Friday, February 19, 2010

Otherwise Engaged

Friday, February 19, 2010

In all fairness, who doesn't want to look like a hot Victoria's Secret babe on her bridal shower cake?

Although with those silver eyes, white lips, and hair streaks, Lubna is looking more like a bridal banshee. Assuming that "bridal" = "bikini" of course. (Hey, it's happened before...)


At least Lubna gets a rockin' bod on her cake, though. As opposed to... well, a rockin' bod:

Behold, the bridal shower weeble wobble!!

Yep, this cheeky little lady salutes all Wreckerators who would pipe icing over a lace-wrapped cake board.


Still, which is worse, ladies? Bad bridal thongs, or raiding your toddler's toy chest?

Wowza. There's so much unidentifiable pellet flotsam on this thing, I'd be looking for rogue bunnies nearby.


Well, never mind which is worse - because this one beats them all, hands down:

Just take a card, and back away slowly.


Jonora A., Megan S., Anony M., & Travis D., isn't it nice to get these things off your chest?

- Related Wreckage: This One's for the Girls
The Boob Nazi said...

That butt picture is HILARIOUS. Who wouldn't want to cut into it and eat it? I call the rhinestone!

Christina said...

....... WOW. That last one... I just... do they realize that if it's supposed to be her own hands that they're backwards? But I guess if it's someone else groping the decapitated torso, that it would be right.
Those first two are just...wrong. Have some tact people! I blame those who order these cakes just as much as the wreckorators.

ellemck1 said...

That last one... oh. my. The detached hands. oh. my.

Amber said...

Is that last one supposed to be a cake for a recent graduate of a masseuse school maybe?

Trevor said...

I don't know that I agree that the last one is the worst, but it may well be. The Wreckarator didn't even bother to finish ICING THE HANDS. I guess she needed to wash her own hands of the thing (Or not, since there were business cards there).

That flotsom and jetsom? OMG! UGLY! disgusting. Are we sure that was professional? Worse, WHY does that person actually have a business in the first place?

Fluffy Cow said...

Wow, that little icing thong just kinda disappears there, huh?

Eew.

The Shitty Astrologer said...

Those cakes are going to lead to some awesome apres cake sex...!

Anonymous said...

You forgot to mention that the victoria secrets banshee also has a pink mustache.

Lady Anne said...

Those white lips make the bride look as if she has a moustache! Do you think the pellets all over the Cinderalla cake are supposed to be pennies from heaven? But what the dickens is the story behind the hands-on-chest cake? Celebrating new implants, maybe?

Anonymous said...

One question... On cake #2, Where exactly is that thong disappearing to?

Bev said...

Cake #4...congratulations on what? having your hands amputated and reattached to your chest?

Goosey said...

I love love love Cinderella driving HERSELF to the ball, chariot-style!

Bilby P. Dalgyte said...

Lol, weeble wobble :P

Anonymous said...

Looks like the Princess Bride is about to bail from her carriage. I would love to see the look on the face of the first one to take a bite of that pre-chewed wreck of a cake, when they bite into one of those peppercorn pebbles scattered about!

NYCGirl said...

As bad as those cakes are, what you'll see if you click on the "it's happened before" link is even worse.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go scrub my brain.

Lauren Borquez said...

These were very entertaining...is it wrong of me to think the one in the thong looks kinda hawt? lol

Miranda said...

Whoa, man. In my day, weddings were a dignified affair....harrumph!

Is #2 marrying Sir Mix-A-Lot?

Melinda said...

Oh. My. They are all horrendous, but that last one? Unbelievable. I cannot imagine having anything so mortifyingly tasteless at a wedding shower!

hmmm... said...

At least most of the flotsam Nadia's cake looks edible. I can identify the strawberries, gooseberries, blackberries, raspberries and blueberries. Are there currants that small, or are those peppercorns?

The Deranged Housewife said...

What's with Lubna's mouth? Is she sporting a Wilford Brimley mustache or just foaming at the mouth?

Carrie said...

What is that last one supposed to be? Or represent? Or anything?

Alex Getts said...

As terrible as those are, I don't think anything beats the link posted with the first cake.....

Miranda said...

Boy, these are some classy cakes! Is the second one . . . um . . . kneeling? And that last one, what is it even supposed to be? Is it a man's chest with a woman's hands on it? Or is it his back? Or maybe she's cupping her own chest in a suggestive way?

mn_me said...

i wish i could capture the puzzlement i feel when looking at these "creations" trying to figure out, "WHY"?

the second on has a rock On her bod... by the way..

Bryna said...

Okay, I am overwhelmed with my comments...
The first cake is creepy, but not as much so as that wedding. Damn! How did you find that one?!?!!?

The second cake is rediculous, but I'm wondering what the wreckorator wrote in red icing next to the torso.

The third cake, yuck.

The last one. Disturbing to the nth degree. severed hands on a chest? What is it supposed to be? And is the cake decorator REALLY advertising their work with those business cards??? REALLY?!?!?

maxon said...

Dead hands ...

maxon said...

PS - thanks for the link to the tacky weddings site. I'll be busy and happy for days now.

Zita said...

Shower of Love and Hoappiness?

vldecker said...

I wonder if the base for the butt cake was made with one of those penis shaped pans, then the arms added from another cake.

Anonymous said...

The wreckorator of #3 sure did an impressive job of presenting the ugliest side of each and every fruit s/he put on "Madia's" "Hoappi mess" of a cake.

I, too, need a shower!

Tiffany said...

Thanks for the link to the Bridezilla. It reminds me of my mother's quote - "expensive doesn't always mean it's better" (or even a good idea at all!!) YIKES!!

Tiffany said...

@vldecker -

I had the exact same thought....

Need Mental Floss - STAT!!!

Hannah said...

That last one I'm sure is of hands massaging a back, hence the crease down the middle, and lack of breasts. Far less dirty. I'm also guessing "congratulations (on finishing massage school)!"

Gary said...

Getting married in a bikini ... ugh.

The best thing, though, is that the wrecker of the severed-body-parts cake put his or her business card next to it, knowing that every guest would want one for themselves!

Anonymous said...

Why is Lubna foaming at the mouth?

why is there a veil and rhinestone studded g-string on the full-bottomed #2? with her arm up like she's posing?

Why is Cinderella driving through a mine field? is that fruit shrapnel?

I just don't understand #4. Why is a pair of detached hands with nailpolish (and no ring, btw) groping someone's disembodied chest? just what are we congratulating here?

Anonymous said...

.....so where exactly is that thong going when it suddenly vanishes ....on second thoughts, don't tell me, I'd rather not know or we'll be back in the terrifying realm of chocolate/poo


.....and shouldn't the first bride have removed her depilatory mustache cream before posing for the cake?


.... nothing says nuptial bliss quite like severed, bloodless, decomposing hands, ah bless


(here in the boring old freezing cold UK brides tend to wear plain old white dresses)

Pamela said...

At first glance it looks like plastic carrots but I think that they are sliced strawberries.

Cheressa said...

What on earth is the last one suppose to be congratulating!?!?
o_O

Anonymous said...

Are we absolutely positive that last one is cake? Looks like shaped concrete to me... or possibly clay...

Anonymous said...

So what is #4 congratulating? A chest wax? a manicure? a boob job? a new job as a masseuse? (can't tell if that's a chest or a back...) a beheading?

I. don't. get. it.

Anonymous said...

#4--is she groping herself or someone else? *confused*

msyendor said...

Whoa. Angel dust. Yup. Explains the rest.

andygirl said...

Oh good god where does that thong disappear to? I do not want to know.

grdngrl said...

Ummm, did anyone else notice that the flotsam cake says "Shower of Love and HappiMess?

wundermary said...

I wondered what the third cake was meant to be a congratulation for. Then I shuddered and decided I didn't want to know, after all.

Anonymous said...

um, Anon @ 10:50, the bridezilla on the link to the first one (bikini bride with big boobs) apparently is in the UK. couldn't say boring white dress there!

Etiquette Bitch said...

urg. barf. CW2 looks like she (the bride) is...drinking? waving to someone? covering her embarrassed face with her hand?

the last cw, i'm guessing was perhaps for a massage therapist? it looks like hands on a back to me.

Darling One said...

I have no idea what to think about the hands on the torso thing...what exactly does that symbolize?

I swear that thong wearing cake on the lace used a cake pan shaped like another "thing" that might be used for a themed bachlorette party, if ya know what I mean.

Lauren said...

at least the toy cake kind of warns you. it does say "showers of love and HAPPIMESS." with all those toys, it does indeed look like happimess to me.

Courtney C. said...

I was just sent into a mild state of loss of all brain functions because of the last one....that's why mom always said "don't do crack"...that cake will happen.....

Heather said...

CW#3 looks like the garbage disposal backed up on it. And why is it labeled, "Shower of Love amd koappimess Madia"?

The more I think about it it may be one of the best labeled CW of all time. It is a shower of koappimess!

Just Jim said...

I love the "Shower of love and Hoapimess" cake

Rachel H. said...

Okay, that last one made me go "Huh?" Thanks for sharing. I think. :D

Bakingdom said...

I have to wonder what the recipients of these cakes are thinking? I mean, do they actually think they're ace???

And that last cake was a little too disturbingly like the first season of Dexter for me...

Rebecca D said...

I just can't figure out what was going on in the mind of the decorator that last one... Is it two dis-embodied hands on her back... his back... her flat chest... and why?? and do I even want to know why???...

Kristers said...

But it's the lace-wrapped board that gives it Class!

JelliDonut said...

I clicked on the link for the first cake. I am going to drown myself now. Goodbye.

cosas de cocina said...

I think Lubna forgot to remove her depilatory cream from her upper lips...

Mella said...

The butt cake mmh?

Well , fat bottomed girls make the rocking world go round

drgns4vr said...

After reading the comments, I discovered I was wrong. The wording on cake #3 is NOT "sloppiness" like I thought.
I'm just glad I don't get invited to many wedding showers any more if attendees are being penalized with cakes like this.

Amanda in Austin said...

Ok. That last cake?

What the what?

Caitlin said...

ah, gotta love that link!

just FYI, it's a traditional Gypsy/traveler wedding. They marry young, drop out of school young etc etc and live in caravans (trailers) going place to place. Somehow they are in the majority stonking rich. I wish I knew how!

as anonymous said earlier, most UK weddings are a white dress and tuxes affair. Am enjoying the tacky wedding site though!

catchat105 said...

On top of the overall ugliness/what-were-they-thinking-ness, I find it very unappetizing that the horse drawing the carriage has hair and is being used as a cake topper. In addition to the flotsam, to have to pick hairs out of a piece of cake is just disgusting.

Carolyn said...

I believe the butt cake is Wonder Woman in disguise!! http://www.starshows.com/images/wilton/ww.JPG

Wonder Woman's got back!

Shirley said...

Why does Lubna have angel wings? I'm not sure I really want to know...

Nirac82 said...

I think the 4th cake was for breast cancer awareness month...but women might be afraid to examine themselves for fear of dismembered hands! I love your site have to check it everyday!

Gary said...

Anonymous said:
"... (here in the boring old freezing cold UK brides tend to wear plain old white dresses)."

Apparently, this is not as true as we might wish. Click on the link Jen provided under the first (string bikini) cake. That WAS in the UK!

Gary said...

Amber said...
"Is that last one supposed to be a cake for a recent graduate of a masseuse school maybe?"

Not unless this masseuse treats dismembered dead people.

Massaging the dead ... hmm ... I don't really want to think about that too much.

Me Myself & Moi said...

Flotsam cake: what IS all that crap, and why is it on the cake? Did someone drop their paper plate of fruit while standing near it?
Last cake: Just Plain TACKY.
What that even "professionally" done? - is that why the business cards were there? I wouldn't admit to making that horror. I would be hiding my face in a paper bag.

Anonymous said...

@Shirley--

"Angels" are what Victoria's Secret calls their lingerie models, credit card holders, customers...

http://www.ruggedelegantliving.com/a/images/VS.Fashion.05.Angels.jpg



I don't think those gals eat a lot of cake, though.

Just Me,Pilgrim said...

OK...the last picture...um....

Congratulations...for your new hands? Your new...detached hands? Your new backwards hands? WHAT! I have to know!

Valerie said...

Behold, the bridal shower weeble wobble!!

Hey, I resemble that remark!

BADKarma! said...

Isn't the source of all those little brown clusters of pellets on the "Cinderella" cake perfectly obvious? I mean, c'mon... He's standing right there in front of the pumpkin carriage, and let's face it: He make LOOK like a splendiferous, rainbow-maned horsie right now, but he DID start life as a mouse...

shadow said...

I don't think that cake board is lace-wrapped. I think it's WRAPPING PAPER wrapped. There's too much of a shiny reflection on the corner.

izuma said...

I don't know if I'm right in any way but that last one might be... someone massaging a back? Maybe?

ACM said...

My theory on the last cake: the wreckerator was very proud of making a cake for the guy from Memento after he got engaged (the tattoo across his chest is so he'll remember, of course - although there is no 'of course' for the severed hands), and so she chose that cake to advertise her business. Who wouldn't want Memento guy's cake designer?

Anonymous said...

For the hand cake, I'm thinking that the hands were attached to the body, but the wreckorator noticed that he/she didn't have a big enough board for the whole thing, so came up with this great idea. That would explain the un-iced edges. Doesn't explain what happened to the rest of the arms, but maybe it's a person with really short arms!

Ryan, Corrie, Max, and Jack said...

The one with the toys looks like it got thrown up all over it. I'm just saying....

And my bridal shower cake was a suitcase (cuz we were going to San Francisco) so I'm feeling kind of cheated now....

abi said...

I think you've got it all wrong about the wreckerator advertising alongside the disembodied-hands cake. A truly enterprising baker who produced that unidentifiable mess would put their competitor's cards there.

Also, to BADKarma!: Best comment so far. Started life as a mouse, indeed.

emily said...

Those are all hideous, and I also thought that the butt cake is probably made from a penis cake mold.

Also, "Lubna" looked more to me like a kogal/ganguro/manba type--and if you don't know what those are, do a google image search. It'll be safe for work, just not safe for sanity...

Fanboy Wife said...

Is that bottom one for an Addams Family shower? (Who knew Thing wanted to get his nails done?)

AquilaLorelei said...

Did anybody else see that last cake as, well, kinda' sexual? I mean, I *think* it's supposed to look like the woman is grabbing the man's back while they're... "on their honeymoon," shall we say. *LOOK* at it. (Well, no closer than you already have, perhaps. That way lies madness...) But honestly that was the first thing I saw. That's why her hands are "backwards."
WV: "calen" Boy, I find it hard to believe any of these bakers would think their skills are 'calen-te'..."

Cory said...

The second one reminds me of Samara, the evil little girl, from the Ring. It's sort of creeping me out.

Nani said...

That is so freaky it's funny.

peewee said...

I don't AT ALL understand the last cake. AT all. Like, at all.

Marie said...

Cake #4 there aren't enough words to express the horror.. all I can think of is halloween came early and to celebrate surviving the zombie attack the baker made this.. well at least they left cards so people know who to blame.. lol

Can't See Sheep said...

Does the half nekkid banshee have rabies?

Who wants a butt for their bridal shower??? That second ones basic shape made me think of a waving barbapapa.
http://www.zwatla.com/emoticones/barbapapa/13.gif

Weebles may not fall down, but apparently their bums make thongs vanish.

I like Cinderella in her chariot, I can almost hear the whip cracking as she pulls a Ben-hur on the way to the ball, forcing her evil stepmother's carriage off the road, yeehah!!!

The last one, hacked up body parts?? #4 would do better with discoloured skin, fake blood & sold as a zombie parts cake for Hallowe'en, it'd be less disturbing that way. What do you celebrate with that? Congratulations on your farm equipment accident, happy amputee-ism?

I love this blog it gives me the giggles & I can always count on it to get my imagination fired up. Thank you so much for the link to the Tacky Wedding's blog, this is going to be fun.

Ingeborg said...

Wow. I'm not even sure the first one says 'bridal'. It looks more like 'brĂ¼dal'. Which is special, to say the least.

Jerry said...

I think Lubna is a vampire, those look like fangs to me. The wings, just to disguise the fact she's a vampire.

I think the My Little Pony on the Cinderella cake looks scared. I don't blame him.

Anonymous said...

I love the, "happimess" on the third cake - lol

Anonymous said...

On the flotsam cake, I guess those could be gooseberries - but, they look like tomatillos to me.

Amy said...

The last cake is a celebration of finally getting her hands on a man!

bats :[ said...

Now, I could see that from-the-back offering a keen cake for the bachelor party.
Wait, what? She *isn't* doing what I think she's doing?

WendyMom said...

OK- the third one almost made me puke- what in the Sam hill are they thinking with the pastel green air brush mess and all that fruit? I guess? Is that fruit???? My daughter has that princess toy and I can tell you that in all actuality- the fake hair from the mane was probably on the cake too. It is really long.....

Then I saw the 4th picture- and GOOD GRIEF! What in the?!?!? Whew-- I need a break now....

cheryl_bites said...

*Extremely put off* Good lord, the Tacky Weddings link is just appalling. The post itself isn't too bad, but the comments are an interminable screed of racial hatred. This post would have been a great deal more enjoyable without the link.

Yomamma said...

I wonder if anyone can zoom in on the business card next to the dead-dismembered cake and get the actual information so we can call and ask what fun kind of drugs someone was on when they not only made, but presented that monstrosity.

Annie said...

I think...on the first cake...that white stuff might be something much much worse then a mustache. Ahem.

Jenna said...

Lubna is either a.) a rabies victim in full foam; b.) just gave a very successful BJ or c.) is a vampire.

Jennifer said...

That last one is so disturbing and confusing!

Iron Chef Kosher! said...

Actually, even tho' this is slightly off-topic, I think you'll actually "want (please note the quote marks)" to see that there's a n EVEN WORSE DRESS than that one (it's the first on the page, you can't miss it - try as you might):

http://www.tribemagazine.com/board/tribe-main-forum/149817-gypsy-wedding-holy-slutfest-4.html

("Your" dress is further down the page, BTW)

Anonymous said...

Okay, so I clicked on the link, and oh jeez...that family was crazy. "Whoa there, mama. Whoa...whoa there..." I was thinking this the whole time. I feel so bad for the girl's father (and the groom's mom, I guess...surrounded by half-naked, "lovingly welcomed" new family members and all). Wow. Just wow.

~Madeleine

Anonymous said...

You think Flotsam Cake lady spent many meals "tricking" children into eating fruits and vegetables - and failing?

CS

Monique said...

the last cake, if I was asked to make an order like that first of all i'd think twice and beg them to choose another design. second if they insisted, i would not be leaving my card.Really! oh and the Cinderella one, was it all the left over fruit from the fruit tray or did the host give decorating rights to her crying 4 year old daughter? so much wrong!