Or we could just agree they're funny regardless and get on with it.
Yep, that's the ticket.
Yet another example of why you really, really need to give your guy his own groom's cake:
And make sure your napkins coordinate.There are a million decisions to be made for your wedding day. Fortunately, though, you don't have to choose between your wedding topper, football helmet, resin "eagles raising the American flag" statue, and commemorative KISS doodads:
Notice how the eagle cake doesn't match the others?(No, I don't have anything snappy to say about that. Just seeing if you noticed.)
Bride: "I've been dreaming about my wedding cake since I was a little girl. It has to be amazing, perfect. When my guests see it, I want there to be fireworks. Can you do that?"
Baker: [scribbling on clipboard] "Fireworks. Got it."
To be fair, there were more toothpick spriggy things - but that was before the mini wiener dogs were served.Also, I never would have thought that muted gray-tone Lladro topper would go with an "exploding ticker tape parade in Rio" design...
...but, wouldn't you know it? I was right.Look, I love Renaissance Fairs, I really do. I even love that this couple got married at one. However, this?
This doth make mine bowels quiver in a most unseemly matter, m'lords and ladies. For sooth.Sam (the American) Eagle's wedding cake:
Speaking of which, what do you do if your elegantly designed wedding cake shows up thoroughly wonkified?
Three words:
Distract the eye.
I guarantee you no one noticed the tipping tiers.Amy S., Callie B., Julie Anne, Pam P., Anony M., & Chella S., I just realized that most (if not all) of today's Wrecks are American. I'm so proud I could bust.
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108 comments | Post a Comment
A Tribute to all nations, but MOSTLY America!
Muppets 3d Reference FTW!!!!
Love it! Another hit :)
Change the first one from a vertical red SUV to a horizontal gray DeLorean, and that'll change it from a wreck to the coolest wedding cake ever.
Nothing says "wedding" more to me than large mouth bass.
I have recently found your site and am totally addicted. Thanks for making me laugh ... and for making me that crazy person who's laughing by herself in the car at red lights.
That last one! No. Words.
I think it's a bad sign that the football helmet is on the highest tier, not the bride & groom topper.:O
I quite like the fireworks one...
Hey Jen,
Did you notice on the second one that not only is the design on the eagle different, but also the cakes are all diferent sizes? Holy cow, the baker coudln't even make a consistent size cake.ime
Cakes like that make me glad I got married at the county courthouse.
Seriously.
Heidi
I was married on the 4th of July, but I made absolutely sure that my wedding cake looked like it could be served on any day, not just July 4th. Still, you gotta love the level of patriotism they attempted to reach.
this blog is always the perfect way to start the day! I start out with a chuckle that by the end of the post is a full on hearty laugh often with tears running down my cheeks (from mirth of course!)...
Keep up the good work!
The cakes are funny on their own but your comments make them hilarious! Thank you for another giggle this morning. Why do people not look at the background when taking cake photos? There always seems to be a door, light switch, cement wall, trash can, or fan behind the cake table!
#1 I don't know what disturbs me more: the color clash of the pink lilies, pale topper, bold blue and green napkins, red dune buggy on a brown mud track, the fact that a dune buggy is racing up the side of the cake, which sort of makes it look like the groom is about to tip the bride over a cliff, or the defiance of gravity on the part of the dune buggy?
#2 does the bride just get one tier? or she is a big football or Kiss fan, too? or is the Kiss crap supposed to be "romantic" (as in kisses and hugs?) *shudder* very scary. but the red roses "soften" the effect. (I generally hate these floating tier things. they're so weird.)
#3: love the dialogue, Jen. could totally see that happening. And the cake looks ridiculous. maybe it was a fourth of July weekend wedding?
#4: looks totally unappetizing. you've had so many Sunday Sweets that would have fit this theme, but moldy, cracked mud is icky. looks airbrushed too. big vines springing from it...I'm waiting for an ROUS.
#5: WHY DOES THE CAKE HAVE WARTS?? (at least it's color coordinated, sinking into the pool of blue. must be a memorial day/labor day/4th of July wedding.)
#6 Funky fleur-de-lis, Rebel flag, and a fish. Yeah, that goes together "reel" nice.
I scrolled down the last one rather slowly, and so here is exactly what I was thinking:
Fleurs-de-lys? Are they French or are they Saints fans?
Ooh, it's all lopsided too.
*eyes open wide*
And on an enormous rebel flag. *cough* Well then. I guess the lopsidedness isn't so bad.
WV: noffixes - There are noffixes to make these cakes non-wrecky.
Did you notice that the bride/groom topper on the KISS cake and the Sam Eagle cake appear to match? I guess the odds of that increase once people start using more than one cake topper per cake, eh?
I know you've done plenty of Redneck cakes, especially wedding cakes, but there needs to be a day of "You know you're a redneck..." jokes.
But you may have done it already and I just plumb forgot.
Nothing says 'class' like a Kiss emblem/ football helmet/ rebel flag on your wedding cake.
These cakes are awesome and inspiring! I just found your blog and I am already a fan! I love the idea of purposely "messed up" cakes. Though I'm nowhere near as talented yet, please feel free to check out my baking blog: nikkiscakery.blogspot.com
I'm going to sign up as your follower so I can look back on the rest of your work and stay tuned in for what's next.
Oh man... I feel so bad for whoever came up with these designs - baker or client! (though the 1st one made me laugh) What terrible ideas and executions! I'd like to meet the one with fireworks though... "You want what? Fireworks on your cake? Can't you just have them in the air like most sane people? Ohhh, you saw it on Ace of Cakes... riiiight... they were real, you know..."
Come to think of it... these cake shows (AoC, Cake Boss, and the Challenges) should be restricted "Not to be watched by anyone stuck for ideas for their wedding cake, those who are too literal, or those with a complete lack of taste."
That fireworks cake.... There are no words to describe it.
Trevor--that's how the multi-floating tier cakes are done. They're like a standard layer cake (in graduating sizes) but instead of being stacked, they're floating on separate tiers.
Is it just me or is anyone else totally picturing a bride and groom in full Kiss makeup?
I can't handle how funny your blog is! I look forward to each post because I know that it will always make me laugh aloud. Thanks SO much!
Anyone else thinking the bass was suppose to be the cake topper?
Today's photos make me think that custom wedding cakes should be banned by law. The cakes themselves (except for the RenFair monstrosity) are well done - it's the designs/toppers/themes/flotsum that make them wrecks. The Sam Eagle cake without the flags and cascading ribbons is quite nice.
What do you suppose people will say when they are looking at wedding albums 20 years from now and come across these .. um .. works of art? It's like looking at prom photos from 20 years ago!
wv: concor
I concor that these are indeed wrecks.
I actually really, really like the fireworks one. But NOT as a wedding cake, and NOT with that topper.
It would be a lot of fun for New Year's eve, July 4th, Guy Fawkes day, Mardi Gras, anything but a wedding...
LOVING the Muppets reference!
And, just to be clear, I put on "The Princess Bride" after an hour reading through every comment on yesterday's page, reading many aloud to my fiance.
I argued for the split-personality wedding cake the other day, but I'll give you #1 today. :)
Sadly, where I'm from people would love the rebel flag cake and their number one concern would be making sure the flag didn't get dirty. They'd also totally notice the wonky tiers, but they'd be to nice to mention it because there's a good chance someone's meemaw made that cake. *sigh* I am surrounded by rednecks.
I love how the stock cake topper used for both the four-tier (can you call them tiers when they are not actually stacked, or even the same cake?) and the America cake looks like a mermaid got hitched to Jessica Rabbit.
I dunno, I quite like the "woodland fairy" one. Although I would have picked different fairies. Those were kind of creepy.
Also I don't mind the patriotic cake so much. It would have been nicer without the flags sticking in it though. Totally apropos for a military wedding (and being engaged to a Marine, this was the first thing I thought of).
I didn't see the ATV/Car thing on the first wreck at first sight. I thought "poop slide?" Interesting I didn't know that rivers of poo were a in demand theme for grooms cakes.
I actually think that the renaissance one is really well done. Why is it a Wreck? Ha! Just kidding. Looks like fairies in Poop World.
Also, the last one seems pretty appropriate, horrific as it is. The cake is lopsided, which is as much as you could expect for a cake that will be plopped in front of an ancient, no-frills wooden porch, as are the Fleur de Lys designs that kinda look like the birds we all used to draw in pictures when we were five years old. The rebel flag draping the table seems like it totally fits - that's all I'm saying.
My favorite thing about this week is that they all seem to be set up on an ancient folding table in front of brown paneling in a gym!
The people who bought that second cake(s) must suffer from an almost total inability to make decisions (in addition to their complete lack of taste).
As for the last one ... are you sure that was a wedding cake, and not a dessert at the awards dinner for a Civil Ware re-enactors' society's fishing tournament?
And anyway, where do you get molded figurines of bass jumping above Confederate battle flags? ... No, don't answer that, now that I think about it, I'd rather not know.
You should add the Bride's Cake from last night's TOP CHEF MASTERS on Bravo. Oy! What a mess. The cheftestants even said so.
From Anne
It looks to me like the cake topper in #2 and #5 are one in the same! Another thing those cakes have in common: They're both ugly monstrosities!
Even without the cake toppers, all of these cakes are pretty badly constructed and piped, although I'm a perfectionist. :P
Rebecca R, please don't look at the Internet while driving.
I don't want to be reading your obituary on Cake Wrecks just yet.
The flag cake has weird little protrusions that look like dog nipples...just sayin'...
The electric fan stuck in the middle of Cake(s) #2 reminds me somehow of the fans funeral homes set up during "viewings" so the deceased won't get too "ripe." Just sayin'.
One has to wonder what happens when the icing hits the fan in that multi-cake picture...
That fairy cake actually belongs to the set you did yesterday... It looks like it's harboring several rodents of unusual size...
"It's a tribute to all nations, but mostly America."
A net full of Jello!
Muppets 3D FTW! :D
Left little cake-eagle to the other little cake-eagle: "Hey, bruvver -- this is FUN! The frosting's all cool and squishy-like! (Squawk!)
Right little cake-eagle (looking up at bigger eagle): "DAD! My frikkin FEET are STUCK! Get us OUTTA of this dump! This place is CREEPY the decorations SUCK."
Big eagle: "I'd be happy to do that, Son; I'm just waiting for that fan to oscillate my way so I can catch an updraft!" *flap*flap*flap*
I'm with the Anonymous who asks "Why is the patriotic cake all lumpy? Did it break out with white warts or smallpox or what?"
It's kinda creepy when you want to give a wedding cake some Clerasil.
@anonymous:
Sorry, I think you missed the point. All wedding cake tiers shoudl be like 4" of cake. Each individual tier shoudl be the same height as the others (Okay, there are designs that you have a double tier, but the proportion would still be the same). These seem to vary in height. i think the baker needed to lay them all down and level them to the same height (IF they know how to level!)
What's sad is that #1 is a poor recreation of the cake featured in this post: http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/2009/01/you-say-redneck-like-its-bad-thing.html
I think it's a neat cake in terms of design and execution, though tacky for a wedding, but the one in this post — blurgh! It's a double wreck.
I love the way the fan is pointing towards the eagle topper, as if it's too hard for him to keep his wings up like that without a little help.
Hmmm... I don't think that first cake had the full cooperation of the decorator. I see 4/5th of a cake covered with expertly done Asiatic lilies and the mud-and-turf remainder done inexpertly.
Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley wouldn't approve that cake. Not flashy enough.
I don't think the fireworks cake is that bad. Not great, but it is cheerful...except for the topper.
The fairy cake is waaaaaay too earthy. Eeew. Is that tree an actual frosting covered branch?
I like the "It's a tribute to all nations, but mostly America." cake.
The last one. o.O My..my... You could snarkily speculate on bottles of JD in the kitchen, but we all know it's just a normal wreckinator day at work. Too bad the cake wasn't composed of kegs of well aged Tennessee whiskey instead...or a still, huh?
I love the KISS 'family' of cakes, where the layer that looks like it might actually be at a wedding is the smallest, sitting off to the side like an afterthought. Gotta have priorities!
About the firework cake- the sad thing is- this person has talent-the buttercream is smooth and they own an airbursh- hey, the fireworks don't look bad themselves- now- does the person have taste? Maybe the bride forced them to do it.
So did the person responsible for the fabulous napkin display around the first cake used to deal cards in Vegas?
Now I want to go see Muppets 3d! We were JUST listening to the pre-show in the car yesterday.
All I have to say is--and I quote the Geico Gecko--
"Oh, dear."
What is this about "groom's" cake. I've never seen anything like them before visiting your site. Well, I've seen a lot of firsts there LOL! Really LOL! Do people still serve grooms cake (fruit cake) wrapped in whatever to place beneath one's pillow - to dream on? No, I am not 300 years old. Norine
Odd-- but to me, the Rebelneck cake has the feelin' of bein' on a boat or sumpin, 'cause the backgroun' looks (TO ME) more like a PIER than a porch.
...An they's jest pullin' up to it with the cake, what they jest picked up down to the little riverside quick stop convenience store. They's so frenly down there, why, they'll whip you up a weddin' cake while you wait, if'n they don't already have one out back. Real naace folks. Uh huh.
=^-.-^=
Oh lord. I did get married on the Fourth of July last year, and we did have firework designs on our cake, but ours looked downright subtle compared to these. I admit to being a bit anxious when ordering the cake because by that time I was a devoted follower of this blog, but everything turned out great. :)
I attended, and helped with, a wedding that was very low key, very low budget, and with a Celtic theme last week. The cake wasn't done by a professional, but can I still send the wreck to you?
The last cake, all I noticed was the leaning tiers until my wife mentioned how the confederate flags were a bit over the top. I grew up in the south, so a confederate bass cake seems fitting. She grew up in Utah.
AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!
(running from the room)
I need to find an eyewash station, my eyes are burning from the horror!
Whose idea was it to smear that first cake with feces?!
Norine,
A grooms' cake here in the south is usually a separate cake served at the rehearsal dinner or wedding reception, with a nod to the groom's hobby or something. Most that I see/make are chocolate with fruit, or the groom's favorite kind of cake :)
Um, on cake #4, is that - could it possibly be - one of those singing fish things? I mean, thses folks may live in an old house with an unpainted porch, but they obviously have taste. Poor, but taste.
Cake #4 looks as if it has something to do with A Midsummer Night's Dream, perhaps. But as much as I like Shakespeare, there's no way I'm eating those squiggly mounds of greenish-black icing. Shrek would love that cake.
"It's a tribute to all nations, but mostly America."
That is our favorite, favorite line from that show (or, technically, pre-show)! We go to MuppetVision 3D every year just for that line!
I have to admit, that I want to take some Clearasil to the pustules on the Patriotic cake.
Texture is one thing, but this is pretty gross...
I hope the people who ate the flag cake didn't get sick. I personally throw cakes out if they have fungus growing on them instead of trying to hide it all under frosting.
The last one made me chuckle. Nice.
That's nothing. I went to a wedding and the groom was VERY politically involved- their cake was in the shape of an elephant (I'll let you guess which party he was...) At least he wasn't a Democrat.
"What was your cake?"
"Oh, a large #@&."
Coolest Cake Wrecks post Title ever! :)
What *kind* of person would seal the deal with one of these wrecks?! Betty Crocker ala Publix turns out better. How does a baker stand back and look at one of these cakes and think "Done!" :) And how do brides across America place these cakes on adorned places of honor and think "Perfect!"; unless it's a shock to them, too.
"Well, and here's the cake..."
"AGHGAHghgh!" *dead faint*
I guess it's just me, but it looks like that SUV's trying to get up under the bride's skirt. Sort of like that whole trashy thing some couples do where the groom has to go up under the bride's gown and take off the garter with only his teeth...
The second cakes would be a wreck even without the separate toppers. Lousy piping and why is the icing stippled like the popcorn ceilings?! The toppers are actually an improvement...
The third one looks like painted styrofoam to me. Ugh. It's also slightly lopsided.
The patriotic one... clearasil ! Love it. Does make me wonder if that's a weird commentary on patriotism, America or something...?? Plus, removing those ribbons to slice the cake will be a mess. And I hope those ribbons were washed before applied...
The last one. I guess the fact that the table's lopsided relative to that wooden deck just says everything.
It's sad when the RenFair one is the best of the bunch. At least it looks edible!!
Whoa... the South may rise again, but not so sure about that cake.
Quite creative, really. I would NEVER have come up with "Renaissance Turd Fairies" as a wedding theme.
Hubby & I got married at a Renaissance Festival, I promise our cake looked NOTHING like that monstrosity. I have pictures to prove it! I also have pictures of a group of wenches catching my bouquet :D Ah, but I digress.
Cheese wheels? Moldy, waxy cheese wheels? Mottled, moldy, waxy cheese wheels?
Ugly faeries? Creepy, ugly faeries?
Creepy, ugly, mottled, moldy, waxy cheese-loving faeries?
=^>.<^=
Are you SURE this are professionally done? My sister asked me to do her wedding cake.
Of course, I was wise enough to say NO. But if I'd said YES, it mighty looked a little like these.
Or worse
nothing says "true love" like a truck frozen on a river of fecal matter... :::shudders:::
the airbrushing on the "fireworks" cake looks more like the background flowers on Spongebob! although, with the colors its as if Spongebob took a vacation to Rio. lol
I would have just gone all KISS with the one cake, since I am a member of the KISS army. Those letters are actually stands for the four dolls of the band members. I have them sitting above me right now!
Oh. Oh my god.
What is up with that fish??
I really like Sam (the American) Eagle's wedding cake.
Maybe I'm just "moto"...I really like it.
I know it's so wrong, but I love your wedding wrecks sooooo much.
Thanks Beth - I think. So, does the South hold some special place in wedding **** (you fill in the word) for such things as grooms' cakes? Or are mainly Southerners getting married these days - or... give me some other perspective, as these are just so egregious that they are a natural for the CakeWrecks site. I'm having a complete cultural breakdown as a city girl Northwesterner, and I cannot stop watching. I think we need to start submitting totem pole cakes for equal time/space, and I, of course, think totem poles are really cool, but maybe not for a wedding cake - Norine
You really can't beat Steel Magnolias for the ultimate in tacky groom's cake - just thinking about seeing them hack into the "bleeding armadillo" cake makes me laugh.
I am in awe of the gravity-defying car.
Only, I DID notice the tilted tiers.
I think that Renaissance cake really is from the 15th century – that would explain the odd color and texture.
The use of wedding cake to express ultra patriotism amuses us non-Americans. Chuckle, chuckle.
Just remember that not everyone from the South is a Confederate-flag-waving redneck. =) They do exist (I may be related to some of them) but I would say Southerners are the same as most folks. Maybe a tad friendlier, which some people might think is weird.
That said, I went to an indoor swap meet while visiting my dad once (he lives in Florida) and oh, dear. I think the 'Rebel Bass' cake topper (for sure the Stars and Bars 'table drape') might have been for sale there.
omg
You don't know how much I needed this laugh today. I absolutely LOVE your blog!
My love for cake is exceeded only by my love for my husband, who's been mine for 39 years today. But we didn't have a wedding cake. Of any kind. So all of these wrecks? They're ever so much tastier than air, even if they exhibit no taste. Sigh...
I love everything about that Ren Faire cake except that orange/brown/vomit color.
"It's a tribute to all nations, but mostly America."
OK, now I know you're cool!
I think the Sam (the American) eagle cake might be allergic to the American flag, that could explain the hives on it.
The Bass cake just has me singin' "give me that fillet o' Fish, Give me that Fish..."
My 2 year old just saw the fireworks cake and said, "Look at those spiders!"
The Pooissance cake is quite nasty-looking and I'll bet you dollars to donuts that the last cake has a good ol' heaping of Jack Daniels in it.
I never got to actually make it, but I once had a preliminary order for a wedding cake torn up on one side with godzilla having "climbed" up the cake to the top. The first one reminded me of that order right away!
Thanks for the Muppets 3D shout out.
the wreckiness never ceases to amaze me!
This week has made me so glad I chose a uninteresting white cake with standard icing roses when I got married.
Is so happy I was not the bride who received any of these "masterpieces". I would run screaming if I even had to eat those scary things. Is still laughing at the "fireworks" cake.. sheesh.
i think the real common denominator here is the abundance of wood paneling in the display areas. #godforbid
1. Sam the eagle's cake has the same cake topper as the "kiss, football, eagle cake.
2. the last one? OMG I think that's the "grooms" cake and those are supposed to be fish hooks. I'm sure "Free Bird" played at the reception.
I love the Sam Eagle reference!
That last cake needs a Sarah Palin/Rush Limbaugh cake topper.
AHH Love!
Oh my.. I'm due to make my first wedding cake for a friend and theese pictures are scaring me!
The fireworks cake is the only one that is alright, in my opinion maybe not as a wedding cake but eh..... the cake topper is only appropriate if you're marrying the flukeman from X-Files. (sigh) (- _ -)
Just a reminder to all the potential brides and grooms out there. Yes, I value and encourage creativity.
However,
::drum roll::
YOU WILL SOBER UP at some point and photos last forever.
Take this same advice to heart when you are choosing names for your first born!
wv: "versew" as in these cakes are ver . . . (no that's not it), these cakes are sew . . .(nah not it either, aw, to heck with it!)
Terri
www.whyifearclowns.com
I read all the comments, laughed myself silly, and then rechecked the wrecks to see if I was being too critical.
Nope, I wasn't. These are cakes you and your friends make for the wedding while drinking copious amounts of mimosas. A pro should have just said "no".
Just noticed that the KISS cake and the Sam Eagle cake have the same flukeman/mermaid topper.
Must have been a clearance sale at the Dollar Store.
The fireworks cake had some humor, but the topper completely spoiled it. You can't be traditional and avante-garde at the same time. Should have just gone with a disco ball instead!
Blech!
Terri
www.whyifearclowns.com
I have several things to say about this:
#3: I think the "fireworks" might actually be flowers. No, honestly, I think the clients wanted some nice tulip-colored flowers. They just ended up like intoxicated Hawaiian flowers.
#4: That looks like moldy cheese.
#5: It has HIVES!
#6: Did anyone else notice the Confederate flag draped around it?
Great Muppets 3D Reference! That happens to be my favorite line in the show...bravo!
Excellent - I remember when Callie first emailed me a picture of that cake and I was astounded. People love their football down here, and people often put that on their groom's cakes, but some people are just a little more, um - shall we say "enthusiastic" - than others :-D