Tuesday, June 30, 2009

A Cake Wrecks Salute

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Today we salute you, Mr. or Mrs. Patriotic Cake Wreckerator.

[singing] "Mr. or Mrs. Patriotic Cake WreckoRAAATor!"

Yes, in a sea of national complacency, you are the one shining beacon of truth, justice, and proper icing depictions of the American flag:

"Hey, Betsy Ross would be pro-oud!"

And when it comes to the star placement on those flags. you don't let petty things like "perspective" or "scale" get in your way:

"Ooooh, I think you need a few mo-ore!"

Yes, no other cake decorator loves this country quite the way you do, or has our sacred borders drawn on their hearts in quite the same way:

"At least you got Florida!"

So here's to you, Faithful Fan of the Frosted Flag. Because without you, tinsel and airbrushing and cliched eagle photos would never end up on Cake Wrecks, where we all know they belong:

"Mr. or Mrs. Patriotic Cake Wreckeraaaaa-tor!"


Thanks to Wreckporters Danae H., Kate B., Scott W., & Emily J., who are clearly more patriotic than you are.

- Related Wreckage: Somewhere in Kabul, there is an Italian bakery
Falen said...

LOL! That was the best beer commercial - i mean Cake Wreck.

anawinston said...

first of all - bless you for honoring the bud light song dudes! and I guess the patriots. And B - I really thought the one cookie cake with extra stars was a bikini at first...

Anonymous said...

Did I just sing my way (in my head) through that post? I sure did. Thank you for that, I shall now be singing that all day.

This is one of those times that a tribute turns slightly offensive. Those are just terrible, even though well ment. Seriously, the stars on the cookie and CCC AND trippy airbrushing, this is just too much! I think I will stick with red white and blue sprinkles!

Thanks for the morning giggle,
Becky

Tiffany said...

That last one makes me want to move out of the country.

Karen said...

Happy Birthday, America! Sorry your cake is so lousy.

Barbarino said...

The second photo down looks like "God Bless Bacon".

Judy said...

Oooh! Oooh! Oooh! Can you do Canadian flags tomorrow. Puulllleeeease! The maple leaf is so hard to draw freehand. I just know there must be some great wrecks out there.

vivaELvino said...

I'm impressed by the ccc shaped like the USA. Good use of the cupcake shapes to make the borders.

Rachel said...

A freaking great post. It made my day :) Love those commercials!

Miranda said...

Lord have mercy. do they not know what the flag even looks like?

VW: ovell.

Ovell...I guess they tried?

Anonymous said...

Am I the only one who is impressed that someone made a CCC look almost like the USA? Anyone??

Anonymous said...

SO proud to be an American right now (not!).

Pilar said...

I could totally hear the song in my head. Awesome!

T said...

Hilarious - so funny. I had the song going the entire time in my head... ;)

LibrarianJessica said...

Is it just me, or does that second photo kind of look like a bra?

Janella said...

Got to love the "GODBLESS" on that second one!! Wow, those are bad...

bzzzzgrrrl said...

"This is one of those times that a tribute turns slightly offensive." Yes, yes, yes.

But, um, Suzy B.? I can only think of Susan B. Anthony, and I don't get the connection. Help, please.

Robyn said...

Ah, the USA, where we have the freedom to wreck cakes, including cakes celebrating the freedom we have (to wreck cakes). Ironic. And I'm pretty sure you'd be imprisoned in North Korea for wrecking a patriotic cake as badly as that last one. Love your blog! - Robyn

HorribleLicensePlates said...

*standing ovation!*

sallythetimid said...

I loved it, but having the options be Mr. or Mrs. did make me pause and say "wait, why does she have to be married"?

Karen said...

For a CCC, that America one is actually not ***that*** bad.

That last one is like a wonky magic eye poster.

Kashmir said...

That ad campaign is one of my all time favorites. Thank you for including it here and for doing it very well, I might add.

lawnajo said...

It seems there are more and more wrecks on those giant cookies. They are becoming almost as despicable as CCCs.

Julie said...

The simple fact you wrote that to the tune of those hilarious beer commercials totally made my day...

Fluffy Cow said...

Love that California is just absent on the outline cake.

Elena said...

I love those commercials! Although you said Wreckerator in the first, and the changed to Decorator in the second, at the ending.
Those are SCARY CAKES, though. Has the first one even /seen/ the flag? "Yeah, it totally has red and blue stripes. I KNOW MY FLAG."

luna said...

i cannot believe that i'm the only one to have noted that mexico and florida form a sort of...ahem...crotchtacularness of tackitude there on the right hand side of the CCC....

j.cro said...

You know those Bud Light radio commercials where the guy sings "Reeeal American Heeeerooooooo"
Well, that's the tune I heard playing in my head as I read the photo captions. It makes it THAT much funnier!!

Matt said...

This might be my favorite post ever. Great job!

Keep up the great work.

From,
rolling cooler cooler roller.

Jenniffer said...

Awesome post!

-Jenniffer
http://cupadeecakes.blogspot.com

Ginny said...

I don't know which is more sad...the wrong flag stripes or the sordid attempt to fit all those tiny stars into a ridiculous space? I'll let the terribly formed USA cake go this time and vote for the blue-and-red stripes. That's just sad.

I LOVE the site and have never been here before--got the link from

http://pregnantorfat.wordpress.com/

Do you run that one too? Awesome.

rachelemiliejackson said...

On the third photo down, I think somewhere to the far upper-left there should be a freewheeling cupcake representing Alaska. Then it would be 'perfect'. :)

E.E.King said...

Here is a link to the ads you were referencing, for further enjoyment!

http://www.contemporaryinsanity.org/audio-video/bud-light-real-men-of-genius.html

LaurenH said...

Are you sure the last one isn't the opening of the Colbert Report? ;)

I like the second. Despite the fact that it's pretty easy to tell it's a 'D', when the words are smushed together like that I really want to read "Goobles" So....Goobles, America!

Erin said...

so, at first I thought that cake 2 was trying to actually put 50 stars on the flag and assumed there were 13 stripes. nope. counted. 30-ish stars and at best 11 stripes. soooooo really. what's that about? plan plan plan people!

KritterBugg said...

Those are just hilarious! And yes, now I will have that commercial in my head all day long!!! At least I know how NOT to decorate my cake if I make one this weekend! ;o)

DK
http://uberfoodnoob.blogspot.com/

Lacy said...

Jen, you're a genius.

mhb said...

A) I will have the Bud Light ad song in my head for the rest of the day. That's not all bad, I guess.

B) I'm fascinated by people criticizing things like the use of "Mr. or Mrs." (uh, I'm a "Miz" and I didn't even notice that... time to relax, folks - Cake Wrecks did not just decree that all female wreckerators must be married) and the use of both Wreckerator/Decorator. (you MUST CHOOSE ONLY ONE!)

C) I think the cookie-cake with the two misshapen flags may have been heart shapes before they became flags? Maybe? But why?

D) The last cake made my stomach hurt. For America.

Jennifer said...

My poor state of Michigan is gone fro the flag. Not even a hint of a lake either.

kyooty said...

Since first cake (underneath dat) is from Canada and we celebrate tomorrow, where's ours? :)I'm going to have to hit the stores it seems!

Jessica Sant said...

"Hey, Suzy B. would be pro-oud!" - don't you mean Betsy Ross? She's the one who sewed the first flag.

Melissa Marsh said...

I just read this all in my head using the voices from the guys in the beer commercials.

This post was AWESOME.

TychaBrahe said...

I think by Suzy B. you mean Betsy Ross.

Amy said...

Oh, those are awful!

~Amy B.

MzHartz said...

That's what I was thinking Luna. Florida looks a bit inappropriate.

ctdeyo said...

WOW! Those are some of the worst cakes in awhile. That last one is HORRIBLE!

Anonymous said...

Wow... I totally sung along to that whole post. I love those commercials! Great stuff! Had everyone in my office looking at me while I was giggling at my computer. Totally worth it!

Thanks for the mid morning laugh!

Melissa

denisewalks said...

The second one could kind of pass for a patriotic bikini top.

Anonymous said...

I've loved the site 'til now but this? This cements my girl-crush (in a non-sexual way of course) on you Jen.

Crazy People I've Worked With said...

I am shocked the CCC of the US actually does somewhat resemble the actual shape...

Kara said...

"cannot believe that i'm the only one to have noted that mexico and florida form a sort of...ahem...crotchtacularness of tackitude there"

Noooo ... apparently I have the same dirty mind. :) My first thought was that it looked sort of ... half-mast-ish. Yeah. I'm gonna quit before I get myself in trouble.

IGiveUp said...

"At least you got Florida!"

That looks more like a cross section of the male reproductive system than a map of the US.

I Love Baby Quilts! said...

Little known fact: the guy who sings lead in those commercials is the lead singer from Survivor ("It's the..Eye of the Tiger, it's the cream of the fight, risin' up to the challenge of our rivals!)

Looked that up one day when I knew the voice was familiar but couldn't place it.

I Love Baby Quilts! said...

http://www.usatoday.com/money/advertising/adtrack/2004-01-12-bud-side2_x.htm

here's the link to which I refer!

ROYALTY said...

OMG just a few days ago I heard one of these commercials on TV and I was thinking "wouldn't it be funny if they made one about cake wreckers" - Jenn I swear you are a genius!! Love love love your humor!

Meow!
Misha @ http://www.kitty-cakes.blogspot.com

jackie31337 said...

bzzzzgrrrl said But, um, Suzy B.? I can only think of Susan B. Anthony, and I don't get the connection. Help, please.

Same here. Susan B. Anthony was known for campaigning for women's right to vote. Perhaps Jen was thinking of Betsy Ross (credited with making the first US flag) or Mary Pickersgill (who made the flag at Fort McHenry, which inspired the Star Spangled Banner - can you tell I'm from Baltimore?).

Anonymous said...

I swear I read the second cake as GOBBLES AMERICA.

o.O

DangGina said...

The "GODBLESS AMERICA" cake makes us look like a nation divided. Maybe we are in many ways, but...that cake is sad.

Anonymous said...

OMG FUNNIEST POST EEEEEVVVEEERRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sue KuKu said...

I love those commercials and have been wishing they could be made into karaoke tracks! I could envision groups doing those together.

Fluffy Cow, the reason you don't see California is that there was an earthquake and it finally fell into the ocean, like they've been predicting for decades!

KuKu
your fellow LBer

Rachel S said...

Thank you for pairing my favorite series of commercials with your blog. YOU ARE AWESOME.

lifeofleisa said...

On first glance, I thought that second one said "Gobbles America"!

tracy said...

I love you for that. And I was totally singing along in my head.

~*~ Just plain me~*~ said...

I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought that looked like a bikini. And A+ for the Bud Light reference! LOL

Our Crazy Life said...

I think that CCC over by the Florida section looks like someones ...um....junk!!

PrincessSunshine said...

OOH! Remember when most of the Midwest was swallowed by a meteor made of frosting?

No, neither do I.

Contemporary Troubadour said...

Bud Light commercial + Cake Wrecks = HILARIOUS. Methinks further commercial spoofs are in order, now that you've shown us this aspect of your parodic talents.

David Short said...

Reeeeal Cakes of Geeeeenius!

We salute your official post

frigglesnitz said...

Betsy Ross must be ripstitching in her grave!

WV- tartoing- "Honest, Occifer, I've only had tee martoonies. I'm on my way to the tartoing parlor to get my favoritest cake wreck on my bum."
Friends don't let friends buy Cake Wrecks (they give them as gifts!)

Anonymous said...

That was great...thanx for the laughs :)

Judy said...

Maybe with Americas obesity problem id do-e-e-es say gobbles America! hmmmm? just sayin'!

Anonymous said...

Thank you for the laughs :)

my7kids said...

No, Luna wasn't the only one to notice... but expressing it as "crotchtacularness of tackitude" is like the funniest thing EVER!!

Quite a disproportion going on there too...

Nikki
Tweet me nice!

Amanda said...

That was awesome! I love those commercials and you did a super great job. I could hear his singing voice in my head and it went along perfectly!

Melissa (& Billy) said...

Hilarious! I love those commercials.

I actually like the CCC (shock!) It's rather clever. However, the bottom one looks like a patriotic-colored upchuck.

Christina M. said...

After the great Epcot Incident of 2009, I prefer to stay out of the Suzy B. vs. Betsy Ross debate. I'm from Philadelphia and had flag history drilled into me every day, but I'm keeping an open mind in case Jen used Suzy B. on purpose. :-)

Love the Real Men of Genius theme in the post. I want to sent this link to them just so they can do a CakeWrecks song. ;-)

Scritzy said...

Re the cookie cake: I never knew the flag could have a goiter. Learn something new every day.

Word verification: tordishe (adj); large, bulky, unwieldy. From Swedish wrestler Tor Johnson. Usage: "The star fields on the cookie cake look tordishe."

Jen said...

Thanks to those of you who pointed out my Suzy B/Betsy Ross mix-up. In my defense - or rather, in an attempt to throw someone *else* under the bus - John didn't catch it, either. ;)

I will now correct the post, so that future commenters can ask what the heck we're all talking about. Whee!

Kelly said...

Love your salute. I sang along as I read your post. Now that commercial tune will be in my head all day! :)

Danielle said...

Awesome post--love the commercials, love Cakewrecks. I just wish there was sound!

wv: nockmai
Why you gotta nockmai country with those craptastic cakewrecks?

Andrea said...

I totally got the voice in my head for that. Thanks for making me LOL!

Anonymous said...

Wow, I actually just sat and stared at that 2nd one for several seconds. I even gave my head a scratch. That was just... wow.

jessica said...

That last cake made me really dizzy, I couldnt focus on it long enough to tell what it was supposed to be (maybe its not supposed to be anything, but like I said I cant look at it!)

Desiree said...

OMG I could totally hear the Budwiser commercial voice over in my head! BTW, my sister's name is (Beverly) "Betsy" Ross!!

Anonymous said...

How does a Wreckerator (like the one in the second cake) hear the words "American Flag" and think "Odd, misshapen starry thing that looks vaguely like a mutant pair of pants"? I just don't get it! Someone should do a scientific study on these "cake" "decorators" to see if their unique genetic structure protects them from any diseases as well as making them utterly clueless.

P.S. Jen, I love the joke about the commercial, but you've used it before, remember? (Mr. Grocery-Store-Cake-Decorator)

Naazju said...

I salute you, for throwing back to the "Real American Heroes/Real Men of Genius" advertisements.

And I cower from the creations those bakeries allowed to be displayed on their shelves. ::shiver::

Jacq Cooks said...

Loved the commercial theme tie-in, second only to Princess Bride tie-in...Challenge for you Jen:

Love Boat theme song tie in?
Gilligan's Island?
Pick you tv show theme song tie in?
You can do it!

WV: phati, as in "If you GOBBLES AMERICA, you be a phati!"

Just Me,Pilgrim said...

God bless the USA. Now I am going to move to Canada.

Lindsey said...

That homage to the bud light song was FANTASTIC!

And those cakes are so bad!!!! The one with the wonky stars is the best/worst. :)

Gina said...

Oh. Em. Gee. Jen, I swear, you make me laugh harder every single day! The Bud Light homage was priceless!!!

wv: loosa {noun} not a winner "She found a new cake decorator because the last one was a real loosa."

Karen said...

Too funny! I would probably get in an accident from laughing hysterically if that came on the radio while I was driving. You need to pitch that commercial to them.

Lynn said...

Oh, my...another bad use of everything...and those rows of stars...hilarious !

After these cakes, I think I might just start taking my camera while I'm shopping at stores that have bakeries...it might be fun to find a few Wrecks myself LOL

Lori said...

I think "Faithful Fan of the Frosted Flag" needs to be on a tshirt.

LeMira said...

Seriously, before I scrolled down to see the second image in its fully glory, I thought I was going to be looking at a bikini top that was decorated July 4th style. Sheesh.

Anonymous said...

My three-year-old saw the first cake and said, "wormies!"

hahahahaha

As always, your commentary is what keeps me coming back. Keep up the good work!

BethBear

Miss G said...

oh my! That is hilarious! Kelly

Rusty and Bandit said...

Wow...Kind of ironic. Not too long ago I attended a 4-H workshop, and a man came in with a bunch of different flags that he had collected over the years. Each flag was one of the designs that had been considered as our country's flag. Amazingly enough, one of them looked kinda like...well, that first one. Ha ha. Lovely singing by the way. Genius...lol.

Anonymous said...

Not only some awesome wreckage, but kudos on the commercial homage!!!

September said...

Seriously? Do they live in America?

Wendy said...

Wow! That Floridian...appendage...is quite interesting.

Cami said...

I didn't realize Mexico and Canada had been swallowed by the blue icing ocean! Tragic really.

Shelli (wishes she was) Mrs. Burchett;) said...

Alas...these are just a small collection of the "beautiful" birthday cakes I have had over the last 36 years:(

Katie S. said...

So, I'm reading this and my fiance's reading over my shoulder. I scrolled down to the CCC attempt at the country and he says "Is that a Christmas tree?"

Hyena Overlord said...

Yes, Canadian Flags tomorrow. It's Canada's birthday.

Oh, and the white CCC looks like a lumpy old backside with two ermmm, well you know what they look like.

wv: frumps...used to describe some of the dresses my grandmother used to buy for me when I lived with her.

Anonymous said...

i love the beer commercials and all but this post totally made my day. great idea! ahahahahaha

Dani said...

Ooh! Does this mean we can expect Canada Day related wrecks tomorrow? (It is Canada Day after all :D)

sendingtheclowns said...

Yeah, sure, they left out California's foot... BUT WAIT--THERE'S MORE!!! Apparently, something dreadful has also happened to Alaska, Maine, most of New England, and Hawaii . So, to Mr. or Ms. "I Love the USA! - but-I-just-can't-be-bothered-with-trying-to-make-this-thing-look- like-an-actual-map" : SIT on it. Face first, please.
On that last cake, I was thinking that the eagle looks like a plastic figurine, rather than a photo; it looks kind of 3D.
This once-proud, iconic symbol appears to be landing with a screeching halt on a bloody crime scene.. .Oh, wait--it IS.
=^><^=

Jenna said...

OK that second cake with the weird flags - is anyone seeing either two spindly hands holding open a spread-out buttcrack? Either that or a very, very strangely decorated ladypart. Something about the angle of those two 'flags' curving away from each other...*shudder*

Morgan the Muse said...

It took me a moment to get that the stripes are not supposed to be blue... I think I am spending too much time at work.

Dana said...

I am pretty sure it is just me, but the second one looks like a bikini top!

Cebuanong Hilaw said...

This pictures give me idea to create a Philippines version of cake where i can call it national cake...

Used cars distributor

RaiselM said...

Brilliant idea to put the post to, um, music? The tune has been in my head for almost a full day!
Here's one for you... Everybody was Kung Fu Fighting. Those kids were fast as lightning.

Anonymous said...

VERY WELL DONE! I could hear the commercial in my head as i read it. Hilarious!!

Anonymous said...

I salute you, Jenn for combining two of my favorite things- the 'Real Men' ads and Cake Wrecks!! I totally sang through the whole post. The guy singing in the background makes the whole thing! Happy Fourth!

Lisa said...

This was absolutely hilarious. Like for reals. I think this is now my favorite post. I read the whole thing in those guys' voices.
You really had the cadences and everything just down! Fantastic stuff.

Ann said...

If you turn that map one upside down you could end up with a real ugly Statue of Liberty.

I didn't say you could improve it, just was trying to figure out that the shape may have been meant for.

Ann

IrreverendAmy said...

I've never noticed quite how much Florida looks like a big ol' wang hanging off the USA. Way to go, CCC makers!

Jenna said...

Oh, and "God Bless America"? No way.

That thing says "Goobless America".

YES IT DOES.

Johanna said...

I really tend to think that's a wonky eagle figurine on that last one as opposed to an eagle picture.

nicole said...

Nice take on the commercial. Some of the best marketing ever, even if I still don't drink that beer. I do want to eat cake now, though.

Tiffany Dyer said...

This is my favorite post of yours in recent memory. I'm in a college library right now, and I couldn't stop laughing - I drew a few stares.

Haysfever said...

The "cupcake cake" with the states on this post? My 6 year old was looking at this with me and said...hey! A tooth! LOL!

Anonymous said...

I know I'm way late to the party here, but my husband and I are big fans of the "Real Men of Genius" ads, so I just have to express my appreciation for this awesome post. So funny!

hyphen8 said...

Oh, I really loathe those commercials..but you did it well. As usual. Thanks, I think. :p

Cupcakes Lady said...

lol... homage to the bud song was fantastic! Very funny xx