Monday, May 23, 2011

Tae Kwon "DO'H!"

Monday, May 23, 2011

Approach, students.

You have come to me asking that I be your guide along this tale of Wreckage, but first I should mention that little Kyle here is taking Tae Kwon Do:



I should also probably stop calling him "little" Kyle.


After all, he could be earning his "Black Blet:"

(Presumably by doing step aerobics.)


Or, he might look like this:

(And wouldn't that be a boot to the head?)


Or - OR - he might know 6-year-old Mercedes here:

And, shoot, that's one little pistol I aim to avoid.
(I hear she's got a hair-trigger temper.)



Thanks to Heather H., Heather D., Liz M., and Kelsey E., for today's round of bullet points. Now, let us rejoin the mind to the body and meditate upon this wisdom.

And maybe sing a little.

Nyaa nyaa!
sendingtheclowns said...

Please tell me that I'm not the only one who sees a red-headed Elvis in that third cake.

=^@.@^=

Anne-with-an-e said...

I kind of like the stick figure on the first one. At least it's somewhat cute, which isn't something I can say about most wrecks. And it makes me glad the wreckerator didn't even try a more human-like form.

Was the 6-year-old girl's supposed to have gum on it instead? Please, please let there be a major order mix-up like that in the backstory.

Carol Lee said...

Yes, I see the Elvis!! Gosh, where do these bakers exist? I look and look and look and the most excitement I find is one of our grocery stores is making the furry dogs(small so they must be Pekingese!). I live in the Midwest so we must be better spellers or else I am just not exposed to enough cakes!!

mollymcpaws

Muria said...

There just has to be a back story to that gun cake.

The borders on that third cake look like bicycle chain to me. Not sure what exactly they were going for there.

Andrea said...

i LOVE the stick figure on that first cake!!!

Danger Boy said...

Ah, the art of Tae Kwon Leap! Which one of these is Ed Gruberman's cake?

sendingtheclowns said...

Poor Elvis cake; they ran out of squiggles before finishing the trim work on the front(a space reserved for a plaque of some sort?)
Crap; I just made the mistake of zooming in on the face, and now I have to amend my assessment of the figure from looking like Elvis to looking like my sister-in-law.
Shoot, this isn't a very auspicious start to my day.

=^e.e^=

Momcat said...

On the positive side, I don't see a single sprinkle or a morsel of plastic detritus on today's cakes!

sendingtheclowns said...

@Carol Lee,

Yay! I knew I wasn't alone on that...
Now, could you possibly know my sister-in-law?

Never mind...

>^=.=^<

sendingtheclowns said...

Jen!!!

I have a new favorite thing to replay in my head, over&over&over, and I just adore the premise!

BTTH!

Thanks!

=^~.~^=

D.B. Echo said...

Not-So-Little Kyle seems to be very, VERY excited that it's his birthday.

Mariapia said...

No lie- the trailer for the new book creeped me out.

greencottagegallery said...

Okay, so we already knew you have some serious geek cred but *how* did you find out about the Frantics? I always think of them as one of those great Canadian secrets, like poutine.

bassgirl said...

I thought for sure that the second cake, the "Black Blit" cake was in honor of a Zombie event. Maybe even dancing the Monster Mash!

flying gargoyle said...

Okay, okay. If you wanna teach little Mercedes how to hunt, that is one thing. But three handguns, a grenade, a pump shotgun and two bullets that could vaporize a tank?? Isn't that...overkill? [insert pun groan here]

But wouldn't her little hands shake too much to hold the Glock steady after eating all the sugar in that cake?

Or maybe she's getting ready to dispatch the adorable stick figure in cake #1 รก la "Stick Figure Death Theater".

The mind boggles.

Ayla Zachary said...

I'm sure it's not what the buyer asked for, but the first stick figure cake is actually really cute! (Of course I'd also probably pissed if I paid for a "professionally" decorated cake and got a stick figure that even I could have drawn myself. But still, cute!)

Andrea said...

Ah. Ed Gruberman... if you don't know him... then you ARE him. *Boot to the head*

SuBee said...

I think Mercedes' cake is beautiful! She is a wonderful, bright, charming, beautiful, gifted little girl!!! And her parents? Goodness, they are just the loveliest people. Even though I never met them,I'm sure of that. Really very nice and good. Happy, happy birthday, Mercedes!!!! Enjoy your very special day!

Whew...

sendingtheclowns said...

@flying gargoyle:

I agree with you! Way too much stuff there; the little twerp could take on a Brinks all by herself!

But I have a theory: Mercedes is a BOY.

Now, it kind of makes sense, doesn't it? In a red-necky, Boy Named Sue kind of way? Hmm?

=^u.u^=

imspiffier said...

I used to play that song for my students. One of the kids loved it so much that all I had to say was, "Boot to the head," and he would do the entire song. It was awesome.

Annette said...

Woohoo! Frantics reference!! Well that just made my day.

J. said...

Guess there was enough fire power on Mercedes' cake that they didn't need to add candles. Or maybe they were afraid to. (A grenade? Really?)

Anonymous said...

What the...can't comprehend logic.. brain broke O_o

Kristy said...

The writing on Mercedes' cake is beautiful. But I just have to know....what did the order on the cake?

Sharyn said...

If you mix the filling in little Mercedes' cake with water and a little mustard, it makes a high explosive. What a lucky little guerrilla -- I mean, girl.

WV: vicardys -- I'm living vicardysly through cake wrecks.

wordsmith101 said...

Mercedes' cake is reminding me of Priscilla, the little rat-girl in "Rango" who carries a pair of guns in her lunchbox. "Can I gut-shoot someone?"

No Cake fo You! said...

Seriously, Guns on a 6 year old's cake????

Libby said...

I would totally give my six-year-old that cake. Just sayin'. XD

Anonymous said...

Oh dear, numbers 1 and 2 remind me of a very bad Rocketts performance kicking tiredly to Ravell's Bolero. I still have nightmares from that. Norine

BADKarma! said...

That first cake makes my head hurt.

Point of order on the gun cake: I fired my first weapon when I was five. I think it's cool.

WV: Legan - Bakers, use the handy-dandy StikGuy(tm). His lower appendages can be both a legan... Um... Well... Use your imagination, bakers!

Anonymous said...

Wonder if the Mercades cake is an appreciation of Tennessee William's quote,

"A dream is not a very safe thing to be near... I know; I had one once. It's like a loaded pistol with a hair trigger: if it stays alive long enough, somebody is going to be hurt. But if it's a good dream, it's worth it."
Mocking

mel said...

In honor of Kyle, today I'm wearing a black blet...

wv - orcoc: that could be Kyle's leg....

Anonymous said...

My mind must not be sufficiently in the gutter because it took me a while to figure out why you shouldn't be calling Kyle little.

Hee! I immediately thought of Elvis, too! If the belt was just a smidge more sparkly....

Okay, so I'm wondering what was ordered for Mercedes....cuz all the weapons look pretty well done..... Okay, so if they ordered something that sounds like guns.....maybe she's really into history and they were supposed to be Huns....Or maybe she likes parasols but she got an arsenal? Or maybe Mercedes is actually 60.

Andrea

tiny p. elephant said...

Blet?
I think guns on a 6 year olds cake is wrong. Mercedes might understand the dangers of guns, but what about the other young guests.

Donna said...

Ah Grasshopper, well done

Anonymous said...

My Spidey Sense is tingling...

Andrea

Anonymous said...

Mercedes' cake is just another example of today's overindulged children. What does this little girl have to look forward too? In my day, the grenade was saved for the 10th birthday. And you certainly didn't get three guns and a rifle when you only six.

My Daddy taught me to wait until teenage years before before amassing an arsenal:-)

Kimberly Chapman said...

Totally sporting a CN Tower for you right now. I may even you-know-what-a-piece-of-pie.

Anonymous said...

@ Mel - hilarious use of your WV :)

Anonymous said...

Bwaaahaha! Boot to the head! Tai kwon Leap! Love it!

Sherry said...

I am trying to figure out how to pull the "trigger" on the top left corner of the last cake... Would probably need one crazily double jointed finger!!!

alenxa said...

OW! You bleted me in the head!!

wv: wormeses - Nobody likes us, Precious...we must go eat wormeses.

Anonymous said...

didn't know Carrot Top took karate! Those are awesome wrecks!!!!

Sophia said...

I think that last cake isn't really for a 6 year old girl. I think that's just a cover up and they're smuggling something sinister to someone really stupid and needed a way to identify the cake.

EireKitten said...

What. The. Hell. A black belt penis, redheaded Elvis and 6yr old assassin cake. Yeah, what I said at the beginning...

hkmouse said...

Ah, who disturbs our meditation, as a pebble disturbs the stillness of the pond?

Shadarus said...

Mmm, Pepto-Bismol and Aqua-Fresh... this is what happens when you wait until the last minute and have to finish a project with whatever is handy in the medicine cabinet. We can only hope that the interior wasn't chocolate Ex-Lax based. Is the empty spot actually on the cake or just a blur after the fact to protect the innocent?

sendingtheclowns said...

@Sharyn:

"What a lucky little guerrilla -- I mean, girl."

LOL to the Nth degree--love it.

=^n.n^=

sendingtheclowns said...

Anonymous 12:34:

"Or maybe Mercedes is actually 60."

Your point being...???
Look, I'M 60, and even I don't require THAT many weapons...sheesh.
What IS this world coming to.

=^-.-^=
P.S.--still say Merc is a boy.

Anonymous said...

Maybe Mercedes asked for "gems" instead of guns?

Anonymous said...

@ sendingtheclowns 3:00pm

No offense meant. Only point was, since the guns are actually sort of well done, perhaps it is a wreck because Mercedes is not 6, but 60 (or 16, 26, 65?).

I don't know why it wouldn't be a wreck if it was for a boy but it is for a girl. That's why I wonder what was requested when the cake was ordered.

Happy Monday, y'all!

Andrea

pikkewyntjie said...

Do you take tae kwon do or are you just happy to see me?

Six years old seems a little young for Mercedes to be learning about feminine protection, but maybe that's just me. Some parents like to teach their kids the facts of life early.

Michelle said...

Certainly I wasn't the only one in school who learned how to write the letters LAO connected together then turn the paper upside down and laugh at your perverse stick man. That's real education, people.

Tricia L said...

Perhaps Mercedes is a guard in the 6th Block at Supermax (the one where they've got the Unibomber locked up). Or it's the 6th birthday she has spent locked up there for arms smuggling.

Anonymous said...

Michelle, I'm sitting here at work and had to try your LAO trick...
took me a minute then I laughed my butt off!
Almost got me fired, thanks a lot! ;)

Anonymous said...

The first one isn't all that bad...

wv: phawnis. I come to Cake Wrecks each day for my daily dose of the phawnis.

Anonymous said...

Is it just me or does the second cake read "Black Blet" ?? LOL!

Nancy Pants said...

I have a 5 year old son who loves guns, but I am not a stupid enough mother to have it put on a cake. Too easily mistaken for a gang banger instead of a hunter/fan of the Army guys.

Jenni said...

Ed Gruberman... Boot to the head! Damn, it's been years!

sendingtheclowns said...

Anonymous said...
@ sendingtheclowns 3:00pm

"... perhaps it is a wreck because Mercedes is not 6, but 60...I don't know why it wouldn't be a wreck if it was for a boy but it is for a girl."

HUH-WHAT?
Whadda ya tryin' to DO here, make me THINK???
I wasn't offended; I was being silly, silly.
And point taken about the sexist-ness of the "girl cake" V. "boy/man" cake. INteresting, that.
Why SHOULDN'T little girls be armed!?
Why SHOULDN'T they have what the boys have always had??

(And why CAN'T we pee standing up???)

So many questions; so little interest left...after all, sometimes a cake is just a cake.

This sure is fun, though, isn't it?



=^~.-^=

MizKit said...

4 guns and a grenade for you, Mercedes! You go, Mercedes! And none for Kyle! Bye!

wv condu: I think I'll just stay here in my condu and eat cake.

Truth said...

I found a website you'll "love"... tee hee http://www.unnecessaryquotes.com/ please, check it out. i almost peed myself when i saw it and thought of you immediately!!

Arlene said...

Is Mercedes going to be a professional assassin when she grows up? Unless she is already lol. Wow..just when I thought cake couldn't get any scarier up pops a sumo wrestling one..horror.

Adina said...

Maybe there were TWO dudes in the office named "Blet" and one of them was black. Or recently burned.

Craig said...

Maybe the last cake is for a car, and the arsenal is how the car made it 6 years without being stolen?

The trigger in the upper left does have a serious problem -- unless it's a Kevorkian Special.

Maybe the back story is that Mercedes is a fan of Hello Kitty. I know Hello Kitty makes me think of weapons. No, Hello Kitty makes me look for a weapon. Yeah, that's it.

I kid. I kid the Kitty.

Laura P. said...

Ok, except for the fact that the gun cake is for a 6-year-old, that's an AWESOME cake! I totally know what I want for my next birthday cake! Showed it to mom last night (who does all our cakes if they aren't from DQ) so she knows what to make for me. :-)

On another note, is it so terribly wrong of me to almost hope that every time someone I know orders a cake it turns out to be a wreck just so I can take a picture of it and send it in? Should I be ashamed of myself?

Juniper said...

I've met lots of 6 year olds who would totally want a cake with lots of guns and bombs on it. Mostly they are boys, but it wouldn't surprise me at all to meet a girl who liked that sort of thing too, especially if she had a brother. And mostly I think their parents would try and steer them towards other subjects for a cake, but I think some parents just give up on banning gun and warrior games and hope the kids grow out of it. Children can do worse things than pretending to shoot each other after all. So I don't think it's all that odd if the customer really did order a gun cake for a six year old. Maybe they were hoping for a more Looney Tunes style armoury or something though? And the fact that it ended up looking so realistic and assassin like and generally inappropriate for a small kid is why it ended up on Cake Wrecks? Or maybe they really wanted it like that and it's in the same league as the pregnant belly cakes and the split down the middle twin cakes and the deers on fire...

The one above it is scary though! What is it supposed to be? A undead clown who's had an accident in his pants? Whatever it is, I think it's interesting that they chose pink as the most suitable background colour for it. Pink is a colour we all associate with zombie clown martial artists after all.

Anonymous said...

Maybe it is to Mercedes FROM the 6th--military unit, maybe Marines?

Jen said...

WTF? What is with the gun cake for a six-year-old? I hope someone didn't actually order it that way! Maybe it's supposed to be 60th? Nope, still doesn't make sense.

Puppygirl said...

Awesome!
I totally forgot until I checked my Frantics' CD that "Boot to the Head" was preceded by "Ti Kwan Leep", which intro'd the concept of Boot to the Head.
Jen, if you were aware of this, I bow down and prostrate myself in front of your awesomeness.
But you are amazing anyway for your awesome reference!
(can never overstate the awesomeness)

April said...

You just quoted Dr Demento. I LOVE YOU!!! LOL