Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Phony

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

I'm kind of a "if it ain't broke don't fix it" girl. Which is why, despite John's ridicule and the fact that it technically IS broken, I still use the first cell phone I ever got after we were married. Sure, it's older than most first graders, the camera no longer works, no headset on earth fits it, and it's dented in several places from my throwing it across the room while playing Psychonauts (love that game), but darn it all, I just figured out how the menu works.

Anyway, I mention all this because today I got a harsh reminder of just how old my phone is:

Yep, old enough to appear as a plastic toy on a Wreck.

And not just ANY Wreck, but one that's ugly as vomit-streaked sin and suffering from a severe identity crisis to boot. Is it a going-away cake? A birthday cake? Both? "Happy Birthday, Billy. Now Daddy and I gotta go! Bye!"

I could also mention the punctuation, spacing, and CCC issues, but really I just can't get over this phone-clone thing. In fact, I think I need to photograph my phone just to show you I'm not making this up. Check it out:

See? Of course, the fact that I wanted to show off my new Mickey Munny doll had nothing to do with it, Christina B. (But isn't he cute?)
Anonymous said...

I had a moment of severe phone envy the other day after watching too many commercials for the new iPhone and Blackberry with their cool little games, etc. My phone just, well, makes calls, sends text, and could connect to the internet at a ridiculously slow speed if I really wanted. And yet... that's what it's supposed to do. It's a *phone.*

Oh, and the cake is ugly! I definitely wouldn't have paid more than $12 for it, if even that!

Word verification: defuncr, what many of these cakes are to the intended parties

Jennifer said...

I love that it's on sale.
Priceless.

Kathryn said...

Love Psychonauts.

Leslie said...

What an odd inscription. I think this is a cake from some inconsiderate traveling parent that was trying to give a phone order message while talking on another phone.
*on phone one* "What's up? Gotta go out of town!"
*on phone two* Oh yeah the cake...umm...how about "Happy Birthday"
*decorator* Qua?

Anonymous said...

My favorite part is that it's on sale.

Starbuck said...

Yes, he's very cute. So cute that I forgot the cake and really want that Mickey Munny (is it supposed to be Mummy? Because I don't know what "munny" is).

Julie said...

Oh my gosh, I love Psychonauts too!

jengersnap said...

I love that it's discounted too. It's a reject trifecta.

Alix said...

iityrLook on the bright side... at least you can have vomit-streaked sin for under $12.00!

Woot! Woot!

The Pink Queen Albatross said...

I don't understand what the connection of any of the cake is. We have the phone, ugly background, "we gotta go!" and "Happy Birthday!". There is about 4 different messages on that cake.

Fluffy Cow said...

Forget the cake (and the phone)... I want one of those Mickeys!

Anonymous said...

Wouldn't it make more sense to throw your controller during the Meat Circus, rather than your phone?

Jamie said...

The dialogue on this cake is definitely the best. It was as if the decorator was having a conversation with herself thinking of what to add and decided to add it all.

Toni Marie said...

I'm sure it will come up in other comments here (when they're posted all at once) ... but it appears THIS wreck was something that the original person wouldn't purchase. The inscription is bizarre enough to suggest there was a backstory.

But now it's marked down, and the cake board is scribbled with "Happy Birthday" to try to move it out the door. For that reason, it's one of my favorite wrecks.

TooBlue said...

Have you managed to beat the Meat Circus? I have NEVER been able to do it and it makes me cry.

Also, big ups for old phone love. I practically have to crank mine.

HorribleLicensePlates said...

They forgot "IDK my BFF Jill"

Litza said...

That's the best phone ever. I kept mine until AT&T FORCED me to take a free phone because their network wouldn't support that one. After two years, I still haven't had the heart to actually toss the thing.

I'm glad that you don't take it for granted! Enjoy it while you can!

HuianaSukari said...

its okay. i just upgraded, cause someone stole my phone at the mall over x-mas. what any one wanted with the first flip phone with a camera is beyond me. I had it forever, like, 6 years, and in phone world, that's decades. the screen was cracked, you reallly had to push to dial a 2, you know? I think the toy flip phones are fancier. I now have a newer bar phone. I picked it cause it was pretty plain,but it has the Music ID thing, and I didn't expect it to, so thats pretty cool. If it hadn't been stolen, I probably would still be chuggin along with my old one tho. It still worked fine.

Ketutar said...

No wonder one's gotta go with a cake like that, and why one is out of town when it's time to eat the cake.

Thank you for this blog. I haven't laughed this much for months :-D

glitzee76 said...

I used to have that phone! I think it is still kicking around in a drawer somewhere.

Mella said...

My phone doesn't even have a multi color screen .

I guess it's a free for all occasion cake

Brooke said...

Ugly as vomit streaked sin! That is a new one and I love it! Seriously though, Update your phone!!

Eagle Archambeault said...

I find it hilarious that just the other week, my partner saw the little toy cellphones in our grocery store and commented how much they looked like his phone. I too had an old cellphone until recently (actually I still have it, it just doesn't work anymore) so I upgraded to one that actually is semi-modern - whoo!

Amy said...

This cake makes absolutely no sense at all, and the colour scheme is downright nasty..YUCK!!!!
~Amy B.

Danielle said...

I knew my phone was old when I saw it pictured on one of those donate your old phone bins.

shahinrani said...

Yeah, I still have the first cell phone I ever got - May 2003. No camera. Still works perfectly (even after I dropped it down that flight of concrete steps in college). The battery life is starting to go though...

I Love Baby Quilts! said...

I think a mid-50's cake decorator was trying to mimic what pre-teens might say on the phone. I took it as a middle school birthday cake for a talkative girl. But the question remains as to why any person with eyes in their head would make a cake in those colors.

Brittany said...

I know this is the most unrelated thing, but why are you saving $7.79 and paying $11.69? that means the cake was originally $19.48... and while that may have been a good year for some, it's a really odd price, and an even odder discount... i'm sure there's a mathematical explanation but since the "cake" itself is horrifying, i went for the more hidden befuddlement

Half Assed Kitchen said...

I'm hanging on to my cruddy old phone and hoping that someday I can use it as a topper on my kids' graduation cake.

Angie (from over at www.HalfAssedKitchen.com)

thisbagisnotatoy said...

My phone was older (from 1998), but two years ago I learned it no longer works in all 50 states . . .

There's a river in the middle of the cake, I'm pretty sure. But whatever the person ordered, which I'm sure was fraught with personal meaning, I think "designers" are charged with making it look okay. Otherwise we'd all make our own cakes, or just murmur something while handing one another Twinkies. (Uh, it needed to be said.)

No amount of retconning can make this worth spending money on. Prying the cupcakes apart and scrambling them like a puzzle, to obliterate any hint of intentional communication, would move them faster.

Guity -- how some wreckerators who can't spell feel at the end of a work day.

Clara said...

I have that exact phone! And I still use it as well =)

Anonymous said...

that mickey money is probably the lamest thing i've seen all week

Freezair said...

Given the game you're playing, and that cake, I can only think of one appropriate response to that monstrosity:

"Ahhh, it's so... tacky... Can't... look... directly at it..."

Lisa said...

My phone is way older than that. :-/ It makes calls and sends text messages. That is all. No Internet, no pictures, the screen is 1980-computer-monitor green.

Rhian said...

We have the same phone - and I still use mine, too.

I also cannot believe/am hugely amused that the cake is on sale.

Anonymous said...

Aw, don't feel bad, Jen - I had the exact same phone and only gave it up when my call company offered me a new phone for free (which was about two years ago, but still). Of course, my "new" phone is pretty old by now, too...

Oh, and the cake is *really* ugly. ^^

XOXO said...

Wait - what's wrong with that phone? *I* have that phone. Still works - most of the time.
When I get a new one, I'll use it to put on someone's going-away cake.
You know, a whole Keep-in-touch - touch.

XOXO

beth said...

That "cake" was so ugly, I failed to notice it was an evil CCC until it was mentioned in the write-up. I think the colors blinded me.

(My phone is only three years old, although it wasn't even a fancy model when I bought it. I can still make and receive calls, which is my main requirement.)

John said...

Loved that phone. I eventually had to replace it because the metal contacts in the phone didn't work right and it was very hard to charge.

Sarah Pearce said...

Someone HAS to make a cake like your Mickey Munny doll. That would rock.

h3llc4t said...

If you liked Psychonauts, check out Grim Fandango, the same team's game before Psychonauts. It's available on PC and super cheap (they did a rerelease a few years ago). AWESOME game.

wrench0626 said...

Ok, I feel old. My first phone was one I inherited from my older sister in the mid nineties. The screen was greenish grey and black. The aerial pulled out. The sim card was the size of a credit card. Camera? Don't be absurd, it barely managed 30x40 monochrome bitmaps! And I have no idea how they got there! And there was no way you could fit it into a pocket unless you were borrowing your clothes from MC Hammer.

It had Snake though. I miss Snake, even if I do have a pretty nifty Sudoku game on my current phone.

Alisa said...

LOL, I had that phone, too. Sold it two years ago to a guy for $25! Then I "bought" (got free with renewal) the next Sony-Ericsson model(Z520a) which has the *exact* same menu system.

Anonymous said...

I have to laugh too! Just realised that my phone is "older than most 1st graders" too - I was about 3 months pregnant with my current 1st grader when I got it. Still doing fine; on 2nd earphone; might replace the battery some time. I'm using it now to listen to the radio. Phone, text and radio - that was state of the art when I bought it :) And still all I need.

slycreations said...

Oooh...
We need a "Design a cakewreck Munny" contest!

For those that don't know what a Munny is, go to http://www.kidrobot.com/2008/munny/

phillygirl64 said...

I was so mad...as soon as I bought my new BlackBerry, they came out with the Bold and the Storm...I kept my old RAZR so I wouldn't have to buy new Tetris and Solitare games ;)

I have one of those 2-ton cell phones from the 80s that could be installed IN THE CAR

wv: litub...erm, I got nutthin'

G.G said...

This is the funniest website I've ever seen!

"Thanks!"
underneat that
Best wishes!

From Single to Married said...

hey - at least you got a phone that has lasted a long time. Some of the newest models can't boast that (hello iPhone that keeps dying on me)!! :)

Catmania said...

Wonder how long it sat there before it was discounted?? Maybe it started out with different colors & didn't age well - lol. The "vomit-induced sin" remark is the funniest thing I have seen in a long time. As always thanks for brightening my day!!

Anonymous said...

I think it's even a CCC if you look closely around the edges...you can just make out the scalloped edges...

Leslie said...

I had a phone that was 5 yrs old with no intention of replacing it even though the 3 button didnt work but then my bf decided to help with laundry and washed it. I still miss that phone. sigh...

Jessi said...

Psychonauts is love. That cake is so not.

Scritzy said...

I got my first cell phone in the early 1990s. It was so big (relatively speaking) that I had a separate little purse just for the phone.

That is one butt-ugly CCC, and it must have a multiple personality since it can't decide what message it wants to convey.

Word verification: evera. "It's sure as heck as bad a wreck as evera wreck that was."

Anonymous said...

You should turn your Munny into a Disney-style mouse/Klingon hybrid.

Jo said...

Oh my goodness, that is the ugliest, most confusing cake ever!

Valerie Phoenixfire said...

AHHHH. YOU LIKE PSYCHONAUTS? That's my favorite game ever!

Okay, you were already awesome. Now you are MADE of awesome.

El Comodoro said...

It's incredible that after all these years of mocking my wife's ancient, uses-an-abacus-instead-of-a-computer-chip cellphone, you post THE SAME PHONE on Wrecks.

Is there something sinister in this Sony Ericsson that creates irrational loyalty in its disciples... I mean owners?

This is the kind of thing that would make me say the following in a phone conversation: "Out of town." So this cake's reduced? Boy, is it ever.

wolfmom said...

Ugly, ugly, ugly...this is why some people should never be allowed near an airbrush.

The Mickey doll is soooo cute.

Sophia Nightengale said...

Yes, Jen, he is VERY cute and the phone clone is freaking me out too!

WV: podermi WTF!?!?!?

Sadie Thompson said...

I had my previous cellphone for a few years, and when I went get it upgraded the guy at the store laughed in my face. He said, "You know they don't make these anymore," like it had a rotary dial or something. I got a new phone but it wasn't worth the humiliation.

edeabay said...

I was drawn out of my little lurker corner by your mention of Psychonauts. I can't get past the damn meat circus part where the water is rising and my dad is yelling at me... it's very traumatic.

As far as the cake goes, it is horrifying. I can't help but wonder if maybe the wreckarator thinks that "Out of Town" is an expression akin to "Out of sight!" or similar. Otherwise I can't understand why you would write it on a cake.

Christina B. said...

Yay i took this picture and it made it on! I'm so happy!

I saw it in Wal Mart and made my husband distract the bakery person so I could snap the picture with my camera phone.

Sweet! I loved that it was on sale too... can't imagine why! :)

Jenene said...

Your cell phone might be old, but it's still better than mine. Because I don't have one. I'm 23 years old, and I've never had a cell phone. I'm kind of proud of that fact.

hippix said...

i had that same phonee
and it still works
gotta love a phone that keeps on givin'...

Meagan said...

That cake looks like it could be older than your cell phone!

Mmmm Mold Coloured.
Who ever thought that a cake could be appetizing when it's THAT colour.



Don't feel too bad about your phone though - mine was marketed to pre-teens (it has pretty flashy lights LOL).


Word verification: Lingi - I didn't want to Lingi longer as looking at this cake made me want to hurl.

Lindsey said...

The phone comparison is sad. :(

In case no one else has done this, I will give you the nudge to give yourself permission to just LET IT GO. It's okay. You're still a good person if you buy a cell phone that belongs in this decade.

You get lots of kudos and applause from the "reduce, reuse, recycle" campaign for holding on to a working item and not becoming a consumer just for consuming's sake. But it's time to move on.

I'll get off my soap box. Just sayin' it because I care!

Jessica said...

That cake confuses and disgusts me.


and hey at least you have a cell phone! Too much money for me so I stick to the $5/month landline!!! People always look at me crazy when I tell them I dont have one :)

drgns4vr said...

I've been trying to figure out if it's a river or a road on that cake to take you out of town.
To Wrench 0626: I loved Snake. It was about the only game on my phone I could figure out how to play. Alas, the snake..I mean, the phone died and I had to replace it with something that lasted only half as long.

eliz said...

I would wager it's on sale because the person who ordered the cake took one look at that and said "Um...no. No way." And either walked away without paying or demanded a refund.

Becky said...

Psychonauts is amazing but the mind-brain-tank-evil battle sequence often causes me to throw random objects around. Usually at my partner who doesn't understand the epic hardness and glory of psychonauts.

Rachael M. said...

What does that mean, "Out of Town"??? Is that some newfangled teen lingo?? Who texts someone "Out of Town" unless they are LITERALLY out of town?

And honestly - wouldn't "g2g" be more proper than "Gotta Go"? And "ttyl"?

Maybe it's the sleep deprivation that comes with having a newborn, but I'm so confused. Amused, but confused.

Zombie Edward said...

Psychonauts made me want to break things.
I think if I saw this cake in person and thought about that game, the cake would be smashed onto the floor and would probably look better there than it does here.

Anonymous said...

Hmmm....it's my birthday today, and that cake sounds a lot like my phone call with my mom this morning. Will she get me another cell phone?

*cue "Twilight Zone" theme music*

---Blue Jean

Lauren said...

Two things.
One. I admire your ability to keep your phone in tact for so long. I've gone through at least 6 in the last five years...I'm a little abusive my cell phones. The one I have now though is remarkably sturdy, having withstood paint, water, and multiple cross-room throws. But kudos to you and your cell phone longevity! It's a great thing to have.

Two. Psychonauts is the best game ever. Aside maybe from Portal. Game on! :)

Annie said...

Phone twins!

And I love that phone.

Nutella Nutterson said...

The cake inscription is reminding me a bit of "Rocket Man," the Elton John song...

bitsie said...

LOL!
I was so amazed at the general hideousness of the cake I didn't even realize it was a CCC!

ksaldria said...

Ah, I see you have a "brick". Don't worry, those things last forever. Seriously.

liz said...

Maybe it's not a clone, maybe they just bought a bunch of old phones which they are now using as decorations?

And yay, Psychonauts!

Lillian said...

my mum has the same phone!
I find it quite hard to use, so I hate having to txt for her on it occasionally.
When my dad passed away, my mum say it was lighting up every morning around 6am something (I forget) which is the time my mum wakes my dad up before he passed away. Spooky or coincidence?

Zero said...

Pah, I have a Nokia 5110. Calls and text - good enough for me! It's been through our entire family and I love it. It also doubles as a defensive weapon in emergencies.

Christie said...

I LOVE PSYCHONAUTS!!!!!
And am I the only person that ever since I found this site I HAVE to make a trip to the bakery at the store??? :)

Tiffany said...

Omigosh, it's my phone!! You don't know how happy it makes me to see that someone else is still using that model after all these years - I feel validated! I wonder if that's actually a fake phone on the cake or if someone was inspired when they got a new one after having the Ericsson for so many years?

*walking into grocer's bakery* "Dude! My new phone came today, what should I do with the old one? ...Wait..."

Anonymous said...

I have that phone too!
and I still use it

Anonymous said...

Don't feel bad. At least your phone had a camera at one time! Mine doesn't have a camera, doesn't connect to the internet, and sends and receives text messages when it feels like it.

Vanessa said...

I possessed and CHERISHED that Sony Erickson for years until my sister borrowed and lost it. I still feel a pang of grief when thinking about the loss, so I guess that just adds another dimension of AUGH to this cake.

Anonymous said...

Don't feel bad, I have the original butterfly keyboard Nokia, AND another just like it purchased unlocked. My carrier keeps wanting me to "upgrade." I always say the same thing: "I LOVE my phone, it does all I tell it to and nothing I don't."

We are not alone and we are not going away.

[Dang, that sounds way tougher than it needs to for a cake blog. Jeepers, uh, let's color it unicorn-ish, ya' know, lighten it up some... I'm shutting up now.]
-A.

Sasha said...

I had that phone too!! It was amazing, so durable.

Yusecki said...

My friend just gave in and upgraded from her Nokia 3210, so old it has a yellow screen and pixel graphics!

Man, I want to paint that Mickey doll so badly!

ZZamboni said...

I also had that phone until a few months ago, when the little controller gave up and I couldn't do anything with the menus anymore. It's a really good phone! It's great that yours is still in working condition.

Wolvie Girl said...

The random! usage of! exclamation points is! almost! Shatneresque!

And about the phone - you mean you have one of those newfangled things with a camera? I bet it has a colour screen too. My unkillable Nokia 3315 is now 6 years old, and has none of that fancy schmancy stuff hehehe.

Word verification: gatisc - a sort of weird choking sound one makes when viewing a particularly horrendous cake wreck.

Greg said...

and again!

http://technology.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/tech_and_web/article5516511.ece

Anonymous said...

I love Psychonauts. I hate the Meat Circus.

Beckster said...

That was MY very first phone too. Sad to say, but I have graduated way beyond that one, but i LOVED LOVED LOVED it!!! More power to you for still using it!!!

As to the cake, I just don't get it...

1st ward RS said...

It looks like the Disney Dough-boy.

Ell said...

I had one of those two phones ago. THEY WERE AWESOME. That was like the Nokia 3310 with a camera (which means good, since Nokia 3310's are like indestructible and are probably made of the same stuff they make the black box in planes of)!

But that was an ugly cake though.

Aphrodine said...

Psychonauts is pretty much the best game ever.

Anonymous said...

Psychonauts effing ROCKS!

Lillie said...

OMG! THAT'S MY PHONE! I, too, have been using it forever and refuse to get a new one.

Beverly said...

Uh...yeah. Well that's the phone my fiance used about three phones ago and gave me as an upgrade to mine. LOL So this one is not as bad as the one I HAD been using...

heartafire said...

"vomit-streaked sin....."

It's a day later and I'm still crying with laughter.

You are the greatest, Jen!
You deserve every blogging award out there.

In fact, nest time I am going to nominate you for Best Religion blog and Best Political Site, in addition to Food, Humor, Cooking, etc.

alicia said...

why bother discounting it? they should cut their losses, put it in the break room and add 'eat me' to the list of random phrases.

Gretchen said...

*My* cellphone is so old it's got a rotary dial! Okay, not really, but close.
Hey, Shahinrani, get a new battery for 10 bucks from Amazon & your phone will be like new! I just did that and now I can make a whole call without the battery dying!

Anonymous said...

What's a Mickey Munny?

CYW said...

I used to have that phone too. I'm sad that it broke because all the ones I had after it weren't as good! That phone had really user-friend menus and a good, solid feel.

Anonymous said...

Wow... speaking of Psychonauts, I think that cake is the same color as Bobby Zilch's canvas-of-decay gumline.

Anonymous said...

I understand hanging on to your phone completely. My current phone is eight years old, falling to pieces and most of the time the battery dies whenever someone calls it (I can only use it to send texts). I have been given two different new phones, but I just can’t bare to part with it/ do not want to learn how to use a new phone.

Claire said...

Psychonauts!

What's your favorite level? I think mine is Lungfishopolis.

Anonymous said...

The irony is that $11.97 is also probably the current value of your phone.

Anonymous said...

And by $11.97 I meant $11.69. What? I can't be expected to remember the entire price of something if I have to do something complicated in between like click on the comment section.

Mrs. Chaucer's Pirate said...

My phone was made before camera phones were invented. It has a monochrome display. Next to my phone, yours looks like the starship Enterprise.

Anonymous said...

Where did you buy the mickey munny doll from?
thanks!

MJS said...

I didn't even realize it was a CCC due to the myriad issues it's got going on. I think maybe the inscription was supposed to be a text message convo? But it should have been text speak then, no?

But I totally understand your phone thing. My wireless carrier contacted me to see if I didn't want to get a new phone because one as old as mine (only a preschooler, LOL) can't possibly still work. The sales rep didn't believe me when I said it still works perfectly (and I'd pass on paying more for fewer minutes for the privilege of buying a new phone).

SkierRMH said...

Am I seein' that right, or is the "Happy Birthday" not even on the cake?? Looks like it's on the paper on the bottom of the tray. Now that's creative :(

Vickipedia said...

i can't believe you got a Mickey Munny! AND it's a DIY one...you should make a cake-wreck Munny homage of some sort =)

Anonymous said...

I have that phone too. It's a sweet phone!

nc said...

Well, if all you want your phone to do is make calls and you don't really care what it looks like, then what's the point of a new phone. Personally, I'm one of those people who gets a new phone every six months or so.

Anonymous said...

Don't feel bad I have the exact same phone!!!!

Izzy said...

I had that same phone from 2003 up until about a year ago. I loved it so much! It had everything i needed. Glad to see that I am not the only one that had that phone for so long!

Carla said...

*gasp* I love the Mickey Vinylmation!

Michelle said...

For the record, I'm a 21 year old female and I had your phone less than a year ago. I loved it. Passionately.

Lauren said...

I love Psychonauts also!
One of the BEST games EVER :D

Scarlett Robyn said...

$11.69 for that cake? Boy, those people are STEEP!
Funny as always, thanx!




P.S. Your toy is CUTE!