Monday, May 3, 2010

It's Wrecky Wedding Week!

Monday, May 3, 2010

That's right, Wreckies: We're about to embark upon a week-long marathon of wedding atrocities. Tipped over tiers, questionable themes, the missed marks...oh yeah, it's gonna be awesome.

So, let's get right to it, shall we?


It's your wedding day. Of COURSE you want sprinkles.

Er...

Did the camel sneeze?


Brides-to-be, want your cake to convey a sense of elegance in addition to the fun, campy style normally reserved for peanut vendors and clown cars? Then have I got the cake for you!


(Levitating tiers come standard. Cake stand extra.)


Or perhaps you'd prefer something less colorful. Something that evokes less "Big Top" and more "Sewer Pipe...with Flowers":

You could call this color a blue/grey/green. Or "hurk," which is faster and more accurate.


Still hungry? This'll help:

I'm reminded of a song my dad used to sing to me when I was little. Maybe you know it. Does "Great green gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts" ring any bells? (Man, they just don't write lullabies like they used to...)

Hey, you know how we're always wondering why more wedding cakes don't use Mardi Gras beads? Well, wonder no more!

These colors are making me a little queasy. Which is ironic, considering the Pepto Bismal icing.


[dramatic movie trailer voice]
"She was the belle of the ball, the picture of elegance.
He was a rough country boy who'd never seen a fork.
Together, they would create something the world had never seen.
Something ground breaking.
Something divisive.
Something...
well, kind of prickly."


And that's why you always let the groom have his cake, ladies.


Karen M., Karin D., Judy M., Anony M., Danielle T., & Jennifer C., hang on to your veils; this week's gonna be a bumpy ride.
Missy said...

You make me laugh the hardest.

maggie said...

that last one is actually kind of awesome. it's the sort of thing my husband and i would have done if we'd had a big traditional wedding. i'm not sure if he'd have had quite so many roses on his half, though.

A Girl In Her Kitchen said...

A marriage that has a wrecky start can only go up from there.

http://agirlinherkitchen.blogspot.com

Ferralyn said...

Mmmmmmmmm.....moss cake. It's what's for your wedding!

I can probably guess what happened with the green and pink cake. The decorator made it the day before and, at first, the frosting was a lovely shade of light pink - but overnight it went all Pepto. A lot of paste colors darken over time. Still - mardi gras beads on your cake? What do you have to show to get that?

Taylor said...

"Hurk" is my new favorite word and color.

XOXO said...

::Blink::

Anonymous said...

Wedding cake wrecks are the best. Don't people know they can't be cheap with their wedding cakes and NEED to find a decent baker or else it's going to suck?

Megan (Best of Fates) said...

I love when the wreck cakes are actually really well done, but just are a dreadful idea.

PinkPrincessAli said...

The bi-polar cake makes me sad :( Oh well. Wishing you a Wonderfully, Wrecktastic Wrecky Weeding Week!

Becky said...

... and I forgot my spoon! Our dads had the same taste in music. Great memories (just not combined with cake).

Lisa said...

I am so confused by some of these. Is that a camel? And a deer on the other? Ugh.

LoriK said...

Does it really count as a wreck if the baker made what the client asked for? Because I'm pretty that for some of today's cakes the main issue was with the client, not the baker.

Alex Getts said...

Ohmygosh, #4 looks atrocious!

Ashley said...

...mutilated monkey meat, little birdies' dirty feet. French fried eyeballs swimmin in a pool of blood, me without my spoon yum yum!

Fluffy Cow said...

Is that a deer tick on #4???

And, "Never seen a fork": Priceless. Thank you.

WriteCards said...

People paid money for some of these? (Actually, I really like the last one!)

Flartus said...

Oh, wedding wrecks are my favorites! I am so looking forward to the rest of this week!

Thanks for the earworm, by the way. And besides looking like it's coated in shellacked vomit, the tiers on that gopher-gut cake aren't centered. Is it really that hard?

Samantha said...

I'm with Maggie, the IDEA of the last cake is such a good one...
but you know, as is so often the case here at Cake Wrecks, the execution was literal.

blueiguana said...

I have to say that I actually like the last one. It was well-done and (I'm assuming) reflects the couple. If it hadn't been done so well, it would have been awful.

Maybe I shouldn't say this, but I don't think that the pink one is that bad either. Again, it was done well, but I think that the topper is what ruins it. They needed flowers or something to go with the pink.

Otherwise, I'm with you, Jen. When I see some of the toppers and designs, I desperately try to come up with a backstory that would justify choosing camels or mud for a wedding cake.

JelliDonut said...

Do I smell divorce cake? Does camel taste like chicken?

Christy said...

Wow, that last one really surprised me.

And the bead cake... one need only look at the cake's surroundings to determine what happened there. LOL

Summersfam said...

AAAAArghhhh! Yikes. These are pretty bad. But...

I don't know. I think the last one is kind of cool! I'm a cake decorator, and I'm actually in awe that the decorator pulled that off. That would not be easy. And I bet the bride and groom loved it.

Jenni @ Project Cookie 365 said...

Ahahahaha, that great big globs song! I'm sure the song differs between families, areas, etc. We had "marinated monkey meat, itty bitty birdie feet, cow feet, pig feet and everything that I could eat, and me without out my spoon.. mmmmm!"

Camo wedding cakes make me sick. There is NOTHING tackier, in my opinion. No one will EVER do a "nice" one - it's impossible! So brides need to get a clue - and decorators need a clause that allows them to refuse ugly designs lol.

Anonymous said...

Why is there a camel on cake #1? Do these people love the desert? The icing IS sandy colored. But then the sprinkles, hot pink? if the sugar sprinkles are supposed to be sand, this is a double miss. lovely effect on the tablecloth. and of course the daisies (the little known "desert flower" (NOT)) don't match either, wreckerator.

#2 needs carnival theme music to view. airbrushed circus colored stripes and a lavender bedecked bride on top--nice. again, color clash. and those calla lilies are a little obnoxious, no? I'm only assuming they're calla lilies. they could be pale baby carrots in tortilla wraps or some other unlikely "food" item suggestion. maybe they're hot dog wrecks.

#3 is a mess on so many levels. literally.

#4: love the happy little orange flowers on the mud and grass smeared cake. the topper says it all--apparently she had to drag him away from hunting to get married. she's holding the deer crossing sign, and the deer even followed....is this a bizarre love triangle? and the little lantern...how romantic.

Mardi Gras beads on a pepto-colored cake! score! that's classic. those beads had to be fun to try to attach, and so evenly draped. but the doves? ironically that just wrecks it. Carnival masks or more purple, green, and gold would be better than delicate white lace and doves. but pepto pink....

the last one is just hilarious. the definition of compromise, and the reason for a groom's cake!

Becky said...

I agree with Maggie, I kind of enjoy that last one. And she made me laugh with "i'm not sure if he'd have had quite so many roses on his half, though." :)

Vickie said...

When my Sister-in-law turned 40, I made her a black cake, which was just about as dark as the Hurk icing. After everyone took their first bite and smiled, everyone had unexpectedly blue stained teeth. (Black paste coloring is actually an extremely dark shade of blue.)
Can you imagine an entire wedding party with Hurk-stained teeth?

Wendy said...

I also have to agree that the last one was done well for what was requested. It is the cake stand/setting that is revolting. Its like oil oozing into a swamp.

Oh, I get it! It's a Beverly Hillbillies cake!

Madeline said...

Very funny!

At our wedding, we didn't want a fancy cake, so we just asked for a normal sheet cake to cut. The kitchen, however, felt really bad that we weren't having a special cake and 'decorated' it with these odd tentacle-like blue-green things that I think were flowers. It was very sweet of them, but we have some good pics (not digitized!) of us and all our little kid cousins looking at the cakes confusedly.

Anonymous said...

I'm kind of in love with the split-theme cake. :D

Helen Back said...

"Does "Great green gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts" ring any bells? (Man, they just don't write lullabies like they used to...)"

...concentrated piggies feet, all the boogers you can eat. French fried eyeballs dipped in a pool of blood, you get them at your local store.

Lisa said...

I feel weird for finding that last cake to be slightly epic. xD;

Greasy grimy gopher guts... Oh, nostalgia.

Anonymous said...

The deer hunting cake I'm guessing was suppose to be camo colored, but missed the mark. It looks more like it's been scooped up from the cow pasture. AND, not level or even stacked straight? Come ON, people! The coloring must have made the wreckerator too nauseous to finish it correctly.

Sharon's Edible Art

Anonymous said...

I remember it as "gobs and gobs of green greasy gopher guts...and me without a spoon!"

Fiona said...

Camo wedding cakes? Plural?!?
It's a genre instead of a one-off?
Oh, myyyyyyy.....

Anonymous said...

No, no, no -- it's "chopped-up chicken feet, evaporated monkey meat. Two bloody eyes a rollin' down the dusty street. Gee, I forgot my spoon, but I gotta straw."

I had a friend who ordered a grey and mauve cake for her wedding in the 80s. She got a grey cake with mauve frosting. Really. I saw the photos -- and it looked as utterly vile as you think it did. She said that other than the first taste they fed each other, she was pretty sure the whole darned cake went into the trash, as nobody would eat a grey cake. (What, oh WHAT were they thinking!)

Susan said...

That last one is so well done, that wreck falls entirely on the bride and groom. That baker had to be crying when making that cake, either that or cackling with glee.

Anonymous said...

love the power strip and tacky paneling behind the bead cake. classy. and the muddy hunter cake appears to be outside (tent ropes, tiki torches)--hope that muddy icing doesn't attract bugs. looks a bit sticky.

and the levitating circus cake? was that from a bakers website actually PROMOTING themselves? failblog...

does #3 have a theme or do they just like the color hurk? (plus pink. ick.)

split personality cake was nicely executed, but the concept divided over. this type of cake needs a category of its own. Jekyll/Hyde? Yin/Yang? his/her? she/he? hermaphrodite?

wv: ressessi. The bakers should have ressessi these orders before execution. now it's just time for execution--literally--of the cakes to put them out of their misery.

Chickenfat said...

I remember it as ....."mutilated monkey meat, perforated pigeon's feet. Eight big jars of all-purpose porpoise pus and me without my spoon!"

the Drunken Housewife said...

I disagree on that last cake. I think it shows a sense of humor and a willingness to share the spotlight which is truly admirable. No Bridezilla or controlling groom there. I'd be happy to be at that wedding & would give the marriage good odds at lasting.

Beyond giving kudos to the couple, I think the baker did a great job at creating a really fun cake under those weird parameters.

And no, I'm not related to the couple or the baker. I just like shows of personality over conformity. I was so thrilled that my own wedding cake had marzipan replicas of my pet rats (I'm not joking).

Kristan said...

I actually like the last one except for those ?silk? flowers and leaves? I hate silk flowers and to put them on a cake only makes a former trailer dweller cry.

I once was told by a bride that she was using silk flowers for her wedding because the live ones reminded her of a funeral home. I wanted so badly (but did not) to ask her if she preferred the cemetery on Memorial day with all the silk arrangements...

Tricia L said...

Regarding Cake #4, Jen, you apparently don't appreciate the subtle camo pattern in the icing, the homage to the great outdoors, the bride with the shotgun on the topper. Ah, yes, welcome to The South during hunting season. Actually, the bride is lucky she got the groom cleaned up in time for a Saturday evening wedding.

Jenna said...

Hee hee.

I kind of like the last one - it's like "Screw this bland traditional wedding - we are who we are and we're gonna have fun!" Not what we'd do for our cake but I like it and I respect the cojones it took to order and display it.

I am totally down with mocking poorly-made cakes, but the bipolar cake wasn't poorly made.

And seeing as I really hate most normal, traditional, "elegant" wedding cakes (YAWN!) plus they often don't even taste good, I rather like it when someone goes kraaazy with an idea.

This is why we're getting a tiramisu, not a cake, for our wedding. People would mock what we actually like, and we can't stand what people would expect of us. So it's either tiramisu (yum, plus it's not "decorated" so you can't screw up that way, and even it it looks funny, at least it will taste good) or a sheet cake from Costco because we're not paying hundreds of dollars for a cake.

Let Them Eat Cake said...

Cake #3 is clearly a duct tape cake. The trend started with prom dresses - now it's moved to wedding cakes.

Anonymous said...

I actually like the Mardi Gras beads. If the frosting had been a pale pastel shade and they'd ditched the topper, it would have been kinda cool. Chalk it up to another good idea that just needed a couple tweaks to the execution.

Renee said...

#4 cake (right side) looks like the southwest had a drunken party and seriously hurled all over the cake with twig and leaf chunks!

perhaps the drunken southwest cake should have eaten the Pepto cake to feel better?

melissa said...

i esp like the over loaded outlet and spray paint bedeckled window (?) making up the back drop to the mardi gras beads cake. C*L*A*S*S*Y!

Anna said...

OK, I'll say it. The last one is pretty cool. It's got clean lines, and if it is a little strange, it is still well done. And even the prickly's look edible, very nice.

Liz said...

You did mean to mispell Pepto-Bismol, didn't you? Like, it is A-bismal. I'm sure you did!

Jackie said...

That pepto cake makes me sad, because it really looks like someone worked hard on it. But, it is so bad.

Anonymous said...

YES! This week is going to rock.

Anne said...

Every time I get a bit bummed we didn't have cake at our wedding and the real reasons - it was an elopement ceremony on the beach in full summer, rain was in the forecast, and we were being cheap because the wedding was coming entirely out of our pockets - don't cut it, these wedding wrecks are just the thing to make me forgo my woes. I'd rather have no cake than order the cake of my dreams and end up with one of these!

etiquette bitch said...

someone please clarify CW4 for me. The bride is going hunting, to shoot that reindeer right before her, while the groom just kicks back, and leans on her? Little help?

lain11tx said...

I really like the camo/roses cake. I don't think it's a cake wreck at all. The shading and detail work are expertly applied and quite impressive.

blueiguana said...

@Drunken Housewife *PLEASE* send Jen a picture of your marzipan rat cake - and Jen, *PLEASE* post it.

A friend of mine had rats in college and I liked them so much I keep threatening to get a pet rat.

Culinarychiq said...

LOL is it wrong that I like the half camo cake?

However, what does a reindeer have to do with flowers and feces? Wait, is this a circle of life thing? Is it symbolic? Being dragged to the altar can be what you make of it, flowers and sunshine or a pile of crap.

Karasu said...

Maybe there's something wrong with me, but the song I have stuck in my head after this post is "Midnight at the Oasis". (Thank you, cake #1. :-P)

Terri said...

Now that I've stopped laughing for a minute.

Having been to a fair number of . . . um . . . redneck . . . weddings, I have to say that these literally take the cake. The ones I've been to had a quickie sheet cake and left the really tacky stuff for the decorations and the dress.

The topper in the dress department is the bride who bedazzled her and her intended's initials enclosed in a heart onto her train . . . in rhinestones. Oh . . . sparkly! Our eight-year old neice thought her dress was just beyouteefull, she's grown up now.

The backgrounds in several of the cakes tells the tale.

The hunting cakes could have actually been done with a sense of humor. Still tacky, but humorous. No forest green and brown icing, maybe a topsy-turvy style rather than just lopsided, no weird flowers, etc. I'd would love to see some fer-real pro bakers take on non-traditional wedding cakes.

Sorry about the Mardi Gras beads, but tacky, tacky, tacky . . . If she had to have plastic crap on her cake, at least use pearls! Add in the pink icing, the ticky-tacky topper and the dollar store figurine in the foreground and you have a massive wedding-fail.

I agree on the schizo cake. It is rather clever and not badly executed. While I'm sure the mothers-in-law were cringing, I hope the couple had a good time with it. I'm not sure that Pier 1 fake pagoda cake stand adds anything to the display, but it's not a total fail.

The clown cake? ::shudder:: I write a blog called "Why I Fear Clowns" for a reason. It is beyond tacky in both concept and execution.

Our local Wal-Mart (the arbiter of taste and style in a small town) has a couple of sample wedding cakes on display. Not wrecks, but cheap looking and tacky. Brides need to go with what they can afford. If you can't go with a top drawer pro, then stick to something really, really simple and old-school. Yes, it is your wedding and your day, but photos last forever and you will sober up eventually!

Jen - you rock!

Terri
www.whyifearclowns.com

Whimcees said...

Oh My!

The backdrop they set the last 'Mardi Gras' cake in front of for a photo is unbelievable!

You continue to make my days happy! :<)

Wishing you a great week!

Barbara Diane

Ela and Daniel Asisi said...

Oh man, that just makes my heart sad!

Reading Rachel said...

The multi-color airbrush cake makes my eyes hurt. It would have been half decent if they just put the airbrush gun down. Say it with me cake decorators, 'just say no'

Angela said...

Huh, I actually like the pepto cake. If their colors are that shade of pink and green it actually works for me. Now some of these I do wonder if they're professional cakes or not. I've actually known people to make their own wedding cakes.

Maybe I shouldn't post this since my word verification is stfu....

Jenn said...

I quite like the last one. I think it's really well done and clever. I know a lot of military couples that would love that one. As for the rest... that's why you just don't go cheap for your wedding. *tisk tisk*

tracylee said...

Is the last one sitting on a black plastic garbage bag?

Anna said...

I'm with everyone else, I totally love the last one. Yeah, okay, it's kinda tacky. But to me it represents a couple that not only embraces their differences but actually wants to celebrate those differences on their wedding day. It's unconventionally romantic. Good on them.

SuperGrouper / SnowFoxCreations said...

I actually like the last one- it's creative and there's probably an awesome story behind it. ^^ Sure beats the generic white invasion-of-the-clone-cakes wedding cakes most people use. If I ever get married, I'm doing a cake based on the "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea" scene where they fight the giant squid atop the submarine.

Anonymous said...

And I remember all the verses!!

Great green gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts
Mutilated monkey meat
Hairy pickled piggy feet
French fried eyeballs floating in some kerosene
And me without a spoon.

Great green gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts
Scab sandwich, pus on top
Vulture vomit, camel snot
Deep dish boogers soaking in a bowl of fat
And me without a spoon.

Great green gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts
Parrot eyeballs dipped in glue
Petrified porpoise pus
Flaming ear wax bobbing in a bowl of barf
And me without a spoon.

Great green gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts
Dessicated dinosaur dung
Percollated pelican poop
Tortoise turd balls with the little flies inside
And me without a spoon.

http://www.boyscouttrail.com/content/song/greasy_grimy_gopher_guts-467.asp

Anonymous said...

Mardi Gras beads? On a cake? Really? I actually had a Mardi Gras themed wedding reception, and it never occured to me to put the beads ON the cake! I'm also wondering if the hot pink was really supposed to be purple and someone goofed. Really, that poor bride would have been better off just picking up a king cake at the grocery store.

Chris@TheSnackHound.com said...

I agree that the last cake in theory is interesting in theory - a half and half - and almost, almost works. What really throws the wrecking ball at this is the candles perhaps accidentally thrown into the shot, and the black base or wrapper or whatever it is on the bottom. It brings to mind that the camouflage deer hunting ground is nestled in the La Brea Tar Pits or its a nod to goth. I am not sure which.

Jules said...

Ah the wrecked wedding cake my favorite. Though I like the ones where you post what it was suppose to look like and what they received, by far the funniest!

PB said...

On the last cake:
Just because one doesn't agree the combination doesn't mean the cake itself is a wreck.

I have to say it is quite well executed, especially if the combination is specified by the customer.

At the end of the day, marriage is a bond between two persons, however different the personalities may be, so what's the problem having a cake celebrating just that?

Rebekah said...

Did anyone else notice the excessive runoff from applying the pink sprinkles to #1, all over the obviously-just-out-of-the-package wrinkly tablecloth?!?!

And I cannot understand why oh why #3 has different piping colors on each layer, as if the rest wasn't bad enough!

Bryna said...

In the second cakes defense... any bride who wears a purple gown is asking for a colorful wreck of a cake!

Little Lovables said...

wow, incredible, thought the mardi grass cake is a little bit cool in concept though weird and the last cake is actually kind of awesome!

Becca said...

Okay, I think all the wrecky delight in this post has obscured cake number two from the scathing attention it deserves. Anthurium flowers? Really?

Look here for a photo:
http://facultystaff.vwc.edu/~presslar/CultivatedAnthurium/page1.htm

Who wants pathetic danglies on their wedding day? And the lavendar dress on the topper?! Utterly unrealted and barfacious with the cake's colors.

You used great restraint in your treatment of this cake. It must have been all that brown hurk and sprinkles got in your eyes!

Lilly said...

wait...is it just me, or is the cake stand melting on the last one?

Lilly said...

Dear Lorik:
It can be well made. The point is, if its that strange it certainly isn't a proper cake, wouldn't you say?

Molly @ A Bit O' Shine said...

Oh how I wish there were a closeup of the topper on number 4 - I bet it's niiiiiice.

I bet these horrific cakes went hand-in-hand with my most hated wedding tradition: cramming cake in each other's faces. Nothing says "Love you forever" quite like something a 12 year old would do.

I now have the "great big gobs..." song stuck in my head.

Classic Steve said...

The last cake reminds me of Disney's Cinderella, who was going to wear green beads with a pink dress to the ball. Just as well her stepsisters trashed the getup and she got a new one from her godmother.

Anonymous said...

You know, I have talked to some folks in advertising and graphic design. When they make a pitch, they include the Fabulous Idea that they personally love to pieces, the safe one that runs along the clients' guidelines without being too 'out there,' and the one thing that they consider so awful that they're sure it will get eliminated right off the bat. The A&E guys eventually quit being surprised at the number of times option #3 gets chosen - and highly complimented. All of today's cakes look like option #3.

Lilly said...

Argh! Why do you people have to be so bloody optimistic? Where's your sense of 'I-would-bawl-like-a-pinched-baby-if-that-was-my-(wedding)-cake'? Come on, get those taking-pleasure-in-other's-misfortune juices flowing and cue derisive laughter!

Writer and Cat said...

That last split personality cake is hilarious! Love it!

BADKarma! said...

The icing on that fourth one kind of draws the eye away from the cake topper initially... And then you get done processing and actually look at what's on top of the greasy gopher guts... Oh. My. Lord. O_O

Anonymous said...

Mutilated monkey's meat, chopped up little birdie's feet!

Ahh, brings back memories of being at summer camp!!

Sara, age 17

Christine said...

The last cake frightens me a little bit. I understand that the "manly side" is supposed to be camo, but what's with the red splotches? My first impression was of a swamp contaminated by some sort of nuclear waste.

Mitty said...

re: cake #3

why oh why is the lantern in the groom's lap?

Fanboy Wife said...

The bottom is hilarious, mostly because of the description leading up to it!

Bree said...

The last one isn't too bad, considering the horrific grooms' cakes we've seen. I think the baker did a good job with the Two-Face cake.

The other ones though are way too gross. There are just some colors that should be outlawed for icing.

InMyOwnWay said...

Cake number two HAS to be a Jello 'poke cake' - no other explaination for it. If you don't remember them, here's a picture: http://www.kraftrecipes.com/assets/recipe_images/Patriotic_Poke_Cake.jpg

wv: aming - Not sure what they were aming for but I think they missed!

Kerri said...

Okay, here's my version:

Great big gobs of granulated gopher gut,
pukified monkey meat,
bloody little birdie feet.
Two juicy eyeballs
rolling down a dust street,
and me without a spoon...
but I had a straaaaaaw - SLUUURRRRPPPPP!!!

Amelia said...

I guess it shows what type of person I am that some of those cakes don't look bad at all to me-obviously, not for everyone or people who like more traditional stuff though. The split cake is awesome. I would do that with my future husband except his side be a "music" side.

stuckinmypedals said...

The sight of cake shouldn't leave you queasy, right? Those "colors" are knocking my equilibrium off balance. After sitting down for a minute, I look back up into the face of the camel and all the nausea comes hurtling back.

Leanne said...

Last year, I introduced my friend to this blog. Last week, she had pie at her wedding. I think this post (and, I'm sure, those to come later this week) adequately sum up why. ;-)

Melvira said...

More like Pepto Abysmal...

Sophia said...

I think the last one is actually kind of awesome. A his/hers cake. Perhaps the couple didn't want to shell out for a separate grooms cake?

Kim C-S said...

My upstairs was the exact pink/green colour when I moved into my house. Thinking about it still makes me kind of nauseous. I can't imagine what the bridesmaid dresses looked like.

racheld said...

That pee-diddly first three are just the opening act.

#4. Is that supposed to be camo and Huntin' Vest Orange?

#5. Mardi Gras beads can only elevate that backdrop---grimy glass, a peeling electrical panel and that classy overloaded socket.

#6. Couldn't they have at LEAST polished the cakestand on HER side, and set that part on a DOILY?

racheld

sendingtheclowns said...

Megan (Best of Fates) said...
"I love when the wreck cakes are actually really well done, but just are a dreadful idea."
*******
Me, too! Seen any of those lately?
----------------------------------
Cake #1: I'm afraid so, Jen. The camel did in fact sneeze. Poor thing. He's allergic to ugly.

#2: Hey! I saw that hat on a Kentucky blueblood at the Derby last Saturday! Only, I think that there was a thoroughbred horse figurine on top instead of a couple who look like they're waiting for someone to yell, "JUMP!"

#3: May-yan! Them layers is gettin' bawld? Affer da weddin', remine me ta sen'em in fer recaps, 'kay, bayb?

#4: Only thing missing from this casual, dusky, evening ceremony is a few citronella candles.
Oh, and maybe a banjo or two...

#5: Note how the bride and groom have come to their senses, and are making their getaway while the guests are watching the bouquet toss.
("Psssst! Hey, Groom guy! You'd be able to run faster if you'd put the Little Woman down!")

#6: What the hell is that under the cake pedestal-- a plastic garbage bag?
Also, I'd like to know what the OTHER TWO SIDES of this cake look like. Maybe all four are different. (!?!) Maybe it was made by Sybil Dorsett (not her real name)...
=^@.@^= =^e.@^= =^@.e^= =^@.@^=

dsgnGrl7576 said...

Having iced cupcakes in the past, I feel confident that I can now go into the wedding cake business. Standards appear to be low.

Pam P said...

is it bad that I like the idea of the half and half cake?? I don't like that execution, per se, but in theory it's kind of interesting...

Carrietastic said...

Heeee! I actually think the last one is kinda brilliant. I also kinda like the 2nd one and the pink one. But I do love GAUDY! :D

Martha said...

I thought the mardi gras beads were messing with my head, until I scrolled down to the Borg one!

amy said...

Freakin' greasy grimy gopher guts! What *is* that from? I remember giggling about that as a kid, but had no idea it was an actual SONG. That....is awesome.

Susan said...

...contaminated monkey meat, chopped up birdies feet...

Michelle said...

Oh, God! These made me want to stab my eyes out! Especially the second one and the last one! EEEAUUUGGGHHH!!

Rachel said...

The last one isn't really the bakery's fault. If that's really what the couple wanted I suppose they did an OK job.

Arlene said...

Who put mold on the poop frosting cake?? Number four made me want to hurl.. nearly did in fact.. blah. The one with Mardi Gras beads would make great dental business for one lucky dentist if some unfortunate bit into one. I know people that actually would think those beads are edible lol. I can only imagine how the rest of this week is going to go.. I am truly afraid.

fuzzandfuzzlet said...

I can`t get past the fact that somewhere a nativity set is missing the camel........

Elizabeth said...

Great big gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts,
Mutilated monkey mutts,
Dirty little birdy feet,
Great big gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts,
But I forgot my spoon!
*SLLLLUUUUURRRRRRRP*
I'll eat it with a fork!

Sarah Walsh said...

Okay, here's my version:

"Great big globs of greasy, grimy gopher guts,
Mutilated monkey meat,
Little dirty birdies' feet,
Great big globs of all-purpose porpoise pus,
And me without my spoon!"

Nick said...

That last cake is wonderful! Are you sure you didn't mean to add it as a Sunday sweet?

Jess Parsons said...

I like the last one and the clown/color one too! This is my favorite giggle spot on the Web...

Lissy said...

A Circus/Mardi Gras themed wedding wouldn't be for me, but the second cake was very well made and I am assuming it was what the couple wanted.
Same with the camo/flower cake.

It's ust a matter of taste. There are many 'Sunday Sweets' that I find very tacky, if well made.

I think would prefer the colorful calla cake to that 'goddess athena' or that blue metallic dress shown Sunday.

Samantha said...

To the top one - ugh, since when are Willowtree figurines acceptable cake decorations?

keenacat said...

Look where #3 came from:
http://www.uglyweddingcake.com/pranks.html
Poor couple!! Somebody had THIS cake made as a GIFT for their wedding!

Craig said...

What's the deal with the animal toppers? Is there a theme here? Do guests get a prize for guessing the 'why' of animal toppers (or these cakes in general)?

Speaking of themes, one wonders about the theme of the wedding with the bead cake. The figurine in the foreground is sweet, though.

Someone mentioned a bride holding a shotgun on the camo cake. Wait, that's what we should have seen. I mean a bride *figurine*, with shotgun, on top of the cake. Didn't see it.

If a wedding cake isn't eaten, can it be returned? Could that be the hidden logic with these wreck-creations? (Smirk)

Maybe these are 'show' cakes, and the guests were served nice, simple, safe sheet cake. 'Safe' as long as it isn't ordered over the phone, that is.

Brooke said...

Why? Why is there a camel!?!

Melanie Beasley said...

I can't resist posting the "gopher guts" my sainted mother taught us:

"Marinated monkey meat
Concentrated birdie feet
Rubber tires from a bus
Roasted hippopotamus
And I forgot my spoon--
But I brought my straw!
*SLLUUURRPP!*

She'd be proud.


I sort of like the clown cake! It's festive.

The Wedding Lady said...

I like seeing wedding cakes that are different and show the couple's personality.

Christine said...

I like that last one, and you know the one with the circus colors would be cute if it didn't have those stupid colors airbrushed on. The shape of that one is interesting. I would have done frosting ribbons or fondant ribbons instead.

Honestly these all look (with the exception of the last one) like they were made by some well meaning friend who thought they could tackle a wedding cake but failed miserably.

Roland said...

#4 (Deer Hunter) topper:

No, people, that's not a reindeer. Nor are most cartoon depictions of Santa's deer reindeer. In the US they are almost always depicted as whitetail deer, the same ones that get hunted and hit by cars throughout most of the country. That's what this one is, too.

She's holding a rifle or shotgun, not the "Deer Crossing" sign, and dragging the groom by the collar.

As for the lantern, we'll give them the benefit of the doubt and say that he was going to be using it to help find and field-dress the deer after having shot it during legal hunting hours. It gets dark quickly in those woods.

The rest of the cake is a mess.

Sarah said...

I actually like the second one, though the topper doesn't really match. If you're going for "circus tent", go all the way!

Jenna said...

I think the fake wedding cake pearls are at least as bad - and ten times as boring - as the mardi gras beads.

Again, not what I'd do, but I love it when a couple says "you know all that elegant wedding stuff? It's ugly and boring even though everyone seems to like it. We're gonna rock the casbah with pink and green!"

Because it IS ugly and it IS boring.

Pearl strands on cake - boring
silvery, white, gold etc. fondant - boring
monograms made in chocolate or piping - boring
white white everywhere - boring
sugar roses - BORING
typical bride-and-groom topper - boring
using the same "new exciting trend" that everyone else is using (hello cherry blossoms) - sooo boring
tiers with draped white icing - boring

etc. etc.

THOSE are the true cake wrecks, not the bipolar cake here and maybe not even the Mardi Gras cake.

No offense if that's actually the cake you got and you're reading this. These are my personal opinions and I wouldn't try and tell another couple that they have to do things my way for their wedding.

wedding cakes toppers said...

ya, i like these custom made wedding cakes , really funny!!

NJBakerGrrrl said...

I always appreciate this site so much and love to visit for a GREAT laugh... But here... In my opinion these cakes are horribly ugly, but I would hardly call them true "wrecks"... I think it's getting a little picky to call these wrecks when they are just really ugly cakes.

Anonymous said...

Please refer to Jen's definition of a wreck and note that since it is her blog she is the sole arbiter thereof.

That said, I love the last cake - both the idea and the execution. However, I do not dispute Jen's right to call it a wreck and neither should you.

ladyrazorsharp said...

You know, props for creativity to the last one. I think my mother would have screamed bloody murder had she seen that on the cake table at my wedding, but it's...distinctive.

The gum paste flowers on the 'levitating' cake aren't too shabby, but the rest is just eeeeeuuugghhhh.

In fact, that's exactly what the rest of the cakes in this post are. Euuugghhhhh.

WV: Forkin. As in "stick a forkin these cakes--they're done!"

Miradwyn said...

The "Hurray, sprinkles!" cake looks like the sprinkles were put on with a paint ball gun.

Adding flowers to a circus tent doesn't make it elegant.

Gopher guts appears to be a preschooler's finger paint project - smear colors around until all you have is a brown blob.

I despise pink so there was no hope for redeeming that one in my eyes.

There is something vaguely disturbing about the grass on the split personality cake. Not sure what it is, but it isn't too horrible. The decorator did pretty good with an ugly camo idea.

Andrea said...

I like that you've spelled it Pepto "Bismal", like it's a combination of "Bismol" and "abysmal". Because that is certainly accurate.

Anonymous said...

it must be the southern girl in me, but I love that mardi gras cake. The colors aren't exactly my cup of tea, but I think its pretty well executed!

Anna said...

Actually, that last cake is pretty darn cool. Check out that camo! Love the border between the sides. I'm sure the bride and groom were thrilled with how well it turned out! Only... isn't marriage about two becoming one, not two becoming two halves and resulting in something a little... off?

foxfire said...

I am reminded of the immortal words of Sally Field in _Steel Magnolias._

"It's got gray icing. I can't imagine how you would even make gray icing."

Ellen said...

And many of these cakes have a common theme... PANELING appears somewhere in the photo. Hmmm.

lawnajo said...

My 4 year old LOVES the Pepto cake and wants it for her Birthday. ::shaking head::

Christine said...

One of my friends made the last cake! LOL - I knew it looked familiar so I went to her website and sure enough there it was, the exact same one. She is a very talented sugar artist, all of the flowers, pinecones, and leaves are sugar. Not my style, but according to the comments from the bride it was exactly what they wanted! :-)

Blue Jean said...

Awww...the last one must be from the Xander/Willow wedding!*

*Yes, "Buffy" fans, I know Willow is gay (or at least, bisexual), but if she imagined her wedding to Xander, then so can I.

Matti said...

omg. The last cake -- split personality horror -- actually made me scream.

Matti

p.s.: I *love* you people!

Paula said...

I enjoy so much how a large portion of wedding cake wrecks have a wood panel wall background.

Flutterby said...

I am fairly certain several of those wedding cakes are not from professional decorators. There is just no freaking way... That greasy green slimy thing? Nuhuh... Looks like someone was trying to make the vines for the flowers and kept screwing up and tried to scrape them off. And that sewer pipe looking thing, that looks very home made as well. But.... ugh... icky icky no matter where they came from. Except the half and half cake, I have to agree with other comments on that one... it's kinda cute!

Amy said...

Okay, I must say the last cake? Innovative and imaginative! I don't think I could have it for my wedding cake, but it looks well executed and is creative.

Selky said...

Selky-
I'm loving all of this different versions of the song.

Here's the one my dad used to sing:

Great green globs of greasy grimey goofer guts,
mutilated monkey meat,
dirty little birdies feet.
French-fried eyeballs rolling in a pool of blood,
and I forgot my spoon, but I have a straw!

Anonymous said...

That's awesome, can't get enough frosty funnies.

Victoria