Just don't get your cutie-patootie any of these:
Sure, it looks like an internal organ: just not the right one.
These could lead to a lot of fun "what's that supposed to mean?" conversations:
I don't know about you guys, but when I refer to myself in the third person in conversations with John (which is especially fun at parties), I usually prefer the designations "baby" and "your lover".
"Baby, your lover would like you to take the trash out."
"Baby, your lover is going to the store."
"Baby, your lover gets the not-so-subtle hint from your Valentine's present..."
"...but your lover has a headache." (cue "Broken Arrow" by Rod Stewart)
Now, these cake/cookie things may suffer from the whole bum-crack affliction:
...but they still look way more appetizing than these:
Gabrielle H., Maya C., Anne M., Kandace H., Michael H., & Ben O., John's lover thanks you.