Friday, October 3, 2008

Optimus Wrecks

Friday, October 3, 2008

Some cake designs are so popular, I get to see all kinds of Wrecky variations. I'm having way too much fun with it, too; the other day I was positively giddy when I received my 5th Costco Princess & the Frog themed Wreck (stay tuned for that post). Yep, I need to get out more. In the meantime, though, let me share my Transformers Wrecks collection with y'all.

First, the "official" design, for reference:

So no matter what, you know someone's going to have purple poo in the morning.


Here's Wreck #1, or as I like to call it, Magma Madness:

But, you know, orange magma... red flames: at least they're related.

Next, Wreck #2: the Crackling Blood Bath:


Kinda hurts to look at, doesn't it?

And finally, behind Wrecky Door #3:

The Bubbly Stuff That Would Not Be Named. I think it's growing, too; it seems to be creeping insidiously up over the inscription.

Beth W., Cades, & Jennifer N., your cakes may not have gotten their flames in icing, but at least they got flamed here on Wrecks. Eh?
It says I have to have a nickname said...

Oh, that last one is the "Great Barrier Reef" take on the design. Coral is really in this year. Sea life is the new cupcake cake.

jaxx79 said...

Wreck #1 isn't that bad, #3 is just ugly, but #2... that is going to give me nightmares. I feel so bad for Kenny. Who knew a transformers cake would lead to therapy?

Anonymous said...

i know the last one! it's coral! it's optimus prime in "under the sea"!!!!

lindyhopper1904 said...

Wreck #3 looks like coral reef instead of flames. Almost like the decorator got confused and started to make an ocean themed cake...

Kenya Starflight said...

Holy cow, the Transformers fan in me just curled up in a corner and cried...

It looks like Optimus Prime is drowning in that blood bath on the second cake wreck. Disturbing...

Kyla Michelle said...

The blood bath is my favorite...just a little scary huh!!! At least they tried!

Kim H. said...

The last one looks sort of like coral! Maybe cute on a cake with an ocean theme...but not a Transformers theme. :-)

Jen said...

That last one looks like Optimus is lost in a coral reef! Awesome.

Jason Burns said...

LOL - that last one is a real Optimus Crime!

horriblelicenseplates said...

Beep! Beep! These are hilarious.

Kathryn Maughan said...

I think the bubbly stuff is coral. The truck has somehow made its way into a deep underwater kingdom. There should be an image of a threatening Poseidon on the side.

*Michelle said...

If you took away the Optimus Prime truck... I don't know that I could have had a clue of what they were going for. That last one almost looks like the red coral thats a popular dainty pattern right now.. dainty and transformers just don't seem to mix!

Valarie said...

Should I made a stupid coral joke, or is that restricted to the first fifteen comments only?
*singing to theme song*
"Transformers, cake wrecks in disguise!"

Honeysuckle Creations said...

Did anyone else notice that the 1st wreck didn't even frost the sides of the cake??

Eunice said...

I have to agree that #3=coral.

Considering #2 is the only one that has Optimus in the "flames," it kind of looks like he might have snapped and this is the bloody aftermath.

Carol said...

I'm having flashbacks to watching Volcano. Because the only other thing that says "Wreck!" as much as the cakes you feature, is poorly executed disaster movie with completely unrealistic selflessness such as Drew Carey's TV brother jumping off a subway car into molton. hot. mag-ma. thereby killing himself to save a guy he can barely lift, yet somehow manages throw several feet ahead of him to safety as he's melting into the molton. hot. mag-ma.

Anonymous said...

The bloodbath was actually my favourite of all three. The 'coral' cake..I just don't understand!

I hope you don't mind; I "plugged" your site on my Myspace page.:o)
~Amy B

mere9 said...

so, the original cake appears the flames are airbrushed, yes?
cake #1 did a pretty good job considering it was all frosting.
cake #2 is the closest in regards to the airbrush technique. a BAD example of airbrushing. the colors are BLEEDING! ick.
cake #3- eh. nice try, i guess. it DOES look like coral (as it's been pointed out).

Corey Wilde said...

What do you suppose that last one would have looked like if they had been trying to create coral?

Ruth said...

So I did a google image search to see if I can find any advertising for this cake, see how Wal-mart are plugging it, or if I could find a well-executed version that someone was really pleased with by way of comparison.

And I found this:
http://craighub.blogspot.com/2007/11/as-promised-worlds-ugliest-cake.html

~Jenn Danza~ said...

Aww, the poor kid can't even play with the truck in wreck #3! The tire is blown!
That's beyond sad. It's cruel.

joyce said...

Oh, the colors, and the hideous magma. And even in the original---shouldn't shooting flames come out of the truck---not toward the truck? Maybe a firetruck attacking the flames would be better? Brings new meaning to "Wrecks" as there was a car wreck somewhere to cause all those flames.

clueuin said...

Wreck #2, just in time for Holloween!
Maaaaaw ha, ha, ha!
:O

Peace,
Clueuin

Toni Marie said...

@honeysuckle: No, I didn't notice the first wreck didn't ice the sides! Wow, that's really, really bad.

awriterswindow said...

Happy birthday Kenny...enjoy your inflamed intestines!

e. said...

Good thing they stuck that "transformer" card into each of the wrecks. Makes the intentions clear.

Ophelia said...

All that red and blue reminds me of the $1.8M piece of plywood painted with two blue stripes and a red stripe, entitled "Voice of Fire". It's painful to look at because of the colour contrast.

So are these >_<

Kansas girl said...

I think my favorite part here is that most of the "decoration" is created by sticking a postcard on the cake. Heck, I could do that, and I have no artistic ability whatsoever.

I'm sure it doesn't matter to the target age group for these cakes, but it seems kind of... I know! It somehow reminds me of those cheap Halloween costumes where the shirt has a picture of whatever it is. Hello? If I want to dress as, let's say, Tinkerbell, I want a floofy tutu and wings. I do not want a shirt with a PICTURE of Tinkerbell on it. That is not "dressing up as" Tinkerbell. Does Tinkerbell go around with a picture of herself on her shirt? Well, she's not Paris Hilton, so, no. I know it's not exactly the same concept, but this is nevertheless the cake equivalent.

Model Citizen aka Bonnie Rue said...

eek!
Cake #2 just screams "blood on the highway"

i feel for the poor kid who got that plopped down in front of him for his birthday.

Real Live Lesbian said...

Too funny!

Twistie said...

Looking at number 2, I don't think I've laughed that hard at blood since the first time I saw the theater trailer for The Shining.

Cake Artist said...

One problem with those grocery store-ordered cakes is that the customer wants it to look EXACTLY LIKE THE PICTURE. Unfortunately, as most people know, red icing is near impossible- if you get a deep red color, it's bitter and stains teeth, children, clothing, and even dog poo. If reddening buttercream isn't bad enough, try it with whipped icing that most cheap stores use. I would guess that is why orange and other ugly red variations are used.

Juliet said...

It seems the lesson here is:

When it comes to making flames out of icing, less is more!

These are all funny, but the Great Barrier Reef meets Optimus Prime is my favourite.

And the joke someone made about these being "optimus Crimes" - ha ha!

Thanks for the laugh!

The Black Dog said...

Cake 3 looks almost like the dirt from the last posted cake wreck. I hope that truck is an actual transformer, otherwise they gave that kid a truck with a broken wheel on it!

Number 1 is the closest so far, but someone laid on the frosting way too thick.

Trevor said...

Cake #2? OMG! When did the transfomers join a slasher flick? Seriously!

Andrea* said...

The 2nd Wreck looks more Spiderman than Optimus... lol!

Anonymous said...

Why do the stores offer these cakes and not give the decorators the tools or skills to actually pull them off? These are just sort of sad

Fluffy Cow said...

All I can think of when I look at wreck number one is... "My loony bun is fine Benny Lava"!!!! (Google it, I can't watch it again!) The others are... scary.

sues2u2 said...

Aaaghhhh! The flames, man, they're goin' to get ya!!!!

Poetry Sue said...

MY EYES!!!!

Michael said...

We got the same cake for my son's first birthday, but it turned out much better than these. I'm surprised that these wrecks turned out so differently.

Michael
michaelandchrissy.com

An Apron Straitjacket said...

Yikers that last one looks like Optimus Prime is in a battle with some nuclear entrails.

Anonymous said...

So...what the hell?? How is it humanly possible to screw up FLAMES? It's ridiculous. And stupid. And WOW, I think I may go blind from #2...

Charlotte said...

I love how the cardboard standup on #2 is squished into the icing cockeyed.

Leslie said...

The second cake brings back vague and terrifying memories of the movie they showed us in driver's ed. Optimus is just sitting there so smugly amid the carnage.

@kansas girl - you're right about the stupid postcard. It's like those awful Halloween costumes they used to make with the stupid mask and then a plastic smock with artwork of the character. Which wasn't at all the same thing as dressing up as the character but it was good on the cheap. Which I think is what these cakes are going for...

April said...

The "flames" in the last one look like blood vessels!

Susie PSU said...

The mom that has to hand their children ANY of those cakes must paste a smile on their face so the kids don't know what a disaster their birthday cake is! Kudos to those MOMS!!

Beckster said...

Liquid Hot Magma...

Dr. Evil would love it!

Jeff said...

Wreck #2 just looks scary to me...!!

Mike said...

So what is it with these designs? Is the official design done by some expert, who then licenses out the pattern to less aptitudinous decorators to attempt?

Nicole said...

Oh my goodness... when I first saw this post, I thought the "official design" was going to be the wreck. I ordered a Transformers cake for my stepson's 4th birthday in April, and what I got was pretty close to that (I know I've got a picture of it someplace).

I HATED IT!! I mean... a postcard stuck in the cake? For what I paid for it, I could have done better than that myself!

Looking at the wrecks of this cake, I can see that they are indeed awful. But I gotta tell ya - the original design of this one wasn't a big winner either.

blissfully caffeinated said...

I swear, I would not accept and pay for any of those cakes. The middle one is all cockamamie on the cardboard, besides being incredibly ugly. It would suck to have to out that out at your kid's party.

Manders said...

The last one looks like some type of plant. And the second one...Poor Optimus Prime, he didn't even see the person crossing the street before he hit them!!

Suzyhomemaker said...

Seriously? Wow. The original isn't even that great but come on... magma? :)

Mrs. Wentz said...

omg! the 2nd one! The blood bath!

omg the killed kenny! Bahahahaha!!

hehehe...i watch too much South park

Amy said...

My son had this cake last year and a certain big store with the initials WM actually did an awesome job. Those 3 you showed us however, not awesome.

Princeton McKinney said...

I can not show these to my son, he would cry...and he's 23.

Anonymous said...

I've done this cake about 80 times, and never once did it look THAT bad. What kind of tip where they using on #3? Good lord.

Deborah Godin said...

I feel sorriest for poor Kenny. Back when I was about his age, the boys at the party would have looked at something like that and laughed wildly and said "Should I, or have I?" and then make noises I have since come to associate with my cat working on a furball.

Jenster said...

OMG, did these poor people actually pay for the cakes? Do people mention that when they submit photos? I think I would pay for #1 (even though the orange flames are kinda puffy looking) but definitely not the other two.

Alexandra Erin said...

The second wreck... it's like a driver's ed video. SO MUCH BLOOD!

GameGirlz said...

They are all really bad. I think #2 is the worst and I may even, possibly have refused the cake and refused to pay. It looks like.... my four year old worked on it!

Maggie said...

I actually like #1. I think it's the huge pillowy border of blue that appeals to me. #2 is gastly and #3 shameful.

Spamamander said...

(Shamefaced look) I ordered this cake for my son this year- well, actually, he picked it out, those colors and food just... eek. Luckily they did a decent job with it though, nothing like these wrecks.

I will testify that the blue dye does NOT come off of fingers and, er, cough, the "aftereffects" ended up dark green. For a week. o.O

Amy said...

I hope no one actually paid for #2!

~E said...

Wreck #1 kinda looks like sea kelp. Orange, puffy, ugly sea kelp.

Anonymous said...

The last one looks like the red weed from The War of the Worlds. Scary!

Donna said...

It looks like bacon on the top of the third cake! Weird! This blog makes me glad my three daughters hate b'day cake!

notimetoeat said...

On Evan`s cake(3rd) that first wheel of the truck looks kinda weird doesnt it?
And i like the bloody cake though...:D

Tiffany Powell

Tiffany Powell, Norfolk, Virginia 23513 - SSN, Credit Records, Arrest Records, Court Records, Criminal Records ..

adozeneggs said...

Why on earth do they design these cakes knowing that some minimum wage worker will have to attempt to re-create it?
Fascinating.

Beth said...

Ooohhh... My son had that cake for his birthday last year. I didn't order it, so I had no idea it was supposed to look BETTER. Ha!

Darcy said...

My first thought on wreck #3...looks like Optimus Prime is swimming near a coral reef. As I read further, my second thought was "there's an inscription??"

Mad Izatie said...

I haven't gotten to commenting on these cause I just HAD to show them to my boyfriend and my flatmate. They both laughed their heads off.

THe first one was ok, if I got that one I probably would have thought that whoever paid for that must have been cheap.

The second cake... I woul have switched the transformers for Freddy Kruger. GOD that one is horrible.

The third one... I wonder if the decorator was watching The Little Mermaid when he was making the flames. Looks horrible, I'd have sent it back and demanded a refund. UGLY!

Michelle said...

Wow. Cake #3 looks like coral is covering it. That's pretty scary.

Nicole said...

I HATE making that cake! It's so ugly. Mine have never looked as bad as those though...

Kimberly said...

#2- Eek! #3- Some form of coral/sea life growing on there...

#1 is just gross. Unless, of course, Little Dominic loves cake icing (I hate it in large amounts!)...

Banana said...

That last one looks like coral, haha!

Dea said...

I'm loving the postcard, as well - wtf kinda lazy dec is that??

Too funny...

Calantha said...

The last one is either coral, or someone decorated the cake with ketchup. Ew.

Anonymous said...

I've made that cake many times, and it is stupid easy, and good lord people why does a cake need 10 lbs. of icing!

Lizzi said...

After seeing this, I want a cake with "blood" dripping down it! Perfect for Halloween.

Jennifer B. said...

Oh man I laughed out loud at these.

Anonymous said...

Picture #2 reminds me of the high school drivers ed films like "Blood on the Highway" and "Red Asphalt" ...

Laura said...

omg- my ex had this cake for my son this year for his 5th birthday- and it was effing terrible!! my ex complained (they even wrote 'rickey and jay' when my son's name is 'rickey jay') and ended up getting the cake for free. hot mess, for sure.

Zaphne said...

It looks like the Ripley mold/growth from Dreamcatcher -- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dreamcatcher_(film)



...Worst part of that is, if you eat it you get an evil alien slug in you.

kendrasue said...

...That's not coral in that last picture - it's slime mold! Seriously? Seriously.

riann said...

omg! my sis-in-law got this cake for her son's
5th birthday and it didn't even look as good as the wrecks.

Anonymous said...

Look at the first stab at the reference cake. You see how the "flames" are seemingly spewing from Optimus? It looks like he's vomiting orange soda, hitting the edge of the cake and splashing back at him.

Anonymous said...

The sadest part about this one is that my mother ordered this from Wal-Mart for my brother's 8th birthday party a few weeks ago. They put her order in for the wrong week (the week after the party) so it wasn't done when she went to pick it up. In 5 minutes, while she waited for it, they created the cake EXACTLY as it looks in that promo shot. So how did those wreckerators manage to screw it up?!

Jess said...

Ha, my boyfriend got that cake this year from a Safeway in Tacoma, and, amazingly enough, it looked almost exactly like it was supposed to! I was quite impressed, and it almost distracted me fromt he fact that he was getting a Transformer's cake for his 18th birthday...

...Oh, who am I kidding? That was awesome!