dicsk"
Is it just me or did someone's mind go to the gutter?

Sora said...

That airbrushed cake is scaaaary.
No more rhymes now, I mean it.

Abigail said...

The "chocolate coating" line was truly inspired. <3

Sarah said...

You totally read my mind- my fiance and I are avidly planning our wedding (coming next year) and keep joking with each other that we should ask our pastor to begin the ceremony just like in the movie. We can't decide if more people will crack up laughing or be seriously confused and if our parents will get the joke or not.

Anonymous said...

That second wreck was really a cheese wheel, right? .... right...? .....eep.

Mrs. B said...

Hello, Lady.

Lillian'sheart said...

Oh dear.... oh dear.

Wreckerator, after completing wreck: "Think it's gonna work??"

Co-wreckerator: "Not a chance."

Incompetency abounds!

Jessiker said...

oh wow...

Rebecca Grace said...

My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my wedding cake. Prepare to die! :-)

Alicia said...

Woah, the second to the last cake looks like it got attacked by bronzer.

Fluffy Cow said...

Inconceivable!

You keep using that word... I do no think it means what you think it means...
and pretty much what everyone else said about the Princess Bride reference.

otterwoman said...

I feel so bad for the brides who were expecting look-alike cakes and got these disasters instead! My heart just goes out to them!

Casey said...

omg that last inspiration cake is so going to be my wedding cake. Hopefully it won't turn out the same.

sendingtheclowns said...

I have to confess a very tragic thing: I am the ONE person in. the. entire. WORLD... who has not once ...ever...seen..

*ducks for cover*

...that...movie.

(!!!!!!!)
I just couldn't keep such an agonizing secret inside anymore!!!!

I feel like such a leper. (((SIGH!)))

Is there a Losers Anonymous around here???
I MUST SEE THAT THING!
(But even without the whole story, that clip cracked me up!)
I hope I'm not banned from coming here after this!
Okay, that's it--it's out. Time to crawl back under my rock...
=^u.u^=

Rosemary said...

So, the purple-and-black striped cake just makes me think of Mayor McCheese.

Kimberly said...

I am not left-handed either.

Alison said...

NO!!! when will people learn you cannot use fondant instead of ribbon! It just don't work! Yech.

Sarah said...

And wove, twu wove, will fowwow you fowevah.

Nice. It's my favorite movie and srsly those cakes are hilarious.

Charlene said...

Just started reading your blog - at the urging of a friend who thought I would like it. .. .so glad I did! Your humor is awsome - your comments - I bow to the sarcasm queen! I occationally do cakes for extra money and I have been fortunate to not have any "wrecks"(knock on wood)- unless you count my brothers wedding cake colapsing 2 minuted from the location!
Anyway - love your comments, love your blog - it is one of only 2 I follow. Keep it coming!
And HUGE points for the awsomely accurate Princess Bride reference!

Becca D said...

I love these! But that pretty much sums up why I got cupcakes for my wedding.

Nala said...

They say of the cakes: "Ya think they got a chance of makin' it?"

"It would take a miracle."

sendingtheclowns said...

I think a lot of the agony could be avoided if people would just lighten up. Yah~easy for me to say, right?
But, think about it: a wedding is SUPPOSED to be a couple's Happiest Day of their LIVES...yet we see (ESPECIALLY here!) that they can become huge stress-fests, loaded to the gills with details and precision and anxiety and the obligatory blood, sweat, tears, and MONEY. Okay, leave out the blood. But still, if I were ever to do it again (I'd have to get my husband's approval first), I'd wear my green, flower-patterned clown suit (which, btw, was handmade for me). We'd have hot dogs and hamburgers and CUPCAKES, and-and...OH! It would be on the 4th of July so we'd have a built-in parade in our honor, and fireworks!
What could be easier? Huh? Huh?
=^~.~^=

Amazing Cakes By Vanessa! said...

Question: Who actually wrote the post? John posted it, but did Jen write it? Or did John? Is there an easy way for us to tell who wrote it? Or do we just enjoy the hilarious commentary without worrying about the author?

Martha said...

The last cake was PERFECT-the quote I mean, not the actual cake.

Katie Friend said...

These are great...but the writing is what always makes me ROTFL!!!! Love it, love it, love it!!!
And if I were the bride receiving these cakes, I would be saying....
MY NAME IS KATIE FRIEND...YOU KILLED MY CAKE! PREPARE TO DIE!!! ;)
Katie, Rawlins WY

Stephanie M. said...

Unfortunately, yes, they did get to keep the entire $900 and change. I guess I now know why they expected full payment in advance, eh? What's funny is the fact that it was my husband that insisted on this particular cake, too. I really wanted something a whole lot simpler that didn't need to be made with fondant, as I simply abhor the taste of fondant. So, basically I just blamed him and moved on. :D

Toilet paper, bandages... very apt descriptions in my book!

As for the PB quotes:

1) Wrecker! Polish my cake stand! I want to see my face shining in it by morning.

2) Wrecker: A word, my lady. We are but poor, lost cake decorators. Is there a village nearby?

Buttercup: There is nothing nearby... Not for miles.

Wrecker: Then there will be no one to hear you scream at our questionable taste.

3) Wrecker: I have a piping bag up here, but I do not think you would accept my help, since I am only waiting around to put poo balls on your cake.

Man in Black: That does put a damper on our relationship.

SarahPants5 said...

These are just awful...the second cake being the absolute worst in my opinion, it's such a stretch and so poorly made. My God. (How does one get black/white/blue, from brown/white/pink?? Who would request such a modification?? It's just bad bad bad.)

BEST. POST. EVER!!! (Looove The Princess Bride, you made my geeky heart sing!)

Michelle said...

I absolutely love your site! Its one of my favorite to read updates from.

-Michelle
http://einsteinonthebeach2.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

Ok, I don't think that second one was such a wreck!! cute, actually!

Arlene said...

All I can say is for that second cake .. if that wreckerator even dared show his/her face at my wedding with that they had best be prepared for a long chase with a fire ax lol. Ugh how terrible. I really hope they got a refund on that mess of a cake.

GCN Justin said...

LOL John! I haven't thought of that Fruit Newtons ("Carry on, then, carry on") ad since I was a kid!

Seriously, you made me laugh so hard with that one. Thank you for the ultra-obscure reference!

Anonymous said...

Do they really look at the beautiful inspiration cake and think "yeah, I can do that...no problem"??!!

wedding cakes toppers said...

really nice :)

Lissy said...

Some of these are truly in-con-ceivable...

juliapoet said...

Yup, the first one - not so wrecky. But certainly not so elegant. I think the saddest were the last one (chocolate with awful flowers) and the one that was supposed to look quilted. Of course, purple icing is never a good idea, so it was doomed from the start. (our wedding cake had a blue ribbon because we knew no one would want to eat blue icing!)

Jess Parsons said...

"Think they'll make it?"

"It'd take a miracle."

Well, these are wedding cakes! :-)

"L-Bo" said...

I LOVE all the Princess Bride quotes you used throughout this post! I needed that giggle this morning! Thanks!!!


Lbo

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