Friday, May 8, 2009

Multiple Choices for Mom

Friday, May 8, 2009

Ok, guys, decision time. How are you going to make Mom feel special on Sunday?

With a simple misspelling?


A grandiose promotion?


Or do you want to give her a little pep talk?

Granted, I'm not sure what Mom will be fighting per se... perhaps her disbelief over receiving such a Wreck?

Maybe your Mom is a fan of reeeeally long sweat socks. Or albino snakes. Or long, free-floating bear arms. Or whatever the heck these are:

Isn't it nice how bakeries are abandoning even a semblance of reason with CCCs these days? They're all, meh, screw it: it's a coupla scarves. Blowing in the wind. Around some roses. Yeah. Totally.

Or maybe your mother's always wanted one of those cool purse cakes:

And, you know, you hate her.

(Whoah, is that the super deluxe pipe-cleaner handle I see? Score!!)

If you really can't decide, though, "patently bizarre" is always a sure-fire crowd pleaser:

Although this would probably get you one of those patronizing cheek pats and a "Aw, you always did have such imagination, dear."

Or maybe you want to get something for both your grandmother and your spouse's grandmother, like Michelle P.'s friend Jim did. He asked for it to say "Love to two grandmothers."

Instead, they got something both "hilarious and mortifying":

Well, I'm sure it was memorable.


Robyn O., Chris K., Tracy C., Katrina M., Lisa F., & Iny, you have some tough choices ahead of you. Now go out there and make me proud! (Oh, and be sure to send pics.)
Half Assed Kitchen said...

Where's the nose? Don't we need a nose on that muppet cake?

Angie (from over at www.HalfAssedKitchen.com)

Haiku Joy said...

Quick, call A. Jolie!
Her brazenly stolen lips
are on a Muppet!

Kashmir said...

If you're going to put carrots on the cake then you should go ahead and shoot the works. What are carrots without mohawk baby jockeys? Sheesh!

Ayse said...

Despite the airbrushing, I think the Mother of the Universe cake looks pretty awesome. Rainbows!

Haiku Joy said...

Butterfly wishes
his beloved bug mama
"anther" holiday.


wv: dersa

I dersa I'll be chuckling at these all morning.

Milton said...

Silly wreckerator! Why make carrots out of icing on the two old mothers cake when you can naked carrot jockeys?!?!

Ashley said...

My 3-year-old son was looking at this post with me and asked why there was a birdie cake--yes, the yellow haired monstrosity looks like a bird to a 3-year-old....I have to agree with him!
Ashley

Roses said...

Happy Malker Sotherhood!
(The Mother's Day version of Falker Satherhood, of course.)

Krystine said...

"Robyn O., Chris K., Tracy C., Katrina M., Lisa F., & Iny, you have some touch choices ahead of you."

Apparently even the best make spelling mistakes. But we still love you!

Trevor said...

Wait, a commercial bakery put a PIPE CLEANER into FOOD!?! Don't they know you can't do that?! The purse, however, looks rather Van Gogh to me. It has a nice impressionist feel to it.

Poor Grandmothers, but, um, what exactly are those things on the cake?

Viewtiful_Justin said...

The bizarre face cake and the cupcake sweatsocks are AMAZINGLY bad! Who would put that out there? More importantly, WHO WOULD BUY THOSE?!

Love them all; love the blog!

KritterBugg said...

OMG!!!!!! All I can say is these are horribly hilarious!!!!

Judy said...

Okay you finally made me laugh out loud. The "two old mothers" did it. I'm sure that party was filled with laughter after bringing out the cake.

WV- Ratoni - Mafioso's nickname for Tony after he ratted on Frankie.

samcarter said...

I suspect the "Go! Fight! Win" cookie cake is some small homage to a scene in "The Incredibles", where Edna Mode is standing on the table and tells Helen (aka Elastigirl), "Well, you know where he is. Go! Fight! Win! [with her arms up in a feisty way] And call me when you get back, darling, I enjoy our visits."

At least that's what popped into my head when I saw that cake. Possibly because I have three small boys and we watch "The Incredibles" waaaayyyy too much.

BITTER OLD BITCH said...

Oh man, the sprinkle-crazed handbag with the pipe cleaner handle has me cringing. I can just IMAGINE how eating that thing must be.

*CRUNCH*

*CRUNCH*

*CRUNCH*

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew...

Anonymous said...

"Touch choices"?!
Oh, Jen!!
Hahaha! Oops!
Alex

john(the hubby of Jen) said...

Haiku and Krystine,

Yeah yeah...good catches.

In Jen's defense, she wrote this at 4 am today after a full day of wedding cake construction.

And I proof read it...

bwoops

john

Vashti said...

why does the mom on the cookie have lolly pops for hands?

hope said...

I just quit my Cake Decorating instructing job. I am a decorator with over 30 years experience.
I was stunned to find out that they are replacing me with a girl that has no baking or cake decorating experience and has only recently taken a beginners course herself. So..... the future of cake decorators is sufficiently secure ( ....heavy sigh!...)

Wreakerators fasten your seatbelts because HERE THEY COME!!!!

Cheryl said...

Don't mind my tears, I just can't stop laughing...

Auntie Meme said...

Mom ate the purse cake.
Died of sprinkle poisoning.
You fail pastry school.

TeDiouS said...

The yellow-haired monstrosity instantly made me think of the girl sloth in Ice Age...

Haiku Joy (Not So Haiku Just Now) said...

Far be it from me to correct Jen! Not only is it unnecessary (so many others will volunteer, doncha know) but as much delight and humor as she gives my life, it would also be ungracious. Additionally, the (usually) self-imposed restriction of writing my comments in haiku here have created quite a bit of mirth in my family. The phrase, "But hey, nice balloons" is well on its way to becoming a catchphrase. I couldn't ask for a better venue in which to romp creative, albeit in a minute way.

Jen, as evident by your talent on sweet baby James' cake and on the Spaceship Earth, I have no doubt that the wedding cake you've been laboring over will be the bride's dream.

Thank you for this blog. Thank you one million times.

InY said...

I was about to buy the freaky-looking-mom's-cake just for the sake of it! I was about to start laughing out loud when I was taking the picture but the attendant was looking at me...

Anonymous said...

I just found the perfect cake for my mother AND mother-in-law!!!


WV:PUPSANT...
Mom:Would you like any cake dear?
Me:Oh, just a wee pupsant of a piece sil vous plait.
Mom:I knew I shouldn't have paid for those French lessons.

Amy said...

The first one was looking so good and perfect until that dreaded misspelling.

~Amy B

Anonymous said...

I'm glad you gave me a hint as to what the first cake said. Even with that hint "another" took me almost a minute to figure out.

The "two old mother's" definitely made my day! A misunderstanding and a misplaced apostrophe - can it get any wreckier than that? Oh yeah, with crooked, ill-space lettering and indecipherable images (are those reverse Christmas trees?).

Kelley Marie said...

I like the gnomes on the "two old mother's" cakes... that's what they are, yeah?

Anonymous said...

I collect odd purses and I totally want a purse version of the purse cake. I'd love toting that around. It would be up there with my Monopoly board purse and my red glitter house-shaped purse.

Brie said...

Possibly the worst Cupcake Cake ever...and that's really saying something.


WV: ludlybox

For Mother's Day, I'm getting mum a ludlybox of chocolates.

Visione Bella said...

Well, clearly I'm not the first and only one to see this, but after seeing what my husband and I are now calling "The Muppet Cake," he bursts into singing "Mana-mana (na na, na na na)."

Of course, then he realized perhaps it looked more like Domo-kun in drag.... hrmmmmm. You decide.

Melonie said...

I think the Mother of the Universe cake just gave me a seizure.

And does anyone else think the F in the Go! Fight! Win! cookie looks a little too close to an L? Honestly, at first look I thought it said Go! Light! Win! and I couldn't decide if mom needed to turn on a lamp or have a cigarette. I'm betting the latter.

kyooty said...

you know that "old mother's cake" seems to be a cry for an entry to cake Wrecks? do you think that maybe just maybe bakers are now striving to be submitted? you know that any publicity is good publicity?

Keeley said...

Oh my god! If you want sprinkles, we've got sprinkles! That purse cake reminds me of the tv commercial where the couple dumps a whole container of sprinkles on the ice cream counter. (can't remember what it's a commercial for, just remember the sprinkles).

WV: cless--short for clueless

HorribleLicensePlates said...

I just want to say right now my mom will not be getting anything with pipe cleaners on it for Mother's Day. WE LOVE YOU MAMA!

Buffy said...

"Love to two old mattress"? WTF!!!

Anonymous said...

Is it "Go! Fight" or "Go! Light!"? I thought it was intended for a dieting mom, in which case I guess a giant cookie isn't really in keeping with the "light" theme.

alison said...

You got me with the old mother's cake. Explosive laughter that made my mom say "you're looking at cake wrecks, aren't you?"

wv: greste

The wreckorator greste and floured the cake pan so she would have an unblemished surface to wreckorate.

Felicia said...

I'll bet that scarf/snake/tube sock monstrosity came from my neck of the woods--it's practically a legal requirement here in Gainesville that cakes be decorated in the University of Florida's unfortunate choice of school colors, garish bright orange and fluorescent sky blue. (Visit any supermarket bakery here during football season and your eyeballs will explode.)

There really can't be any other logical explanation for that choice of colors!

Nakia said...

Aww it wasn't Haiku who pointed out the error, but anon who wrote in a similar three-line fashion and signed the post Alex :).

I love the haikus and look for them after I read through the blog entry each day :D. Hilarious post today, especially the commentary on the CCC!

GhtoPrincess said...

I third that the "F" in Fight looked more like an "L". I was thinking that was a bit insulting -Hey! Happy Mother's Day now go lose some weight...which means no cookie for you! Muwahahahah. That's just mean.

Michele said...

OMG!!! SPRINKLES! YEAHHH.. ok now, I've regained my composure.

Wishing all you old mothers a happy Malker Sotherhood!

MWAH HA HA HA HA...(peeing in pants slightly)

Emily said...

ah-hahaha!

That crazy hairy muppet cake has upside down lips! I almost shot diet coke out my nose when I saw that cake.

Bourbon Vanilla said...

Nicely done. I sure a mother would love this. But there is nothing more rewarding to be giving to your mother on this day is the love and giving back the thanks to what she had done to us since birth. Happy Mothers day to all moms out there. Specially my mother.:)

Melinda said...

That cupcake cake looks like some weird praying mantis sort of concoction. The flowers look like giant bug eyes to me. Yuck.

Tracy W said...

I think most moms would be reminded of your childhood when you made crooked and mispelled cards out of construction paper and macaroni if you bought one of these for her. Maybe that was the feel wreckerators were going for.

WV: ractin--Personally, I would be ractin with retching if presented with one of these.

peewee said...

Are those red christmas trees on that last cake? Mistletoe?

Drawn to Caricature said...

Something about the yellow haired creation with the big lips reminds me of the "Face of Bo" from Doctor Who. Even the box is like his tank!
Or is it just me?

sambycat said...

that made my day! had to post my excitement!

http://lisafarry.wordpress.com/2009/05/08/im-so-excited/

sadly, those 2 cakes are still there!

hope said...

Quoting:
Bourbon Vanilla said...

Nicely done. I sure a mother would love this. But there is nothing more rewarding to be giving to your mother on this day is the love and giving back the thanks to what she had done to us since birth. Happy Mothers day to all moms out there. Specially my mother.:)

Replying:
Yes, sadly for many it IS what our mother did TO us rather than what they did FOR us.

WV: Hareco- I think I hareco...I think I hareco...I think I har...
I think I h....

sambycat said...

i was excited to see that crazy crunchy purse cake featured amongst such wreckiness today! had to blog about it:
http://lisafarry.wordpress.com/2009/05/08/im-so-excited/

and i enjoy the haiku commentary!

Tlou said...

I SO want that 'Mother of the Universe' cake for Mother's Day!! Hopefully my husband or son are reading... hahaha... get me that cake! I mean, just lookit all that nasty airbrushing rainbow puke with matching sprinkles!! That makes me so happy! LOL!!! But I wonder if it'd be safe to eat that when pregnant???? errrr!

Anonymous said...

jen..

maybe we can get a letter writing campaign to outlaw the cup cake cake!!!! Years ago they passed a law to make it illegal to carry an ice cream cone in your pocket.. CCC are far more dangerous than concealed ice cream!!

Anonymous said...

Please please please do a Mother of the Universe Apron!!!!
Thanks
Mama Michelle

Passion Fruit said...

That CCC is horrific!
And Two old mothers cake has made me smile!

WV: lostive - The state of being for the maker of the CCC.

Melissa (& Billy) said...

Okay, I take back what I said about disliking airbrushed cakes. That rainbow one is awesome!

The rest are...Well, at least a mom would like them. Because moms are good like that.

DangGina said...

Isn't it especially fun when "decorators" take creative liberty in what the cake should SAY? CLassy, really.

Oh. And I'm super glad you told me that the purse is a purse; I scratched my head in wonder for a while there...of COURSE it's a purse...

Angie said...

I bet the cookie wreck was supposed to be for a sports event of some type, but it was a last minute purchase, so they just wrote "Mom" on the cheerleader.

That's what I'm hoping, anyhow.

Anonymous said...

Anyone else seeing the Lip Plumper ad next to the "muppet" cake???

Kristin aka kjnohr aka Trekkie Gal said...

Not only does that weird face not have a nose, its lips are upside down!

Michelle S. said...

Wow! Lookit the sprinkles on that purse cake. I can just hear someone yelling "I've run out of sprinkles! Someone crack open another bulk sprinkle bucket!" And is that really a pipe-cleaner handle? Really? ahahahaha

mGk said...

I'd say that CCC looks more like a couple of tape worms... eeewww!

PerkinsClan said...

The purse looks like one of those posters where you have to cross your eyes to see the 3-d image pop out.

Justi said...

Hilarious, as usual! TFS!

Laura said...

My assumption on the x-long tube socks is that they tried to do banners like on tattoos or perhaps something classier. But nonetheless, resembles giant tapeworms.

craig said...

the "albino snakes" are clearly tapeworms. duh!

Bead Up said...

The scarf one could also be tissue paper with fancy icing ribbon at the end? Yes?

Oh... no :(

Anonymous said...

Hee. Thanks for the credit (blame?), Nakia. Haha.
I had tried to comment quickly to point out the typo before too many saw it.
It drives me crazy when people are all snotty about Jen making a typo. We all make mistakes, even wonderful proofreading husbands!
Sorry you had to take the fall for me, Haiku Joy! I also love reading your posts. Very nice. I had taken a break from reading comments when they went through a clueless pahse a while back. So your contributuons were a nice surprise and I look forward to them.

Back to the cakes! Omg. That universe one would make a funky t-shirt, but I wouldn't want to eat it.
The scarves and the muppet bird lips leave me speechless!!

Alex

~ L. K. said...

Anther is another name for a stamen (or rather part of it). If you think of it that way, it's sort of an insult. Stamens are sort of the guy part of flowers.

Anonymous said...

Okay. I can shed some light on the weird "sweatsock" cakes.

Those are hugs. What you do to send a hug to someone who you can't hug right NOW is to lie down on a piece of long paper, and trace around your arms, drawing your hands at the ends, and joining it up in the middle (where your body would be.)

You cut this out and send it to them, with the instruction to wrap it around themselves for a hug from you, or to keep it for the same reason. They'll always have a hug from you, sort of thing. It's a sappy child thing.

So these cakes are 'hugs' from someone to someone else. Even though you can't wrap them around yourself, the thought it there.

Trish said...

I love the two old mother's cake. I lol-ed!! Bwahaahaa!

That rainbow nightmare cake is giving me a splitting headache...ugh!

I personally think that CCC (patooey!!) is the biggest wreck yet!

:Candice: said...

::slaps forehead:: wow

and my word verification is: retaro

Susan H said...

These are hilarious!

Am I the only one that thought of Senor Wences instead of a muppet cake?

Anonymous said...

That was a shock cut, scrolling down from flowery-written-on wrecks to the "patently bizarre" birdie-faced-upside-down-lips cake. The shock cut worked.

[Stops. *Snort.* Laughs so hard that eyes close & she can't see the keyboard] Ahem, the objects on the old mother cake at first glance appeared to be upside-down bunches of grapes, but I figured it out: they're squiggles.

-- La

steeple333 said...

I love that rainbow cake so much! Mostly because the bright (psychedelic) colors and mention of the universe makes me think of Katamary Damacy.

linoleum said...

The second to last one makes me think of those puppets (or whatever you call it) you make with your hand where the thumb is the bottom lip and you make lips & eyes with a marker...Senor Wences-style.

Anonymous said...

Love that the first one is from Kroger! Go Cincinnati! Wait a minute....

Haiku Joy said...

Succulent Muppet!
Perhaps a World of Goo girl
in covert cake form?

Regina said...

I thought of that "hug" thing when I saw the Giant Banner Tapeworm Sweatsock Bear-Arms--but they weren't connected, and furthermore who on earth could hug themselves with cake? (Unless they owned a dry-cleaning business...)

lovetheliz said...

Ya know that "purse" cake is pretty bad BUT I would gladly scrap all the sprinkles off the icing and just eat that ;)

Ya can't go wrong with being heavy handed with the sprinkles!

Anonymous said...

You all can't recognize a "Jimmie Chew" purse when you see it??

Nakia said...

Oh Alex, it was said with perhaps a hint of blame to it ;). But I see you meant it in a lighthearted way and not a snotty one. I too have been frustrated by comments lately. But there are still plenty great ones who make it worth wading through the aggravating stuff :D.

jmladow said...

That "purse" cake, or whatever it was supposed to be, was an atrocity!

Oh, how I love cakewrecks! You make my days better...every day!


<3 Jessica
www.wildwackyweb.blogspot.com

mel said...

I'm pretty sure that a sandwich with a few blue roses plopped on top is the centerpiece of that CCC. Mmmmmm... smelly socks and sandwiches. That's appropriate for a mom, for sure.

Nini said...

First time poster...the "two old mother" made me damage my keyboard with diet coke (it also went up my nose!) Never again will I open Cakewrecks while drinking.

Hyena Overlord said...

Why exactly do Mom's look forward to Mother's Day? Anyone receiving these cakes will probably be using correction fluid to obliterate Mother's Day of calendars in the house.

wv..hofsxyma....another misspelling suitable for topping a Mother's Day cake.

Anonymous said...

Go Fight Win! == Edna Mode.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eLDWhn8HZfY

The dress colors seem to be reversed though...

hollyml said...

Am I the only one who thinks the CCC is funereal? It reminds me of those memorial floral wreath arrangements with big imprinted ribbons across them.

It's, you know, poorly executed. But that IS what it looks like.

Kaysha said...

I'm really disturbed, frightened, even of the sprinkle-overload on the purse cake. Like it is going to sprout pipecleaner legs and start coming for me *shudder*.

VeggieT said...

I wonder if those sprinkles represent the millions of people you can call on the verizon network for free? or the thousands of cake wreck readers? hmm....

W.V. Ateleur
E.G. The word verifications give me ateleur to use them in real sentences

Sarah said...

The cake that says, "Go! Fight! Win!" is actually a quote from The Incredibles. Great idea, but poorly done! :-)

tinysagittarian said...

I didn't know what to get my mom for Mother's Day until I saw that CCC. A Wacky Waving Inflatable Arm Flailing Tube Man is just the thing!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=onZHpGYFPls

Claire Marie said...

I had a wreck "featured" a while back and in my flurry of finals and school I didn't realize it had gone up. So commenting on a post dated back in December (http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/2008/12/wedding-wrecks.html) wouldn't get me anywhere, so I thought I'd just explain a bit about the wreck here.

I'm "Claire G." so the middle cake is "mine". Firstly, it was a bridal shower cake, not a wedding cake (so no, no shotgun wedding because you saw paper napkins). My best friends new initials were to be M.K.S. so that was the point of the cake for the shower (so no, I didn't put Martha Stewart's initials on a cake, and no neither I nor the cake are fake). The middle initial was indeed supposed to be larger because its a last name.

ALSO, I could not have been more detailed in my e-mails back and forth with the baker. I asked over and over if she could replicate this. Over and over her reply was "of course". I was planning a shower from 1200 miles away so seeing her portfolio was out of the question. Her online work wasn't bad, but I thought what I was asking for was so simple (I even linked her to the directions for that cake!)that there could be no issues.

I was too busy to pick up the cake myself so I sent my grandparents the night before with a check. They didn't tell me this until I unpacked the leaning tower of pisa the next morning, but when my grandpa got to the bakers house she had them come late at night and wouldn't let them into house even to see it. Thank God I didn't go, because we would have had a disaster of an argument on our hands.

Of course my check was cashed by her IMMEDIATELY. I figured what was done was done and even though I only wanted a beautiful, unique cake for my best friend, sometimes the best of intentions aren't good enough realized.

The upside was it was a very good tasting cake. It was lemon which was not asked for or even mentioned in our convos, but hey, I don't hate lemon and neither did most of our guests.

I was searching for a deal, and yeah, I guess I "got what I paid for". But I really did try.

(sorry to place this in a totally unrelated post, but hey, I had to say something somewhere. forgive me)

Beki said...

I totally came to comment that it is the World of Goo girl, and I see that someone else agrees! She's just a little flattened.

holly said...

Sometimes I know exactly how the decorators must feel. You get this great idea in your head, know just how you want it to look - 'Yeah, a centerpiece of roses with some softly waving scrolls framing it' - and you go for it. Only the execution doesn't work like you saw it in your head....but now you've gotta put it out there on the shelves because you need t fill them.

I've had a few things turn out like that. Our senior year Homecoming float is one of the biggies.

gamingkitty said...

These cakes make me glad Mom can't deal with that much sugar these days.

blissfully caffeinated said...

No words for the purse cake.

Scott said...

I checked online, and it would appear that those scarf-y, snake-y things are indeed Fallopian Tube socks for Mother's Day. Glad to help.

Me said...

Wow, the face cake looks JUST LIKE my mom!! What artistry!!

Anne Hawkins said...

The bizarre CCC - I think it's supposed to resemble one of those "MOM" tattoos... even the most well-intentioned CCCs are still doomed to failure I suppose.

Lizzi K. said...

I thought it said "love to two old mattress'" and I am not sure if that would be worse.

Pooja said...

I'm afraid to say this...but I think the albino cakes are scarves.

Jessie said...

The really sad thing is the decorated mother's day cookie...i saw the same "decoration" on two different cookies at two different cookie sellers(to be left unnamed to protect the innocent) Both had the crazy stickfigure with the triangle dress as "mom" on the front. And the cookie booths were in the same mall!

twinklescrapbooks said...

The muppet cake! Ahhh! I would love to see those lips on cookie monster. lol!
:) tina

Anonymous said...

LOL @ the grandmother's cake. Reminds me of my 16th birthday cake, my best friend and I celebrated together since her birthday is only 2 weeks before mine. It was supposed to say "Happy Birthday Rachel and Carson" but instead it said "Happy Birthday Rachel Carson". Apparently they thought we were the writer who died however long ago. D'oh!

brownbear said...

If I saw that head cake in the store, I would have to buy it. Then I would have to throw a party so that all my friends could come over and laugh with me. I am really serious. I keep it around until it started to go bad just so it could give me a good laugh when I looked at it.

Lakota said...

Is it just me, or does the "free-floating bear arms" say "We love you Moms"?

Missie said...

Happy Mother's Day, Mom. I love you so much, I had them make a cake resembling your large intestine. Out of cupcakes.

Amy said...

My husband took one look at the scary face cake and said, "That cake has Fetal Alcohol Syndrome."