Friday, December 19, 2008

When Gangsters Go "PC"

Friday, December 19, 2008

"Bugsy, whaddaya doin'?"

"Just decoratin' this here Christmas cake, boss."

"Bugsy, you can't write "Christmas" there - it's gonna offend somebody! An' don't call me 'boss'."

"Sorry, boss. Can I write 'happy holidays'?"

"Nah, dat'll offend people who don't celebrate no holidays."

"Can I just use red and green icin' and not write nuthin'?"

"Bugsy, ya knucklehead, think about it: red and green say 'Christmas', see? S'no good. Use a lotta blue - but not blue and white, mind, 'cause dat's all Hanukkah-like. Maybe try blue and poiple."

"Yeah, but what do I write, boss?"

"I dunno; Lil' Antony said it's just gotta be 'completely non-offensive-like, says nuthin' of substance, and don't reference no holidays.' Oh, and it can't start wit' 'happy' or 'merry', neither - people might think we're forcing our 'emotional views' on 'em, whatever da heck dat means."

[sigh] "Ok, boss."

"Don't call me 'boss'."

Wow, Tanya C., I'm getting filled with the holiday spirit just looking at this. I think the underline really sells it, don't you?
justfrosting said...

Another genius wreck...congratulations...but they would be nothing without your rockin commentary!

Anonymous said...

HA! I was chuckling all through the commentary and let out a bark of laughter at the cake itself! That's great.
Neither-happy-nor-merry Winter to you too!

Leslie said...

Oh god...suddenly last year's office party is replaying in my head. We had almost that exact conversation but without the sheisty Brooklyn accents. We also wound up with purple on our cake until my friend looked at it and said, "Purple eh? Trying to force Advent colors on us, eh?"
Gotta love political correctness.

Lacey said...

it is me or is the cake missing the icing? and why is the snowman so little, there is plenty of space

Ream O Rama said...

Hey Jen, don't cookie "cakes" fall in the same category as CCCs?

This one is just filled with sweetness and light...

Peachy said...

Ewww brown frosting. I can just imagine that oozing between people's teeth and not looking anything like icing. I suppose on the bright side, it wasn't yellow snow.

Heather said...

hmmm, did i catch the hint that someone has seen 'Oscar'? If not, you should watch it! Great cake, it's almost as good as "I want sprinkles"

The Courteous Chihuahua said...

Considering that my daughter had an accident yesterday which resulted in $6100 damage to both cars, Winter offends me.

Brilliant post, Jen!

Viola said...

rofl (literally!) - that's my new favorite wreck ever! well, mostly because of the commentary, but you really had me sliding of my chair and rolling on the floor laughing my head off for a solid minute. woah. that's mere genius ^^

word verification: oveisti - sounds like a bavarian christmas song ^^

Gabrielle said...

That is Wow!

I loved your narrative!

Mel said...

W...T....? My head hurts trying to figure out this little beauty.

abi said...

Ooh, "Oscar" references! Yeah, whoever decorated this cake is an ox and a moron.

SkippyMom said...

This is so over the top PC I snorted Christmas Tea ... jeesh, ridiculous.

Anonymous said...

The snowman's cute...
But is the blank space intended for the customer's personalized message (to be added by a semi-incompetent counter clerk whose skills at spelling, spacing, and penmanship may be up for debate)? If so, what does one write that would not be a non-sequitur with "Winter"?

Bonnie said...

I want sprinkles.

~Bonnie B~

Kate said...

I'm confused...is the cake even frosted w/ the preliminary base coat, I mean is it a naked cake w/ a snowman on it and some purple trim, or did they frost it w/ poo colored frosting first?

Zed-Aitch said...

Now if they had just added "wonderland" beneath that--but they were probably afraid they would be advocating drug use! LOL

Angela said...

uh i don't get it. what's this have to do with gangsters? reaching, much?

Anonymous said...

Why o why do they have to use that brown poo color as the background always?!! It's nasty. Who buys that? You would think they could at least put a giant snow flake in the middle unless that was meant to be blank for someone to add a message. "Winter, Sorry you have SAD but here's a brown poo cake with a happy snowman!"

stephanie h said...

Wow... just wow.

Is it a brownie? or frosted with Brown icing?

Penny said...

WOW...what a boring cake...the snow man is cute...very nonoffensive... If they didn't tell us that it was winter I would never have known.

wv: mangsts: a badly typed and spelled gangsta

Donna said...

Proof that politically correct is....incorrect.

I'm offended that people don't want to be offended *G*

sciencegirl said...

Hey, I am from San Diego, and I find it offensive that winter always has to be associated with snowmen. I think that all snow-related references should be banned!

Starchasm said...

Um....Wow. Is that unfrosted, frosted with poo, or just plain moldy? And why is that poor snowman all alone over there in the corner? It looks like the word WINTER is about to crush his little head.

Good grief!

@Angela - it's a movie reference.

Lala27 said...

Perhaps the base color choice was to make people in warmer climates feel included. "And no white frosting, ya numbskull, all dem folks down South might be accusing us of only showing a Yankee winter."

Or maybe this is the end of winter when everything has turned to mud but the snow man still clings to life. If that were true though, he's looking too good. His head would have to be peanut sized and his hat would be on the ground.

Dea said...

This reminds me of the South Park episode where they have to remove everything from the school Christmas play that offends everyone....it's the best....

The Cox Family said...

LOL! love your dialogue!

KathyP said...

I'm sorry, but you are the best writer, EVER!! "Poiple." LMAO!

The Pink Queen Albatross said...

I can't believe this is a real cake. Its the saddest attempt at celebrating a season ever. And who buys a winter cake?

Melissa Gill said...

I just don't get the brown icing....and wouldn't white frosting be much more "wintery"?

Maybe they weren't going for the first snowfall, but the brown sludge that accumulates by Jan, when the dirt and the snow mix? A touch of realism perhaps?:P

voxwoman said...

@Sciencegirl - I'm not from San Diego, but snow offends me, too! I'm looking at a *whole* lot of it falling from the sky outside my office window right this second, and I can't leave for home for another 5 hours...

All Adither said...

It's 80% YOU, you know. You're a freaking genius.

Angie (from over at www.HalfAssedKitchen.com)

Anonymous said...

From the comments posted, yes, that must be the case. An overtly politically correct cake decorator with the hidden agenda of ruining Christmas.

My guess is the decorator had some extra purple frosting in the bag, a blank sheet cake, and a lack of imagination. The story concocted was JUST A STORY (albeit brilliant and hysterical... Jen, I must give kudos for your spelling to make it read as perfect gangsterese!).

Keep up the great posts!

Merry Christmas!

What's Her Face said...

I feel like an essay about Winter should be written beneath that...

Sick Sad Minion said...

An underline killed my family!

*sobs*

Elizabeth Douglas said...

That commentary was pure brilliance! I especially liked the fact that you spelled the accent...a la "poiple" hahahahah!

A happy...er...merry...er...

Non-offensive winter salutation everybody!


wv: sprong- the new grammar. "Spring has sprong."

An Apron Straitjacket said...

Too funny!

Christy said...

The commentary really set the tone for this one! Love it!

Nihilady said...

If they were going for realism wouldn't you do that with white frosting mixed with crumbled oreos?

Nope definately poo frosting.

rm_orchid said...

That's awesome, I mean really. Wow.

Anonymous said...

Hey, now, you can't be celebrating Winter. That's just pagan!!!

(For the record, I have nothing against pagans. Just making the point that you can always find a way to be offended if you want to be offended.)

Aurora said...

I totally thought this was a cookie cake at first, but on closer inspection it is so much more insidious. Why, why, why should a 'winter' cake simulate tanned leather?

Your commentary had me in stitches this morning!

Word verification: fobbe: a new style in leather jackets, and the inspiration for this cake's frosting.

Shannon said...

Ahh, the cake was very good but the conversation with Bugsy and Boss made it. Poiple is the word of the day!

jen bryner said...

ah, jen, those were some SWEET "oscar" references!!! one of my all-time favorite movies:) i could just picture them all doing this 'scene' too. i love that you love all the movies that i love!!!! hahahaha have a happy WINTER everyone!

Jen said...

@Heather: You got me. I was wondering if anyone would catch the Oscar reference. (It's my all-time favorite movie no one has ever heard of. John and I are even forcing our friends to watch it this New Year's Eve. What's not to love about Sly Stallone taking "elocution lessons" from Tim Curry? :)

Lulubelle B said...

OMG! LMAO!! Love the brown barren earth. I guess all the snow went into the nongender snowperson. Not that persons are superior to any other species, extant or extinct.

Tauna said...

Oh man, I snotted when I finally got to the wreck!!!

Word verification: Plarsl. That is the noise I made when I snotted!

Alix said...

The point of this gigantic "white space" on the cake was so the decorator could inscribe the full lyrics of the Christmas classic "Let snow, let it snow, let it snow."

Either that or a fanny imprint, I'm not sure.

Megan said...

I think the snowman is actually kind of cute, if only it weren't so oddly placed. And I love the underline, but I also think it needs a period. "Winter.", as in there's nothing more to say about this horrible, depressing time of year.

Love your commentary, though. That's the best part. It takes a certain level of brilliance to work "poiple" into a cake commentary. Kudos!

Carrie said...

I've never commented before, but had to on this one. The "cake" in itself is so-so, but the genius dialogue makes it golden. Love it!

Lauren said...

Reminds me of this great Brad Paisley song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=daBH2IlWcmM.

HorribleLicensePlates said...

Very... uh... creative.

I probably would have had more snow, and less purple, but that's just me, boss.

BoilerBob said...

I'm not sure but if you zoom in on the snowman, I think it has the head of Jack Skeleton from "Nightmare before Christmas"

Tabitha (From Single to Married) said...

That was awesome!! You're such a great writer, every time I read one of your posts I start laughing from your descriptions!

Vee said...

BWAHAH! that was the best buildup to a cake you've had yet!!!!!!!!!
yer one funny chica!

Psipsina said...

This must be a cake to celebrate, um, winter in Bethesda, MD, where it traditionally rains heavily on Christmas, thereby turning everyone's dry brown lawns to mud.

Deborah said...

It's so...brown.

Fluffy Cow said...

Yesssssss!

Amy said...

What? No exclamation points?!!!!!
With the underline, there should be a few! extra! exclamation! points!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
~Amy B

Feisty Irish Wench said...

I absolutely LOVE the preceding conversation between minions. I could hear it in my head (mostly because locally there's an alarm company that airs radio commercials of similar style). I live in Florida and snow doesn't happen but once every couple decades here. The fact that there's a snowman on it offends me. Except that I have chosen to stay in Florida for the fact that it doesn't get as cold as other states and has no snow, so really...
And Leslie, flippin hilarious honey. Love the coworker's response.

Kim said...

HAHA! Nothing says nothing like, "Winter"

Like the whole Italian speak too...

I have too many "Antnees" and "Vinnies" in my family to count...this would be their MO for sensitivity...love it.

Anonymous said...

If you close your eyes, you can see Joe Pesci and DeNiro having this conversation, with Billy Crystal in the background to do the appropriate hand-wringing. And besides the A-1 commentary (love 'poiple') the only thing missing on the cake is quotation marks. Because, with all that brown ground (not white) it really isn't 'winter,' now, is it? And for those who feel left out because their climes don't get to expereince snow, consider yourself lucky. There's nothing like getting bundled up at 7 AM to go clean the car off and getting a bootful of snow. I'll take sunny and 80 any day of the year, especially in January!!!!

ginlyn said...

For some reason, when I was reading the commentary, I had the voice of Tony Soprano in my head...is that a bad thing?

Jen, you rock!

Bridgete said...

@LaLa27 And no white frosting, ya numbskull, all dem folks down South might be accusing us of only showing a Yankee winter.

The commentary made me chuckle, the cake made me snort, and that additional comment almost made me spit my coffee all over the laptop.

Word verification: Gledinap. What you say when you first get up from a good nap and are still a bit groggy.

Lady said...

1. I'm puzzled that so many people are grossed out by brown frosting. Maybe it was chocolate?

2. Love the wreck. I was immediately reminded of this Dave Barry gem:

These days, people say "Season's Greetings," which, when you think about it, means nothing. It's like walking up to somebody and saying "Appropriate Remark" in a loud, cheerful voice.

phyzish said...

it's so non-sequiter- it's something i would pick up on general purpose, just to hear everyone stand around and sort of "moo" at the cake:

"..Waaw"
"..Oh-right! Looks greaaat..."

Becky B said...

Wow, that is so inspiring. But more so was the commentary. Nice work, Jen!

MeaganMonster said...

Awww it's just sad!
Happy Yule!

signedp said...

Love your commentary! I couldn't wait to see what kind of "cake" went with it!

Deborah Godin said...

I know we all gag at cakes with icing overload, but somehow when it's not there...I miss it! This looks way too dry - I'd rather have a big slice of your narrative instead!

miriam said...

A lonely litte wreck... made fabulous by your commentary. Thanks!

terrih77 said...

I'm totally offended by the orange hat! Like they're telling me what color hat I should put on a snowman!

MaryO said...

In this case, LESS is MORE!

LOVE the commentary!

ROTFLMAO, as usual! meo

Rachel said...

Clearly, it's winter in Arizona.

Charly said...

Haha! Love the 'Oscar' reference!

Ali said...

Great Oscar nod, love Tim Curry in that one!

Winter to you too, boss. ;)

Lindsay said...

i, at first, thought it was a "cookie cake", too. until i blew up the pic and realized it is a POO colored icing under blue and purple with a snowman...

and as for the empty space, some "snow" would have looked nice so the snowman didn't look like he was sitting in my front yard after the grass dies.

but maybe making snow that looks like snow was WAYYY past the Wreckerator's skill level...and s/he decided against making the cake look bad. *GASP*

great stuff.

Anonymous said...

That's it I'm signing you up for el-o-cution lessons with Doctah Poole, if I gotta do it... you gotta do!

Oscared, BOO-Yah!

K.Wade said...

I love how "Winter" is underlined.

Jane said...

I don't know - that about sums up my feelings on this time of year. But my snowman would look angry.

Maureen said...

PC, huh? Let me get hold of this cake, I'll take it home, add a big old sun and some holly and under "Winter", I'll add the word "Solstice"! Another perfect Pagan sabotage! Hey - maybe I should put antlers on the snowman as well!

carrie said...

Jen, you need to ask woot.com if they have any writer openings.

Banana said...

holy cannolis

by the time i got down to the actual wreck I was laughing so hard... I actually made this muscle in my side get really twisted or something and now it hurts... you owe me a get well soon wreck

Katie said...

Oh Jen. Your commentary fills me with laughter every day. The "icing" on that perfect joke was the cake. Congrats.

Anonymous said...

YES!
Another awesome wreck!

Spicy said...

They could have used "Season's Greetings" XP

Nicole Wilson said...

i was anxious to see the outcome after such a hilarious commentary. so great!

DoodleBunz/DB Impressions said...

Stinking, rotten hilarious. At the risk of being un-pc...Merry Christmas!

J-Benoit said...

'winter everyone! ^^

too funny ^^ i wonder who can buy this ^^

Anonymous said...

I haven't seen "Oscar" but it's now on my Netflix list. Maybe Jen should have a side-line of movie referrals for those who love her commentary.

Personally, I heard Bugs Bunny in the episode where the ganster Rocky kidnapped him. Later the police (Irish accent)ask: "Now where did you hide Rocky?" Bugs: "Would I throw my good friend Rocky into the oven?" Police: "You might rabbit, you might."

Key to one's personality, which ganster one thinks of first.

Suzanne

Anonymous said...

It's Sad How Politically Correct we Must be.

Thanks to the Liberal Independent thinkers who want to Ruin Everyones Christmas/Hanukkah.

Ba Humbug on them

Liz said...

Seriously...it does my heart good to see so many people who love "Oscar" as much as I do!

Oh, and this wreck definitely falls under the category of all-time "WTF???"s...

Word verification: "makesi"...as in "This wreck makesi me laugh"

The Lili Effect said...

Jen, seriously. We need to go have a beer together. You love all the same movies, you'd understand that the red converse on my amazon wishlist are actually because of a crush on David Tennant, AND you like the movie "Oscar". No one has watched that film more than I have. Marisa Tomei far outshines her work with Cousin Vinnie.......

Gloom Raider said...

Oh, wow. Oscar!, Loved that movie...

*James* said...

wow. i have to say that is a pretty sad 'winter' cake.

word verification: distroym
These cake decorators are cramping my holiday spirit, lets distroym!

Hyena Overlord said...

CC hope everyone is ok after $6100 damage.

Brown icing... is appropriate for our crappy snowless sort of winters.

wvotd sledev...the sound my studded tires make spinning on the heavy lines of paint at intersection.

drgns4vr said...

Megan thought the word winter should have a period. I think the decorator was being subtle and meant winter is over (After all, it is over the underline). And what would symbolize the end of winter more than a lonely snowman.

WV: torrige--Papa Bear's porridge that Goldilocks couldn't eat.

BigMomma said...

I got a great chuckle out of this one. Thanks!

W.V.-

Monshe : When a monster gets the munchies. (I don't know how hungry he might be if he sees that cake!)

Julie said...

I think this is the funniest one yet. OMG

Anonymous said...

Wow - Brown icing? Shouldn't he have been a brown snowman?

Bibi said...

Maybe that's a really short haiku?

It's certainly festive.

alocin said...

*snorts* WTF. hahahaha

that is EXACTLY how the conversation went down, I'm sure of it!

*snorts with laughter again*

alocin said...

Hang on, what about me? I live in Australia... that offends me because it's stinking-hot SUMMER here!

mmemaraschino said...

You know... *chocolate* icing is brown.

Awesome cake. My jaw dropped.

katphoti said...

GREAT "Oscar" references! I was laughing outloud!

Mari said...

Do they live somewhere there is a drought, or did the decorator get bumped off mid-icing?

Scritzy said...

Well ... it does kind of look like winter in my state, where everything's brown outside and someone puts up a snowman inflatable to make it seem more "seasonal."

But it still sucks.

The commentary was spot-on, as usual.

Word verification: lakinse. Incense for the lactose-intolerant.

Tama said...

Best laugh of the day so far! love it.

JennyF said...

One of the best holiday posts this holiday season. I am so glad I read all of the commentary before scrolling down to the picture -- classic!

Ordinary Housewife said...

Howse about them cupcakes to the left? I had to get my sunglasses out.

Joy said...

LOVE this post! I had this great mental image of the men of the Soprano family standing around the kitchen table in ruffled aprons.

Concerning political correctness, I know a teacher who has "Merry Christmas" on her classroom walls in 10+ languages so it is "educational."

fuzzandfuzzlet said...

LMAO !

Kel said...

Winter! How dare they discriminate those of us who live in the Southern hemisphere... >:)

A in Chicago said...

I have to confess... I actually think this cake is adorable! The snowman is cute, and it's poetic in its barrenness.

Not sure WHAT occasion someone would actually buy this for, though.

Oh, and the frosting is brown because it's chocolate, yes? Either that, or the cake is set in Chicago. We got a half-foot of snow this morning, and it's already turned into filthy slush.

Passion Fruit said...

I'll post something Politically Correct when I stop laughing.



Brianna McCarthy@Passion.Fruit
http://briannamccarthy.blogspot.com

Holly-Bee said...

Okay. I died laughing.

I read this to my husband out loud (cause I can do voices really well) and we both laughed again.

WINTER.
subtitle: "Yep."

Teri said...

Shouldn't the cake be white, to like, you know, look like winter?

wolfbehindme said...

It's pretty obvious that this wreck was a phone order that probably went:

"I want 'winter wonderland' in blue."

...which poorly translated into "winter, underlined, in blue."

Yay Mad Gab! (I'm just a loooove machine!)

Kitty said...

Excellent commentary, excellent (in its badness) cake...say, do you dislike "cookie cakes" as much as you dislike CCCs?

dave-iii said...

I am OFENDED! I grew up in the South Earstern U.S., and we rarely if ever had snow-- even more rare was to have enough snow to build a snowman!

This is OBVIOUSLY a plot to exclude anyone in temperate and tropical zones! I DEMAND COMPENSATION!!!


*tee hee* ^_^

Mandi said...

BUAHAHAHAHA!!!!... OK...I have to compose myself just to type... I will be giggling to myself about this one for a LONG time! Thanks Jen!

Jaime said...

HAHAHAHAHA!!!

the cake was amusing, but the dialogue was hilarious! thanks for the giggle.

Timba said...

Guys, it's just chocolate-flavoured butter cream. It is a surprisingly popular icing in my shop.

:D
Timba

Suzanne Dargie said...

They say that when someone writes in upper and lower case characters indiscriminately, it means they're insane.

(look how WiNter is written)

Calantha said...

I totally heard Bugs Bunny while reading your commentary. And the cake is....very....plain? Uninspiring? Blah? Unfinished? Maybe all four?

wv: ciagadri. Sounds like an Italian surname.

Gretchen said...

why is there a snowman in the middle of the dessert?

Clare K. R. Miller said...

This is basically a perfect post. I was amused throughout the 'conversation', and totally guffawed when I saw that cake itself. Perfect!

Michele said...

This is a wreck all the way around. When I think of winter I definitely think of brown! lol BUT with a snowman....guess they used all the snow that WAS on the ground to make the snowman, which is why there is no more white on the ground! So take that and have a great winter! LOL

Love your commentary BTW!

Jenn said...

And I thought I was the only one who thought that "Oscar" was genius.

This cake is horribly awesome.

Lizzi said...

Seriously: is that a cake, a brownie or a cookie? Look at the sides, it seems to be in some kind of metal pan or something. I'm so confused!

Word verification: sessesse. Also confusing.

Tracie the Red said...

Beyond "all righty then..." there just are no words.

robyn said...

Well..maybe the cake decorator is pagan.

My husband just survived a round of layoffs at his company. I thought we'd get a cake that says "Congratulations on keeping your job!"

=D

YvetteDownunder said...

As an Australian, I am offended by the impliction that Winter is the only season at this time of year, when we are just getting started with Summer!

Maybe they should just go with December?

;)

Heather S. said...

I'm surprised so many people complain about poo-coloured icing. Ever had chocolate icing? I do believe that's what this cake is iced in (there is another row of "shells" border outside of the snowman vignette)

ksaldria said...

This post made me think of Oscar. I haven't seen that movie in so long. Great writing :)

tired-spirit said...

I can't help but think that the request went something like "I'd just like it to say 'Winter' y'know? A snowman would be nice; go with that."

I also have 'flu so I can't manage anything that isn't really obvious, sorry.

Excellent writing as ever :D

Bugsy said...

Ha ha ha. This is brilliant.

Amanda said...

I think I'm more freaked out about the neon yellow, orange, and blue cupcakes to the left of the Winter cake!

Oh, and that icing may be chocolate, but it is still grossly poo colored and there would be lots of good jokes around my office - since I work in a GI (Gastroenterology) doctor's office!

Anonymous said...

Where did the gangsters part come from? And the snowman is white, so that makes blue and white.

Giusi. said...

FLMAO!!! that's so awesome!
lmaoa

btw.. i recommended yer site to the bakery manager at my store. she was highly amused when I told her about it
hehehe ;D

RooManda said...

MY EYES!!!!

Me! said...

i actually like this cake! it could be my hatred for christmas and all the stupidity associated with the holiday and this time of year.....

Ro said...

I am from the Southern Hemisphere and find this cake extremely offensive.

Anika Q said...

Actually, this cake is still completely and totally politically incorrect, simply for the reason that it is not winter in some parts of the world - including Australia, where I live.

This cake does not fully appreciate the needs and requirements of the world community living in the southern hemisphere.

Anonymous said...

But... but... this cake is offensive to people living in the southern hemisphere where it's currently summer!

Anonymous said...

Very funny. I think this may be a case of a mostly unfrosted cake. Maybe that was the goal... for people who don't want alot of frosting. It still looks pretty bad, though. Winter is an odd theme for a brownish colored cake with hardly any decorations. Oh, word verification: peniza... uhuhuhuhuh.

2 wheels, no plates said...

Ruin Everyones Christmas

Really? Your enjoyment is that fragile? You poor thing.

Let me be the first to wish you a Happy Saturnalia, since a generic greeting MIGHT RUIN EVERYTHING!!!

Tracie the Red said...

ROFL too funny....

May I wish all here a GLAD YULE!

Tonight is the solstice, after all!

And no, I'm not really being sarcastic. Yule is a source of so much joy to me, and I'm showering everyone with sunny good wishes at this holy tide.

Tonight is the all-night vigil we have around a bonfire, with entirely too much "holiday spirit" (in liquid form) and tasty treats and whatnot making the rounds of all the participants. I'd share it all with everyone here if I could!

GLAD YULETIDE to all!!

Lizzi said...

The brown frosting is obviously there to represent the way snow looks in late January when it's been laying around getting stepped on for a month and a half. Yuck...

greenbean said...

LOL. Poiple! Awesome commentary boss.

Serr8d said...

"Dear Santa:

As the days grow shorter and the nights colder, a correctness has settled upon our land. All of our traditions are questioned; our values, weighed and measured against the newer world's orders that everyone should be treated exactly equal, and not be put in a position of disproportionately feeling any better or worse than anyone else. Eventually, all that's not feelings-neutral will be discarded for new, happy, shiny memes. Santa, there's just no place left for you in our new world.

I won't be leaving milk and cookies for you this year. I bought you a cake instead.

Merry Winter!"

Jillian said...

Ha! Funny commentary as always. It does make me wonder though... If next year there's a cake that says "Spring" with a weird little flower on it, will it be a normal cake wreck or will it be the beginning of a War on Easter?

Anonymous said...

HOLY COW!!!
You are a bright spot in my day!!!!!

L said...

Oh. My. God. That cake is too much. I am 100% sure the conversation went down as you transcribed.

Man... I laughed so hard my eyes are watering.

Anonymous said...

Clearly Santa has his hands up asking "WTF is up with my thighs?"

Anonymous said...

The snowman is just setting decorators up for failure. Clearly snowman do not have legs or arms of that sort.

stuckonsushi said...

the conversation piece you put before the picture really sounds exactly like what happened in the development process for this... creation.

Anonymous said...

I think the writers of "Oscar" have a case for copy-right violation...

Anonymous said...

Why do you hate Italians and Blacks?

Serr8d said...

Anonymouse 5:56AM, why do you look for hate where no hate exists?

Project, much?

Anonymous said...

It's a bleak, bleak winter.

BelleV said...

The thing is, I was just happy to see he spelled the word correctly.

I was expecting "Wintuh"

That snowman could have used a friend, maybe a deer or something? If only the brown frosting hadn't all been used up...

Word Verification: Lingso = it's pig latin, right?

solvency ii said...

who said minimalism was dead?

Molly P said...

Did anyone else notice that a couple of those cupcakes have fallen over in the box?

Clearly this place takes great pride in their products.

Brianna said...

I love so much about this post... but mostly for the Oscar reference!! :)

Kerri said...

I am offended. It doesn't snow enough down here to make snowmen.

I'm going to sue.

isabellerogers said...

Best. Post. Ever. I mean...nice poiple, boss.

WV; calne. Call me, too.

kayk said...

@Gretchen said...
why is there a snowman in the middle of the dessert?

Actually, the snowman is in the lower left-hand corner of the dessert.

Sarah said...

I recognize that dialogue... Oscar is my favorite movie ever. Nice!

Ricebubbles said...

Has everyone else noticed the huge gap where there is absolutely nothing? What are they intending to do with the brown space?

Samantha said...

This is set up astonishingly like a first-grader's drawing. The only thing missing is the smiling sun in the top right corner.
Regarding the persistent brown, really now, dirt's a pretty much universal background, no? And how do you expect a decorator to make a white snowman show up against a white background? Remember, they're operating on a first-grade level. Things like outlining or horizon lines don't occur to them. Cut some slack ;D


wv: "forivat" "I-ah deed all of zees vurk on my cake--and forivat? No one et eet."

Yevah said...

I wish it ended with a period. Winter.

LeftFieldMatty said...

I get it! It's the color of salted/sanded snow on the sides of the road during winter time! Genius!

Jenny G. said...

Loved the Oscar movie references!! Thanks!

VeggieT said...

I think that this might offend those who don't like snow or winter... I think we should just go with a plain cookie, or and it has to be sugar free, with no artificial ingredients... and non-dairy...

Somebody somewhere quietly said...

Even THAT would offend people. What about those who love frosting or hate cake? Or those who don't have winter or those who have snow? You can't please everyone. The only type of cake that would not offend people would be no cake, and even THAT would offend people who want cake!

hannah said...

Is the post from Angela a joke?! haha!

Anonymous said...

Really? A Seasonal Affectiveness Disorder cake ? Really??
Tif

Amy said...

I just bought your book and may I say that the Goodfellas would have been in good company here. While I haven't had a chance to really search your old posts yet, this one has proven to be my favorite thus far.

After all, who can't see Robert De Niro in a chef hat and apron with the Godfather logo on the front with his hands on his hips saying, "You eat dat or you gonna get an offer you wanna refuse."

Anonymous said...

@LaLa27

As someone who lived in North Carolina during the 2001 ice storm (from which we had an 8-foot drift of snow in our backyard) and the 2009 Oklahoma winter storm (4-5 feet of snow outside my apartment building), I have to roll my eyes. Oh no, we neeeeeever get snow below the Mason-Dixon! Ugh. Really, are Northerners as ignorant as you so often portray yourselves?

Spacegeek Nat said...

If I may make a suggestion: Y'all need to make some Winter-underlined Greeting Cards. I'll even design it for you:
*ahem* Standard card, brown background, snowman in lower left corner, blue and purple trim, Winter (underlined) in the top 3/4. Blank inside.

You're welcome.

Steve Ballmer said...

I think I like your blog, but then again I am constantly accused of having no taste!

Happy Winter said...

That is a serious "COME'ON MAN" moment. I'm offended because there was a snow man but not a snow woman on the cake

Anonymous said...

Holy crap. I was supposed to be productive today, but I can't pull myself away from this website! I am having trouble seeing through my tears of laughter trying to type this! God, I haven't laughed this much in years! LORDY!