Saturday, April 11, 2009

Easter Wreck Round Up

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Man, I've had a rough day. Really, I'm beat. Good Friday was anything but. Plus, do you guys have any idea how hard it is to crank out this kind of quality, high-class entertainment* day after day after day? There's all the typing, and sitting, and mouse-clicking, and more typing, and sometimes I even have to look up words like "yarmulke" in the dictionary. Yeesh!

What's that? Get on with the Wrecks already? Fine. But don't expect my usual verve and vigor; I'm feelin' a little more Sturm und Drang. And grumpy. Definitely grumpy.

First, here's more proof that if you look good enough, no one will care what you say:

Soak it all up, Allison H., 'cuz "Sping" here is the cutest character you're gonna see today. Which is fine by me. Bah. Cuteness - it's just so...cute. Totally not conducive to a good funk-fest.


Yeah, so let Cute Overload have their Muzzle Puffs; we have Moldy Puffs:


And what are you smirking about, Mr. Pickle-Ears? Didn't you get the memo? I'm in a bad mood, so you're supposed to look grumpy. Like these guys:


Ok, now we're veering into territory that's more tragic than grumpy. [shrug] Works for me.


'Course it's a rabbit. See the white ears? And the artificial "Easter" grass on top? Really, I don't see how the decorator could have made it more obvious for you. [eye roll]

How about a couple of coiled yellow snakes to get you in the Easter spirit?

Ssssssmashing.


[Glaring beady-eyed] Maybe it's the mood talking, but I want to kick this cake. That bunny is way too ugly to be that stinkin' happy. He also appears to have laid a "chocolate egg," if you catch my drift.

[sigh] I know, I know, I'm spreading my bad mojo all over the place here. Maybe I just need to blow off a little steam by playing Impale the Flotsam on the Easter cake:



Or I suppose I could look on the bright side: This isn't my birthday cake:

Yowie.

Ok, yeah, that helps a little.

I could go on, but I think you have more than enough Wreckage to tide you over for today. And remember, send me some NICE Easter cakes for tomorrow, or else I'll...I'll...uh...have nothing to post tomorrow. Yeah. (Note to self: Work on "threatening" tone.)


Thanks to Bree L., Karolin R., Lysa, Megan G., Jennifer J., Darla D., & Mianne for today's finds.


*I know you can't tell, but I totally typed that with a straight face.
MarieA said...

dear oh dear... I totally understand the crankiness and whinging.. BUT tomorrow brings SWEETS! And it's a good thing too. ( those broken chocolate bar ears - OY - I'm whinging too!)

Easter brings sweets.. You'll be back to your happy joking self.

Happy Easter!

DaMamaJama said...

Can someone explain to me *what* that blue blob in the last picture is supposed to be?

-Maria

Heather said...

Ok I think CW#3 may haunt my dreams. That was one scary bunny. And my 10 year old said the one with the whit eears looked like a frog wearing lipstick. I have to agree with her.

mlanezoo said...

These cakes are appalling. Great work Jen, you brighten my day!

Christina Kim said...

Those "peeps" look more like yellow "poops"

Galadriel said...

Wreck #6: that's not a rabbit. It's a FISH.

diddleymaz said...

oh wow ! were to start? mutant space rabbits! piles of green/blue snot! yellow poo piles with eyes!! and mis-spelling cake wreck heaven!Plus hilarious comments? Do you do stand up?I laugh so much i nearly wet myself!!

joyce said...

We are SO thankful there is nothing bloody. No bleeding bunnies. No bleeding lambs. Thank you.

Those are some very bizarre bunnies. Thank you for your wit. Without it we would just be groaners.

Anonymous said...

These are amazing. Why does that poor girl have a gigantic blue blob in the middle of her birthday/easter cake???

drgns4vr said...

Cake #3 has got to be Bunnicula, the vampire rabbit. No Easter Bunny about it.
Aanyway, it's a pretty day out today so have a Happy Sping!

Jackie said...

aw come on jen, you can't tell me that NONE of those cakes got you to smile! the one with the pickle ears is so bad, its funny. no no, i take that back. the multi-colored friend who looks like he's holding his breath is so bad its hilarious!!

Galadriel said...

Oh, and #3 is doing a bad impression of a pineapple. A brown pineapple.

Robin said...

Those are just bizarre. Why would anyone think someone might buy those?

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

Good ones! Certainly puts my in the perfect Easter spirit!!

Sharon said...

The sphinx-like rabbit with the pink head made me laugh.

I used to get a sticker catalog from a place called T-K Graphics that made stickers, notecards and certificates for sci fi/fantasy fans. One of the stickers was "A new low in popular culture" with a graphic of smiley faces placed on unicorn bodies where the head should be.

The pink bunny head looks much like those smiley face unicorns.

Melanie said...

Wow these are bad!

Anonymous said...

Bun #5 - how hard is it to make ears & whiskers?!?! Looks like someone raided the "stale leftover candy" bin. Who in their right mind could think *that* looks acceptable to sell?!?! ***shakes head***

Wild Cakes said...

Well CW-8 is obviously a lab bunny! How else do you explain the shaved head and glowing red eyes?

And CW-4 looks like he's shrugging his shoulders "meh... I'm an ugly bunny, what can I do?"

Pat said...

For the first time in my life I truly understand the meaning of "Holy Crap!"

Giusi. said...

wow. lol i have NO words for these ...
: //


Someone has to be doing this stuff on purpose.

what. the. heck.
: //

anyhoo.. HAPPY EASTER JEN! :))

VeggieT said...

there should totally be a button that we can rate these cakes, how about three ratings one for cuteness, one for wreckiness, and on for just plain freakiness, 'cuz that "bunny" with the white lamb-like body and almost magenta head just topped out on my freakiness chart.

Have a blessed Easter!

StuffCooksWant said...

Love mean brown bunny's swirly legs and pineapple body...so festive.

The red Twizzler whiskers are gorgeous... I mean so lifelike... almost thought that was a real rabbit.

The blue blob? Well, bunny had a little too much flax seeds and trash can punch that day. At a crazy bunny party.

Half Assed Kitchen said...

Pink bunny head = stressed little guy who drank too much Pepto.

Angie (from over at www.HalfAssedKitchen.com)

Glory von Hathor said...

That sphinx rabbit has put me in the mood to make an opinicus out of buttercream and licorice allsorts.

sharon said...

I don't know if other people have been saying this--I hope I'm adding my voice to a growing chorus, but I don't think it's cricket to call decorated cookies, "cake." CCCs are one thing, but a cookie is nothing more than a canvas - it could just as well be a piece of foam core, from the decorating perspective.

Sara Doane said...

So the last "grumpy" bunny looks more like a mouse.

And the white bunny with the red face is terrifying. It looks either like he's been holding his breath for a long time, or he's gone psycho and is filled with anger (with a smile on his face!).

Thanks for the laughs, I hope you feel better! Happy Easter!

Haiku Joy said...

Pickle-Ears wins Spring's
"Miss Congeniality,"
smirks at loser cakes.

Dennis said...

H.R. Puff-n-Bunny almost has deviled-egg eyes with black-olive pupils!

And how can you have Easter without Bloo Poo?

vampi said...

jonathon ross just twittered your link expect some new visitors :)

http://twitter.com/Wossy

arbed said...

I think these are possibly the worst (or best?) wrecks that have ever been posted. I wasn't aware that hallucinogenic drugs were part of Easter. Of course, it would explain a lot of things, and not just about these cakes. I'm glad they're all grouped in one post - it's best to keep them contained.

Maria said...

why do i feel like i would take entirely too much glee in hacking up pickle-ears?

Cindy said...

I work at a preschool, so I think I'm speaking with great authority when I say that the bunny with the chocolate bar ears looks like something a preschool art teacher would make with the kids. On the last day of class before Easter break. When the art cupboard has been stolen by aliens and she's really getting desperate.

Bilby P. Dalgyte said...

Lol you're amusing when you're angry :P

The cake makers were probably drunk though...

El Comodoro said...

The "Impale the Flotsam" cake looks like an F5 tornado hit EasterLand.

And I didn't expect to be so darn angry with confections today. Thanks a lot, Angry Jen. I think you need one of those comically oversized boxing glove sets and an unwitting participant...

www.captainjackmakesport.blogspot.com

Visione Bella said...

What the hell is that blue thing on the last cake????? Yeesh...

Kristin said...

You really just made my day! I'm going to Twitter this too!

Amy said...

What's up with the green ears on the rabbit cake? Does he have an infection?

And the blob cake..yuk.

wv: fessions: Someone has some fessions to make about these cakes.
~Amy B

Debbi said...

I think that blue blob on the last wreck is a swimming pool. Look at the bunny. He's getting ready to dive in. Can't you see it?

Well, I can only speak for myself, but nothing says "Sping" and Easter like a bunny pool party ...

*shaking head*

sendingtheclowns said...

"Cake" #1: Yes. Sping is cute. But just under the wire.
#2: Purely diabolical. Don't trust it; there's a bomb inside. (And if there isn't, there should be.)
#3: I know that's supposed to be a carrot. It just looks like a tongue... And I don't particularly appreciate the "Nyah, nyah! You can cut me and eat me but I WILL haunt your dreams and cramp your bowels!" expression on that sucker.
#4: *shrug* "What'd I ever do to YOU??" is the "in" look this Easter... haven't you heard.
#5: IS that cake sitting on the FLOOR?? I swear that looks like a rug under that cake container; no wonder he has a big, green, runny tear coming out of his eye! Major dis!
#6: A pink PUG! How innovative...
#7: Well...at least it's not overdone. SO not overdone.
#8: Snoopy wearing a rabbit mask. And someone stepped on his front paw--see how swollen it is? (Why'd they stop there?)
#9: Now, THAT'S overdone. See, #7? You can try to feel good about yourself, now. Reeaally try.
#10: A sarcophagus, wherein lie the remains of something --I don't care what, as long as it stays there.
#11: Finally, one with a bit of mystery!!! If you click it to enlarge, you can make out--in the silvery-blue part-- a sort of image of something there. To me, it almost looks like a goose. I see a long neck, and a goosey-looking body. Or a swan, just maybe...

I so hope that Amy is very, very young...young enough not to care. Or she'll THROW UP on it.

Wait a minute...!?!?

Megan said...

I had to stifle my laughing so as not to wake up my husband, lol.

And that pink and white bunny that laid the chocolate "egg"? It looks like the Sphinx or something.

And WHY would you put that horrific Easter "grass" on a cake?!!!!?

gritsaintgroceries said...

I'm getting a Donnie Darko vibe from some of these cakes

chickenbetty said...

Oh that chocolate bunny looks like one of the bad guys from Voltron. *shivers*

Galadriel said...

@sharon -- my husband and his brothers each get decorated cookie cakes every birthday. A cookie cake is a cake :)

(How is cookie as a canvas different from cake as a canvas?)

Little Luxuries said...

#10 - I don't even know what that's supposed to BE!

#11 - Why is the bunny half-buried? What is that blue... thing? Is this cake advance advertising for a new holiday horror blockbuster? "Coming soon to a theater near you: Zombie Bunny vs The Blob!"

Mella said...

what is the blue stuff on the last cake suppose to be

Cindy said...

I get the crankiness and whining, and what I love is that your cakes do, too! Happy Sping! I love it!

I'm thinking you should take your cake pictures on the road :) Such great humor!
Thahks for the Easter chuckles.

Tauna said...

My husband just asked what I was watching because I was laughing so hard!!!

Awesome cakey wreckiness, Jen! I'm going to be singing McArthur park all day...

Anonymous said...

"Pickle Ears" actually looks like yoyo from hoops and yoyo -- featured on Hallmark cards, tee shirts, and other items.

Jenni said...

....WE have those scary looking Bunny head toppers at the bakery! The one on either side of the third to last photo? We use them on cupcakes, and everytime I use them, I think of this site.

Anonymous said...

Oddee.com has an article about horrible cakes, which would be fine. But they used the tag line "when cakes go horribly, hilariously wrong" and they used a lot of photos that they may or may not have gotten off your site. There is no credit to any of it.

Just thought you should know!

NetFreak said...

what were those snake-things? are those supposed to be CHICKS?!!? *sigh* it makes me sad that decorators still don't realizes the difference between snakes and chicks...*sobs*

Pirka said...

The sixth one from the top (with the ears and random easter grass on top) looks like Gypsy from MST3K. Srsly.

~ Pirka

Dorci Harris said...

Sorry you were feelin' snarky! If it makes you feel any better, I could barely get through a sentence or two and a glance at each Easter wreck without crumbling into a giggling heap on my desk.

That chocolate one looks like an evil anti-Easter bunny that's just daring someone to come near him with a knife!

Terri said...

I think #4 is a Samurai bunny. Don't know why, it is just a vibe I'm getting. On #7, "Happy Easter" is written in all different colored letters. That is some happy writing right there. Number 8's white body and pink head make me wonder if there was a frosting shortage, or maybe the rabbit was out swimming all day and got only its head sunburned.
btw, I talk to myself when I see the pictures. (ie "What the crap is THAT supposed to be?") And I laugh out loud at your posts. I hope you're happy you make me act like a loon.

joyce said...

I wish I could add something witty about these terrible cakes because the word verification word is

prinkie

it is not a pringle, and not a pinkie

Miss Mouthy said...

I love this angry, sassy post! For your sake, I hope it doesn't last, but for my sake, I hope it does!

Jenny said...

Sorry about your case of the bad mojos--however I smile everytime I see a hideous bunny, chick etc. You are spreading Easter cheer..thank you!

Shellee said...

I don't think the little yellow chicks looked like snakes. They looked more like little yellow "Lala Teletubby" poops that came to life.

Crusty said...

Hilarious.

deckardcanine said...

I think #6 is an enemy in the Pikmin games.

Heidi 'n' Jeff said...

It is hard to do a blog everyday. I totally slack off and I don't have nearly as high of a profile you.

Maybe the Sunday Sweets will cheer you up. The masses of candy from tomorrow won't hurt either. You do get a basket don't you? :)

Anonymous said...

I squinted at the final cake picture and decided it was Nessie swimming in the Loch.

Either that or a jelly bean that sat too long near a heat source - about three days too long.

Michele said...

LOL I'm sure holidays always bring out the best cake wrecks.
FYI I love your blog =) it always brightens my day. I can even get my fiance to read it and he rarely reads mine.

thorswitch said...

What I find the funniest about the blue blob cake is that the top edge of the cake actually changes so that it can go up and around the outside of the blob with the frosting "grass!"

Think of what the normal proportions of a rectangular cake are, and then look at the blob monstrosity. That top edge starts bu cutting in a bit shorter than it should, then goes up and around the blob and then has a gradual slope back to where it should be on the other side of the blob. How on EARTH did THAT happen? Was the cake just misshapen and they used the blob to try and cover something up? Or was this somehow planned?

It's just so weird!


wv: shedlycn: a promising new medication to help werewolves get rid of all that unsightly fur

Poli: the matron sister of everyone said...

Sorry yesterday was so hard. I hope today and tomorrow are far better. And I must say that you did an excellent job of channeling your negative energy!

Children of the Nineties said...

What's going on with number five? Are those Kit Kat remnants for eyes? It's just plastered with candy pieces.

Scritzy said...

Oh gad, that chocolate-headed bunny is EVIL! A remake of Night of the Lepus, maybe?

As for the rest of it ... well ... hey, Happy Easter, everybody.

Hyena Overlord said...

I was looking at the first one thinking "what's wrong with...oh Sping! And it hit me.

The rest are quite something else. What, I'm not sure.

wv..skrunt...oh well that's a word I learned on FHOTD. Since this is a family sort of site I won't give a definition or a sentence for it.*LOL*

OtakuLoki said...

That blue thing has to be Lovecraftian. There's no other possible explanation. I'm thinking it's supposed to be a representation of Nyarlathotep.

Why Amy deserved to have that shown to her on her birthday is beyond me.

Anonymous said...

You're even funny when you're mad! Feel better soon!

:D

Kath said...

The white "thing" that's supposed to be a bunny, I guess...my 3 year old just said "that's not a bunny...bunnies don't have lips"

Sounds about right!

Nikki via The Scarlett Rose Garden said...

Wow. These Easter cakes have really been something... and the little girl cutting the lamb's head off... ugh!

So the white rabbit with red eyes looks like it has Elephantiasis in it's front leg.
WTF is supposed to be on that last cake? I'm in complete grossed out awe.

Happy Easter and thanks for keeping us entertained!

Michele said...

Okay that one looks like Easter EXPLODED on it!!! ROFL! And Happy Birthday to the blue pile of poo?! Holy cow what are these wreckerators thinking when they put these out to sell?! lol

robyn said...

WTF is the blue thing all over the last cake? Melted Teletubby poo? Melted Teletubby? >Gahh!<

Anonymous said...

Mommy! Chocolate Mr. Carrotnose is scaring me! "I'm gonna bite off your ears, ya little punk! See how YOU like it!"

And Pink Face Bunny--poor thing must have been constipated. See how his/her little face is so red with effort? And how relieved and happy s/he looks? Mr. Carrotnose must have lent No. 8 some chocolate Ex-Lax to get rid of an "egg" that size.

-Blue Jean

Reverend Jon said...

Jen, After reading that you're in a bad mood and you mentioned how much work it is to make the blog every day, I felt bad that I've never commented to say how much I like it. I'm just not a big commenter usually. I am always impressed by how much material you have each and every day. Keep up the good work.

thorswitch said...

Say, did you ever find out what's up with the smoking lambs?

wv: anitu: someone in a REAL hurry saying what's next on their list of things they have to get done.

Sharon said...

Dear Mr. Pickle Ears, Just because you look like a cabbage doesn't mean you count as a daily serving of vegetables. - Sincerely, CDC

Casey Sean Harmon said...

Wow...This is sooo funny! I'm hooked!

Andi said...

That blob of blue frosting on the bottom cake is gonna look the same coming out as it did going in!

green said...

I'm not sure if this will make you feel better, but this is currently my favorite blog (of two, shush!) that I read.

I think it's a careful balance of colorful pictures (ooh! pretty pictures syndrome), witty monologue, and anencephalic bunny-cakes that do it.

Chedder Fish said...

If it helps for the future- the modern term for yarmulke is kippah (key-pa)

Lizzi K. said...

Wow. It looks like Easter threw up on those cakes.

*moggit girls said...

This blog is BRILLS!!!

J&J

Melissa (& Billy) said...

Happy Sping!


...what? Don't you all celebrate Sping? 0_o

Lesley said...

Geez.... just 'bout anybody could get a job decorating cakes huh?

Passion Fruit said...

The last wreck is most painful. wow.

just...wow. Why would someone do that to another person on their birthday?

wow.

Everything else gave me the cynigiggles(cynical giggles). I know, I'm smarft.


WV: munce - rhymes with dunce.

Liza said...

That pink and purple head with the bulging eyes totally looks like a pacman on acid ;)

Anonymous said...

The last one looks like Bob(The guy from Monsters vs. Aliens)

Carrie said...

i'm just wondering in what context did the word "yarmulke" come up in connection with easter or good friday?

Anonymous said...

I *think* that the blue blob one is a pond.

Lynn said...

I made a cake for Easter with real PEEPS as decorations...it's cute to me but I have this horrible feeling it might be a Wreck too...glad Easter over 'cause I'm safe now ! LOL

UNLESS...yikes !

Silvia said...

Hello, I just have to say that I haven't laugh so hard in a looooong time, I even cried! my husband came to see what I was looking at.

love your blog, you made my day

thephantombloggerstrikes said...

Okay, my goal was to pick the worst cake out of this bunch. It was very tough, but I've gotta go with CW 5.
Candy Bar ears? twizzler whiskers? & for some reason it looked slightly nauseated. Me too, yuk!


#5

Jo & John said...

Happy "Sping" made me cry laughing! What a CLASSIC!!!!! Love the site and am feeling decidedly superior about my own cake decorating skills.

Jo & John said...

God! "Happy Sping" made me cry laughing. I'm feeling quite smug about my own cake decorating skills after looking at this FANTASTIC site.

Sarah G said...

Thank you for the laughter therapy! I love how the bunny cakes just got better and better. I started laughing at the green bug-eyed rabbit and had to stop at the pink blob for 5 minutes until I stopped crying from laughing. You made my day :)

Anonymous said...

According to my 4 y/o the pink thing in photo #6 w/white ears is a "crab in the rain cake". It is worth noting that he usually guesses the other cakes correctly.

Anonymous said...

OMG, I wanna play impale the flotsam!!!!

jane said...

Ahhhhh hahahahaha!!!! "I want to kick this cake" :D I know the feeling ;)
Oh and I think the "It's got white ears so it must be a bunny" cake it really a cat fish cake :P
Thanks for the laughs!!!!!
Jane Reyes