Friday, November 21, 2008

Turkeys

Friday, November 21, 2008

With Thanksgiving approaching, bakeries across the nation are churning out turkeys just as fast as they can.

Er, turkey cakes, I mean. Yeah.


I'm not sure who is more confused: me or the decorator who made this:

First I see a weird smiley face whose hair is on fire. Then I see... no, wait - sorry, that's all I see.



Despite the fact that these look like electrified squirrels with blazing tails, they're actually sort of cute. In a frantic, somebody-get-me-a-bucket-of-water kind of way, I mean.


Of course, then there's the turkey who's already been extinguished [smirk]:


(That's a brownie, not a cake. Pretty soon bakeries are going to start "decorating" our loaves of bread, if we're not careful.)

Unless you're eating at a restaurant at the end of the universe, I'm pretty sure your food should never talk to you - much less advocate your imbibing its flesh. Yech.

Then again:


Maybe it's worse when the thing is pleading with you NOT to eat it.

"Thing" being the operative word here, since this looks like the result of craft time at the local preschool. All it's missing is a construction paper hand-tracing for a tail, and maybe a bunch of glitter.

(Hey, now, put that glitter down, Wreckerators; I didn't mean to give you any ideas!)


Thanks to Jessi W., Jocelyn M., Delielah R., and Bonnie B.!
HorribleLicensePlates said...

That looks like a flaming turd with legs.

Lisa said...

awe I think that first one is kinda cute! LOL

George Ramilton said...

When are cake decorators going to learn that big brown blobs of icing just end up looking like poo?

Tracy O said...

Apparently the Wreckerators have decided to try to outdo their pumpkins....

Tracy O

ad said...

What's with all the use of brown icing? Do we really need cakes to look like pooo?

Get someone else to gobble-gobble those cakes - I ain't touching them.

quinn said...

That last one looks like a turkey camoflaging itself as a pile of leaves. Not bad, Turkey. Not bad.

Blitzava said...

Okay...electrified squirrels TOTALLY made me burst out laughing...

what have I learned? No Cake Wrecks Blog in Anthro 100.......ends awkwardly....

Amanda said...

I was thinking "squirrels" too! They don't look in the least bit like turkeys, that's for sure.

Krysta said...

The last comment was even funnier because I had been temporarily distracted by a DeLafee ad on the left sidebar. It made me LOL!

joyce said...

A turkey cake?? Yuck. Let's see---after filling my face with turkey and all the fixings, I am hungry for cake? NO! Pumpkin pie goes with Thanksgiving. Not cake. Well, maybe some rum cake...

I agree, it is creepy for a cake to tell me to eat it or to plead with me to not eat it.

Alix said...

"Eat me?" I'm surprised you didn't censor that Jen. Don't start going all lax on us girlfriend. Hide that badness from us innocents.

Alixandra Hice
http://casahice.blogspot.com

Christina said...

Thanks for my daily laugh! My 5 yr old is asking why the first turkey's mouth is so low and not on his beak. He does like the googly eyes and wants to shake it up.

RecoveringActor said...

I never knew that a turkey's beak was actually just it's nose, and it has a giant yellow smile! I've been wrong for YEARS.

Amanda said...

I need to get back to our Walmart. They had a turkey that looked like a turd on cardboard. I *think* it was supposed to be 2 cupcakes with the tail behind them. It ended up looking more like Mr. Hanky.

Ophelia said...

I'm pretty sure that brownies encouraging me to eat them would only drive me to order a green salad (but ultimately I'd end up with soup, I guess).

Lauren said...

Well, the brownie one is kind of cute, I think. I mean, they did a pretty good job on the wattle and the little paper frills. It's cute!...apart from the smoke-lines... and the fact that the turkey's body looks like a pile of... ok, I retract my statement.

Andrea Frederick said...

Oh my! I love the electrified squirrels! The things people will make AND then think they look good. At least I would have enough sense to just eat the whole thing my self or throw it in the trash. Too funny!

Jessica said...

The second one looks like a basketball on a pedestal!

Anonymous said...

Ah, a Douglas Adams reference! Although I should have known if you were a "Doctor Who" fan then you would also be a Douglas Adams fan... the two seem to go hand in hand.

In regards to that last "cake" -- yes, it does remind me of making 'turkeys' in grade school arts and crafts using pine cones for the bodies, felt 'feathers' and pipe cleaners for the legs and heads.

Stressfactor

Christina said...

Whoever made the first cake really should be embarrassed. 5th graders could have done better.

Leslie said...

And that second cake is why squirrels should NEVER be allowed to play near light sockets. Poor flaming tails.
As for the extinguished turkey, I thought less of steam lines and more of stink lines. Or maybe I'm just remembering the year we bought a bad turkey.

sues2u2 said...

Holly crap! I mean that! Honestly some of those cakes look a little well, poopy. Not meaning any disrespect. Or anything.

Brianna said...

The first one looks a bit better if you think of the smile as a wing. Not great, mind you, but a tiny bit better.

Ashley said...

I think the first one looks like not just a smiley face, but a dang smiley baked potato on fire.

Cottagecheap said...

To me, the first one looks like a very confused bean. It is part mexican jumping bean hence the legs. However, it is embracing it's inner Native American hence the head-dress! I am just worried about that mass on his face I think for a bean that might be a melanoma. VEry sad really!

Juli said...

Love the Douglas Adams reference! :)

Anonymous said...

The Groucho Marx nose, er, beak on the first one is killing me.

Apparently turkey feathers are the invitation to use the craziest icing techniques, hence the fuzzy appearances of the second and fourth ones. I understand feathers are hard to replicate in something with a completely different texture, but I'm not sure those techniques mitigated that difficulty. Somehow the word verification, hanci, seems to apply here.

Cheadle Chick said...

Ooh oh! I'm first!

The first one kinda looks like somebody had fun with a Mr. Potatoe head toy... Maybe it's a "rockstar" Mr. Potatoe head with the crazy hair?

I'm not seeing a turkey though...

Linz said...

The "eat me" one looks like a pile of poo someone put icing on to make a face.

The Courteous Chihuahua said...

If the last cake doesn't want to be eaten, he/she needs to have the flatulence hash marks like the previous cake. That should do it.

Anonymous said...

I actually love the brownie "cake." Hilarious!!

Arlynn said...

That top one looks like a baked potato that cought on fire, woah!

Les@SpillingBuckets said...

Isn't a real turkey good enough... why do we need cake turkey's too? Especially when they look like.........

Kari said...

"May I offer you some of my shoulder?" *Cow from the Restaurant at the End of the Universe*

Hehehe, love that reference!!!

diopsideanddiamonds said...

I was thinking that the third one would be kind of cute if it didn't look like a steaming pile.

Then I realized that even if it didn't, having a cooked turkey that was still looking at me would be really creepy.

Amber said...

Did the first person not know they were supposed to be making a turkey? Or maybe someone did ask for a brown smiley face in a pile of leaves.

Amy said...

Okay, is the "Eat Me" cake hiding an innuendo of sorts?
~Amy B

Tasha said...

I'm pretty sure that first one kinda looks like a potato...

Becca said...

Hooray! I'm not the only one! I also say Mr. Potato Head dressing up for Thanksgiving for the first one. And then I second Stressfactor... Pie goes with Thanksgiving... not cake.

Sarah said...

I don't often say something would look better headless, but maybe if the Eat Me turkey didn't have a head and resembled a turkey that ends up on the table it might be better...Maybe?

Heide said...

I love the brownie one... it's cute. Why does the one with the rabid squirells have french fries between the layers.

Mari said...

Oh my, they just get worse and worse. Dreadful!

janet said...

In the first cake, did the King of All Cosmos get a new hairdo?

Truthbomber... said...

It looks like my dog made the third brownie cake if you know what I mean...

Anonymous said...

Douglas Adams is the greatest!

All Adither said...

The first one is so dorky I actually like it.

The last two are just macabre.

Angie (from over at www.HalfAssedKitchen.com)

Kansas girl said...

DNA ref FTW!

That last one, is that one of those things that's a single cupcake under two cups of icing?

clkight said...

wow, i clicked on the last turkey to enlarge it...and yeah, "big" mistake...(bahahaha had to throw that in there)

Rachel said...

"Pretty soon bakeries are going to start "decorating" our loaves of bread, if we're not careful."

This has already started to happen Jen! The grocery store bakery I used to work at made Italian bread in the shape of pumpkins (with orange and green coloring and all!). They were actually pretty cute...when they turned out right.

dl said...

I caught your innuendo on that first cake, but my first thought was that it could also be a baked potato, which would be fitting for a holiday of eating :).

Justine said...

Love the reference to "MilliWays At The End of the Galaxy" and the earlier reference to "Dr. Who"!

The cake with the "pumpkin orb" and flaming tail squirrels looks like it came from MilliWays too.

Of course "Eat Me" being the Addams Family reference from the fantastic scene where Puggsley sings and dances as a Turkey in the fall pagent.

Ooo, your blog is for Sci Fi WreckPorters too! Love it!

Dawn said...

Ummm... they forgot the CAKE part of the cake on the last one. Didn't they? Or is that brown blob of icing supposed to have a sliver of cake inside?

Hmmmm, how much would you pay for a blob of "shaped" icing?

Cara said...

Ew. Is there actually any CAKE in that last one or is it just a pile of poo-brown icing?

fleeting said...

I totally saw a flaming Mr. Potato Head too! The heat lines on the "Eat me!" cake also look strikingly similar to stink lines... are you sure that one isn't left over from Canadian thanksgiving?? Ewww.

Jamie said...

I made a cake for DH's office party today and almost chose electrified squirrels, but decided that they probably wouldn't last the car trip. Now that I see what I narrowly avoided, I'm glad my reputation will stay intact.

Stina said...

That first "turkey" made my day. I laughed out loud, which is usually good...but it's a problem when you're in class haha

Aporia said...

much less advocate your imbibing on its flesh

imbibe = drink. So unless you're intending to liquefy the turkey, you can't do that. ;) (Oh, and the 'on' is superfluous.)

Jen said...

I must admit, I sort of love the 'eat me' turkey, but mostly because I think it would gross others out but not bother me. Of course, I also used to name my hamburgers right before biting into them and saying "mmmm" to mess with people, so that probably indicates that something is wrong with me.

The first and last cakes were definitely designed kindergarten flunkies and the flaming squirrel cake is bizarrely formal (not to mention poorly executed).

Anonymous said...

Okay. I burst out loud in laughter when I saw the one without the tail feathers and the little "Fume" lines around it. Were you all thinking what I was? That maybe that bird had some "flammable gas incident" that left him featherless and charred. Poor thing..... shouldn't have stuffed himself with burritos.

Elizabeth Staley said...

"Unless you're eating at a restaurant at the end of the universe, I'm pretty sure your food should never talk to you - much less advocate your imbibing on its flesh. Yech."

I... I think I love you...

(LOL And my captcha for this comment is "mania"... how fitting for these awful wrecks!)

Feisty Irish Wench said...

As wrecktastic as those are, they would have actually been funny if the inscription said "Bite Me" instead

Shadow Shaivya said...

Is the "Eat Me" thingy not really made of doggy poopy? Don't lie, it's out right, we need to know the truth. >_<

Ben said...

"Unless you're eating at a restaurant at the end of the universe, I'm pretty sure your food should never talk to you - much less advocate your imbibing on its flesh. Yech."

Oh. It's a whole thing.

Meg said...

I thought the first on was a perfect potato with flaming hair, a face and legs. And those "squirrels" do look like ROUSes with flaming tails. Maybe the decorator was into The Princess Bride?

Table for Seven said...

I think the first one looks like a potato.

Linda said...

42!!! Now, if you can make a Piers Anthony reference, I'll be AMAZED!

Frodo Lives

GreenEggsandSam said...

hahahahaha....electrififed squirrels? hahahah
that cake actually made me feel like I was in ancient Greece paying tribute to the some pumpkin god at an altar columned with...electrified squirrels
...gross.

And, I laughed OUT LOUD at the sly comment about decorators decorating our loaves of bread soon if we're not careful ...hahahahah !
who are you?!?!?!? your comic timing is spot on...every time.
SO funny!

Tricia said...

I have GOT to stop trying to drink my coffee and read this at the same time. OMG! The electrified squirrels and the "cooked" turkey!!!!

Marie said...

"Eat me" has me totally freaked out. I mean, with that head and the dialogue, I'm not sure if that thing is cooked or alive or, even worse, both! Definitely creepy!

Princess Peach said...

It took me 5 minutes to figure out that what I saw as a pink ball of yarn with blue strings hanging from it on the second cake was indeed a pumpkin.

Very "Wicker Man".

Anonymous said...

Silly me--I thought it was the Thanksgiving version of Mr. Potato Head. Mr. Flaming Potato Head.....

Emmers said...

The first cakewrecker baker needs to go back to school or something.

THE BEAK IS THE MOUTH. IT DOESN'T HAVE A BEAK AND A MOUTH.

Laura, Ben, and family said...

I LOVE getting the giggles when I read your blog! It really makes my day!

Anonymous said...

You read Douglas Adams! Now I really love you!

-Julie

sharkiepatronus said...

I have a strange desire to make an electrified squirrel plushie...

Karen said...

Mr Potato Head!

Anonymous said...

okay I think the little "smiley mouth" below the beak on the first one is actually supposed to be a wing.....I think....

Chelsea said...

I agree with Brianna--the first one looks more turkey-like if you think of the smile as a wing. Of course, that's assuming the torso can rotated independently of the head/feet...

meg said...

I wonder if Milliways at the end of the universe has turkey, or if they've only ever bothered to breed a cow that wished nothing more than to be slaughtered?

Angie said...

Stop, Drop, and roll Mr. Potato head!!


Now I see why pie is so popular for Thanksgiving.

Ms Ashley said...

The first one looks like a happy potato... With some feathers...

Cathy said...

OMG - I love the flaming squirrels but the Hitchhiker's reference about talking food was really the funniest part of this posting. :)

Anonymous said...

That first one kinda looked like a baked potato with orange and yellow around it!

5elementknitr said...

On that first cake, the decorator seems to have mistaken the turkey's beak for his nose and given him an extra mouth so he can smile.

How sweet.

AB said...

Why are you hating on the first one? It's SO clearly the MacGyver Mr. Potatohead running out of an exploded building he was being held captive in. Thanksgiving is not until next week. It's MacGyver Mr. Potatohead appreciation day every day.

Glory von Hathor said...

I would be very happy with Turkey No. 1. He's got style...

The brownie Turkey looks much more to me like some sickeningly racist cartoon from the 1940s.

Oh god. What does that say about me...

Scritzy said...

No, no, Mr. Potato Head isn't aflame. He's wearing one of those retro 'fros from the 1970s, and he's painted it in fall colors to celebrate the season.

I just want to stick a fork in him and see if he's done.

Word verification: reepyr. Yeah, some of these cakes are reepyr than others.

Passion Fruit said...

Euhhh...that first one is like Mr. Potato head on fire with a beauty mark.

Nice!

Hottpants said...

The, um, "spread-turkey" EAT ME brownie has sped past unintentional innuendo and taken the fast-track to dirty-minded suggestion. It recalls the worst line of dialogue in the most disconcerting context of the most jaw-droppingly terrible movie ever: when J.Lo in Gigli says "Gobble Gobble!"

Holly said...

That first one is Mr. Potato Head wearing a clown wig. Duh.

Angela said...

That first one looks like something horrible happened to Mr. Potato Head. (sorry if someone already made that comparison, I didn't read the comments that closely)

Rebecca said...

Oh, the first one is great!
It truly looks like it was drawn by a first grader.
Please someone tell me that they took a kids drawing and this is a special cake for that kid.
Please?

Jana said...

The first one looks like a baked potato on a flaming grill. Are these seriously professional decorators? Because they stink at their jobs!!! Go back to school and learn how to decorate a cake. Jeez, man.

Natalie said...

I've always loved you for your cakes, but now I love you for your Milliways reference!

(and I just read the previous entry while eating lunch and actually choked about the moldy frosting and decapitated clown heads.)

citygirlkj said...

the first one looks like an overcooked mr. potato head!

Susan Z said...

Ummm..why does the first one have both a beak and a mouth...I'm a little weirded out.

Tootsie Farklepants said...

That last one looks like it's wearing a corsage. Fancy.

elesa said...

Ha! I just love what a geek you are. Every time you make references to "Doctor Who" or "Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy" it makes my heart smile. Thanks!

funnycide said...

My boyfriend's mother loves to frost brownies, especially with a McDonald's restroom green-colored icing. It's too much!

..::Angel::.. said...

I tried to make a turkey cake once, it was horrible looking.

Rose said...

the first one looks like a smiling potato that is on fire!

Havocec said...

What is the first one supposed to be? The Thanksgiving weine?

The second is hilarious with the squirrels.

The talking poo cake is doubly creepy because the brownies have a face.

The third, well I'm glad cupcakes are just starting to catch on here. I saw a tree full Christmas ones today.

wvotd...lukent: "lukent wa I daycorated Goober"

Kelly said...

I was just introduced to your blog yesterday, and I have to say it has made my time at work more enjoyable! I will be sure to carry my camera with me at all times when I go grocery shopping! Thanks for the laughs...

=Tamar said...

The first one: I think the curved yellow line was supposed to indicate the neck curve, but the decorator didn't understand what it was supposed to be and put the beak and eyes in the wrong place (and too big).

Anonymous said...

To me, the first one looks like a jacket potato with two fillings (beans and cheese). On legs, with a face. Perhaps I've been in the UK too long.

Lizzi said...

Oh my god! Mr. Potato Head caught on fire! Someone get the extinguisher...

Donna said...

*snort*

The first one looked like a potato...maybe that's the baked potato cake.

The "eat me" one is just wrong in more ways than one ROFL

Mandee said...

I was at the Bullseye store yesterday, and my heart was hurting because I didn't have my camera with me, nor did I want to put out $19 for a Turkey CCC just so I could take a picture of it.

DH on the other hand thought the Turkey CCC was NOT a wreck and quite cute - and then had the nerve to call me uppity because I wanted to send a picture to your amazing blog! I'm filing for divorce first thing Monday. ;)

Candace Jean July 16 said...

S'pose anyone's ever tried to make a turducken out of a cake? Now that would be the most disgusting thing ever. The actual turducken is gross enough...I envision it having 3 heads.

Anonymous said...

I think when you place a big pile of icing poo on a brownie and dress it up like a toxically flatulant turkey, you're required to write "eat me" on it. Otherwise, people might suspect your intent was the opposite. Besides, it comes off nicely as a dare at that point. :)

Suzanne Dargie said...

"May I urge you, sir, to consider my liver?" asked the animal, "it must be very rich and tender by now, I've been force-feeding myself for months."
I was thrilled to see the Dalek cakes too! My God! I laughed until I cried! Great blog!

Snotty McSnotterson said...

I like how the first turkey's beak looks like a Play button--it made me think the turkey might be ugly AND animatronic.

Calantha said...

"electrified squirrels with blazing tails" = LMAO. They DO look like the end result of an encounter with an exposed power line.

Get rid of the stupid smile on the first cake and I think it would be cute.

The Shumards said...

Okay, I personally think that the first one looks more like a person with a Native American Headdress on...that is sort of fitting for Thanksgiving right??

Sarah said...

I don't want this to come across wrong, but I love what a nerd you are! First you reference Lady Cassandra O'Brien Dot Delta Seventeen, now Douglas Adams? All that combined with (frequently badly decorated) cake? Oh yeah that's why this is my favorite blog.

Aviatrix said...

I'd be quite impressed if one of my friends made the first one, but not by the professional baker who charged for it.

I think we need a Top Ten Things Cake Decorators Should Know list for Cake Wrecks. The list should include:
* It's spelled "Congratulations"
* Big brown blobs of icing just end up looking like poo.
* Quotation marks are for quoting
* If it could possibly be interpreted as looking like a penis, don't put it on the cake.

Madison said...

the first one kind of reminds me of the way I used to draw turkeys when I was a little kid.

mack said...

I m looking forward to next update!

jackie31337 said...

I wonder whether the flaming squirrel cake was the result of a decorator knowingly finishing a cake wreck because they had already put in so much work and were essentially committed to seeing it through. That's really the only way it makes sense.

Word verification: barjtqdh - where the decorators went before/after finishing these cakes and what they sounded like when they got there.

Chris said...

I think there should be a new category of labeling cakes - Cute in an Ugly Kinda Way - to describe cakes like the Smiley faced Turkey and the Corn Cob from the other day.

The Liebers said...

I am supremely offended that you would call that last cake a preschool art project. I teach 4 and 5 year olds and we have NEVER made somethings that looks that awful! Come to thnk of it, the two-year-olds down that hall haven't either!!

Katie said...

I dunno, I think all but the last one have a certain charm. I think though that generations of hand-turkeys create a sense of artistic forgiveness when it comes to turkeys

Anonymous said...

A++ with the Hitchhiker's reference!

Ally said...

I don't know why, but I love the "Eat Me" cake. It's cute!

Elizabeth said...

I love all of these!
Adorable! Especially the first one!

amum44 said...

Awww! I just love the baked potato one. Of course, that's because I love drawings made by five year olds.
(I'm just going with that, and I don't want to hear that anyone over five had anything to do with it. : ) )

StephakneeSays said...

The "eat me" turkey looks like a soft turd complete with stink lines. yum!

Wendy said...

OMG - I LOLed til I cried. My stomach hurts and the dog and my daughter are both concerned for my health and well-being.

I saw a cupcake "cake" yesterday - will try and get a photo of it tomorrow - it was a scary-looking turkey, but not as scary as these.

MT said...

Thanks for the Doug Adams reference. Absurdists literature next to absurd cakes - fits well.

krnelson65 said...

On that first one...I actually see a smiley face potato with his/her hair on fire. Definitely don't see a turkey. Nope.

Go2Girl Designs by Kila said...

I laughed so hard...I almost cried!

Ladyfromthewoods said...

I just have to say this:
Today is the first time I've been to this blog. At first, I just bounced around. The horror took over and I began seriously click every "older posts" I came too. I must draw the line for today at this one. The overload has caused me to go into a fit of laughter that I couldn't stop, brought tears to my eyes, caused me to choke on my coffee, and had my daughter calling from the bathroom, "Mom, are you alright? Are you SURE you're o-kay?!! WHAT'S SO FUNNY?!!!"

See you again tomorrow!

Anonymous said...

My first note: The google eyes on the first one are staring into my soul! It's creepy!
My second note: HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY LOVERS UNITE! Towels by our sides, we will go out into the world to prove once and for all that we are more than Mostly Harmless!
My last note: That brownie looks like it has a pile of poo on it. QUIT THE OVER-USE OF BROWN ICING!

Anonymous said...

That first one is definitely a flaming (or flamboyant) potato. The "smile" is too centered and so are the eyes for that smile to be a wing or neck.

someone mentioned "turducken"--that's just cruelty to dead animals! ugh! the fact that "turd" is in the title says it all!

which brings me to the stinky poo pile with googly eyes brownie that says "eat me." Is this an insult cake? the fact that it looks like stinky poo and that it says "eat me" could really mean "eat sh--" no? (pardon the vulgarity!)

"toxically flatulant"--LOL

and to claim the electrified flaming squirrels are poorly executed. that sounds a little redundant--look at the formal posturing. maybe they ARE being executed by electricfication at the altar of the Great Pumpkin! poor little things....

WV "rivanati"--the act of skinny dipping in a stream. "river naughty"

BrennaH said...

The first one reminds me of the Ice cream potato that Sandra Lee made. On fire, but clearly enjoying it.
Brenna H

BrennaH said...

The first one reminds me of the baked potato ice cream cake that Sandra Lee did. Just on fire. And clearly enjoying it.

PS: What's the deal with making cakes into animals? At least they haven't invented turkey flavored icing . . .yet.

Natasha K. said...

That last turkey is also missing some uncooked macaroni noodles. :)

Anonymous said...

Long time reader, first time writer. I seriously think the second one looks like the ending scene from the Dark Crystal.

Meghan the Smith

Cupcakes Lady said...

Haha ...the brownie "cake." Hilarious. xx

Mat Board said...

What a great collection, although I'm not sure that I'd want a few of those in my mouth...

Mat Board

Deborah said...

I'm actually reading The Restaurant at the end of the universe. I agree that your food should not talk to you unless you are eating there.