Wednesday, October 27, 2010

This Is Halloween. (No, Really.)

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Greetings, bakers! This handy guide will demonstrate how easy it is to turn your bakery's plain stock cakes into fabulously frightening Halloween designs.


Then let's get started!

First, nothing says "Halloween!" like a sprinkling of candy corn:

So easy, the deli guy can do it!

Or, October is the perfect month to stretch your product's shelf life. When the icing cracks and the colors fade, just add a spiderweb!

See? Now you meant to do that!

And why not take this opportunity to "customize" your scones?

"That'll be $1.20 extra for our 'tomb scone specials.'"

Or, since studies* have shown that customers prefer plastic over pastry nearly 37 to 1, far better to reach for your trusty Flotsam Bugs®!

* We asked our marketing team.

Suddenly, Stanley felt the tide of power turning...

Flotsam Bugs® are grrreat for turning any design into a Halloween one. Can your bakers only make roses? Nooo problem. Just add a Flotsam Bug®, and poof!

Now that's one scary Halloween flower!

Or, how about turning a birthday present into a Halloween birthday present?

Spine-chilling, isn't it?

But let's say you have character cakes already decorated with an assortment of flotsam. What then?

Why, just pipe a few ghosts on, silly!

Hm? What's that? How do you pipe ghosts?


Ever see a cactus?


And finally, what about all those doggy cupcakes you're required to pump out by the pound? Well, a little Flotsam will soon have you seeing eye-to-eye with your customers!


Or, if you want to go the extra mile, give Patches some patches!

Good dog that's awful.

I mean, uh, look how cute!

And remember, bakers, once Halloween is over it's easy to convert your cakes back, too:

"Aw, Suzy, don't cry! It's just a sweet little kitty cat! See? He's smiling at you!"

Thanks to Wreckporters Katrina S., Kristin S., Holly Q., Emily A., Sara F., Megan G., Jess & Connor W., Bettie P., Stacey K., & Kristen, who know that a party hat makes everything better.
Bryan said...

I know what I'm doing at work today!
*grabs last year's bag of candy corn*

mn_me said...

i think patches has bedbugs!


Julia said...

That is one massive rose.

Stella said...

Do you really need Halloween inspired cakes to make it scary? >>shudder<<

Jules AF said...

Are those ants with the spider web or are my eyes deceiving me?

Sandy also in SoFla said...

OMG! That green dog??? And that last evil black cat with a party hat? Did you see those teeth?

I can just see it now... children in their party best sitting around a table singing Happy Birthday anticipating a cute birthday cake... when hostess brings out evil party cat cake!

Kids scream and topple the table as they jump up and run away in terror.. that night all are having to sleep with their parents and crying out of fear the evil black party cat is going to come out from under their beds and attack!

I love you guys!!

The Lili Effect said...

That cat in the birthday cone hat is terrifying. I wanted to try to rhyme this post, but I'm too freaked out.

Anonymous said...

OMG that was HILARIOUS! the advertising commentary was a scream!

seriously? spiders on roses? eh, I could see that. (It IS a lovely rose)

the flotsam eyes and fangs on the cat are scary! poor Suzy! bargain cake for you! (hope you're older than 10 so you're not totally traumatized)

Patches is moldy and infested with bugs. But he looks happy, like he's looking for a home. (Reminds me of ratty looking Sandy from Annie)

the Cycloptic Dog is great! he's ghostly white too! LOL leaving ghastly footprints and kibble. He's even missing a toe...huge moustache, too. Is he wearing a costume? is he related to the abominable snowman in Rudolph?

hey, cactus ghosts have every right to be under the sea with Spongebob, a squirrel, a butterfly and a pineapple. it TOTALLY makes sense....REALLY....(great Halloween save bakers!)

meanwhile, the ribbon on the present looks like vines. maybe the spider is lost?

"tomb scones!" LOL

I can't decide on the neon purple and green cake....are the ants ganging up on the spider? are they being lured to their doom? are they his minions? are the wreckerators confused about what spiders look like and the ants were supposed to be an infestation of spiders? (we all know they're just recycling the leftover summer picnic ants.... extra credit at the bakery with the manager for not wasting supplies!)

brilliant stuff today. so much variety. and love the ad! well done! (er, by YOU, Jen. OBVIOUSLY not the wreckerators)

Mary Connealy said...

Admit it, you've been looking for a chance to say 'tomb scone' for a long, long time.


Anonymous said...

Why are there Cheerios in the box with the cyclops puppy?


R2P2 said...

I have a feeling that some of these designs are the result of store managers, in an attempt to be all I/O Psych and Office Space-y, are encouraging workers to be creative! and innovative! and YES, you too can contribute by creating your own designs!

Because made-to-order standard bakery fare just doesn't scream "career growth."

Lauren said...

I actually really like the dog with one eye! That's what I'm going to get for my birthday.

Nolly said...

Well, a local musician here does have a song called "The Spider in the Rose", but I'd be amazed if the wreckerator knew it. It's a lovely inadvertent homage, though.

DeAnn said...

Are those piles of poo next to the dog?

Anonymous said...

Is it bad that I actually kinda like the zombie dog?

kittymidori said...

i. hate. spiders. and ants.

but seeing the two together on a cake was hilarious!

they looked ready to fight to the death in some sort of epic Flotsam Battle!

Anonymous said...

I really like Patches, actually. At least it looks like someone made an effort to create the zombie-ragdoll-creepy puppy. And he's soooo happy! I'd buy him, if he wouldn't put me into a sugar coma.

staxia said...

Ugh. the Dizgeek in me only sees the hidden mickey on the seeing eye dog cake...

I must need help!

Irene said...

All I could think of when I saw the second cake down was, "NO, NOT MY BELOVED PUBLIX!" I guess I'm naive and thought that Publix could never make a cake wreck. The green dog looks like he has open wounds. Yikes!

Emme Piedmacer said...

I used to love plastic whatnot on my cakes when I was younger. Even after the cake was gone i got to wash it off and have a keepsake.

Sharon said...

Cat cake:
I see the hat now, but at first glance and your comment about recycling, I saw a zombie chicken hatching out of a weird looking Easter egg.

Sharon's Edible Art

NettyM said...

FYI the SpongeBob flotsam come with little buttons on the backs. When you push the buttons, their top halves pop off! Then, you can have some real fun and mix up the tops and the bottoms!

I know because the cake my husband brought home for my son last weekend had them in a baggie attached to the box. The pop-off toy amused my kids so much the flotsam never touched the cake at all!!!

Amanda said...

I love it when my 4 yr old daughter looks at this site and says stuff like, "What the heck is that supposed to be?!" Today it was in reference to the black blob that was likely to be a black cat.

Kenvee said...

Maybe I'm sick, but I actually liked Patches the Frankenstein dog.

Anonymous said...

I think Patches is really a cake meant to show the importance of using flea and tick collars even in Octobrrrrrrr :)

Shanti said...

That black party cat wants to eat my soul. And I say that as a lifelong cat lover! At least Frankenweenie is kind of cute...

The spider on the rose could be an awesome Goth cake if done properly.

Donna said...

Here kitty kitty kitty...LOVE the black cat cake! "No, Susie, those aren't fangs on fluffy, really."

Brooke said...

I think I like the spider on the rose cupcake. I think the plastic of the spider would prove a nice foil on the palate against all that frosting...

Oldish Lady said...

Ok, I kind of like the cat in the last one. It's got this "Hi, kids, want to play a game?" sort of vibe....

kayk said...

@Sandy -- When's the last time you saw kids at a party in "their best"? Where do you live, Stepford?

That said, I also think Patches is pretty adorable. His face is so sweet. (ba-DUM!) And I'm a cat person.

wv: dessne. "Patches looks like he wants to go home with you, dessne?"

Julia said...

What does the green dog's tail look like to you.... HAHA guess I have been looking at too many "castle" cakes

Amy said...

ha ha. as usual i laughed out loud... unfortunately, i have pleurisy at the moment, so it was a bit painful! well, most of those cakes would have been painful to see, even without pleurisy! haha. Love it all!

Amy said...

ha ha. as usual i laughed out loud... unfortunately, i have pleurisy at the moment, so it was a bit painful! well, most of those cakes would have been painful to see, even without pleurisy! haha. Love it all!

Knit Wit said...

How sad is it that I'd buy the one-eyed dog?

That black cat is plain evil though. Little Suzy needs to run far and run fast!

Anonymous said...

The cakes are funny, but hey- have you ever worked deli? It's no picnic...

Inaya said...

Is that rose on a PIE?

Four Jordans said...

That Chernobyl dog was actually kinda cute. :)

Heather said...

Addie beat me to it! I agree... Patches has bedbugs.

Megan said...

My co-worker walked up and saw the dog with the patches on it and said, and I quote, "Why would someone want a cake of a dog that has ticks on it?!"

Ewwww...It makes me itchy thinking about it...

Anonymous said...

'tomb scone' 'Flotsam Bug' (R)


Love the hidden mickey. That cat is going to give me nightmares.

Laughing too hard to keep thoughts straight. Choking on chocolate chips...

Note to self: no more food or drink while reading CW.


ah, wv -- resth -- I can now take a resth from laughing... images are no longer on my scthreen.

Anonymous said...

um, I think I see a pumpkin patch under the sea! Spongebob? care to comment?

wv: perfixte.
how to recycle a botched cake. ("Look, I perfixte it!")

Also, what it becomes. "Look, it's perfixte!"

Craig said...

Given that wreckerators do 'scary' the other 51 weeks of the year as well, Halloween cakes are almost redundant. Still, these bogus 'saves' are hilarious.

I wonder if the spider web was inspired by the real thing...

How about a zombie cake -- where the cake itself is a zombie. Yummy!

mn_me said...

oh and the "birthday present" with the big spider on it???

it knew it was a wreck all along... there are orange "W"s all over the cake.. They stand for Wreck.


Lisa Gibson said...

Is it just me or does the thing on the top of the black cat look like another face. That is actually what I thought until you mentioned party hat. Whoops!

Monica said...

Underneath that spider is a very pretty rose. Though never seeing something like that before, I'm envisioning that it is actually a cupcake with roughly a pound of icing... Also, I kind of love the scary black cat with the party hat...

Emma said...

I kind of thought the "fraken-dog" was cute...Am I a werido?

Anonymous said...

Favorite punchline: "tomb scones"
I think I'll have to go make some now...

Anonymous said...

Who lives in a pumpkin under the sea?
Spongebob Ghostpants!
Transparent and pale-white is he!
Spongebob Ghostpants!
If nautical Halloween is somethin' you wish
Spongebob Ghostpants!
Then drop dead on the deck...
Spongebob Ghostpants!
Spongebob Ghostpants!
Spongebob Ghostpants!
Spongebaaaaab Ghooooostpaaaaaaants!
Boo-boo boo-boo boo-boo booo-oooo

wv stchaid: I'm glad I stchaid and read the comments - you guys are funny! :-D

Isolder74 said...

Since you've gotten it stuck in my head I give you!

This Is Halloween In Deutsch!

Jungen und Mädchen jeden Alters
Würden Sie nicht gerne etwas seltsam zu sehen?

Kommen Sie mit uns und Sie werden sehen
Diese, unsere Stadt zu Halloween

[Pumpkin Patch CHORUS]
Das ist Halloween, das ist Halloween
Pumpkins Schrei in der Stille der Nacht

Das ist Halloween, jeder eine Szene machen
Süßes oder Saures bis die Nachbarn vor Angst sterben
Es ist unsere Stadt, jeder SCREM
In dieser Stadt von Halloween

[Geschöpf unter dem Bett]
Ich bin der einem Versteck unter dem Bett
Zähne geschliffen scharf und rote Augen

[Mann unter der Treppe]
Ich bin der, versteckt unter Ihnen Treppe
Finger wie Schlangen und Spinnen in den Haaren

Das ist Halloween, das ist Halloween

Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! Halloween!
In dieser Stadt haben wir zu Hause anrufen
Jeder Hagel zum Kürbis Song

In dieser Stadt, nicht wir lieben es jetzt?
Everybody's für die nächste Überraschung wartet

Rund die Ecke, man versteckt in den Müll cam
Something's nicht auf der Lauer, und wie Sie ...

Schrei! Dies ist Halloween
Red 'n' schwarzen, schleimigen grünen

Hast du keine Angst?

Nun, das ist gut so
Sagen Sie es einmal sagen, dass es zweimal
Nutzen Sie die Chance und die Würfel rollen
Fahrt mit dem Mond in der Nacht

[Hanging Tree]
Jeder Schrei, Schrei everbody

In unserer Stadt Halloween!

Ich bin der Clown mit der Träne weg-Gesicht
Hier in einem Blitz und ohne Spur verschwunden

Ich bin der "wer", wenn Sie rufen: "Wer ist da?"
Ich bin der Wind bläst durch die Haare

[Oogie Boogie SHADOW]
Ich bin der Schatten auf dem Mond in der Nacht
Füllen Sie Ihre Träume bis zum Rand mit Lampenfieber

Das ist Halloween, das ist Halloween
Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! Halloween!
Halloween! Halloween!

Tender lumplings überall
Das Leben ist kein Spaß, ohne ein gutes erschrecken

[Parent CORPSES]
Das ist unser Job, aber wir sind nicht bedeuten,
In unserer Stadt von Halloween

In dieser Stadt

Haben wir nicht lieben es jetzt?

Skeleton Jack können Sie in den Rücken fangen
Und schreien wie eine Banshee
Machen Sie springen aus der Haut
Das ist Halloween, jeder Schrei
Wont 'ya bitte Platz machen für einen ganz besonderen Mann

Unser Mann ist König Buchse des Pumpkin Patch
Jeder Hagel zum Pumpkin King

Das ist Halloween, das ist Halloween
Halloween! Halloween! Halloween! Halloween!

In dieser Stadt haben wir zu Hause anrufen
Jeder Hagel zum Kürbis Song

La la-la la, Halloween! Halloween! [Wiederholen]

Let it haunt you!!!!!!

oh and for the WV-->acids

What the makers of these cakes must have been using when these cakes were made.

Claire said...

I loved the rose with the spider... and all three Halloweenie animals at the end!

Anonymous said...

Ugh. Why would ANYone want a cake with nasty ol' spiders on it? Brrrrr. And an additional "ickkkk".

WV: "unnood": wreckerator term, derived from "denude", as in "The cake would look better if you unnood it of the flotsam."

Merry at Annie's Book Stop

mio said...

Are those not the dumbest ants ever? "Oh hey! Look! A spiderweb! Let's get closer!"

Anonymous said...

I missed the episode of SpongeBob where dead saguaros haunt Bikini Bottom, but I guess that makes as much sense as anything else they've done on that show.

I think the black cat is spot on. Seriously, put a party hat on a cat and see if that's not the expression you see right before cat liberates your face from your skull.

My WV is awesome: falke! You can't have Falker Satherhood Day without falke!

quichepup said...

Thank you, Isolder74. You are awesome!

I'll be humming "das ist Halloween" all week now.

I admit I like the Spongebob cake.

Maureen said...

“tomb scone specials”
“Good dog that’s awful”
Awesome as always!!

deromanticize said...

Am I the only one who thinks "Patches" is sort of cute? He reminds me of some cartoon or show from when I was little and the person's dog was all sewn together like Frankenstein's monster. Anyone know what I'm talking about?

deromanticize said...

Ah, turns out this is what I'm talking about:

jillb-ilslp said...

I heard Colin and Ryan from "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" in my head doing this commentary. Especially with the lines
"Good dog that's awful.

I mean, uh, look how cute!"

Jen, you're too much! Love you!

kimberj said...

Last week I babysat 3 and 5 yr olds. We decorated cupcakes with sprinkles, candy corn etc. With no direction from me they did better than the wrecks in this posting! Yikes...

Anonymous said...

Actually, given my temperment, I don't think I'd *mind* the black cat birthday cake...

Anonymous said...

the horror the horror....

Tricia L said...

@ Irene said "All I could think of when I saw the second cake down was, "NO, NOT MY BELOVED PUBLIX!" I guess I'm naive and thought that Publix could never make a cake wreck."

Actually, Irene, I believe that is a Walmart creation based on the mark-down label. I think it is time for our beloved Publix to find some new bakery labels that are not identical to those used at Walmart.

And I find it very sad that I have to read several dozen comments to learn what that is on top of the black cat. I'm with Sharon on this, I thought it was a deformed Easter egg.

Ames said...

You always make me smile! I want a tomb scone. With a spider.

DaGeorge said...

as to the candy corn.... THEY WASH IT! THEY WASH IT!!!


Anonymous said...

Cyclops dog!! woot

Anonymous said...

the hat on the cat looks like an off-color "Beaker" from the Muppet Show

-Barbara Anne

C. L. said...

Ha! At first, I thought Patches was covered in festive bugs or something. Actual patches never came to mind.

Arlene said...

Nothing could be more frightening than a Spongebob cake.. arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh that would make me run for the hills lol. Why would they ruin a perfectly good rose with a spider :( this makes me sad. Ah these wreckerators they make people cry lol.

Penguin said...

Ok, the candy corn. Really? Really really?? At least the others were trying for to achieve something, however misguided. The candy corn is just sheer laziness. At least turn the candy corn into a misshapen decorative pumpkin design, or perhaps some sort of candy corn bat, but just a smattering of candy corn on a cake? For shame.

A.J. said...

I actually like Patches the Frankendog and the Cyclops the dog. I am strange, I guess.

TheRedQueen said...

I haven't posted here before, though I've posted over at Epbot. But I had to tell you...that Dog with the Eyeball literally made me stop chewing. I was eating lunch, and my jaw just stopped and hung slack for a minute...hahaha. I'm sure it would have been funny to watch! I always love the Halloween posts...and this year is better than ever!

CarrieP said...

I like the Cyclops dog.

The other dog is cool too if you keep in mind he's a Borg.

WV: "difun." "Difun never stops at Cake Wrecks."

Anonymous said...

Those are the biggest fleas I've ever seen.

mystic_eye_cda said...

Duuuuuude I don't know what it is, or where its from, but the 'tomb scone specials.' looks super yummy (well the spider web one beside its prettier, but either way it looks like caramel-y mousse-y pastry goodness!

Unknown said...

Gives new meaning to the term, "Seeing Eye Dog", doesn't it?