Bonus Side Tangent Contest Results

The other day I threw down the challenge gauntlet, asking you all to find me a cake celebrating the flu or food poisoning. Many of you jauntily took up that gauntlet, brushed it off, and are now attempting a brisk-yet-virtual slap-across-my-face with the following:

Mary B was the first to submit it, and I must say being sick never looked so cute. Of course, I would assume this is a "get well soon" cake, not a "Yay! You have the flu/chicken pox!" cake. Still, not bad.

Jan G. took a more causal* approach to the challenge:

As near as we can make out, the cake board says "I love microbes!" leaving us to assume the purple and yellow mass is supposed to be...a microbe. (It's a gift - what can I say?) Since bacteria and viruses are microbes, and this cake is *clearly* quite enamored with those, I'd say we have as close to a winner as we're going to get. Excellent work, Jan!


* Yes, "causal", not "casual" - though I can see how you'd get those mixed up.

Why Football & Bridal Showers Don't Mix

The happy couple-to-be chose his (yes, his) favorite football team's colors for the bridal shower cake, resulting in...well, this:

I'm not sure which is worse: the color scheme or the smashed floral squid-like creature lurking on top, its rosy tendrils poised to snag any unsuspecting guest who strays too close. ("Oh, look, hon! They spelled it right and everythin...AAAUGGH! It's got me! Getitoffgetitoff -HELP!!!)

Despite my dizzying array of sports knowledge, I'm afraid I don't know which football team out there dresses in orange, purple, and pale puke green. Any ideas, Ashley W.?

Sunday Sweets: Fastastical Beasts

I can see that I'm going to have to be a lot more specific with Sunday Sweet Assignments: giving you guys free rein on the Fantasy theme has resulted in hundreds (and hundreds) of submissions. Don't get me wrong: I LOVE that you guys are responding so, er, enthusiastically, but I'm going to have to narrow down the criteria in the future.

Since I've got so much good stuff to share with you, I'm going to break it up into categories. Today's feature will be dragons and unicorns. Tune in next week for Fairies & Castles.

First and foremost, here's a flat-out AMAZING dragon from - who else? - Mike's Amazing Cakes:

You can tell this is for role-playing gamers by the corn dogs and mozzarella sticks in the background. Come to think of it, all this shin-dig is missing are some Hot Pockets! [cue Jim Gaffigan bit]

Here's another angle:

(Thanks to Christine C. and Sarah, who were among the first of billions to send these in. Check here for more shots and pics of the cake being cut.)

Next we have an equally impressive Unicorn and Fairy Combo from Sandra of Sugar Fun:

Visit Sandra's site to see in-process photos.
(Laura N. was the first to send this one. Thanks, Laura!)

Next, in the "so-cute-it-hurts" category from Richard's Cakes, we have a dragon...in a tutu:

So obviously when I say "I'm drawing the line at tutus" I mean "unless they're stinkin' adorable". Everybody got that?

And lastly, Julie W. found a not-so-great photo of a truly great cake:

Arg, my kingdom for decent lighting! Still, if you can look past the blinding flash and shadows, you'll see this is a gorgeous replica of the famous "Unicorn in Captivity" tapestry:

The floral work is exquisite, and I love the little tree. It was made by Magda's Cake Creations, and if you visit the link you'll see a few other angles there.

And let me close with another great dragon cake. Uh, let's see, first I have to choose one... (this is torture, guys; you sent in so many good ones!)

Ok, here, let's go with Kenya S.'s find:

I love that color. According to creator Shoshannah84 over on Deviant Art, it was inspired by Anne McCaffrey's Dragon Riders. Nice!

Thanks so much, everyone! Feel free to continue sending in fantasy cakes, but particularly fairy and/or castle cakes for next Sunday.

Groom's Cake for a Cop

Prepare yourself for the yummiest-looking cliche EVER:


Aaaaand now I'm craving donuts. Thanks a LOT, Anony M.

It's nice to see a member of law enforcement with such a good sense of humor, though. At least, I hope this was his idea: it would have been a tad awkward if the bride's father ordered it. No one wants a parking ticket at their own daughter's wedding, right?

Food that's Bad for You, Disguised as...Food that's Bad for You

Some of you will think these are Sunday-worthy, but I find the concept of cake-as-greasy-meat-products just a wee bit wrecky. (And yes, that does make me a hypocrite: I confess I've made a pizza cake before.)

Here we have a nicely rendered cake-that-looks-like-a-corndog, wishing itself (or perhaps another corndog not pictured) a happy birthday. Um, my brain hurts just a little, Nicole E.
(Check out the source for some nifty giant cakes-that-look-like-donuts.)

A lot of you have submitted various versions of the burger n' fries model:

Most of these are pretty well-done [smirk], but Sara B. points out that the greasy shine and red icing "ketchup" are, shall we say, less than appetizing.

Plus, Thomas M. shows us that there can be such a thing as too much realism:

Those are REAL sesame seeds on the icing bun there. Here's hoping they didn't get carried away and salt the "fries", too.

Of course, on the other end of the spectrum is Emily B.'s find:

On the plus side, no one will mistake this for an actual burger. On the negative side, no one will mistake it for a cake, either.

Nancy was kind enough to share her "yellow cake chocolate pizza CCC" find:

Crafting a triangle-shaped slice of pizza from round-shaped cupcakes? Yeah, that's a good call. And why is the "crust" made from poo swirls?

Here Mrs. L. found the lazy version: it's a little sparse on toppings.

Of course, given that the "meatballs" are just mounds of solid icing, I guess we should be grateful there aren't more toppings. The crust looks better on this one, too.

Continuing in the Italian vein, spaghetti cakes are also pretty popular, and often disturbingly realistic. There's a great CCC example over on Flickr, but since I like to stick to pro creations (as opposed to procreations) here on Wrecks, I borrowed Melissa's of Wild Cakes to show you:

Ingenious food impersonation? Or nefarious sugary impostor? You decide!

(Melissa, you let me know if you've changed your mind about that whole "use anything you want from my site" thing, k? And thanks for being such a good sport.)

Speaking of grease and sugar, there's always the ultimate in wrecky flavor combos: the Pork n' Tomato Stuffed Chocolate Iced Donut from Bompass & Parr. If you're starting a diet for the new year, I highly recommend you check that out. Your waistline will thank me.

Year of the Tongue?

Happy New Year, from a pig with the world's longest tongue:

Or I suppose it could be an ant-eater. Or a wild boar. Or an anthropomorphized vacuum cleaner.

Or, if you turn it THIS way, a Billy Goat wearing a balloon hat:

Heh, it's like an ink blot test. What do YOU see?*


Thanks and belated birthday greetings go to Amy C., who suffers from having a birthday between Christmas and New Years. Like many kids growing up with such a birth date, she never had a birthday cake of her very own. So last week, after years of waiting for someone else to buy her a cake, she decided to go out and just get it herself. [standing and applauding] Plus, she ALSO bought this cake - with no intention of eating it - solely to share with us here on Cake Wrecks. Now that's a Wreckporter.

Amy, you just keep wreckin' on with your bad self. And thanks for the reminder that life's too darn short to not buy your own birthday cake. Live it up this year, my friend, and enjoy that cake.

* You know, besides the obvious but not-so-creative pink elephant. ;)

Wasted Cakes

If there's one thing I've learned from this blog, it's that there's a cake for everything. Vasectomies, divorces, fecal triumphs - bakeries come through where even Hallmark is left speechless. So for those of you reading this through squinted, blood-shot eyes, nursing a killer migraine, and wondering if God was actually paying attention to your 4AM porcelain-throne confessional this morning: cheer up; there's a cake for that.

Binky here is part of the new "scare 'em sober" line of cake kits. Nothing says "drink in moderation" quite like a deceased flattened clown with charred lumps for feet, right? "And that's why it's important to remember "stop, drop and roll" when doing flaming shots, boys and girls!"


Look familiar? I hope not; anyone who keeps a big mass of string cheese in their bathroom has serious hygiene issues. I'm glad the guy is labeled a "Party Animal", though: otherwise you might think this was celebrating the flu or food poisoning.

(Bonus Side Tangent Competition: Who can be the first to find me an actual cake celebrating the flu or food poisoning? C'mon; you know they're out there!)

And then there's Charlie, who shows us once and for all that you're never too old to party:

Charlie apparently likes to rock the Casbah with a couple of redskin potatoes shoved down the back of his pants. He also has a gargantuan toilet with a joystick on the seat, which he doesn't like to talk about.

[whispers] Shhh. He's sleeping. That pink shag rug and the smell of 2000 Flushes gets him every time. Aren't they just the cutest when they're dreaming?

(Yes, it's "professional". What, don't you trust me?)

Well, Happy New Year, everyone! Here's to a Wrecktastic 2009.

Thanks to Sarah N., and Stefani H.!

Party Like It's 1999

Well, it's New Year's Eve, and that means you've got two things on the brain right now: dieting and booze. Since it's somewhat difficult to find cakes celebrating diets (which is really a shame; I'm holding out for the "all cakey carbs" diet) let me see what kind of alcohol-themed stuff I can dig up for you.

Ok, here's a dreaded CCC (cupcake cake) for the martini lover: definitely shaken, not stirred.

Uh, this looks more like a bottle of hair tonic than alcohol. (Not that I've ever *seen* a bottle of hair tonic, of course; I just imagine it would look like this.) Sorry, I'll keep looking.

Hm. Well, John and I are still debating just what the heck this is, but I think it might be an exploding champagne bottle. (John sees one of those holiday crackers that you pull open.) The one thing we both agree on is that it's butt-ugly. [evil grin]

Moving on...

Very, uh, "creative". Can you picture the conversation that led to this cake order?

"We need a cake for Bob."
"Ok, what does he like?"
"Beer."

I have a friend who used to drink orange juice with his chocolate cake, but I'm pretty sure even he would agree that drinking beer with cake is just wrong. Blech.

And while we're on the subject, let me wrap up with a little PSA: folks, tonight when you're out partying, please think of others. Please, don't drink and decorate. Don't let this happen to you or someone you love:

[shaking head sadly] Granted, it was considerate of the wreckerator to provide little bottles of "blur vision"for those unfortunate souls who will have to EAT the cake, but that hardly excuses the drunken airbrush weaving, the gold and purple shoelaces, or the [closing eyes] margarita candles. Not to mention the mystery foam, construction-paper lettering, or bizarre green-striped chocolate "ladies". Yikes. So remember: this New Year don't get mad, get C.L.A.D.D. (Cake Lovers Against Drunk Decorating).

By the by, I verified that this was indeed listed on a "professional" bakery's website. A website which, oddly enough, is no longer operational. Go fig.

Hey Jason T., Lynn B., Corianna L.,Kati B., and Marnie P.: if you didn't come to party, don't bother knockin' on my door.

Why You Don't Raid Other People's Refrigerators

[opening fridge] "Hey Sarah, you got any bee...AAAAUUGGHHH!!!!"


For those of you who would otherwise insist on knowing the whys and wherefores of this photo, here's what submitter Sarah M. had to say for herself (yes, she's the baker):

Subject: I swear I do get paid for making cakes

"The attached however was for a friend's surprise birthday party at a Chinese restaurant and since the birthday girl was born in the year of the rat, well I thought a giant rat cake would be appropriate."

Good thinking. Rats as a whole get far too little face time in the world of cakes.

"However my air conditioning failed halfway through the process and the butter cream icing began to destabilize and well all I could save was the head with the light up eyes."

Yep, see that tin foil "tail"? It's electric!

"The recipient of the cake claimed to my face it was the best d**n thing she had ever received.

- Sarah (I have more talent than this) M."

Sarah, I think I speak for everyone here when I say: you really need to buy better beer. Is that Miller Lite I spy in the door? Tsk, tsk. Oh, and also: we should all be so lucky to have friends make us electrified rodent heads for our birthday celebrations. Right, guys?

Grandpa's Order

"Sweetie, I get the feeling your father has been a little impatient for us to have a boy."
"Why do you say that, hon?"
"Oh, you know, all the baseball equipment for the girls' birthdays..."
"They loved those!"
"And the football helmets..."
"Once we painted the tiaras on they wore them all day."
"And you know earlier, when we told him we were having a boy this time? I'm sure that back flip couldn't have been good for his arthritis."
"Oh, he was just being cute, is all. I'm sure the thought of us having a boy is no more exciting for him than the thought of our having another girl."
"Riiight. Have you seen the cake?"
"He bought a cake?"

[silence]
"Er. Does he think we're naming the baby Finaly?"
"That's supposed to say "finally", dear."
"Oooooh."
[more silence]
"So, do you want to tell him we were joking, or shall I?"


Amy W., I'd wait 'til after the cake was served.

Sunday Sweets Assignment

Ok, my trusted Wreckporters, your assignment this week is: Fantasy.

I'm talking trolls, fairies, dragons, kraken, anthropomorphized plant life, and yes, even unicorns (I'm drawing the line at tutus, though). As with all Sunday Sweets, these cakes do NOT have to be professionally made. You can search bakery websites, public image hosting sites like Flickr, or use Google image search. You can also submit your own cakes. Send them to me at Sunday Sweets [at] Cake Wrecks [dot] com, and be sure to include the image source so I can credit the baker.

Happy hunting!

Have a suggestion for a Sunday Sweet Assignment? Leave me a note in the comments!

NOTE: Please don't leave image links in the comments, guys: e-mail them to me instead. Thanks!

Winter Wonderland Sweets Continued

Here are some more amazing cakes you readers have submitted for the "Winter Wonderland" assignment.

Emily S. made this for her work's Christmas party:

Although those snowflakes are lovely and delicate, my favorite bits are the marshmallows and "steam" rising from the cup of cocoa. Why can't every workplace have someone like you, Emily?

Sarah W. was the first to submit this one from Highland Bakery, where the decorators prove that not all airbrushing is evil:

I don't think I've ever seen shading done so skillfully. Love it.

Miki W. found this electric addition:

You wouldn't think a string of lights on a cake would look elegant, but Dianne Rockwell (aka "The Cake Lady") really managed it for this wedding cake. Don't those snowflakes look like porcelain?

Here's the one you guys submitted the most, from Pink Cake Box:

Super cute. Thanks to Heather, who I think was the very first to send it in.

Here's one from the creator of the very first Sweet I ever posted: Mike of Mike's Amazing Cakes:

I almost feel chilly just looking at this; those snow-dusted pine needles are simply perfect.

And lastly, here's a gorgeously detailed bridal shower cake from She Takes the Cake:

Click on the photo to see the larger version: the lace work and ribbon are truly incredible.

Thanks again to all of you who submitted nominees for the Winter Wonderland assignment; I'm just sorry I couldn't include them all! Stay tuned for your next theme assignment!

Goy Gaffes

(Ok, so the assumption that these were NOT made by Jews is a leap, I know, but can't a girl hope?)

"A Star is (Not) Born"

Yes, technically a Star of David is two triangles intersecting, Bugsy - but not like this. And I think you can lay off the "poiple" icing now, too.

"The Teal Tornado"

As you can see, this traditionally-colored flaming whirlwind knocked the wording about and blew the second 'k' clean off. Of course, if for the sake of argument we called this a "menorah", then it's also missing a candle. The fact that the "candles" look like Christmas trees is just the icing on the, er, cookie. Mazel Tov!

And last but not least,

"The Religiously Confused"

How much you wanna bet this bakery has a bin of "Christmas Stars" in the back?


Thanks to Ebony W., Shanna M. and Frank R.!

Kwanzaa Will Not Be Spared

I made an exception before to include a Sandra Lee creation here on Wrecks, and I'm afraid I have to do so again. How could I not share this bit of holiday cheer with you all?

Yes, those are corn nuts on the edges, although Lee calls them "acorns". There's also canned apple pie filling, cinnamon chocolate icing, pumpkin seeds, and of course the giant taper candles. Here's a handy diagram courtesy of One Horse Shy (which offers it as a poster or on t-shirts) in case you didn't catch all that:
If you want to watch Sandra work her magic you'll find the official video (with commercials) here, or watch a low-quality Youtube version here.

But wait, there's more! While I was digging around looking for more Kwanzaa Wreckage online (note: there is none) I uncovered a hilarious photo-documentary by Flickr user Kitty LaRoux of her and a friend (aided by an indeterminate amount of bourbon) attempting to recreate the cake. (Her blog post on it is hilarious, too.) The official recipe online includes popcorn in addition to the corn nuts and pumpkin seeds, so the end result - sans candles - ends up looking something like this:

The title of this photo is "We have to eat it?", and the reaction shot after she tries it is pretty priceless. I'm guessing it tastes as bad as it looks, Kitty?

Now, before you guys start complaining that this is not technically a Wreck, let me just say I can only work with what I'm given, alright? I haven't found ANY other Kwanzaa wreckage out there. In fact, I'm starting to think that this African festival of First Fruits is somehow anti-cake; that, or they're being made extremely well and kept in strict seclusion. Here's hoping that next year wreckerators will step it up. ;)

In So Many Words...

Today's Wrecks speak for themselves. Or at least attempt to.

I find myself wishing this said "holladay", just so I could work in a lame Gwen Stefani reference. But since I'm just a girl (in the world), I guess I'll leave that up to you guys.



Now that's a stingy well-wisher.



What's worse: making this cake, or serving it to all your employees at the company Christmas party?


Ignorance can be beautiful. Unless of course this snowman is named "Happe", and belongs to someone named "Holidey".



"Mercy" is right; get a load of what Rudolf is holding!

[singing] "I'll have a POO Christmas, without youuuu..."



"Let it is snow"?


Careful; buying this cookie "cake" may enter you into a binding legal contract.

And lastly, an oddly emphatic proposal:


Christnos, you sly dog, you, I bet you get this cake for all the girls. [wink]

In case these failed to get the message across: Merry Christmas, all. May your day be sweet and utterly wreck-less .


Many thanks to holiday Wreckporters Jenn S., Irene D., Bergen W., Todd T., Abby, Jennifer L., Jessica C., and Angela M.!