Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Cakes Only A Mother Could Love

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

I think the following cakes are really special. Like seeing a beautiful newborn for the first time, these baby shower cakes leave me… well, speechless.


What a coincidence! E.T. was on my TV today, too!

Ethan... phone home...
(and tell your parents Jersey Shore called. They want their tan back.)

"Hi, bakery? I have a baby shower coming up. Do you make cupcakes?"

"Baby shower CUP cakes? Yeah. We can 'handle' that."

If you squint your eyes, it’s actually not a baby at all, but a bronzed, muscular man in a wife-beater popping out of the cup. See it? See it? Let’s call him Joe. He must be posing for his mug-shot. Just look at those eyes! He really knows how to espresso himself, doesn't he?


Thanks to Dawn M. for finding these little bundles of joy. It's been a latte fun!

- Related wreckage: The Creepiness Continues
Gary said...

This looks like something they might serve at one of those "abstinance education" classes, to scare you out of having sex (forever).

Amber said...

such an odd contrast between the pretty nice tv & cup to the creepy babies!

Stephanie said...

Uh... yikes?

Rhonda said...

I would guess that Ethan was anencephalic but making a cake of that would be in extremely bad taste.

Melonie said...

See, on that first one I see an orange frog sitting on a microwave.
"Please...please don't fry me!"
Mmmmmmm..... orange frog legs.

Katie said...

Those are definitely the most creepy baby shower cakes yet.

wv - coadic: These cakes are a different sort of coadic moment.

Lauren Borquez said...

Oh wow..these are just on another level of creepy..

Tamara Marnell said...

I'm so confused. The television and the cup are well-made; were the ugly babies on purpose? Or do the respective bakers have prosopagnosia? I'm leaning towards the second.

Lynnette said...

No squinting necessary to see the beefy guy in the wife beater. Had to squint to see it as a baby in a diaper!

hattalahutta said...

Aargh! Again: like the horrible baby creature in Kingdom Hospital (the Danish version)... Man, babies are gross :/

(Wv: abies - a coincidence?)

Le said...

I can totally see the muscular man!

Kagehikaru said...

I think the thing that disturbs me most about the last one is that the liquid in the cup is kind of a mottled green-brown. I think I'd prefer not to know what "Joe" is getting up to in that cup...

Annette said...

Really, really ugly and disgusting.

rascalmom said...

What in the name of all that's holy were those bakers thinking?!?! I swear that first one looks just like my baby did...when they pulled him out (C section) halfway and half of him was still in. And although like all new parents we insanely took a picture of that because we were so happy he was here...I would take a fork to the eye before wanting THAT on a cake. And that's a picture we only show to people who reaaaaaaaallly are medically inclined or love us to death. :) In fact, as I started scrolling, I honestly thought that what was below the baby was going to BE some woman's stomach in mid C section...that's exactly how much it looked like it. I was almost relieved it was a TV.

But then that brings up a whole new host of questions: Why is a burnt, bloody baby bursting from the TV? WHY? Was the mom really the first woman impregnated by an alien and this was how she gave birth...in Roswell?

I would have more thoughts but I have to go lie down now.

cosas de cocina said...

Ethan looks like some Aztec or Mayan god... And how the italian guy managed to get stuck in that cup beats me.

zann said...

Kagehikaru read my mind, the liquid in the cup combined with the creepy orange glow of the "babies" is the most creepy to me.

alynxia said...

Yeeeeeeek!

And why is the coffee **green**??

Paisley said...

*wimpers*

Nikki said...

i once had a dream in which a little gremlin was chasing me... that first "baby" bares an uncanny resemblence!

wv: messete. I nearly messeted my pants when the creepy gremlin baby jumped out of the alley and attacked!

Kimberly Chapman said...

Aw, that's so sweet that you posted John Boehner's baby photos.

Hm, what's that? That's cake?

Um...

*screams in terror and flees the room*

Bilby P. Dalgyte said...

.............. :|

Annie said...

And here I thought that second one was a pig in a cup...

Bakingdom said...

Those are horrific.

Ethan's eyes...

*shifting side to side*

He's following me...

Sandi said...

*barfing*

Michelle S. said...

I've always believed one should choose one's own career. Whatever makes one happy, you know? And honestly, of all the wrecks I've seen here, not one has made me say to myself: "Some people just should not try to be cake decorators."

Until now.

Please put down the fondant roller and airbrush, hon. Back away. No, further. Keep going.

Valerie said...

Hold me...I'm so frightened!

madrobins said...

Joe is not a man in a wifebeater. Joe is the Queen of Heart's piglet in a bonnet. My God, a baby like that would put one off the continuation of the species.

maria said...

i think i saw these guys in jars at the Mutter Museum a few months ago...

Hobbit said...

Uh......
What exactly IS that the creepy baby is swimming in?
~ shudder ~

Kathryn H said...

I read this post three times before it sunk in that these are really baby shower cakes. Why is Ethan wearing an Amish bonnet? I don't think the Amish use tv's.

Lisa said...

I think "Joe" looks like a genie in a turban rising out of a very unique "magic lamp". Quick make a wish ...

The Boob Nazi said...

Why are they orange?!?

Anonymous said...

I'm worried about the blue surrounding Joe's head. Looks too much like the halos over the heads of the Holy Family in Renaissance paintings. Clearly a wife-beater like Joe would not have a halo so what could it be?

There must not be much to watch on that TV, because the TV Guide is awfully small.

JelliDonut said...

Why?!?! Cutting a cake with a human figure on it is gross enough, but I'm not sure these babies are human. Alien babies perhaps?

Albatross said...

Holy moley! Those "babies" look like something from a horror movie!

Elena said...

Those babies look like the mutant psychic creature in Total Recall (the one hiding under the dude's jacket) ... gone to "Oompa-loompa."
Ugh!

(And if you've gone to Oompa-loompa, it's time to put down the self-tanner or walk away from the tanning bed!!)

jo said...

Wow, really punny today! Love the "cup cake" routine.

The wife beater is scary with that blue fro/bathing cap.

The roasted alien baby is really scary. What's with the Amish cap? I thought it was a boy!

wv: gauta. Those cakes are freaking me out. I gauta get outta here.

Anonymous said...

Am I the only one who sees the Buddha in the first cake? Yes? Okay...

Anonymous said...

Why is the TV Guide a little black book? What kind of channels are they watching? and how is this related to a new alien baby?

Inquiring minds want to know....

LaurenH said...

I did take the time to read all that was on the first one and thought it was too bad because: Cute idea...creepy alien lobster baby

The second looks like he is being thrown into "The Dip" in Who Framed Roger Rabbit

Anonymous said...

*sobbing* Mommy!

Anonymous said...

I think it's the half-human/half-alien baby from "V" (the '80's version).

Melis said...

Can't deal with the puns. OMG too funny.

"Jersey Shore called... they want their tan back"?! BWAHAHAHAHA

Anonymous said...

.......were the mothers inseminated by aliens?

Suzanne Dargie said...

Yikes! I can tell they used the Wilton 3D Teddy Bear pan for these........but what a mess!


The verification word is "throp" as in a Misanthrop(e) made these cakes!

Whitney said...

Those are insanely awful looking! If I saw them in person, I'd have to restrain myself from covering them so they wouldn't look at me anymore! Uck.

Just Me,Pilgrim said...

People didn't actually PAY for those, did they?

Susan said...

Oh. My. Lord.

Stacie said...

...why is Joe swimming in a cup of the Hudson River???

Nancy said...

The only explanation is that these bakers have recently watched Eraserhead by David Lynch.

SimplySweeter said...

Hysterical!!!!!

http://www.simplysweeter.blogspot.com

Patty O'Chair said...

Wow. I'm not a professional and I tried to make a booby cake for my son's 18th birthday. I messed up the food colouring for the skintone and it was far too orange-y. We decided that the boobies belonged to someone with a spray-on tan.

But they didn't look diseased and bronzed. Those were extra-creepy.

(word verification: "react") haha!

Anonymous said...

@Gary--

That "abstinance education" idea is also working on me, but mostly for giving up cake. But I guess Lent is starting, so now I know what I can give up. I'll just refer back to this post for support.


It's Ash Wednesday, so maybe that's why these babies look so grimy?

Tatersmama said...

Puts me off wanting to have babies. Heck, it puts me off wanting to MAKE babies!
The so-called cakes are bad enough, but then people were expected to EAT those monstrosities? {{{shudder}}}
How could they execute the tv and the cup so nicely (well, ya know what I mean), and then screw up so badly on the babies? And I use the term "babies" loosely.
Veeeery loosely!

Susan said...

What is truly scary is how anyone could consider those cakes good-looking enough to buy or sell! Eek!

Can't See Sheep said...

I guess Oompa-loompa's & Tetley Tea Folk (see youtube if you really want to) have baby showers too.

So creepy. Go to one of these showers & get an eye, nose or baby fingers, ewww! I wonder if the cake inside is red velvet?

WV misurea: I get misurea just looking at these freaky baby cakes.

Samantha said...

Oh gosh.. I've read ever single day you've posted and I've laughed a few times. But you were on a freaking roll the last two days!!!

CRipes said...

Having dabbled in cake decorating i can tell you its not easy!

That said I have no hesitation in calling these the UGLIEST CAKES i have ever seen.

CRipes said...

Suzanne Dargie said...
Yikes! I can tell they used the Wilton 3D Teddy Bear pan for these........but what a mess!
_____________
I was just going to post this....

CRipes said...

I like how both decorators remembered to put bonnets on for the babies


The first decorator could have nixed the baby and kept the tv, it was so well done

Sméagolina said...

Are you SURE those cakes are supposed to be babies?????? They don't look anything like babies.... maybe baby Oompa-loompas (sp??) --the orange things from the Willy Wonka movie (the old one from a long time ago before cakes were made in such frightening shapes and colors)

Me! said...

Oh dear. That first cake is just really ... unfortunate.

NYCGirl said...

I gagged upon seeing "Joe." I am not exaggerating.

The Black Dog said...

They really look like newborn babies!

Melissa (& Billy) said...

o_o

I mean, there are just no words. Really. I'd cut into them just to make it completely impossible to figure out what it was! "Cake! Let's have cake! NOW!"

The Shitty Astrologer said...

Were those cakes baked or spawned?

Anonymous said...

.......O.o

I demand compensation from those wreckators for emotional distress and mental trauma *rocks back and forth*

Fanboy Wife said...

Those are just terrible! Shouldn't a person who wants to make baby-cakes understand what a human looks like in the first place?

Delaney Linnea said...

You really had fun with this one didn't you?

morriganscrow said...

Quite frankly, these "cakes" need to be cut - into teeny-tiny, unrecognizable pieces!

Oh, what the heck! Just chuck them into a woodchipper and be done with it!!

Amanda said...

I can't stop laughing!!!!!

Heather said...

Those cakes are creepy as all get out. I'm actually traumatized.

Can you please do me a favor? Can you remind all those bakers out there that upside-down heart cakes don't look like anything other than asses? And they make me wonder how old the cakes are in the first place...

Ady said...

O.o

*runs away screaming*

OMG, those are horrible! Gremlin, anyone? And why are they so.. tan??

Katie said...

Those are baby shower cakes???!!?..yikes!

Katie said...

These babies look a lot more like frogs than the frog-wrecks featured a little while back.

sendingtheclowns said...

Hmmmmmm...
Both of those monstrosities almost appear to be sitting on a floor; see what looks like a baseboard in the background in the first picture?
ALTHOUGH...it looks like a fire extinguisher case in the wall in the first photo--right behind the whateveritis (which is sitting there looking all whatevery and being referred to as an "Ethan"). And one wouldn't normally find a fire extinguisher placed that low to the floor. I for one wouldn't think to look down there. Especially in an emergency when I'd be all panicky and looking for a door or window. Or something to throw up into.
So, anyway, the Ethan makes "7" (!!)
But... 7 WHATS??
Look, anytime someone wants to chime in with a theory, I'm all ears.
I'd like to put this whole sordid affair behind me.

Jellycar said...

O GOD. Why would anyone want a harlequin baby cake? D:

Lucia said...

they don't even look like babies!

jodi said...

happy baby shower heres a skinless alien baby and a dude in a beater...
i hope these were not paid for

BaBaBaran said...

Jen, you are a prize. I save my lurking for the nights I can't get to sleep. You're turning me into an insomniac! Stop being so darn funny, because tonight I'm afraid my laughing-out-loud will wake up the whole household.

Brown Suga' said...

Actually, I think those are not babies, but wreck-y attempts to recreate the "Glo Worm and Friends" series. (Or rather, their opposite, namely Tan Worm and Friends...)

Seriously, look at Ethan; he looks just like the Glo Spider I had as a kid. Here's proof.

Sexy Sadie said...

These are supposed to be babies? What are they, mole-man babies?

Lalis said...

Talk about disaster cakes... eesh!

Marie said...

Well that has turned me off of ever having a baby shower.. and quite possibly ever having sex again.. lol

Erica said...

My God... they look like Harlequin babies... o.o

Heidi D said...

I'm guessing Mandrake Root. Get your protective earmuffs.

BADKarma! said...

Both of them kinda remind me of the scary Satan-baby in "Eraserhead". Note: This is really not a good thing...

Noodles said...

OH. MY. G-D.

wahhhhhhh!

Frankie D. said...

I thought that first one had "Satan" written on the front....

Anonymous said...

Aliens are coming ...

ATTENTION

ALIIENS ARE COMING TO ABDUCT ALL THE GOOD LOOKING AND SEXY PEOPLE.

YOU WILL BE SAFE, I'M JUST E-MAILING TO SAY GOODBYE.

Aunt+Uncle B said...

Your blog makes me laugh on a daily basis. I think it's wonderfully entertaining. But these cakes are so crazy, I can't believe people pay for them.
Thank you for the laughs!

babybinko said...

that is horrifying.

Rachel Leastlikely said...

yeah. i was going to point out the eraserhead baby resemblance as well. now i just want to recommend nobody google the term 'eraserhead baby'. turns out the film itself is significantly less disturbing than the message boards.

JM said...

Wow, creepy doesn't even cover it. The first one is very E.T.

maxon said...

Mum: he's staring weirdly at me, Muuuuuummm!

Anonymous said...

@sendingtheclowns. I was also thinking the same thing. I realized that they were trying to make a pun with "John and Kate Plus Eight." That's why the baby is on a TV. But it is all the wreckier because in no way whatsoever do I believe "Ethan" and "seven" rhyme. Not even slant rhyme.

Cathy

mallthus said...

You know, until I looked closer, the first one called to mind a microwave oven and its horrible results on a baby. So dark, but really!?!?!?

Jennifah said...

The coffee is GREEN?!

Mama Martinez said...

As interpreted/ analyzed by my 3-year old daughter:

Cake #1 ; "That baby is a crab."

Cake #2: "Hmmm, poo poo."

Anonymous said...

I am PIMPL so hard right now! SERIOUSLY....stop it! Ok, breathe....

Cupcakes Lady said...

E.T....My god. I used to like him...now look at what he is! ;) xx

JG said...

they should have considered starting over.