Monday, April 27, 2009

The Twilight of Our Discontent

Monday, April 27, 2009

Unless you've lived under a rock for the past year or so, you know about the vampire lust phenomenon that is Stephenie Meyer's Twilight series. Naturally, it was only a matter of time before a bakery, in an attempt to appeal to the "I'll buy anything with Edward Cullen on it" crowd, decided to recreate the iconic book cover on a cake.

So here's the cover:



Aaaand here's the cake:



I'll give you a moment.

[whistling]

Ready? Back in your chair? Good.

Now, can I appreciate the irony of a vampire cake that sucks?

Of course I can.

Do I mind that the apple is now a red bell pepper?

Nah, not so much.

Would I still like to know what the Wreckerator was smoking when s/he made those flabby-yet-disjointed amoeba arms?

[nodding] Yes, yes I would.


Kelly L., I know you have a stake in this, so I hope you won't be cross when I say looking at this bite-sized sucker is making me downright batty.

[bowing] That's five! Five puns! Mwah-ah-ah!
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Stacy said...

How appropriate that this wreck of a book series has its own cake wrecks!!

LandSquid said...

Margo--
Well said. The young adult literature I received as a teen got me into reading, and I still like to browse the YA shelves from time to time (trying to find the next Lioness Quartet, I guess :) ). I picked up Twilight for my sister, figuring I could borrow it after she finished.

...Then someone gave me a review on how "awesome" Edward was, how he was the MEANING to Bella's LIFE and isn't that AWESOME and ROMANTIC?

I felt sick to my stomach and almost took the book back. The idea of giving *anyone* literature, trashy, classy, or not, that essentially glorifies an abusive relationship horrified me. Girls are swooning over this guy? What?!

Love the cake, by the way; if it matters, I rather... saw a bell pepper being used in a... creative... fashion...

claire said...

Fangs for that! - but I'm not really a Twilighter. Would have liked to see Anne Rice's Interview with a Vampire much more.

Anonymous said...

OMG that is hideous
I absolutley love twilight and even i think that is atrocious and disgusting.
i want to know who is eating that.
i would hate to see that persons worst artwork because that is disgraceful
shame on you cake maker
Very nice puns



Amy

Utahime Lorelei said...

What amuses me the most are the two warring sides about this book series--the people who are die-hards (or Twihards, as some call them) who love it dearly, and cannot fathom anyone who may dislike it--and then the people who hate it with just as much fervor and cannot fathom anyone actually enjoying what they consider to be garbage. Both sides are rather disconcerting, as they feel they have to defend their position with all the might they have--lest someone not be 'enlightened' by their words--and honestly, to me, they all take it too far.

I've read all four books (at the behest of my mother, who thought I'd enjoy them), and I will admit I did--but I enjoyed them for what they were--teenage romance novels. They're not garbage, but they're also not the works of Chaucer or Hemingway. They're just books. An amusing read, nothing heavily substantial, that's all.(And yes, before you jump at me, this is my opinion; and you don't have to like it, I'm not making you.)

But, whether you love Twilight or hate it, all can agree on the fact that this cake is an atrocity. This is a hilarious find. I love this blog. <3

Dea said...

Shakespeare and Jae Austen were once considered trash, beneath people - NOT quality literature. Just something to bear in mind.

Once again - just because you don't like something doesn't mean it doesn't have merits.

And I do fear for my kids and their kids - not enough of them can spell properly, and not enough of them read often enough.

Certainly not my favorite books, but not the worst drivel I've read either. And I've read some serious crap in my lifetime...some of it on the reading lists from school.

Mandy said...

Oh no. Tell me it isn't so.

*gasp*

fiat128 said...

Wow! You've got one of the best blogs I've read yet, and I certainly wouldn't expect that from the subject matter.

That cake looks like it promoting a no budget porn flick filmed next to a rest home.

Kudos to you and your blog, it's the tops!

Anonymous said...

ummmmmmm............. wusnt that only 4 puns?
but still, what was that baker smoking? if i had done something that bad, i would have throne it in the trash.

Ann Burlingham said...

Our local Topps supermarket bakery did a decent job with our _Breaking Dawn_ midnight release party cake - as one of my staff is a huge Twilight fan and her birthday was the same day as the book came out, we sent them a photo and made it a combo: http://www.flickr.com/photos/35702024@N00/2726109669/

Anonymous said...

A trainwreck of a cake for a trainwreck of a book series.

Karen said...

Oh man, you make the Pepsi I was drinking come out of my nose! Never laughed so hard in all my life.

Saje Williams said...

As a life-long fan of fantasy literature, as well as an urban fantasy author myself, I have to say I find the comments on Twilight rather amusing. Like it or not, it's a matter of personal perspective and perception and doesn't really reflect the quality of the work. I'm frankly a little jealous of her success, but thankful at the same time. She managed to get people to read for pleasure who have NEVER done so and that's a good thing all the way around. Good for all authors, but particularly those who write paranormal stuff.

One person's "trash" is another's treasure and nowhere is that more obvious than in the literary world. Well, excepting perhaps music.

That said... That cake is HIDEOUS.

Shaniqua-fandah said...

I wonder how it tasted...

Sara said...

Hum... I prefer the book!

Anonymous said...

Fail cake is fail.

Fail book is fail.

Article is win.

Shawty said...

I've read the series. I was obsessed. Now I think the books are just ok... but that's not my point. After I got over my obsession, I realized HOW CREEPY EDWARD IS. Control freak? He barely stops short of putting Bella in chains!!!

Sorry for the rant.

Team Jacob

Miss Bliss said...

Not to be crude, but the Twilight cake looks more like the private view of a woman's...ahem...really inflamed "swimsuit parts."

Daphne said...

It had been a long afternoon filled with baking and frosting for Henriette. Her tired legs and feet begged her to close the bakery 15 minutes early for the first time since she and Jean-Paul opened it some 51 years ago.

"Ah .. the youthful hopes and dreams of the bakery then," she thought. But now, with Jean-Paul gone and the rising scourge of the Cupcake Cake, she feared she had lost her love for the quaint little shop.

Resigned to closing the shop early to appease her aching limbs, she was startled by the delicate tinkling of the bell above the front door announcing a customer. Henriette sighed and gently moved herself toward the front of the bakery - the sound of scraping bowls and whirring beater blades still ringing in her aged ears.

"Bonjour, Madame!" Henriette called to the motherly looking young woman, as she plopped a book upon the glass display case, rattling it slightly. "How may I be of service?"

"My little Chastity Divine is having her 12th Birthday next week and she is just wild about that Edward! Why! She could just munch him up!!" the young mother said animatedly as she tapped a finely manicured red fingernail against the book. "Edward!! Edward!! Edward!! Munch!! Munch!! Munch!!," she gasped before continuing, "I need you to recreate the cover of this book!"

Henriette was pretty adept at making and frosting cakes, but she could see this might be a challenge. To start, Henriette was past an age to know what the young woman was so animated about, beyond the fact her child was soon to celebrate a birthday.

Perhaps if Yvette had not married Gunter and moved away to Austria, she could see and know more of her 15 grandchildren. But it was too late for that. After the debacle of Jean-Paul's funeral rites, she doubted she would ever see any of them again.

"Certainly, Madame!" Henriette said cheerily, using all her mental strength to push through the self-doubt, heartbreak and tears welling up inside her. "I would be pleased to recreate the cover."

Henriette questioned the young woman further and got the necessary information as to the crucial date and how the cake should be delivered. The young woman left and Henriette began her evening routine before closing the shop for the day.

Later, as Henriette slowly hobbled the three blocks home, she realized she had forgotten to ask the young woman more about this "Twilight" and what was it the young woman had called him?? "Oh Yes!," Henriette excitedly thought to herself, "Edward Munch!!"

She would take a break from her walk home to rest her aching bones at the Library. It would afford her an opportunity to warm herself before walking the rest the way home in the chilling winter wind and she could ask the young librarian of this Edward Munch .

Syreen said...

I thought it was just a crappy cake, then my fiance pointed out that it looks like a....how can I put this, "loose" woman. Lololol. I'm still laughing.

Crazy Girl said...

Uggghhhhh! Please tell me I'm not the only teen girl who would love to kill Edward Cullen in many horrible, painful ways. *Evil side beginning to seep out* I'm surprised Twilight wasn't in quotations on the cake... heh heh...
All that black frosting... so gross...

CarNTwilightGirl said...

They killed it. I love Twilight, and this is just wrong!!!

Twilight is awesome.

Only GOOD decorators should be allowed to do Twilight cakes.

Anonymous said...

I know this is a little late, but I only just found this site a few months ago. My friend made a Twilight cake, yes she's a fan, she's 16 years old and definitely not a professional, but I think she did a better job.

http://i49.photobucket.com/albums/f255/9043068/others/Twilight2.jpg

Anonymous said...

LOLZ! That caked sucked. Not that I'm trying to be mean, of course. I mean, I actually like Twilight. Does anyone remember, in Harry Potter, the kid broke his arm or whatever, and it went all floppy? That's what the arms reminded me of... *giggle*

olivforbooks said...

Perhaps Bella, with her impaired mental development, decorated this cake. Or perhaps she was simply too busy swooning over her ridiculously sparkly love interest to pay attention to what she was doing.

1nes said...

AHAHAHA!! As a twilight fan, this is hilarious!!!!!!



hmm... was that cake a CCC?

JennVM said...

I am the newest Cakewreckers fan. Have been, in fact, obsessively reviewing blogs for at least 2 hours now. I LOVE this blog!

This cake is a disaster, even I could've done that better!

The puns are to die for, I'm envious of your punny power.

Twilight is, as one commenter put it, junk food. SM had a good story idea and messed it up with a lot of tripe and serious cliches. I read ALOT, I write ALOT, I edit ALOT (4 books and hundreds of poems I've edited have been published) and I wrote like she does when I was in my teens. (since I have 20 years on that now, I'm pleased to say everything has improved lol) Reading her books, which I have - once, is like chewing bubblegum, too much sugar and truly bad for your teeth.

Sparkly VAMPIRES?? Come on! Original but not very good.

And now to what made me actually add to the comments from an April post:

Is THIS wreck on purpose?

"this deserves no input from all twilight fans you know its a good im sorry the best story ever told no need to tell ppl who cant read how good a wast of your own breath move along if there wasnt any ppl who dont like twilight then we would all be smart and thats no fun so let there be idiots and let there be twilighters"

I wouldn't have signed my name to it either.

Anonymous said...

Okay, I'm pretty sure even the most die-hard Twilight fans at my school would turn against it if they saw this. That, or murder every professional baker in the world.
-Madison

Cupcakes Lady said...

Lol That is one disturbing cake. Those arms....whats cant describe what im feeling! lol xx

Anonymous said...

I counted 6 puns lol

Anonymous said...

Thank you for telling us it was for Twilight, because I really thought it was an homage to Goatse. Of course, I'm not sure what horrifies me more, that I know what Goatse is, or that I thought someone would make a cake about it.

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