Monday, May 11, 2009

When the World Is Not Enough...

Monday, May 11, 2009

Just cram some more crap on there.

You know those picture books, where you have to find all the hidden objects? I think this cake is kind of like that. So tell me, can you find:

- 6 Styrofoam lollipops
- a picket fence
- a red-eyed demon child riding its trusty star steed
- a gold coin
- enough ribbon to choke half a dozen children
- a dozen roses
- a big thumb print
- what is either a bottle cap or a foil-wrapped candy
- a red jelly bean
- what I hope is an Oreo cookie, and not a rusted metal disc
- tulle, tulle, and more tulle

And in case you didn't spy it, this photo also has an added bonus! See, right here:

(buh dum bump!)

Thank you, thank you. I'll be here all week. (And the week after that, and the week after that...)
Anonymous said...

WOW! Don't forget the rainbow, cross, and sugar cookie leaf/tree things...

My eyes hurt!

Half Assed Kitchen said...

Are you sure that demon child isn't riding a carrot?

Angie (from over at www.HalfAssedKitchen.com)

Kashmir said...

Sad thing is, somebody probably ordered that and was THRILLED with the results.

DangGina said...

This is a CHRISTENING cake? Hmm...

Lady Anne said...

And don't forget the off-center writing! Yeesh! We really need a good shot of the top of the cake. Well, as good as it can be, under the circumstances, at any rate.

Debbi said...

Wow. Just wow.

Haiku Joy said...

What sex was this child?
Overachieving cake can
gender-confuse, too.

Jan said...

omg...at a loss for words. No, wait, here are three...Less is more...or maybe More is bad...or More is horrific...

flourgirl said...

That reminds me of the cake my daughter made for my dad's birthday. It had every disney princess figurine she owned along with every color of sprinkles in the house. Quite a sight! Of course, she was 5 years old when she made the cake....so it was sweet - not pathetic.

Angie said...

Wow. That's just... wow. I don't think I've ever seen a more cluttered cake. I bet it took longer to un-decorate it, than to eat it.

tnew78 said...

The only thing I can't find on the messy...thing...is the thumb print.

The Masked Mommy said...

Love it! How is it that you can take a cake so truly hideous and make it even funnier than it was when it was just ugly? :-)

The Courteous Chihuahua said...

I think the gentleman in the background holding the beer was the decorator, and he started drinking while working on the cake.

I so wish we could read the message on the cake.

Christa said...

oh wow...that is crazy, who comes up with the idea of an unedible candy forest and a rainbow...for a christening? Really I mean come on!

cheryl.andrey said...

All that non-cake stuff is definitely making this the most non-appetizing cake I've ever seen.

Summer said...

Oh that's a riot! It IS just like those books. I would not eat that cake ... not even a lick of icing. ICK!

Kathy said...

my favorite part is that beer bottle in the back ground.

katy said...

it's glorious! what a cake spectacular.

Anonymous said...

And beer is always appropriate for a baby's christening...

wv droodi... I am glad I wasn't the one that droodi name on this wreck...

Anonymous said...

Wow. Just. Wow. Am I making this up, or does this cake actually say "Welcome to the Christian World"???? Please tell me I'm wrong...

Oh, and while we're listing "I spys" you could add- two pine trees, freshly mown grass, and a church with a steeple. They're pretty obvious, but still very important parts of this beautiful design! -Becca

Jan Andrea said...

People actually have cakes for christenings? "Welcome to the Christian world"?! Seriously?

WWJE?

Julie said...

Wow. That's...Precious. If that's what it looks like to be welcomed to the "Christian World," like the cake says, I'd rather not be welcomed! j/k

Tony and Cayla said...

What about the "Welcome to the Christian World?" proudly displayed on top in such large writing the baby's name had to go on the side of the cake?

Redgryphon said...

Does it come with a trowel to scrape the detritus off before you serve?

XOXO said...

I found the others ... I think ... and I also spy - with my little eye - something that looks like a moldy carrot.

I don't get it.

And is the person behind the cake having a beer? Woot!

Trudi said...

If that's the welcome you get to the Christain world, I'm glad I'm an atheist! Truly, truly hideous.

Anonymous said...

But Oh! What does the cake have written upon it?
It's a Christening cake, and appears to read "Welcome to ...the?....Christdom?"

Becky said...

After zooming in I have to say it's worse!
I love that the inscription says, "Welcome to the Christian World" (that's what I interpreted anyways).
If I got that for MY christening... I'd run the other way, lol.

wv = artai

This cake is not very artai.

Sheila said...

lol - also love the added bonus of the beer bottle. That says a lot. :)

Manggy said...

Hah! I recognize that BONUS packaging-- this cake is from the Philippines. Few notes, though:
1. Soda is very commonly found in glass bottles, so that is a soda, not a beer (note the straw)
2. Baptism/Christening cakes are common (actually, some families would have a "reception", which is probably where this pic was taken)
3. Neither a rusty coin nor an oreo-- simply yet another gold foil-covered chocolate coin not reflecting the flash well :)

Anyway, even without the BONUS packaging I would recognize the nationality of such hideousness anywhere! :) (best reason to learn to bake at home!)

Uark2003 said...

A dozen roses? Darn it if I was never good at this game....help!? Someone point out the obvious.

Uark2003 said...

A dozen roses? I've never been good at this game...someone help the "blonde" in the room. Where are those darn roses?

Meg said...

You left out hellfire, Christmas trees, and a teeny tiny cross to remind you this is a religious event.

Anonymous said...

Church with a steeple? Hmmm... I swear I thought that thing in the middle under the rainbow was the burning bush.

And if the cake doesn't just scream "classy", the guy in the background apparently drinking a beer through what looks like a straw certainly does.

Welcome to the Christian world! Let's get drunk and eat us some cake! Praise Jesus!

Anonymous said...

Thank you, CW commenters, for deciphering the "Welcome to the Christian World!" I never would have guessed that.

Wouldn't you love to see this decorator's take on the non-Christian world? What would he/she possibly churn out for a Bar or Bat Mitzvah? And woe to the child whose parents choose not to christen him/her.

jenncgf said...

You know, my better homes and gardens cookbook has a recipe for a 'busy day cake', but I don't think this is what they meant. :D

- Jenn

wv: labbil - I agree when Jen labbils this cake as a wreck :D

Beckie said...

What about the Christmas trees?? I spy with my little eye TWO Christmas trees. Yikes.

Mequet said...

What the...? Is that baby wearing a bikini?

madrobins said...

What's with the tree-shaped air fresheners? I know babies are not always kissing sweet, but still...

Irene said...

And after all that, they STILL couldn't center the writing!!!!! Gotta love it.

Passion Fruit said...

Wow.

Awful. Tacky. Not even the cute kind of tacky.

And the whole star riding, La-la land, rainbows and sunshine theme is even worse when you consider the occasion: Welcome to the Christian World.

This is a hot mess.

VW: coduciz -- This cake is not coduciz to happiness.

Fluffy Cow said...

My eyes! My eyes! Someone get me some holy water!

WF- Unglyf: This cake is really unglyf.

EmBee said...

*sobs* The roses! I can't find the ROSES!!!

Oh, oh there they are, sorry 'bout that, I kinda lost my head there for a moment.

Ummm, those roses... kinda small aren't they?

Whew! Whatta wreck!

Mrs. Flax said...

Does the inscription read "Welcome to the Christian World?" Cause, yeah, I think it does. It would only be better if it said "Welcome to Christain World." One of my favorite gruesome mithspellings.

jackie31337 said...

First of all, I hereby nominate flourgirl for best food-related nickname ever.

Second, what is Bonus? My mind boggles as to what kind of product it could be and what it's doing so close to the cake.

WV: strypery - the only thing that could make this cake any more cluttered would be some more airbrushed strypery around the edges.

Casey and Jeannie said...

Thank you for making me laugh every single morning.

Me said...

Maybe the bakery was having a "going out of business" thing going on....and they had to get rid of ALL of their inventory. And THIS cake was the LUCKY WINNER of all things hideous that were left in stock :/

Cecily said...

Hahaha - Where'd you find this picture? LOL

It's from the Philippines as someone already pointed out. The BONUS - its a budget label from a shopping store in the Philippines BTW - label didn't even need to be there for me to recognize the tacky meringue icing.

And yes, these type of cakes are ordered. They don't cost that much, a cake that big would hardly cost more than 10 USD, but don't get your hopes up, the cake is dry and the icing is hardly exhilarating - LOL.

I've had my share of eating these cakes, reminds me of my childhood. Still, its hideousness is indeed hard to deny, but for a lot of people, it's Aces - well, a lot of people in the Philippines anyway.

Hahaha - styrofoam balloons - Spare me. LOL

Robin said...

...remember to tip your waiter - you've been a great audience!

Sara Doane said...

Hahahaha, this is awesome! Thanks for the little I-Spy game, too, it made it all the more fun.

Anonymous said...

I went to a confirmation party yesterday. The cake was lovely, and the contrast makes this one so much worse!

Raychel said...

That's one wreck!!!

I cant find the gold coing lol

mycreativeway.blogspot.com

HorribleLicensePlates said...

It probably took them an hour to get to the actual cake.

Kammy said...

YIKES!!

Kristin aka kjnohr aka Trekkie Gal said...

Don't forget the badly-spaced, wobbly writing on the side of the cake.

Alison Douglass Photography said...

What I love the most is the two christmas trees... 12 days of chritening anyone??

Trish said...

The trees in the background have an amazing resemblance to the pine tree shaped car fresheners. Ewww.

It also looks likes something took a swipe outta the icing on the left corner!

Julie said...

It looks like the dollar store barfed on a perfectly good cake.

Trish said...

BTW...I think the horrid thing DOES say "Welcome to the Christian World" on it...that's just weird!

Dawn said...

LMAO. That cake is so much fun. I love those I Spy games! I wouldn't dare eat it though. So many potential choking hazards. Good way to kill the baby, if thats what you're going for.

Abby Normal said...

Uark2003, I'm having trouble too. I can only find 11. They're in the tulle. 8 pink, 1 purple, 1 yellow, and 1 white.

I imagine the final one must be in the front right group. The other corners have 3 each. But I only see 2 in that corner.

BigMomma said...

*mouth agape*

There are no words.

Michelle S. said...

"Welcome to the Christian World"

If I'd known it was a world of pink and blue icing, rainbows, gold coins, and sprinkle-covered clouds I'd have tried harder to get in!

Bead Up said...

What does the text on the cake say -- welcome to the ?.... the congregation? the christening? the commotion?

Allison said...

Hmmmm...I would have to say that that cake's probably not doing the Christian world many favors. Truly, truly hideous.

heather said...

can't...breathe...
thumbprint?!?
you're killing me!

Alix said...

Good lord. If that was MY Christening cake, I'd crawl back into the womb. It's a freaking CandyLand nightmare.

Callisto said...

That inverted rainbow is no ordinary rainbow. It is Kouda, a special mushi that appears when it rains. Don't touch it, or you'll become dehydrated if you're not in contact with water at all times!

Jen said...

Does anyone else see what looks like a rotton orange peel on the left under the green lolipop?

Meli said...

Enjoy your trippy cake, Baty Rijah Charlize!

Meredith said...

Hey Jen! It's high wedding season. Can we see some wedding wrecks? Mine's next week--let's hope it doesn't end up on here!
Meredith

Anne Johnson said...

Looks like a crazy Christmas house -- way to many ornaments in a little tiny yard.

Aislinn said...

I think the rusty Oreo is actually a fake penny. Which I'm not necessarily sure is better... at least an Oreo is edible!

Anonymous said...

"Welcome to the Christian World" want some LSD?

WV:flati. This cake is not a flati-ing portrayal of the Christian world.

Jasry said...

Wow, that's really quite... hideous....
I won't even touch "Welcome to the Christian world". Dang.

sendingtheclowns said...

...and a parr-tri-idge in a pear treeeeee!

>^!!^<

Susan said...

Wow. Wow.

Who knew that the Christian World looked like Psycho CandyLand?

The thumbprint is on the left (as viewed) corner...like someone stuck a finger in it getting it out of the box.

WV:funmeti All this cake needs now is some dat funmeti sprinkle frosting!

sendingtheclowns said...

Manggy said...

"...Soda is very commonly found in glass bottles, so that is a soda, not a beer (note the straw)"
**********
So? BEER is commonly found in bottles, too.
AND, some afficionados claim that drinking booze through a straw gets you buzzed faster. Maybe even drunk--which could WELL have been the motive, here.
=^>.<^=

Amaia said...

If this is a supposedly edible creation, then why in the name of FSM are the lollipops made of styrofoam?

Casey said...

That cake looks over flowing! :D

Scritzy said...

Gee, my godson's christening party only included a simple cake shaped like a cross, with an understated piped blue border.

Poor kid, he didn't realize what he was missing.

Anonymous said...

Did Sandra Lee make this $40 $500 cake?

Team McNamara said...

Maybe the baby was Christened in Candyland!

BITTER OLD BITCH said...

EEEP!!!

Looks like a "flotsam float" to me.

Nice bonus, btw. ;)

Karen said...

That has got to be the tackiest Christening cake I've ever seen!

Jo-Anne said...

Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows....this is a baby boomer christening! Does Leslie Gore jump out?

ComfyDenim said...

Seriously. What the Heck?!?!

You absolutely made looking at that cake fun.

Love the drum roll....

frigglesnitz said...

"Seriously, now, inventory's coming up fast and I don't want to count all these styrofoam lollipops and picket fences! Get them out of the bakery....TODAY!"

wv gostedi~ Your lettering is getting a little wobbly, gostedi now."

Anonymous said...

Welcome to the Christian world!!!

LOL LOL It was never that much fun when I was a kid. I think I would still be in Sunday school if we'd had beer with straws, and cake with toys and stuff all over it! A child (or a stoned high school kid) would love this cake.

I love this cake. IT's making me nostaligic for the "Christian World"................

Hyena Overlord said...

Did I mention that I work in Mental Health? Crappy cakes like this are good for business once Jr. is an adult.

Kaysha said...

I'm actually nauseated...

Anonymous said...

Today marks my husband's and my 7th anniversary. I demand he makes a cake like the first one only with more disney princess and pokemon cake toppers to celebrate this amazing feat of husbandly patience.

I'm Losing It! said...

I'm pretty sure the top of the cake says, "Welcome to the Christian World" or something close to that. That has to be the strangest Christening cake I've ever seen! BTW, I think I saw TWO gold coins on it. Weird.

WV: gamyt = The objects on this cake run the whole gamyt of things you might find in your junk drawer.

Anonymous said...

That isn't a beer with straw. Some people are just so stubborn.

That is a COLA drink with a straw.

In the Philippines it is common to have then in glass bottles and even plastic bag with a straw and that bottle is NOT in the shape of a typical beer bottle common in the PI.

karina said...

I'm another who recognizes the BONUS label from the Philippines. And that cake looks pretty typical for something made there, cheap & over-done. But considering the percapita income there, this was a treat for the family. It's also the reason I made my kids birthday cakes myself while we lived there. :)

holly said...

I think the cake is a tad overdone. But if the posters are right and this is from the Phillipines, I'm not going to condemn it because it's a cultural difference. Some of our things look or sound pretty funny to other countries too.

wv: Noope. Noope, not gonna make fun of this one!

caragwapa said...

Yes, that is a soda bottle, Royal Tru Orange to be exact. Although... admit it fellow Filipinos, beer is, more often than not served during Christenings. In fact, all occasions are just an excuse to bring out the San Miguel (beer that is).
And that's not a particularly ugly cake for Filipino standards, it's actually average. haha.

mere9 said...

it reminds me of a pop-up book.

Amy said...

Was there a sale on plastic stick-on cake decorations that day?

~Amy B

Chris said...

My 3 yo is now begging for this cake. Shame on you, mystery decorator.

Zombie Edward said...

Not to mention the beer toting person in the background. No better way to celebrate a child's christening then with booze.

Liz Jameson said...

i think that IS a "rusted metal disc". it actually looks like an old coin. is there something about coins and christenings? i dont know...

Guwapa said...

Oh my goodness! I'm Filipina and I can't help but smile--that ghastly thing brought back good memories of childhood birthdays! A birthday cake like that was one of the highlights of any kiddie birthday party. Ü

Someone above mentioned that this a typical Filipino birthday cake--yep, that's right: the chocolate coins, the styrofoam rainbow at the back, the ribbons and tulle. I'm surprised that this didn't have icing flowers on it (the one that comes on a toothpick/stick).

Filipinos are known for horror vacui (fear of space), which in visual art means filling every bit of space with detail. Just take a look at our jeepney, our main form of public transportation.

That being said, this cake is one ugly cake. I love it!

Anonymous said...

As someone also from the Philippines (as many of the people who commented), I was undeniably amused by this post.

YES, this is actually a typical birthday cake here. I remember mine had a working(!) plastic mini-ferris wheel, lollipop fence posts, a porcelain clown topper, the gold-covered choco coins and other bits of flotsam and I LOVED IT. XD

Personally, the only thing that offends me is the use of styro lollipops (wtf?!?)and trees. And the fact that the baby's name was haphazardly written on the side.

Bianca said...

This is so, so very late but I just wanted to say that the random BONUS thing in the background is actually just a HUGE gallon of glue. (I have the exact same one in school. Ugh.)

Why they ever needed that near a cake, I won't even ask. :/

Love_... said...

She don´t understand Less is more !

Drei said...

I think it makes more sense to assume that it's one of those Bonus packs of plastic cups. For the Pop Cola or whatever cost saving measure they got for soda.

Jayson Austria said...

"This is so, so very late but I just wanted to say that the random BONUS thing in the background is actually just a HUGE gallon of glue. (I have the exact same one in school. Ugh.)"

-- sorry, but the mystery "BONUS" product is pack of plastic disposable cups.

I am a Filipino, and I am NOT proud of these cakes. They are hideous. Almost half of it is garbage you can't eat, and the other half is dry cake smothered with tasteless frosting (which you can hardly eat either).

Anonymous said...

I have a picture of my first birthday where I have a cake that had several of those styro balloons. I had a huge smile plastered all over my face in that photo. I must have loved it.

Yes, this is one ugly cake but as in any country, there are people who make these sorts of cakes and there are true cake artisans. We also have our share of the latter in the Philippines.

What other posters said about the beer in Christenings is so true. Any occasion is really just an excuse to drink beer, get wasted, and annoy the entire neighborhood with videoke singing. Tons of fun, I tell ya. ;-)

Anonymous said...

yes, it does say "Welcome to the Christian World", which, here in the Philippines, is what most people also write on their gifts to the newly baptized baby :)

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Nikki said...

This is overkill... LESS IS MORE sometimes! Geez....

Mallie said...

I feel obligated to point out that the star-riding baby looks like he/she is also strangling a cat. Wow.

Uncle Nick said...

I don't know how I had missed this one, but now that I've seen it, all I can say is:

it's a world of laughter, a world or tears
its a world of hopes, its a world of fear
theres so much that we share
that its time we're aware
its a small world after all

its a small world after all
its a small world after all
its a small world after all
its a small, small world

There is just one moon and one golden sun
And a smile means friendship to everyone.
Though the mountains divide
And the oceans are wide
It's a small small world

its a small world after all
its a small world after all
its a small world after all
its a small, small world

--(insert evil laugh) now that I've gotten that one stuck in your head LOL!