Friday, June 26, 2009

Transformers Going Down in Flames

Friday, June 26, 2009

I recently got an e-mail from Chunks the Pioneer, who told me she is a HUGE Transformers fan, and naturally went to the first 11:59 PM showing of Transformers 2. She also said,

"After seeing it [the movie] I got to thinking, why haven’t we seen any Transformer wrecks in honor of this occasion??? Please don't make me beg!"

Well, Chunks - may I call you Chunks? - first and foremost, I find it interesting that seeing Transformers 2 made you want to see (other?) things that are poorly made.

Hah! I kid, I kid. (Or do I?)

That said, I'm happy to share my extended collection of Transformers Wrecks with you. 'Course, you'd think there would be several Transformers cake kits out by now, but no, there's still just the one:

As you can see they spared no expense with it, though. Why, that piece of cardboard is actually printed in color.

The best thing about this design, however, is that no Wreckerator on earth can replicate it. It's true. "Pointy" is simply beyond this groups' skill set:


Optimus Prime battles the red fingers of doom.


Optimus Prime battles the great ketchup spill of '09.

Oh, wait, I take it back: this Wreckerator did manage "pointy":

But with fronds like those, who needs anemones? Eh? Eh?


And lastly, my favorite:

Mmm. Speckly.

Interestingly enough, this Wreckerator's '72 Pinto has those exact same flames airbrushed on the front bumper. Which is pretty darn ironic, if you think about it.


Hey Meagan D., Misty M., Alicia A., & Barbara N., what do you call an Autobot in denial?
Answer: A boat!

(Get it? Denial? De- Nile? The river? Yeah, us ex-JC skippers rule, thankyouverramuch.)


- Related Wreckage: Optimus Wrecks

UPDATE: My apologies to Chunks the Pioneer, who I mistakenly assumed was a guy, since she is, in fact, a girl. And thanks for having such a great sense of humor about it, Chunks. ;)
Baking and Mistaking said...

I see following directions doesn't always produce results!

deckardcanine said...

Why is Optimus driving toward the fire, anyway?

M'Lynn said...

You were a JC skipper! Awesome!

KritterBugg said...

"But with fronds like those, who needs anemones? Eh? Eh?"

OMG!!! Hilarious! Sorry, that one really gave me the giggles! But those cakes- so horrible, seriously, can't they learn how to make points? What's so hard about POINTS?!?

DK
http://uberfoodnoob.blogspot.com/

Anonymous said...

While not total wrecks, it is disturbing to see how many people can't get car flames right.

Anonymous said...

Hahahahahaha with fronds like these, who needs anemones!

That's A material.

Em said...

"who needs anemones?" ROFL!

Em said...

"who needs anemones?" ROFL!

WV: guily: Oh, stop looking so guily, Marlin. You didn't lose Dory. And you'll find Nemo. Honest.

Sarah said...

The awesomeness of this site went through the roof with the revelation that you were a JC Skipper!

tonyia said...

anemones... Ha!

Ms Avery said...

The second-last one looks like it's been topped with chillies...

Anonymous said...

Those are, uh, nice. Yeah, lets go with nice.

Wasn't there a Hot Wheels design quite similar to this? Or was that post Transformers too? I am too lazy to go look. ha

Becky

Anonymous said...

Awesome fronds and anemones pun. I love it!

G. Johnson said...

okay not to get really graphic but my son had the very top Transformers cake for his bday last year and it turned his poop blue for a week ! lol

(and the Optimus Prime toy broke right away)...

g/

Jagyularr said...

Somebody please tell me that there are some Michael Jackson wrecks floating around out there that we'll be seeing in the next few days.


...Please?

Anonymous said...

Fronds? No way. The Teletubbies just learned how to make it straight instead of coiled.

Half Assed Kitchen said...

I'm ignorant of the Transformer's world. Which is fine by me.

Angie (from over at www.HalfAssedKitchen.com)

MalMal said...

Honestly, if it wasn't for the ever-so helpful sign, I would have assumed those were Hot Wheels cakes......

Andre said...

Love the Finding Nemo reference!

And as I was one of the suckers who went and saw the midnight opening show, I can tell you that these wrecks are far more entertaining than the movie itself.

The Brain said...

Can we call this collection "More than SHOULD meet the eye"?

Sara Jo said...

io9 has a bunch of nerdy cake toppers, including quite a few Transformers ones here: http://io9.com/5302300/nerdiest-wedding-cake-toppers-we-adore . I'm pretty sure the one of Optimus Prime and Smurfette qualifies as a wreck.

Lauren said...

Hahahahahaha "anenomes" hahaha... oh gosh I know its a bad joke, but it made me CRACK UP! :-) Thanks.

LaurenH said...

Ha ha! I love the first one, it makes me think of the robes on "Manos, Hands of Fate"!!
(MST3K FTW!)

Sue KuKu said...

I thought that the pointy one looked more like the Cracken! Let's mix Transformers and Pirates of the Caribbean!

MissCritta said...

I've often said that being a JC Skipper is my dream job. You just gained a zillion cool points.

Brittanica said...

I work in a supermarket bakery, and I can assure you, there's a new kit for the sequel.
Of course, Bakery Crafts doesn't have it listed on their site. Boo.
All it is is 2 tiny sculpted plastic figures and a plastic lay-on. The design... is gray gears on a slightly less gray background. It has great wreck-potential.

Anonymous said...

Love the fronds/anemones crack! (Does it come on a t-shirt?) I nearly swallowed my gum trying not to laugh out loud in my cubicle at that one. You have my undivided daily vote at Blogluxe.

Marcy

Anonymous said...

These are beyond awful! You'd think the cake designer would come up with some kind of template so that the design could be easily replicated.

Dani said...

If you took the truck off that second one & added some tropical fish it would look like coral.

Morgan the Muse said...

oh, dear. That is just... sad... all of them.

Rachel said...

really? no MJ tribute today? come on, jump on the bandwagon.

Kbaker said...

Agree with Brittanica- although we got silver airbrush paint. Silver. Wonder what that does to your poop.

*~*Lis*~* said...

Love the Finding Nemo quote!

Lynn said...

Oh, my well...I guess in these examples, lazy decorators rule.

The one with the really pointy flames is well done except for all the junk on top, which I can't stand on any cake...unless it's fabricated by the decorator and it's all edible !

Heidi said...

Hey, I think we should be THANKING Publix for all of these special Wrecks. There's hardly a birthday party we attend these days that isn't made just a little bit happier with a Publix disaster. And even their website keeps in theme - only true Wreckerators can cross over to web design and misspell the word "Lightning" as "Lightening," and "Scooby Doo" as "Scooby Do," as you prepare to pony up your $50 online. What would we do without Publix?

Erin said...

You were a JC skipper! That's so awesome! It's also unsurprising with your ability to pun.

Miranda said...

Even something that simple gets borked. Amazing. How come these no-talent hacks have jobs while talented people languish unemployed?

VW: woringu

I'm woringu, do NOT order cakes from Wal-Mart.

Mrs. B said...

Not a transformers fan, but the Finding Nemo refference made this whole post worth reading.

mzmclean said...

YOU WERE A SKIP??? No wonder you rule....


It's a dream of mine... to introduce people to the legendary.... front side of rock :)

JillianCupcake said...

I love going to grocery stores looking for wrecky cake! Even with plastic decorations things still seem to go horribly wrong...

I love your site!!!

Karen said...

You were a JC Skipper? So was one of my best friends. She's working elsewhere for the mouse these days.

Jennifer said...

Coming out from lurking to also chime in that "But with fronds like those, who needs anemones? Eh? Eh?" is pure awesomeness.

I Love Baby Quilts! said...

Ok, the fronds and anenomes joke was officially the funniest thing you've ever said. Clever doesn't cover it.

Speaking of which, that one is the only cake I wouldn't immediately send back to the bakery!

Anonymous said...

What is a JC skipper?

Lindalou said...

Nice pun!

Amy said...

My son had this cake 2 years ago for his birthday and the store who made it (starts with a Wal and ends with a Mart) did a great job in my opinion...Considering....It was definitely better than the ones you just showed..LOL

WookieeGunner said...

So I've got to ask, on the sample cake are the flames Fondant/ They look to me like Fondant cut from a template.

Oh, and given the sell by date, I assume this is pro:

http://www.btinternet.com/~mighty.maximal/Transformers-Cake.jpg

Anonymous said...

The Wreckorators certainly got "the touch"...of disaster. o.o
(Bahahha, G1 TF reference. SCORE.)

Anonymous said...

The speckly description for the last one is perfect! I totally started laughing out loud because I couldn't have described it better myself!

mollymouse said...

Dude, you were a JC skipper? That is truly awesome! Speaking of which, I've been reading the blog for a little while, and I haven't seen a post dedicated to Disney themed wrecks! Maybe I have to dig a bit deeper into the archives. But if not... there should be one :P

BeaZilla said...

The last one shows kids why they shouldn't ride in cars that can transform into giant robots. That's not airbrushing, that's blood.

QueenErica368 said...

Oh No! I just order this cake for tomorrow. Ha. We'll see how it turns out.

erica said...

just ordered this cake for tomorrow oddly enough.
we'll see how it goes! haha

Anonymous said...

@ deckardcanine

If you were sitting on top of one of those cakes, you'd be driving towards the flames, too.

Anonymous said...

I ordered this cake yesterday for my sons 6th birthday oddly enough. picking it up tomorrow. we'll see how it turns out!

msyendor said...

Lovely writing on #2 & #3. But the fairy godmother wands? (In syrupy sweet tones) "Oh, Optimus, someday you'll be a real [insert favorite mech-contruct here]!"

Miss Daphne said...

LMAO I had to read the comments to realize that the red stuff was flames! I had no idea what it was supposed to be. Thank you everyone for cluing me in!

Vix said...

LMAO...I had to explain the De-Nile joke to the other half...SNORT

Too funny.

The cakes are just sad. Any chance there is a decent Bumblebee cake out there?

Anonymous said...

How come the cake with anemones makes me think Transformers: Primes Gay Pride cake......

Anonymous said...

Did that last truck hit a deer? Ummm Ummm...road kill, it's what's for dinner!

peaches1111_00 said...

No WONDER you're such a Disney fan. Jungle Cruise is awesome. Next trip I plan on going on it at night when the skippers start to ad-lib more. :)

And I love the Nemo reference. Anam-amanam-Amanaomimes!

Verification Word: Bayed...isn't that what a donkey does?

DangGina said...

rendered speechless..

Anonymous said...

OMG..I'm dying. I am a cake decorator in a Safeway bakery and have messed this exact cake up countless times. It is SO HARD to make those flames on top of the blue icing, and to get them to actually look like flames is nearly impossible. The first time I made it, the customer actually went to my manager and complained and we had to give her another cake for free. You should see the CupcakeCake version of it- its 10x worse.

Bilby P. Dalgyte said...

Hahahaha! Did anyone notice that one of the cakes had a sticker saying "Yellow cake" on it? Someone is unimaginative AND colour blind! :P

BunnyBlue said...

I scored tickets to a Monday showing. I'm a dork I know. But these are pretty darn bad , I don't even want to imagine the "cupcake version". And I actually saw a really nice Bumblebee cake here http://www.flickr.com/photos/sweetmaker/2661110911/

Megan said...

I love that this design is exactly the same as the HotWheels design, they just stuck a different toy on it: something a little more hip.

Beth said...

These look strangely like the hotwheels cakes!

Melanie said...

Sorry, Anonymous, they were definitely wrecks, excluding the first maybe. At least the flames on that one were correct.

BTW, Transformers 2 was awesome! Better than the first which was also awesome.

I think we need to find some "Sunday Sweets" Transformer cakes; there has got to be some out there!

Ozu said...

Oh, wow. That second one has totally ruined my appetite.

It looks more like some disgusting lava/blood spurt chasing the poor truck so that it can devour it and melt it down into a pool of metal goo. It's already started with the candle.

The speckly one made me laugh, though. Seriously? I don't even see anything vaguely resembling fire there.

Annette said...

the second last one....well...according to my preschooler, he's driving into carrots!

Anonymous said...

This is my favorite pun you've done so far...and that's saying something : But with fronds like those, who needs anemones?

I'm still laughing!

Nicholas said...

It's a great pun, truly great, but please give credit where credit is due. In this case, it is due to Roy Blount, Jr., from his marvelous book "Alphabet Juice" (p. 195).

JennJenn said...

When were you a JC skipper? Do you know Michael Fargnoli?

sarahwalk said...

I just about died at the Finding Nemo reference!

John and Alisha Stults said...

So I have to admit I got a little excited to see that you were going to have Transformers cakes on your site. I had sent a picture of my son's Transformers cake right after his birthday in April. At first I was disappointed that my cake wasn't included. But after looking at the cakes you featured, I realized that the cake my son got was not nearly as bad as those. So I guess I have to hand it to our local grocery store bakery for not churning out Wrecktastic cakes...at least not yet!

Anonymous said...

don't worry, the new transformer cakes for revenge of the fallen are on the way. I'm sure they'll be more complicated, and hence, even worse wrecks.

Kristen said...

I've done this kit many times at work and these examples make me cringe like no other...

They're not even trying to make it look like the picture! >__<

*face palm*

Marisa said...

Yellow cake? Correct me if I am wrong, but isn't that processed Uranium?

BrianX said...

We ordered one of those for my nephew's birthday a year or two ago. My sister had explicitly forbidden me to make a cake, which I found frankly insulting, as I had a really cool design in mind of head-to-head Autobot and Decepticon logos. But no. She insisted.

Yeah, it was wrecked.

Anonymous said...

snapps for owl city! that is where you got the fronds thing, right??

Samantha said...

Haha ILU Owl City. <3

Lore said...

"But with fronds like those, who needs anemones?"

-blink- I'm pretty sure Fireflies wasn't out six months ago, but I applaud you for the reference anyway. xD There's just one word of difference between your comment and the lyrics. -starts humming the song-

"With fronds like these, who needs anemones?"

I love your blog, by the way. I've spent the past five or so days reading through all the posts, starting from the beginning. My brother's asked me a million times what I'm laughing at.

Lore said...

* I correct my last comment. I meant 'The Bird and the Worm', not Fireflies. I had the wrong song stuck in my head. ^^;

Rachel said...

"But with fronds like those, who needs anemones" is also a line from the Owl City song "The bird and the worm"