Monday, April 27, 2009

The Twilight of Our Discontent

Monday, April 27, 2009

Unless you've lived under a rock for the past year or so, you know about the vampire lust phenomenon that is Stephenie Meyer's Twilight series. Naturally, it was only a matter of time before a bakery, in an attempt to appeal to the "I'll buy anything with Edward Cullen on it" crowd, decided to recreate the iconic book cover on a cake.

So here's the cover:



Aaaand here's the cake:



I'll give you a moment.

[whistling]

Ready? Back in your chair? Good.

Now, can I appreciate the irony of a vampire cake that sucks?

Of course I can.

Do I mind that the apple is now a red bell pepper?

Nah, not so much.

Would I still like to know what the Wreckerator was smoking when s/he made those flabby-yet-disjointed amoeba arms?

[nodding] Yes, yes I would.


Kelly L., I know you have a stake in this, so I hope you won't be cross when I say looking at this bite-sized sucker is making me downright batty.

[bowing] That's five! Five puns! Mwah-ah-ah!
«Oldest   ‹Older   1 – 200 of 231   Newer›   Newest»
Ophelia said...

I'm not sure which makes me wanna hurl more, the books themselves or this cake, ha ha (sorry, I shouldn't editorialise, but the books really are trash. Not that there's anything wrong with that!! Trash has its place in the annals of literature. Note that I was careful to spell annals correctly).

WV: hymeno

o.O

Cheryl said...

The puns? They were the wind beneath my wings! The cake? Sucked! (See what I did there?)

Judy said...

Ick! And just how many bottles of black food coloring did they have to put in the icing? That would be so awful!

DangGina said...

Although I'm one of, like, 8 women in America who doesn't care mightily about the Twilight books, that doesn't mean I don't think this cake was very poorly done. I mean, it's just...BAD. Those snake arms are really...something else.

Tana said...

This cracks me up!!!

Abby said...

hahahahahahaha.

Anonymous said...

This has to be some of your most clever comment-writing to date.

Without your explanation, I would have thought the arms belonged to a deflated blow-up doll.

alison said...

I bow to a master punster!

With all the wiggliness in those arms, I thought I was looking at a CCC.

Nichole said...

HAHAHAHAHAHA. That's amazing. I love how the arms are so veiny and shriveled.

Shelley said...

Love it! Hahaha!

Anonymous said...

Woo hoo hoo, hee hee! Those appendages look like my grandmother's gnarley feet cradling a--yes, a red bell pepper.

bella1021 said...

that is disgusting... love it!

Ashley said...

Wow. Now, I'm all for people giving something the good old college try...but some stones should be left unturned.

Anonymous said...

Kudos on the puns.

All I can say about the cake is, "Wow."

Tina said...

Oh, my! That is one disturbing cake. Those arms, ewwww! They look like they smell.

Charly said...

The puns...BRILLIANT!!! The cake...YIKES!

The Courteous Chihuahua said...

Holy mother of pearl...I had a flashback to this!

Drawn to Caricature said...

You know I painted some arthritic hands, just like those on the cake, a few weeks ago as part of a painting of images depicting human suffering!!!
I obviously live on a different planet as I've never heard of the book, anyone else from Zurg?

Kamity said...

The cake reminds me a lot more of Snow White than the Twilight cover ...

Elizabeth said...

Love. it.

Rachel T. said...

My 5 y.o. daughter would definitely enjoy your impression of The Count from Sesame Street. As for me, I thought it was all quite punny.

Jaye said...

My question is "Who buys these cakes?"....seriously....ugh

Anonymous said...

...Well! I can certainly say how many Twihards are going to flock here and ogle and shriek about this Wreck. XD

JAMIE'S CREW said...

EEEwwwwww!!!! That is awful. I think that looks like a womans legs up in stirrups and blood.....need I say more? Very poorly done!

Half Assed Kitchen said...

I know nothing about Twilight (thankfully), but I do know that this cake is suckola.

Angie (from over at www.HalfAssedKitchen.com)

Valerie said...

You would think that MAYBE it would occur the wreckerator to do a VERTICAL design to match the orientation of the book.

I contend, when I see something like this, that the "artist" is someone who normally stocks the shelves at the grocery stores and got promoted to the bakery.

XOXO said...

Maybe stick-figure arms would have worked better.

And that's a lot of black icing.

It kind of hurts my feelers.

WV: manipess.
Yes. Yes they are.

The Nina said...

haha the cake sucks as much as the series!! xD

Anonymous said...

I know they're trying to make it look like the cover, but who wants to eat that much black frosting? I can just imagine the color that turns your intestines!

B said...

I'm a fan of the twilight ads now on the site. Oh google, you're hilarious.

Kathryn said...

Those arms look like the foot binding cake!

Jess said...

What I want to know is, why did they make the cake horizontal instead of vertical - you know, like a book cover. Maybe the arms could have stretched out instead of crumpling into a pile.

Persnickety Ticker said...

::following behind Jen with my little drum where ever she goes::

BaDumBumpChink!

Jess said...

Oh, also I'm definitely telling my sister to check out this wreck. She's loves the twilight series.
She swears to me that lots of adults read these books.

MeghanJG said...

Gah! How many brushings would it take to scrub all that black icing off your teeth??

Jade said...

I literally gasped out loud and covered my mouth with my hand. My boss probably thinks something terrible happened in my family.

Megan said...

I'm glad to know I'm not the only woman out there who isn't obsessed with Twilight. And this cake just gives me more reason to not like it.
An aside--Cake Wrecks was mentioned on a blog on MSNBC today. Awesome! http://testpattern.msnbc.msn.com/

Etiquette Bitch said...

okay, i'm so off topic, but i'd feel mean putting this on yesterday's post -- can i just say i think "smash cakes" are the dumbest thing? when we were kids, the kid blew out the candles (or adults helped), and your mom gave you a slice -- no smashing or smooshing in the face needed. it just seems like a ridiculous piece of theater, with no point. i've never seen a kid willfully smash a cake. stick finger in frosting, yes; smash, no.

and today? i was also thinking "red bell pepper."

April said...

Ok, so maybe I'm one of the few people who's a fan of the Twilight series. Fan, not addict, thanks. But that cake is just horrifying. If you hadn't told me it was supposed to be a Twilight cake, I probably woulda guessed.......well I don't know what I woulda guessed, but it definately wouldn't have been Twilight.

beryl said...

Please count me in the group that can't stand this series either, as well as this cake.

WV: banic

This series and all cakes that pay homage should be banicced!

Carmen said...

What the........??!!

That seems to be my response to most wrecks posted! LOL!!!

WTH is that??!!

*shaking head*

Anna said...

This Twilight Fan is crying....how could they wreck that cover so badly?

drgns4vr said...

I vote with the folks who thought it looked more like feet than arms. I haven't read Twilight the series), nor do I intend to since vampromance isn't my genre of choice, but even the worst of books deserves a better cake than this.

Amy said...

The books are not trash. They're wholesome, without any gratuitous sex, and a good read. If they're 'trash', they'd have not become the phenomenon they are.

The cake on the other hand, is trash.
~Amy B.

Mella said...

real vampires don't sparkle
Edward is an abusive jerk and
Bella's not too bright

The cake fits perfectly

Valinda said...

You know some 13 yr old out there begged her mom to buy that cake, poor mom.

Anonymous said...

Maybe the arms are supposed to be the "after all the blood was sucked from the body" version?

Emerald76 said...

*gasp*

Laura said...

OMG, the flabby amoeba arms comment just about made me spit out my drink. Great writing, Jen!

Trevor said...

On the plus side, they did get a nice lovely black on the icing, which we both know can be a challenge.

I thought the apple looked more like a chili now instead of a red pepper, but I can see that too.

Those arms though.....

sendingtheclowns said...

So, what's all the fuss about? Is this series about vampires? Werewolves? Apples as a vision supplement in one's twilight years?
Maybe someone will be kind enough to clue me in, as I am not a member of the Trendy Fad Book (or tv show, fashion, hairstyle, or cause) of the Month Club.
And I agree: that is most definitely a red pepper!
Wonder how it got stuck in that person's apparently very-diseased pelvic bones?! Huh.
=^??^=

Cat said...

Wow, you slay me.

:)

Alice said...

Don't get me started on the issues I have with the twilight series. My fried made me read ALL OF THEM.

I find the cake extremley wrecky (even though the cover design of the books are actually quite good, but in fairness I have to point out that hands are hard to draw and must be ever harder to pipe.

Of course there are a million ways to do it so you don't have to pipe the arms with no guidlines, but then they wouldn't acheive the same standard of wreckiness.

desibarbossa said...

This might have been the work of an overzealous Twilight fan who was a little new in the bakery.

The beauty of it ended up being that the horribleness of this cake reflects the series perfectly ;-)

Sharon said...

My high school art teacher said hands and feet are the hardest thing to get right - if you can accurately draw your hands and feet, you can draw anything.

A recognizable apple, however, shouldn't be especially difficult...

MalMal said...

wv: marldsw. Definition of what happened to those arms.

I must be Twilight non-lover #9. I can't comment on how well written they are, as I've never picked one up to actually read it. I just know that it's one of the most trite storylines I've heard about since Dick and Jane Go to the Park. Except that Dick and Jane are *supposed* to be trite. And this is coming from someone who *did* like Anne Rice's Vamp books.

ashleyalvina said...

I'm 25 and LOVED the books (and can't even count the number of adults I know who've read and loved it!). I read the entire series in under 4 days! Like it or not, Stephenie Meyer is a genius (oh she isn't? did YOU write a best selling novel that swept up an entire generation/nation? no? that's what I thought)

That being said.
This cake is HORRIBLE.
Laughable, but completely hideous. I'm beginning to wonder if some of these wreckerators are working blindfolded.

Amanda said...

Nice pun-age! Too bad none of those puns have anything to do related to the Twilight vampires, but good job anyways!! :)

Kate said...

More like the Twilight Zone methinks...

Jennifer said...

I believe this is the most horrible copy I've seen since I started reading Cake Wrecks. I think she should sue for copywright infringement or something. Can she do that?

mai said...

To the Courteous Chihuahua...what the #$@^%$ was that? As to the "cake" I HATE TWILIGHT since I was caught in the middle of a tween frenzie when the dvd came out in the bookstore and they had a party. Ugh! tweens should not be seen or heard after dark.

Judy said...

To Amy:

When did vampires become wholesome????

0 said...

ashleyalvina said:
"...Like it or not, Stephenie Meyer is a genius (oh she isn't? did YOU write a best selling novel that swept up an entire generation/nation? no? that's what I thought)"

There's a difference between quantity and quality, you know. Also, you suck at logic.

I feel the cake perfectly represents the horrible, horrible abomination to literature and mankind known as Twilight.

Bonnie said...

Other Twilight cakes (mixed good and bad)--http://www.sweetaustin.com/BreakingDawn.html, http://cowcakecreations.blogspot.com/2009/01/twilight-cake.html, http://www.afterthebite.com/2510820.

Mixtape Anthems said...

Why do I love this blog? Because two minutes ago I read James' story and cried (yes, here in my office), and then I scroll up and see this beauty and laughed my butt off. Fantastic.

Kelsey said...

This definitely makes my monday!

-Kelsey
http://insertidiomhere.blogspot.com

TB Tabby said...

Black icing...geez. Seeing black icing reminds me of the time by printer's ink cartridge ruptured and the ink oozed out in a coagulated blob. It does not whet my appetite.

As for Twilight...it only took one paragraph for me to realize how crappy it was.

Kathryn H said...

Oh, ...ick. I think childbirth is beautiful, but I don't want to see it on a cake. Am I the only one who sees "human birthing red bell pepper"? Push it back in.

PerkinsClan said...

At least they spelled Twilight right, eh?

Becky said...

Y'all should read Twilight before you knock it. They really are amazing books...and quite addicting. The cake? Not so much...

Annie said...

I usually read your blog from my handy dandy Google Reader but I absolutely had to commend you on your five-punned sentence. HURRAH!! :) Keep wrecking it up!

Laurel said...

My first reaction? Is that creature (blanking his name.. darn you brain!) from the Goonies holding the... you're right, Bell pepper?

Laurel said...

Sloth! The creatures name was Sloth!

*head desk*

Brain Picker said...

So much for the covers being the only good things about the books. What's with those arms?

Anonymous said...

I don't condone the use of that edible film with pictures on it (CHEESY), but in this case, they should have just taken a photo of the dumb book and placed it on a plain cake! I love cake, but I don't think I'd even eat this one...

Anonymous said...

W-O-W!

Anonymous said...

Urgh. That actually pained me.

Erica said...

A cake that's as bad as the books and movie. Bravo.

woofless said...

I've never been more pleased with my current "under-the-rock" lifestyle than I am today. The first time I really heard of "Twilight" was 2 weeks ago when my friend (CSM at walmart) told me about the crowds & fights they had when...a book? Or something...Twilight-related, was released recently. I had to go home & Google it to find out what it was.

The books? I'm not even close to being interested. The cake? Almost looks NSFW. Looks like the natural sequel to the "pregnant tummy cake" a few months later....

NotABaker said...

That cake is the blackest kind of bakery blasphemy.

(Yes I read the damn books)

Anonymous said...

Knocked Up: The Cake

Meg said...

There's a Twilight ad running along the right side of this blog post (at least there was when I opened it).



HAHAHAHAHHA

Great entry. Gross arms.

NYU Mary-Sue said...

I laughed. So hard. In class! Your fault! Kukukuku.

Shel said...

Oh and jet black icing too. It probably tasted delicious - I'm guessing somewhere between ball bearing grease and drano.

Anonymous said...

Nice to see I wasn't the only one thinking those arms looked more like legs, with the apple/pepper located....well, we all saw the picture. Nasty, in so many senses!

Becca

sunnydazemakemesparkle said...

Found it awfully funny to find this cake here and at a twilight blog...at the same time.

I agree that it is so sucky it almost looks like it's a CCC.

and maybe just maybe they were going for the "blood sucked out already" look...

I loved the series and I know that SM isn't that great an author but the story can suck you in.

I always appreciate a great wreck especially when it's all about a subject I have an interest in!

Angie said...

That's just wrong. On many levels.

Katie H. said...

I was afraid when I saw the topic today because I had to do a Twilight cake for a customer a few months ago. Thank God it wasn't my cake that was on here! As soon as I saw what they wanted I said "I hope they don't expect it to look like the cover". I had to trace it from a projector onto a sheet cake (vertical, thank you very much) and then use gel and airbrushing. It turned out ok, especially now that I've seen this one! And yes, it is copywright infringement. I don't understand the wavy arms; just make them shorter. I didn't read the books although my 14 yr old niece loves them; I did see the movie unfortunately and it was horrible. Horrible. I don't understand the obsession with this series.

Megan said...

Am I the only one who thinks the arms look like amputated feet? Geeze.

unstoppable.zanmato said...

Sorry guys, I don't think a book with such an amazing amount of purple prose can be called quality literature! And this goes for Twilight AND Anne Rice novels. :p

The cake... even the worst book doesn't deserve that!

Sheri said...

BAaaaaahaha!!! You're so right about the red bell pepper...and we won't even go there on those scary, liquidy-looking arms

WM said...

WOW...that's...um... really a lot of black frosting...

Jen, your scary laugh is actually starting to scare me ;o)

WV: dizippla...a nervous disorder exhibited by the Wreckerator of this cake...I think that 'splains it.

Scritzy said...

Thumbs up on the puns!

As for the cake — just expose it to sunlight and put it out of its misery.

Expat Mom said...

I have to say, the main reason the arms suck is because they seem to have attempted to make the thumbs go above the apple. I`m sure the cake would have just fine if they`d actually followed the book cover. . . . or not. :)

Dea said...

Just because someone doesn't like a book doesn't mean it's trash, ya know....

I read and write historical romance novels for the most part, and most people make fun of the genre. Know what? a dag lot of work and research and creativity go into them. Just as with any book with any substance. I'm not talking bodice rippers or ones without any value to the written word.

Stephanie Meyer has one thing going for her - she's gifted in the art of description. Her characters and scenes come alive. If you don't like the story, so what? So it's not your thing. At least appreciate the fact that maybe, just maybe, you like a different genre that someone else might call "trash" for no other reason than they didn't like it or thought they wouldn't.

I thought I'd dislike these books. I was pleasantly surprised, much as I was with Rowling's works.

They're written for YOUNG people. Get a grip. They're supposed to be set in that mindset. Sure I don't agree with all of it - but I can appreciate a work of art without agreeing with all of it.

Just as with this blog - those who dislike it could call it "trash" or be mean about it - and they'd be wrong, correct?? Because just because you dislike something or don't agree with it doesn't mean it's wrong or useless.

At the very least, Twilight series got teenagers reading - OBSESSIVELY.

As for the cake - um, hmmm....is it abstract art, perhaps???

CaliGirl9 said...

Black icing, a bell pepper, and skin removed from a tummy tuck.

Dee-licious. NOT.

My 20-something daughter actually knows of people who are currently in Vancouver BC (specifically Surrey) who have searched for the current filming sites, who hang out in Vancouver bars and restaurants looking for the actors, and who own several copies of the DVD—because there were different contents/features of the DVD when purchased from different outlets.

Yes I've read them and I am gobsmacked at how stupid the character of Bella is. She sets teenage girls/all women back 50 years with her stupidity and definition of what "love" is! I kept hoping someone would bite her and put ME out of my misery!

maggisaar said...

Ha! That cake is almost as bad as the books.

Almost.

In fact the cake is better than the books.

the three amigos said...

I want to see the teeth and mouth of the person who eats a piece of that cake with solid black frosting.

cygirlkat said...

If I had a quarter for every child, tween and adult who has checked out the books from our library over the last year or so....

Haven't heard anything about them that really makes me want to try them, although I'm amused at the description of polite, wholesome young vampires(huh, might have been better friends than a lot of the folk in my high school ;) )

Anyway, this rendition is truly shudder-worthy. I cringed at the gnarled appendages and the thought of how long it would take *that* much black dye to leave your system.

Vampire puns FTW!

jujubee said...

@ Becky:
Why assume that those that knock on it have not read it?
All those who I know that dislike the books, have read at least one of the books. Sorry, but the dislike comes from the books actually being crappy.

And that cake is terrible. I feel for whoever thinks they need to buy it....or eat it for that matter.

Now You Know said...

Oh wow, I could make a better cake... and that's not saying much!

Melanie said...

I'm saying it's a Van Gogh take-off on the book cover... very artsy, yes?

Elaine said...

oh my, I love the Twilight books but there isn't enough money to get me to sink my teeth into this cake. It must have been made to repel Vamps, not to entice them. At least make it look faily human if you must recreate a bookcover.

Sara said...

Wow, that cake is almost as bad as the Twilight books themselves...

Kitten said...

Maybe that's not really a representation of the Twilight cover. Maybe it's a representation of Renesmee's birth in Breaking Dawn. (If you have no idea what I'm talking about, consider yourself lucky.)

lyndsay said...

YES!!! more twilight wrecks please!!!

Haiku Joy said...

Copyright issues?
Not with those jellied arms - it's
slapstick parody!

The Archduchess said...

Punny!

Quel humour... mordant!

ashleyalvina said...

"O"

Call it flawed logic if you want to, but it's really a moot point.

Next time, I invite you to attach your name when you insult strangers for liking something you don't. Anonymity is a real safe place, ain't it?

ashley

Brittany said...

Sweet sweet irony. Like the books (and the movie), this cake is a good idea poorly executed.

Anonymous said...

"Here, honey! I got a "Twilight" cake for your birthday!"

"Yeah, Mom, I've always wanted a black frosted cake with an albino octopus's tentacles holding a squashed tomato. Gee, thanks."

--Blue Jean

Kels said...

Hey! The cake's just like the books! Wrecktastic!

I will admit to reading them, and relate them to Twinkies and trainwrecks- they have no substance (well, the Twinkies, at least), are bad for you, but you just can't look away from the carnage.

Sexy Witch said...

I am sooo glad I am not the only one that cant stand the series. If you want to read a great vampire series, try the queen of vampire novels Anne Rice or if you want a more contemporary series try Maggie Shayne.

Anyways the cake is awful and it just adds to my displeasure about the series.

Anonymous said...

Twilight? I thought it was a Simpsons cake featuring Grandpa Simpson offering a salad ingredient.

Marissa A. said...

Wow, that cake is totally disgusting! Great job with the puns though!

I'm happy to add myself to the list of women who haven't read Twilight, and don't ever plan to. In my opinion it isn't the sucky sounding plot that makes these books annoying--as I don't really have problem with reading delightfully bad romance, even of the teen variety--but rather how obsessed the fans are. I have a cousin who is one of the obsessed fans. She wasn't much of a reader before, but now she refuses to read anything but Twilight, and she's read them all multiple times. Scary, huh? She also tries to convince everyone else to read the books, and she even tried to convince her sister to name her baby after a character from the book.

One last thing, did anyone else hear about sparkly vampires and think, "Wow, I didn't know those books were about gay vampires."?

Jennifer said...

What goes better with a dark, brooding vampire theme? Why cutesy, cheerful little dotty lettering, of course! (The heck???)

cottonlily said...

Fan of the series, yes.

This sad excuse for a cake, not hardly! How could you gag down something that looked that bad???

mandy_Reeves said...

@kitty....YES! I was just about to mention Reneseme! I have to admit that breaking dawn was cringe-worthy, but still so bad it was good. The whole series is cringe-worthy but still a fun read for a whole weekend(yes that's all it takes is one weekend of being cooped up with seasonal allergies...to read the whole series). Let me tell ya though....If you look up Twilight and fanfic ....wholesome goes right out the window!

Anonymous said...

Ahaha, I don't know what's worse. The books or the cake.

Anonymous said...

"Eighty Year Old Woman Give Birth To Bell Pepper...exclusive photos only on cakewrecks!"

~Gwen B.

Anonymous said...

That much black icing frightens me. My sister made me some music note cookies once, with black frosting on sugar cookies. Can we say green poo for days? Ugh....

Agree with the comment that the books are like a train wreck. They aren't really that well written...yet I was compelled to read them all this past summer. The thing is, she had some good story ideas, but every time I thought "oh, this would be GREAT" she left that to side-note filler. It's good idea, bad execution basically.

toyboxgreatone said...

I HAVE SEEN THE LIGHT! AND THE LIGHT SAYS TWILIGHT SUCKS! *Gets sucked into the light to read good literature and eat cake*

the Octo Girlie said...

I bow before your superior skills of punnery.

Laci said...

The puns were fantastic! And I think the saddest part is that the wreckerator didn't even get the font remotely, even a tiny bit, correct.

Anonymous said...

It was decorated by Vincent Van Gogh! It's all wobbly and impressionistic in a bizzare sort of way.

rosenskimmer said...

This cake makes me want to throw up a little bit. But, then again, so do the books. Maybe it's not a coincidence?

Meyer just proves that you don't need to actually have talent to make millions, you just need to know how to manipulate the insecure teenage girl hiding in everyone. That's not genius, IMHO.

And neither is this cake. WTF with black frosting? Yuck!

ComfyDenim said...

Excellent Punnage!!!
Brava!!

Mandee said...

Um...why do cakes always have to be decorated "landscape"? If the decorator would have turned the cake long ways, she could have made the arms longer and the apple rounder. That's what I'm just going to keep telling myself anyway.

Little Lovables said...

I admit I do love Twilight, but this cake, not so much!

Mira8 said...

I thought it looked like a uterus, but on second glance, yeah, that's a bell pepper.

(and yes, the books are bad but in a hilarious way. I plan to finish them at the beach this summer.)

Laura said...

Actually, I think that cake is an excellent visual representation of the literary quality of the books.

Yep. They're that bad.

On a side note, the other day my husband and I rode the 101 loop, which goes through Forks, WA. I knew we were approaching Forks before I ever saw the sign, because businesses started to have references to Twilight several miles out of town.

"Edward Cullen did not sleep here," at a motel.

"Bella drinks orange crush!" at a mini-mart.

Once in town, there's even a Twilight store. They apparently sell Twilight books and memorabilia. I suppose the lure is that you can buy the books and memorabilia IN Forks? Because, omg, Bella lives there!

n said...

My friend linked me to just the picture of the cake at first. Had it not been for the word "Twilight" at the bottom, I would've so thought it was some deformed genitalia or something equally awkward to be on a cake. That's not even meant to be rude, it's just the first thing I saw.

Yay puns.

Anonymous said...

maybe they should've done it vertically :/

Justin Lockwood said...

I'm with Ophelia and DangGina: an awful cake befitting a truly awful book.

denisewalks said...

The cake and your comment made me LOL!

Laura said...

This cake bites...THEN it sucks.

Yuki said...

I know this is the internet, so you don't have to believe me when I say I am 17 and dislike Twilight with a passion. So these were almost knee-jerk reactions:

"Like it or not, Stephenie Meyer is a genius (oh she isn't? did YOU write a best selling novel that swept up an entire generation/nation? no? that's what I thought)"
So, what do you think about Stephen King (an extremely well-known "genius" writer) saying that she, ahem, "can't write worth a darn?" For that matter, are you a world-renowned cook? No? Does that mean you can't tell the difference between limp, soggy sandwiches and well-cooked gourmet food?

"They're written for YOUNG people. Get a grip. They're supposed to be set in that mindset."
I'm sorry, but I would like to say that that comment hurts me and says a lot about how bad my generation must be. Wow. I feel even worse for our children/your grandchildren.

"At the very least, Twilight series got teenagers reading - OBSESSIVELY."
I guess it's better than not reading Twilight 24704723814392 times.

Anyway, forget the teeth and gums. Anyone else think the person had black poo for a week? At least it's not sparkly poo.

WakeGrace said...

A. i just rolled off the bed

B. this is the most comments ive seen in awhile on a post.

C. i got into twilight before new moon even hit shelves. ( im an original fan) and ive been wanting to see twilight cakes for awhile. my curiosity has been satisfied and i never want to see another.

the arms will give me nightmares for weeks.

janet2buns said...

Square yards of black icing??? Imagine what your tongue and lips would look like after eating that.

Anonymous said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=celWfXjhc3Y

kind of interesting.

Anonymous said...

Maybe it's just because I'm expecting and I go to the OB/GYN a lot, but doesn't that kind of look like... well, um.... Maybe... uh, minutes after the baby is born?

Yeah, I went there.

It's all I see though! Welcome to my hell.

barbara said...

This looks more like the delivery of a red bell pepper.....eeewwwwww

Patricia said...

My first thoguht was that it looks like a uterus and Fallopian tubes! Ooh, the black teeth and tongues! Are the books trash or treasure??? I'd call them "junk food" - we all like it, but it's no good for a steady diet! (and yes, the series is disgusting!)

Curtis said...

LOL!

My wife is both a "Twilight" nut and an avid cake-baker. She's gonna love this! :-)

Anonymous said...

why are the arms all veiny?? thats very disturbing.

Mz. Cat said...

It looks like feet holding a red bell pepper!

Anonymous said...

I tuned hoping to see some Mother's Day wrecks... just hoping... hinting... nudging even, maybe!

Anonymous said...

this deserves no input from all twilight fans you know its a good im sorry the best story ever told no need to tell ppl who cant read how good a wast of your own breath move along if there wasnt any ppl who dont like twilight then we would all be smart and thats no fun so let there be idiots and let there be twilighters

Anonymous said...

the cake is gross tho some ppl should look at what there doing what a disgace to twilighters

Megan said...

OMG TRAINWRECK! I wouldn't have even thought those were arms if you hadn't said.

Hyena Overlord said...

"Now, can I appreciate the irony of a vampire cake that sucks?"

Oh and the puns...very punerffic!

Cake needs a stake driven through it's ermmm bell pepper. The burn the remains with all volumes of twilight ever published.

Plus the cover is a total look-a-like on totallylookslike.com, for a christian book.

Hyena Overlord said...

Oh I forgot...black icing..blue poo for everyone!

wv Proust...ahhh literary genius soiled by the presence of Twilight. My apologies Marcel Proust.

Kayla said...

My husband so graciously pointed out that if you look at it close enough, it looks like someone shoved a bell pepper up someone's backside. Nice.

Calantha said...

Oh gods as much as I think that series is a waste of paper........HOW COULD YOU INSULT THE COVER?? I don't care if it's attached to a bad book, at least have a cake rendering of such a lovely cover look nice! And just. . .*headdesk*

Anonymous said...

Twilight sucks, and it makes me angry that my age group is eating it up. This cake makes me want to stab my eyes out.

Arkansas Cyndi said...

My husband said those arms look like a pair of feet! LOL

So a pair of feet holding a red pepper...yeah, that says Twilight to me!

samantha said...

this deserves no input from all twilight fans you know its a good im sorry the best story ever told no need to tell ppl who cant read how good a wast of your own breath move along if there wasnt any ppl who dont like twilight then we would all be smart and thats no fun so let there be idiots and let there be twilightersLOL! If this is an example of how "smart" Twilighters are supposed to be, then I am so glad to be a so called "stupid" non fan.

I'm so glad that a Twilight wreck made it to Cake Wrecks!

MomofthePolka-DotPony said...

OMG - all that black icing!

as for Twilight, I prefer my vampires to ACT like vampires. Which means I want them to consume other humans. I don't want them to "fall in love" with dumb teenagers. If I wrote Twilight, Bella would either be dead or undead in the first 1/2 of the book. And my vampires would not sparkle.

Agatha said...

The cake is a wreck, no two ways about it.

I'm more disgruntled about is that there's this argument over how good/not good the books are and how lame the readers of said books are. I've read the books, they're definitely not the best literature I've ever read (of course that's just my opinion).

What should be a bigger concern is that young people are being bashed for being interested in books. Regardless of how irritating the whole fan base has become and how bad the books may or may not be, kids are reading and are actually excited about it. What would you rather them do? What power these books must have if the kids would much rather set down their video games and walk away from their computers to read a book.

Please forgive my digression, but I would go as far as to say that the books work to stimulate the economy. The Twilighters have to have not only all the books, but the calendar, the t-shirt, the jewelry, and multiple versions of the DVD. The books are being made into movies which give people jobs and support the Forks, WA area. The movies sell tickets and even more merchandise.

Whether the books and movies are good or not is not for me to say. But hey, if the kids want to read, then that's okay by me.

NYCGirl said...

"Dad? Can you pull over? I feel carsick."

As for Twilight, I haven't read the books. I don't know, I just don't get the vampire craze.

http://leastlikelytoblog.wordpress.com/

vanfox23 said...

OMG HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I am laughing so hard at this! I love it! That cake looks exactly how I feel about the books! I have not read them, but I love that cake! I would buy it!!!

BTW, Lestat would eat silly sparkling Edward for breakfast! (sorry just had to plug my favorite vampire!)

Bilby P. Dalgyte said...

HAHAHAHA! XD

I think it was made as some kind of sweet sweet revenge for some girl the cake maker knew going on and on about the absolute hotness of Edward :P

Maddy said...

Maybe through windscreen wipers.
Cheers

sendingtheclowns said...

Laura said...
"This cake bites...THEN it sucks."

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
PERFECT!!! LOLove that!
>^~~^<

Hayley said...

those are some very vein-y arms, too

April said...

Holy crap.

This is the first cake that has disturbed me enough to comment.

Ginger said...

I am a Twilight fan! Loved the books and the movie. Can't wait for New Moon's debut in theater in November. That being said, I decorate cakes. And while I'm no professional, I could have done TONS better than that!

Maggles said...

Oh, my. That is just bad. So bad.

*sigh*

But the puns restore my sense of happiness and well-being.

Anonymous said...

i dont see why everyone seems to be criticizing the cake.
whoever made it would have seen this as an achievement and im quite sure none of yous and me included could make a different one

Anonymous said...

it's more like a va-j-j after giving birth o_o

heather k said...

I am just wondering if it is a Red Velvet cake???

As for Twilight, I am 30 years old & am almost done with the 1st book. I love it! It IS more for a teenager, the no sex, alcohol, drugs thing, but I am now a FAN! AND I am reading my mother's copy! Hey, if it gets all those teanagers reading, instead of watching TV, I think it's great!!!
To all the idiots bashing Twilight lovers/haters...do you like every single thing your best friend likes? I think not. Do you bash them everytime they have an opinion? If so, you're not a great friend. Grow up & let others have their own opinions!

Brittany said...

A crappy cake for a crappy book... Appropriate!

azurelunatic said...

I'm with those who saw legs rather than arms. Unfortunately, I was reminded of the infamous claddagh cake.

I have read the Twilight books, and I had mixed impressions. On the one hand, the writing is technically well-done, and she has an eye for characterization and dialogue. On the other hand, the moment-to-moment life of a teenage girl, told in relentless first-person perspective, is not relished by large numbers of people who are not teenage girls.

Shel said...

I don't see much wrong with calling a spade a spade. Yes, people work hard and put a lot of creativity into their books. But let's be honest. Not every artist is a Picasso or a DaVinci. Many artists work just as hard and are perhaps even just as skillful, but they produce campy, contrived, hackneyed pieces that are meant to have commercial appeal and lure a certain segment of the population. Yes it's still art, technically. But a whole lot of it is trash art. And before you slam me for saying so, I happen to make a living producing trash art in the way of pinups and posters.

But I believe it's important to discern between good literature and trashy novels, fine art and trash art. There's no shame in loving trash, I certainly do. Just know the difference and don't elevate trash just because you happen to have a taste for it.

Anna said...

Sacrilege!

You know, I would like to see this cover reproduced by the person who did the French-flag-nails-alien-hand belly-cake. They seemed to have a pretty firm grip on vampire style and paleness. It should work out perfectly!

Congrats on the 5 puns. Aim for more next time!

Anonymous said...

I have two words for you:

Mormon. Vampires.

Fluffy Cow said...

Pun-O-Rama!

Julie said...

OMG--I completely go with the whoever called it "birthing a red pepper". I laughed so hard I thing I pulled something!

Judy said...

To Agatha:

Saying it doesn't matter what kids read as long as they read is like the mothers that say "let the kid eat candy all day , at least they're eating". As adults in our society we have a RESPONSIBILITY, yep I said it, a RESPONSIBILITY to feed our children and our youth the best there is, physically, emotionally, and spiritually in order to raise them up to be the best that they can be.
Whether or not the sales of such items "stimulates the economy" as you stated is a ridiculous rationalization. I would rather encourage the youth to become excited enough about something more edifying and "stimulate the economy" with purchases related to that.
We as the adults of the world do not have to just sit back and accept everything that interests children or youth. They are, after all, CHILDREN AND YOUTH, and DESERVE our guidance.

chefmom09 said...

vampires...ANNE RICE STYLE rock....these books and this cake..... FAIL!!

Hyena Overlord said...

Anonymous said "i dont see why everyone seems to be criticizing the cake.
whoever made it would have seen this as an achievement and im quite sure none of yous and me included could make a different one

April 28, 2009 3:18 AM"

It's cake wrecks. It's what we do. Check out the past posts and you'll see more terrible things done to body parts in the name of
cake.

Gary Oldman is my favorite vampire.

wv ingloomp. Someone who is ignorant (uneducated) to the existance of umpaloompa's(did I spell that right?)

Laurie said...

Wow, only 180 comments! Most Twilight yes or no boards have thousands. It's crazy to think that not liking the books (especially if you haven't read them) makes you cool, anymore than liking the books makes you uncool.

Margo said...

@Agatha - I don't think it is a question of 'bashing' people who like the books. I found 'Twilight' (I read that one, to see what the fuss is about - couldn't face any more) to be a 'trashy' book in the sense @Shel used that word - they are not, IMO great (or even very good) literature, but I wouldn't criticise anyone for liking 'trash' - I like certain types of 'trashy' novels, films etc myself.

I also don't have much of a problem with the fact that the books are not terribly well written, and, frankly, pretty predictable. I got bored with them very fast for those reasons, but not everyone has the same taste and that's fine.

The problem which I have with 'Twilight' (and my impression is that this is what bothers an awful lot of people) is the not-so-subtle subtext; the misogyny, the anti-feminism, the message to all those young girls and women reading that actually, an abusive relationship with someone how dominates you, isolates you from your friends and family and endangers you is the perfect love you should be looking for.

If you have ever had much do do with anyone who has suffered domestic abuse, you would recognise that Bella's character, the way she is written, the way she acts and reacts, show all the signs of someone in aan abusive relationship. Edward is a controlling, domineering, and deeply damaging partner, and way in which the story is told leaves the impression that this is a good, even desirable pattern for realtionships. It is that, not the poor writing or clunky plots, which I have a problem with.

The Cake - that's baaad. And it's a shame, becasue the cover art is the best thing about the book...

Julie said...

This is the absolute most horrible cake I have ever seen. Ever.

kwr221 said...

Black icing is just so WRONG.

Brittany Marie said...

I also thought it looked like Grandpa Simpson holding a red bell pepper.

"Mormon Vampires", however... not so much. Some of us Mormons [me] may be pale and pastey, and some of us [Donny Osmond] seem like we never age, but come on!

[Wait, has anyone ever checked Donny or Marie to see if they were Undead? I'm just sayin'.]

LeAnn said...

I run the Edible Book Festival at our library, and my co-worker made a great Twilight cake this year for our festival. Check it out here:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/csbsjulibrary/3424237387/

WAY better than this one!

darkshines said...

I was already laughing so hard, then I read Tina's comment "Those arms, ewwww! They look like they smell." and now I have tears of laughter running down my face, hahahaha.

CaliGirl9 said...

azurelunatic, you summed up the way I felt about those books. The characterizations were excellent, but having everything from Bella’s point of view was just too … idiotic.

I used to be a teenage girl and I wanted to slap her for her stupidity!

The next two films are being filmed in the Vancouver, BC area. So Forks, WA may be “the home” of the Twilighters, but the principal filming is in BC (to get around U.S. child labor laws; remember Taylor Lautner is still a minor and he’s a big part of the second and subsequent books). There is a model fa├žade of Bella’s home built in a Vancouver suburb, and Surrey is standing in for La Push.

I am embarrassed to know this.

Rumor is the next “Twilight” books are written from Edward’s point of view. I don’t think he’s much smarter than Bella …

If you click LeAnn’s link (yes, yours is better done) you will find a link to a Flickr group of Twilight cakes. Black icing is an epidemic!

Anonymous said...

...........BAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! =D

Shel said...

@Judy: I agree, with a minor difference. I think it's okay to let your kids read trash once in a while, as long as you let them know you think it's trash. I believe enlightening young people on the difference and encouraging them to be well-rounded might actually be healthier in the long run than a strict diet of manners, etiquette, and exemplary education.

I'll admit that impeccable young people are a pleasant rarity in today's world, but I'm not convinced they're ideally suited to adapt well in a quickly changing future world.

Anonymous said...

i apologize in advance for saying it....but it looks like a gynecological exam :(

Judy said...

To Shel:

Agreed! :)

After all, your insight to tell them it's trash, is in fact being a responsible guide.

Research from all angles is good but they need to be clear on their focus. Studying an opponent in any arena is a formidable way to do battle.

But keep in mind the saying "Garbage in - Garbage out" is not without merit.

Let them go out and see the world but as their appointed guides in the trenches we need to point out the land mines rather than just let them run willy-nilly in the mine field while we look the other way, hoping they'll come out the other side unscathed without any direction given. This would be irresponsible on our parts. ;)

jordan said...

Check out 2 much better twilight cakes: Myspace.com.cakesbyj

bientot said...

I haven't read all the comments, but surely I'm not the only one who sees this as 'Twilight meets The Scream'?

Mandee said...

Drat...I sent this to my very pregnant friend who loves Twilight, hoping to scare her into labor. It didn't work. :( And no, baby's name won't be Reneesme, but that's what I'm going to call her! ;)

Agatha said...

To be fair, Judy, how many moms actually read up on the subject matter of Twilight before buying it for their daughters? Chances are, their daughters demanded the book and and Mom bought it because "hey, it's a book and books are good".

I mean, in an ideal world everyone would love and revere good literature and be educated enough to know that Twilight and similar books aren't exactly shining examples of profound literature. And as far as my rationalization that it stimulates the economy? You can't deny that the series has been a major cash cow for Stephenie Meyer and those involved in any way with the books.

I do agree that we as adults must be in charge of our children and their upbringing. Please specify what constitutes an "edifying" purchase because books seem to fall into that category. If you mean edifying in the sense that you'd rather buy a Jane Austen for your daughter, more power to you. But not all teenage girls can appreciate Austen and would rather read nothing than be forced to read it just because "Mom says it's better for me than just I'm really into reading". If I have to make the decision between buying something that some people (but not all) consider to be light and trashy reading, and nothing at all, I'd choose the trash because ultimately, it's more edifying than her zoning out in front of the computer.

Moi, la perdue! said...

EHO ON EARTH WOULD RUIN TWILIGHT WITH A BAD CAKE! NOOOOOO!! SHAMMMMMEEEEEEEE.....
OH I NEED SOMETHING TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER AFTER SEEING THIS DISASTER...

All right, i'll go read the intire serie including the moonlight sun(edward version of the storie) again ..for the 4th time...ahh feeling better alerady...

By the way was the cake any good?

Anonymous said...

EEk, I have to be the only teenager you absolutely hates twilight and if I had to make a cake to sum p all my rage it would probably look like this too!

Kat said...

OK I'll admit I'm a Twilighter. This cake had me rolling on the floor laughing! And the puns are just priceless!!

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