So on behalf of myself and childless women everywhere, I'd just like to say the following.
Attention Baby Shower Cake Creators:
You're SO Not Helping.
You're SO Not Helping.
Seriously, would YOU want to give birth after seeing this cake?
Helen S., I can't tell if that's mom's front or backside, but either way I think I'd be shoving the sucker back in.
Not that showing the (anatomically) correct egress is any better, though:
Egads! I've heard of childbirth making your legs feel all rubbery, Greg C., but this is just ridiculous. Plus, I thought that the First Censored Cake Wreck would dissuade this kind of thing. Well hellooo, backfire!
I mean it, ladies: stop with the fondant genitalia on shower cakes already! Yeesh, it's bad enough seeing it in all of your "Check Out this Hi-LAR-ious Wreck from Master Bakers!" e-mails. [shudder] Nightmares, folks: I have them*.
Now, if you really want to give me a little pick-me-up (IF ya know whadda mean) why not send over some Trekkie goodness of the Vulcan variety? Or heck, I'll even take McCoy - or Sheppard or McKay, while we're on the geek streak. Just make sure they're tastefully done. So, you know, in lots of chocolate. [eyebrow waggle]
*Speaking of which, if you're not subscribed to my Twitter feed you missed out on some ripe hilarity of the "Jen's-too-naive-to-know-what-this-naughty-word-means" yesterday. Check it out, if you dare....
UPDATE: Hey, commenters! If you're referencing my Twitter debacle, please don't use the "naughty" word, ok? A lot of kids read this site, and we don't need them Googling it. Thanks!
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120 comments | Post a Comment
One of our favorite sayings at birthday parties is "I want the eye" - a constant repeat of something my young nephew yelled over and over when presented with a dog cake years ago. I wonder what he would want on this cake???? Ugh!
Argh!! An alien baby is hurtling out of your stomach!
Now that freaks me out....GROSS!!!!!
Whatever happened to pretty and sweet shower cakes?
Geez....
Guess I'm part of that "mind like driven snow club" I looked and thought, "Oh what a cute claddagh"...and about three seconds later came the forehead smack and the epiphany moment along with a groan that brought co-workers running to look and I had to quickly hide my Firefox window. *snickers* Maybe I should get a twitter account after all.
As for the cakes on the blog, that first one totally reminds me of Alien...or maybe Spaceballs. Either way it's positively hair raising. And I love the dead-eyed expression on the bottom one. Yes dear, that expression is what you'll be wearing for the whole of their teenage years. Trust me.
That is so wrong! I would have had a fit if I got that push cake for my baby shower. Yuck!
I'm pretty sure that first one is based on a Sheila-na-gig. But it's weird anyway. Cuz of the clothes. The clothes look like a shirt and pants, creating the impression that the baby's head is emerging from the mother's NAVEL. ICK.
I'm having a baby in August and I think I'm going to skip the whole baby shower idea.
These cakes are going to be my excuse. Who could argue with me?
-Alouette
I looked at your twitter.
No. No. No. No. No. No. No.
I mean, if you'd posted that, you'd also have to post "two girls, one cup [cake]." - AND DON'T FOR THE LOVE OF MIKE GOOGLE THAT ONE EITHER!
ew, fondant genitalia
WRONG WRONG WRONG! Those two are just too wrong to even be allowed. Whoever thought them up needs the ole DiNozzo Head Slap (NCIS, folks!).
Gag me.
~Amy B.
You'd take Shep, McKay but not Ronan? I'm not sure how dreds would look in fondant tho so maybe you are right. Thanks for making me laugh out loud with yesterday's post! wams352
Heh. Sheppard and McKay. :) If we're going there, I'd prefer Daniel Jackson, please.
If I were every to have kids & have a baby shower & anyone brought anything remotely looking like either of these cakes... I would have to shove it in their face & blame it on crazy hormones!
Wow.
Those are just wrong on a few levels.
Bright side - it would help us who are watching calories not want to eat the cake!
I didn't "see" anything, either, except a badly done Claddagh ring (hands, heart, crown). I'm content with my ignorance.
so THAT's where babies come from!
i went to your twitter page. can't say that i have a clue what you're on about, though.
OMG! The whole Alien baby out of the belly thing is totally creepy! And how did it get a binkie in it's mouth while in the womb? Or, maybe I shouldn't ask, lol. And as for the second cake, I'm afraid....I'm just afraid.
What could be less appetizing?
No, don't answer that!
Gotta love it when cakes need censored!
Oh for the love of all that is sugary! I may never have children after seeing these! Who knew fondant could scarred one for life!
I think that top cake is a baby coming out of a bellybutton. I personally might like the more explicit cakes for a baby shower, I don't have kids because I think pregnancy is disgusting so why not share that with everybody.
Ewww, I think the baby might actually be busting out of her navel! Which is the creepiest most Alien-esque thing I can think of. Well, that and thinking about where it got the pacifier from. Ugh.
I must be too innocent to get the Twitter thing at all. I've never thought Claddagh were smutty.
The bottom looks like jeans and the top a t-shirt. Perhaps the baby is supposed to be (inexplicably) trying to escape via the belly button?
Ummm....ewwwwww.
I would like to thank my friends for NOT getting me these cakes (or anything remotely similar) for my baby showers!!
...Did I remember to say EWWWWW??
Word verification "endoma". Sounds fitting, but all I can think of is Ewwww.
The first one is so disturbing. At first (and second) glance, I thought the baby's mouth was green and that was its pink tongue. Finally figured out that it might be a pacifier. Maybe. And the second is so wrong-the legs, the breasts, the graphic birth. The flowers are very pretty though.
*bleugh*
that is so yuck!
wv burstis - says it all :)
I have three daughters and if either of these cakes would have been at a shower for me, I think I would have taken a knife and smeared the frosting so no one would know what was supposed to have been on the cake. How distasteful!
And why do they insist on making the in-labor cakes with fully naked women? You get a hospital gown, for goodness sake!
Must've been done by a male baker.
Gross, just gross. I'm 5 months pregnant and am in a ball crying in the corner.
I'm days (hours?) away from delivering my third baby and can only wish my boobs looked as perky as Wobbly Legged Birthing Woman in cake #2.
OMG! Is that child coming out of her belly button?!?! Very, very strange! What a way to celebrate the impending birth of your child! A belly button birth cake or the huge hip, rubbery legs graphic cake....and where did my family and friends go wrong with a traditional cake for my shower! I think my MIL would have died if I had asked for this type of cake for my shower HAHA! ~MJ
Wow. Just Wow.
Definitely no a part of the cake that I want!!
Daily Gif Blog
DB
I am glad in a way, sort of that I'm unable to bear children in I have to have a shower cake that looks like this - I would hope my friends would have the taste and maturity not to do something like this -
And then on to the twitter thing - I don't get it - I really don't, really and would like it explained to me like I'm a 4 year old please.
I could not figure out what was wrong with the "Claddagh ring cake" so I looked further. Now I wish I did not know.
Honestly, what is it about you Colonials that you're so prudish? OK, I could understand covering up the genitalia, but women's breasts are are too salacious, even when made of icing? Jeeeeesus.
add me to the list of pure as snow. I looked at it a bunch of times and I don't get it. I have NO idea what is so bad about the claddagh cake. Aside from being poorly rendered.
I'm dieing to know. here's my emai, if anyone has a minute to clue me in: huntersnob@juno.com You can't offend me, really, just tell me!
The shower cake is just nasty. Who really wants THAT on the table at thier shower??
sick, sick, sick. i'm liking cake less and less these days...
Is that first one a C-section cake? Or an homage to Alien? Either way, I think (read: HOPE) that if I have a shower for the second kid that my pals will choose a tastefully-decorated 1/2-sheet.
"Fondant Genitalia" is a great band name, though.
That second one looks like it was baked by some horndog with a glorified version of childbirth. Really, the cake could be SO much worse.
Angie (from over at www.HalfAssedKitchen.com)
Gee, I was trying to think of an idea for my lil sis's baby shower cake. Hmmmm?
NOT!
I think I'll go cake pops a la Bakerella!
My thanks to Jen. You have finally helped me come to terms with my decision to "shut down the factory".
Kudos to you! (and these amazingly bad cakes)
Aww so you finally learned the g-word, eh? :) This is a big moment.
huntersnob@juno.com: One explanation email, coming at you.
I don't know what it says about me that I saw what it was right away. What can I say? I have weird friends, and they like to share the disgusting things they find online. Can't say I understand why, but I've learned not to give in to my sick curiosity by looking. Oh, the horror.
Master Bakers? OK that's gonna be stuck in my head all day like a bad song
I too am somewhat glad I will probably never have to worry about being on the receiving end of these cakes
Ok, the cake is freaky.
But seriously, not NEARLY as freaky as the real thing.
I think of these cakes as public service announcements. People need to be aware.
But then again, the shower is really too late. They should be purchased for teenage birthday parties and accompanied by a CD of screaming babies played at max volume.
Do we really have to censor frosting? Are we that prudish? We can see violence of any sort but gods forbid we see a frosting nipple!
Stop showing your frigidity or just don't post cakewrecks with people parts that you find too risque and ohmygods-think-of-the-children to post. Way to promote the Puritanism.
I do not believe that any of these cakes can be good for expectant mothers. What on earth is wrong with a nice layer cake that says "Coming soon!"?
Creepy. They're all like something out of a Ridley Scott movie (and I don't mean Thelma and Louise).
Ok, wow. huntersnob now gets it.
That is ALSO wrong, tho I stil dont really see it in that cake.
Carrie6583 at gmail.com if you wanna tell me what it is - I have a very vague thought but as gross as you're saying it is - well I don't still don't get it.
I think this is probably meant to represent a caesarian, but I could be horribly wrong. It is pretty horrid-looking.
Having given birth to two children, I can state that neither time was anything like those two cakes.
What the heck is wrong with cute little flowers or a baby carriage on a cake?
Why are people expected to eat babies or women in the process of giving birth?
I see nothing wrong with Jen censoring whatever parts she wishes to censor. Every day, I read posts that say, ...my six-year-old thought it was a..." etc. This blog isn't a democracy; it's an expression of Jen's world "cake" view. It's also one of the best blogs, ever!
Eeeeew! Those should be shown in sex education classes.It could bring down the rate of teen pregnancy.
I'm also stumped on the claddagh - will someone please fill me in? The curiosity is killing me!! bekahrotert@gmail.com
Thanks!!!
Add me to the mind like driven snow club as well. I have no idea what the crap is wrong with it.
If you wanna e-mail me, I would love it! I hate being dumb!
Meichelle_w@hotmail.com
Good god, you anonymous attackers are annoying. First off it's not your blog it's Jen's blog and I think that means she can run it as she sees fit. Secondly she chose to keep it as clean as possible because there's a fair number of kids that look at CW every day.
I could frankly give a flying flip if I see icing nipples but it's her executive decision to keep Cakewrecks as friendly as it can be for all ages. If you don't like it you don't have to look at it and you certainly don't have to comment on it with your scathing but misguided rhetoric.
I guess the legs of rubber is why we needed to see the second one again? It really is just identical to Olivia's lovely entry (or exti as the case may be). As for the first... I just HOPE that's her belly button and it's just some abstract representation.... cuz otherwise I might have to hurl.
Never mind. Got it. Wow. That is dirty. Way dirty.
I wouldn't be shoving it back, I'd be calling Sigourney Weaver.
It does remind me of what I thought for a while as a kid. I knew where babies grew before they were born, but I didn't know how they got out. I figured that the mother must have a little door on her back that opened up and the baby fell out, kind of like the battery compartment on the back of some talking doll I had.
When I tell this to women who have had kids, they usually say something like, "if only!"
And you guys, it took me a while to figure out what the Twitter was about, but then I realized what it was people thought that looked like. It is a photograph that's been circulating on the net for years. It's kind of like the sheila-na-gig someone else linked, which is more or less my initial reaction to that cake (the sheila-na-gig is borderline NSFW, but you may get away with it because it's traditional art). See also Georgia O'Keefe's orchid paintings and what people have thought those look like.
But the thing Twittered about is worse and definitely, definitely, extremely NSFW. I really mean that. I hate saying this because I know it will only make people want to see it even more, but I promise, seeing will not really make it better, just worse in a different way. It's true, it cannot be unseen.
If you must, go find the entry "List of Internet Phenomena" on Wikipedia - it's included in that list. But don't do it at work. Really.
You know, I was just reminded of another thing... a friend of mine was "graduating" from an OB rotation and found... honestly... vagina-shaped cupcake molds for her party. I never saw the resulting cup cakes, and I'm pretty happy about that....
After being a longtime reader, I am pretty sure your plan to not have children stems from the fear of cake wrecky good(bad?)ness that would be delivered to your house :)
Anyhow, I would be mortified by either of these two cakes. Scary. Wrong.
Lurked the Twitter, saw the cake and immediately thought of the evil it resembles :x Some things you really can't un-see.
and @ the anti-Puritan anonymous... when have you ever seen violence on Cake Wrecks? Your argument fails.
Wait. Babies *don't* come out of belly buttons? Oh...
It's not just "make me want to never have kids," it's also "make me want to never eat cake again."
Ugh.
Ack, those are awful. The woman looks like a frog!
I was still confused about the Claddagh when I started to post this comment...
And then something clicked.
The interesting thing is that if you've seen Stephen Colbert on the Today Show with Meredith or Whoopi with Leno talking about twitter, you'll realize how much I'm starting to associate the networking site with... things.
Pass me the bleach for my own eyes, Jen. Or someone teach me how to unsee.
AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! That's all I could think of when this monstrosity popped up on my screen. Hadn't even read anything yet. It's the bug-eyed baby from hell! It's demon possessed, I tell you!!! I mean, srsly! I am sooooo creeped out right now. Good thing I'm not planning on having kids for another couple of years. Might have to stay away from this site when we do decide to go for it!
For yet another round of naked fondant women giving birth. . .there are no words. Well, except owwww, when I look at those legs.
WV: barump - Fondant woman needs to cover her barump.
I don't get the Claddagh cake. I'm not sure if I see something or not - everyone seems to be implying that it's obvious. Since it's not obvious to me, I guess I dont' see it.
What's with Cake #2's boobs being at neck level? I hate bridal/baby showers anyway. If anybody dared give me a cake like either of these...well, nobody better dare, that's all I gotta say on it.
hummm it is bad enough that at Baby showers the experienced moms feel the need to share their most horrible birthing stories ever, now we have cakes chasing off future mothers too! sigh
perhaps it's a way to control the population. LOL!
My baby shower cake had a cute picture of Peter Rabbit (my baby's room theme) on it.
Reminds me of a joke. A woman was at the hospital preparing to deliver and the nurse came in to check on her. As the nurse lifted the drape, out popped the baby! The baby looked at her and said "are you my daddy?" The nurse was shocked and went to get the doctor! The doctor lifted the drape, and out popped the baby! The baby looked at him and said "are you my daddy?" The doctor was amazed! He ran to get the father, saying "your baby is a genius!! He can talk already and he's asking for you!" So the father sat down at the foot of the bed and lifted the drape. Out popped the baby! The father's eyes moistened with tears of pride as the baby said "are you my daddy?" "Yes! I am your daddy!" The baby leaned over and began to hit his father repeatedly on the forehead, saying "well, this is what it's been like for the past 9 months. Now can I get some sleep?"
Holy Inappropriateness!
That push baby push one...is that really a standard that is out there in cake world? I've seen it more than once...scary :S
Funny!! Thanks for the laughs! LOL!
I'll have a McKay please, but not in chocolate as I don't like that - how about vanilla fudge? Mmmm... though I'm not sure I could actually eat him!!
As for the cakes - yeah, I'm with you on this. Totally freaking me out and making me very glad husband and I decided against having kids. *shudder*!!
Cakes are so disgusting....comments so hilarious...keep it up.
I think you're all over reacting.
I think the cakes are fun and funny. What better reason to have a funky cake than when you're about to crap out a baby?
mmmmm...Sheppard or McKay would be nice, but I probably would frame it i nstead of eating it.
Good...gosh. I've had three kids and I would be so disturbed receiving any of these. The sad thing about the second one is that it was so pretty underneath the naked chic. Plus, the boobs look so obviously like what a man would want his wife's boobs to look like, this cake was probably made by a man!
I keep forgetting that not only do you have an awesome cake blog/sense of humor, but you're a not-so-closeted sci-fi fan! You'll appreciate this - my fiancee and I have semi-seriously talked about having two cakes at our reception, a 'normal' wedding cake and a cake of a stargate. And honestly, one of the things that keeps it from being a more serious topic is that after seeing what some of the cakes here look like, I shudder to think about what someone could do while trying to do a design as 'simple' as a large blue-swirled ring.
I think that baby on that first one is actually coming out of the belly button. Which, really, doesn't make it a whole lot better.
Either way, they're all just wrong!
Okay, am I the only one thinking, "Aaaawww...sweet Renesmee!" to cake #1?
And cake #2, there's nothing sweet about that. Plech!!
Rubber legs on cake #2: You are in another dimension of pain at that point in childbirth, your legs could be in that wiggly place in the space/time continuum.
I always said I would consider having a child if kids came out of the womb potty-trained, ambulatory and literate.
But I sure as heck wouldn't want one coming out with a passy in its mouth.
Holy crap!
@Karen
ROFL spot on!!
Wow. The only thing that could top this level of weirdness is a C-section themed cake. With a lot of women now planning the birth of their child by opting for C-sections..we might want to keep that amongst ourselves so some crazed cake decorator doesn't run with it.
Oh yeah, thanks for speaking up for the "women who have no children but who must throw baby showers" contingent out there. I just threw one that banned games, alcohol flowed freely, and no cake decorations were allowed. Cheers!
Hmmm, a C section cake vs natural childbirth. Verrrrrrrrrrrrrrry eeen-teresting.
*shakes head sadly*
Hilarious!
Um, yeah and you're totally not alone... I have no idea why that cake is supposedly obscene, nor do I have any clue what the word is...?
GAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!! A CALL FOR ATLANTIS WRECKS!!!!
*bows down and worships the great Jen*
I am quivering in anticipation of the Star Trek/Stargate Wrecks.
mmmm, Ronan Dex on a cake. Yum!
Hi,
The first one is quite funny, namely for the somewhat realistic textures and its composition.
Kind regards,
José
I should know better than to eat while reading this blog.
*retch*
Oh, and to top it off, the Word Berification thingy I'm asked to type below says "whenis". Nice.
@karen
haha! right on!
and i dont get the claddagh cake can anyone explain?
sevenmarie yahoo.com
o.0
That second cake is so similar to the earlier censored cake, could it possibly be a copy just for fun?
Because I could see one person thinking something that squicky was a good idea, but not two... <.<
can i just say...after a long day with home school kids...that coming here...and laughing just makes it all better.
thank you for your wit.
lauren
Shannan said...
"...With a lot of women now planning the birth of their child by opting for C-sections..."
************************
WHAT? Are you really not kidding???
As in, serious???
WHAT? When did this happen? I had all three of mine by C-section, but it certainly wasn't something I "opted" for --they were all medical emergencies!
WHAT?- kind of doctor would agree to such a thing? (I'm picturing the AFLAK DUCK here!!)
And mainly--WHY?
Since I've managed to recover somewhat from my teeny little snit over elective Caesarians, I will now proffer my humble opinion on these grand tributes to Motherhood.
Here it is:
I wouldn't have used little censoring rectangles to black out the realities of the miracle of childbirth on the "here it IS" cake. UH-uh.
I would have blacked out the whole nauseating cake--and I don't mean the photo. The real cake. Damn, it better taste good as a cake, because it sure is a *tasteless* display of grossosity.
Whatever happened to CLASS??
HUH? HUH??
HUH?????? =^??^=
My 7 year old just asked if that first one was E.T.
Then she said, "Oh is this Cake Wrecks?"
LOL
I didn't think I was living a sheltered life but apparently I am. What the hell is Sheil-na-gig supposed to be? Bronze age porn star perhaps?
wv..trini...as in Trini Lopez? I dunno I'm just stunned by the possibility of Sheil does County Cork on the adult dvd horizon.
I think the designer should ditch the pacifier and have the baby biting through the umbilical cord...
I would cry if that cake (or anything close to it) shows up at my baby shower!
Where can I see the picture of the scond one? without the censoring? (ZOMG pastry breasts!!! Fear!!! Fear!!!!!!!11ONE!!!)
oh wow, gross. also--just a thought-- don't think of it as childless... think of it instead as child-free. :P
AUGH!!!! That first one.. just... AUGH!!!
wv: foofe.
These cakes aren't foofe like some, they're just frightening!
Man, those cakes are weird. Childbirth is a beautiful thing, but not on a cake...
And I figured out the twitter. Took me a while, though. At first I thought it was just because I have an innocent mind, but now I think it's because I repressed the original memory of when I saw the "thing" in question by accident a few years ago.
I AM NEVER GOING TO HAVE CHILDREN NOW. Thank you so much for sharing.
EW!!!
People EAT these cakes?
Jentry
The first cake reminded me of a German book that I have seen for children to explain to them the "birds and the bees". It is a touch graphic, so, you should look at it before you show your kids. But I do have to say that I was rolling on the floor laughing when I saw this. Even in you don't know German it is really funny!
http://www.planetdan.net/pics/babies/index.htm
I actually think that the Connie cake is really funny :D
Seriously, I was drinking when I saw that first cake and ALMOST spit my water out.
WOWWW!!! i gotta say the giving birth cake is the best cake i ever seen.
The Claddagh cake is disturbing because the hands look real and it does look like a Sheela-na-gig. While I think they're very interesting, it's not something I want on a cake. The Claddagh rings are cool, because it's all a single color and the hands are a bit stylized.
The Alien baby- ewww. The nekkid woman one- ewww. Not that I dislike nekkid women, but that's just a little too... something. Birth and food ought not really mix.
I'd want a pretty cake, maybe a flower or some confetti, and a little inscription about expectant mom or something.
deeply, deeply, deeply disturbing. i was happily eating an apple while scrolling through the posts and now i have just put my apple down!!
Goatse?
GRAH.
Okay, you have now inspired me to drag myself out of my lurking.
I am going to say this not just because of the Sheppard and McKay yars, although that inspired it fully, but also for several other reasons (which I am too tired and/or lazy to post now): I LOVE YOU.
-hyperventilates-
Okay.
Okay.
By the way, although I haven't managed to get to a convention yet, I have a penchant for kilts and am in the process of making my own Goa'uld ribbon device, so I seem to be on the vague track heading towards the area of following in thy geeky footsteps. Unfortunately, because I am lazy, I only know two words of Klingon and they are both very rude indeed. But I'm working on it.
And now that I have sufficiently scared the Staazula out of you, I am going away now. Farewell.
I feel sorry for the poor sap that had to eat the nude woman on the second one.
2nd one is kind of nice in it's own way I don't know why people censor this stuff, but I wouldn't want that presented to me as food for the same reason I think cakes that look like real babies are really messed up.
The first one is just disturbing & should've been the one to receive a totally black out censor. I mean LOOK at that thing! I am going to have nightmares now.
lol unbelieveable...thats funny, gross..and everything else in between. xx
HEY! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY!
WAIT A GOSH DARN MINUTE.
What do you mean "You'll even take McCoy" !?!?!
WHAT IN THE BLAZES!?
Yes, this absolutely calls for excessive capslocking! McCoy's the BEST ONE! BY FAR.
Yes, I'm talking about the original one. Didya think I was some darn pre-schooler who only started Trekkin' cuz of the new movie and it's pretty boys? No, I'm talkin' 'bout the glory of De Kelley here! (Although Urban did a good job, too. I'll give him that)
POINT IS: TEAM MCCOY! YEAH!(cue music)
(This message was approved by James T. Kirk)