Rather Good Cake Video

Be sure to check out Rather Good for more general hilarity.

Oh, and Josh, one question: how would one go about getting one's spouse to STOP WHISTLING THIS &%@!$ TUNE?!? That is, if one had such a whistling spouse. You know, like, in theory.

Wrecks on Display

Usually the goods in a shop window are supposed to be, well, good. But with advertising like this, who needs competition?



Between the faded-out colors and crumbled who-knows-what littering her face, Tyra has seen better days.



I can see why the construction crew was called in: this cake-tastrophe not only split the earth asunder, it also rained cigarette ash from the sky. Nice blue border though. Er, why is that there again?




Nah, these aren't Wrecks. They're actually kind of cool, in a bizarre way - so I thought I'd share. The green prickly one in particular fascinates me.




Bummer.




What in the Sam hill is going on here?!? Is that supposed to be Barbie's skirt? Because it looks like some massive icing eruption, with her shooting out of the top like a human cannon ball.


And speaking of eruptions and cannon balls, I hope I don't get in too much trouble for posting these next, honorary "cake" Wrecks:


Really, these have got to be the least phallic looking phalli I've ever seen - so if your kids ask, they're little rocket ships, mkay? Just ignore that little sign. Check out the sweet display setup, too: that yellow plastic bucket is totally selling 'em. And what do you suppose that crumbly bread-ish looking thing is next to it? Wait, scratch that; I don't want to know.



Thanks to eagle-eyed Wreckporters Mark T., Monique R., MR, Rachel D., and Xanna C.

You, Too, Can Have Teletubby Poo

Step 1: Order a cake with colors that rival Andy Warhol's paint palette, and have lots of beer on hand to wash it down.

(Ah, nice choice. Are you sure you have enough beer, though?)

Step 2: Consume. The dyes will stain every and anything they come in contact with, including clothing, skin, and vital organs. Observe:




Step 3: Wait for Mother Nature's call. Enjoy this foray into the world of technicolor poo.



[PHOTO REMOVED] (You're welcome.)



Step 4: Consider becoming a vegan. ;)



No, I'm not a vegan, folks. But I'm pretty sure blue poo should make us reconsider our dietary habits, don't you?


Sarah, I hear an herbal detox is good for this sort of thing.

Dial-A-Wreck

Remember how we all loved the game "Telephone" in kindergarten? Well, add in a cake, and the fun never stops!

This order was for a "black high heel":

(It's a hill, people. Get it?)


Specifying punctuation is always tricky:


Although I suppose if Aunt flashed Mom that would liven up the party, and it's certainly preferable to Aunt slashing Mom.

(Ok, this one is tricky, I know: the order was for Aunt/Mom - a slash, in other words.)


Here we have a beautifully done blue horse. Unfortunately, it was supposed to be a blue house.




If your message is "Philip...Woohoo!", and you actually have to say the words "dot dot dot", be prepared for just about anything.




And of course these never get old:


Although interestingly enough, I think that icing IS light pink. I guess the decorator was covering all her bases.

Which brings me to our new category: "Literal LOLs". These are some of my favorite kinds of Wrecks, so keep an eye out, Wreckporters!



Thanks to Danielle M., Stefanie D., Rachel S., Michael T., and Chandra.

Boobs!

Check out what they're selling over in merry ol' Ireland:


And here I thought Ireland was just a country of rainbows, shamrocks, and lilting-voiced innocents frolicking through the fields. You know, because like every good American I make it a point to base all of my stereotypes on popular breakfast cereals.

This is one instance where the packaging hugely overshadows the cake itself. I especially like the font choice: it's like they were going for "suggestive" and ended up at "crazy deformity" instead. And despite the "busty" claim, this is actually a pretty tame cake. Here submitter Rachel S. and friends set up a comparison shot:


Well, Cute Overload has Cats 'n' Racks: I guess now we have Cakes 'n' Racks. (And no, you may not start sending in candidates for the new category, ladies, no matter how clever you think your new cupcake holder is. We have standards here, doncha know.)

Meet the Snark Behind the Curtain

Hey, y'all! I recently did an interview with Sasha and Rick over at cakelava. Want to know the real definition of a "Wreck"? Where the idea for the blog came from? How many times a week I STILL get the Wal-Mart cake e-mailed to me? Then click here!

Be sure to check back tomorrow, too, for the second half of the interview.

Cake Writing 101: The Art of Spacing

"Alright, class, settle down. It's time to go over last week's pop quiz on inscription spacing, and I'm going to tell you all right now: I am not impressed. Laura? Are you here? Ah, there you are. Laura, would you be so kind as to tell the class just WHAT you were thinking when you made this cake?"


"What's that? You were trying to center the name? Well, emphasis on 'trying', huh? And I suppose it never occurred to that pretty little brain of yours to curve 'congratulations' - you know, like we covered in class just last week? Oh, do stop blubbering and take it like a decorator - geesh. They give me a bunch of pansies these days. Hey, where are you going? You get back in your seat, young lady!

"Alright, fine, since Laura would obviously rather blubber in the little girl's room, let's move on to Katie's cake."

"Katie, my blog is 3 column: why is your cake? Were you planning on pasting in some ads and a blog roll on the sides? No, you do NOT get extra credit for it being "almost" centered. What do I look like, a charity? Oh, and Katie? Do you happen to remember any of the three HUNDRED times I've lectured on the improper use of quotation marks? By that blank doe-eyed look you're giving me, I'd say no. Imbeciles. I am surrounded by imbeciles.

"Chris! Just where do you think you're trying to sneak off to, hm? Well, before you rush off, why don't we all take a look at your creation."


"Chris, congratulations. You managed to take a perfectly reasonable 3-line greeting and cram it into a beautifully centered 2-line inscription, and for no discernible reason. Bravo. Really.

"Now, what half-wit among you is responsible for this?"

"Sarah, I don't care how pretty it is, this is a class on spacing! Did you just get tired halfway through writing the name Brittany? Because that's what it looks like! And don't think I don't see those quotation marks, little missy, because I DO. Just for that, you get to wash all of today's piping tips - by hand.

"And lastly, Doug, against all odds yours was actually the best of the lot - although that's hardly saying much."


"Still, since you produced the least horrific example, you may leave early today. The rest of you, prepare to practice until carpal tunnel leaves your little hands as twisted as my wife's idea of 'fun'. Now mach schnell!"



Thanks to MR for the 1st photo. The rest I found all by myself. :)

The Readers Have Spoken

And apparently you all want "cakes" with more sole.


Honestly, I've been e-mailed this so often I'm getting a haddock, and I'm starting to think there's something fishy going on here. Did the cake's non-baker shellfishly do this on porpoise? I'm not hard of herring, you know; I just couldn't fathom why you all would want a sushi "cake" on Wrecks. But then I figured, hey, I'm just being crabby - why not post the photo?

You know, for the halibut.



Thanks to the roughly half-zillion of you out there who sent me this link. And before you ask, why yes, I am a Dr.Demento fan.