[pause]
BWAHAHAHAH! Hah, did you see what I did there? How I managed to keep a straight face? Hoo boy! [wiping eyes] Heehee!
Ok, seriously, let's count down the ways in which Wreckerators have managed to destroy the seemingly simple balloon, shall we?
1) Gravity Need Not Apply
I suppose you could say the writing is what's upside down, but even then those balloons look more like wrinkly piles of fresh paint than anything else. Yech.2) Floaters, or Swimmers?
I see this problem a lot, and I don't think it's just 'cuz I have that V-day post on the brain.It doesn't help when the "balloons" are swimming in a circle, either:
This balloon placement makes perfect sense...during tornado season.
This is no doubt a commentary on the vast, off-centered, blankness of life.4) Too big.
These behemoths are coming in for the kill with their teensy dagger strings.5) Swirly Suckers
Multicolored swirls look, at best, like lollipops. At worst, we're facing the Teletubby poo debacle all over again.
6) "You may use any icing color in the kitchen. EXCEPT THIS ONE."
Ooh, could those be a gaggle of failing organs*, or perhaps hacky sacks made from old pantyhose? Here's hoping!!
Multicolored swirls look, at best, like lollipops. At worst, we're facing the Teletubby poo debacle all over again.6) "You may use any icing color in the kitchen. EXCEPT THIS ONE."
Ooh, could those be a gaggle of failing organs*, or perhaps hacky sacks made from old pantyhose? Here's hoping!!Janice L., Nezuko, Troy K., Helen D., Jessica G., & Bex, thanks for taking us up, up and away.
* Geese, organs - they're practically interchangeable, right?
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84 comments | Post a Comment
Those are some colorful sperm.
Wow, who knew they could make them so badly?! I certainly see some swimmers there, but I wondered if the teletubbie poo wasn't supposed to be flowers, and the decorator just couldn't make a rose?
oh.my.goodness. that is hilarious.
Oh wow...never would have thought balloons to be so difficult...
Those tiny balloons in the big, blank cake look terrified.
Maybe #4 is depicting hot air balloons?? Oh well, maybe not.
I think your post has now shown that Frosting Balloons are an automatic Cake Wreck. Love your blog!
Love the "too small" ones... and the final pic? Looks like quite the fearless colon to me.
Oh, ugh. Band-Aid colored frosting is never a good thing.
Angie (from over at www.HalfAssedKitchen.com)
I will NEVER ask for balloons on a cake again!
The bottom one is just gross. Is the marketing department coming up with something new here - flesh balloons? Fleshloons? "Got an artery that's all clogged up? No problem, let us inflate our new Fleshloons up in there and you'll be good as new."
Me thinkst that last one probably started out with bright pink balloons on it...but was left under the dreaded flourescent lights a bit too long!
I haven't commented in ages, but those, 'Too small' balloons just about sums up my life...
It's all sooo tragic!
Thanks for making me smile like a... well like a loon.
Everything is dirty... Balloons are dirty.
Chris got pretty colored balloons on his/her 28th birthday cake . Oooooooh Goody for him/her!!!! (clapping hands with fingers spread wide open) :D
Oh, BLECH! Proving the ancient adage (forgive me Mr, Burns) that the simplest things "gang aft awry".
More Spongemonkeys!!! {8^P
Number 6 is clearly for the veterinary associations "Say no to heartworms" awareness month. Having had the *privilege* of seeing a pickled heart with a bad case of heartworms I can tell you with certainty that it looks quite like that.
I also love the too small balloons...maybe it was a minimalist birthday cake. I was going to say nihilist but then there'd be no balloons at all....and possibly no cake.
AHAHAHA! Thanks, I needed that! Failing organs...
Ugh, the blobs on #4 make me ill, thinking about trying to actually eat a mound of frosting that big. Perhaps the dagger-like projections are meant to drill their way through your lower intestine, cleaning out all the debris.
After seeing all the ways to flub up balloons, I don't think I'll ever attempt them myself.
Number 4 is clearly a hermit-crab themed birthday party...
I love it: Balloon 101
these look so deflated. sat upon.
squished.
Ok, I can just about let the swirly balloons in #5 pass. I mean, compared to the others, it's a decently made cake with just the problem of the swirls (and peaks I guess). But what were they thinking with the small balloons. I mean, you know the cake is SOOO big, why make the baloons sooo small? Were they waiting for something else?
Chris got 29 pretty colored balloons on his/her/its 28th birthday cake. D'oh!
#3 reminds me of my brother-in-law's stories of balloons released at funerals....
Ugh, maybe it's just because I've got swimmers on the brain, but that last one looks like piles of severed testicles.
You know there's a problem when balloons start looking like sperm...
Diminutive, meek
Balloons on the troposphere
Of cake, wafting lone.
Geese? Organs?
Alright! Who put the fois gras on this cake?
First time I have LOLed IRL from reading a blog in AGES. Oh man.
I think the tiny balloons were made to use up the very last little bit of colored frosting. Or maybe, they were very, very far away.
I love the swimmers, and might want swimmers on my cake some day. Frosting swimmers that is.
The last cake looks like it is supposed to be swimmer storage tanks to me. (umm, mountain oysters if I wasn't obvious enough.)
I knew the moment I saw the title that there would be sperm involved. You didn't disappoint.
The sad thing is....I just ordered a cake for my son's party with balloons on it.... :( now I'm scared...
ha ha ha ha. You crack me up! And yes, they definitely look like little swimmers, I don't think it's just because of the v-day post!
Maybe the falling balloons are on a celestial body with high gravity and/or low air pressure.
WVOTD: pixelu = Japanese term for pixels.
I thought the "2 ans" French phallic balloons were the best but the wee balloons in the center of the large cake are quickyl becoming number 2.
3) This one really cracks me up. For the right person, I think this could be a funny cake. It would go well with an appropriate quote from The Office: "It is your birthday." Actually, I'm kind of liking that.
6) Calf nuts.
~kate
I used to be a cake decorator and I think I did a pretty good job of it. I just worked in a grocery store bakery but people used to ask for me by name when ordering cakes so I like to think I didn't suck at it. One thing I could never get down though was fricken-fracken balloons. No matter what I did they never turned out right. I would cringe whenever someone would order a balloon cake because I knew it meant they were going to walk out of that bakery with a sperm cake. It's my secret shame. And now not so secret.
I don't know about failing organs...they look more like lopsided butts to me!
HACKY SACKS!!!!!!! HAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!
(breathing in)
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew, the colour and shape of the balloons on the bottom one made me think of.....um.....well, generally hey usually ARE found close to the bottom.....
#3 made me laugh out loud!
Ewww! The last one looks like the decorator put on two hemmerroid "arrangements" (using the term loosely). Sorry, but cake and hemmies? Yack!!!
The last one is definitely testicles. I find that gel balloons generally work better than frosting ones although there can still be sperm problems with those too.
wv:makin-with all these sperm cakes, there might be some baby-makin!
:D:D:D i *love* the white cake with the microscopic balloons :D:D:D!! no one could possibly _not_ blink when they see it, i don't think...
The one that says "To Andrea" doesn't look that bad to me. They look more like Hot Air Balloons than regular balloons. You just have to use your imagination!
Um, April Fools?
Please?
You mean these arn't the result of some April Fools Day prank? Not even the last one?
*hangs head in mourning for all the cake decorators of the world*
There is no such thing as a too-large lump of frosting.
mmmm.... frosting....
oh yeah, i get geese and organs mixed up all the time
and i'm a surgeon
(in my nightmares)
ha! I actually like the tiny ones! I do have to admit they'd be better if they were in the center though.
On #1, the balloons on the right are clearly "lead balloons". ;)
Hacky sacks from old pantyhose....
LMAO!!!
Comment WIN!
OMG! I have got to stop reading this blog at work while eating my lunch--I almost needed a Heimlich from trying not to laugh out loud. #2 is definitely sperm, take it from someone who looks at them under a microscope for a living. And the last one--definitely testicles. What a disgusting color for a cake!
lol! i'm loving those tiny balloons
The tiny balloons are hilarious.
Mmmmboy! These certainly look tasty...to someone who loves V-Day cakes and "Prairie Oysters". (That's what the last cake looks like.)
nice blog, what about link exchange with my one?
let me know via comments or mail...
cheers
Balloons you say? I thought they were sperms. Seriously!
Are balloons really that confusing of a concept to grasp?
~Amy B.
My favorite of the bunch has to be the tiny balloons in the center of an otherwise plain white cake. Heh heh...it's funny!
Some of those balloons look like sperm!!!! ICK How hilarious!!!!
I'd swear that #4 is a Costco cake because that's exactly what my DS's cake looked like, & it was from Costco. And yes, the balloons are HUGE!
What cracked me up was, one kid at his party wanted one of those balloons & got mad that he didn't! Ewwwwww.
This is one of my favorite all-time posts (ok, maybe around my #4 pick). I laughed out loud at my desk. Who knew balloons could go so wrong?
I love how "Chris" has balloons on his 28th birthday cake.
I bet he loved it too. Happy Grownup Day Chris! Now blow out your candles and finish your jelly and ice cream!
HAHA! I love it!
I love, love, LOVE your blog. It make me laugh out loud, every day. Thanks!!
Your post reminded me of this Don Hertzfeldt cartoon- Billy's Balloon-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fpc5vgi9zbM
"Too small"
Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!
*reads caption under pic"
haha ha ha ("self aware, stiffened laugh")
The tiny ones are kind of cool and give the impression of quiet solitude. (Said with a reasonably straight face.)
The last ones ... um ... Spauldings? No, I'll pass on that lump of icing, please. (It takes something seriously weird to make me want to pass on icing.)
I am reading this at work and seriously had to stifle my laughter at the tiny balloons!! I seriously love that cake.
Afterseeing some of those living dead wedding cakes the other day, where are the wedding cakes with balloons. Just because there might be a comment or two made about wedding night activities that shouldn't stop anyone in the name of good taste, right?
(recovering from a moment of sarcasm here)
Your comments on the cakes are funnier than the cakes themselves!
My sixteenth birthday cake (purchased by my mother without my input except regarding flavor) had sperm-balloons on it. Even worse, they were pink, blue, and purple. When I discovered this I had to exert every ounce of restraint I had to avoid cracking up in front of my mother, but once she left, ended up pointing it out discreetly to all my female friends - and much giggling ensued.
The color on that last cake...oh my what were they thinking. I don't even know how to describe it...lol.
Julie from
PartiesAndKids.com
The tiny balloons made me shoot milk out my nose. I laughed until I couldn't breathe!
Those are the most pitiful looking balloons I've ever seen... thank Goodness that brand new 5 yr old didn't know that those were sperm and not balloons on his cake.
have you ever been to the pioneer woman's blog? those blobby things on the last cake bear an enormous resemblance to the testicles that she hangs on her pesky brother-in-law's hat.
Oh man, I should have sent in my picture of balloon spermies that I recently took! LOL
So heinous but so funny!!
The "too small" one got me. So funny, those tiny tiny balloons in a sea of white. What was the decorator thinking?
The first cake has a beautifully realistic depiction of air-filled baloons left over from someone else's party. Poor Seth's birthday must be right after that of a younger sibling. I feel for him.
that's jacked up. i mean, seriously, who would be so stupid as to put upside-down, positively MINISCULE, or swimming balloons on a cake?
Looks like they are playing a game of "Musical Ovaries". When the musci stops, someone better jump in!
You should never use balloons on cakes. Balloons are evil.
So...I'm sorry to report that the ginormous balloons are actually a company standard of the good folks at Costco...You'll be hard-pressed to find any balloons that aren't family-value sized there....I guess it makes sense...