Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Conditions Froggy

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

I know a lot of people like frogs. Heck, even I think the bright green fella who hangs out on my front door is adorable. (Until he starts jumping in my direction, of course. Then he turns into a slimy hell beast who leaves me no choice but to climb shrieking onto John's shoulders to escape the "hop zone.")

Still, I don't really get the whole frog cake thing. Other than my front door buddy, the only other close encounter I've had with a frog was in 7th grade biology, and that one smelled anything but appetizing.

You could argue, and rightly so, that cakes in the shapes of animals are nothing new, so why am I picking on frog cakes?

Well, geez, man, just look at this thing:

He's mean, green, shaped like a tureen, and lookin' mighty PO'd about his toe issues.

(In his defense, those are some serious toe issues. Ouch.)


How's this for a scrumptious specimen?

Wow. PETA could use this guy in an anti-frog legs campaign. How could you possibly cut into that poor, terrified visage? Leave him and his splatted fly tongue alone, you heartless cake murderer!

At least this guy looks happy:

I'm guessing he's proud as punch of that funny little limb beard. Or has his chin sprung a leak?


Here's a sultry little number in honor of Valentine's Day:

This amorous amphibian is ready for romance!
And maybe some Visine, since her eyeballs appear to be on fire.


Also for Valentine's, here's a princely gem:

Or should I say princely jewels? (HEYO!!)

Bakers, seriously, I'm all for maximizing your cookie cutter designs, but using that cutter for frogs is, frankly, quite a leap.


Alden M., Casie G., Sharon P., Lauren M., Vanessa H., & Lynelle R., you think it's cold in that display case? Just wondering.

- Related Wreckage: So What Happens If You EAT the Frog?
Taylor@MyOlderBrothers said...

#3 - "Not the Mama!"

Flea said...

Holy moley. That second one looks like something from Monsters, Inc.

Amanda said...

I have to say, those "perky" frog cookies are actually pretty adorable :)

Miranda said...

OMG. someone used the dong cutter for frogs.

A wrinkly dong cutter, at that. Why does a wrinkly dong cutter exist???

vw: mewbetra. My cakes are mewbetra than these.

Gary said...

If you hadn't told me so, I wouldn't have known any of those cakes were supposed to be frogs, except maybe the Amorous Amphibian. And the Anti-Frog-Legs ad doesn't have any discernible legs. Have already been cut off?

Note to Wreckorators: Just painting anything green does NOT make it a frog.

Barb said...

That one with the "chin legs" cracked me up! Why? WHY?! LOL!

And those cookies! Oh no. no. no. no.

Bakingdom said...

Hahahahaha! This post had me rolling! LOVE the "limb beard" one!

Personally, I find the idea of cutting into any cake that is made to look like a living creature completely disgusting. Even something as adorable as that Eeyore on Sunday Sweets. Maybe especially with something as adorable as that. At least with these frogs, I would feel like I was putting them out of their misery.

dextrouslefty said...

I amphibian when I call those tempting!

AliceBlue said...

Okay, I'm at the beginning of day 5 of being snow bound, with no end in sight. Your comments on the last froggy photo are the first thing I've found to laugh about in days. THANK YOU!!!

Michelle said...

Exactly what shape was the last cookie cutter supposed to be??? Even trying to imagine it upside down, I couldn't quite picture anything (besides the obvious) which that shape could represent...

Alex said...

Hahahaha! "Cold"!! Yep!!
Omg. LOL.
they are all scary. Except the cute jewels, which are just a really bad idea that was well executed.

Tiffany said...

I think you should have a Sunday Sweets for frog cakes! Because frogs definitely have more cutsie potential than they're showing here!

Roo said...

THOSE ARE NOT FROGS! Those are just creepy green things.

Stephanie said...

My reactions: "Yikes, yikes, yikes, yikes, oh, that's not so... oh."

Lauren Borquez said...

Oh wow those last frogs are just wrong LOL

Nadia said...

Frog #3 looks like Jake Black, dont you thinK? LOL

Anonymous said...

I am one of the frog lovers that you speak of. I love all frogs, real or otherwise, so I would think that frog cakes would just be one of the best things that could ever happen to me. Um, yeah....not so much.

I think to make up for what you have done to me, you need to get busy for a sunday sweet of the most amazing frog cakes. I know they are out there!
Thanks anyway,
Becky

Viewtiful_Justin said...

Yikes. I don't think those last frogs are going to be leaping into carts anytime soon. Besides, tehy wouldn't have the bal--oh, wait...there they are.

Mercy said...

Oh yuck. I wouldn't eat those cakes if I was paid to. Would totally turn my stomach.

But I have to say the cookie frogs are cute.

Alicia said...

My favorite is the second to last frog! He's so cute...in that LOL sort of way!

Jenn, you bring cake bliss to us all. :)

--Alicia
thewordshifter.blogspot.com

cakelady72 said...

I think the frog cookie is actually a frog cutter. They just decorated it wrongly. Green penises are anything but appetizing.

Nancie said...

Appropriately, number two gives new meaning to the phrase "potty mouth", seeing as to how it is completely constructed of icing "poo". Maybe it caught a bee instead of a fly and discovered it's allergic, or perhaps it is simply hopped up on grass...

Casey said...

Are those last cookies wearing pearl necklaces?? Hardy-har-har.

Decadent Housewife said...

The last ones are at least tidy.
The others are reminiscent of camp toilets.

Alena said...

The unattatched limbs make me think that the first frog might really be a high school science experiment. Aren't they supposed to make sure the frog is dead before they start cutting things off?

The Boob Nazi said...

I think it'd be kind of fun to have a cake that you could dissect like a real frog... Is that just me?

Jenn said...

Oh, my...I was right with you on escaping the hop zone. As in, my feet actually went up on the chair the moment I saw those. Yowza.

Michelle said...

Frog #2 looks like he ate somebody's finger and it's sticking out of his mouth. And the first and last frogs just look evil.

Marc said...

I think the Amorous Amphibian, given it's spiky visage, might be one o' them thar Horny Toads.

Lindalou said...

When would you ever use that cookie cutter design. Bacheleorette (probably misspelled that)Party is the only one I can think off.

Anonymous said...

Yep, Jack Black's chin has grown some froggy legs!-Julie U.

Denise ~ Paper Ponderings said...

Use your imagination...maybe they're HUGE breasted princesses!! The heart is in the right place!

Charity said...

I know that the red coil on the first one is supposed to be the tongue and the black line the mouth. I *know* that. For some reason, though, I look at it and see the mouth as the nose and the red as something really gross coming out of it.

LAURA3232 said...

THE COOKIES HAVE A HEART ON AND ARE HAPPY TO SEE YOU! WHO COULD EAT A GREEN SMECKLE COOKIE WITH PIMPLES ON IT;S BALLS? OPEN WIDE!!

Anonymous said...

The first one looks like it started off trying to be Oscar the Grouch and then veered off into the land of misfit playdough toys.

wv: moadve, as in We're gonma need moadve-tizin with these froggies!

MJS said...

As the great Kermit said, "It's not easy being green."

heather said...

what SHOULD that cookie cutter be used for?!?!

Sarah said...

were the cookie frogs perhaps an upside down mickey mouse cookie cutter?

Fluffy Cow said...

Why, oh why is the second one eating a finger???

lois said...

why does it not seem like Jen's voice anymore? I miss Jen's voice.

Anonymous said...

I also thought the last frogs had giant froggie breasts, which leads me to wonder, do these cookies taste like chicken?

Anonymous said...

#3 looks like jabba the hut!!!!!

Mary Connealy said...

It's sort of an eco-friendly blog. Very GREEN.

smirk.

http://mconnealy.blogspot.com/

I'm doing a book signing near McAllen Texas February 13. Details on my blog.

I write Romantic Comedy with Cowboys.

john (the hubby of Jen) said...

Hey Lois,

I don't know. Jen actually wrote this entry to be included in the book a little over a year ago but the book ran long and it had to be cut. So today, of all days, should sound just like Jen.

Hm.

john

tuddswife said...

When I see those frog cookies and any cookies made with that oh so special cookie cutter shape, all I can ever think of is the scene in Death to Smoochy!

Anonymous said...

#3 - Looks perverted...I mean seriously, it probably just molested some cupcakes and a box of ladyfingers but is ready with his reply "but THEY seduced ME."

keelhaulrose said...

Seriously, that second one looks like my daughter's potty chair. Nice big hole and everything. This could be a really fun birthday party of hers coming up...

burton said...

Hilarious post, as are the comments so far.

Let me add my "Why?" to Miranda's "Why?"

And, no, Boob Nazi, it's not just you. However, the fact that it's also me probably isn't much comfort.

Little Lovables said...

those cockie frogs have stds of some kind, and not of the sprinkle variety

Steph said...

I agree with the first comment...#3 definately looks like the baby from Dinosaurs.

morriganscrow said...

The Valentine frog might have flaming eyeballs, but she also has a killer manicure!

stormcloud said...

@John (the hubby of Jen), well, if she wrote this almost a year ago, then of course it sounds different, because she's probably gotten about 50 times better than she used to be ;) I still really enjoyed the post, though.

These frogs are both ugly and hilarious! "Limb beard" LOL. #3 looks like a toad with those red pimples, and those eyes are nothing short of demonic. It looks like something that would crawl out from under your bed. *shiver*

Of course, I'm a froggy lover, too, so I'm with others about wanting froggy Sunday Sweets :D Because these cakes are just terrible . . .

Oh! By the way, this blog has inspired me to take up cake decorating. We'll see how it goes, if I create wonderful cakes or . . . wrecks D:>

Terry Lee said...

not a frog lover, but even if i were, these wrecks are toadly gross to look at!

and so many of them! we're practically knee-deep in frog cakes.

makes me wanna croak.

which reminds me, the other day i asked the waiter if he had frog legs. he said, "no! i always walk this way!"

ba-dum-ching

Melissa (& Billy) said...

"And maybe some Visine, since her eyeballs appear to be on fire."

Oh man. Thankfully I wasn't drinking anything or my monitor would have gotten a bath.

'Frog' cookies: Oh, dear. 0_0

Lorraine said...

The second one looks like an original Star Trek tv show alien. And Miranda, the dong cutters are wrinkly because dongs are wrinkly in general! Or else it's just been a reeeeallllyyy long time for me.

ka.middleton said...

I can't get enough of this blog! The frogs are just hilarious and the cookies at the end looked more like teddy bears than frogs. I liked your spin better though!

Chelsea said...

I'm going to disagree with Lois. Very Jen, very hilarious.

lisadh said...

Oh, these are hilarious!! That horny toad did me in. Super commentary, Jen!

SiriusSchwartz said...

The one with the legs sprouting out of his chins looks like a result of a nuclear disaster. Kind of like Blinky the fish from the Simpsons.

The Shitty Astrologer said...

Some real flies gently resting on the icing would be all these cakes need to achieve perfection!

Anonymous said...

Ha! When those wrinkly, sweet little ol' bosomy frogs want to feed you cookies, hop to it or you'll miss out. Then for your birthday, they'll croak-chet you a new sweater...

I think I'm just missing my grandmother today. And she wasn't even iced in green or anything. :D

Anonymous said...

i like the pearls decorating the "frog" cookies.

deemack said...

I just have to wonder which part of those cookie frogs you would eat first, and would people judge you depending on where you started snacking?

Anonymous said...

That second cake looks kind of like a green Birdo from Super Mario 2:

http://strategywiki.org/wiki/File:SMB2_boss_Birdo.gif

Ann said...

Yay, Froggie-peens! Thanks... I really, really needed a laugh today, and you've supplied it!

Christina said...

OMG! The last picture is HORRIBLE! talk about phallic shapes there!

Anonymous said...

Looks like something bert made in an episode of trapdoor.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mluYB9YfzSI

Bitchin' Fixin's said...

The second frog looks like a toilet I once refused to use in Prague.

Culinarychiq said...

Someday my prince will... um er, nevermind;) Yeah that last one's a bit of a stretch LOL

These wreckers seem to have one SERIOUS hatred for frogs!

Anonymous said...

THAT 3RD ONE REMINDS ME OF "BABY" ON THAT OLD SHOW CALLED "DINOSAURS"

TaiPod said...

My two year old just pointed at the cakes and yelled, "Monster!"

elspeth said...

I wish i had a photo for you; my mother made a frog cake for my ninth birthday which -through cunning use of cocktail sticks- could actually open and close it's mouth. It was amazing!

Tyler said...

Your second "frog" looks strangely like a potty training stand-alone toilet. Even the shape of its tongue...wait.. frogs eat corn? ...eww.

CinammonSwirl said...

They could at least saved the last set by making the bottom a lily pad. Definitely much less noticeable than large frog danglers!

Anonymous said...

OK, this is probably close to what the frog cookies were supposed to be:

http://www.coppergifts.com/productcart/pc/cg_ProductDetails.asp?idproduct=104

Unfortunately, the decorator has no idea what a frog looks like.

Wolvie Girl said...

I'm not scared of frogs but I really hate cane toads, poisonous little brutes that they are, and will scream and try to get out of their hop zone. The Valentine frog cake scares the jimminy jillikers out of me though. I rather like the third one though. And seriously, are the last ones with their giant bums made from wrinkly dongs? It's still terribly unclear what those cookie cutters are actually meant to be.

Trillian said...

The first cake reminds me of one of the covers to The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy novel!

Marji said...

I am SERIOUSLY confused. On so many levels.

Bree said...

The first one looks what would happen if Oscar the Grouch mutilated himself trying to get out of his trash can.

Nick said...

The first cake needs the following caption: "I shall destroy you utterly, koax, koax."

No one will understand this comment. That makes unreasonably happy.

Ashley said...

Is it just me or did the second one seem to look an awful lot like "Poo-dolph" from one of the Christmas wreck posts? The same baker at it again, perhaps?

Michelle said...

I believe at least two of those (#1 and #3) are Oscar the Grouch cakes.

MarieFrance said...

THese are scary, but i do love Kermit..maybe a sunday sweet of Kermits? please...

Kate said...

The second one looks like a cross between an ashtray and a toilet. With eyes. I have never understood why anyone thinks frogs are cute, and these certainly reinforce that!

Fanboy Wife said...

I really don't want to eat a cake of an animal that eats flies.

This also kind of reminds me of those mutant frogs from MN in the 1990s...

Buffy said...

That second one looked like Mike Wazowski, only with two eyes.

Diane1611 said...

Congrats Jen & John on Cake Wrecks being mentioned on MSNBC.com today! That should bring a lot more folks here to visit! Here's the link:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/35240535/ns/technology_and_science-tech_and_gadgets/?pg=5#Tech_FAILblogs

Christina said...

I just found your blog and am laughing so much at the mistakes and ugly cakes.

Lauren said...

Here in South Australia frog cakes are a state icon - made by the bakery chain Balfours.
They look like this:
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_4j98GpsptYM/SXZvZwzGjxI/AAAAAAAAAuA/NmJvJY54bhY/s400/Frog+Cakes.jpg
They're sickly sweet because they're sponge cake with fondant on the outside and topped with cream, but they'll never die out because they're so South Australian!

River said...

I'm disappointed that no-one sent an image of Balfours Frog Cakes from South Australia. They look nothing like frogs, but they've been around so long over here they're practically a legend.

Anonymous said...

i thought the 1st one was from Monsters, Inc.

I happen to love frogs :) Even had a pixy frog as a pet until it died in a house fire. Just think...so cute and green and hoppy! what's not to love? Any chance of Sunday Sweets focusing on animals?
wv: Prerl. Sort of like pearl but less intuitive.

Lindsay said...

my friends once bought me a brilliant frog cake for my birthday, it wasn't scary or disturbing like these at all. sadly my house had an ant infestation at the time and they got to it before we did! :(

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

#1 looks like the monsters from Ghostbusters.

#2 - like a toilet

#3 - the NOT THE MAMA dinosaur guy

#4 - like a lizard

#5 - like a bunch of frog penis's with attached testicles (how DO you spell the word for more than one penis??)

Hallie
http://wonderfulworldofweiners.blogspot.com/

audraj06 said...

LOL, those sad looking frogs didn't know what was comin' when the baker decided to be creative. And the cookie frogs! HAHAHA! Couldn't help but want to laugh REALLY hard. Although they were kinda cute, still very wrong.

sleeplessnights04 said...

Note to baker/decorator on last item - could you not tell what that shape was? How could you not know...unless you've never seen one I suppose :o(

JJ said...

The tongue on the second one looks like a condom

Elise said...

I'VE GOT IT!!
Not frogs or peens,
but LOBSTER cookie cutters! Imagine them red, with the face in the middle of the the "balls". I am from Maine.

Anonymous said...

Guesses from my 5yr old: 1st a monster, 2nd a frog, 3rd a balloon, 4th a frog cake, 5th he didn't know at first then thought a moment and said girl frogs.

I'm kind of surprised he listed any of them as frogs.

pennfana said...

I honestly thought that the first one was supposed to be a cabbage with feet.

QueenKatofTypos said...

At first glance I thought the top one was going to be an Oscar the Grouch cake!

Catwithabook said...

The nineth, yesterday was my birthday, and I just wanted to say thanks. I'm a freshman in college and I am no a devote wreckie. As is my roomie. We have bonded over horrifically misformed and misinformed confections. And yesterday when she turned up with a copy of your book and a cake with a carrot jockie on it I knew I would have to say thanks. So Thankyou Jen, for making my life all that much brighter, and my college experience just that much easier. You're the best!
Emily

Eva said...

You know what would be even more hilarious, if the person looked at the cookie cutter and thought " what cute frog cookie cutters!"

Jason said...

I am really thinking those cookies are probably a cartoon mouse cookie cutter used upside down. If you look at it, it almost looks like Jerry from Tom and Jerry.

wv: dingauri - a dingauri ate my frog cookies!

Jenny said...

As I was looking at this post my 16 yr old son walked by. He asked me to scroll back to the second frog & then he burst out laughing. He said it look just like a big green blob he used to have nightmares about when he was small. He had fears of it for years - really creepy! ;)

Lynelle R said...

Yeees! The frog cookies!! I took that picture in Palos Park Valentine's day 2009 at the Plush Horse. It's an ice cream parlor. Obviously cookies are not their strong point.
Thanks for posting it!

Anna said...

The third frog looks like Jabba the Hut's baby...

siltedrepose said...

The first one reminded me of Gollum for some reason.

ksaldria said...

I've heard that frogs are considered good luck in some cultures, but that is obviously not the case here.

And I have to admit I kind of want to try one of those happy froggy cookies >.>

stpaulsc said...

OH Jeez! Thank you so much. I did, actually, laugh out loud! My eyes are watering. I needed that.

Jo said...

my six year old said about the lollipops--"they're supposed to be mommies and their hearts are sticking out and you can see their boobies!"

Jo said...

ok, and my other six year old said the first one looks like a germ.

Anonymous said...

my. those little frog cookies are cute, but why do they have such fat legs? *innocent look*

Anonymous said...

i dunno. that second to last frog looks more like a dragon to me. especially since he has claws. how many cake rounds did they use to make him?

Anonymous said...

Just goes to show how trusting and gullible one must be to believe that any of those frogs might turn into your Prince Charming!

Anonymous said...

Boob nazi and Burton, I'm with you. Why would you want to cut into a fermaldehyde stinking slimy frog only to find frog guts, when you can cut into a creepy green cake and find--buttercream! cake! strawberries!

Aggie the jaded said...

LOVE the colon cake! hahahahaha

jeanieofoz said...

In South Australia, Australia we consider the Balfour's frog cake
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Balfours-Frog-Cakes/32910190309
to be a state icon. Althoug if you observe from this fb page, the image can sometimes be misconstrued. Anyway this cake has been popular in our state for the past 80 odd years...and yet, it really looks nothing like a frog of any description. Tastes good though.
http://www.balfours.com.au/smallcakes.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frog_cake

Hilary & Graysen said...

I have had a horrible day, I just have to say thank you for the Frog post! I was laughing so hard I am crying and I really needed a good laugh! Thank you to all of the amazing wreckers out there who just made my day a whole ton better!

Anonymous said...

I think that last once was from a lobster cookie cutter. Which everyone needs, by the way. Lobsters RULE!

Wayne said...

#2 isn't a frog. It's the salt creature from The Man Trap.

githa said...

huwaw...
i like all your frog.
i wanna have one of them. :D

M. Muenich said...

This is still one of my favorite posts. That limb beard gag makes me laugh so hard!

Anonymous said...

The only kind of frog I like, is when thier legs are cooked like a chicken leg. I have to blame my grandpa for this. He made me try frog legs. I have to say, I don't regret it. They're actually pretty good if you prepare them right.