Monday, May 24, 2010

The Baby Cake Gets Cut Down to Size

Monday, May 24, 2010

You know how sometimes you see a baby cake that's not too horrendously awful, and your first reaction is something like,

"
Aw, just lookit that face! Who's a cute widdle boopsie woopsie baby? Is it you? Yes, it's you!!"

(Actually, sorry, that's John talking to our cats. My bad.)

Anyway, my point is that while some of these baby cakes might be just the teensiest bit cute, you have to remember one very important thing:

It's all fun and games 'til you cut the cake.


Yes, I have an example. Brace yourself.

Here we have the standard old man baby cake:

I say we call him Benjamin. ('Cuz he's cute as a Button!)

[Quick side note: in case you're wondering, as I did, why he's on a food court tray: it turns out that's a new type of cake board popping up in bakeries. Weird, I know. Ok, sorry to interrupt. Let's move on.]

And just so you get the full effect:

Just lookit that face!

No really, look at it. Aren't you glad the eyes aren't open?

[shiver] Whoah. I just gave myself the willies. (Or should I call them the "bennies?")


Okay. So, ├╝ber realistic baby. Been there, done that. However, here's where things get...

...cutting.

I would insert some side-splitting commentary here about how stabbing someone in the back always gets you the cold shoulder in the end - but as you can see, there's no need. He's already "waist"ing away!

Oh, Oh! Wait! I have one more:

Hey, Benji! You just got served!

Bwahahahahahaahaa!


Ah, I crack myself up sometimes.

Anyway, we still haven't gotten to the worst part yet. The worst part actually, literally, in real reality, honestly gave John nightmares. Seriously. So now he won't let me post it here. Instead, I'm going to link to it. But please, all joking aside, choose your clicks wisely. I'm here to make you laugh, not give you nightmares - and this thing puts the "ick" in "squicky."

Ok, enough warnings (since I'm sure they're having the opposite affect anyway): Click here to see the final photo.


Thanks to Kimberley K., who will never again say to a child, "I could just eat you up!"

Note from John: I initially made that last picture a separate post and linked to it, not realizing it would show up in Google readers before the actual post. Oops. Sorry to those of you who clicked on it with no warning! Oh and if the new link doesn't work, you may have to refresh the page.
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Valerie said...

Oh man, I knew I shouldn't have clicked...

Amanda said...

I don't care if it makes me an awful person, but that pic just cracked me up! Glad to see I'm not alone in the "Not creeped out" section, and to all of you who mentioned the fact that the cake wasn't red or pink... Okay, but I still wonder if it was on purpose, or that it just never occurred to the baker to use those...

Jen said...

AAAAGH...I thought "Silence of the Lambs" was the only thing that could give me a lifetime of nightmares. Holy crap, that's disturbing!

Jolene said...

Oh my.....I really wish I hadn't clicked on that link. I didn't realize it would be so...um...


I think I need a glass of water.


Jolene

Anonymous said...

Andrea - Think things through? Did you think this was an accident?

Jess - really? This is "a _hated_ thing"? Maybe you should get on your unicorn and fly back to Narnia or wherever it is you came from.

And to all the other babycake-ists: You've never bitten the head off a gingerbread man before? Try it. Live a little.

Anonymous said...

That tray is from IKEA!!!! I have one just the same (Im trying not to look at what's on it)

Cecile said...

So, was this a tribute to Fat Bastard from The Spy Who Shagged me?

el said...

Brain bleach. I need brain bleach. And eye bleach. I'm going to vomit...

WV: tillit. Cut tillit hurts.

patrick said...

Tasty, yet tasteless

Alison said...

Sweet mother of the divine infant, that cake is going to haunt me forever.

ThatDeborahGirl said...

OMG! I envisioned only a head. Not, chopped up lips & face. ACK!

kayk said...

In an old Mutter Museum calendar I own, there's a photo of an actual head sliced and preserved that's very similar to the linked photo.

Somehow, it's ickier in cake.

Marie said...

More from this brilliant artist/baker:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/dangentle/sets/72157622750248719/

p.s. he's actually a very nice, mostly normal guy

JM said...

Should have been a red velvet cake!

Annie of Blue Gables said...

Oh Dear! That is terrible. ::shudder::

smiles :) said...

Aughhhhhh!!! That was truly a terrifying post, esp the last photo. and this is not the baker's fault; who orders an edible baby?!!! and even better, after that last photo I opened an e-mail with pics of a friend's new baby, and my mind helped me picture her (disturbingly) as cake. Get ready creepy dreams, here I come! ;)

Lorinda said...

Suddenly I have an urge to watch "Cube" again.

Anonymous said...

I hear they taste like veal...

really though, that made me yell GAWD! at my monitor. Worst. Wreck. Ever.

Alex said...

O-oh. Oh gosh.

Oh gosh. Sliced baby face.

SLICED BABY FACE

D:

Boots McGraw said...

OMG... there is not enough eye bleach on the planet to erase that visual from my mind.

Someone please smack the creator of that cake with a large, Microsoft-compatible trout.

L.B. said...

I had to click on the link... and actually had no problem with the picture. Horribly inappropriate but incredibly hilarious.

Mudhooks said...

Oh.... dear.... GOD!.....

takapitcha said...

no no no no no no no

brandi said...

i hated that last picture so much. like...SO MUCH.

Macy said...

Okay, I really want to get my girlfriend a realistic baby cake for her birthday. Because they're not just creepy, they're hilarious. Does anyone know of a bakery in the San Francisco bay area that makes these?

Red Wolf said...

I was going to say it would have been better if they took the fondant of the "face" off first (if that is fondant) but then I realized what THAT would look like. *shudder*

Soozcat said...

Just imagine filling it with raspberry jam.

Jane B. said...

Okay...I'm a little late on this one...but am I the only person who immediately thought of Tom Bergeron from America's Funniest Home Videos? You know, when he pastes his big head onto other people's videos of little kids & babies...That's all I see when I look at this cake...

Elle said...

If this were a real baby, it would be what my husband and his friends call a "chadult."

Katie said...

OMG! That is SERIOUSLY disturbing!

Anonymous said...

I didn't think it was that bad. I mean, yeah at first glance it's shocking, but in the end it's just cake. It'd be fantastic for a halloween party! Guess I'm just too big of a gore fan.

Michelle said...

So incredibly freaky! WHO thought this was a great idea? "Happy Baby, now let's hack this one up!" Did they rock/paper/scissors or draw straws for who had to cut it????? I guess we should be grateful that it wasn't a red velvet cake. :-O

Evelyn Blair said...

It looks like the dead baby from "Trainspotting"...

Kristan said...

REVOLTING!!!!!!!! BARBARIC!!!! CANABALISTIC!!!!

Elaine said...

Eh. It's still only cake. Weird cake, but just cake.

Some of you are either very melodramatic or very sheltered if this is somehow the worst thing you have seen or can think of.

Steph said...

These things are always for baby showers. You'd think they'd be more appropriate to celebrate getting your tubes tied.

Brenda said...

dicey

Samantha said...

My three year old walked over while I was looking at this post and wanted to know why that person was poking the baby in the bum. He'll be scared for life. I'm still laughing.

*~kristen~* said...

i know i'm not the first one to mention this (because i use the 'find' tool on the page), but it totally reminds me of tom petty's video for 'don't come around here no more' where alice turns into a cake and they start serving her!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h0JvF9vpqx8

Eileen said...

I have a theory that the bakers who make these baby cakes are somehow lost souls who were born to be dollmakers and found themselves as bakers. I think we should form an intervention team to help them re-direct their passions in appropriate ways. Realistic dolls - amazing and cool. REalistic baby cakes - amazing and psychopathic.

Ann said...

Moncler jackets

Bubby said...

The head should have been made of gray cake with raspberry filling. THAT would have been the stuff of nightmares.

Ashley Lois said...

my sister walked by when i was reading this and she said "oh what's wrong with that baby?" she felt sorry for the cake :)

Anonymous said...

EAT BABIES!! oorah and Semper Fi.

Gabby said...

Oh my gosh! That's horrible!

Anonymous said...

Wow, that last one was disturbing! Looks like Chucky finally met his match.

Zach said...

AWESOME!

Brie said...

I laughed so hard at this for so long, i thought i was gonna throw up. I want a midget-on-a-platter cake at MY next birthday!

Michael said...

At first I found that cake to be really disturbing. Then, I got to use to it as much as one could; wondering who would by much less make this. At this point I could see the humor in it and was laughing. Then, after seeing the final picture I think it was horrified then laughter. I was half glad half disappointed that they didn't use cherry filling.

Anonymous said...

Wow,Just wanted to say that your blog is addicting. This is just harlious!(the cake too).:)

Amber said...

Wow, I shouldnt have looked but of course I did...Now I'll have nightmares of someone cutting a baby! lol

Justyne said...

That link to the last picture....SHUDDER!!! I cannot unsee that and I'm sure that will haunt me for the REST of my life!! OMG!

Sandra said...

OMG! that is just too creepy for a baby shower cake.

Joanna said...

I used to work at a party store many years ago and they sold BABY PINATAS! Really - a pink or blue clad crawling baby pinata. Who in their right mind would BUY (never mind make) such a thing. I googled this to see if I could find a picture but, alas, no luck. I guess pinata-makers finally came to their senses!

Anonymous said...

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Olivia

Anonymous said...

It's going to be ok. IT'S GOING TO BE OKAY!
(sob sob)

Olivia

Alexis said...

Good God! the worst part was DEFINITELY the worst!! I didn't realize it was his face for a second there..*shiver*

Christina Viering said...

It is disconcerting!

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