Friday, May 6, 2011

Rein in the Clowns

Friday, May 6, 2011

WARNING: Parents, there be funny business ahead!


Bakers, will someone please get a handle on these clown cakes?

"Woo woo woo!"

Wait. Let me rephrase that.

What I mean is, I'm seeing a lot of funny business lately...

Don't tell me this candle placement wasn't intentional.

(But do feel free to share a burning pee joke. That'd be hilarious.)



...and at some point we just have to ask SWEET MERCY WHAT IS THAT CLOWN DOING?!


Keep it up, Chuckles, and someday you'll be juggling one less dancing dog, if you catch my drift. (You know, tripping the blue elephant? Cooling the cream pie? Honking the big shoe?)


Hey, Bozo! Get those hands where I can see 'em!


Look, I'm all for romance, but did the Wizard display teach us nothing?


And I'm not sure these censor dots are the solution, either:

Though I suppose it does beat the alternative. [shudder]


Thanks to Dominique G., Jeny F., Kara P., Ibo, Melanie T., & Robin M., who are, suspiciously, all smiles.
Trevor said...

I really had to laugh at some of these. People really need to learn hand placement!

However, the "romance" cake with the two clowns? The brown hands on the clown in the background make it look like it has boobs!

Kay said...

Utterly horrifying. This just goes to show what I've been insisting for years: clowns are not suitable for children, or for anyone, really.

Jen said...

I'd be really upset if I ordered a clown cake for my kid and got Sexy Time Clown and his mistress. She should at least wear pasties, geez.

Anonymous said...

Yep, definitely voluptuous chocolaty breasts in the "romance' cake.
Yummo?

Kimberly Chapman said...

Robin Williams called it Mr. Happy for a reason. Those last cupcakes are clearly an homage.

SuBee said...

The cupcakes remind us that "you're never really dressed without a smile."

WV: thlings: I'm relieved that those clowns covered their thlings with big smily faces.

Stella said...

kinda makes you use the clown head factory had an 'accident'.

KiriD said...

This made my day better. But I just have to post because of my wv.

Prophyl: I sure hope those clowns are using prophyl-actics.

elissa said...

That second clown looks a little...blue.

Some of those *have* to be intentional. Some juvenile wreckerator doing the Beavis & Butthead laugh in the back room.

ninja dude 12 said...

Chuckles clown by day works the corner by night

Anonymous said...

WTF are these bakers THINKING??? I swear I think bakers are baked when they make these O_o

Donna said...

Clown Porn Cakes. Interesting.

drumnate said...

Burning Pee reminds me that Obama's old high school has an annual tradition called the "Flaming P". Sure sounds like something other than lighting a giant "P" on fire.

Inaya said...

Did nobody tell Bozo that if he kept doing that his hands would fall off???

Emily said...

When you asked "SWEET MERCY WHAT IS THAT CLOWN DOING?!" were you referring to the one who was dry humping the corner of the cake, or the one producing a string of green jizz in the background?

BillyBites said...

Great post, I like the cupcake ones

Erin said...

Ok, I missed the, er, happy clown in the back of the third photo because I was too busy trying to decide if the one in front was supposed to look like it was on its hands and knees or not. Might just be an unfortunate head bobble placing, but man., that is one filthy cake.

Carrie Penny said...

I always knew clowns were perverts. That is why the creep me out. It isn't the makeup, as if that wasn't bad enough, but the fear that they would flash me their happy bits... That is scary!

flying gargoyle said...

Are those rare Siamese fighting Clowns in picture #4?

Craig said...

Gives a whole new meaning to 'happy meal', doesn't it.

Thanks to the mental associations created by today's post, I now have one less reason to buy 'food' at two of the major chains. Jack in particular should tell those under him (organizationally speaking) that they need to find a different way to tell people that he has taken the day off.

Now we know why clowns are so often (at least by wreckerators) depicted with x's for eyes -- they went blind.

Anonymous said...

Yaaaay! More pornographic clowns! This is the sequel to my favorite CW post ever.

Liz in Seattle

Daya said...

This post completely reminds me of an email I got a few years ago. I'll have to send it to you!! It makes me feel a little like a pervert that I giggle through posts like these. I agree that there had to have been some "herbal influence" on these cakes.

TisforTonya said...

trying REALLY hard not to make a "more than six hour" joke about that poor clown on Viagra... yikes!

May said...

Why is it that the clown cakes are the most frequent "inadvertently (cough) inappropriate" cake offenders? These wreckerators really need to form a support group for their sick fetish.

Anonymous said...

That first one might just be a graphic clown-birth cake. I hate clowns, and I HATE birth cakes, but if I ever find myself in a Wilton class... it could happen. Hey-HEY Kids!

mel said...

No wonder clowns frighten -- or arouse -- people! Loved the pinhead clowns -- reminded me of the exhibits in the Mutter Museum in Philadelphia.

wv - hotipp: what the clown in the second picture is gonna have.

Ellen said...

LOL at "Rein in the Clowns." Of course, it triggered my "everything's a song cue" condition (clearing throat):

Have you an itch?
Somewhere down there?
Why are you sprawled on the ground,
Gasping for air?
Such creepy clowns.

Humping the cake?
I don’t approve!
I’m only grateful to know
That you can't move!
What’s with the clowns?
Such creepy clowns.

Just when I'd stopped dreaming of clowns,
Finally knowing the nightmare had sort of died down,
Looking at Cake Wrecks again for the usual fun,
Now I just want,
To scream and run.

What’s sticking out --
Out of the goo?
I thought that clowns were so childlike.
Why is it blue?
And who are these clowns?
Quick, censor the clowns.
Send them to the loo.

Done with that itch?
What can I say
Losing my dinner this late
During the day?
And what’s with these clowns?
They’re such creepy clowns.
They’re just . . . not . . .O . . . K.

Auto Title Loans said...

You already scared me enough with the plastic clown heads and now this? I don't know if I can handle any more clown posts. I'm still having nightmares!
Ava

BADKarma! said...

(blinkblink)... Because I needed to find clowns creepier than I already do? Was that the point of today's post? It worked.

msyendor said...

2 ellen

8 sound of one hand clapping 8

'cuz the other one is typing this.

Anonymous said...

Ellen's song is just BRILLANT!

Emily said...

I was looking at this with my 3 year old on my lap. We got to the last one and he said "aw! Cupcakes! Smiley faces!"

Gotta love kids.

Anonymous said...

o.O eep!

[gotohappyplacegotohappyplacegotohappyplace]


passtheeyeandbrainbleachpleaseohdearlordmakeitstop

-Barbara Anne

wv: shiou
(in voice of Jed Clampett) "Shiou, thems some mighty strange thangs goings on here"

Anonymous said...

J&J:

It was a most egregious error that the 12 Cake Wrecks of Christmas wasn't recorded last year. However, you now have nearly a full CD's worth of songs if you add in what Ellen's been writing with your own parodies. (stern look) Do I need to be more clear?

Personally, I'd buy several copies to share.

Sincerely,
Barbara Anne

Anonymous said...

Heh. This post made my day! And I have to show it off, so that others understand what I've known for years--CLOWNS AREN'T INNOCENT. They're evil. Also, my WV made me giggle.
WV: fingle. :P

~Miyo~ said...

Thank you for that post, I needed a good laugh! :)

destined_09 said...

Is it just me, or does the clown with the candle in his crotch look like he's smoking a cigarette?

Zoanna said...

Ellen ,the song is superb! "Why are they blue?" made me laugh out loud!

The smiley faces "down there" were stolen from Walmart greeters.

WV : ovencir. Don't let the ovencir your privates on the way out...or maybe that would be a good solution.

Arlene said...

Oh my poor little mind..the night before my birthday to be so tormented by pervy, evil clowns lol. Arghhh whatever will I do..other than not go near those things with a ten thousand foot pole :D.

SaraCVT said...

I had just managed to FORGET the wizard display, thankyouverymuch, and you had to go and bring it up again. Now it will be haunting my thoughts once again, and I'll find myself muttering things like "Why was there SPAGHETTI in that window?!?"

Spike said...

So is this what happens when Pennywise goes to the mansion in Rocky Horror Picture show?

antique engagement rings said...

Love the clowns.. hilarious!

FM said...

Ellen, BRAVA!!!
You have a great career ahead of you as a Creepy Clown Song Parody Specialist. And this site indicates that you'll never be out of work!

pikkewyntjie said...

"Can't sleep. Clown will eat me."

Wow. I never thought of that phrase as being dirty before.

WV: outeezy
Yeah, I'd say some of those clowns had it like that.

The Most Random One said...

God....some of these clown cakes are scarier that real life clowns. And THATS saying something.

Ellen said...

>>pikkewyntjie said...

"Can't sleep. Clown will eat me."

Wow. I never thought of that phrase as being dirty before. <<

LOL - great comment!


Thanks to all who complimented the parody.

msyendor, it sounds like you attended Andrea's seder! :-)

FM, I intend to add Creepy Clown Song Parody Specialist to my resume. Not sure it will do me any good, though.

Barbara Anne, you are very good for my ego. However, I do need to leave this room soon, and, if my head won't fit through the door, that could be a problem!

Really, I am humbled by the humor (and endless knowledge of life, culture, history and geekery!)that Jen, John and #1 have. I'm not in their league.

But I do love song parodies -- reading, hearing, singing and writing them! My brain just sort of goes there on its own sometimes.

wv- ingstupl

I have no joke, I just like the sound of it and wanted to share. Say it -- it's fun! Ingstupl, ingstupl, ingstupl . . .

Anonymous said...

@Spike
FOR.THE.WIN!!!

@Ellen
Talk to a child or teenager- your ego will deflate rapidly. LOL

-Barbara Anne

Anonymous said...

GREEN JIZZ !!!

I was blissfully distracted by the clown in front doing the "cat in heat" crawl. until THAT was mentioned...

carli said...

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!