Friday, August 22, 2008

A Magical Bakery Tour

Friday, August 22, 2008

Today's post has been lovingly ripped off from Wrecks reader Greg H. Greg sent me an e-mail with the following photos and commentary, and has already been duly warned of the impending plagiary (though I will admit to some minor editing). Enjoy!


"Welcome to Magical Cake Magic! Allow me to show you some of our creations."




"First we have Mr. Bony-Hips the cat. Isn't he just the cutest as he stalks his prey?"




"Then there's the ever-popular 'Decaying Camo Fish'. Almost fresh and always delicious!"





“What do you mean that’s unappetizing? Well then, how about the ‘Castle Warfare’ cake? We put in red and orange gumballs to simulate the severed heads. Also, we construct 50% of the cake from
paper towel and toilet paper rolls so your little ones are assured plenty of fiber.


“Hey, where are you going? Don’t you want to place an order? I haven’t even shown you our ‘Teddy Bear Drowning in a Jacuzzi’ model!”




"Or the 'Birthday Sarcophagus' and 'Noah Saves the Rare 2-Headed Giraffe'!"






"Ok, well, I can see you have to rush off now, but be sure and remember us for your next occasion!"



Thanks again to Greg H.!
J. Applebee said...

Maybe the two-headed giraffe is a distant relative of the pushme-pullyou that Doctor Dolittle kept?

The decaying camo fish is something else...

Anonymous said...

Okay, Greg's comments were funny, but you are the master! You should repost this and tell us what you though of when you saw these.

Matthew said...

FIRST!

Ok, I just saw you're blog on "the Buzz Report" at cnet.com. I hate you Molly Wood. I've busted more bloodvessels since I got here, and it was a laugh I really needed.

Thanks for uplift!

John Seavey said...

Excellent as always. Anyone else think that cat was originally a turkey before someone changed their minds on the cake order at the last minute?

Kara said...

That fish looks like it wants to barf almost as much as I do.

Lisa said...

The teddy bear one and Noah one are actually kind of cute and would have turned out great if they would have done a little modifying. However, one what planet did the person come from that thinks that battle-scene cake turned out picture-worthy?? That might scare the kids more than those freaky clowns!!

Dea said...

That's awesome!!! LOL!!! We have some fine examples of air brush overuse, odd subject matter, and strange shaping! A montage of mess....

Chris said...

Am I the only one who thinks the bubbles in the jacuzzi cake are actually kinda cute?

Anyway, for the first several cakes, I think someone needs to take the can of spray paint away from the decorator before they hurt themselves.

Wait, no. That might be a good thing. More spray paint! More spray paint! :-)

hammo said...

Ha ! What IS that teddy bear meant to be lying in? Champagne? Washing-up liquid? Those squidgy plastic packaging things?
Excellent(said in a Mr Burns voice).

Fluffy Cow said...

Is it just me, or does that 'drowning bear' look oddly like a freaked out baby?!? Yikes!

Andrea said...

Even scarier - I think that is a baby drowning in that jacuzzi. Someone call 911!

Loth said...

Oh dear. I must confess to having made a sarcophagus cake myself in the past. But in my defence, my 6 year old son INSISTED! (And it was his birthday)

April said...

Funny as always!

Just a note: The text in some places is so small it's impossible to read.

Kerri said...

Suddenly happy to be allergic to cats. EW

Kerri

Anonymous said...

That's got to be a baby in the bathtub, not a bear - look at the human feet!

Smoochiefrog said...

ROFL!

2 Headed giraffe.

Ha!

Crystal Chick said...

Oh dear. I don't think that's a bear drowning in that bubble bath. It looks like a baby! Yikes!

Sarah said...

ok, the Noahs Ark one would have been cute if each giraffe had been given its own neck.

The rest.....hoooo boy!

The Accidental Housewife said...

I love your cakes. It makes me feel so much better about my homemade disasters! Such as the exploding Barbie Cake.

SolaMommy said...

Why is the cat shaped like a frog?

Monogram Queen said...

People actually PAY for that crap?? Oh dear.... I can't stop laughing!

megan colleen said...

LOL... Those are great!

Trevor said...

okay, in all fairness, the ark might just suffer from bad camera angles. I am not sure that a bad photo of a cake should qualify as a wreck.

Carol said...

Magical Cake Magic is right. Think those decorators will share a little of what they were smoking?

*giggles*

mollyjo1 said...

Personally, I appreciate that the Pharaoh is holding a candy cane. So festive.

Twistie said...

After careful inspection, I think the creature going down for the third time in the jacuzzi from hell is some sort of bizarre teddy bear/baby hybrid. The feet are definitely humanoid, but the ears have a distinct bear-like appearance and placement.

Perhaps it's actually a cake of someone disposing of a genetic experiment gone terribly wrong.

I'm not sure if that makes it better or worse.

Anonymous said...

Hahaha... someone really tried to make that frog a cat ...

Fluffy Cow said...

GAH! solamommy is right! The cat IS shaped like a frog!! It's a Frat! ...or a crog.

La Pixie said...

at first glance, I thought the cat was a frog, too. its really creepy, but not as creepy as the poor drowning baby!!

Tanya said...

The teddy bear in a jacuzzi and Noah's Ark cake had so much potential if they just tweaked a couple of things. They aren't nearly as bad as the others. That fish though...ugh.

Cindy said...

"Why is the cat shaped like a frog?"

Maybe the cake decorator had a frog-shaped cake pan, but not a crouching-cat-shaped cake pan, and figured that with a little icing and some creative air-brushing no one would notice? Optimism dies hard.

Carvel Ice Cream stores have a whale-shaped mold they use for their "Fudgie the Whale" cakes, which get turned into "For a Whale of a Dad" cakes for Father's Day, which is fine. But they also use them (turned 90 degrees) for Santa cakes for Christmas, giving Santa a peculiarly misshapen hat. Fortunately Carvel cakes are so yummy nobody cares, and anyway it's less disturbing than a realistically colored, frog-shaped cat.....

Tatyana said...

oh good i'm not the only one who saw the cat as a frog :P Looks like they just slapped on a pair of ears and a tail.

WakeGrace said...

the rubber duck in the drowning baby cake is the cutest thing ever and the bubbles look maybe like mini marshmallows. yum!

carrera said...

That cat? Is a frog!

Ronnica said...

Another proof that the flood didn't happen...there's no 2-headed giraffes! (okay, I can have fun with those who make fun of me, can't I?)

And that cat looks like it could have TOTALLY been a frog. Just turn the very fat tail into a foot with a little toe definition, color it green, and it's a frog.

MaryO said...

Man. Those are some bada$$ and sada$$ cake wrecks! LMAO

Lindsey Duncan said...

Some of these are great!

I actually think the sarcophagus is kind of cool, but I'm known to have a morbid streak ...

Ricardipus said...

I'm with solamommy - that cat made me think "frog" as soon as I saw it.

A frog would probably have been more appetizing, now that I think about it.

Rachael M. said...

How SUPER EARLY was the bony hips cat girl's 16th birthday?

I want more context. LOL

Nikki said...

Is that pipecleaner choking the cat's neck?

Annie said...

I think the baby in the tub fits in the same category as baby butt.

I love these...hopefully none of my cakes make it on here...lol.

Ming said...

Omg. You just destroyed any possibility of working for the rest of the WEEK!

I do kind of like the teddy bear drowning...

Miranda said...

Given the very human foot, I think the teddy bear in the jacuzzi is actually supposed to be a person in a bathtub. And although I think it definitely belongs on Cake Wrecks, I think it's kinda cute -- and definitely the most edible of these cakes. I like the lack of gross colors in the frosting (I'm sorry, but I don't want to eat *anything* gray).

Aibal said...

The siege castle looks amazing. But I don't think you could eat it without shedding a tear!

Amy Ruthanne said...

I agree, I think that's a baby drowning! Quick, who knows cake CPR?

jen shikami said...

Yeah, that bear/baby has a spookily accurate human foot. So either it's a baby with head tumors, or a bear who's drowning a baby as it clambers to the surface to save itself.

Sarah L said...

Oh, my, the pp are right--that IS a baby drowning in that "tub" cake.

Baby in a tub could be a cute idea (although I'm not really down with the hacking into human beings and eating them, even if they are cake, thing), but that kid is clearly in danger of drowning. Don't these people know you shouldn't leave children unsupervised in the tub?

Obsidian Dragon said...

Some of them weren't that bad, really, but the "cat" and the fish sure were!

Laura said...

Drowning bear in the jacuzzi? Look closely and you will see a human foot next to that bear face. Not sure what is going on, but made me LOL.

tristyn said...

That cat is totally a frog, with a tail and stripes.

M said...

you make me laugh!

ME (A) said...

At this point, I don't even remember how I ended up at this blog; but it is truly a pleasure to be here. These pictures and your comments are hilarious! I actually teared up (from laughing so hard) when I saw the Nov./Dec. cake at the bottom of the page. I will certainly return to witness more of the wrecks you feature.

Thanks for a great laugh.

Ms. Karen said...

Well... at least the sarcophagus cake would be easy to cut and serve. I mean, compared to, um, the rest of them. Just how DO you hack off a piece of the ark, anyway?

Anonymous said...

Your ad graphics are so heavy and unwieldy that surfing here has ceased to be much fun any more!!!!

They ruin the site download and jack my already crummy browser!

Canaduck said...

That Noah's Ark cake actually looks pretty well-done...

...everything else is gross, ESPECIALLY the weird-ass drowning baby/bear.

Morgan said...

Oh my god, Teddy Bear drowning in a Jacuzzi, I think a tore a ligament from laughing

Anonymous said...

Somebody's been watching WAY too much Food Network!!

adozeneggs said...

Does the cat's body look like a frog? If you don't look at the head and tail, it totally looks like a frog.
Who looks at these and says "damn that's a nice looking cake"?

Nina said...

Geez...

Anonymous said...

I don't think most of these are that bad. I'm not a fan of the toilet paper roll cake, of course (especially by a professional), and the use of spray is excessive, but I think the Ark cake only suffers from poor camera angle and the baby bath cake is cute.

Call me crazy...!

HeatherPride said...

Hello - not that you need any help from me, but I thought I'd let you know that I linked to your site w/ an award today.

joyce said...

Wow---wish I'd thought of marshmallows as a icing substitute, but with three boys, even marshmallows did not last long around here. And the castle reminds me of when my boys would run matchbox cars over their gingerbread men to make them look like road kill.

It does look like a baby's foot...in the jacuzzi.

heartafire said...

I have never laughed so hard at any site in the blogoshpere, as I have for the past hour, enjoying yours....
What a complete hootfest.
Thanks so much----your commentary is what really brings home the gold (Sorry, am watching the closing ceremonies, and have an Olympics vibe going....)

Sandra said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Ziggyeor said...

These are too funny.

About the cakes ment to be eaten I'm wondering if the castle one is ment to be a show piece?

Anyone watch Ace of Cakes? They just did a King Tut cake for a surprise birthday at a museum where the museum had an Egyptian exhibit. AWESOME! Much better than the one shown there, no candy canes for one LOL.

The cat is ugly, the fish is disturbing and so is that teddy bear drowning, it's slightly cute though.

Ziggy

Renee Katz said...

I like the drowning bear. I want to eat something that looks like that.

charra said...

i may not be the first to say (too lazy to read all the previous posts)...but i think that "bear" cake is supposed to be a BABY!! even worse!

P.L. Frederick said...

That jacuzzi cake is pure genius!

P.L. Frederick (Small & Big)

Anonymous said...

Some of these bakers / decorators must have read / watched "The Island of Dr. Moreau" (H.G. Wells) a few too many times for their own good!!!

Maybe they were trying to re-create their own artistic impressions of some of Dr. Moreau's possible early vivisection experiments in cake - scary stuff!!!

Love your blog - fantastic stuff.
Anonymous

Anonymous said...

I'm pretty sure I made the sarcophagus cake out of playdough when I was in seventh grade. Are you sure that's a real cake?
And, BTW, I love you and your ridiculous cake blog!

--Kat

Anonymous said...

OMG-I couldn't figure out where i had seen these before, these are all made from a decorator in my town! NOW the "Magical Cake Magic" Makes sense! Man how awesome is it that not one but like 8 cakes made it! LOL! Talk about some "talent"!!!!!!!

Cupcakes Lady said...

And thats why cats are my least favourite animals! ;) xx